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What happens when childhood dreams of working for National Geographic take an unexpected turn? Meet Stevee, a remarkable family photographer whose journey from aspiring photojournalist to successful local photographer is nothing short of inspiring. Starting with her high school passion for film photography, Stevee's career has had its share of twists and turns, including a move to Charleston and a return home to teach pre-K. Her story takes a heartwarming twist with the birth of her son, Forrest, reigniting her love for photography and setting the stage for a thriving business uniquely adapted to Erie’s climate. Tune in to discover how Stevee's distinct style sets her apart in the local scene.

Balancing work and family is never easy, and Stevee shares her candid experiences navigating this complex terrain. From the importance of establishing a schedule to managing the guilt of not immediately responding to clients' messages, she offers valuable insights for anyone juggling professional and personal responsibilities. Hear her thoughts on setting boundaries and compartmentalizing time to ensure both work and family receive the attention they deserve. Stevee's transparency about the challenges of work-from-home life provides a relatable and supportive narrative for fellow parents.

In addition to her professional journey, Stevee opens up about the emotional aspects of motherhood and the importance of self-care. She emphasizes reclaiming a sense of identity through hobbies, exercise, and setting personal boundaries. Stevee’s candid discussion on the realities of early parenthood, including the baby blues and the pressures of hosting visitors, offers a comforting perspective for new parents. By prioritizing her well-being, Stevee discovered that a happier self means a happier family, a message that resonates universally. Join us for an episode filled with heartfelt stories, practical advice, and a reminder that self-care is essential for everyone.

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Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/steveeelchynskiphoto/

Website: https://steveeelchynskiphoto.com/

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Okay.

Welcome to my podcast, Stevie.

I'm so happy to have you here.

So Stevie and I have known each other for a good handful of years now.

I took family photos for you when I had Delilah.

Maybe Miles was like a baby.

Oh, my gosh.

Yeah.

So four years ago.

Yeah, he was a fresh one.

So I got to meet you through your journey because you were dabbling into photography when I first met you.

Now you're, like, full on.

And I'm really excited to have you here.

I feel like you've done a lot of things to inspire people to try new things that they haven't before, and that's really awesome.

And I'm excited to have you here because I know your journey didn't start with photography.

Like, you worked as a whole mom, and you just jumped into it.

I know.

So please tell me, like, where does your story start?

Go take us back a little, Rosa.

Say, how far back do we want to go?

As far as you'd like.

Oh, gosh.

Okay.

I guess when I started photography, this was like, high school for me.

And I started with a film camera.

Okay.

And I was like, I love this, and I want to do this forever.

And I remember telling my parents, like, I want to go be a photojournalist and work for National Geographic.

Okay.

That's, like, where I was like, that's where we're going.

And I went and toured the Art Institute when it was still in Pittsburgh, looked at their photography program, and my parents were, like.

Had to pull the reins back a little bit.

And I do love them very much, but I think they were nervous to let me go and do something like that.

And I.

Not that they ever told me this.

It was.

That's a pretty specific job, and I don't know if you're gonna get hired to do that specific job.

So I ended up in Edinburgh for a little bit, and I was doing.

Because then my plan was, I'm gonna move to a big city and work in a museum and be.

And be an art curator.

So that was my plan B.

Then that.

That kind of fell out.

Fell away.

So then plan C.

I moved to Charleston, South Carolina, because I was like, we just.

We need to change the scenery.

And I was gonna go to school down there.

That did not happen.

Ended up moving back here, and then I got a teaching degree.

So I was teaching pre K.

And then that's where I was when I got pregnant with Forrest.

And once I had him, he was early, so he was 34 weeks.

And that changed Kind of my plan to be on maternity leave and then go back.

And I remember, like, looking at Brian, and I was like, I don't think I can go back to work.

I don't feel comfortable putting him in a daycare.

And I just.

I'm not feeling passionate about teaching anymore.

And he was like, okay, we'll make it work.

And then that was that.

And then after a little while of me being home, we had another conversation, and he was like, what if there's something you could do, like, on the side that could bring in a little bit of income?

So, like, it's flexible, but just a little bit.

And so I was like.

Like, him hawing around.

I was like, maybe I could nanny.

Maybe I could do this.

Maybe I could do that.

And I actually had a family friend reach out, and she was like, hey, you take pictures, don't you?

And I'm like, yeah, I take pictures, but of my.

My.

My child.

And.

And she's.

I want you to take some of my.

My family and my kids.

And I remember.

I was like, oh, I've never taken other people's family photos before.

And she said, no, it's fine.

We'll pay you.

And I was, you're not gonna pay.

Like, I want her to take your dollars.

Yes.

I was like, please don't pay me.

You can buy me a cup of coffee or something.

Anyways, I went, and it was at Frontier park.

And we were on the bridge.

Yeah.

And I did it.

And I remember leaving, and I just felt like I had this little, like, spark.

I was like, this could be really fun.

Like, maybe I need to look into this a little bit more.

And then things just snowballed from there.

And then now we're here.

