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How to leverage pain
Episode 10022nd May 2023 • The BraveHearted Woman • Dawn Damon
00:00:00 00:14:42

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 Hey, BraveHearts, how are you today? I hope you're doing amazing, that you are experiencing abundance, and that the life you're making is a great life.

How many know life happens and it's not what comes to us, but what we do with what comes to us? Make good choices.

Today I wanna talk to you about how to take pain and use it to your advantage. We all experience pain in life, but we don't all use it for our good. Pain is an amazing motivator, isn't it? It instantly sends the signal to our brain that says, ‘Whatever you're doing, stop doing this. This hurts. I'm having pain.’ There's just something about pain that stimulates the brain that gets us to change.

In fact, Tony Robbins says, “Change happens when the pain of staying the same is greater than the pain of change.” Because pain stimulates us to move. Now, pain signals us to stop, and that's for our good. Unless the pain that we're experiencing is actually producing for us a really powerful benefit, then it's not good. We have to push past that signal of pain.

For example, if you're trying to improve your body and you're exercising, you're gonna feel some pain. If you stop every time you feel a little discomfort, you're not gonna get the body that you're hoping for. Or what about if you're trying to reset your metabolism every time you feel some hunger pains, and you say, ‘Oh, I gotta stop doing this.’ No, that pain is letting you know that you're entering a zone of transformation of change, of discomfort. ‘I'm not used to this. I don't like it. Stop what you are doing,’ but don't do that. Keep going. Keep pressing, because that's where you're gonna reset your metabolism. That's where true change and transformation are taking place.

Sometimes the pain that you experience is just, ‘Hey, I don't want to turn the TV off. I really wanna binge tonight.’ But hey, you can't grow. You can't develop if you're not reading. Leaders are readers. If you have a personal development plan and some strategy for your growth, you gotta turn that TV off. You gotta say no to some things. That's painful.

As an author and just finishing up my next book, which I can't wait to tell you about, it's been painful there. I haven't felt like writing all of the time. There's been some pain involved. There's been some discomfort. I've had to say no to really fun things, cool things that I would love to do, but I have a greater prize ahead of me. So I endure the pain for a season knowing that there's a reward out there that I want more than I want this temporary good feeling.

Just like our muscles, if you wanna strengthen your muscles. How do muscles get strengthened? They shred and they tear. You gotta put some pain in there, some resistance, some push. And that's exactly the way the brain changes. It doesn't change because of neuroplasty. But it doesn't change when it's just in an environment that's easy, comfortable, and familiar. When you get into a place where you start pushing, your brain says, ‘I don't know this place. This is uncomfortable. This is painful for me. I want you to stop.’ But it's in uncomfortable places where the brain starts. Firing up new neurons and new pathways, pain is good for us. It stimulates your growth, so you've gotta leverage pain.

I often think about a seed, and the Bible even talks about if a seed doesn't go into the ground and die, it won't produce the good fruit that's inside. So it is with us. Sometimes it's in our breaking, it's in the cracking open or the crushing of the seed where the most beautiful fruit exists. Let me make this distinction for you because pain is inevitable. It's part of life. But misery, that's optional. Suffering, that's optional. Pain is gonna come to you.

But suffering is often just our refusal to accept the things that we cannot change, to accept that this is part of transformation or this thing has happened, this situation, this circumstance. I can't change it, it's painful, and it hurts. But suffering the anguish of the soul, the misery that is ongoing from that is often because we just refuse to accept something that we cannot change in this life. We're gonna have pain, so let's make that pain work for us. We actually need to put ourselves in a place of pain, not harm, okay?

I'm not talking about something that is not safe but on purpose. Put yourself in a place that's painful. Find your edge and push past it. Find your place where this right here is comfortable, but this right here, this unknown space that's uncomfortable, do that, get used to it. We don't like discomfort. We fear it. But again, I wanted to make this distinction. Pain or discomfort does not mean that you are unsafe. I know that destabilization feels crazy and scary, but you're not unsafe. You're just experiencing something new. You're just experiencing something you don't know how to control. So discomfort does not mean unsafe. Being uncomfortable does not mean that you've made a wrong decision. You've made probably a very wise decision or a good decision, and now you're in this unknown territory and you feel like maybe you wanna turn around and run back home. You wanna stop, you wanna quit, or you wanna give up. Keep pressing on because discomfort does not mean it's the wrong direction, and also discomfort or being uncomfortable experiencing pain doesn't mean you're failing. That doesn't mean it's not working. Doesn't mean that you need to stop because you aren't. No matter how hard you try, you're not gonna get results. Not at all.

