We know, it’s HARD to be present and sit in the moment when you have a million things on your plate. And we all have a million things now. When the world tells us that who we are right now isn't enough, it's tempting to try to live in a fantasy version future when you'll have a better job, more time, more money, a cleaner house, better listening kids- but if we take a moment, we know that there's way more joy in the current moment than we're currently tapping into (and that the future doesn't hold that fantasy either- just even more hoops to jump through and kids that still don't listen. )

Join us for a conversation about why it's so hard to be present, why our brains fight it, and how we can practice sitting with ourselves (even in the Target aisle when we're having a meltdown picking out new bedding).

Topics this week include:

• Cheesecake Factory life goals
• Trashy neighborhood gossip
• Productivity culture
• Why we hate the term "self care"
• Why tf do kids like tape so much?
• Being alone with our your own thoughts (it won't kill you!)
• How we lost our minds during the pandemic
• Who profits off our our dissatisfaction with ourselves?
• Grounding techniques you can use TODAY
• Are little kids actually great at meditating and we lost it somewhere along the way?
• Incorporating the 5 Principles of Reiki into your day
• Clubbing in your 40s (and wearing business casual to the clurb)
• Finding the great genitalia in the sky

This weeks challenge: give yourself ways to find moments of joy in being present. Tell us how you found it!

Reading List:

• Foundations of Reiki Ryoho by Nicholas Pearson

Relevant Links:

• Lindsay Mack: Tarot for the Wild Soul
• BehatiLife
• TIPPs Skills

Find Us:

• Crystal
• Vienna
• Healing Happy Hour

Music by FASSounds on Pixabay. Emotional Support provided by The Cheesecake Factory (but on our own dime, for now.)

Welcome to the Healing Happy Hour with Crystal and Vienna, two deeply unserious people exploring serious topics while cackling and sometimes crying. 


Together we're learning to push back against the trauma of being a human in the world today through ancient wisdom and practices, modern therapeutic techniques, and anything else that moves the needle towards healing. 


If you're also sick of tripping over your own bullshit, Join us while we create a sanctuary for everyone who is ready to activate the magic in their life. 


Look like fucking Bob Barker over here rest in peace. 


I like him. All right. Are we ready? Hi baby. We're ready. 


We're so ready. 


I can't believe that. I can't believe that we made our first episode, let alone actually got our schedule together to make the second. 


I mean, two people with ADHD, five kids between us, all sorts of commitments. The fact that like, the fact that we even did one is like, 


A big deal. Thank you. 


And everybody was like, you have a podcast. I was like, okay, so hear me out. What happens with Vienna and I is that we're like, you know what we should do? And then like, we get to work. And I was like, the key is that we will have to continue to show up each time, which I think, well, I think, I think that this is like the first really, the first of like many things we'll get off the ground. 


So like, we're good. I just think it's really fun because I basically get to be like, Oh, excuse me, everybody. I'm going to go abandon my family because I have work to do. And that work is talking to my friend. And I 


Really Not now, Jimmy. I'm recording. I'm recording. Can you please keep the kids quiet? Because that's what I would do all day. 


I am really busy. I am such a hotshot. But yeah. 


Producing your podcast. 


I'm sorry, we have things to do. Okay, we're a business. 


Well, the people have been asking and they want us.

So, I mean... 
 The people have spoken. 


They've probably been like, we want you to shut up! Like... 
The people have 
spoken.

Yeah, people have spoken and we, we had some people listen to our podcast this week. 


We did. And, and the feedback has been really cool. One of my homies who I hope that we will be able to talk to at some point in time over the next few weeks, um, was like, Oh my God, thank you for keeping me company while I run my errands. 


And yeah, it's been really wonderful. And I think People are also just really excited that we have a podcast. Like I'm pretty sure if we were like, Hey, Vienna and I are going to talk like rank the sides from fast food chain restaurants. for 10 minutes. I feel like people would still tune in just because 


I'm very down. 
I've been saying this for like probably at least 10 years that, um, my goal every year, like every year, like, you know, New Year's people, I set a resolution or a goal. I've been setting the same goal every year and I've yet to accomplish it. But I want to over the course of a year, eat everything from the cheesecake factory menu, which like is, it's going to take some dedicated Like, yeah, that's a novel. 
 Um, but I really want to do it. 


Cheesecake menu itself is like pretty robust. 


It is a robust menu. That would be a lot of cheesecake, but I feel like if there is one girl for the job, like it's, it's me, like, I think I could really do it and I would be very down to do like a spinoff podcast where we just. 
Eat everything at the factory. Oh my God, please. And like, you have to come up with a system for it too, right? So are you going to be like, I want to work my way alphabetically. I'm just going to go from front to back. Like I'm going to start with just appetizers. And then are you going to have like three appetizers? 


See? So like, I'm not fucking around with this. I would take it very seriously. And I'm very happy to put together a work plan, a workflow, a task list for that. Because. That is where my passion and my skill set interact.

It shines. And also, like, they should pay you. I don't remember what restaurant group owns that chain, but they should pay you. 


That's true. Okay, so what we need, here's, here's the real plan here, is We need to get Cheesecake Factory to sponsor this podcast and then we could spin off another one so they could comp me all that food because that's going to be a pricey endeavor too. 


That's true. I think that all the suburban moms could really reconnect. 
With the Cheesecake Factory. 


I think it's gonna be, it's gonna be the thing that brings us together. Um, I think, maybe it's what the country needs now, actually. We're so divided, and everything feels awful. But maybe what we do need is like, some, everybody to cheer on. Just two girls trying to eat their way through the Cheesecake Factory menu. 


And also like, was the Cheesecake Factory not like, it was the shit? When you were in high school, like my mom's going to drop us off at like seven and then like you, me, and da da da da, we're going to eat and then we're going to go to the movies. Like that, that was like a jam for us. 


Like a grown ass woman kind of night. You gather and who's getting like their little chicken lettuce wraps. You know what, I was just gonna say, like, I would do anything to capture that high again of being a teenager going to the Cheesecake Factory, but I'm not even gonna lie, I still feel the same way as a grown ass woman going to the Cheesecake Factory. 


No lie. Monica, who just left here two seconds ago, shout out to my girl, happy birthday, Mons. Um, we definitely door dashed some recently. And we were like, we just the cheesecake. And we were like, Oh, hell yeah. Like when we got it and we were a little pissed because like the slices are significantly smaller.

And when you're a chunk a chunk like me, you notice things like that. So I was like, um, excuse me, but it was still hitting. And we were like, dang, we haven't had that in a minute. And what nostalgia? I think you're onto something with this. 


Do you want to, should we, should we start by pulling a card? 


Yes. 
Let's tap in a little bit because those retrogrades are doing their thing. And just hopefully speak a little bit of peace over everyone. If you are feeling like, like you've been scraped off a boot or a cute little, like summer sandal, then I hope that you find a little bit more ease in these next upcoming weeks. 


Oh, okay. This is. What do you need to release? The waning moon. The waning moon points to what falls away. Life goes in cycles and sometimes we need downtime or to let go. No matter when in the moon cycle you pull this card, it is a sign that a situation has peaked for better or worse. And it's time for you to go easier. 


It's the autumn and winter of the cycle, so what do you need to release? Almost certainly something from the situation you're asking about. This card can be very positive, but can still be gently suggesting that you let go. You let something go and stop trying so hard. So, in order to attune to the moon, it's asking that you remind yourself that it's safe to let go and to move on. 


And it also says that, um, you can move forward with as little resistance as possible. It's not a time to start new projects. release emotional baggage, um, say, say you're sorry to someone or apologize, do energetic work such as meditation or yoga, and soon you'll see what lies ahead. And it says the next time there is a waning moon cycle, take a moment to look up at the sky every night and you'll see the moon growing smaller and smaller. 


As she does move from the full moon to the new moon again. It's the time when things are falling away. It's certainly not the time to cling to anyone or anything. Drawing this card suggests that your situation is in autumn and winter. So hunker down and start the regeneration process. 


I feel like that's so timely. 


Like literally like sit your ass down. 


Yeah, like this time of year too. I mean, I, I think that also is really going to tie to what we're talking about today of just being present and connecting with yourself and the challenges of being present. I think a lot of that is probably in realizing, you know, what it is time to let go of the things we notice that come out of it once we actually are present. 


So. But we'll get into that. I'm sure it always knows what we need. I tell you just to check in with you. Where did you find healing this week? 


So if, if you do follow me on Instagram, you know, I had like a moment in the recent weeks where I just felt like super stressed again because of that tension. And I think that my way of kind of trying to work through some of that this week was, was similar to what the card is measuring. 


Take a beat, slow down a little bit. And I just, I went to bed really early, early, pretty much. All nights this week, with the exception of the weekend, I like put myself to bed like a baby and I tried to make a lot of intention around keeping my space really neat and trying to, um, just like maintain some physical peace. 


So like, but in little steps, because I feel like I've been really off. That's kind of what's been stressing me out. So I think like my healing really came in the form of being like, okay, well, what are the things, like the little things that, you know, you need to do to kind of hold it together? Like, don't worry about the big stuff yet. 


