Leigh Ann: Okay, well this has been an interview I think both of us have been so excited for, for a while now, since we decided that we were gonna do this. And there's, as always, there's gonna be a few different things we cover, but the bulk of this, we're mid-December now. Coming into the new year, I think both of us get a little bit giddy for this time of year, for that new year.

It's literally one of my favorite times. Every single year and we're gonna be talking about some big things. I think both of us are gonna be sharing some exciting news that we haven't shared publicly yet. And talking about long lost dreams or long lost parts of ourselves, like you said before we started recording, that have been left to gather dust and what parts of those selves are those for each of us? And how are we gonna start to bring those back to life? How are we gonna start to fuel those fires again, so many different things and I feel a little nervous to be honest.

Diana Mendoza: I know. I'm super excited about this episode today. It's been something that I've been wanting to talk to you about for a while, you know, personally.

And then of course, on the podcast about what we have left behind. In our life that we wanna bring in the new year and in this new season. And, you know, I'm super excited about this time. You know, I love the holidays. There's a lot of stress and pressure when it comes with it, but the new year, there's nothing more magical than the new year.

Leigh Ann: Let's get right into it. I feel like, do you wanna go first? I'm all for vulnerability. I think this one is just, It's one that I know for a fact there are gonna be plenty of people who are gonna be rolling their eyes and being like, who the fuck do you think you are?

But this is what I'm excited to get into, actually, is sharing my thought process through all of this. Yeah. But I'm still a little nervous, so do you wanna go first? What are the long, what were some of the long lost parts of Diana?

Diana Mendoza: So, you know, I have to say, when I look back and I'm like, what did I love doing the most?

As a child and what do I love doing the most now? And that's talking. I love talking and I only got in trouble at school because I talked all the time. And I love talking. I love talking. You know, I go to the grocery store and I talk to everybody and the kids always like mom, like seriously, why do you, why do you have a conversation with the checkout girl?

And for me it's about knowing that person has been seen, but also that, I don't know, like maybe I made her day if I asked her how she was doing. So talking is something that I wanna continue to do and I wanna bring that back in my life. Um, as being a Latina and growing up in a very strict household, you know, you were typically supposed to be, seen, not heard.

Leigh Ann: And I feel like kind of butterflies hearing that I, I'm like, I'm so excited for you.

Diana Mendoza: And this podcast is really geared, for the woman who has been through major challenges in her life, specifically a woman who's had breast cancer and how we can move past the treatments and the medical appointments.

Because once you're done with all of that, and you're, let's say you're a year, two years out, typically you ask, okay, now what am I gonna do? Remember we always had that unfortunate fear that the disease might come back, or we're still dealing with, you know, the residuals of all of this stuff, of the impact of having that disease.

And I've been in this space for 17 years and I've also had the yearning for 17 years to talk about it. To talk about the real things. But not just about like the appointments and all the whatever I did, the surgery and logistics. Logistics. No, I really wanna talk to people about how you rise from the occasion, how you rise from that desperation when you are living through that illness or you're living through such a challenge.

And now being what happened to me over the summer going into cardiac failure, and I've said this on the podcast, is that I will not leave this earth without fulfilling a long lost dream of mine. And the podcast will also include a blog where I will share lots of things. Things that I don't share with anyone.

Meaning like, oh, I share with my close friends about wellness, my infatuation with supplements, and all of the things, but it's, and I'm gonna do interviews with, people like you. And really just putting myself out there for the first time in my life. Like the full self.

Leigh Ann: See, and that's my question is, cuz that's one of the things we wanna talk about is.

We all had certain dreams. What caused the dream to fizzle out? But what I'm wondering for you is, do you feel like at one point in your life you did feel like you had a voice and there was a place for your voice, or do you feel like it was more like there was never room for my voice and I was never able to share it, but in your heart, you always had that yearning and that urge?

