The Queens are ready to watch that ball drop it like it's hot! In honor of New Years the Queens rate and review a 3 Star Yelp Review for Planet Fitness that is certain to offend, and a 1 dot TripAdvisor Review for the posh Nikki Beach Miami! Trey's gonna cook, Chelsey is gonna meditate and they discuss the joys of glitter and most shocking of all: online reviewers.

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(00:01) Birdie Offer! 

(05:40) Lodge a Complaint!

(06:00) RESOLUTIONS!

(11:11) Planet Fitness Review

(29:36) Exclusive Offer

(30:45) Meryl-Go-Round

(35:44) Nikki Beach Miami Review

(50:43) My Royal Highness

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@TheReviewQueens | @ChelseyBD | @TreyGerrald 

---

Review That Review is an independent podcast.  Executive Produced by Trey Gerrald and Chelsey Donn with editing and sound design by Trey Gerrald.  Cover art designed by LogoVora, voiceover talents by Eva Kaminsky, and our theme song was written by Joe Kinosian and sung by Natalie Weiss.

[Theme Song]

Hi.

Hello!

Oh God, you look so good.

Happy New Year!

Happy New Year Review That Review Queens.

Hey everyone.

Welcome to Review That Review.

We are the podcast dedicated to reviewing

Reviews!

We're just like Siskel and Ebert only instead of reviewing cinematic masterpieces, we

[laughing]

Trey...you alright?

I'm trying to put these stupid glasses on these, um, happy New Year.

They're like paper.

I bought these New Years glasses thinking they were real, but they're paper.

They are indeed paper.

But you look amazing.

I'm wearing New Year's glasses for the Patreon anyway, that voice Chelsey Donn!

And that voice is Trey Gerrald

and together our voices form

the review Queens.

And you are an RQtie if I might say so myself, Trey look so dapper you guys.

First of all, he's sporting a very dapper mustache The hair's perfect.

The glasses, even though they're paper are very chic.

And they have a crown on them,

They have...oh my God.

Yes.

I didn't even notice the crown.

They say happy New Year.

Trey has a bow tie on and a nice tux moment and a tensil boa?

This is actually a Hanukkah boa, but it's silver.

So

It very much works.

Yes.

Love.

Anyway, how is your week goin, Chelsey?

My weekend's going great.

I'll just start by saying that.

So Trey was like, we should trust up.

Cause it's New Year, you know, our New Year's episode.

And I was like, oh yeah, I have this like perfect dress.

It's black.

And it has these gold dots on it, but I haven't worn it since pre COVID.

So it was a little worried that it was going to be tight and it's like loose.

So.

Mazeltov!

Yeah.

I mean, I feel great.

So that's very exciting.

My week has been good.

I started going, I think I may maybe mentioned that I started going to acupuncture again,

He told me that I needed to sleep on my left side.

That's very, very important.

Apparently, are you a side sleeper?

I am a side sleeper.

Yeah.

Do you know if you sleep on your left or your right?

I switch.

I go back and forth.

Apparently it's unhealthy to sleep on the right side.

It's healthy to sleep on the left side and I've been switching and I really,

I feel better.

I wake up more awake.

I, my acid reflux, I have acid reflux.

Much better.

So I don't know.

I'm just going to keep doing it, even though it does disrupt my sleep a little bit.

Cause I'm not used to it.

You know, New Year, new side sleeper, left sider.

For me!

It's probably something with like the heart and whatever, you know, I

Yes.

Yes.

But it's like the most comfortable I've ever laid on my back and I can't get comfortable laying on

Yeah.

How's your week been otherwise?

Good.

I've been a little hesitant to share this, but I have recently been investigating

And so I downloaded an app called couch to three K or couch to 4k.

And I'm just, you know, I'm just in week two or I'm at the beginning of week three, it's

And I've already lost four pounds.

Oh my God.

Look at us just apparently losing weight or body mass or something.

But I can feel.

Like my knees, you know, it's like gives me the excuse to take a bath every night,

And of course it's like snowing.

So like I picked the worst season to become a runner running, but I'm so into it.

I love it.

And, um, I'm wondering if maybe.

Talking about weight.

Yeah, that's a good segue into-

Lodge.

A Complaint.

Trey, I just feel like it's a New Year.

We got to bring in that positive energy.

So I'm thinking for this episode, let's not Lodge A Complaint though.

We know we both have tons to lodge, but for today in honor of New

Let's do it.

Let's do resolutions instead!

Come on a make a change!

You can change!

You can change!

Change it!

Yay.

Well, if anyone knows where that sound cue was from, uh, you're hilarious.

So my resolution, I, you know, I think that I would like to take on.