But like, look at your to do list. Look at your budget. I did my budget after like a long time. I looked at it. It wasn't that bad. Um, so like little, little starts. It was like a week of little starts. Like, Hey, you should start going back a little bit earlier. You should start moving your body a little bit more. 


Maybe you should start to like, look at some of your outstanding tasks and just see where you're at with things so that you can schedule things out. So rather than jumping back in, like waiting back in. And I felt like that was much more healing for me. To confront things that way as opposed to like, I'm going to take care of everything in the next 48 hours and like be burned out, you know, like a gradual, you know, dive back into things. 


Yeah. And I mean, that's so much more sustainable too, right? I mean, the thing where you're like, I'm going to do. everything this week. And when it's things like making yourself meals and working out and doing laundry and keeping your house clean, the problem with those things is you have to keep doing them. 


So like, even if you do them really, really good one week, you have to do them again the next week. So yeah, it's so easy to burn out on those things. Yeah. 


And it helps adjust our expectations too. And like, just have more realistic expectations of ourself. And whenever I think of Like, why I feel like I have to get everything done in like a 48 hour period is because I've probably ignored it for however long and, um, I don't know how that's going to change. 


Like, I'm working on it. Okay? Like, I, I feel like it's much easier for me to look at hard things now, but it doesn't mean that I always have the energy to have like solutions for all of them. So like taking off it. [00:11:00] Um, what I have the capacity to digest and, and in tackling it that way, as opposed to being like, look at all the things I have to do in totality. 


Now go like, that's not effective for me. This seems much more manageable, I think. So just trying, just testing that out has been really kind of healing. 


I like that. That's so good. I'm glad that you're feeling good about it and that you were able to feel some positivity that came out of that productivity. 


I don't like to praise productivity generally because it's like down with capitalism bullshit, but um, it is, it is nice when you're able to at least put that into practice in your own life and your own home and you're not doing it for the sake of somebody else. We're able to find. 


If we have to do it. It's a better way to do it. 


Yeah. What about you, my friend? Is there anything that like, you were like, oof, good shit. This is amazing

Yeah, well, you know, my baby had his sixth birthday yesterday. Um, I don't know where those six years went. Um, but just being able to like, really intentionally verbalize. Celebrations of him and like making him hear it, which he's, you know, he's another little Virgo like me, but he's already like, okay, can you stop? 


I don't want to hear it, but I made everybody around the table and say like their favorite thing about him. And I just want him to be comfortable hearing. Those things, and like, allowing them to go into his psyche, and, you know, as much as I adore my kids, the people in my life, it's hard for me to like, really take a moment to say like, I want to give you verbal praise right here, I want to celebrate you, and, and say it out loud, like I'm sure I do it in my own way, in silence, but I've been trying to be more intentional about it.

Thank you. Telling people the nice things you think about them and like, don't let a nice thought go unsaid. I've really tried to embrace that lately. Let's sit down and tell Nate everything we love about him and why he's so wonderful. Yeah, definitely. 


He is a little cherub. First of all, all your little kids look like they're out of like a freaking Botticelli painting, but, um, they're super, super adorable and they have this perfect face. 


It's like very much like half Jimmy, half you just. Cute as a button. Um, I love them, but it's, I, I like how, what has been healing for you is to do something really beautiful for him because I feel like that's also you like doing it for your little self too in a way, you know, and just being like, I want to just tell you how much I love you. 


Like it's, it's the sweetness. And even though he's like, mom, stop, like, I know in many years, you know, that will really stick out to him. And he will really like, think about that, you know, like deep down, like, what are the things you keep in your bag to say to yourself when you feel like away? And he might be like, Oh, I remember this one birthday when everybody said these amazing things about me.

And it might like lift him, you know, lift his spirits up.


I hope so. I hope that like the kid toolbox at least there anything else we want to bring up before diving into this week's topic. 


I do want to know why our inbox is dry. I want to know where is the tea. That we asked y'all to send in here.

That is a really good point. 


I don't want to hear any excuses after this episode. Because let me tell you what, it's Labor Day weekend. And I know at least, 51 of y'all had a barbecue. Where is the barbecue beef? Where is the family reunion beef? Where is the um, baby shower tea? Where is that stuff? Where's the friend vacation drama? 


I, I, I'm really in the mood for a friend vacation blow up. 
Like I, that's the one, it doesn't even have to be recent. If you have one in your past too, let you know. I would, I would take old. That's 
fine.

So anyway, send it in together because I love it with that. 


Should we dive into our topic for the week? 


Yes, we are going to -drum roll, please- talk about being present. 


Yeah. Yeah. It's such a challenge. I am really personally very bad at this. It is one of the hardest things for me. I think, um, I'm. An anxious girly, you know, and anxiety is really so much about living in the future and all the potential things that could go wrong between here and there. Um, so it's, it's a really big challenge for me to step back and like plant myself back in my body and the current scene and acknowledge everything about it. 


I, I think it's, it's hard and it's, Makes me sweat. Um, and I think, you know, it's really hard to actually do that when you have a million things on your plate, like when you're dealing with work and your kids in school and maybe you're trying to take a class or professional development or move your body or do your dishes. 


It is so hard to just be in the moment, especially when those lines get blurrier right like Moms or parents are a lot more time working from home, right. And if their kids, you know, I mean, maybe this was more of an issue a couple of years ago when we were doing hybrid schooling, but you know, kids are in and out and yes, that doesn't, they don't stop. 


It doesn't stop just because you're like, well, now I have to work on this thing for this project or work with my boss really needs it. And those lines get blurry, especially when you're like, Now I'm off the clock, but I still have to finish this and my computer is right here. So I might as well just, you know, type up this email. 


Everything gets blurry. Yeah. It gets very blurry, and I think it's easy, um, to, to what you're saying, I think it's very easy for us to be, um, like, when we get to a place where we're comfortable, it feels very difficult for us to stay there long, and I'm always, um, like, looking to explore, like, why it feels, I mean, obviously it's our conditioning, um, in many ways, but like, you know, really reviewing why it feels You Unsafe to rest or be present is a huge, um, it's like a scandal that like I want to uncover, like why we feel like we can't be present and then taking it a step further than that. 
Why can't we be at ease or rest?

You know, and it's not even just like it is physically painful if you think about it to not be present right to not do that but then there's compounding stuff that comes out of that to like at the end of the night if you're like oh man I had this time with my parents or with my family or with my kids or with my like friends and I was stressing about getting home and making sure that I threw the laundry in before work tomorrow. 


You're compounding it with more guilt and more shame because you weren't able to be present. And it's just the cycle that it's very, very hard to get out of. 


Yeah, and it feels like it like at the root of that really is. our productivity culture, you know, and just, um, that even if we're not doing something, even if we're not, we don't have anything scheduled or we don't have anything on our plate in the moment, that whatever we are doing in that moment needs to be productive or has to be something to show for it. 


It can't just be, you can't just be out here chilling for chilling sake. Like you have to be doing something. In that moment, and the art of doing nothing is, gosh, it feels like, you know, capitalism is really like trying to eradicate it, of course, um, and that is the worst, because I feel like, like you said, it takes us out of ourself, and then when we get back in our body, we're like, what is this? 


Because we're stressed, um, and I think, you know, Because sometimes we're not present, that's when we miss like these signs from our body that like we need to rest or that we need to recuperate or um, that we might need to dial back on how much we do in a day or just like those general things of being like, what do I need right now in this moment? 


Very difficult to do if you're not present because like, how would you know? If you can't sit with yourself, um, for a moment to kind of check in and see how you're feeling, how would you know what you need? You know? 


Yeah. And I think even when we're like doing the rest, right, it still feels like it has to be productive rest. 


It's, you know, how many times I've been like, I'm just going to like take a break. I'm going to take five minutes. scrolling through my emails and be like, well, I might as well just like unsubscribe from all these junk emails while I'm sitting here doing nothing. And then it's like, well, guess what? Now you're not doing nothing. 


You're not resting. The whole point is to not be looking at the screen, not be taking in these messages. It feels impossible to do it because then you're like, oh my gosh, while I'm sitting here and I see that basket of laundry on the floor and I really should just like get that. 


While you're sitting here, you might as well be doing this, but. 


Right, that's not the point. I mean, I've heard people Use the visual of like a cell phone, right? Like you have to actually plug your phone in at the end of the night to charge it for the next day. You can't just like let it sit there and not use it. That doesn't actually charge it. It doesn't deplete the battery as much. 


I mean, it's still getting depleted even just sitting there, but like you actively have to plug it in and plug that into the wall that might give it a source of energy.

like put it down. Leave it alone. 


I'm like, it's, that energy has to come from somewhere, right? Like the energy has to refill the battery of your phone and we are so aware of that and so willing to charge our phone's batteries because if you're like me, it's glued to your hand. 


It's basically attached to you. Um, but we don't do that for ourselves. And why is this piece of glass and plastic and metal, why is that more deserving of recharging? I don't know. 


And where in us too, like where, like, I, I mean, I think about this a lot. I'm sure you do too. Like where in the world did we receive that message from? 