Diana Mendoza: Oh my gosh. I feel like I've never been able to share it, and I even have asked myself. How could you ever feel like you don't have a voice in this specific topic? And I even, I feel like I've been so unkind to the younger self who, who has been dealing with things for 17 years. The downfalls and then the rising and all of the things starting a business and like I am the person that can speak about it.

But I feel like I have never had, I couldn't speak about anything.

Leigh Ann: So there's two things. It's the, that early childhood environment of family and feeling like no one, is asking to hear what I have to say. There's just not space for my voice here. But you're saying something interesting, which is this other piece of it that I also, I invalidated myself.

Diana Mendoza: Yes. Oh. Oh my gosh. I've never even heard it that way. I'm having a breakthrough. Yes. I feel like I've invalidated myself for so many years. Like I wasn't an expert at this, even though I am living this life. So yes, I have invalidated myself for many, many, many years, and I am done and I'm going full fledged and I cannot wait.

To put this out there, and it's what I love to do most is, to talk to other people. I really wanna talk to other people all the time.

Leigh Ann: And I think it's, just reflecting that in your heart, in your soul, there was this yearning, there was this nudging that's like your intuition saying, I have something to say.

I have something to contribute with my voice. And any number of reasons was shutting that down. But the question I also wanna ask you is two things. One, And I think this is something so many of us are gonna be able to resonate with. What has it felt like over the last however many years, not letting that piece of you come through, or not feeling like you're allowed to let that piece of you come through?

How has that felt? And then I wanna get into like, okay, what took you from that place to this place? Where you're finally like, no, I'm gonna do it now. Because that's, I think the question for so many of us is we see people pursuing their dreams and we wanna know, How did you get yourself there?

How did you shed the fear, the shame, whatever, whatever. But let's start with how did it feel for however many years to not let that piece come through?

Diana Mendoza: It just felt sad. Like I really have felt sad not being able to share the sad parts of my life, but also the triumphs of my life. In a way that would inspire someone else to fulfill their own dreams and goals.

But being a mom of two girls and raising them very differently than how I was raised, that's not what I want for my children. I want my girls to be able to speak out whatever they wanna speak out and live out whatever. They wanna live out without the fear of judgment or that they're not good enough to do something.

So it's been wild to even come to the realization. It took me 17 years to be like, this is the time. And all honesty, you know, Leigh Ann , I told you about the podcast last year. And then we had a meeting earlier this year and you were so gracious to like literally map it all out for me, but it took me being in a hospital, which I've been in a hospital before , but knowing that I could have gone into full cardiac failure and not made it out, that made me realize I'm not finished, but I haven't even started what I really wanna start. I am doing my younger self, my child, my inner Diana, the young girl such a disservice. And I have a lot to say and I have a lot of like oomph to inspire people and I have a lot to give. And so it took that, it took that moment to really say with fear, I'm just gonna go for it. And I don't know, I don't even know what this all is gonna look like. But I'm gonna get it all done.

Leigh Ann: Yeah, that's the best. And we never do. But something that I just feel like I see time and time again is these yearning, I call them soul yearning, or these nudges, these pieces of ourselves that we've left in the dust. As you said, there is just something so innate within us that we sense. There's a grief around it, like almost a death has happened.

Like, where did this part of me go? And it's so hard to shake that we carry that shadow with us. And I think that's how I felt in what I'm gonna be talking about, there's just a shadow of me that's showing up, or you know, only 60% of me that's showing up in life anymore. But, and it does, it creates so much grief.

And so what I wanna ask now is, certainly you had this experience this year with all of the heart stuff that was like, I feel like. You had been doing all these things leading up to it. And that was just like the final piece of the puzzle that was like, you are fucking doing this. But can we talk about some of those little steps leading up to it?

Because I do think for many of us, when we're look on the outside looking in, it does look like, oh, you had this one, that person had this one eyeopening experience. And then boom, magically everything they wanted happened. When in reality it's much more like, no, we've been chiseling away. Chiseling away at the blocks and barriers to these dreams.

And maybe there also was a really impactful experience that like helped move that along even quicker.