My resolve for 2022 is to cook more because it really has been something that

We've been a little more proactive as the months have been moving towards the end of the year.

You know, we're being more diligent about grocery shopping and it's just something

And so we do tend to like skirt around it often, but I'm really going to take on.

Making things in the kitchen, trying out recipes, exploring what that means and

I remember being younger at Thanksgiving dinners and it's like, what are you thankful for?

Be thankful for your health.

And it's like, yeah.

But then as you get older, you know, I really have a more profound understanding

And I think that also just cooking is more.

It's just taking care, taking care of financially, taking care of the family, being together,

I know you love cooking.

So I am declaring for 2022.

I am going to.

Cook more.

That's such a great resolution.

And I know that's a big deal for you.

Trey because we've had many conversations about this.

So I'm like, are you sure you don't want to maybe cooking, and this is a big step.

So

yeah, I grew up eating fast food for every.

That was like what my situation was growing up.

That's what I yearned for.

So I'm changing the habit.

Maybe I'll get an air fryer.

I can recommend one.

Oh, good.

Okay.

Chelsey, what is your resolution?

Thank you for asking, Trey.

So I've really been trying to get.

More micro with my resolutions.

Cause I feel like in the past I've always done the typical resolutions

I'm going to do these things that feel very overwhelming.

And last year, my New Year's resolution, which I think I mentioned was to accept compliments, which

So this year I thought, what can I, what can I add to my life?

That doesn't feel too taxing, but that could help me.

Yeah.

And I was thinking, I want to commit to meditate.

But just once a week to start, you know, just once a week can be a short guided meditation

So that's my New Year's resolution is to meditate once a week.

It feels not too daunting, which is what I look for in a New Year's resolution.

I think that's smart.

It's setting yourself up for success.

You know, the whole thing about a habit as however many hours, and you got to start small,

Yeah.

I'm not trying to run a marathon.

Yeah.

I'm trying to like encourage running.

I really like the name of the app.

It just makes you feel good.

Like, oh yes.

I was on the couch.

Yeah, totally.

Now I'm going to ease my way.

We're all about easing our way into 2022.

Let's be honest.

We've been through a lot the past couple of years!

But I love this.

We can, maybe we can periodically check in, see if we need to support

I would love to be your accountability buddy!

Listeners too.

Yeah.

All right.

Awesome.

And also call and leave a voicemail.

Let us know your New Year's resolution.

And maybe we can remind you on the show or something to help keep you from.

Actually let's do that.

Please call and our voicemail box and leave us a voicemail, telling us what your resolution is.

Maybe it's something we can like focus on for the month of January.

Maybe even throughout the year.

You know, there's nothing more powerful than wanting to be better.

True.

So 1-850- REVIEW-zero.

Call us up.

I was going to say there might be one thing Trey that is more powerful than that.

Tell us what.

I think it's online reviews and the people who live them, ya know?

Girl!

You're a Professional, look at that.

Wendy Williams.

Wow.

I think that we should jump in because as you all know, Chelsey and

We each bring in a review from the internet that we feel needs to be inspected.

We read the review, we break it down and rate the impact of the

It's a very Regal process that we call

Assess That Kvetch.

And this week, Trey and I are each sharing reviews from the internet

Cause you guys know, we love a special edition episodes.

So this of course is our special edition and New Year's episode.

And your first, today, RQ T

New Year, New Me!.

Yes, take it away.

RQ

Review That Review.

Okay.

So today I was really thinking when I think of the New Year, what are things I think of?

And I.

Do you think of times square, which we've thoroughly covered

So I was like, I don't want to do times square, but I want like, what do I think of when I

And I think of like all the funny hats that everyone wears and

Planet Fitness hats, because Planet Fitness, while having a sponsorship with the television

So today I have a three star review from Yelp written by Matthew Q.

For Planet Fitness.

Let's hear it.

Is that a Planet Fitness?

The one that like, it's like a dollar a month or something like, it's not a dollar,

It is interesting.

So Planet Fitness is like a nationwide gym that is traditionally anywhere

It was one of the first sort of very cheap costs.

Gyms.

Yeah.

Okay.

I'm glad I know that.

All right.

So here we go here as Matthew Q's, three star Yelp review for planet fitness.

Can't wait.

LOL, where to start.

When I first came here and went to the changing room for the first time I see is a swing day.

I thought this was a gay gym.

So I want downstairs and demanded a refund.

Cause damn this can't be an everyday thing, but they insisted this wasn't so we LOL at off.

So a month in, I notice I get looked at.

That's like the at symbol.

Okay.

A lot by these hungry looking females.

