Hey Bravehearts, I'm so glad that you're joining me today. I want to talk to you about living a life of significance. I guess more specifically this whole concept about mattering.

We're hearing a lot about it lately and I want you to know that it's not new. It's no surprise we were created with a hole inside of us. We were created with the DNA to have this hole filled. First of all with God, but then to know this human connection. I often say the two most important emotional needs that we have. as human beings are to be known for someone to see us, to know us, to get us, to be connected to us, to intimately be acquainted with us, to see us and acknowledge us.

And the other is the same for us to know someone in that same way, to be able to express to someone, you matter to me. I see you. I know you. I feel you. I'm with you. We have the need put into us by our creator to be known. And to know it is a universal need. It's felt by all people. If anyone tries to tell you that they don't have the need to be known or to know, they're not telling the truth. They may have some sort of attachment disorder, but the truth of God is this. That is how we. It might not be felt by all people.

Let me say this, it is felt by all people. It may not be acknowledged by all people, but it is part of our creative core to know that our life makes a difference. I passed through this world. I want to leave a legacy. I want to make an imprint. I want to make a mark. I want to know that. Something that I've done has imprinted those that, especially that I love and that I care about. I don't want them to forget me.

I've had friends, many, and one in particular who was diagnosed with terminal cancer early on in her life, and she wanted to make sure that her kids would know her. Don't forget me. You must remember me. So she wrote notes to all of them and bought significant pieces of jewelry. Why? Because this sense of mattering is essential and it's essential for you. In fact, knowing that you matter is essential to human flourishing. Because mattering involves awareness, importance, and reliance. People are aware of you, you're important to them, and they rely on you. It is our need to be needed, not in an unhealthy way, but just to know that my presence is actually going to make a difference. This concept is in the Old Testament of the Bible, and we refer to it a lot as a blessing. But it is something that Father Isaac passed down. Do you remember the story? If not, look it up in Genesis, where Jacob and Esau are fighting and Jacob steals the birthright from his brother. And what that meant was when the father was dying, he laid his hands on Jacob, thinking that it was Esau, and he blessed him. And Esau cried out to the father. He said, bless me too, Dad, bless me too. You've got one more blessing and you bless me, bless me. Like this bitter cry out to the Father saying, please give me your blessing. Please say that I matter to you. Well, people have to feel valued. They have to feel loved to experience this matter. So we see that it is.

Definitely in the Bible with bitter tears. He cried out now mattering involves two parts. It's a two-pronged definition in order to feel the fullness of mattering people must feel valued and that means you feel heard and appreciated and cared for and they must feel. Secondly like they add value. So it's not just enough that know that people love you and are they appreciate you or they're caring for you, but I need to know that I'm adding value to you. That makes me feel capable important and trusted. Now, Isaac Prensky, a professor at the University of Miami and the co-author of How People Matter said this. “Research suggests that people who feel like they matter experience more self-compassion, relationship satisfaction, and greater belief in their capacity to achieve their goals, while people who lack knowing that they matter, have burnout, self-criticism, anxiety, depression, aggression, and an increased risk of suicide.” We know that's true, right?

Sadly, Minnie, a school shooter, is a kid who doesn't think that he, or she, mattered. They didn't know where they fit in. They felt invisible, unseen, unknown. Feeling that we matter to others has a positive implication for us for our health and for our mental health. And the opposite is true. Feeling that we don't matter to anyone leads to isolation, loneliness, and social withdrawal. and suicide. So do you know that you matter?

Let me ask you a few questions. I want you to ponder and think about these so that you can make sure that you truly feel connected. You feel seen. You're not invisible. People rely on you in a healthy way. So let me ask you this. Do you have a healthy sense of being significant? Do you feel valued? Do you feel important? Do you feel important in your work, in your relationships, in your life? And do you matter to yourself? This is another component and a big, big element of feeling that sense of satisfaction and significance.

Do you matter to yourself? Do you possess a sense that you're worthy, regardless of what you've accomplished? And midlife woman, regardless of how you look? And how do you feel about your body? Do you know that you matter? That you care about yourself and that you're not shaming yourself? Okay. In cancel culture today, I mean, being shut out, being ignored, being dismissed, being treated as though you're invisible. That is. It's immensely painful.