Now we're here.

Now we're here.

Started with the spark on the bridge.

Yes.

At the good old Frontier Park.

Oh, my gosh.

If you're an EAPA native, you know that Frontier park is a very popular place to shoot pictures.

It's.

It's so funny.

It's been so great to be able to sit back.

I didn't know all that about you traveling, wanting to do all these things.

It was fun to hear that, and it's so cool, because where you are now, you've built it so much bigger.

You have adapted to our area very well, too, because you have a studio where you have a place to shoot anytime during the year.

And if you're from Erie or you just know Erie, it was one of the snowiest cities.

Yes.

It's not fun to Shoot outside for a half an hour when it's negative degrees out.

So I loved that you've done that and you've taken family photography to a new level that most people haven't, which is in this area especially, like, people are doing a lot of the similar things.

There's a lot of light and eerie.

There was a lot of deep, moody.

We'll just really felt like your colors were deep and you were making them rich.

And so people weren't used to seeing that.

So I feel like that was a beautiful introduction to you.

Once you really, like, were like, I'm committed.

And people are like, give me more.

And they got more as you were saying.

So you dove into this when Forrest was how old at this point?

So he was probably.

He.

It was before he was one.

So within the first year after he was born.

Yeah, so I would say he was born.

Did you notice anything being harder than you thought it would be because you had him around or even like when you had Forest and Miles when you were in your beginning phases?

See, I feel.

Not that photography doesn't feel fun, but I was really excited about it and I was able to do more because it was just Forest and he was my just easy, tag along little buddy.

And he's very go with the flow.

So he.

I'm like, oh, I'm gonna dress you up and we're gonna go in this field and take your picture.

And he was like, my little.

We're gonna go take some pictures and, mommy, you're gonna sit here for me.

So I feel I was doing a lot of.

It was more just, hey, can I take your picture?

Like, I had friends or like someone's niece was wanted.

Senior pictures.

So all very, like, very random things I was taking photos of and, like, lots of it.

I guess more time is weird with.

I'm trying to, like, think of the timeline.

And that was like my, okay, now I'm ready to charge money for what I'm doing and get a little bit more serious with it.

Ooh, yeah.

It's so fitting that he did that to your first.

My Niece.

Yeah.

Like it.

Poor child.

So much.

And I.

You know why?

Because I think I was comfortable with that, seeing as, like, I'm taking pictures of my children.

So that's always been really important to me to make sure those moms have those pictures with their kids.

Because I love our partners, but they are not always the best at snapping photos.

Yeah.

And it's funny because my husband has a book, Julian Pictures with the Kids.

And I think I have a few because we're the photo takers.

Especially if you're a photographer, you're like, smile.

I'm always, like, in their face.

And like.

Like, we were at the children's museum today, and I was like, let me take your picture playing with these balls.

True.

Okay.

So you now have kids that are.

So you have one at home still and one was in school this past year.

Yes.

How was that?

Before?

They were both, like, when Forest wasn't in school, how were you struggling?

Oh, my gosh.

How were you juggling working from home and having the kids around?

Yeah, I feel like I was not juggling.

And that was really stressful.

I ended up Brian, he built me this little makeshift desk, and I put it downstairs on our first floor so I could basically be in my living room where they're playing but also working at the same time.

And then you sit down and start to do something.

Then they're mom.

And so then I would be working when he got home from work.

But then it's like we weren't ever all together at the same time.

So I actually ended up hiring, like, a helper for the house.

And so she would come over for a few hours, like a couple times a week.

And she didn't leave with the boys, but I would be like, all I need you to do is occupy them so I can sit uninterrupted.

And then she would do a craft with them, go play with them, go in the garden with them.

And that helped so much during the busy season at least, because it was more manageable during slow season.

You're not like, yeah, keeping up with everything.

Yeah.

I was just going to say that was a huge help that we or I decided to reach out.

And I was like, hey, is anyone available to come hang out with my kids?

You know, it's funny, it's.

You don't always need your kids to disappear.

You just need to not bother you.

Yes.

And when I have my mom come over, that's exactly what happens.

I will come in and I can go in and out, but I need to go in and out when I need to go in and out.

Not constant.

Can you open this juice?

Can you give me the snack?

Can you turn this TV on?

Can you do this?

Can you do that?

And it's.

That's my mom that she takes my kids, puts them in the living room.

I can be here but if I need to go out or I want to go out, I can.

And okay, so I love that you took the initiative to do that.

And how long did you do that for?

Probably until he went to school.

So she was here for that summer into fall and then things slowed down with me so I was like that's fine.

And then she started traveling.

So then when things picked up again, one of my clients who's actually a teacher is home for the summer and she was like, hey, I can take the boys in the morning for a couple days a week.

So they ended up I would drop them off and then I would go work at Pressed and then I would go pick them up.

Yeah.

Oh, love that.

That's.

Yeah.

So what during that time or even now, what have you implemented into your day to day?

What is your weeks?

That is a non negotiable to maintain the balance of my kids I've been paid attention to, but also my business because it does change day to day.

