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Have you ever apologised to your partner and somehow made things worse? It happens to a lot of couples. And it usually comes down to one missing piece.

In this episode, you'll hear why "I'm sorry, but I was stressed" and "I'm sorry you felt that way" so often backfire. Your partner hears the word sorry, but still feels the blame landing on them.

Through the story of one couple stuck in a cycle of quick apologies, you'll see the difference between ending a conversation and owning mistakes. You'll also learn a simple three-step apology that helps your partner feel understood.

Then comes one small thing to try tonight. If your partner is still carrying something, even something small, apologise properly and let them tell you if you got it right.

Daily Relationship Tips helps couples strengthen relationship communication, rebuild emotional intimacy, restore relationship trust, develop healthy relationship habits, and reconnect before emotional distance becomes permanent.

Hosted by Alastair Duhs, relationship coach and creator of Reconnected.

Have you ever tried to apologize to your partner and somehow made things worse?

After 30 years of working with couples, I can tell you that this happens a lot.

And when it does, it always comes down to one part of an apology that is almost always missing.

Hi, I'm Alistair Dewes, and this is the daily Relationship Tips podcast.

Every episode, I share simple, practical tools to help you and your partner feel close, connected, and genuinely in love again, one small habit at a time.

Today we're talking about apologies, a concept that many people misunderstand.

These people think that an apology is about admitting fault and perhaps saying the words I'm sorry and moving on.

But that's not really what an apology is.

At its heart, an apology is about making your partner feel understood.

Without that, words are just words.

I see this pattern in relationships constantly.

A partner says, I'm sorry but I was stressed, or I'm sorry you felt that way.

Neither of those statements is an apology, and both of those often make things worse because the person on the receiving end hears the word sorry but feels the blame still landing on them.

To give you an example of this, I was once working with a couple, I'll call them James and Renee, who were stuck in a cycle that's very common.

James would do something that hurt Renee.

He'd then apologize quickly, almost impatiently, wanting to move past it.

Renee would accept James's apology, but not really feel it.

And then her hurt would resurface the next time something happened because it had never quite been resolved.

Now, James was trying his best, and he couldn't understand why his apologies weren't working.

He felt like he was doing the right thing.

But when we slowed these situations down, what James realized was that his apologies were mostly about ending the conversation, not about understanding Renee's experience.

He said sorry, but he never acknowledged what she'd actually felt.

So acknowledgement of your partner's feelings, that's often the missing ingredient, because a genuine apology usually usually has three parts.

In the first part, take responsibility for your actions.

No deflections, no using the word.

But in the second part, be specific about what you did.

Name your actions clearly and admit to what you did.

This makes it clear to your partner exactly what you are apologizing for.

Finally, in the third part, acknowledge your partner's feelings, for example, by naming what the impact was on them, not just what you did.

Use statements such I know that hurt you.

I can see why you were upset, or I know that wasn't fair to you.

This third and final part is what transforms an apology from a formality into something that actually makes a difference.

So that's the three step apology framework.

Step one Take responsibility for your actions.

Step two Be specific about what you did and step three Acknowledge the impact on your partner.

To take this further, try this tonight.

If there's something you've done recently that your partner is still carrying, even something small, apologize properly.

Say what you did, say you're sorry without conditions, and then take a moment to acknowledge what it was like for them.

Then let them confirm or correct your apology.

And always let the conversation be about their experience, not about ending yours.

That's the small shift that transforms an apology that is essentially meaningless to one that is received well.

Now, before you go, here's something worth two minutes of your time on the homepage at Daily RelationshipTips.com There's a free quiz that shows you how close you and your partner really are right now and where your easy wins are hiding.

No guessing, no overwhelm.

Just a clear picture of where to start.

And while you're there, you'll find a stack of relationship resources to help you put these habits into practice.

Everything you need to create a happier, more loving and connected relationship is waiting for you.

Thanks for listening and I'll see you in the next episode.