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That Thing You Always Meant To Do But Never Did—Manning Up to Boyish Dreams
Episode 65th June 2021 • ManHearted • Asher Black
00:00:00 00:17:06

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A lot of us would like to go back and do things differently (learn guitar, study karate, skipper a boat) except, to start over we'd have to go back. Or do we? Asher cast shade on bucket lists, giving up, and getting old (in the sense of setting aside childhood dreams). He makes the case for telling "Dad" to go to Hell (if need be), relabelling 50 (if that's us) the new 16, and getting off our ass to do something cool. Screw the midlife crisis. There's a midlife awakening!

Today I would like to talk about recovering those dreams that we had when we were young and doing them. Now it's not dwelling on the past with some kind of nostalgia. How many movies are out there where it's Scooby doo remade, the Brady bunch remade something else from our childhood remade. So, you know, for the older set to remember how it was and the younger set to maybe get introduced, to invest in these things, God, they're terrible. But my point is, I'm not lingering on the idea of stallion. I'm talking about, you know, being man hearted and doing something about it. So I'm going to get into more of that in a moment, but first I want to reiterate a couple of things. So our excellence and manhood award for the month goes to Anderson Cooper. I'm sorry, not Anderson Cooper. Anderson Cooper was last month, but this month is Brian [inaudible].

And if you've been following the episodes, you know why capital officer Brian sickening stood against a bunch of cowardly bullies who attacked our democracy, attacked our Capitol, attacked the American form of government and did it all in the name of their whiny, axed, all in the name of being disappointed with their lot in life and needing something to blame. And it's not like they did it with a better idea. Somebody that actually has something to bring. These are guys that took a dump on the Capitol carpet. Their only idea was to tear down and deface and accordingly, they bashed this guy in the head with a fire extinguisher, maced him with bear mace and pummeled him savagely. And on the other hand, Brian [inaudible] was a man. That's the difference, Brian, sick Nick, as opposed to the capital insurrectionists was an actual man. And so he gets the excellence in manhood award.

I just want to continue to remember officer [inaudible] who died this year in 2021. And of course, if you're interested in the Lily livered Wolf's award, the L L w a you know who I gave it to last time, but I don't want to wait for the next one because the list is too long. You know, we're going to have to go through this a lot more frequently. So you know, I've been itching to do this for a long time, so I'm not holding back. The L L w a this time is going to early. We're going to issue a special edition of the L L w a. It's going to Kyle Rittenhouse. Yes, the little punk kid that shot up a protest of unarmed people. He got an assault weapon to go after people that didn't have any weapon. He shot up people that the big scary people, what they were doing was marching.

He shot unarmed people, which is the mark of every cowardly was out there. And this is a guy that instead of facing up to it, like a man said, well, you know, the underground, the alt-right the Patriot movement. These guys will protect me, man. He's in such need of protection, I guess, but he's done nothing, but defy refuse to man up and be accountable for his actions and keeps looking for somebody else to protect him. Because, oh, in his mind, he's a freedom fighter. But in my mind, he's a wuss deserves to get his kicked. I hope he does. You know, if the kid wasn't that much younger than me, I I'd love a cage match myself. God, when an annoying was all right. So that gets the awards out of the way. Let's go back to this thing we're talking about, by the way, for those of you right in who think this was political, I don't give a what your politics are being a man.

Isn't about choosing a side. I'm sorry, but you know, there's men on both sides and there's, Willis's on both sides. And a was as a, was a punk as a punk and a man as a man. So come on, don't try to defend something on the basis of politics. Don't do that thing. That was his do, which is, oh, you picked on somebody from my side and now that you're a bad man, you're a bad person. Stop it. All right. So let's go back to toy talking about recovering the broken dreams of your youth. So I'm having a conversation the other day with a guy in Meyer. He's a former Marine, currently a, a chef with his own restaurant. So he's a business owner to Gaia tattoos up and down, both his arms. And I got to tell ya, he makes the best freaking pancakes of all time.

I've just never had better. I don't think anybody's mom makes it better. He deserves mom's status. He needs a mom award because of the qualities, pancakes. And anyway, the point is I started talking to him about music. We're talking about music and how it used to be in the old days or something like that. And he mentioned having a guitar or something that he's always meant to pick up, et cetera. And he's talking about his father and, you know, stamping out some of the things he wanted to do. And I asked him, so did your dad kind of do the, you know, and don't play guitar. They put aside fanciful dreams and get a job kind of thing. It's like, oh yeah, every day, I couldn't do anything like that. You know, my dad would, it would've killed it. And I said, me too, man.