Like, you know, sometimes like in the moment when it's very, very difficult for us to ask these why questions to ourself, it's like, well, but we have to, we have to figure out why do I feel like I can't in this moment. 


I think it comes from the same, the same place that showed us that, um, basic human maintenance of showering, of taking a bath, of moving our bodies and of getting enough rest, been telling us that that's because we're women, that's self care. That's not self care. That's basic hygiene. That's like human hygiene. But like, we've been trained to say, oh my gosh, no, I'm going to go wash my hair today. 


Like it's, you know, like self care, a hot bath, like, like we should be getting that on a regular and it's, and it sucks to see how many of us Do not get that regularly, like a luxurious bath, like something that we should get all the time. Um, like, yes, we might shower, but if you're like me, you're like, I got to hurry up and take a shower and like scrub the heck. 


So I can get on with my day because we've got other stuff to do because we need to be presentable for those things outside the house that are probably not geared towards like our direct care, but maybe like caring for others or just, you know, work, all of those things. So it just feels like even in those moments, those simple acts of care are always geared towards us moving towards the next thing on our list to do. 


Right. And accepting the bare fucking minimum of a night of sleep and a meal and being like, oof, self care. No! That's how we stay alive as humans. We need sleep, we need to eat. 


You should eat, girl, like, and then you should go to bed, like, that needs to be the forefront. 


Yeah, these are not luxuries, and I know you and I have talked about this a lot, and just like, hating the term of self care, because It's not. And I know we like actively moved away from using the word self care in our podcast and it's like, no, it's, it's healing because what we're talking about is self care is not self care in this world. Not anymore. This should be a given. 


Yeah, it should be. Even if it's not yet for a lot of people and I totally get that, but I, I like don't want to call, like you said, those basic needs self care when, like, There should be things that we always have. 


And I think the healing comes from being like, Oh yeah, I'm gonna give that to myself a little bit more often. Um, because there's many times I, I mean, [00:24:00] I know as moms, but I think just other women in general or other people in general, um, whoever you are, that there are many ways that we kind of are robbed of those moments to really just be present with ourself and say like, okay, no, I'm not going to fill up every hour of my day with, stuff that's very difficult to do, um, to allow herself to be bored even. 


But I always, it's so funny because I'm always complaining like to my kids. I'm like, you've got to get off. They're like, I'm bored. And I'm like, nobody ever thought of anything great. Like when they weren't bored, like being bored is how you get the good ideas. You have to fit, you have to get your creativity going somehow. 


And it's not going to happen when you're like mindlessly scrolling away or like playing Roblox. I don't, I, great. You want to play that for a little while. Fine. But like be bored so that you can think of things. That are not boring since you use your imagination and you get creative and you get like maybe a little messy even to me That's being much more present than like something completely distracting them and like what feels like it's doing is turning off like their entire Frontal lobe. 


Yeah. Yeah, I'm not gonna sit here and act like my kids are not on screens all the time They're all watching TV 


right now But like 


I'm sure there are three iPads blaring downstairs as I'm sitting here, but I, I tell them my kids are like big on that. We're bored. We're bored. And you know, being bored is not going to kill you. 


That's okay. It's not my job to entertain you. You can figure out how to not be bored. 


At this age, you've got, I'm sure they've got their favorite things. They have like a thing that they love to do. Like I know, um, Javi loves like art projects. Like it doesn't even have to be anything specific. It could be like, Hey, do you want to glue these thousand pieces of felt to paper? 


I have to like hide all the tape in my house because I'm like, with the tape. It makes me crazy. And it's like, it's on everything. And it's a little scraps of it. And he cut up the paper. Drives me crazy. Stuck on the floor on everything on the carpet. I'm like, this is. It's on the dog. I'm like, what did you do? 


He scrapes a tape on him. Um, that's probably his fault for going through the garbage, but it is also very hypocritical of me. And I totally know this, that I like tell my kids, I'm like, you can be bored. You don't need entertainment every second of the day. And then there I am. And I am constantly glued to my phone. 


I cannot have a second of silence. I'm playing podcasts all the time or listening to an audiobook or music. I can't have a moment of silence because, God forbid, I have to be alone with a thought. Like, I can't let myself 


Yeah, so I This is deafening. 


Like, I'm just as guilty of it. And that is hypocritical. 


And they probably have, are starting to catch on that I'm like doing the same thing. Um, and I, I do really want to break that habit, but it's tricky. It's tricky to like sit in silence. 


Yeah. Cause I feel like that's when you start hearing like things that 
you don't really want to hear or you. Yeah. be uncomfortable. 


you know, I I was at, I was doing some standup paddleboard yoga the other night and I. It was quiet that night. There was nobody else there. There was not even a current in the water. The water was like glass, no birds. It was like silent. And all of a sudden I started hearing, and I mean like, not just like hearing it, but like comprehending the bullshit I've been telling myself over and over. 


And I'm like, Ooh, when you have to face this without distractions, you really can start to see the cracks in there. And we get so stuck in our own narratives. And I think any threat to what we've been telling ourselves can beg for a little bit of distraction. It's like, Oh, no, no, I, I don't know if I'm ready to start unraveling all this stuff because this is what I've been saying forever. 


It's amazing because we're, we're saying like, hey, where does this come from? And at the root of it is that discomfort. With like our truth, maybe like, is it like, are we, are we uncomfortable with our truth or are we uncomfortable with the fact that we don't know immediately what it is because we're always like heavily distracted? 


Like, it's like, what are the thing, what, how many things are we silencing and why is it so uncomfortable? It's like squeezing something out of a tube. It just feels like too much all at once when it gets really quiet like that. And it's like opening a dam because we never allow ourselves to feel a lot of things, and it can let that being present. 


If you're alone, that being present can feel uncomfortable. I remember during the, during the worst parts of the pandemic. I'm just feeling very like. I get that feeling of like I need to fill up all this time like from the moment we got up like I need to maintain the cleanliness of the house. I need to make sure the boys are entertained and have a schedule. 


I can't, like, let them not have a schedule because things are too crazy right now. And for everybody to continue to thrive in this crazy time, I need to be packing the days full of stuff. But how am I going to do that? Because we don't live in a big house and we can't go anywhere and we didn't, and it was just insane. 


And it was really because if I had to sit and be present, there were so many, obviously uncomfortable and awful things going on. That, how could I possibly sit with that? It felt disgusting, but at some point in time. I had to let a lot of things go and just be present. And, um, I think that we probably all experienced, um, or many of us might've experienced a moment during that time where we went from, um, maybe like not liking the fact that we were inside so much to being like, this is so great. 


Like, yes. Um, and I, and, and then not everybody got to And I understand that, but there was a point in time where I was like, I don't really need to go anywhere because there I had done nothing, but sit with myself for the last few months. And it was nice to see a version that wasn't, um, the busy, stressed out overworked version. 


Yeah, I, I remember towards probably the, you know, mid to late 2021. So people were starting to get things a little more back to normal. People were just like done with the pandemic, even though it sure as shit wasn't. I'm not done with you, girl. Yeah. Right. And I remember saying to my therapist, I was like, I am so anxious about having to start like normal life again, because I feel like I wasted the pandemic. 


Everybody else learned a new skill, they made bread, they, you know, had a new project to show for it. And I wasted it, I like, I kept thinking like, Oh, I'm going to learn Italian, I'm going to get really jacked, I'm going to be really strong, and I, I wasted all this time, and That is such a like, well, there is your capitalist culture right there, that it's like, You survived a pandemic. 


Yeah, like also taking care of other people. 


I had a baby in that time like that could have been my pandemic project growing a human life,

a baby, a literal baby. 


Like a whole ass baby. But no, I still came out of it and was like, Oh, God, what a waste of my time I bought a house. We move like, like, like there were things that were done but because there was no cert certificate at the end of the day to show for it. 


I was like, I wasted this and how sick is that that you're like, We've been trying to survive the past few days. 


And literally, like, it's like, hey, you were just living your life. 


And that's not enough somehow. Mm hmm. And I, I think, you know, that's something else that happens when you're not present. You're always living in the future because right now where we are is not enough. 


But I think the thing that we've all learned is that it'll never be enough. There's always going to be another certificate, another skill. There's always something to do. And when we get to that, when we grab that ring, guess what? There's still something else on the other side of it. And it's not going to be enough either. 


It's, it's truly an art of having to just learn how to let go and also maybe let go of some expectations too, so that you don't feel like at the end of that period of time, like you didn't do enough or like what you did, um, isn't worthy or that we have to monetize it or that like the doing for the sake of doing is such a, um, difficult thing to learn when you've been trained that everything that you do, even if it's for fun, um, has to be presented in this way. 


And get approval, like, from who? 


That's tough. I'm still learning that. 


And I think that's part of the lesson, too, of like, where does this, where does this teaching, where is this messaging coming from? Well, who's profiting off of it, right? Who's making money? It's not really us. It's when we have to go for another degree. 


Guess what we're paying for that? We're taking out more loans, we're doing all that. When you have to get another job. Who's profiting. It's it's all management. I mean, it's never us because if we could truly be content where we are right now in this exact moment, there's no money to be made from that. And I mean, even on like a very small scale, I was going through my email inbox. 