I wanted to write about it. I wanted to write my experience, I wanted to write about all these things, but I was always so fearful of what people were gonna think and say. And so I was like, whatever, you suppress that. You keep suppressing all of these dreams. And then I've always wanted to have a book.

Leigh Ann: It's so funny in my mind's eye, I'm so visual.

I see these things as like when we're young, we come into this earth just so vibrant and shining and bright, almost like we're all little suns . And as we go through life and we're wounded and we experience traumas and all these different things, I picture like each event that causes a wound is like a sheet of metal.

That goes over our body and it's hindering that little piece of us. That light can't come through anymore. And so many of us, I think, I see people who are just completely armored up. There's no light able to come through. And so I, when I think about healing, so often for myself, I think of the reverse of that, of like, every wound I heal is like a sheet of metal I'm pulling off of my body.

And it's a part of me and my light and my authenticity that I'm let letting come through again.

Diana Mendoza: I think a lot of that has to do with all the work that we've done, you know? In the last few years, individually, all the therapy that I've done, you know, EVOX, breath work, all the modalities that we've used to kind of heal, I think has led up to this point as well that I can say I'm ready to go full fledge on this, but also just I'm doing it full-fledged without any expectations of what the end will be because I'm really starting this to listen to that calling I've had for so many years.

Leigh Ann: You're doing it for you, you're not doing it for it. It's that age old saying it's about the journey, not the outcome. You are doing this because this is just a part of yourself that needs to come through.

Diana Mendoza: 100%. And that's, and that's really where's it's like, I don't know what it's all gonna look like at the end.

I don't know how it's gonna be structured. I don't know any of that. I'll get to that at some, I'll get to it, but, I want to continue to help and inspire and create resources for other women that have gone through other challenges, and they can come out of that. And have the most amazing life.

And we all have challenges, but I feel like we, it doesn't need to define who we are. But yeah, I think it's been the little bits and pieces of healing.

Leigh Ann: And that's what I mean, and what I wanna get at is what were some of those key moments of shedding those layers or like, you know, the breast cancer happened and whoa, I realized that I had to shed some of this stuff and then maybe I did some therapy and that helped me shed some stuff.

What were some of the maybe key moments and or key modalities, books?

Diana Mendoza: Yeah. One of them is, I think it was before I met Andy, so my husband. When I was in, group therapy, I mean a support group for breast cancer survivors, and my counselor was, you know, coaching us on how to still feel feminine and sexy when you've had a double mastectomy.

Right. And I'll never forget. That time period because she really worked with us on how to feel still beautiful and feminine when we have removed a very feminine body part. And I will tell you, I think it was about a year later that I met Andy, and then two years I thought we got married and that was the starting point of feeling love for myself again.

You know, the little like self-love acts, , and then I would buy beautiful bras and just all of that. And then I did of course, EMDR shedding a lot of weight on EMDR . A lot of, you know, baggage with the feelings I felt through, my ex-husband and all of that stuff.

We, we let go of those things. Of course, breath work, EVOX has helped me with my imposter syndrome. And the fear. The fear of the disease coming back, but more importantly, what has really come through in the last two years through the EVOX . Cuz this is the only thing I'm really doing right now and a little bit of breath work, is that I am worthy of more.

Leigh Ann: Yeah. Just the fact alone, and this was a huge epiphany for me this year, is the simple fact alone that I have this desire and it's not a like, oh, I want that car desire. It's like, again, the soul yearning is the only word I can think to say it, but it's like the simple fact alone that I have this soul yearning to do something is all of the, all the validation, all of the justification, all of the permission I need to pursue this.

Diana Mendoza: One hundred percent. So what is yours? What have you left behind that you were gonna bring back?

Leigh Ann: Oh my gosh. My heart just like started racing so fast. So I think you know this, I don't know how much of the audience knows this. I played soccer. Not, not my whole life. I actually got into it very late.

I started playing when I was 10, but very quickly got on the best teams in the area, went to college on almost a full ride scholarship, and for anyone who doesn't know, actually, if you go back to the beginning of my EVOX series, you'll know that experience in that college team was actually very traumatic.

