Divorce anxiety, stress management, and nervous system regulation—this episode gives you real tools to feel calm and grounded during life’s hardest moments. If you’re navigating divorce anxiety or overwhelming stress, this conversation will help you regulate your nervous system, reduce anxiety, and find peace again.

In this powerful episode, I sit down with stress expert Lane Kennedy to talk about what actually works when you're in the middle of emotional overwhelm—whether it’s divorce, health scares, or life transitions. We break down how to calm your nervous system, why your body may feel stressed even when your mind doesn’t, and simple tools you can use immediately.

If you’ve ever felt anxious “for no reason,” struggled to slow down, or wondered how to truly feel better during hard seasons—this episode is for you.

Timestamps:

(00:00) Introduction to stress, anxiety, and life transitions

(03:45) Lane Kennedy’s journey into stress and nervous system work

(07:12) Why you feel stressed even when life seems “fine”

(12:30) The hidden impact of screens, overworking, and lack of recovery

(18:05) How your nervous system actually works (and why it matters)

(22:40) The importance of rest, recovery, and honoring your limits

(27:15) What to do in the moment of extreme anxiety (divorce, crisis, fear)

(31:20) Simple breathwork + mantra practice (“I am safe”)

(36:10) How to handle anxiety in the middle of the night

(41:45) Why you shouldn’t process emotions during peak anxiety

(45:30) Using movement (trampoline, walking, dancing) to release stress

(50:05) How to safely process emotions and past triggers

(55:20) Understanding your thoughts vs. reality

(59:10) The “What do I need?” method for emotional clarity

(01:03:40) Why healing takes time—and how to be patient with yourself

Key Takeaways:

• Your body can be stressed even when your mind feels calm—your nervous system doesn’t lie
• Recovery (not just exercise) is critical for reducing anxiety and long-term stress
• Simple tools like breathwork and mantras can regulate your nervous system in real time
• Movement (like walking, dancing, or even a trampoline) helps release stored emotional stress
• Healing isn’t instant—true transformation happens over time with awareness and compassion

Guest Bio:

Lane Kennedy is a stress management expert, functional nutritionist, mindfulness teacher, hypnotherapist, and DNA wellness practitioner. With over 15 years of experience, she helps high-achieving individuals regulate their nervous systems, reduce anxiety, and build sustainable wellness habits that support long-term health and emotional resilience.

Resource Links:

Lane Kennedy Website: https://lanekennedy.com/Home

Tags/Keywords:

divorce anxiety, stress management for women over 40, nervous system regulation, anxiety relief, breathwork for anxiety, mindfulness for stress, divorce support, emotional healing, midlife transformation, calming anxiety naturally, HRV stress, women’s wellness, life after divorce, mental health tools

Welcome listeners.

2

I am so grateful that you're

here today because mm-hmm.

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I have Lane Kennedy back with me.

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She's been here before.

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She's gonna introduce herself with

her little story as to why she's

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doing the work she's doing, but

like, I kind of had to take notes.

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You, you Lane, you are someone that.

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You are an expert in everything that

I aspire to know more about, so I

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think that's why I love you so much.

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But we've got like a

stress management expert.

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Mm-hmm.

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A DNL, wellness practitioner,

functional nutritionist.

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Mm-hmm.

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Hypnotherapist, that's not even,

that's just the beginning of the list.

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But what we're gonna

talk about today mm-hmm.

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Is if you're going through

something hard, like divorce.

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And you're extremely anxious and stressed.

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We're gonna kind of talk about what we can

do in that crazy moment when it's first

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happening and bubbling over, and then

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Speaker 2: mm-hmm.

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Speaker: Maybe we can talk a

little bit about what we're gonna

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do later on as we kind of can

calm down a little bit and think.

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Through things.

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So Lane, welcome.

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Thanks for being here.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, it's so

good to be with you again.

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I loved our first conversation.

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This will be another juicy conversation.

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I'm sure.

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So thanks for having me back.

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Uh, you know, I found this work because

I needed the work, like, you know.

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Amen.

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Um, and I think, you know, not a

lot of people follow their calling.

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I think a lot of people, um.

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They know what they're supposed to do,

but oftentimes we'll do something else.

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And, you know, being a stress

management, you know, person,

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mindfulness, teacher meditation,

breath work, like all of that stuff,

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that, that's not what I wanted to do.

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Like, I, I like, that wasn't, I was

like, no, that's not what I wanna do.

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But in the end, my heart, my soul,

my being kept going towards it, uh.

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And at some point, you know, it's been

like 15 years now of just practicing.

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Like I really look at my work as

just, I come to work and I practice.

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Yeah.

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And I get to play with really

amazing people who struggle.

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I mean, Lisa, we live in a crazy world.

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Speaker: Mm-hmm.

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Speaker 2: Where, you know, everyone

that I talk to is stressed, and that

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can be, you know, somebody who's 16

to somebody who's 70, 80 years old.

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Everybody is really impacted by

the world that we live in now.

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Mm-hmm.

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And so I'm super grateful that I have

the skillset and the tools and a voice.

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That makes a difference in people's lives.