I know it's like I honest and.

I'll be honest with you, right now I'm not doing a great job at that.

Only because this summer we did not have any childcare.

They're just wasn't family or friends or sitters available for like when I needed them.

I am on a struggle bus a little bit.

What I'm doing right now is I just make sure that we are maintaining a schedule because if there's no schedule then I feel like I'm not in control and we all just do better.

I say we all.

Me and my two kids, Brian could.

He could do whatever.

He could do whatever.

So me and the boys, we do much better with this schedule.

So now like we wake up, we have breakfast, I go to the gym with them.

When we come home, they know mom's going to work on her computer for a little bit.

So they've just been going to the playroom and they'll play and.

But they're four and almost seven so like they can be independent and fend for themselves.

I'm still getting interrupted but it's not as bad as when they're like itty bitty crawling around and oh, the schedule thing.

I know that seems so simple but you Say it out loud.

But it is so hard to set up something because you could quickly be thrown off track and never get back to it.

So their schedule, like you have it where you're like, these are my work hours.

We do this on this day, we do that on that day.

But these are always my work hours.

And the kids get used to that and they know what to expect.

And you know, that's your attention.

And when you need to divide your attention, you need to divide your attention from them in work.

And then when you come back to them.

Yeah, that's so important.

Knowing when you can give your kids attention and when you need to be stepped away.

Yeah.

And then come fall for us, is in school full time.

But then Miles goes Monday, Wednesday, Friday, full days.

So I am looking so forward to that because I'm only going to be working Monday, Wednesday and Friday.

And then.

Yes.

And you can really like, it's.

I tell people the only thing that's attractive about a 9 to 5 is that you can come compartmentalized work is work.

You come home in your home.

She want to have those days where you like, these are my working days.

Non negotiables.

And then other days are family days.

Yes.

Yes.

I'm sure the kids will love that too, right?

Yeah, they will.

And you get it.

Like, I think when you are work from home, you know, you're always available to your clients and whether that be like they're messaging you on Instagram or Facebook or texting you.

And it's really hard to not respond because you see it and you're like, oh.

But then that.

Doing that so often gets really mentally draining.

Yes.

Or you look at it and then you're like, oh, I'll respond later.

And then it gets lost in the mix.

Yes.

And it's one of those things where I get a notification.

If I just answer it now, then it's done with and I'll have to deal with it later.

But it's.

But then you're taking away from the time that you designated to do something else.

So it's.

Yeah.

Sometimes hard.

It's a balancing act.

And I, again, I'm not perfect because I was answering emails while I was at the children's museum today because I felt like anxious about some of them that I felt like I had to respond.

So again, that's just something I have to work on too, is like, they can wait a day.

It's not life or death.

No.

I'm so bad because I will read something and forget about it and Then I get all those emails, newsletters and whatever and stacks on top.

And then people are like, you responding in five days, Are you still doing my session?

I'm like, oh, yeah.

And I'm like, it's one of those things.

But do you have any boundaries that you set in place for when you are very like, oh, I guess I know that there's times where I'm like, someone won't answer me.

I'm like, I'm not answering that because I'm spending time with my kids.

Other than the ones that give you stress and anxiety, I literally, I'm the same way.

I'm like, okay, let me get this off my chest, because I don't want to deal with this.

But do you have times where you, like, I guess, enforce boundaries with clients even?

Oh, yeah.

I think I've definitely gotten a lot better about.

If I'm going to reply, I'll say, hey, would you mind emailing me so I can answer this for you when I'm back at my desk tomorrow?

So I've been one, like, I always.

Email is better because it's in there and I go through everything and make sure that everything's answered.

So.

And then two, I've been saying when I'm back at my desk.

So while I'm on Instagram, that doesn't mean I'm working.

And I think that's hard for people to like, non.

I guess just non photographers or in our line of work, they don't understand that you're on, you're online.

Why can't you answer this?

Yeah, but I might be like, in my garden and I'm like.

Or something like that.

Or like at the children's museum and I'm just taking a video.

That doesn't mean I'm at my desk physically with my calendar opened.

Oh, I love the at the desk one because it sets that extra tone of boundary of I will respond, but when I'm doing this, not when I'm in my garden or when I'm doing this or when I'm doing that.

Yeah.

Do you deserve to have a life where you're not answering emails while you're at a restaurant and doing things that you want to be present for.

Yes.

And I think I did have.

I felt guilty for a while.

Oh, maybe I shouldn't share this on my story because people are going to be like, why isn't she editing my gallery?

Why isn't she doing this?

Or why isn't she doing this?

And it's.

I always send off galleries before deadline.

So I don't know why I get so nervous about that, that people are, like, working.

Do you.

And you said you feel guilty about that.

Do you have, like, mom guilt when it comes to.

So you feel, like, guilty sometimes because, like, clients see you doing other things when they're like, Wisdom Gallery, and I've been a client.

I've been a consumer of yours.

You are very speedy.

So I wouldn't say that you're not.

But do you feel any.