Every email was like cozy fall sweaters, pumpkin, this, have you started thinking about Christmas shopping yet? Book your holiday trips. And I was like. It is going to be 92 degrees this week. It is so hot. We still have weeks until it's officially autumn. 


Yep, but HomeGoods has all the pumpkins out, girl. All the pumpkins are out in HomeGoods, Target, TJ Maxx, all the stores, okay? 


Yep, it's like capitalism is really popping off with those adorable little pumpkins. And I guess the pumpkins we bought last year are no good because now there's like a different color scheme that we're all doing this year. I mean, it's just. Wild. And it's, it's never enough. There's no, you can't ever check the box and say like, I did it. 


I accomplished everything I wanted to and, and I'm good right here. Because there's gonna be another email that tells you, Oh my gosh, you, you gotta do this one too though.

It is very humbling to realize that I cannot in fact buy whatever the fuck I want. Okay? Um, And I think that, especially in the last few months, given everything, like all the transition, Um, of my life, I was like, damn, I can't do anything. 


Like I can't, I can't go to the mall and spend this money. Like I want to spend it. No, I cannot. Um, because you have a whole different life now. It's a totally different lifestyle. And I went from being like, being like, damn, I really wish I could buy, to being like, well, I guess I will at some point. And once I kind of eased into that fact a little bit, it was much easier. 


Cause it's like, well, you've survived this long without that. So don't worry about it. And it is amazing how like want the want for like, um, for material things. Tie so perfectly with that not being present because like, again, if you're busy buying all these things, if you're trying to, um, keep up like life on, on a very aesthetic level, um, then a lot of you may, you're missing a lot of the day to day things that also just make life very, very beautiful. 


And I don't want to like overgeneralize, but like a lot of us will miss the things. That make day to day life because they are not things that we can purchase. Um, but I, but I really do think that we have to learn how to like get very uncomfortable. There's a middle part there where we have to be okay with, um, less. 
Doing less, having less, saying less, even. 


I think that in a lot of cases too, you know, my, I love to buy stuff. I love to shop. I love to spend money. I don't have all that money to buy my way out of all this anxiety I have, okay? I would have to be Jeffrey Bezos to be able to, like, adequately shop my way out. 


And you know what? I'm gonna guess it's not actually even enough because it's, it doesn't actually solve anything. Um, and, and a lot of the time, all that shopping, all that spending, It only leads to more anxiety than when you're like, oh, I have to look at this budget, or like, I have no more room in my house for one more thing. 


And that's going to cause more anxiety. Now I have to find somewhere to put this stuff. That's the worst. Um, so yeah, is there another way to let go of that discomfort a little bit? And I think it goes more towards like being present. is a practice. You don't just say like, I'm going to be present because yes, that first moment of it, it is the dam breaking. 


It is all those thoughts spilling in when you have a little bit of silence and you're allowing yourself just to sit in that. And all those thoughts, all those fears, hearing all that bullshit, it's really tempting to shut that all out. And say like, forget it, this is too hard, and if I'm, if I'm gonna hear it, if every time I try to be present, this is what I hear, how am I supposed to live like this? 


This is way worse, but I think, as you alluded to, like, that part doesn't last forever. 


That's the worst part of it. That is the most tense part of it, is when that dam breaks, and you, and all the things that you've been not wanting to sit around and hear in yourself, um, really become most prominent. It's the, that's the hardness that it gets. 


Because when you're like, Oh, Shit, what did that emotion, that feeling that whatever crop up. Yeah. And maybe that's why, like that period of time, it just felt particularly intense. Because when had a lot of us ever done that before. 


Yeah. And it's, it's easier to shut the door and say like, You know what, let's put that stuff away.

We don't need to be present right now. We can be present another day. And I think just to like. Even to give a very concrete example, because I think a lot of people might be listening to this and like, what are you talking about? Like, what are you hearing? Like, what is that? My narrative that I've been telling myself forever and been doing a lot of work of, you know, where, where did this start? 


Who did I first hear this from? Who is this message coming from? But that voice in my head when it's quiet says, you are not capable of doing anything good on your own. You are going to fail. Everything you touch You break. You're gonna ruin it. And that is a really awful thing. To hear in your head all the time. 


Yeah. And I, I want to like, I want to give a little room for that to breathe a bit because I think that, um, I, first I hate that you have that story and I hate that a lot of us have it and it's so, it's so not fair to do all that you do. And make it look as beautiful as it is and love on the people that you love on and them love on you and hear that like still for a moment you would think it's anything but like heavenly, you know, and it's because of you that it is so good, not in spite of you, you know. 


Thank you. I love you. Um, I, I also just wanted to say it, because I do know that I'm not the only one that has those thoughts. And through a whole lot of hours of therapy, you know, I can still sit here and say, yeah, logically I have a pretty good track record of that stuff not being true. And it's still going to be the first place that my brain goes when I give it a little bit of room. 


Yep. And a lot of the time when that message comes back into my head as soon as, you know, I unmute the audio book or I give myself a little bit of breathing room. That's the one that comes in and I can sit there and fight with it and try to find all the evidence that it is true. Or I could say, Oh, that's a big thought. 


Okay. And I'm gonna, we're going to table that one. Thank you for bringing that up. Maybe we'll come back to it a little later and just. Not really fighting it, just being like, all right, I know that that's, that's where we go. Let's... Mm hmm. What, what else is, what's gonna come next if I let the next thought come in? 


And it might be another bad one. Like, I probably have a couple of those I get to get, go through. But they come less frequently, and they're not as loud if you just sit there for a little bit. 


It kind of diminishes some of the power of that narrative, because you're just looking at it. It's like, um, it's like Moana, and she sees the monster and she's like, girl, listen, you just seem like you're hurt. Like, calm down for a minute, is pretty much like the message, right? But it's like, I think it's, it, that breathing room allows us to look at something maybe a little bit more objectively and be like, Yeah, I know you feel like this and you feel like this in this moment, but you know that that's not true and you in this moment it feels like you're never going to get past it, but you know you will because you have before, and I think like that reminder is like a small thing and again like you said it takes practice, but the more you're able to do it, the easier it becomes to start to replace. 


The negative part of that narrative and start to replace it with like a, like, yes, I'm human. And I can't run at full speed all the time. And I don't want to overdo it today. I don't, I, yes, I feel guilty about it, but I'm tired and I'm going to allow myself to rest. Or yes, I feel guilty that I'm going to finish work early, but my kids really want me to play with them. 


Or I really want to just sit here and watch the ultimatum. And talk shit about those people for a couple hours and not feel bad about that. Allow yourself to like, allow yourself the discomfort of maybe like choosing yourself a little bit more.

I mean, I think it's so much, you know, where these messages come from. Could be somebody literally saying it to us at one point in our lives. And maybe that's the voice we're hearing it in. It could be us, you know, something we learned as when we were little to keep ourselves safe. Um. But I think when you're present and you don't just immediately slam the door shut as soon as those scary thoughts come in, it's kind of like turning the light on and thinking that like, Oh, I thought I saw that really scary monster sitting in the corner of my room. 


But when I turned the light on and I could look at it, it was, you know, just the way my coat was folded and it was a hat and I can see the shape of it and it's not nearly as scary. When you can look at it in the light and touch it. Oh, yeah. Yeah. And be like, Oh, that was really silly of me. Gosh, I'm such a silly little bitch. 


You know, did I, have I told you the comforter story? No. Okay. This was like peak depression, um, during, during the pandemic. And so we needed a new, new comforter. We'd had this comforter. It went from Maryland to California and back again and seen two kids, two dogs, like Two people, like two humans, like adult humans. 


And we really need one. I'm not gonna lie, because I was smoking a J in my room one day. Dropped ash on the bedspread. And I was like, all right, girl. Like, now you, like, you have to buy it because, like, you want it to get high in your bedroom. Um, and you burned a hole in your comforter. So like you need to go to target. 


And I, I hate going to the store less. So now, cause like I do love me some target, but I hated going to the store, especially at the height of the pandemic. Um, and I had to go in there and pick a comforter, but I had this really awful sense of dread all the time about everything. I felt like this, the house needed to be clean all the time, but I couldn't, I didn't have the energy to clean it. 


I was just in full on depression. and anxiety mode all the time. Um, I was convinced that like, we were all gonna die. And like, it was just awful. I was in such a bad place. And I was standing in the aisle at Target, trying to pick out this comforter. And I was like, looking at the wall of comforters, like the Jungalow ones, the Threshold ones, the Nate Burkus, all the ones. 


And I just was like staring back and forth like this, like, like looking not moved by anything, but like, girl, if you had asked me a year prior to go pick out a new bedding set, I would have been like, say less and include some money for pillows and throws. 


By the time I get home, I'm going to have a new life with this. 


Yeah. I'd be like, don't be surprised if I say, get ready to wallpaper the house when I come home today. I couldn't even pick out the comforter. And I just remember, this is so dramatic, but I just remember like sitting and looking at it and being like, what's the point? Are we even going to be here in a year anyway? 


Like that I was like, why even pick out a new comforter? And I was telling my therapist, that's God bless her. And like, she really had to like. Help me reel that in the amount of dread that I felt because I was living not only in the future, but this version of the future that was absolutely horrible, devoid of any joy and like, you know, just a wreck. 