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Speaker: Yeah, and I, and I feel so

blessed to have you here, and I'm

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gonna, I'm gonna jump right in because

I myself, so I'm not, I've been through

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just recently something like, like

hair raising because my husband had

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heart surgery, had a mitral valve

repair and that's stressful enough.

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But then we had some complications like,

oh my gosh, she's dying of, I mean, it

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was like running into the ER and it's

been a long month, so I think maybe.

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Maybe that is causing a

little bit of anxiety.

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But one thing that I cannot figure

out, and I think I maybe mentioned

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this the last time you were here, is

so I've got this little aura ring.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker: And I don't

feel stressed out lane.

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I feel like I am like doing what I want.

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I really feel like I'm

fulfilling my calling.

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In fact, I was just going

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Mm-hmm.

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When I had done some work and really was.

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That's when I was really like, wait a

minute, I need to be doing mediations.

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I don't need to be fighting

things out in court.

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This is more, I am more a peacemaker.

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And so that was fun to see.

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But what's so bizarre is my ring is

telling me like the last week, I am

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higher stressed out than anything.

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Yeah.

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So like everyone, I went on AI

and I like did this in depth dive

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and I did learn some interesting

things about food and protein.

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Mm-hmm.

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And how.

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You know, my workout pretty hard and I

was kind of trying to do some fasting

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and so it had suggested to maybe

get a little more protein throughout

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the day because, and that seemed

to make a little bit of a change.

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Yeah.

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And then I think I got thrown back

with the whole heart surgery thing.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker: And now I'm like, what?

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What the heck is going on?

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I mean, I'm walking a lot more

because we're getting a little

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bit of less snow and, and things.

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Mm-hmm.

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Speaker 2: Mm-hmm.

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Speaker: Um, working, so working out

a little bit more, but I don't get it.

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And I've done breath work and then

I tried this day where I was, did

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a couple of meditations and it was

like off the roof, high stress.

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So laying help me.

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Speaker 2: So I love that you're tracking.

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Just kudos to you for tracking.

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Um, that can be good and bad.

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Yeah, really like the nervous system

is, you know, it's one of two systems

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that's always listening to us.

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So our nervous system and our immune

system are constantly listening to our

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thoughts and the way that we are wired.

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Uh, but when you're telling me.

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That you're doing all these things.

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My, my first, my my little, eh, like,

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you know, my, my shoulders.

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Um, this, I'm like, okay.

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So that probably means that, um,

you said that you were exercising

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and walking more, and it makes me

think of like, where's your recovery?

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Speaker: Yeah, I don't have

any, but I can't help it because

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Lane, when the sun shines in

Wisconsin, I'm out there walking.

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I mean, I like move my

schedule around the weather.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker: And so we've had like a

burst of these beautiful days and

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it's not like I'm, I, I know that

running kind of hurts my knee.

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Speaker 2: Mm.

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Speaker: And so, um, I go to

something called Osteostrong.

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I'm, I am like grounding, I'm walking

barefoot after my sauna on the grass.

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Um, I, I just, but yeah, I'm

not restoring, I'm not taking

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a day off of the workouts.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, so, so

there's the, the physical.

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Workout.

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Right?

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But there's also emo

emotional and mental workouts.

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And so, you know, we all live

on these screens, it's flat.

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Speaker: Mm-hmm.

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Speaker 2: Um, we are losing

that, um, spatial empathy and

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we're losing this kind of contact.

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Right.

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So, um, that is something to

consider as well, because when I

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look at somebody's DNA report, so.

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Uh, this is where I bring up DNA.

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Speaker: Yep.

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Speaker 2: In, in that you probably have

genes that need a little extra love,

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that need more time outs, that need, uh,

you know, downtime where you are looking

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out your window at the weather and not

being in the weather or not, you know?

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Right.

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Just kind of not participating

in life because the nervous

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system is so sensitive.

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It's so sensitive and if you're

kind of pushing and, and what

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you think is nor normal, right?

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Like it's normal to work more

than six hours a day on a screen.

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We humans have normalized that, right?

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Speaker: Right.

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But

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Speaker 2: really our brains

have not normalized that.

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So, you know, we're kind of fooling

ourselves by saying, oh yeah, we

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can work eight hours on a screen.

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It's okay, but the mental

load, the exhaustion that

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occurs from your eyes, right?

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Your eyes are taking in 40% of 40%.

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Just think about this for a minute.

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Your brain 40% is used for your ocular.

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Nerve, right?

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Like taking in, right?

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So you're exhausting yourself by being

on a computer for more than two hours.

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So there's that hard stop.

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So I pair that with, you know, then

you're gonna, the grocery store, you're

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playing with, uh, friends and colleagues.

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You've got client reports, like

you're just kind of overdoing it.

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So when I look at somebody's DNA and

they have a super need for downtime,

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it's, it becomes non-negotiable.

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Right, because at the end of the

day, you want to rest better.

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You want to feel alive and well.

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So it's how do we create a

lifestyle where you can take.

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A day off where, you know, like

where you say, you know what?

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Mm, I'm not doing that today.

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It's okay to say no for my best health.

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Speaker: Well, and that's

like the Sabbath, right?

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Like we were That's biblical.