And you know, one of the things I told him, which I'll tell you my audiences, I beat cancer. So, you know, at, at 50 I got cancer and we we had to cut it out of me. And I remember, you know, most of the people I told it to were like, oh, I'm so sorry. So sorry. I'm like, God it. Yeah. What are you my funeral? You know, are you, you're doing my eulogy already? You know, I feel like, God, yeah, thanks for the greeting card. No, I don't need you to say I'm so sorry. I heard stuff like go watch a bunch of TV and tune it out. Like, no, I need to gear up for the fight. And I need you, you people to say things like, go kick its, Asher, go murder that cancer, cut it out, beat it to death, throw it to the side of the road and then spin on it, give it the finger, curse its mother, and then burn it, set it on fire, get rid of the cancer.

So I did, I found, you know, these doctors that I'm interviewing doctors, you got to do that. You've got to pick your surgeon. They had doctors that quote in the textbook and you know, we don't really know. And most likely we can't, we don't know if we can save you and you're going to have to do all this stuff. And I'm like, oh God, I found a warrior, a man hearted woman, a surgeon that said, I got a vision for winning. Well, you and I are going to win. When you're going to have to drive, you're going to be the general. I'm going to be the Colonel, but we're going to attack this thing. And I'm like, oh God, yes, where's my we're doing it. Where's my tank. Let's go after this. You know? And so we took, we took a knife to that sucker and we cut it out.

We murdered it. And I'm cancer free to this day. And what that did to me attacking it like a Viking, attacking it like Wharf on star Trek. This is a good day to die, attacking it like a warrior is it made me take a look and go, wow, I beat that. And you know, maybe it'll it'll come back. There'll be something else. One of these days it'll be a different cancer as some other thing, but I'm going to, I'm not going to go down on the first, the first time I'm going to take it out. I have fight it. So setting that aside, you're not really too old for anything. Are you? I mean, say you're 50, you got another 50 years. Maybe what if it's only 35? How long did it take Eddie van Halen learn to play guitar? What 12, 13 years before he was up on the stage, became the Eddie that we knew from the time somebody handed him his first year rig.

And so man, if I want to learn to drive boats, if I wanna study karate boxing, ballroom, dancing, golf, I don't know why anybody would no offense to you golfers, but you know, whatever, whatever blows your hair back. If I want to learn to race cars like Steve McQueen, you know, I can pick it up now and do it. And so what I wanted to do a number of other things, I'm doing all kinds of things. You wouldn't believe my list and it's good. It's not some bucket list up. Here's a bunch of stuff I want to do once before I die, screw that. I want to be the person I am while I'm alive, not do before I die. That sounds like a bunch of people that have given up. So the stuff I'm doing is great. I'm doing all kinds of things.

But one of the things I'm doing is I bought a electric guitar. I remember my dad telling me he didn't say it quite this way. You know, but basically real men don't play guitars. They get jobs. They give up their dreams. You never know. And being a rock star, you know, don't, don't think that way just focus. And I know what he meant. There's no doubt because he said that same and about, just about everything else. I did books. I read college courses. I took you name it. If it didn't come out on a pay stub, it wasn't valid. And so I look at all that and I think, yeah, you. I'm going to do it now. And it's amazing how many men I've talked to they're in the same boat. I thought I was alone for years. I I'm telling this very story to another guy.

Who's a musician. He was in a hair band in the eighties and nineties. We're talking the whole long blonde Motley crew, you know, Robert plant, you know, look in everything, plan, the heavy stuff. You know, I tell him this story. And he says, yeah, he says, I wasn't, weren't allowed to touch the guitar or do anything like that or anything. Cool. I used to have short hair, like a crew cut. Like my father had a crew cut until I was about 13. And then my father died. And my mother said, look, he's grieving. Let him do what he's going to do. This is how he expressed himself. When I grew my hair out and I picked up a guitar and I never looked back, the guy still got a house full of equipment and still really digs. It keeps encouraging me like, yeah, we got to jam together.

Rock. You have to rock. I'm a novice. I don't give a. I don't care. If this takes 10, 12, 13 years, I'm not looking to get up on stage and go play coffee shops and play some edge. She ran music or some, some Taylor swift, you know, do some minor chords and try to look so that. I know who I am. I want to play in the middle of a mountain canyon where nobody's around or in the forest or an empty auditorium that I rented with my own money. But I want to play for me. I want my sound, my music. And I know what that sound is. And I am learning how to get it. So all of this tells me I'm not alone. There's forget the music part of it. We're we've done some episodes about music and I'm not trying to go on and on about that.

It's just an example. What about the other stuff? You know, I always wanted to be on boats. I begged and begged the whole time I was growing up. You had to get me on a boat, let me on a boat. Let me drive a boat. I'll rent. Let me rent a boat. How can I go work on a boat? How do I get on a boat? Never happened. My family was a bunch of land lovers. The ocean didn't interest them the way it did me and I, when I say boat, I mean boats with waves and sharks and stuff. And so I just started doing it. I took courses. I learned how to captain a rig. I rent them and I take them out. We travel. We, we go to places that have a port and yeah, I get out there and get lost.