So I'm thinking, damn, I guess the girls in here, like working their arms because I'm always

See, the name planet fitness is only 50% accurate, but it's not a planet for.

It's a planet filled with some of the most thirstiest dehydrated Fox and a concentrated area.

The sexual frustration was real.

So I made the George Bush decision and almost getting with on of them

Perverted story short, I came to the conclusion that 70% of the girls in there got toxic pussys

Sorry.

They probably wash there Cuchies in the east river.

Stop it.

If I had stuck my Dick in there, it would have spontaneously combusted.

Also, if you want machines go there at midnight, way better.

Oh, my friggin God.

Okay.

Matthew is giving that other guy.

What was his name?

The Pillsbury guy?

Yeah, the OkCupid guy, a real run for his money.

Isn't this crazy?!

Okay.

This is so crazy for so many reasons.

Number one.

I don't understand some of the words in this Review!

am I just like, I mean, I just looked up thot, cause I was like, I feel like I've heard that one.

So that's a woman who has many casual sexual encounters or relationships.

What is with like the attack on women and also like the.

Dick thing in the, in the dressing room, what what was he referencing?

So it does appear just off the bat.

Matthew did not do a spellcheck,

obviously.

Right?

So thot...

it's funny to me that you didn't know thot, but there's no judgment.

Thot..

Thank you.

I've heard it before.

Planet fitness is a no judgment zone.

Right?

That's their slogan.

Thot is an acronym and it stands for that ho over there, which can be any gender,

Non-binary people can be hose as well.

Well, that's, I mean, that's really my biggest complaint with this Review!

was like, why are we narrowing in on the women?

Why are we attacking the women here?

Like all of a sudden the women, are thots.

I know some thirsty guys at gyms too.

Well, it sounds like, it sounds like Matthew was thirsty.

I mean, he carried through with at least one of these women that he is, you know,

well I don't know, because it says, I came to the conclusion

So is Matthew, a mathematician, like how did they get the average of 70% also, they sort of

- Chelsey Donn: that's what I was asking.

What, like, what were they saying they saw?

It says the first thing I see is a swing deck, I think they left out the ING

Oh like a swinging dick?

That's what I think.

Like somebody has their d, their dick out in the, in the locker,

in the locker room, which they call a changing room.

And then they immediately went downstairs because they thought this was a gay them.

They can't go to a gay gym.

I feel grossed out.

Okay.

And then there's just a lot of misspell every time there.

The word I is here, unless it's at the beginning of a sentence, it's lowercase.

Spelling was terrible.

They use the at symbol twice.

Doesn't bother me as much.

Like it is colloquial, but we all know what it means at least.

Yeah.

That's an interesting point.

Yeah, I don't, yeah.

Yeah.

It's not scholarly.

Review!

Queenie, but it's not like a demerit,

You know, also it says, like I made the George Bush decision and almost getting with.

I on, but I think they mean one getting with one of them and still,

Wait, Almost getting with One?

and almost getting with one of them until the, the cloths, but it should

Okay,

so.

Oh, so, okay, so, so what we're claiming Matthew, which again, doesn't,

They took their clothes off and then he was like, get outta here.

You thot!

I guess?

I'm also recognizing here that twice Matthew Q speaks in percentage.

Saying that planet fitness is only 50% accurate, accurate.

And then the conclusion that 70% of the girls got toxic pussies spelled P U S S Y S.

Is that how you would spell pussies?

Wouldn't it be?

I E S?

Oh plural of pus...

But how do you spell Turkeys?

Because isn't YS, turkeys?

God, I don't know.

I don't usually say turkeys.

Cause kitties, you would say kitties is IES

Would be IES.

Puppies, IES.

So would pussies?

It's probably...[laughing]...IES I don't know.

This conversation is making me very uncomfortable.

It's very interesting to me that you can say Dick so many

I mean, I guess those are not, they're vulgar, but they're not cuss words, but like, like to

Yeah.

I mean, you obviously heard my multiple gasps.

I even interrupted a little bit, which I apologize for, but I just, I couldn't hold back.

And here's where I'm struggling with, with Matthew Q here, even, even to give them anything.

Do we find any value in Matthew's Review!

is there anything in here that you're like, okay, good to know.

Well, they say that if you want machines go there at midnight, it's way better.

It's the last statement.

I mean, okay.

The only point is that it's crowded.

So go at a late time.

Also I'm thinking maybe like the locker rooms, aren't very private because you can see.

I just think this is so gross.

I hate when, I mean, I didn't want any, well, you, if this was re reverse gender and there

So obviously this hits closer to home, but.

Peeved for sure.

And think it's inappropriate and crazy and Ooh, I'm so grossed out.