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I mean that's like, we're supposed

to do that, but then my Sunday

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turns into like people coming over.

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Yeah.

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And making a meal.

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And it's so funny because I just told my

husband, I'm like, I think I need a day.

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With nothing where I don't

have to get up for anything.

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Speaker 2: Correct.

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Speaker: I, and do you

need that every week?

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Speaker 2: Yes.

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Well, again, according to your DNA

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Speaker: Yeah,

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Speaker 2: right.

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Your, your blueprint, your plan

is gonna be different than your

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husband's, uh, your best friends.

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Right.

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So it could

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Speaker: be more than a day, you're

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Speaker 2: saying?

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It could be.

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It could be what some people, like, I

have a client that I'm working with today

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and you know, she can only work out,

like work out at a gym six times a month.

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Okay, so then on top of that, her

work life, her work life, this is

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an executive who runs a company.

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I'm like, you, this needs to

change, or your cognitive decline

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is going to start increasing because

your DNA is not gonna change.

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It's, it's, this is it.

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It's gonna express itself.

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So, yeah, it's really, um, helpful to

be able to look at that information

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to make these kinds of bigger

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Speaker: right

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Speaker 2: choices.

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Right.

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Speaker: And I remember

telling you I had a DNA test.

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I need to send it over to you to see

if it matches what, what you did.

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So we can talk more about that.

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But I mean, I think I'm just kind of

proving to myself that I need that.

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What's so interesting is that, um.

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I notice like even like a day when I

don't have a ton of work work and I'm

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doing housework, houseworks, and, and

yard work, which I think I really like.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker: Really stresses me out.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker: I'm like, how is this

stressing me out when I kinda like it?

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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So again, you've already

hit your threshold.

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Speaker: Okay.

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Speaker 2: Okay.

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You're, you've, you've crossed

the line, that's what we call it

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from nervous system perspective

is you're now living in a deficit.

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Speaker: Yes,

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Speaker 2: I'm, and that's

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Speaker: what my ring is telling me.

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Speaker 2: Yes.

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And that is exactly what your

aura ring is telling you.

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That's what your, um, heart rate

variability will be telling you.

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If it starts to sink below 30, when you

starting to get into twenties, right.

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Like you're, you're in trouble because

what's gonna start happening is that

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your or, and I don't wanna say that

to be like you're in trouble and scare

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you, but it's more of a red alert.

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Speaker: Mm-hmm.

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Speaker 2: Right?

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You don't wanna break your nervous system.

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It's not fun.

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Right, right.

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Like I've done it so

you don't wanna do that.

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So,

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Speaker: right.

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Speaker 2: So give yourself

time to rest and restore.

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And maybe, maybe it's painting,

maybe it's doing a hobby.

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Right.

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Maybe it's.

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I think people think, oh, I

have to take a whole day off and

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it's gotta look a certain way.

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Speaker: Mm-hmm.

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Speaker 2: But there's many ways to

find that, um, freedom from stress.

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Speaker: Okay.

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Speaker 2: So again, that,

that could be planting plants.

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Um, you know.

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Speaker: Yeah.

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What's so interesting to me though,

is I feel like I'm not even quite

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sure what is stressing me out.

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I feel like I, I really love my work.

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I don't feel like I'm doing it

too much, so I'm like, mm-hmm.

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Seems weird to me,

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Speaker 2: but again, if you're on the

screen, more than six hours a day and the

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screen is your phone and a device, so that

information will be on your cell phone,

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how much time that you're on, right?

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Um, you're.

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Tired.

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Speaker: Okay.

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Speaker 2: Okay.

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Right.

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So, so again, we think because we just

normalized it, like I can handle this.

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Speaker: Right.

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Speaker 2: But really again, the body,

we just, we're not that far advanced.

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Like we're still prehistoric.

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I mean, you know, we're

not little AI agents.

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Speaker: Right.

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Speaker 2: You know,

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Speaker: and so what you're

saying too is it's possible.

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That I need more downtime

than somebody else.

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And I think that I would have categorized

that as the hyper achiever and the

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people pleaser as not a good thing.

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Speaker 2: Right?

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Speaker: And so I've always pushed,

because when you talked about

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sometimes like I can just stare

outside and lose myself, and then

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I go, wait a minute, come back.

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You gotta keep writing, you get, you know.

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No,

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Speaker 2: no.

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Stay out there

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Speaker: myself, Sarah.

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Speaker 2: Stay out there.

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Speaker: Okay.

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Speaker 2: Yes.

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Speaker: Okay.

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That's good to know.

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So now we've done the little

Lisa coaching segment.

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I'm gonna talk to you more when I'm done

with this podcast, but now let's help.

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Let's help those people who maybe

their spouse just came and said,

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I want a divorce, or they're

like in the throes of it and it's

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super, you know how you're like.

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Scary.

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Like you can't, like we talked about

this before and you said, you know,

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you kinda just have to move your body.

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And I have been in those, and

that's when I do, I just go walk.

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Yeah.

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Or go, I have a trampoline for

my grandkids and I go jump on it.

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Great.

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My husband laughs at me.

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I love the trampoline.

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I'm

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Speaker 2: trampoline's Great.

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Speaker: Yeah.

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People up.