I could not find the hope or the joy in anything. And that was like the saddest for me. Um, and. Thinking that like I had to maintain my house as I did before, like in these unprecedented times. And she was like, what's going to happen if someone walks in your house right now? And I was like, it's going to be messy. 


And she's like, okay, well, what do they say? I was like, they were going to say that I am messy. And. She's like, all right. And like, why, like, we're in the middle of a pandemic. Like, why would that bother you? And I was like, I don't know, because like, I've never had it this messy before. And my mom told me, like, she was like, Oh, are you afraid of your mom coming in and being like crystal, like slamming the door open and like. 


pointing out how like there were Legos everywhere. Like she was like in the middle of a pandemic, like who's going to fling your door open and be like, look at this fucking mess. Your kids are playing in the living room. Like, I felt like I had to hold it together no matter what, that everything needed to be as perfect because everything was awful. 


And if I could maintain the space in my home, just as I'd always been taught to maintain it, nothing else. Bad would happen. Like nothing weird in the future would happen. And if something did, well, at least like I have the fond memory of my beautiful home and like, I was just so down and out for the count. 


And it wasn't until I had like really kind of hit like an emotional rock bottom around all of that, that I was like, why do I care so much? about people who don't exist coming in my house and telling me that I am a mess in the middle of a pandemic. And it was like, it took a little time, but after I got very comfortable with the idea that these people do not exist, because they do not, I was able to really, again, like, start to relax into the good part of, um, of that timeframe, which was having to be present all the time with the kids, talking to myself, asking what I need, what they needed, what do they really need? 


Not like a clean house, but maybe just to like sit and watch six Disney movies in a day instead. And that felt so much better to do than to stress about cleaning the guest bathroom toilet. Um, which it was clean y'all, so don't try it, but like making sure it was clean, even though no one was coming to our house. 


Yeah, I. I just, I wish I could go hug Crystal standing in the target aisle. And I mean, yeah, I mean we get so far ahead of ourselves. And it's like, but what, what about that Crystal in that moment who deserved to go home. and wrap herself and hide maybe from her perceived as messy home. She deserved a comfortable blanket in that moment. 


And she did buy one. I did not, I didn't get one that day, but I did go back a couple of weeks later and buy one. 


Did you like have to hype yourself up to go back or were you just so ready at that point? Like, what did it feel like when you actually were able to buy it? 


When I, when I did, oh my God, and I wish I could remember who, what, what the podcast or whatever I was listening to, but it was, I forget, I think it might've been Behati Life, maybe, which is a podcast I absolutely love. 


She's a, um, intuitive and an astrologer and I love her stuff. Um, but I want to say that she had, she had talked about like in one of her like astro updates, like kind of like leaning into like the, like the beautiful parts, like where you could find it. Yeah. And I think that once I had started to put that in, even in a small capacity in my daily practice, it got much better. 


And I think that the reason why, like when I went back a few weeks later, it was so much easier to, was because instead of looking at the wall of comforters and being like, what's the point? Like we're all going to hell in a hand basket. I was like, we might be going to hell in a hand basket, but if we are, I would like to be laying in my bed. 


With this really nice heavyweight linen comforter. Yes. Because I have, because even if we all are going, I don't deserve to be going down there y'all. And I'm going to go in comfort. Like it was, and it was like still kind of, um, a little, still a little dreadful, but it was more like. No, start to lean into the things that feel really good because you don't know how long you have here because life is short and it's precious and everything is ever changing. 


And it was, but it wasn't just the comforters, it was every moment became like that. Even sitting out on the front lawn and reading tarot cards, like even planting herb, like an herb garden with the boys, like those things were so lit because of the uncertainty. Whereas like months prior, I was like, there's no way I can do the simplest of tasks. 


Because of the uncertainty, it just completely flip flopped for me. And I'm like, I'm so glad that I, that I did, but I looked at the hard stuff. So that I could get back to loving something, you know, but how do you, how do you, what's your way of like bringing yourself back from that panicky place and like getting rerouted, like back into your center. 


Like, I feel like healing isn't ever not going off the rails. It's like the ability to return. So like how do you get yourself back on the rail when you go off the rails? 


Do you think it's possible to do it by yourself? Like, like I'm genuinely asking that. 


I think sometimes it is, but I think I always am going to say like having, you know, somebody in your corner to kind of help you, to extend to you, um, a hand is going to be much better for you than trying to do it on your own. 


Because sometimes we just see in other people like something that they don't see themselves and we need them for that, you know? 


Yeah, I think it's helpful also when you're living with other people. I, I had a very similar spiral moment, peak pandemic, I don't even remember what happened. But I had convinced myself that Child Protective Services were going to come and slam my door in. 


And see that the baby's bouncer, like her little bouncer that she was in, that there was cheerio dust on there. And that they were going to take my kids away from me because I wasn't adequately cleaning the cheerio dust from like that day that she grinds into them. And I would sit up at night. I mean, like scrubbing it with a toothbrush to make sure that I toothbrush, like, I mean, it was an old toothbrush. 


Don't worry. It wasn't like my toothbrush, but like the detail was scrubbing it because I was like, CPS is gonna take my kids, they're gonna say that I'm an unfit mother, and I would stay, I would get up in the middle of the night, this was, this one was like very early pandemic, I would get up at like 2:30 in the morning, every day, and I would go look in the pantry, and I would count the number of pasta boxes I had, and I would make lists, and just inventory all the stuff in the pantry. 


Is it enough? Is somebody going to come in here and look at the food stash I have and say, you don't have enough. You're not a good parent because you, you don't have enough food stores for these kids. 


And we're literally out on the Prairie. In the dead of winter, 


like, that's what it felt like. It felt so alone. 
And my brain was three months from now where it's, it's even, it's even worse. There's no stores, there's nothing, there's no toilet paper, we've ripped up every bed sheet we could find to wash our asses with. Like, my brain, 


but like, didn't the world make you feel like that's where it was? And listen, we all maybe could, okay. 


But like, that's where we felt like we were going. It did not, in the moment, it did not feel irrational because that's what we were being told.

No, I, I had dreams. This was wild. So, you know, like I'd be dreaming and they're crazy like everything I ever need to know and like things that like I don't really want to know, but I, I need to know them, um, as determined by my ancestors and spirit comes to me in a dream. 


And I had a dream before the pandemic started. That like I went outside and my fucking neighbors were throwing down over over food over like bags like I had, I remember in this dream, someone, someone drove their car by and like a small mob stopped the car and like took their bags of stuff out of the car. 


And I, I absolutely 100% directly correlate that with like. The, the insanity that was going to the grocery store at the beginning of the pandemic, in which like I know one woman went into the Target here in Columbia, Maryland, shout out to you, fucking weirdo. She took all of like the Benadryl and like Tylenol.

She literally just like took her arm and put all that shit in her cart, like every bottle that they had. And I'm like, girl, and like, I, I look like an asshole because everybody bought up all the toilet paper and the only thing left was like a 40 pack of toilet paper. And I was like, damn, like, I'm not one of these people, everyone. 
 I just wanted like a six pack, 


but everybody just took the six pack. We would have been fine. But now I can't, 


but anyway, sorry about that tangent, but like, I remember having a dream being like, Oh my God, is this, this is, is this how bad it's going to be? And like, yes, I think in some places maybe it was like that, you know? 


Um, but it was like, it just added to that, like dreadful feeling of like, there is, I don't know what's happening and I have no control over anything. And what is the closest thing I can put in my control. And I'm always like very. stunned to see the different ways that manifests like person to person, what we like hold onto really, really, really tight when we feel like we are spiraling, you know. 


Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I think that's like such a perfect example of trying to shop your way out of a panic. Right. Like, let me tell you, I I'm pretty sure in my bathroom closet on the top shelf there are still some, like, leftover Scott's single ply rolls floating around. 


Exactly what I had to buy. 


Because that's what we had to buy, and of course we had we couldn't get it from anywhere, so I had to order it from, like, an office supply store that came on, like, a delivery truck, like, WB Mason or something. 


Oh, shit. And did we end up using it all? No. Because, eventually, stores got, like That, that good red Charmin back in stock. And that's what I like to use for my What we like to use. My little, my little delicate behind. Um, yeah. But I mean, so you were asking earlier also, like, what is something that I do? I, I think back a lot to, uh, Lindsay Mack, who, she is like her own astrologer now. 


She used to do the readings for the numinous, which I was like obsessed with that website, Oh yeah, yeah. And I feel like I sent this to you back in the day, but she had this reading once. And, you know, I know that I'm going to like totally butcher this because it was so much more beautiful when she said it. 


But she was talking once about... Not trying to rush a moment and not living in the future because think looking at the metaphor of like a tree right so you you planted this tree you've grown it like you nurtured it you got it from the old seedling sapling baby and it grew and it's there and you're like yes I did this I did this I got it there I'm showing it love I'm watering it I'm protecting it from the winds and then there's The tree and there's branches on the tree now and you're like, yes, like I got those branches there and and then the it's flowering right like and you see like a little bud of the fruit. 