And so I left the team junior year and that was, the start of so many blocks and barriers and negative patterns that I went into, and I just, in my mind, I was like, soccer's over. I missed my chance. I didn't follow the path, which for so many is you play in college, maybe you get drafted now.

At the time I was in college, there wasn't a professional league or it was just getting started up again cuz it had folded, blah, blah, blah. All these facts. Anyway, I just like shut it out now. With that said, I did go abroad to Spain.

Diana Mendoza: I'm dying Right here. I'm like, I'm on edge cuz I don't know what's happening here.

Leigh Ann: I'm on edge. After I graduated, I did go abroad to Spain and played. I lived there for almost a year. I played a full season in Madrid in the second division of the professional Women's League over there. And I loved it, but it wasn't quite the same. Um, and I had my fifth concussion there. So I came back.

Same thing. I was like, it's done for me. I'm too old now. I have no chance. So all of that said, this year, and I'm gonna give people facts that no one cares about unless you're in the soccer world. But this year, the NWSL , which is the Women's Professional Soccer League here expanded , added two teams to the league.

Both of those teams are in Southern California, the San Diego way, which is in San Diego. And Angel City, which is in Los Angeles. So long, long story short, it's already long. I went to one of their games. I went to multiple games this year, but the first game I went to was between Angel City and San Diego.

Something happened in me, this was in July, Omi and I were driving back from the game in LA and I was just like, who says you can't get back into this. So you're 27. And so to make a very long story short, and we can get into some of the nuance of like how I actually got there.

I've been training since July and you guys, I didn't know this. I am going to make a real go of trying to play professional women's soccer. And I realize that sounds ridiculous.

Diana Mendoza: No,no it does not sound ridiculous. I am so freaking happy.

But you, you know what I wanna say to you before we, cause I wanna ask you, how's all, actually, we were in San Diego together over the summer and you made a comment about soccer and a coach and this and that and I was like, oh, it'd be so cool to see her play. This is in my head I'm thinking was we're walking the streets to San Diego and you know, we're having our pizza at is what I love about this conversation right now, where we're going is that you started training in July.

Okay, I didn't know this. We have been together quite a bit in the last few months and there is something really beautiful that you are doing something behind the scenes, okay? Quietly, you know, with your whatever goal you had, and you have allowed the time from July till now to really breathe into that dream.

And know that you can do this without having the hoopla. Meaning, oh, I'm gonna go after this and this and that, and then people are no, you've not allowed no one to come in and give you any piece of judgment that you can or cannot or whatever it is. And we're now sitting in December and you've been training for all these months.

A bravo to you because we wanna do a lot of things in life and sometimes we don't wanna do that. That first part of the work, you knew that first part. We're like, I have this dream and I need to do the initial work. It's kind of like with a podcast, I sat down with you and we went through this whole, we had a three hour meeting about it, and no one knows except you, and I knew about that day.

Same thing with your soccer. Okay. So you've been training. How does it feel?

Leigh Ann: It feels good. And what I wanna say really quickly is I love, you know, I love analogies, but if we're keeping with this analogy of the fire, it's like first of all, the beginning is so hard because oftentimes these old dreams or new things we're trying to birth, like we said, maybe we have new nudges, new parts of ourselves we wanna explore.

It's like we're starting a fire from scratch and anyone who's ever started a fire camping, whatever, we'll know. It takes a while. It takes a while to get that spark, to get that flame going, to get that fire burning strong. And so absolutely, in my mind, I knew those first couple months were a very fragile time for my little fire.

And so I really needed to protect it and. Do so many things to make sure that I didn't put my own fire out.

Diana Mendoza: Yeah. Cuz it's so important when you are starting that fire to protect that energy and it's okay. You don't have to make announcements to the whole world on social media that you are starting this new fire.

Because you have to go through certain phases in order for that fire to grow. I'm so proud of you. Lighting that fire up. Okay. I, but I need to know, I need to know more.