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My daughter drives up the door and

she's like, what are you doing?

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Speaker 2: No.

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And the, and the trampoline is

really great for your nervous system.

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Speaker: So I should be doing that?

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Yeah,

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Speaker 2: you can do that.

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You know, if you wanted to

do that every couple of days.

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Yeah.

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Get on the tramp, do it.

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A mini tramp is fine too.

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If you uhhuh, you know, again, this

woman who is, you know, going through,

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walking through has this surprise,

oh my gosh, we're getting divorced.

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It's, you know, coming back to yourself.

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And so how do we come back to ourself?

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Speaker: How do we,

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Speaker 2: because that, that's

the million dollar question, right?

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How do we come back when we are terrified?

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And we are paralyzed.

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Mm-hmm.

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It is a slow process.

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It is one breath at a time.

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It is making, so I love sharing

with my clients, creating mantras.

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I'm all about creating mantras and

using the mantra with your breath.

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So, um, you know.

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It could really be as

simple as I am alive.

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I am free.

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I am safe.

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Right?

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That could become the mantra, and then

the practice then becomes breathing in.

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I am safe breathing out, letting

go, right, breathing in, I am safe.

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Breathing out, letting go.

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Right?

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And, and this.

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Can happen at any moment.

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Nobody knows that you're, you

know, doing a mantra Right.

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Or taking deep breaths, you know,

but it was, it's good for her to

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just take that, it's a little mini

time out, a little reset, right?

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To kind of get through that moment

of, oh my gosh, my world is ending.

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It's changing.

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I'm locked in, I'm paralyzed.

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If you can rely on a mantra, right,

it can say, what happens is that if

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you start to use the mantra, it starts

to sink into your heart, you know?

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And that journey from the heart to

the head is, it's a long journey

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sometimes, but in the repetition.

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The breath work.

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There's a magic little,

it's, it's, it's magical.

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Um, you can feel the surrender,

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Speaker: the calmness.

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Okay.

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So, okay.

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And we talked about surrender too.

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So you're saying if I've got someone

who's terrified because they had no

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idea, they did not see this coming.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker: And they've got a

divorce thrown at them, if they

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can say, breathe in, I am safe.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker: And breathe out, let go.

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But is there any part.

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You know how sometimes when it's so bad

and you're spinning out, now, I can't say

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that I've tried this during that spin out.

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You know how that is though sometimes.

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Yeah.

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It's like you can't believe any of that.

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You're like, this is, I'm done.

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You know what I mean?

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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The anxiety is too much.

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Speaker: So then so does

the mantra work then?

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You just keep doing it or,

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Speaker 2: yes.

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Yeah.

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The mantra work will always

work, but you have to do it.

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Speaker: Okay.

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Speaker 2: That, that's, that is the,

the different, the differentiator

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right there is that the mind will set

in and say, this isn't gonna work.

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That's not gonna work.

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Speaker: Yes.

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Speaker 2: The, the mind

that's its job, right?

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The, the, it's a part of the ego.

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It's a part of the whole process.

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And, you know, I talk a lot

about training, training the dog.

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You gotta train the puppy

to sit and relax and stay.

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And so the mantra is like giving that

puppy a little bone, a little treat.

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To just calm it and relax it, to get

out of that kind of flight mentality.

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Speaker: Okay.

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This is gonna help me

because this is interesting.

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Yeah.

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Sometimes, sometimes I wake up in,

uh, in the middle of the night and

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I'm super anxious about something.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker: And then I, I keep going back

to a psychologist that I had on who wrote

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a book, said, feel your feelings and

then they will not have a hold on you.

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And I'm like, it's the

middle of the night.

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Speaker 2: No.

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Speaker: And I feel like I.

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I feel like, am I pushing it down?

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Because she said, if you don't

feel it, you're gonna push it down

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and it's gonna pop up somewhere.

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So then I'm like, okay, so I'm, I

have to be sitting here thinking

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about like a kid I'm worried about,

or a grandkid or whatever it is.

407

Mm-hmm.

408

And I have to really feel it.

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But you're saying, I can go

there and say, I am safe.

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Speaker 2: I am safe,

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Speaker: or everything is fine,

or God's got this, or whatever.

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Yeah.

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Speaker 2: God, you could lean

into faith a thousand percent.

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Speaker: God's got this.

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Speaker 2: I think God's

got, this is a wonderful,

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Speaker: mm-hmm.

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Speaker 2: Um, God hold me.

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God heal me.

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God protect me.

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God.

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Speaker: And that's way of surrendering.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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That's the surrender.

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But I think there's something

about this, the feeling, right?

425

Because if, if you're in an.

426

Anxiety provoking moment to feel that even

more deeply in the middle of the night.

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Not great.

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No.

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Speaker: And I mean, you know, like

they say, you wanna run away from it.

430

So when do I deal with that anxiety?

431

Speaker 2: Yeah.

432

Uh, so

433

if I were, you're psychologist or

your therapist or whatever, right?

434

Like, here, here, I, I would

say, you know, you, you feel

435

that out on the trampoline.

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You know, that's more somatic work.

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That is something that you do.