And then what do you do, you sit there and you savor that moment, because you don't get that moment back, and in about five seconds before you know it, there's going to be more work to do. You're going to have to harvest that fruit. You're going to have to do all this stuff on the other side. But when you're sitting in that moment of seeing the bud and seeing the flower, it's so easy to rush through it and say like, Alright, well I gotta get my ducks in a row, I gotta do this, I gotta do that, I have to get everything ready for this harvest. 


But like, what if you just looked at that bud? What if you just looked at it, observed it, and like, sat in peace with it for a moment? And I think about that so often because I'm just like, Things are uncomfortable right now, in this moment. But they are also going to be uncomfortable in a different way in the next moment when I get the thing that I want and the thing that I'm dreaming of. 


So where can I find the joy in this discomfort? Because this discomfort is the discomfort I know right now. So I know where I can find joy. I know how I can deal with this. I don't know what's coming next. I could walk out of my house and get hit by a car. Like, who, who knows? So where, where's their joy right here? 


And that's, I go back to that so often and I, you know, I, I hope that everybody sort of has a visual or something like that, that they can come back to and be like, you know what, this is really helpful. This is really grounding to me. And I invite everyone to use that one because I love it so much. 


I love that. 


That there is like acknowledging that there is going to be something in the next moment, but like, can you be present with this one? Yeah. That's so, it's so difficult, it sounds like so difficult, yet so simple. Right. All at the same time. 


Really, I mean, it is, it's always, there will be discomfort in every moment. 
 But, there's also joy there. Yeah. Even if that joy is just cackling over how awful everything is. 


You know? If you, you have said a word. Because that's where, that's, this entire summer has been like that for me. It's been, it's clearly like, you know, on the heels of the biggest transition in my life thus far. 


Um, there are these moments where I'm like, I am so fucking stressed to the max, and I don't know how I'm going to navigate through A, B, and C, whatever it is, and I will still look around and try to be like, oh, but like, look at this, like, sometimes I like, I look, I'm sitting in, in the house here, and I'm like, oh, but I really like how I decorated that one little corner over there, or, but also like, Don't you love, Crystal, how the boy, like you can see the boys like from the sunroom and they play outside. 


And isn't it nice that we're going to go to the pool later for a little while? Like, and, and for me, they are huge, huge, huge things because I wanted a place that had a lot of sunlight. And like, so sometimes I'll be stressed out and I'll be in here like, but look at how much sunlight you get in the apartment. 


You know, like I get very excited over those things because there are days where it feels like that's all you've got to hold onto, but they become these really big and beautiful things. And I think that like, being present in those moments, it's so much easier to practice gratitude. And I think because you can go from that presence to the gratitude, it's like saying to the universe, Okay, I'm ready for a little more. 


You know? I love that. I've definitely been in that moment that you're just like, It feels like everything's going to shit around you. And... I'll find myself just watching like a shadow of a tree blowing outside and it's casting a shadow on the floor. And I'll just watch it and be like, wow, that's really pretty. 


And I feel like I've done this for a long time and eventually realized like, that's meditation. Oh my gosh. I think I'm so bad at it, but you noticing. Something on your wall that is like, damn, I did a really nice job picking that frame. But like, that is a form of meditating and 


We used to look at the clouds. 
Like when you're a little kid and used to lay in the grass and you're like, what does that shape look like? What does that shape look like? Like, I know for a lot of people, the goal might be to like wipe your brain clean, if anything, while you meditate. But to me, like what more pure thing could you be doing? 


Then like admiring the light in your window or the shadows of your trees or the clock, like these very things, or like the, um, that moment, that really sweet spot where your kids are being like really loud, obnoxious, but also like, you're so happy to hear them being really loud and obnoxious, because that means they're being happy, they're happy and they're comfortable and they're safe, right? 


Like things like that. There, they feel small, but they're so big and it's so beautiful to allow yourself those things. Um, Somebody told me a couple months ago. I think you're confusing. I'm paraphrasing, but I think you're confusing like thinking of something like in your head, um, or like overthinking or like, like hiding your thoughts to just being present because I'm always like a person like this ruminating a lot.

And when I see other people ruminating, I'm like, what you thinking about? You know, let me get in there. I want to ruminate too. 


Yeah. Like I, I too would like to ruminate like in your head. Are you panicking about something? Is there something I didn't realize I should be panicking about? Let me get that too. 


Yeah. Like, yeah, total anxious like person, but I, I loved that because it was such a, like, first of all, don't talk to me like that, but like, also you're right. Like I, I was thinking of it like that. You'd be so 
right.

Don't read me for filth from that by the way. Um, but I, I always like, I think of that, um, often or I have a lot in the last few weeks because I'm like, well, why am I uncomfortable that it's quiet? 


Sit with this for a second. And there's not sometimes that sometimes there's something there I need to look at. Sometimes it's like, no, girl, everything's chill. Just look around. 


Yeah. Enjoy the view. It's not, it's never going to look like this again. Yeah. My limit. Yeah. I do want to share while we're talking, like getting present tips, something that my therapist has recently. 


told me all about. Um, so stepping out of the rumination spiral and those moments is really hard. And we're talking, you know, coming to meditation might sound impossible in those moments when you're like, I think CPS is about to knock my door down because of the cheerio dust. Like, how do you get out of that? 


And, um, she's taught me a couple of different grounding exercises that I really like. Um, The first one is like, for moments of active panic, like, I mean like full fledged freak out where you're like, I cannot breathe. Um, the TIPPs skills are really cool. So it's T I P P. It stands for, I said PP. Um, but so they, there, it's like an acronym. 


It stands for different things. So T is for temperature. So bringing yourself an extreme change of temperature. So putting a cool washcloth on the back of your neck, washing your face with ice water, just changing something changes your brain. It's like, Ooh, I'm really cold. All of a sudden, it just tricks you almost into being like, I don't need to worry about. 


this because I'm worried about survival because my instinct is kicking in and it's like, Oh, this is an unusual change of state for me. How do I change my, where, where's my blood going in my body? How am I taking care of myself? Your brain sort of just kicks in on that. Like, all right, is this a survival situation? 


Let's figure this out. All right. Change of temperature. So that's a really good one. I love like literally just an ice pack on my neck because I'm also like a sweaty anxious person. I get real sweaty. So a lot of the time that cold really helps. Um, I is for intense exercise, which is definitely one I know that I'm like, this is like number one of my mental health, but any like going for a run, I sometimes I will be in a, like a full panic and just sprint like down the street for like 10 seconds. 


But it's like, it's, it's when you're in fight or flight, sometimes you need to flight. And we don't 


I love that your flight, it's not like, you're not saying like, Hey, lace up and go for three mile jog. You're like, just fucking sprint for like a second.

Oh yeah. I'm going to like run to like the fence, like the, my property line, which is like 12 steps. 


Cause it's not a very big property. Um, I'm gonna sprint right back. And all of a sudden it's like, All right, well I couldn't breathe a couple seconds ago, but at least now my not breathing is because I had cardiovascular movement going on here. Um, so that's when that might help. Another one is paced breathing, that's the first of the Ps. 


Which, you can look up a bunch of different exercises for it, so it might be breathing in for four, breathing out for six, whatever it is for you. These are really great things to practice when you're not in that active panic, like brain shutdown moment. So arm yourself with a couple different paced breathing exercises. 


There's Tons of YouTube videos. Just save it on your phone. If you are the kind of person who needs these things, just get it ready. And the last one is paired muscle relaxation. So really similar with breathing. You might breathe in and squeeze your fist really tight. And then as you exhale, just release.

The tension there, you have a lot of tension in your body when you're in that anxious state, whether you're aware of it or not. So the action of squeezing really tight and then intentionally releasing it actually releases a lot of that stored anxiety that you're having anyway. So it's really helpful. 


Those are, um, yeah, those are the TIPPs skills. Um, and that's another one that's too, like, you might want to share that with another person. Yeah, seriously, because I cannot do them on my own when I'm in that brain space. I need, I need somebody to say, Ooh, all right. How about let's breathe in together for four and let's breathe out together for six. 
I need somebody else to walk me through it. 


So we might not even notice that we're in that anxious state or we're in it. We're in it, but we're, we're not like necessarily observing ourselves having this moment. And so it is nice when someone's like, like, I always appreciate if I am around somebody in an eminent state, if they like just take my hand and they're like, Hey, and they get like eye contact with me. 


It kind of breaks the, like the anxious thoughts for me and allows me to tune in a bit. And that's like, I feel like the perfect way to be like, why don't we like take a couple of breaths together? Or, you know what I mean? Like, do you want to go outside and get fresh air? Do you want a sweater to like warm up? 


Do you want, you know what I mean? Like appealing to like the comfort of your senses to kind of snap you out of that a little bit. It's really nice. 


Yeah, I mean that's another great one. So there's other grounding exercises. You know, maybe you're not in that active panic. You can breathe. You're okay. 


You're not totally freaking out, but maybe you're just not being able to get present. Maybe you can't sit down and enjoy playing Legos with your kids, or you're having a hard time right before you walk into a bar to meet your friend. You're just like, Oh my God, I had a million things. I wish I'm not doing this. 