I have many friends whose adult children are canceling them. They're doing something called no contact, where they're telling their parents, I don't want to talk to you. I don't want to have anything to do with you right now I'm doing me. You did this and this and this to me when I was a child. So forget you. I mean, I have numerous friends whose adult children are canceling them. Oh my goodness, how painful. I'd be really tempted to say, Oh no, you don't. I pushed you into this world. I can push you out. Not sure that would go over very well, but that's painful. Do you notice the connection, by the way?

The fifth commandment in the Bible says, Honor your mother and your father. Some of these kids don't understand the Bible. It's the first commandment with a blessing or a promise attached. You're looking for significance, but God says, I'm going to bless you when you honor your mother and father. But I guess that's probably another podcast episode, but I want that blessing. That's why midlife begins to cause a sense of worthlessness to so many, to us, women perhaps, because we don't know that we matter. Where's our place now? Where's our role now?

My mom was recently visiting. She's 87 years old. Don't tell her I told you her age. She mentioned an experience that she had in a large family gathering and that was where she was sitting at the table and all the conversation was going on around her and the kids that were kind of next to her, you know, teenagers, they were on their phone. She was trying to break in and create conversation. She wasn't getting anywhere with her. And she said, boy, was I invisible. At that moment I felt the pain like I didn't matter. It doesn't matter if I'm sitting here or not, nobody would even notice. I thought, Ouch, oh, Mom, I'm sorry that you experienced that. And I never want somebody to feel that. I don't want to feel that. I have felt that.

I remember in a previous job that I had many years ago, there was another female leader there, and for whatever reason, she did not like me. I don't know why I decided to give her so much power over me, but the fact that she didn't like me, I was just trying to win her over. I was trying to woo her. I wanted her to like me. My self-esteem all of a sudden became connected to her liking me, accepting me, or acknowledging me. She didn't like me. So I eventually had to decide, I had to get a hold of God and say, Lord, there is nothing I can do. I've tried everything. I don't know what else, but God was saying, Don't let someone else's opinion of you define you, Dawn. You matter. You do. You are significant. My worth is that I am God's daughter, not based on how this lady felt about me.

But now remember the two-part equation. It's not just that you know that you belong, not just that you feel valued, but that you add value because you can belong to a group, you can belong to a community, but if you don't know that you are adding value or they rely on you or if like, yeah, we accept you and we love you, but we wouldn't really miss you. If you were gone, then you actually still don't have the full component of mattering. So let me ask you this. Do you add value? Do you feel like you're a good partner? Are you a good spouse? Do you feel like you're a good friend and that you show that you care about the people in your life that you would notice if they were missing? Do you feel competent at your work? Do you know that you add value there? Are you rising up to the challenge and saying, I'm here, I can take some responsibility, let me lift the load off of you. Do others outside your immediate circle rely on you for anything? You need that. Do you treat yourself kindly? Do you cheer on your body and your soul?

Dr. Gordon Flett wrote the book, The Psychology of Mattering, and he says mattering involves more than a feeling like you belong in a group. He explained it's also being missed by the group if you weren't there because you're adding so much value. When it comes to self-esteem, you can like yourself and feel capable, he says, but you still won't be a happy person if no one notices when you enter the room. So are you on a quest for significance? Do you need to know that you matter?

Well, I want to let you know today you matter to me. I see you. I feel you. Even though we're a distance apart, you are a sister. You are a soul that God created. And we're here to help. If you don't have a group, I invite you to mine. We have a private Facebook group of midlife women, 40, 50, 60, and beyond. I'm going to give you the address. I'll say it here, but then it's also in the show notes. It is facebook.com/groups/braveheartedwoman. Join our group. You'll not only belong, but we'll miss you if you're gone.

That's what I have for you today. I just want you to know we care. We love you. God sees you. You matter. You count. Now listen, pull yourself up, put your head up, shake off unworthiness, shake off despair, shake off any limiting lies or beliefs that you've bought that were not God.

The fact that no one cares, no one sees, no one knows. Shake it off and say, God sees me, God has people for me, I'm going to make that connection, I'm not going to let somebody define me and who I am. If they can't see brilliance, that's their problem, not mine. Alright, sister, we got you!

This is Dawn Damon, your Braveheart mentor, reminding you it's time to find your brave and live your vision!