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Speaker: So go out on the trampoline

and go back to where I was in

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the middle of the night and

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Speaker 2: start No, I'm not saying

do in that in the middle of the night.

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During the middle of the night when

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Speaker: No, but I'm saying like,

go back to that thought that

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or that feeling I was having.

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Try to get back there.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker: When I'm on the trampoline,

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Speaker 2: I would do that on

the trampoline and, and you

448

could do it with music as well.

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Speaker: Okay.

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Speaker 2: Just to kind of shake out.

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That emotion from your body.

452

Speaker: Okay, so when this, this,

my practice is gonna be like, you

453

can use those little rebounders.

454

Speaker 2: Yeah.

455

Speaker: So I'm not gonna think

about it in the middle of the night.

456

I'm gonna just say, God's got this,

457

Speaker 2: God's got this,

and you're gonna breathe.

458

You're gonna do a three, five breath.

459

Yeah.

460

Speaker: And then at three, five breath.

461

Okay.

462

And then because I was doing this

thing where I was breathing in

463

to fill my lungs and holding it.

464

Speaker 2: No too much.

465

You're putting your

stress in yourself out.

466

Okay.

467

Speaker: Yeah, no, that's

how I've been breathing.

468

I don't know.

469

I haven't been taught, listen, lean.

470

I'm a big mess, so

471

Speaker 2: it's great.

472

This is, this is great.

473

Speaker: Okay.

474

So I'm gonna go out on the trampoline

and I'm gonna, and I'm going to, every

475

time I go out there, I'm gonna work

to think about those times when I was

476

anxious so that I'm not stuffing it.

477

Speaker 2: Yeah.

478

Speaker: So that I'm feeling it

at a time when I'm supported.

479

Speaker 2: Correct.

480

Speaker: And then that is how.

481

You face those feelings.

482

Speaker 2: Yeah.

483

And when you're facing those feelings,

it's always good to have a mental health,

484

you know, professional around to support

you as well, or a really good friend, or

485

you know, somebody who can witness you.

486

Because a lot of times what I've

discovered is that that anxiety

487

that is a part of you that

wasn't seen or heard or felt.

488

That was ignored.

489

That has not been witnessed.

490

So having a, a third party, and

again, it could be, you know, a best

491

friend who just really loves you.

492

Speaker: Hubby?

493

Hubby.

494

Speaker 2: Am

495

Speaker: I hubby?

496

Speaker 2: Yeah.

497

Yeah.

498

Speaker: Okay.

499

I'll call you.

500

Yeah.

501

Okay.

502

Alright.

503

So for those who don't have a little

rebound or a trampoline, you're saying,

504

Speaker 2: um,

505

Speaker: music

506

Speaker 2: and dancing.

507

Speaker: Music and dancing.

508

Okay?

509

Mm-hmm.

510

You know what's so funny?

511

When I think about this stuff, it's hard.

512

What's so interesting is when

I'm on the trampoline, when I'm

513

dancing with my grandkids, yeah.

514

I don't have those bad feelings.

515

Speaker 2: No, you don't.

516

No.

517

Speaker: So is it gonna be

hard for me to feel them?

518

Speaker 2: No.

519

No.

520

It'll come up because you can

just invite the feeling in, right?

521

Okay.

522

So you can, you turn on the music and, and

just stand there and you can put your hand

523

on your chest, you know, to get centered,

heart centered, you know you are safe.

524

Repeat, do a little mantra.

525

I am safe.

526

This is okay.

527

And then you can, you can invite

yourself back to that moment.

528

Last night I was super anxious in bed.

529

Can I just see that again?

530

Can I just be there with that again?

531

You know, again, the mind

is like, okay, let's go.

532

Speaker: Okay.

533

Speaker 2: It's a little bit

of a troublemaker, right?

534

The mind is like,

535

Speaker: yeah, it is.

536

Speaker 2: Mm-hmm.

537

Mm-hmm.

538

So be ready for it.

539

Speaker: All right.

540

It, it's funny, I can't wait to try

this because I feel like it's gonna

541

be difficult for me to get it back.

542

Speaker 2: I don't know.

543

Speaker: You can just

try it, but I blame you.

544

So I'm gonna,

545

Speaker 2: yeah, just try it.

546

It could be very gentle for you.

547

Right.

548

Okay.

549

It could be very like, uh, rewarding

'cause it could be a different experience

550

where in the middle of the night

there's like a sense of panic almost.

551

Yeah.

552

Right.

553

There's like, what's happening to me?

554

'cause it comes over you, but if you are

inviting it, it's a different perspective.

555

Speaker: I like that.

556

Speaker 2: Mm-hmm.

557

Speaker: Okay.

558

And someone once told me, uh,

I'm take, I'm taking notes.

559

Speaker 2: Yeah.

560

Speaker: Um.

561

Don't judge it

562

Speaker 2: there.

563

There's no, because remember, the mind is

squirrely to make, it's making up stories.

564

It's right, it's making things doom, bill.

565

Speaker: Okay.

566

So this person in particular

that I had on the podcast said,

567

um, don't judge your feelings.

568

Speaker 2: Mm-hmm.

569

Speaker: How is anxiety bad?

570

Speaker 2: Mm-hmm.

