Shownotes
In this episode we talked about creating an Artisanal Relationship. That is a relationship that is perfectly designed for you and your partner.
Transcript
Welcome to The Thing Free Rebellion. The podcast for independent thinkers to rebel against ignorance, manipulation, dogma, doctrine and the fears and temptations that stop us being ourselves and living our best lives. Good to make relationships, simple dotcom to join us at an event or find more information. Tonight, we're talking about autism relationships and priorities, know what I mean is that most people do things by default, so most people basically go along with a condition that go along with what everyone else tells them, like from the media and so on.
So. We've become in commodities world where everything can be manufactured and comes off cheaply and most efficiently and most effectively, there's become a great market for artisanal products, for things that are down the traditional way hand with great skill, with great care. And of better quality, so. I look at a lot of people, the relationships in by kind of like the rights of our culture, and it's it's that they it's like a diamond engagement ring. It's with a big, expensive wedding.
It's with the big house or the big car and luxury holidays as as if they're the things that are going to make you happy. And by contrast, I think an artisanal relationship is where you get to skilled, like relationally skilled individuals who build the relationship. That's right for them that they can both thrive in. And so it's it's custom built and it's built with skill. It's distinctive and it's disregards the traditions or the customs that doesn't serve. So you were talking in breakout rooms about five qualities and I went into his room, really just see how or where you were four times and I went to bring you back and it looked like you were agreeing five between each of the group.
Is that. Is that OK? Right, Stewie, can we have a spokesperson for each? Yeah, I don't mind being a spokesperson for my group. Sarah. If I say, OK, great, OK, I think you've got the the go ahead. So what about Sandra? Who was it? It was, yes, Fernando and Sandra. Really small group. Sandra, would you like to be there? I think she's looking for the mute button.
Yeah, that's all right.
And we have a problem, Alan, the eating group. That's right. The the most social group. OK, are you happy with that, Alan?
Yeah, I will go. All right.
So let's have Sandra arole and Sarah. OK, so we'll have a discussion of the five qualities. So if you each argue your case. And let's see how different they are and what we come up with. So should we go with case? Should we go? Ladies first. We start with Sarah, Sandra and in our bringing up the rear. OK, we thought I'm going to take one of the top qualities from each person because we didn't come up with for you a group, we have five each.
We got 15. But I'm going to take one from each of us is fair but playful enough so I can just put you Sarah.
OK, so Nicole and Janosz were in your group one night, so you can private message, Sarah, if you want if you want to change or whatever, as she's explaining. Sorry. Go on, Sandra.
Now, Sarah. Sarah. Sorry, silly asses.
Yes. No worries. So playfulness, we thought, was a really major key ingredient in the relationship. Obviously this the time to be serious reason things, but also that needs to be some levity and a way to diffuse any conflict and not to make fun, but to keep it. Levity, I think is crucial. I so would that also be classed as far Manuma? But, you know, playfulness might be something more reciprocity, like humor can come from one person but might not be shared.
But to be playful, I think we were assuming there was some reciprocity in, you know, OK.
Should I go on to the next keep kind of something that would have been not even something that I would have considered years ago, but now I'm getting it all the this is so for you to say compassion and Collimore. And we also mentioned all these things like acceptance, support, all come under the umbrella of kind of unconditional love. That was a really big one that came out of great, unconditional love, that what that means is when someone is really feeling depressed or down and not to criticize this kind of compassion, it just is such a long way to relationship.
OK, we're going to limit you two to five, though. Yeah.
So I think I've said so.
I've just crossed the last one of them, which won the unconditional love or no compassion, compassion, just cross compassion if we don't need compassion for every animal. OK, ok.
Thank you. We'll be back. We'll be back to you. OK Sandra.
OK, I'm going to leave out the ones that Sarah has already made and now you got to pick five.
Right? So I'm going to give those two undercity. So we're going to refine to five from everyone. Yeah.
OK, Fernando, give some very interesting insights, which I think I will use as the first three.
He talked about personal development as being important to somebody who is evolving, but not only evolving in of themselves, but enabling you to also grow by encouraging you and. Participating in your evolution as well, which I thought was quite, quite nice. And from that, he also brought up in this. Evolution, bringing about increasing compatibility as a couple within the within the couple. Yeah, we are growing more together rather than growing apart. So I suppose in that sense, your evolution is in parallel, in a way, if you look at it, it's congruent and then, of course, looking at.
Beauty and beauty in the person, and that embodies not just not the physical, not just the physical, but the spirit, a sense of self and what they add to the relationship, which would embody the whole thing about humor and all of those things. Right. Right.
But, Fernando, so physical and emotional and spiritual and spiritual. Yes. Yes.