I get dicey situations where I'm between rocks and wildlife. And I'm worried about hurting the sea lions. And I'm not quite sure where I am because every freaking doc looks the same and I'm dodging, you know, all the hidden rocks that aren't on the charts and stuff like this. But you know, I wouldn't trade the adventure. It's good. And I meet all of these other men that have this pent up inside of them. I was running to ride a motorcycle. I want it. I've been thinking about getting one, but somebody will say, I have a midlife crisis. Those people. Those people that are telling you Midland them. The people that give you a, you know, this is the thing that me off about John Oliver or Saturday night live. They go on and on what happens? You get a certain age, you cross the 50 mark, right?

The Five-O and they start giving you a like you're, what's wrong. Why don't you die already? And they make Viagra jokes and diaper jokes. Unless this doesn't even apply. Most of us will go the rest of our life. Not needing a diaper or Viagra. I don't, but you know what? All of it is an attack on manhood. And when a man comes out and says, you know, I'm 50 years old, I'm thinking about taking up the violin or I bought a Harley or whatever. Everybody goes, oh, midlife crisis. What are men supposed to do? They're supposed to be Mr. Cleaver ward Cleaver. They're supposed to sit down on their sofa, get fat, eat, mom's cooking and not raise a ruckus and give little lessons to Timmy and Johnny and chip and Bobby. Again, they're supposed to live their lives for other people.

Selflessly go into a job. They hate coming home and doing nothing, but you know, no babysitting and being available for conversations about they don't care about. And the truth is locked up in 90% of those men is something they wanted to do. And no one has told them it's okay. Find that thing. If you're 50, you got 50 years left or act like you do. Who cares if it's 20 or 30 or 40? If, if you're 60 same deal. Okay. So you got 40. I'm just using a hundred. As a round number. People are living to be a hundred, 107, do the right stuff, take care of your body, go to the gym, hike, find stuff. That's your thing to keep you fit. So you can do more of this stuff if you want. And then freaking do that thing. You ever seen that movie with Richard Gere, it's a remake of a Japanese movie.

Both of them are good. It's called, shall we dance? I love that movie. And it's not about because old guy, you know, figures out his life. It's about pursuing your aspirations and your dreams because they ignite a passion and a fire in you that makes life worth getting out of bed for. Nobody wants to be. If all you're getting is a paycheck and you go home and watch a little TV show, oh, let me watch a rerun of king of the hill. It's great show. But, and then you go to bed, that's it. That's your day. There's nothing else. And then those days turn into weeks and those weeks turned into months and he looked at the end of the year and you go 20, 21 went by, what the do I have to show for taxes, taxes, more bills. And probably something that showed up on a medical scan somewhere, right?

That. You're going to die. We're all gonna die sooner or later, you're going to lose the last battle and death's going to get you. But in the meantime, until it has until it's one until your is actually kicked and you've left everything out there on the field, I encourage you to dig down deep. Find that thing that is yours. And you know, this show is not about giving advice. I hate those websites where talking about manhood is a coaching session. We're going to teach you to be men. Nobody needs to teach you how to be a man. It's deep down inside of you. You just got to locate your manhood, find your balls and lift, right? That's it. But in this case, this is not about advice on how to be a man. This is a thought about the way in which we successfully conduct a life of any kind.

You know, dogs need to hunt. Ducks need to fly. Octopuses, need to eat and migrate. And mate, what you and I need to do is find the thing that drives us. The thing that ignites our passion, the thing that fills our lives with joy and makes it more than just getting out of bed in the morning. And no matter what age we are, no matter what our parents said, we need to do that day. Disregard all the voices around you that say you're too old. Don't let those be your voice. If you're singing that chorus. If you joined in that refrain, if you picked up on that melody, throw it out, turn it off, do something different. Break the rules. Be a bad-ass pop your own collar by the motorcycle. Get your rig. Take the dancing lessons like Richard Gere. I love that movie and go love the life that you have because if it's half over, that means there's half still left Jesus.

You're 16. Again, if you're 50, just think I'm 16. Now I can do whatever the I want dad or mom or whoever. It's disdainful spouse, judgemental, society joke, making little kids, whatever it is pick up from now because fifties, the new 16 do what you need to do. That makes you feel like a whole person. In other words, be a man. This has been another episode of the men hearted podcast. The show about being a man I'm Aster black, your host. I encourage you to visit man Check out the blog, check out the store, check out the other things that are there. And by the way, buy something. If you buy something, it helps keep more of these shows coming. If you like what I just said, if you think it's valuable, if you're looking forward to have somebody say that stuff to you again and again and more than just, you know, if you have to buy a hat, a t-shirt a walking stick, a wallet, whatever you gotta do about buy something off

The website, it'll help drive the podcast. Appreciate it.

These notes are delightfully (and intentionally) unedited.