Or what emotions do you have with your.

Feel potentially with your family and work?

Do you have.

I think that when people think of the work life balance, they think of it as a 50, 50 thing, but it's not, because sometimes my family needs 90% of me, and my work is getting 10%, or sometimes my work is getting 75% of me and my family's only getting 25% of me.

And I think it just ebbs and flows.

I do feel guilty because I.

Brian, he works six to two, he can come home and he gets to be dad.

And he's.

I'm gonna go take him to the playground.

And I'm like, oh, cool, I have to edit.

So I'm sitting here, so I.

I feel like I guess I miss out on things.

And I know that I can tell when they need my attention because you know how kids are.

They're like, super whiny or needy or they're like.

Miles will sit under my desk while I'm editing, and he'll just be staring at me.

And I'm like, okay, buddy, we finish this off.

Yes.

And I'm like, guys, I just.

And I tell them, I'm like, I think it's hard for them to also realize.

They understand that, okay, dad leaves and he goes to work, and he's working, and time is, again, irrelevant to them.

They don't understand that.

But I'm home, so I'm available.

At least I can.

They're like a client.

I'm home.

And they're like, why are you not paying attention to me?

And it's a hard thing for them.

Like you said, they have no concept of time.

So even if you're gone for 20 minutes or, like, you've been gone forever, even it's like, it's been 20 minutes.

Yeah, it's hard.

Especially, like, I'm a partner who also goes to work and then comes home, and it's.

We all feel.

I feel like, especially as a mom who's dividing her time unevenly, like you said, it's not 50, 50.

And that's what I always try to tell people when I say a friend.

My balance changes day to day.

Mm.

It's the balancing act of what?

Of a hundred is my family getting and what is my work getting.

And I decide that each day.

It's a daily practice.

And when it's nice outside, my kids get me more.

When it's me, maybe we go do something out of the house to get their energy out, and then we come home and it's relaxing for you and work for me and.

But you deserve balance not only with your kids and your husband and your family, but yourself.

I know you are big on exercising.

Is that something you wish you would have implemented earlier?

Tell me about.

Yeah, Okay.

I guess I can.

And I know any moms who are listening to this will get this.

But you have your kids, and while you're little, you're just in it, in being the motherhood and everything else gets prioritized and you're just like, boom on the bottom.

Because we have to make sure everyone else is taken care of.

And especially if you are working, you're doing a million things.

And I'm talking like, even, like shower, like little things.

Right?

Just to take a shower is.

I have to make sure this is done and that the kids are here and the dog.

So everything.

So I do feel like in the beginning and like, when I was like, coming out of, like, the baby stage into trying to become this not new person, but it was like, you have to, like, bind yourself again, if that makes sense.

That's when I.

I remember, like, I looked at myself in the mirror and I was just like, no, we're not happy.

And it wasn't.

It wasn't even like how I looked.

It is how I felt.

Yeah, you will soon recognize yourself, but you're not the same person you were before kids.

You were the same person while you were in the trenches with the kids.

It changes so quickly and so often.

Ashley Blaine Featherson.

And so, yeah, like you said, you look in the mirror and you're like, I don't feel like I have an identity.

No, you don't.

It's really weird and it's very strange, and I don't think it's talked about enough, especially with.

I don't know who would talk to you about it.

I was one of the first people in my then friend group to have kids, so I felt like I didn't.

I don't know, they didn't get it because they can be there and be supportive.

But, like, until you go through it you, like, don't understand.

And it was just a really weird time for me.

And that's when I, like, made the decision, like, okay, if you want to be a good mom and a good wife, you need to start putting yourself first.

I know what I mean.

And that's hard because other things then are getting pushed back and then you have the mom guilt.

Right.

So it's like you have all these, like, hurdles you have to get over.

Yeah.

To feel like, okay, I can do this for myself.

So going to the gym was, like, one of the big things for me because it allowed me to get out of the house.

I can put the kids somewhere where they're being watched, but I get my me time.

And that was just really helpful in just changing, like, how I looked at myself and, like, getting a positive attitude about doing more things for myself.

So it was like, okay, if I could do this and it's working out, then what else can I do for, like.

That's when I started reading again.

And I literally.

I used to read so much, like, high school, college, pre kids, and then boom, nothing.

Because there's no time.

Right?

Yeah.

So I guess this is also a boundary I implemented.

I would stay up way too late editing and working, like, way too late.

So now it's as I'm not shooting a session.

I'm like, no computer work after 8pm Like, I want to get my book and go lay in bed.

Yeah, yeah.

As you should.

And it's not something that you should feel guilty about, but a lot of us feel, oh, I have this free time.

I should use it to work.

Especially as entrepreneurs, a lot of our work is in our space where we live.

So people are like, why can't you just hop on your computer real quick and do this for me?

It's not real quick.

It's going to serve so much more than just you like your family because you are more happy and you are taking care of yourself and then your marriage, because now you are okay with maybe doing more dates together alone.

And then your kids, not the kids, will still love you if they don't have you for two hours on a Friday night.