I'm going to try to like go through some of the notes that I made.

I mean, LOLed it off?

Yeah.

I laughed out loud it off.

So does that mean, does that mean that the people at the front desk were homophobic as well?

Because they were laughing out loud with them?.

Why are we we're mixing, we're mixing phrases here.

Let's just say laughed at all.

Why is it laughed out loud at all?

Oh, good catch.

Why?

W you know, we, even if it was like, we LOLed, that's I guess.

Okay.

I don't know.

There's something about the LOLed it off that I'm like, all right.

This Review!

was written seven years ago and it has not been taken down.

Oh, really?

Interesting.

That is crazy.

You think like someone would have read it and reported it.

There's tons of replies really on other reviews.

Yeah.

So they, you know, they saw it.

Why wouldn't they report this?

There it's very easy to report this Review!.

I mean, I almost want to go on and report it myself because there is a

There, there is a category for inappropriate language.

And why is this three-stars?!

That was exactly the point I was just about to make, what,

Which, at first, before I found out the truth about Matthew Q not leaning into the queue for any

I thought, all right, I'm interested.

I like a three star review.

We've talked about this before.

It's sort of middle of the road.

When I read a three star review, I expect to have some positives thrown into the Review!

little negative sprinkled in there, but you know, a little enough to make it feel

Something bad happened at this place that I really liked, you know, even if it.

The swinging Dick, which I think again, homophobic, but like, still eww

If you're a so offended by 50%.

Of planet fitness and you don't even want to look at any of the women that are

Why are you giving this three stars?

It sounds like you hate 50% of it.

Well, I was thinking maybe it's three stars, because this is the only

Also, I didn't think the idea of seeing a swinging Dick was homophobic.

I thought the idea of, I thought this was a gay gym.

So I went downstairs and demanded a refund because damn this can't be an everyday thing.

That was the homophobic.

Yes.

I agree.

But that whole section, like where I was like, I thought it was a dildo.

I didn't know what.

They were talking, he was talking about, but I did think that he was alluding to

It's interesting.

I'm trying to take myself back to seven years ago.

Like we're we culturally in a place where it's like cool to say that.

Cause I would have believed that unless you're an extremist religious

Um, a lot of women are friends with gay people.

So you can't like hate gay people.

Like your women are not going to think that's cool.

Like thankfully gay people have that going for them.

I don't think Matthew has any level of self-awareness

clearly!

Who leaves this review?!

This review Is completely lacking.

Self-awareness I don't even think it's a time thing.

I don't want to give any excuses, obviously.

I can never really expect that people are going to see the world the way you and I see the world.

I don't think seven years, 10 years, 20 years, 30 years is an excuse for this kind of bigotry.

And not only for this kind of bigotry, but this.

Public declaration of your bigotry as if this is okay.

It's not okay, Matthew, I'm not pleased.

I hope that in the seven years, since you've written the survey view, there

But the Mathew that opted to write this, Review!

not only is extremely inappropriate, extremely hurtful.

And just gross an irksome.

You are clogging up the planet fitness yelp!

In that context, it really is so weird.

Like I wonder if Matthew Q would be ashamed of this today.

It is like, it's such a portrait of, of a person's viewpoint in life that is so unflattering.

Even if you don't like gay people, if it, if you have an issue with that.

But I think we all can understand.

You can't speak about women like this, especially if you were wanting to have

I'm disappointed.

I'm disappointed!

Okay.

We've said this spelling grammar is awful.

We don't really find much value.

Maybe the last sentence.

No

truthful / shady?

Not funny.

It's hilariously not funny.

No.

So what do we think?

I mean, we don't even think that Matthew's being truthful here because they're saying.

They've reached this conclusion after almost getting with someone and then

Right.

but like, how did you reach that mathematical conclusion?

Correct.

Don't trust him.

No.

So Like I think I could crown this.

I I'm going to struggle to crown it because I, you know, but I will crown Matthew.

I do want to tell before we do one person has found this useful in the seven

And one person has marked it as cool.

The only, sorry I'm flustered.

The only thing that is a little reassuring about that is that it has been there for so long.

And I guess only that amount of the populus.

You know, is in some agreement with Matthew, which, makes me hope that the majority

literally.

All right.

Let's crown Matthew.

So Chelsey and I each have our own set of one to five crown cards and in an effort to

The Queens are Tabulating.

Okay.

Are you ready?

I'm ready.

Total Score!

I really thought you might do zero.

I thought we were going to have a Show-First!.

Exactly.

I mean, I really want to, we're both holding up a half round.

I really wanted to do zero.

I don't have a zero crowns card.

I, after reading Matthew's Review!

I think maybe I need to make one.