Leigh Ann: Okay, so I guess the, like we were talking about, what were the moments that led to this change? Certainly, I believe 110% that anyone who follows me knows

I've been doing EVOX every single week this year. And I record a lot of podcasts around it, and so I know 100% that the EVOX is what helped me clear. So many old wounds, release so much grief and shame, and then release so many limiting beliefs I had about soccer and a career that I could potentially have with it.

I wanna highlight here too, though, that quitting my college team, I did not realize how much shame I had from that. Anyone who's an athlete you, you can identify with, like it is your identity. And I went into a deep depression when I quit that team and it was so destabilizing for me. And so this year, which is crazy to say cuz it's 10 years later, I finally cleared that shame, the regret.

Cuz let me tell you, I would have recurring dreams about being back on that team. Like being led on. So it haunted me for sure. So 110%, because this happened in July, right? So I had been doing six months of EVOX every week leading up to this on a variety of different topics, but it had cleared, so many of the blocks that were keeping me from pursuing this.

But the whole ride home from that game, it's in LA we are in Orange County. It was like an hour and a half. It was just silent in the car. Cuz I was just thinking and thinking and thinking in my head and I was like, okay, Leigh Ann, you told yourself you've had too many concussions, you can't do this. Okay, well people come back from injuries all the time.

You've told, the lies you've told yourself, or the stories you've told yourself is you're 27 now. Like, you're just too old. No one's gonna want a 27 year old playing. And then I just slowly started to dismantle all of these things and go again. You can come back from injury. You have such a healthy lifestyle.

You have access to so many modalities and resources for your brain health, all your health. And by the way, women are playing in the professionally now, 35, 37, 38. And so I finally got to this point where I was like, You know what? I actually believe that I could do this. This is a possible thing for me to do.

So the question is now do I actually want to do this? Now that it's here. Cuz I had never let myself get there before. I had always just shut it down. Like, no, this isn't possible. And so now that I let myself get there, I was like, do I actually wanna do this? Do I want to wake up at 6:00 AM every morning and go train every single day?

Do I want to do the ice bath every day and have to stretch and push myself really hard and do fitness tests and be in the highs and lows of sports? And I'm telling you, I, this is why I was just dead silent the whole ride home cuz I was mulling this over and mulling this over. And by the time I got home I was like, not only do I believe I can do this now I want to do this and I want to go full force and that like started this whole chain reaction of the next day.

I like went out and got some new gear cuz like, I hadn't even bought athletic wear in 10 years, you know what I mean? Not that I wasn't doing exercise.

Diana Mendoza: Yeah, like your cleats.

Leigh Ann: Soccer stuff, you know? And this, here's like the real, the real meat and potatoes of it is, it kind of comes back to what we were saying before where it's like the fact that I have that soul yearning and I've had that soul yearning since I was a little girl, talking about little kid dreams.

Soccer was my life. At 10 years old. I wanted to be on the national team. I wanted to go to the Olympics. And that fire got fizzled out because of different experiences. And so for sure the last 10 years it's absolutely felt like a part of me died and there's just been that grief that you talked about.

And so, and then of course all those things come in of what are people gonna say? This is ridiculous. How do I even fucking get back in on the soccer radar? Like, cuz there's, it's still like very much growing. It's so much better than what it used to be, but it's still growing women's soccer in the US.

But what I got down to was, ever since leaving soccer, what if, what if has been going in my mind again and again and again, and I finally just was like, I never wanna ask what if again. In relation to this dream, because what if it all works out? What if it all works out? But also, and this was like the real piece of it all is I have nothing to lose anymore.

I have nothing to lose anymore. . So what if I give 110% and never end up playing professional women's soccer. Well, you know what? At least I will know for sure that it wasn't in the cards for me, rather than I'm 27 for the next 56 years of my life being haunted by that question of what if?

Diana Mendoza: That's it . And what we talked about before is the process, right? The process of doing. And actualizing some of these goals and dreams. It's the process at the end. It's about that journey, that process, and you training, getting the new cleats. Listen, you know, my dad is 69 years old and he still plays soccer.