571

Speaker: So what he was saying

to me, and I was like, well.

572

Okay.

573

You know, because we do have,

we have, it's 50 50, right?

574

We're not always gonna

feel joyful, peaceful.

575

Mm.

576

Speaker 2: Mm-hmm.

577

Right?

578

Mm-hmm.

579

Speaker: Um, but I was

like, yeah, anxiety.

580

It's not really serving me.

581

I, you know, I mean, it's not, mm-hmm.

582

I don't really like it.

583

Speaker 2: Mm-hmm.

584

Mm-hmm.

585

Speaker: But he said, don't judge it.

586

It's there.

587

Your body's trying to tell you something.

588

Speak to that.

589

Speaker 2: He, well, he's

that, that is truthful.

590

That is a hundred percent.

591

I'm in agreement with that.

592

Speaker: Okay.

593

Speaker 2: Right, because mindfulness

is very, like, that's the whole premise

594

of mindfulness is like, we're not gonna

judge what that tricky mind is doing.

595

We're just gonna kind of

step back and watch it.

596

Right.

597

Okay.

598

It's neither good nor bad.

599

We're gonna let it just

kind of roll off our backs.

600

Like a, like a duck and water.

601

Like just let it poof.

602

Right.

603

We can witness it.

604

And once we begin again, this,

this idea of witnessing the, the

605

emotions is we, we get to recognize

like, oh, where is that from?

606

What, what is that about?

607

Speaker: So is that kind of the next step?

608

So you're, you're in a safe place.

609

You're dancing, you've got music

on, you're on your trampoline, and

610

you invite that icky feeling back.

611

Speaker 2: Yeah.

612

Speaker: Whatever you wanna call it.

613

And then, and then you just don't

judge it and you sit and you watch it.

614

Speaker 2: We're just

615

Speaker: recognizing and then you

say, where, where did this come from?

616

Speaker 2: Yeah.

617

'cause you start to like

investigate it, right?

618

You're just like, Hmm, what is this?

619

Where is this?

620

Speaker: And that's maybe

the story in your head.

621

Speaker 2: Exactly.

622

Speaker: Okay.

623

And then you look at that story, right?

624

Speaker 2: Right.

625

You can look at that story and you can be

like, oh, that's true, or that's not true.

626

And you can come into like some

kind of acceptance around it.

627

Speaker: Yep.

628

Speaker 2: Right?

629

Like, oh, that's interesting.

630

Oh, they ran a red light.

631

I was at the stop sign.

632

Oh.

633

And I was upset about, right.

634

Like, you, you kind of get into this like,

oh, I can just, I can just be with that.

635

Right.

636

Speaker: So I,

637

Speaker 2: and then after you kind

638

Speaker: with that,

639

Speaker 2: be with that, and then

you kind of get into this, this next

640

part of like, okay, I, I'm good.

641

I'm, I can, I'm, what do I need?

642

What do I need?

643

Speaker: I like this.

644

Okay, I'm writing, what do I need?

645

Because I think, I think kind of what

I was taught mm-hmm when I became,

646

um, a life coach was you look at

that story and you go, is it true?

647

Is the first thing.

648

Speaker 2: Mm-hmm.

649

Speaker: And then if it's not

true, then it was like, okay,

650

what's gonna make you not believe?

651

What's gonna make you.

652

Believe what's really true, right?

653

Speaker 2: Mm-hmm.

654

Speaker: And so it was more like kind

of taking action, I guess, in a way.

655

Yeah.

656

Where does action fit into that?

657

Speaker 2: You, you don't need

to take any action, right?

658

The the mind is full of stories.

659

It's gonna create stories because

when, when you're in the place

660

of, um, investigating it, it,

this may be a total fabrication.

661

Speaker: Right,

662

Speaker 2: right.

663

So you, you may not have to do anything,

664

Speaker: so you investigate it.

665

What if it's something that's

true and it's hurting you?

666

Speaker 2: Then when you're in

the kind of the final stages,

667

it's like, what do I need?

668

Speaker: That's what you're saying.

669

What do I need?

670

Okay,

671

Speaker 2: what do I need?

672

What do I need to do?

673

I need to go on more walks.

674

I need to

675

Speaker: come.

676

So that's kind of an action.

677

Speaker 2: So that would be, this is

where your actions start to come in.

678

Right.

679

Okay.

680

But, but it's not necess, it's

sometimes there is no action

681

is what I'm trying to say.

682

Speaker: I hear the, I hear you.

683

Speaker 2: Yeah.

684

But sometimes, but that is where

it kind of happens at the end

685

of all of this investigating.

686

And

687

so

688

Speaker: just saying there's no

action necessary when you look,

689

when you investigate it and realize.

690

That's not even true.

691

Speaker 2: Yeah.

692

Speaker: You don't need

to take any action.

693

Speaker 2: Yeah.

694

You're just like, okay, I can just,

I can dance now every day and be

695

okay, and I'm, this is, it's okay.

696

All right.

697

Right.

698

And, and for somebody who's

going through a divorce, right.

699

Why is he leaving me?

700

Right.

701

Like, what did I do wrong?

702

And when you go through this process,

you can get to this place of, oh,

703

I, I didn't do anything wrong.