Quite frankly, I Trey is putting back on his New Year glasses.

I think there's no value here.

The only reason why I was even able to muster half of a crown for Matthew

I guess eye roll, with the coming after midnight to be able to utilize the machines.

I guess you can say there's a tip there.

I really, really, really wanted to give Matthew zero crowns.

And if I was his grandmother, I would give him a spanking for.

I mean, not in a good way, not in like a sexual way.

No, a bad one.

A bad spanking.

Anyway, Trey, why did you give Matthew half of a crown?

I did half of a crown because of that final sentence.

I do think that as a gay person, there is an inherent sexual energy at a gym.

And so if I was a straight man, I was reading mass then like maybe there would

I don't find Matthew Q to be trustworthy either.

So I just said half a crown, because if I was similar to Matthew and morals and ethics, then

But it has nothing to do with planet fitness.

That's nothing, there's no value.

Like it's just, the spelling is atrocious.

So for that reason, I did half a crown.

It needs to go if we had like a Review!

Queens equivalent to like Razzie is for worst Review!

ever, I think this would be a nominee for me.

I think he would be a nominee.

But I do think ultimately I wouldn't want to honor Matthew any more than

That's true.

All right.

Well, let's take a quick break.

Cause clearly I need a breather and when we come back, we can get into my Review!

BRB.

Hold Your crown we'll be right back.

Chelsey and I are so excited to share this exclusive Review

Now from the makers of BarkBox super chewer as a monthly subscription-based service

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All right.

It's game time.

Chelsey let's take quick little spin on the Meryl-Go-Round.

'I don't feel like an icon.

Most of the days, I feel like 'I can't!' That's with an,.

A'..

All right.

Here's the deal.

Trey and I have each picked a rotten scathing, pithy One-Star-Zinger.

And with 30 seconds on the clock, we'll take turns, reciting the

Just like queen Meryl Streep, who does it all!

Before the clock runs out.

All right, Chelsey, my dear.

What is your zinger for this New Years bash?

I'm so glad that you asked.

I don't actually was just thinking about it.

I should've looked this up before the show.

I'm not sure if Meryl's in this movie, because I think that Meryl is in a few of

With like 900 actors in it.

Yeah.

You know how they always make all those movies?

That just seems like, I dunno.

CAA was like trying to get everybody their health insurance or something like that.

Yeah.

I think that this is one of those.

This is a one-star Google review from Noelle F for the movie, New Year's Eve: puke on a stick.

You owe me so much beer.

Puke on a stick.

I don't know.

I just thought that was so funny.

Have you ever seen New Year's Eve?

No, have you?

No.

Okay.

All right.

Are you ready?

Oh, I'm going to confirm nor deny.

Okay.

I'm going to strap you into, I got to say at the New Year's Eve ball,

that's what I was going to strap you into, but I'll find something else.

No, we can both be on it.

Okay.

We'll see who gets there first to the bottom.

Okay.

Sounds good.

I'm ready.

3, 2, 1, Go!

Televangelists.

You always tell us man, breaking news.

You kinda sick.

You owe me so much beer,

teen drama.

You want me so much

beer melodrama?

You

don't film.

You stick

so much beer.

3, 2, 1.

Very good queen.

You got six.

Yay!

Okay Trey.

Where's your finzingerger from this week?

Okay.

This week, my One-Star-Zinger is from party city.

Oh, yeah.

A favorite of yours.

That is a new favorite, especially for zingers.

This is a New Year's Eve tinsil party hat.

Okay.

It is $6.

And you know, unfortunately they don't tell you who the reviewer is.

This One-Star-Zinger subject is, do not waste money on this.

And the Review!

is very ugly sewed.

It did not look like the picture at all.

Okay.

What, isn't the correct grammar sewn?.

Yes.

Yes it is.

Okay.

Yeah.

And it's interesting because the tensile hat itself is like see-through, but on

And then the rim is so it's like, it's like clear plastic that's filled with tensile.

So maybe that's why it's sewn.

So ugly regardless who cares?

Am I on the ball too?

Yeah, I also was going to have you on the ball, but I was thinking I

Yeah.

With the cork, you're like popping.

You're gonna like, you're gonna fly around.

Oh, look at that.

And he has a champagne ready.

You're going to fly around the Meryl-Go-Round with the force of a pop cork.

Okay.

So no pressure, but get ready to fly.

All right.

I'm going to really channel that.

So here we go.

Here we go.

3, 2, 1.

GO!

Musical theater, very

ugly sowed.

It did not look like the picture at all.

Film new are

them really ugly.

So I did not look like the picture at all.

Soap opera

at all.

Lifetime

horror.