He just came back from Ecuador. He watched the three games that Ecuador played in the World Cup, and it was a life dream of his to go back to his country and watch soccer, the World Cup, his team. And he did it and he fulfilled it and he still plays. That man is still in a league. And I just have to say that we cannot leave anything unturned.

And even if, like you just said, you don't listen. You don't know anything at this point. You're gonna go out, you're gonna train, you're gonna fricking make the team anyways. You're gonna do it. And 27 years old you guys, I'm 44 years old, and so I feel like Leigh Ann is just in her prime.

She's in her prime. You know, I tell Alexandra the same thing. At 22 years old, she's always known she wanted to be an actress, and so she's one of the few people who knew at three years old that she wanted to be an actress. And I always say, when you pick a career like that and including, um, you know, being an athlete, Mia as an athlete swimmer, you don't want to not give it your all.

You do not wanna be 65, 70 years old and said, why didn't I just fucking try a little more?

Leigh Ann: Yeah. And I've been haunted with that question for 10 years now. And it's been horrible. Like I said, every time I would watch soccer I would cry because it was just like, ugh.

Diana Mendoza: It hurts your heart. It hurts your heart.

So how does 17 year old Leigh Ann feel that you just said this out loud cuz she's the girl who left the other team for different reasons. How are you feeling about this? This is a big decision and we just made it public.

Leigh Ann: First of all, I honestly, there's just an enormous sense of, I feel so proud of myself because like I said, there were so many layers of, of that metal , of those sheets that were just holding me back, and I get so excited about it because it's like the things we can do, the things we can pursue, if we could just heal up some of these old wounds, if we could just let go of the shame, let go of the fear. But it's not as simple as just being like, okay, let go of the fear, it's done. There is deep work that needs to go into it, and I think that younger version of me feels an overwhelming sense of gratitude.

That 27 year old me was willing to do that hard work week, go week after week after week. So that she could pursue her dream. So that it could be right now, in this moment.

Diana Mendoza: A hundred percent. A hundred percent. So what's the next step?

Leigh Ann: Well, this is, this is like the cheesy part of it, and again, no one's really gonna care about this, but the odds that any one of those teams, the Wave or the Angel City will have open tryouts is slim to none. Most of these professional teams aren't doing that anymore, just cuz there's, there's such a wide pool now for them to pull from. You've got college drafts. So I think realistically the only way I'm gonna get in and get noticed is if I start playing in the semi-pro leagues again.

So December 19th. I will be trying out for a local semi-pro team. And like that really is the next start. And I've also been training with a professional coach here who actually trains girls on both of those teams already. So I've been training with him for a few weeks now. There's another trainer that I'm gonna start working with as well.

So it's continuing the training, continuing to up fitness. I did my first fitness test last week for the first time in 10 years. Woo. Fitness test. We're just getting started, but it's like the growth, the improvement. So it's, it's those things. But I do think the next step is, and this is why I wanted to share it, because something I have noticed, a pattern of mine is when I literally verbally speak things out into the universe.

Pieces come together. And it does, it, always starts within, it always starts with that internal work and then doing the stuff quietly behind the scenes. But when I am able to get to that point where I can put something out there publicly in the universe, like sends me the pieces I need.

So I knew intuitively like this was the next step for me. Even though it's scary and it's like, oh, I feel like I'm letting my flame be really vulnerable. Who's gonna come in and try and put this flame out and there will be possibly someone you don't know and are gonna roll their eyes.

But I also feel like, because I'm not doing this for recognition, yeah.

I'm not doing this to whatever, win a golden boot in a tournament or something. I'm literally doing this and I have to say, it's such a good feeling because. Before when you played soccer, your whole world revolves around this. If you have a bad game, if you have a bad practice, your day, your week is ruined.