704

This is, has nothing to do with me.

705

Speaker: And what if it does

have something to do with you?

706

What if you had an affair?

707

Speaker 2: Right?

708

Well, that's another story, right?

709

Then.

710

Then it's like, okay, what,

where, what's the, is there

711

restitution that needs to be made?

712

Are there amends that

I need to come up with?

713

Speaker: Okay.

714

Speaker 2: Yeah.

715

I.

716

Speaker: Okay, so,

717

Speaker 2: so what will become

very clear in this process, right?

718

During this process, it becomes

crystallized, and this doesn't

719

happen in one single session.

720

This happens over a series of

moments and series of time.

721

Speaker: You think like we're just like,

I think when I'm 90 years old, I'm still

722

gonna be pack in the lane going, okay,

I'm a little bit of a nutter today.

723

Speaker 2: Right, right.

724

It's like, yeah.

725

It's like we, again, we, we we're in

this like society where everything's

726

like, quick, I want the answers now.

727

Speaker: Mm-hmm.

728

Speaker 2: You know, I was teaching

this week, uh, and I had a, a

729

client and she's like, I just,

I need to know why I'm eating.

730

I'm like, okay.

731

This is gonna take more than just

one session, but why am I snacking?

732

I keep snacking.

733

You know, it just, it's like I wanna, you

know, and she's like, I want a solution.

734

I want to get out of this.

735

Yes.

736

Right.

737

She's like, I gotta get to it.

738

And I'm like, there's so much more here.

739

So just allow yourself

to unfold just slowly.

740

Speaker: Okay.

741

Now I gotta ask you about this.

742

Yeah.

743

Of the snacker.

744

Mm-hmm.

745

Why am I snacking?

746

How do you work through that?

747

So I'm like looking at like, if you're,

because this is all about, let's just have

748

a better life after this divorce, right?

749

Yes.

750

Speaker 2: Yes.

751

Speaker: And so you're, you've helped

us through what we're gonna do.

752

When we get hit with

something really heavy

753

Speaker 2: mm-hmm.

754

Speaker: We're gonna put music

on, we're gonna dance, we're

755

gonna go on the trampoline.

756

I'm gonna say it again.

757

We're gonna witness the emotions,

the, the ones that we maybe let

758

go at night through our mantra.

759

Mm-hmm.

760

We're gonna witness those, and then we're

gonna look at where did that come from.

761

Speaker 2: Mm-hmm.

762

Speaker: Right.

763

And then we're gonna look at the

story, and then if that story is

764

true, we're gonna say, what do I need?

765

Mm-hmm.

766

Speaker 2: It doesn't need to be true.

767

Right?

768

It it's true or false.

769

Remember, we're not like, we're

just kind of, what do I need?

770

Yeah.

771

Speaker 2: What do I need?

772

What, what do I need to support myself in

773

this?

774

Speaker: And so that kind of

does go parallel with that, what

775

that other coach was telling me

776

Speaker 2: Yes.

777

Speaker: About not judging.

778

Speaker 2: Yes.

779

Speaker: Um, those feelings

because you're taking care of your.

780

Speaker 2: Correct.

781

Speaker: And you're going, what do I need?

782

And, you know, lean, it's just like

when you, when you talk about judging

783

your own feelings, I just think Yeah.

784

And let's not judge other people either.

785

Right.

786

I hate it when I judge.

787

I keep, I just like, oh, I

don't wanna do it anymore.

788

Mm-hmm.

789

You know?

790

Mm-hmm.

791

Mm-hmm.

792

And I catch myself doing that.

793

So it's just an awareness

all around to let that go.

794

Speaker 2: Yeah, it's

all about the awareness.

795

Yes.

796

But that isn't an internal dialogue

that you know, that we have to cultivate

797

Speaker: why?

798

And then, but then I do

the, why am I judging them?

799

Dang.

800

Speaker 2: Where's that coming from?

801

Wait a minute.

802

Speaker: That's like, why am I snacking?

803

So how do you work through that?

804

Speaker 2: Mm-hmm.

805

Speaker: Like, see, I, I feel like

I don't wanna be a judger anymore.

806

Yeah.

807

I don't wanna judge people.

808

I just wanna love them.

809

Speaker 2: It it takes, it takes work.

810

It does take work.

811

That's an internal.

812

It takes time.

813

Right.

814

So I'm thinking about this one

client that I have right now who's

815

snacking, and at the end of the

day, it is about like, letting go

816

of the judgment around snacking.

817

It's about letting go of the

story on why I'm snacking.

818

Like she's got a lot of things going on.

819

Uh, and it's, it's not gonna go away in,

you know, two sessions, three sessions,

820

like this is, we're, we're, this is a.

821

A big idea here, and

people don't realize that.

822

They're like, oh, it's just snacking.

823

Meanwhile, I'm gaining weight.

824

Her knees hurt.

825

She's not sleeping well at night.

826

Like there's a lot of things that are

occurring and this, this idea around

827

snacking just kind of like poof came up.

828

She was like, oh, I'm snacking.

829

It didn't even occur to her.

830

So even that was a big win.

831

That's

832

Speaker: a huge awareness.