3, 2, 1.

That's all!

Trey.

You're so funny.

You're so good at this game.

You got five.

My friend.

That was great.

So close, but no cigar cause you're the winner.

I guess the Ball wins this time.

Yup.

And the champion cork ends up in the trash, but you know what?

We've got a full year for me to get back on top

Review That Review.

Ah, all right.

We are back for that rousing game break and it is now your turn Chelsey Donn,

from this week?

Okay.

So this review is written about the, I guess you call it like a club, like a

No!

It's like a club slash restaurant.

I feel like it had a really good reputation maybe.

Are we calling it the early aughts?

Is that what we say about early two thousands?

But like, I want to say like early two thousands, it was a very popular place to go.

They have a few locations.

One of them being Miami, which I want to say was maybe the first.

So this is a One, dot Review!

from TripAdvisor writtenby Kathleen T about Nikki Beach.

Okay.

My fiance and I visited Miami Beach for New Year's weekend.

We dined in some of the finest restaurants over a four night vacation.

By far the worst service and poorly prepared food was at this place, which according to the reviews

The staff was exhausted from New Year's Eve the night before apparently having tossed

I get that.

Glad it was a smash, but they chose to be open on the first and the

If they were not up to it both physically or mentally, they should've closed for the holiday.

We waited to be seated.

Yes.

We had reservations for several weeks, actually for 20 minutes with no one even looking at us.

Yes, we were groomed and dressed very appropriately.

Finally at our seat, we watched two servers about to lose their minds over the mistakes

The drinks took a bit, but were weak, the food, which by then we decided to just get a couple of

When the $51 bill showed up, we were just happy to have this very disappointing experience over with.

I wasn't even going to write a bad review because this company has over

And I'm sure they will not care less over one bad review, but I assure them and all who read

Wow.

Kathleen,

Kathleen T had a bad experience out of the interest of true transparency.

I think there were two times where the word lose was written and both

Oh, so an extra Oh.

Extra oh.

Okay.

So I have a couple of thoughts here because.

Okay.

Timeframe.

Is Kathleen saying they waited 20 minutes to be seated and then they waited

Yes!

Did you find that suspicious?

No, I'm just thinking, like, I think that waiting 20 minutes for your

I mean, waiting always makes people upset, but waiting 20 minutes.

So order alcohol, I think is crazy.

I agreed, especially after having just waited 20 minutes.

Cause now you figure we're 40 minutes past the reservation and we haven't

I also love that Kathleen multiple times twice for sure.

Says.

Yes, we did reservations.

Yes, we were.

Well-groomed it's like, don't try to question me, Review Queens.

I actually really, really liked that because as I was reading

And then it was like, yeah, we did like, you know, I didn't think about the dress thing, but

it was funny to me.

Like, it's assuming that you're going to be negated.

Which is like an interesting point of view of the world.

I think that it it's a little bit is a little bit to do with like the

I mean, this review was written in 16, so that was, you know, five years ago.

So I think it was still pretty popular at that point.

And I think it's like the person that wants to go to Nikki Beach, might

Like, well, maybe you weren't the right clientele.

Maybe you didn't make a reservation.

You know?

So I think that Kathleen T is writing this Review!

to that individual

That comes across too in the way Kathleen says, like this

And like, obviously, like they probably won't care about my one grievance.

So it's also funny to me.

That Kathleen mentions like the glossy advertisements.

Yeah.

What does that mean?

Like it it's glossy and like how fun it looks or like glossy and like magazines or

I don't know.

I sort of wondered about that too.

Like, are we using glossy and this sentence literally like a glossy, like you said, like flier

Glowing, almost like glowing reviews.

I wasn't sure.

Or glowing advertisements.

You know what I mean?

Oh, interesting.

There's no way to deduce.

For me.

I

guess if I was going to define glossy, I would think somewhere

It just makes me think of.

Lip gloss.

And then I also love that.

They're like, okay, we need to cut our losses.

This has just been so horrible.

So horrible.

Let's just get appetizers,

Let's just get appetizers and get outta here.

But then I did think is Nikki Beach also like a club that serves dinner?.

Yeah.

I mean, it's like a, it's like a club restaurant,

Right.

Because I would think that the fastest appetizers are going to be similar to a gas station.

Cause it's probably going to be popcorn chicken or calamari or like onion rings, basket.

Like it's all that stuff that like is quick,

right?

Yeah.

What did you think about that as like a dig?

I think that it's a smart tactic for Kathleen to take.

If, if Kathleen anticipate it's not being taken seriously by the organization to allude that

Yeah.

It's definitely a dig!