Um, there's a lot of great grounding exercises. Um, And a lot of them are about engaging the senses. Um, like you were saying, feel, feeling in your body and getting back into your body. So 1 is a really common one. Um, and it's one that I like to do, um, at an opening of a yoga class too. I like to walk people through it just to get really like grounded and In their bodies. 


So, uh, naming five things you can see around you. I love that. Four things you can feel. So it might be, I feel like my heart is racing right now. It might be like, I feel the tag on my shorts and I really wish I'd cut it out. But just, you know, what are these things and noticing them. Three things you can hear. 


Two things you can smell. Especially in a yoga class, maybe somebody funky sitting next to you. A new shampoo that you tried. Um, and then lastly, one thing you can taste for me. That's usually coffee. That's what's left over in my mouth. Um, or like my toothpaste. Um, but Especially if you're alone and you're able to do this, I like to actually say it out loud and be like, five things I can see right now, one of them is I can see Crystal on the screen in front of me and it is really helpful and it feels so silly when you're doing it. 


But by the time you got to like that third or fourth step you're like, Oh, okay. 


As, as, as awkward, the more you do it, and I think there's something about saying it aloud to just giving some presence to the feeling. Um, I don't know I just there's something about like speaking the words. That feels like it's, it like seals the envelope and it's like, all right, I'm ready to move past this a little bit. 


I love that. It doesn't, it engages another sense too while you're doing it. You're actively hearing yourself speak. Sometimes I'm like, I can't hear myself. panting breath right now.

you're tuning yourself to, um, to your senses a bit so that you can again recognize that feeling and be like, I'm okay. 
Look at these things. I see, look at these things. I'm feeling like it feels like it adds another layer of like, you're safe here. 


You know, especially if you're safe to talk and, you know, I fully recognize that not in every situation, are you going to be able to say those things out loud, maybe you're around people that are like, I don't want them to think I'm insane or maybe you're just not able to, but if you can, it is a really nice way to check in sometimes even just like going to the bathroom and whispering it to yourself. 


Like I can hear the water running. I was like, okay

Yes. Yeah, totally. Oh, I love that. I, um. I'm always in my head a little bit. And so I love, um, I love the kinds of things you can use to really get back in your body and get present with your physical body. Because I think sometimes I can feel so unsafe to be there when we're in the middle of anxious thoughts. 


I can feel very uncomfortable, like you're saying, to be present in your body. Um, so I, I try to use that more often, but, um, one of the reasons why I love Reiki so much and why I continue to practice it Is just even like the five principles that go kind of we call it, um, the five principles of Reiki and they are when I, when I feel like I can't do anything else. 


Reiki wise for myself. I try to at least like. say these to myself, or even in the midst of like some panic or anxiety, because a lot of the things I'm worried about are things I can't control. And so the Gokai are, um, just for today, do not worry, um, or do not be angry. Just for today, do not worry. Just for today, be grateful. 


Just for today, do your duties or be diligent in your work. And just for today, be kind to others. And that's like a very basic, like, um, saying of it. There's many, many different interpretations of it. Um, and some are a little bit more detailed, but that's like the most bare bones of them. Right. And I love that because it really is calling for you to be present in the moment just for today. 


If you do nothing else in this moment today, try to just do the best you can with your work. And like when you're working, you're not just saying like with your 95 job, like, put your work here in this life. Um, as a, as a Parent, a child, a friend, um, a partner, whatever it is, um, but, or just to today for today, be kind, like, be kind to yourself as well. 


Um, try not to worry about every single thing because you can't control it anyway. Try to let go of some of your anger because it's not healthy for you to hold onto it. So like really, and anger often is like, yes, it's, it, it kind of bubbles up in the moment, but most anger is like something that's triggered by, and it's, it's old. 


And we know how to, our bodies know very quickly how to pull up that stuff. Um, but also saying like, Hey, yeah, you can, you can not like that, but like being angry in this moment isn't really serving you the way you want. So just for today, like, can you put that aside so that you can do A, B and C? Like. 


Those principles always bring me back to like a really beautiful baseline and not where everything is perfect. But for the moment, if I am like spiraling or I am feeling some discomfort around some changes or whatever, and I'm worried about how things are going to play out in the future, just for today, I'm only going to do what I can do in this very moment. 


And like, sometimes it'll be just for the minute. 


Yeah, I was gonna say sometimes a day can feel real big. Yeah. But what if it's just for the next five minutes? What if it's just for right, right freaking now? 


Just for the next 10 minutes, don't pop off. 


That's it. One more inhale and exhale and then start again. 
Try again the next inhale. And work it out like that. 


Cause like sometimes we are like hanging on here by a thread and a day, like you said, a day feels forever. 


You know, I think another one also that it sounds so silly and it's such a practical thing, but like dress appropriately, I, I've been thinking about this so much with back to school shopping and everything. 


And thinking about when I was a little kid, we're not all kind of like a teenager. And I would be taken by all those sweaters and corduroys and jeans and boots and I would be out there sweating my ass off in a 90 degree nightmare. Yep, it would be like mid September, 90 degrees out and I would be sweating there at the bus stop because I insisted that, well no, these are my new school clothes, these are my fall clothes, I need to wear them. 


And it's really silly but I think dressing appropriately for the season that you're in instead of like Well, they told me to do my fall shopping. I did my fall shopping. Here I am. And I think we Also do this with clothes that do not fit our current bodies, which is a whole can of worms. And I know there's a lot there, but wearing things that are too big or too small or buying things intentionally a size too small. 


Nope. Because that's where we hope to be at some point. You're literally shopping for your future self, who does not exist yet, may never exist. We don't know. We don't know what the future holds, but that thing that you're buying, that's really beautiful. And it, it makes you feel great. It's going to make you feel even better if it fit your current body. 


And that's really beautiful. And your current body deserves to wear clothes that feel comfortable, both size and temperature wise. Hmm. 


Yes. Yes. Yes. It's so funny because last night I went to a clurb. Actually, it was a lounge. The lounge is like a club these days, girl. Don't ask me what I'm doing in the club at 40. 


Okay, but I was there and I was proud of myself. I was chair dancing. But like The girls, first of all, shout out to the girls, shout out to the girls right now, because you are, some of you girls are out there in the heels and like the cat suits and whatever, and okay, come on, girl, bring, bring all of that. You look fantastic, but also shout out to the girls that are literally not doing it. 


And are going to wear Converse in the club. They are going to wear whatever the hell they want to in the club because they came there to have a good time in, um, slow wine with their friends to throw that ass in a circle comfortably. And they are not wearing bodycon dresses right now because that is the era that I needed to be in at that age. 


And I was like really happy to see it. The girls were giving looks, and some of them were not club attire. They were just there looking really cute, but they were also so comfortable. And they look like they had a blast. It took nothing away, nothing away from like, how good they looked and the fun that they were clearly having. 


And it just really affirmed me in that moment that I wore flat sandals to the club, because I do not care. And That I did not feel like stressing about my outfit and that I felt cute enough just to be out there enjoying some music, you know? And I really love that for, you know, the, the, the, the people coming up, like to just be yourself and be comfortable with wherever you're at. 


And it doesn't need to have, there's no uniform for how you enjoy yourself and for how you pass your time, but be comfortable because like, have you been to the club in heels that you hate? 


My God. I mean, I, I was definitely of the era of dressing like you were going directly from like a receptionist interview to the club. 


It was like the menswear, like the off the office. 


It was, it was a business. Business bodycon casual with a statement necklace, a sock bun, like, Dressed. Platform, heel, and like, yeah. That's, that's what we were doing. And it did not look good in the club or in the workplace. But, um, we were all going to do it, and we were all going to be uncomfortable. 
 And, for whose sake was that? I don't know. 


Yeah, I used to be out here in Frostburg doing things like, um, not wearing a coat. And if you, if you know about Frostburg, it's not warm. It's called Frostburg. Okay. So it's fucking cold and you want to walk down the street to a frat party with your titties out and no jacket on? 


Yeah, because the North Face fleece was really going to take away from that look. 


So you can tell me nothing. There's no way in hell I would do that now. I would, I would be like, you know, those coats that like, this is like a DC commuter coat. Okay. That floor length North North face, like quilted bubble.

That is me all day. And you are not going to pry that thing. away from me at, at any, at any juncture. And if I had to go to the club ever again in the wintertime or to a frat party, which is not going to happen, I would never again go in just a fleece or in an open toed shoe. 


No, no, we are going to be, we're going to be cozy. We're going to be comfortable. We're going to be seasonally appropriate. Yeah. Things that feel good. And maybe it's going to be something silly that is not on trend. It's not what all the girlies are doing these days, but I think that there is a broader definition of. like style right now that yeah god bless this gen z because they really fought for you know everybody to be able to I like to think that millennials maybe started to crack the door a little bit on that but Gen Z just went balls to the wall on that one that they're like, yeah, you're right like we are going to wear our comfy sneakers to the club, and it's gonna be cute. 


We don't care because we're going to do whatever we want. And I like that. 