If you're not starting. Your whole identity is on the line. And I cannot tell you how much anxiety, depression, self-doubt I had through all of my years playing sports. Primarily, I should say primarily in college actually, cuz that's when I started running into a lot of things. But I feel so excited now because I'm coming back to this sport from such a different place where now it's like if I played one year of professional soccer, I would be so fucking happy if I could, even if I had to retire at 33, if I got four years of professional soccer.

What a dream. Yeah, what a dream. If I had four years of being on San Diego Wave FC or Angel City FC and I was a bench player the whole time, thank you fucking universe for that bench for giving me, yes. I will happily sit there and cheer my team. You know what I mean? So it's, so different now and I think obviously because the work I do and my business, that emotional wellbeing is such a key component of it, it's, and I've done so much work around that and I have so much more to live for. The Accrescent is gonna keep going on. I will keep seeing clients, although it might move to like remote only, but all of that is gonna continue. So it's not, but it's funny cuz it just feels like it all comes together now and it's all making sense.

Diana Mendoza: Well, we talked about being this multifaceted human being because we really are multifaceted souls. We really are, we are not meant to be put in a box, and you can be a professional soccer player and do EVOX sessions at the same time. You can. You can have whatever you want, however you want, and, My next question to you is what position do you play? I don't even know.

Leigh Ann: Center Defender.

Diana Mendoza: Oh my Gosh. Center Defender. I am so happy for you. This is going to be a game changer for you on such an emotional level. And now some of the things, now I'm starting to put some pieces together about things that you know, your life this past six months that have really at all makes sense. Oh my gosh.

She's going for it. She's been doing a lot of healing so she can go for it.

Leigh Ann: Yes. And as you know, there was like, there were all the little things that were shed this year, but there was like a big, big core thing that was shed.

Diana Mendoza: But it's those emotional traumas of your life, of your past and healing. Those have unpeeled that confidence and that will to say, you know what?

I'm gonna do this. I'm gonna go out and I'm gonna try to make it on the professional soccer team. I'm gonna go out and do it. I'm gonna train. I'm gonna do all the hard work. I'm gonna do it. But you're right. You probably couldn't have come to that conclusion unless you had healed so many years of certain things in your life, you, you just can't.

You just can't. And you know, I tell people all the time, at 44 years old, I feel better than ever, even though I've had whatever, all this shit happen to me. But I feel emotionally better than ever. And there's something to say about all of the therapy and all of the healing that I have done to get to feel the way I feel right now.

Leigh Ann: It's wild. Well, and it's work, it is work and sometimes it's heavy, sometimes it's draining and for a variety of reasons, a lot of people don't wanna do that work. And I do understand, cuz I wanna be clear here, like sometimes there's just so much fear. We're in such a stress state, we're in such a place of fight, flight, freeze, fawn that we do not have the tools, we don't have the environment, the resources to do that work. And I empathize so much with that and this is why I'm trying to make EVOX more and more and more accessible because look at what it's done to my life. Look at the crazy dream I am trying to pursue, and I just cannot help but think about all the other people that I work with or that I could be working with through EVOX .

What dreams could they be pursuing and how can I help them? How can I help them shed those layers and start to pursue those dreams? Because that cloud of grief that hangs over you when you're not is cleared and replaced with this resonance of joy and fulfillment and motivation and vibrancy. Again, it's so crazy and literally, you're gonna laugh so hard at this.

The first day I went out to train, I couldn't even run five minutes, okay?

I couldn't even run five minutes. I was so fatigued. My heart, my muscles, everything. But that day I had more energy than I've had in five years. I was bouncing off the walls. And this is really key for me because you, as you know and we've talked about before, I tend to go and like freeze fawn where I just shut down.

And I get really lethargic and depressive. And so that's like a very low energy place. And so to see that not only did I just do something extremely physically fatiguing, I actually have more energy than ever and more, more motivation. I'm getting everything done. I'm super on top of everything. And, it just shows me like all the years of lethargy and yeah, lowness, it's emotional. It's all emotional.