But that's even more disappointing, but then I'm also

You have got, at least I'm assuming it's two people, maybe more, they've gotten

I'm like, that's pretty cheap!

I know.

I was just not to say the same thing.

Like at my bougie for thinking like, wait, you definitely, at least got one round of

So it had to have been more than one and you'll only be at $51.

That.

Yeah, that seems, that seems very low, especially considering I've never been

I would think $18 for like a signature cocktail.

Yeah.

So with tax and everything, like, you know?

SO, okay.

So much of this experience, Kathleen, at least places the blame on the

And they've made the assumption that everyone's just tired, right?

I'm questioning the value here because maybe this is very valuable for that

Like don't go after New Year's or like, that just expect everyone to be

They're going to have a huge party the night before.

Servers and such, we'll probably be young and hot.

And even if they weren't working on New Year's Eve, but they're

So either way, we're not doing the creme de LA creme of service.

I agree.

That's the worst time to work.

Yeah.

I do think it's a choice to be open on New Year's day.

I can understand the impetus to make a reservation at Nikki Beach on New Year's day.

Just because if it's open, maybe you're thinking let's keep the party going.

You know?

So I don't, I don't fall Kathleen T for making this reservation.

I think they obviously let us know that they were disappointed in the

There's nothing about the Review!

necessarily.

And Ty Nikki Beach, except for the gas station deg, which obviously would

But even this year, 2021 and 2022 New Year's Eve is Friday.

And New Year's day is Saturday.

Of course, this place is going to be open.

What does that dig about?

Like if you made the choice to be open, you made that choice.

Like it's a Saturday night.

Like, of course it's I don't know.

I mean, I guess the only response I'd have to that is

I mean, I like every year I feel like I have amnesia and I forget how things

I don't know, maybe cause like on Christmas day, a lot of restaurants are closed.

I'm not sure, but I do imagine because we do take

You're going to have, and if you're in Miami, you're in tourist town!

You're not closing on New Year's day.

You think you would be catering to hung over people on New Year's

I don't know.

Do you think that Kathleen is being truthful?

I do.

I do too.

I think Kathleen has made a huge assumption that everyone's hung up.

But like, I think you can tell when someone's hung over.

So if we're making that assessment, I think it's probably at least half warranted.

Right?

Well, I was going to say, I would like Kathleen to have explicitly stated it was very clear that

Wasn't completely hung over, like, you know, whatever.

That's just my thought, but I mean then, then the commonality, I don't know, maybe, maybe, but.

Yeah, it is hard.

It does feel very specific to this time of year, which has value to me because we've like

reader that will go and type in the specific thing that I'm looking for.

So if I was going to go to Nikki Beach in Miami for New Year's, I would go to TripAdvisor

Cause, Patreon.

I got S I got a story for you guys later about, uh, Miami new years.

I actually, two Miami new years experiences that I had that were equally insane.

So I would want to know if I was going to do Miami a third time.

Is this the place to do it because I've been burned before?

So I think I would take it into consideration at very least.

Yeah.

I mean, I think I can talk about the impact of my crowning.

Do you think there's anything else?

Spelling and grammar mostly good.

Except for those two changes that I made: loose, lose.

I'm confused.

How many pairs of New Year's glasses do you have, Trey?

I was telling Patreon, this was like a photo booth package that I thought would

So we've got two more to go through, You and I, Chels.

That's hilarious.

Cause you guys, I didn't even notice until like, this is the fourth pair that you're

Yeah I've worn three other ones.

Okay.

So let's uh, let's crown it.

The Queens are Tabulating.

You ready?

Yes!

Total Score!

Oh dear.

I said one and a half.

I'll interesting trays holding up one and a half.

I'm holding up three crowns.

Trey, tell us why are you holding up one and a half crowns?

I just said one and a half crowns because it's so

And I, I am feeling conflicted because we're going off of the fact that the whole establishment was

So then they came over with the drinks and then took a long time and then they

I don't have enough evidence that that's true.

That's what Kathleen has presented.

So therefore going along with that, it's not funny, you know, maybe two little

I think maybe Kathleen is truthful.

Like I think whatever.

I also thought that like, there's not that much value here to me other than it's not

So I said one and a half because ultimately the people that work there might be

So like, if that's maybe valuable to me, but other than that, I don't think there's much value here.

So that's why I said one and a half.

Why did you say three?

I said three, because I did find value here.

I, like I said, I'm the type of reviewer that's going to search the word.

Beyond that.

Like things that I like knowing and reviews before I go to restaurants, especially like,

Like, is this the type of place where I'm going to have to wait?

Even though I have a reservation, I don't know if that's only the case because it's near as day.

I kind of feel like it's not.

Cause I think a place like Nikki Beach.