I love that for y'all. I do. And while I never want to be back at that age again, and I won't be. I'm delighted that you all can be more comfortable. in the club because you will have way more fun being comfortable and cackling with your friends and it's much easier for you to um, walk home in a space. 


Not, not carrying your shoes in your hands, walking barefoot through the streets. 


Don't be that girl. Don't be that girl. It's not cute. 


You're going to get trench foot. It's not going to be good. 


Well, like, yeah, don't do that, y'all. Don't do that. Don't be out in public in the bar with shoes off. That's nasty. 
And your mama raised you better than that. 


You gotta bring purse shoes. That's what we did. Old Navy Flip flops. If you leave them there and then it's fine. I, I think it is very telling how much a lot of these recommendations of. Everything we have come up with of how to become more present is really just about noticing and being aware and like checking in with your body, you know, checking in temperature wise, but like also listening. 


Are you, are you hungry? What do you need to eat? Maybe like, Are you tired? Do you need a nap today? Yeah. Do you, do you hear something around you? That's, maybe there's been an iPad on all day that nobody's been watching and If you hear one more episode come on of Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, you're going to lose your shit. 


And maybe if you could just be present in your moment and notice where that iPad is coming from, you can go turn it off. Um, not that that's like a specific thing that happens. 


No, it never happens to either of us. 


Yeah, exactly. But yeah, just, I mean, just noticing, notice your own body, notice your own surroundings. 


And be patient in those first moments when those flood door, flood gates open and you start to have all these uncomfortable thoughts, just hang in there like a little bit longer. Just don't just check out with that initial discomfort. Because it's going to, it'll be less loud. It'll be less frequent 


and try not to judge like what comes up because you know, truthfully, just because you are feeling it, it doesn't mean that you need to solve everything in that moment. 


Sometimes, the work really is to just sit with it and acknowledge something that maybe you didn't give as much attention to at one point in time. So. It's totally okay for like when that happens, when you are feeling present and then you start to kind of feel funky and you're like, I don't know if I feel a way right now. 


And I'm not sure what that is. That discomfort is something, um, to examine, but not to be like, not to be harsh with yourself. It's okay to like in everything that we do. Because, because there are always going to be moments that are going to be harsh, knock you back into reality moments in our healing journeys. 


And I feel like wherever you can be gentle with yourself, yeah, be as gentle with yourself as you would be to your best friend. If she came to you saying the things that are going on in your brain, you're not just going to say, shut up, bitch. Like you're wrong. I mean, that might be part of it, but you're also like, you know. 


Baby, who's saying that? Can we, can we change that? Like, who are you hearing this and who do I have to fight for telling you this? But be as gentle as you would with your friend or your child because Yeah. You can hear it. And also like, if you're in this place that you're like, I can't stop thinking this. 


You can also just write it down. I find a lot of the time when I'm like having the same thought over and over, writing it down sort of gives my brain permission to be like, Oh, okay. Like, well, that's there right now. I can, I can come back to that later. I'll like sit there. I like look through my notes app because I put everything on my notes app. 


And it's like, what's the name of that song that Ben Harper sang? Because I'm like, In the moment, I was like, I can't stop thinking this when I don't want to start Googling stuff, so I'll like write those questions down or be like, I really want to solve this problem that I'm having, but just, just write it. 


And odds are, I'm probably not going to go back and look at those notes, but at least it's out of your brain and it's like, all right, we can come back to that later. 


I love that. Yeah, I love to write something down. Because it's something, again, it's like when you speak it out loud or when you write it down, you're just putting the seal on like a, I, I need help with this. 


It's like, it's like putting a little bat signal out to the universe to be like, this is the energy I'm looking at. I need some help with this. So excellent advice. 


I also think like being the practice of being present, you know, I guess this is going into like a little bit of a closing challenge, but if you can hang in there through that discomfort and push yourself to do something. 


Where you're playing and being present. Like find a little bit of joy and it might be manufactured at first while you're getting comfortable with the practice of it, but. You gave a great example earlier, like, what, can you lay down in your backyard and look up at the clouds for a couple minutes? Can that be being present? 


Can you, and with all those Legos that are on the floor, what if you sat there and built something instead of just worrying about like yelling at somebody to come pick them up or picking them up yourself because you know you're going to do that anyway at the day? What if you, what if you just played with them for a little bit? 


What if you, how can you force that joy and that playfulness in those moments of being present? Because I think that's what makes it sticky, right? Being present in itself. Yeah, sure. Like the goal is to be present, but why? It's because that's where we find joy. That's where these things come a lot more naturally. 


That's it, baby. Oh, you're like, first of all, on point, on point. But one of the things that my favorite book about Reiki found based on is of Reiki Ruho by Nicholas Pearson. He says, That, um, living for today opens the door to our intuition and invites indescribable joy. And I love that because I agree. I feel like that is where the joy is like the art of doing nothing, the art of being present, the art of doing something for the sake of doing and not because of any expected outcome is where we find these really beautiful pockets of joy.

And it's not to say like throw all the responsibilities in your life to the. To the wind, but to be able to say like, I have done a couple hours of work and right now I'm going to take a moment to just sit here. What do I kind of want to do? I don't know. I just want to lay down here outside and, and look up for a minute and just get some sunshine on my face or whatever it might be. 


I want to go for a quick walk around the block a couple of times just to get my blood pumping and, you know, get some of like the That weird, you know, anxiety feeling how there is nothing wrong with that feeling when it comes up, sit with it for a moment because on the other side of it is the joy. 


Yes, and if you, if you find joy, if you go out for that walk, you might hear your neighbors fighting, like you might hear that tea. 


You might get something really amazing that you wouldn't have got if you just sat at home. You might witness like somebody breaking up in public , girl who knows. All these things are out there. Let's all try to be a little present this week. Just practice it. Practice some of like your. Your panic moment tips to practice those when you're not in a panic when you're not in a rumination spiral Try them out. 


See how they feel. Um, I know we have Mentioned a ton of stuff. We'll make sure there's links to everything in show notes um books and that sort of thing so Yeah, but find find joy in being present. I mean the the The thing that came to mind when you were saying that also, which I know we're going really long here, but I'm going to say it anyway. 


Um, how many times have you like spent months researching and planning a vacation and you're like looking at all the little tiky-tokys and the Pinterest and like looking at different outfits and you have your plan, like your packing list and you've thought about it for so, so, so long and then you get there and all of a sudden it's over. 


Like you're back home and you're like, shit, what? I don't even remember it. I didn't have a moment that I just enjoyed being there. It was always like, what's the next thing on the agenda? Where do we have to get to next? It's so common. And I hate that feeling for me and I hate it for anybody else. And I, I think if we could practice just being present and finding the playfulness. 


I mean, I know on my vacations, the memories. That I have the most are never the planned excursions that we did. It's not that museum that I bought, you know, a timed ticket and, you know, we had to like rush from an uber here and there. It's the moments that like... Jimmy and I were sitting in a cafe in France deciding that we were going to try a hundred different bottles of champagne that week and like, let's challenge ourselves. 


And we were sitting there just like goofing off. Like those were the moments where I think to being a little kid in Disney world, I was like in middle school, but like my favorite memory of it. Was when it started raining and everybody rushed into a store and like people were being silly and there were some like silly goofy moods, and I'm sure my parents are like I'm so glad that we spent thousands of dollars for you 


to come here and play in the rain right 


in the rain. But I mean those are the moments it's not the plan stuff that's When there's a little bit of a break in the day just to be present and to be silly and to be playful. 


Oh yes, we really, we all need and truly deserve a lot more of that. So I hope that if there's anything that you guys do or like dedicate yourself to, it's maybe cultivating some of those moments in your day to day. 


Yes, and if you have those moments, I don't wish for you to like immediately reach for your phone to, you know, take a picture of it. But if you are in that moment and you do end up taking a picture and posting it, please tag us because we want to see it when you have those beautiful, joyful, playful moments. 


It could be at the end of it after you've had it and you've been like, all right, we're good. Um, just, yeah. I want to see it. I want to, I want to see more joy. 


Tell me the favorite cloud shape you saw this week. Like any, anything, anything that you stopped for a moment to really, truly enjoy and sit with, send them in. 
I so want to hear that always brings me a lot of joy. 


So I'll challenge you, Crystal. I want you to find some. Can you find some like raunchy pictures in the clouds and send them to me? 


I mean, you know I can find a raunchy picture in anything, girl, so done. Consider it done. 


Show me your tea leaves. Show me the raunchy things you find in different, different spaces. 


Challenge accepted. Thank you very much. 


I love that. Good. Um, all right. So, as always, if you are not already following us, why not? That's so mean. You should. Um, we're healinghappyhourpod on Instagram, um, yeah, and I'm glowupinsideout on Instagram as well. Crystal, where can people find you? 


You can find me at templehoneyhealing on Instagram. 


Come and say hi to us both and let us know. Let us know those joyful moments and just how all of you are doing. And we wish you lots of ease and lots of blessings in this new month. Yay. 


See you next time. 


Thanks so much for hanging out with us at the Healing Happy Hour. Subscribe or follow to make sure you don't miss us. We're dropping wisdom and foolishness every Thursday, and we want you here with us. See you next week.