You know, you still love you, they'll still be there.

And.

And it's funny because I say this and I know how important it is.

I went to the gym with you for a minute, and I quickly didn't because I was like, that's my time to work.

That's the only time I have my mom.

But my kids were also a little younger.

Didn't Love the daycare situation.

Like, we're going to try that again.

But they weren't loving that.

So that immediately gave me anxiety and immediately gave me the way out.

I was like, okay, so I can't do that.

I have to leave my home with mom.

I stayed home with my mom, and then as soon as I got back, I only had an hour or two left to do work.

And I was like, that's not enough time, because when I get home, they're gonna want a snack, they're gonna want this, and I'm not gonna get to do that.

So I made all the excuses for myself.

But truly, I could have still done it if I just committed to it.

But you deserve the time to do that, right?

And it.

And it's because you said you didn't recognize yourself in more ways and just.

It wasn't necessarily just what looks and feels.

I remember vividly driving home from summer when I had just had my second, and I looked in the mirror, and I was like, I didn't even recognize myself.

And it wasn't even like that I looked that much different.

But there were just new things happening.

But also, you look a little different, like you had a baby, and then all of a sudden, you lose that baby water in your face.

And you're like, whoa.

And you're like, I didn't date anything.

And I was in my face a little, and I think my nose got smaller just because my nose went wider when I was pregnant.

I was like, who is this?

I was like, yeah.

I mean, even if physical changes that you go through, being pregnant and then having a baby and getting pregnant again and then having a baby, that's hard in itself.

And to be okay with all of the changes that happen, I still feel like there's things I'm insecure about.

I'm very proud of my body and the things that it's done.

And I try not to take that for granted, but it's still an insecurity for me.

Yeah, insecurities are interesting because they don't ever.

Even if you got to this goal, let's say, boom, this is exactly what I want to be.

Like, find something else that might not sit right.

And it's not that you hate yourself or anything, but there's so much comparison out there.

Like, clothes these days.

Where's the other half?

Like, we pick them up, and we're like, oh, I love this shirt.

Wait, where's the rest of it?

Even, like, go past my belly button.

And as much as, yeah, I'd love To rock that.

But I also just had a baby.

So now you're stuck shopping at Boss Cobs or JCPenney's and it's.

I would like fun clothes still.

And I don't even think I wanted.

I don't even think I, like, did anything.

I was.

I think I rebounded a little bit after Forest.

Better.

But then Miles was a Covid baby because he was born, and then two weeks later, the world shut down.

So that was just like, wow in itself.

Right.

So I don't think I dressed in anything like butt leggings and like, a baggy shirt for a year.

Because we didn't do anything.

Yes.

We didn't have to.

You're like, no one see me anyway, so.

Yeah.

And I remember I was like, oh, my sister and Rocks wanted to do new headshots.

And I was like.

I remember going to my closet and I was like, none of this stuff's gonna fit me.

What am I gonna do?

What?

And that actually, that was one of the moments that I had my leg.

Okay.

And not that I'm like, I don't wanna turn this into a body thing, but, like, being healthy and being active is just important to me because I want to be able to keep up with my kids.

And that is a priority for me.

And to show them, like, why that's important, like, to eat healthy and stay active.

And I want them to have a good role model for that.

That was.

I do remember that being one of those moments where I said, we need to do something about this.

Yeah.

You were just not healthy.

I was not making healthy choices.

You know what?

It's funny you say that, because I was my lowest weight ever after my second, But I was eating like it had nothing to do with what I looked like.

I actually prefer my body now postpartum than I did when I had my daughter and was at my lowest.

And it's not even a badge of honor.

It was just like.

Yeah, it was truly.

My body was surviving because I had two under two.

I barely ate because I was busy feeding them and I would get their leftovers and.

And then I was like, chasing them around.

And then, like, when I did have a good meal, it wasn't filling me up because now my body has gotten so used to having so little and feeding off so little.

I was never finishing meals that I would have done even previously.

Yeah.

Not always, like, about what size you are.

It's feel good.

Like, right now I want to eventually get back into the exercising so that I feel strong.

I feel Healthy, I feel good.

It's not about.

I don't care what my numbers are on the scale.

I don't keep.

If I can't shop at the stores I did when I was 15.

It's more of, this is how you.

Feel on the inside.

And that will.

And that goes from the inside out.

When you feel good, you look good because you carry yourself with confidence and pride.

Exactly.

And I think, like, I've seen this quote on Instagram floating around, and it's.

Everyone says, I would die for my kids, but no one's saying, why don't we live for our kids?

That's.

And I felt like I.

I felt really like I could.

I don't know, I just felt really called to that quote because I'm like, that's exactly how I'm feeling.

That's.

There's a guy I saw on TikTok that like, they showed like the hallway that they live.

They like going to an ador or something.

And he was probably like, I think she said he was like £300.

And he looked like he was.

He.

You could see it.

And he.

Then the next shot was him like.

And it was dad Zafco when he was living for his kids.

The next one was like him looking thin muscles again.