And kindness and all of those other attributes. And then for me, I thought of confidence.
And having the confidence to nurture your own individual growth, but no, it is Fernando, in a sense, having that confidence to not.
Restrict your partner's journey, your partner's evolution, so confidence and then social conscience is the other one which speaks to things like love of nature, treating people with respect.
I think that is that five. Yes, those five. OK. All right. OK. It's interesting because when you look at your list, there's going to be a very different person from Sarah as groups list. Okay. Thank you, Errol.
OK, so we thought loyalty was one of the key attributes that I don't think we went blind loyalty, but loyalty in the sense that the person is committed to the relationship rather than always being somewhere else. Maybe the other one we had was trustworthiness, under which we kind of saw things like integrity, honest old being part of the overall general approach as well. The other one we had was supportive. So the person is there for you when you need them.
We and also loving, caring potentially about kindness, as I think Sara was talking about earlier on. Well, being in the sort of supportive that that person is there for you, that will help you hopefully.
Um, he almost certainly came into it, but didn't quite label it playfulness. But I mean, being from person to be around with rather than just looking off until the time kind of depressing. And the other one we had was communication, somebody who was communicative, who will maybe express their feelings or express their thoughts. I mean, I don't think we meant verbal diarrhea, by the way, like me, but something a bit more, a bit more, sort of somebody that gets their point across so that, you know, you can understand them.
You can kind of understand how they're feeling and how they are thinking. Then I'll ask you to spot any issues or positives or whatever so you can kind of feel more bonding in that sense. That's kind of our five, I think three. Well, you got you got you got five I'm now thinking of.
OK, right, so we're going to go back into the breakout rooms, but I believe there is it should be it depends on the variables that you've got, but you should be able to move between the rooms. OK, we'll get it, we'll go back into the breakout rooms, so I'm putting down the.
Qualities of each group. So each person who read out the groups knows what their qualities were. Yep, yep. OK, so what we do is we'll go into the breakout rooms and now everyone of Iroh, Sandra and Sarah can move between the groups. And what you're going to do is listen to each person's pitch and choose the partner that you would you would pick if you had to pick one of those partners who embodied all of those things. So that makes you realize this was going to be a dating game?
I no, I would have preferred that.
I recognize that's the ultimate stitch me up here.
OK, so we said we're going to go back to the main groups, but then you should be able to listen to farmwork. How? Like a picture of what someone would look like. You've had all those qualities and then you listen to each of them.
And so we're trying to convince them that the person that we have kind of created is the best person to be with. This is like blind date and you are person number three and everyone else is going to listen instead of going instead of being a just on. Well, the answer is yes, it is pitch and what that person would be like. So so is the only arrow. Sarah and Sandra and everyone else can ask questions, pick holes, and you've got to decide which one you're going to stick with for life.
OK, well, I'll be jumping in and out of the breakout rooms.
So when when we do that, we go into like one room each and how are we going to make it in the room? Are you going to tell you can you go back in the same breakout rooms? And it should when you were in that breakout room, you should be absolutely cutting breakout rooms or it should have an option of joining the different rooms and said any conflict between them.
So try it. Where do you find that? I'll come into the groups and I'll show you. You're going to contestants want to move. No, no, you ask questions and then when you think, OK, so does everyone know, OK, I've got to finish the qualities of my schema communication.
Wouldn't it be better if people started in different rooms because I a up and I discussed this five interests is looked like by the right person, but it may be that they need to kind of hear the other file first. Then what? Like some sort said.
Yes, but we're going to start off in your room. But my expectation is that everyone's going to move the room straight off because of that reason and see if I can get a better option.
The popcorn doesn't count. You can't bribe everyone to get the roast from the end. Yeah, I do have some roast chicken roast potatoes. No.
Yeah, sorry, you can't jump to that because. Sorry about. I was I was going to leave the apple crumble for later, actually, because I also I baked as well apple crumpling cream.
Actually I like it with ice cream but my book that's not playing fair I love is not fair.
All right.
So who's fair in love war. OK, so I've got to make a pitch to convince somebody that I have the right set of.
Yeah, they might ask you questions. Hi, Betty. Did you catch up with what we did, you get a hello, did you get a grasp of what we doing?
H.S and qualities of your ideal partner?
Yeah. So these are the kinds of groups that speak five qualities that if you were stuck and you can't commit to this person, you've got to stay with them for life and there's no get out. So I'm going to join you to a group where you can move between them to whoever you think has the best options. Right. So we should listen to the fact that they've chosen the and you want me to say which ones I think are the best?
Yeah, you got to pick the person who embodies one of those. The person. Yes.
So you imagine that he's a person that embodies all those characteristics, you see. I pick one of them. OK. All right. I'll see you in the room at. I...