Leigh Ann: Yeah. So what we're gonna do for our next episode that we record is, we'll, in the link of this, in the show notes of this, there will be a link that you guys can submit your responses and or your questions to this. Because in the next episode, we're gonna be reading through your responses, reading through your questions, maybe answering some of them in relation to this.

So yeah, like Diana said, what are the pieces of yourself that you feel like you've left to gather dust. It could be old childhood dreams that you still feel that grief over. It could just be something as simple as, you know what? Painting used to light me up so much and I, how can I bring that back into my life this year?

So it doesn't have to be these anything crazy? No, just little simple things. What are the pieces of ourselves that are still there? That we need to start letting the light shine through again, or that we need to pull off those metal armor that's been blocking it all these years. And do you have questions around it?

What are, what do you feel like is holding you back? We'd love to puzzle it out with you. So let us know some of those pieces of yourself and any questions you might have about our journeys, about what is holding you back, what could help push you forward a little bit more.

Diana Mendoza: Let's reverse engineer some of your dreams in the next episode. I mean, it's, and, you know, some of these goals and dreams and these yearnings don't have to be big. Getting back into cooking. Like I'm asking for cookbooks as my wishlist for Christmas because I kind of wanna get back. I love cooking, but I, in the last few years I've looked at it as such a chore.

But there's a beauty in making fresh food. And then feeding your family. There is something so beautiful about it, your nourishment that you can get. So even little as, how do I find the time in the new year to nourish those yearnings, whether it's taking more walks on the beach, if you're close to one, it's hiking, it's reading more books, you know, taking that painting class.

All of those little things that really help us. Honored to live our best life day to day.

Leigh Ann: It's so funny, I just have to say this because this came up recently. As you know, I'm in, I'm also in the middle of a naturopathic doctor program. And so we had to do case studies recently where I was analyzing someone's face.

We were doing face readings. Oh, love that. And there are lines under the eyes that represent grief, grief lines. And then there's also lines, it's called the Lost Love Lines . And the person whose face I was analyzing had these lost love lines. And by the way, I have them too. And the question we ask when we see these lost love lines is exactly what we're asking today.

What part of ourselves, what pieces of ourselves do we feel like hasn't been allowed to come through recently, and how can we bring that back? And I wanna say here too, this is what we'll get to brainstorm together when you guys submit things, is. Maybe, let's say, we'll use the soccer example. Maybe part of the soccer was that competitiveness.

So let's say I wasn't in a position to bring soccer back into my life. The question I'd be asking is, well, how can I let that competitive part of me come through again? Is there some new thing I can go into? You know, for someone. So those are the questions is. What pieces of ourselves have been yearning to come through again, that we can start to shine that light on.

Diana Mendoza: We had a lot of dreams as we were children and we loved a lot of different things when we were children. And then society squashes some of these things, unfortunately. Or, you know, life just squashes it. So, maybe you did something when you were younger that here's something else and I'll put out there.

I was a dancer for a long time. And I am dying to go back to ballet class and I could do it. I, there's ballet classes now for adult, and you know, I might just go out and do a few classes this year, not because I wanna go be the ballerina. At 44 years old. What I wanna do is, Feel putting on the ballet shoes again, putting on the leotard.

What does it feel like to just be in a room also with other adults and you know, doing the turns and it's about that feeling that you wanna bring back from your childhood or from your younger self, maybe in your twenties. Cuz you're older now in your twenties that you love doing something.

Leigh Ann: Yes. So click the link in the show notes, submit your questions, submit your responses, and in our next conversation together, we're gonna be going through all of these responses and brainstorming it together, reverse engineering, answering your questions.

We cannot wait. And that episode is gonna be releasing right before the new year. So it's just gonna be so, so, so exciting. It's like the vision in my head is like me and you. We've nurtured each other's fires. And we help get each other's fires started. And I think both of us really wanna help do that for you, the audience as well.

What fire has been put out that we can help start to get those sparks going again.

Diana Mendoza: Yeah. We're gonna relight this fire.

Leigh Ann: Yes. Let's do it. Okay. Love you guys. We cannot wait for this.