But it was more so, like, the clips were his energy around his kids.

Like, they were running around the yard together and they were doing fun activities and he was jumping and running and all this fun stuff.

And it's like, it's so hard when you're in the trenches.

Truly, the first three years, really, I feel like our survival and focusing on your kids and it's like the first three years of the motherhood period.

I feel like you go through the reset every time you have a baby, but you're so new.

Everything is brand spanking new.

And that is your.

You almost need to take care of your mental first and everything else gets put on the back and then your kids are your focus.

And then slowly you start coming to life again.

It's that journey every time.

Oh, do I deserve time to myself?

Because then I'm leaving my kids and they might want me.

They're okay with dad.

They'll be okay.

Oh, I know, right?

And I think too, having a good support group, like I said, I was like one of the first people to have kids in my friend group.

So I feel like it got smaller and small where the boys were a little older, but I found my group of people who I can just.

They're my village.

Right.

They will parent My kids, when I'm around and help, you know what I mean?

I would trust them with my life, with their lives.

And they get it, right?

Like they.

Some of them work.

Some of them are working photographers.

And it's good to have those, I don't know, like minded where at least like where they can understand you.

And sometimes I'm like, I just need to vent.

Let me just say this.

I don't even need you to give me a response, but I just.

Let me just vent to you.

And they're like, okay.

And that's maybe that's just what you need.

And it's funny because not always do we want response when we're mentic.

Maybe it's just to spit it out and then engagement.

But I feel like people that don't know the exact thing that we're going through or can't relate have more to say on it than those that can.

Which is interesting because I feel like they want to be a part of the conversation.

So they just tried to.

Because they don't understand.

Not a bad thing.

But it's like finding that village of people where you can say something and they just gotcha.

Yeah.

Are they like, I see you and your feelings are valid.

I just need to hear that.

Yes, yes.

Oh, how many times I would kill for that.

Having someone just say, yep, I get it.

I see you.

And because they've been through it or they know it too.

They know it very well.

What would you say to someone who is struggling to find their village or struggle to find the courage to take care of themselves when they really want to?

I feel like you just have to.

It's almost like ripping a bandaid off.

Right?

Like, it's scary to decide.

Especially like you said, like, when you're in the trenches and you're feeling like, I need to do something, but you don't know what.

Like, you almost just.

You just have to like, rip the bandaid off and just do it.

So whether that is like going to the gym or maybe you do need that connection, like, go find a mom's group.

Like, I know in the mom's group that like the local one we have here, people are always like, are there any moms that want to meet up for a play date or a coffee or the playground, wherever?

You have to come out of your shell a little bit and maybe go to something like that.

So then you can start putting yourself out there more or like picking up a hobby, like reading that you used to do or gardening or like, it's almost Like a snowball effect, too.

Because once you start with one thing, you realize, like, how much better you feel and how much joy this is bringing you.

So you're like, what else do I want to do?

What other hobbies can I have?

What, like, me and Julie started a book club.

You know what I mean?

I never thought I would do that.

Here we are, like, and I met new people from that.

It is not to say that anyone who's listening, that is like, yeah, okay, I don't want to leave my kids out.

It's not to say that you have to, or it's not to say that there's a right or wrong way to do things.

But when you feel like you're losing yourself a little, just that little bit of time of being either alone or finding joy in some new task will help your mind.

And, like, if you feel like you're struggling mentally, too, maybe it's not that you need to lead your kids, but maybe you need to try a new activity.

And it's outside of.

I think people like, and I don't want to sound harsh, but, like, you really have to get out of the mindset that, like, just because you take care of yourself and do something without your kids, it doesn't mean that you love them any less.

Right.

And I.

Or.

No, I lied.

Like, I was done.

I mean, my sister booked a trip to Las Vegas, and it was the first time I was going to leave them with Brian.

And I thought I was going to be so emotional over this.

Michaela, I kid you not.

I got on the plane and I was like, whoa, wow, this is great.

Oh, I'm.

I am dead.

And you know what?

And I thought I was going to feel bad for feeling that way, and I didn't.

So it's like I had all this buildup and anxiety over how I thought I was going to feel, but then I actually did it, and I was like, you are fine.

They are fine.

You can FaceTime.

It's not like your kids aren't going to see you.

Everything was fine, and we had a really good time.

Yeah.

And it's funny because I feel like some moms lose a lot of their.

Like you said, it's ripping the band aid off.

I have a hard time sometimes getting to do things independently or by myself, but once I get down the driveway, I'm like, see them great.

Even like my car rides to and from sessions are like my me time sometimes.

And I love it because I listen to a podcast.

I have a minute to breathe and think about something that I want to think about.

And I know my kids are good.

They're at home, they're safe.

At the end of the day, like, your kids deserve the best version of you.

And if that is how you feel the best version of yourself, then do more of it.

If it's not traveling, then maybe it's just a quick 30 minute yoga class and that drive, you know?

I also feel like your kids are like little sponges and they're absorbing everything they see.

Right.