833

Speaker 2: Yeah.

834

That was a big, big win.

835

Speaker: I remember when my

coach told me to stop snacking.

836

I, I got back the next week and I'm like,

well, I felt like I lost my best friend.

837

Speaker 2: Yeah, right.

838

Speaker: Like, just

have a little nuts here.

839

I mean, healthy stuff.

840

Right, right,

841

Speaker 2: right.

842

Yeah.

843

Speaker: Yeah.

844

Oh, interesting.

845

Speaker 2: Mm-hmm.

846

Speaker: But okay, so, so what I,

when I, when as I'm talking to you

847

and I'm, I'm talking to you about,

I don't wanna judge people anymore.

848

Speaker 2: Yeah.

849

Speaker: Anymore.

850

So what I'm gonna do is when

I'm dancing or I'm out on that

851

trampoline, I'm gonna go back to that.

852

How did I feel when I caught,

you know, when I saw myself

853

judging, it didn't feel good.

854

Speaker 2: Correct.

855

Speaker: Didn't feel love.

856

I didn't feel like love.

857

No.

858

And so I'm gonna go back to that feeling

and I'm gonna go through those four

859

beautiful steps that I've restated twice.

860

So I put 'em in the show notes, but I

861

Speaker 2: want, it's really

it like that first one, the

862

acknowledgement, oh, I'm judging.

863

Speaker: Yeah.

864

Speaker 2: Just that alone kicks off.

865

The awareness.

866

Right.

867

It kicks off this awa opening to change.

868

Speaker: Mm-hmm.

869

Speaker 2: But the, the critical thing

here is that I want your listeners to

870

hear is that you don't really know if

that's gonna change in, in two weeks or

871

a month, or maybe it takes you a year

to work through, because judging is a

872

characteristic that's probably saved

your life over and over and over again.

873

Right.

874

Speaker: Okay.

875

Speaker 2: So we have to really

look at these characteristics.

876

Or whatever the behavior is and

kind of get grateful for it.

877

At the same time, it's like,

878

Speaker: okay, I like what you're

saying because that could be instinct.

879

Speaker 2: This is a really good tool.

880

This is something that I have

used for a lot of my life.

881

Now I'm looking at it through

a different lens and judging

882

doesn't work anymore for me.

883

Speaker: Right.

884

Speaker 2: So how can I use this?

885

Or how do I need to change

or, or what do I need from it?

886

Speaker: Well, or there could be times

when maybe I do need that judgment

887

Speaker 2: Yes.

888

Speaker: To save me.

889

Speaker 2: Yeah.

890

Speaker: You know, you, you don't know.

891

Speaker 2: Correct.

892

Speaker: That's so interesting.

893

I love that.

894

So, so it's kind of being aware.

895

Speaker 2: Yep.

896

Speaker: And just loving,

897

Speaker 2: yeah.

898

Speaker: Through the judgment.

899

Speaker 2: Yeah.

900

Speaker: Okay.

901

Yeah, I love that.

902

Speaker 2: And, and that's why this, you

know, this kind of work is, it takes time.

903

Speaker: Yeah.

904

Speaker 2: It just takes time.

905

It, it's not, you know, it's life.

906

It's life work.

907

Speaker: It is life work.

908

Speaker 2: It's life work.

909

And when you're going through a divorce

or going through hard things, you know,

910

this is life changing, it's life affirming

911

Speaker: and what I wanna say.

912

Is for my clients

913

Speaker 2: mm-hmm.

914

Speaker: Is their life.

915

They really are gonna get to

the point where they look back

916

and go, wow, this is way better.

917

Speaker 2: Yeah.

918

Speaker: Even though you're like.

919

Rats.

920

I didn't wanna go through that.

921

Dang.

922

I wish I could have

learned it a different way.

923

Speaker 2: Right, right.

924

Speaker: You know what I mean?

925

But you are gonna look back and go, I'm

so thankful for what I learned and where I

926

am, and that is what I want for everybody.

927

Speaker 2: Yeah.

928

Speaker: Um, who I work with

and who's listening to this.

929

Yeah, so, and Lane, I went over time.

930

Speaker 2: Oh.

931

Speaker: But I just, I so appreciate you.

932

I love having you on.

933

I'd love to have you on again and anytime

get my DNA, because I think what I wanna

934

do is kind of come back and do this work.

935

Mm-hmm.

936

Speaker 2: And

937

Speaker: tell you how things are looking.

938

Speaker 2: Yeah.

939

Yeah.

940

You

941

Speaker: know,

942

Speaker 2: anytime.

943

Speaker: All

944

Speaker 2: right.

945

We could do it.

946

It'd be super fun.

947

Speaker: It would.

948

I think we should have a little

recap on Lisa, on the trampoline and

949

how I work through some feelings.

950

I know, right?

951

Right.

952

Speaker 2: Yes.

953

I'd love that.

954

We

955

Speaker: can prove it.

956

We can prove that it works.

957

Speaker 2: Oh, it's awesome.

958

Speaker: Alright, lean.

959

Thank you.

960

God bless you.

961

Thanks so much for being here.

962

Speaker 2: Thanks for having me.

963

Speaker: Oh, I love you.

964

That was.