Like we said kind of a tourist shop, so it's going to be crowded most of the time.

So I thought that was good information to know like, alright, prepare myself.

I might be waiting 20 minutes to get in.

I might be, you know, waiting a while to be served.

I better make sure I don't show up like hangry.

And like I needed a drink yesterday if I'm going to go to Nikki Beach.

So I did find.

Valuable and spelling was mostly good.

I believe that Kathleen T's experience was authentic to what they really experienced.

So for that reason, I awarded Kathleen T three, three crowns.

I did it.

Love it.

Good job.

Very fun.

Now I want to go to Miami.

I can't wait to hear your story and the after-show podcasts, but in the meantime,

I am so curious.

I would love for you to tell me, who are you inducting this week for

My Royal Highness

I had this planned and I'm going to still do it, even though one of

I'm going to make for My Royal Highness, this New Year's people who write online reviews.

Right?

We got to give it up for the people that write online reviews.

We wouldn't have a show if people

- Trey Gerrald: This is so META!

Right.

But if people were not brave enough to at least step forward and give us their

You're doing it for free.

Obviously we've, we've had a few Review!

Queens on the show.

We've given many people high ratings in terms of their reviews, which means that constantly

And I just think.

It's overdue.

Try.

We have to induct the online Review!

writers as our Royal Highness.

Don't you think

it's so smart and such a great induction.

There is power in sharing truth.

Yes.

And there's fun.

And, and reading shared shadiness.

I mean, it's all the things about the show that we love.

Exactly.

All right.

Trey.

Who are you inducting on this New Year's Eve as your Royal Highness?

Well, today I was thinking, what do I love about New Year's New Year's bashes.

And I am going to induct confetti.

I love confetti and glitter.

I just think that it's so fun.

I love it.

Any activity where people are in high spirits, where they will kiss and show affection and love.

And the possibility I feel like new years is so ripe with I'm going to like achieve it all.

And that's a beautiful energy.

And I think that that is encapsulated in confetti glitter.

It's just like we are unabashedly throwing and celebrating and smiling and looking

And open-hearted all of those things.

That's how glitter is to me.

Confetti.

And so for that reason, I am inducting confetti for My Royal Highness.

I love that.

I love that moment on like reality shows, whatever it is when the person wins.

And then they like set off that confetti bomb and all of a sudden the person is like,

And there's all that confetti falling.

It's like a very satisfying thing to watch.

Wait.

Did I Lodge a complaints about confetti at Broadway shows?

I don't think so.

Was that a dress rehearsal?

I don't remember you doing that.

Okay.

I'm going to circle back to that.

Cause I do have a complaint about confetti in musicals, but

I also have a complaint about glitter, but I think we're going to allow-

...because you have to clean it up?

Well, they say it's the herpes of arts and crafts,

right.

It never right.

You can't biodegrade, but now people make biodegradable glitter.

Oh no, I wasn't thinking for the biodegradable reason, I was thinking,

it's there forever.

I mean, I'm still finding stars from our photo shoot, which was June.

But great induction confetti deserves it.

I mean, I there's something that happens adrenaline wise, right?

When that confetti bomb goes off, it's like, if you're not excited, if you're an

And after something really exciting happens, I think biologically something's not right.

It's like the same feeling of a rollercoaster.

It's just like, Wooo!

Yeah.

It's like a natural like adrenaline, like, oh my God.

You know, it's like being in a perfect snow storm.

That's controlled

and not cold.

Exactly.

All right.

My queen, well, with that said happy new year.

That is another round on the RU, a RQ Ferris wheel, New Year's bath,

new years bash.

I love that.

Thank you for joining us today.

If you like, what you heard will you do as a special New Year's favor and tell

Tell all the people.

And if you didn't like what you heard telling enemy, we would love

And don't forget, we want to hear from you, call in, tell us your New Year's

If you forgot the number it's 1-850-REVIEW-0.

You can also follow us on all of the socials at @theReviewQueens I'm

And I, am @TreyGerrald, I've just put on the seventh pair of glasses just under

When you join our patreon at www.patreon.com/ReviewThatReview.

And remember, ignore the haters this year.

And every year you are a Queen!

Gender non-specific new Year's bash queen.

Yes!

Love it.

Bye.

Bye everyone.

Happy new years!

Happy New Year!

10, 9, 8...

Review That Review!

is an independent podcast, certain names have been redacted or changed to protect the guilty!

Executive pProduced by Trey Gerrald and Chelsey Donn, with editing

With voiceover talents,by Eva Kaminsky.

Our cover art was designed by LogoVora and our theme song was written by Joe

Happy New Year!

Wooo!