So I want them to grow up knowing it's okay that mom and dad.

Because Bryant we.

He does his own thing too.

It's not just me.

Like, we both have a good.

I wouldn't say 50.

50, but like he's.

He does his own thing and we both just have each other's back when the other person's doing something.

And I think that they need to grow up seeing that.

Like, okay, if mom's going to go on this trip, dad has us, and that's okay.

Can I say something?

And this actually really bothered me when I took my trip to Disney in February, my girls trip.

Do you know how many moms were flabbergasted that Brian was okay with that and that he was going to watch the kids by himself for four days?

And I said, what do you mean?

They're like, he's gonna watch them.

And I said, he is their dad, so he's just gonna be their dad for four days.

Oh, wow.

Like, it's some.

And I'm looking at them like, what?

Why?

Like, why is society.

And you can't blame them because they're consuming what they consume.

And what they consume is that women, guys will go do trips guilt free and do whatever the heck they want guilt free.

But when it's the mom.

And I also feel like it stems back from back in the day where women were in the kitchen, men went to work.

Oh, you're right.

Yeah.

Back from that.

And it all comes down to having a partner where you guys both mutually agree that you can do things with and without each other.

Having a partner that supports you and is, yeah, go have fun without feeling like, go have fun.

And the whole time is like texting you and like, guilty and stuff.

Like you should.

And who you.

When are you coming home or.

Right.

The kids are being bad or.

Yeah, there was a time Where I.

Accidentally stayed two hours later on something that I said.

I was like, I was gonna go to the coffee shop and I ended up being two hours later.

I didn't get one single text message from Bruce.

Now with, yo, you could have given me a heads up.

Like, that would have been great.

Because he was expecting to be relieved at a certain point.

Our, our rule is that we just honor.

When we say we're going to be home, we don't know when we're going to be home.

We say, I don't know that I'm not expecting relief at a certain time.

And neither is he.

And a large part of that is like your partner being a support person so that you go in to write Disney for a couple of days and he's got the fort, he's holding down the house.

Mm.

Like it's not that shocking.

And oh yeah, I saw a statistic.

The other day where it was like the statistic of dad changing diapers.

It was like back in this day, it was 5% of dads changed diapers and that was 70, 80%.

And it's like it should be a frickin.

A hundred.

A hundred percent.

Yeah.

But like, it's like just they said back in the day, like, dads never changed diapers.

Never.

No.

I would never marry someone that would not help me with my children.

We made them.

You know what?

This just goes back into if you're a working mom and you need to, if your partner isn't helping, you need to ask for help or delegate tasks because you can't do it all on your own.

And it's not fair that you have to do it all on your own.

And I think too, if, if you are in a relationship with someone and you have a family and you're.

You're starting your own business, it's not going to be successful if you don't have a supportive partner, family, your group.

If it does take a village, it takes a village.

You can't do everything on your own.

Okay.

And it.

That's so hard for me.

Is so very hard for me.

I is.

I work on this constantly.

I'm better than I was a while ago because in my mind I can just do it the right way and no one else is going to do it how I would do it.

Okay.

And I have be okay with if I ask someone to do a task that they're going to do it their own way, right?

Yes.

And you can.

I know like when moms have like the anxiety about leaving their kids to go do something because, well, I know what to do, and they're my kids, and I'm going to do it the right way.

If they're out with a babysitter or a grandparent, like, maybe they're not gonna do their bedtime routine exactly the way you would, but they probably will be asleep when you get home.

Between that mindset of letting go a little bit.

Cause I feel like that's, especially as an entrepreneur, you're like, this is my business.

I built it.

It's done the way I did it, and that's why I'm successful.

Yes, all things are true.

But when you want to get back to why you started your business was to have freedom, to not be answering to anyone.

Like, you're doing everything yourself.

You're answering to everyone.

You're giving up time and the freedom that you wanted in the first place, and not always.

And money's a large factor of outsourcing and, like, relying on other people to do things for you.

And I understand that.

But when you can spend, maybe it's $300 for someone to manage something for you, and let's say it's a monthly cost, and let's say you're making more than that, imagine what you could do in that free time.

Even if it's.

Even if it's not relaxing, it's like you're doing something else in your business.

You could focus on growing your business because someone else has handled that part.

That's not really important for you to be doing Wild.

But it's hard to look at it like that when you're like, it is my business.

I built it.

It's my baby.

Especially people that don't have kids.

Their business is mine.

Yeah.

But, yeah, it's quite the trip.

And it's funny because I person, I have gone.

My husband and I have gone on many dates since having our third child.

And we thought we wouldn't be going outside.

We thought we would be like, see you next year.

Because we thought, oh, my God, the transition from two to three.

Couldn't imagine going to the restaurant with three kids or doing it.

We are going to the restaurant more than we ever have.

We're doing things more than we ever have.

It's just, you get this new found of confidence and you go and do stuff.

But then we thought we would never have anyone watch our kids because no one would watch three kids.

Thankfully, we do have people that would.

Watch our three kids, but we just.