In fact, if you keep going, you will get results. Uncomfortable steps of action challenge you. They awaken your brain and you can be excited when you feel that because you know that you're growing. Okay. And that's what we wanna do, right? We wanna keep growing brave-hearted women. We don't wanna stop. We don't wanna say, ‘Hey, I'm the best that I'm ever gonna be.’ If you're still bringing air into your lungs, and if you're listening to me, you are, then you gotta keep growing. You gotta keep moving. You gotta keep recreating and reinventing. You gotta create something that did not exist before your hands touched it. What a joy that is. But if you avoid pain and if you avoid discomfort, then you're putting yourself in a box and then you know what happens.

We defend that box with everything in us to protect ourselves. I've seen it. I coach it, women in a box. This is what it sounds like. Push back, don't challenge me. They give me a problem for every solution that I offer. ‘Oh, I'm being triggered right now. I don't like when you say that. That triggers me.’ Okay, well stay triggered then. Live in your box. I'm not trying to be insensitive because I have my own triggers, but I also know that sometimes I gotta face those triggers and say, move outta my way. Because you're like a hurdle. A barricade. You're a roadblock in my way. And my reward is on the other side. I can't let you stop me. I've heard it.

People are in the box when they. Say, ‘Don't push me. I don't wanna be pushed, and I'll do this when I'm ready and when I decide.’ Well, again, you let intimidation work. When you resist the change agents that wanna come into your life and encourage you and help you to keep moving because you fear pain, you don't like it. Nicely put that means you are stuck. If you're stuck, you are gonna live a mediocre life. Average life and that's a pain of another whole kind because in that box there is a pain in that box. You're not avoiding it, you're just familiar with it because the pain of regret was gonna be such a powerful line just there And I said it that way, the pain of regret is in that box. The unfulfilled purpose is in that box, the death of dreams. Is inside that box. So push yourself to do hard things, befriend pain and discomfort.

Brian Tracy writes a book, it's called Eat That Frog. It's really good. I have read it. It is on my recommended reading list of books. If you don't have that, that is my free download for you again this week. But he talks about doing the hard things first in the morning. When you wake up, do the hard thing first. ‘Cause if you'll do that, the rest of your day is gonna be easy. It's gonna be really doable for you because you already conquered the hard thing. Plus, when you do the hard thing first. You go through your day feeling such a sense of motivation and accomplishment. You're like, ‘Yeah, I got this. I'm kind of cool up in here. I can do this. That's how I'm feeling.’ Anyway, push past your boundaries. Find your edge. Then push some more. Take more territory. Stop living small. God has given us this great, big, beautiful, wonderful life to live, and we're living so small. Don't do it. Remember too, you don't wait for motivation to come because you're not gonna feel like it. You've gotta find some discipline inside of you. Gotta apply the slide edge. You've gotta just do as much as you can. Little bits, increments, keep pushing. ‘Cause motivation isn't coming most mornings you will not wake up feeling motivated to do hard stuff again.

For those of you who are interested in writing and telling your story, I hope that you'll tune in and stick with me because this fall I'm gonna be offering a writing course on how to get your story out there. You have an amazing message. You have a story to tell. You need to get it out there, but motivation doesn't come. But I'll tell you what will come. What comes easily to you is rationalization. What comes easy is the excuse-making. And the reasons why we can't do something. The reason why it's not good to take this next step, the reason why we should give ours. Self-permission to just chill and take the easy road. That is what comes automatically because your brain, once again detecting a threat says, ‘You're doing something outside your comfort zone. And my number one job is to keep you safe. I am detecting a threat. This is not safe. What if you get hurt? What if you die? What if you look stupid? Which is very close to dying? What if your reputation is at risk? Discomfort?’ It screams to you. Again, remember, it doesn't mean you're unsafe. It might mean that you're on the edge of something brilliant and beautiful breakthrough. You gotta stop the lizard brain, that primitive ancient brain from chatting to you and whispering in your ear.

So what's your pain tolerance? You're not experiencing some kind of discomfort in your life? I can most assuredly suppose and guess. That actually you are probably not tapping your potential. What a sad thing to waste. The beautiful potential that's inside of you. You got more inside of you than what you're letting on, than what you've been willing to share with the world. I say it often, ‘But I'm gonna die empty friends, guys.’ I'm gonna unload every book, every song, all the music, every creation, every invention that I possibly can, and leave it on this side of the graveyard. I'm not going to the graveyard with my best song unsung. You shouldn't either. This is your moment. You got one beautiful, fabulous, quirky life to live, so you might as well enjoy it. Make pain your friend.

All right, that's what I got for you today. I hope you love this podcast and if you do send it to a few friends. It just needs a little push in the tush ‘cause that's what we do well here at The BraveHearted Woman and that is my gift for you. Click the button and get the download.

You should be a reader of books and I wanna tell you something, I've got an amazing book coming out soon if you want to be notified when my book is ready. You can also click that link and you will see a place that says, sign up for notification, and I'll let you know when my book is ready.

That's what I have for you today, Dawn Damon, your brave heart mentor, saying to you beautiful women, it's time for you to find your brave and live your vision.