We set our date nights around the kids being like, when my one daughter Goes to bed earlier than the others.

So when she's the bed, we go on dates and we do it at least twice a month.

We have our own couple hours of date night.

And they just watch him, put him to bed.

Yeah.

So he just sleeps all the time.

And then Delilah would just fall asleep.

And if she falls asleep watching.

Watching a movie on the couch, she's asleep.

Yeah.

So letting go.

And I also feel like, too, like circling back.

Do you take them out to dinner ever?

Like, you said you didn't think you would ever.

I think people have to.

Like, I had a conversation with someone about this.

Oh, not a little while ago, and I was telling her, like, children are part of our society and have every right to be out and about just like everyone else.

Because I know taking kids out, it can be stressful.

Right?

Like, you're like, I don't want them to freak out.

I don't want them to yell, but they have to learn how to be a person and function.

You know what I mean?

So I always.

I feel like I have a lot of, like, just having so many, like, newborn clients or maternity clients.

And I like, I feel like I give them pep talks during our session.

And I.

I told them, I'm like, you just need to.

I don't sugarcoat it.

I'm like a newborn client.

I'm like, you know what?

It's going to suck for a little bit.

I'm just going to be honest with you.

It's going to suck a little bit, but then it'll get better.

And that's the thing I always appreciate is when people are honest.

I scared someone the one day because I was like, yeah, my bird sucked.

But I found out afterwards it could have killed me.

But it was fine.

We made it out.

And I was like, we meet him, we're fine.

She was like, oh, my God, it scared her.

And I felt so bad.

I was like, please don't be.

Don't let me be the reason you don't have children, because I scared you a little bit.

I'm so sorry.

And I'm so used to being, like, straight up about how things are, because it should be the normal.

Like, when I had my oldest daughter, I brought her home, I had baby blues really bad.

I wanted nobody to hold her.

If I didn't have her in my arms longer than two minutes, I was sobbing.

I would just cry.

No idea why.

And I was just like, all the time, so sad.

And I would be sitting, and then if it was like anything that was like a song or anything that might have reminded me of Brows immediate tears.

Like it was really emotional.

And I think the biggest reason why, because that never happened after that.

Not saying it couldn't, but after her, I knew what to expect.

Know what to expect.

That's what I mean.

No one tells you anything.

No one tells you anything.

No.

And they're trying, I think, but they're not telling the right things.

I think I wish someone would have told me.

When you get home, you're gonna be so exhausted that you feel like you're not even a person.

You're just serving this baby for two weeks.

Eating, sleep and pooping.

Sleeping, eating, pooping, all that.

It's just a rotation.

You and your husband and your baby are just gonna rotate in that people are gonna come over.

You're gonna want to clean your house.

No.

Yeah.

You're gonna want to offer to hold the baby so you can do something.

No.

They can clean the tissues for you if they want to help you.

Or how about don't feel like you have to have somebody come over.

No.

And I think we were like, oh, we're okay.

Like we can have people.

The day we brought them her home.

The day we brought her home, we were like, I think we could have people over.

We feel okay.

We're a little bored.

Let's have someone over.

That's when the baby boost kicked in and I was like, get them out.

Let's go.

Get them out now.

I was like so upset.

And I tried my best to be like nigh.

Most women, they were there, but never.

So this is the other thing too.

Delilah was born on a Wednesday.

We were in the hospital two nights.

We got home Friday night, Friday I think.

And then Bruce had to go work that following Monday.

So he had no.

But I.

Thankfully it was that child versus when I had like multiple.

But yeah, he had no leave.

And his boss was made a comment about how he went to work the next day after his daughter was born and all this stuff.

And it's like, that's not a bad of honor.

That's not something to be proud of.

Be home with your wife, help her, help your baby get through it.

But I remember his boss made him feel like he couldn't take time off.

And he's a new person now.

But back then he was like being weird about that.

And Bruce felt like he had to go back to work Monday, so that sucked.

But during that weekend he was like, okay, let me go do something, get outside.

Because we tried to get outside as best we could to like Rebalance everything we glad sign and he decided to tear off the siding of our garage and redo it.

Why?

I don't know.

We just had a baby that doesn't need done right now.

But I think you got the age to be productive outside of I need to do something.

Yeah.

He just had to do something.

Yeah.

And it became a whole fiasco where like things weren't measured right.

Like he got the wrong sighting.

Like it became a two day project.

So the weekend that we got home became the weekend of the siding project.

And my dad, I literally like, he comes in the house and he's beat.

He's literally emotional.

He goes, it's not going the way I wanted it to, blah blah, blah.

I was like, I'm going to call my dad, he's going to help you fix it.

And then I'm going to call my mom because I need a frickin map.

Yeah.

My mom comes over and all of a sudden I fell asleep.

Don't remember falling asleep.

And I wake up and I have the drool everywhere and it was like the best two, three hour nap I had ever had.

But it was like so much happened so quickly and then like my husband feeling like he needed a break but did it the wrong way.

Like he could have walked.

You're like, we don't need to reset our house right now.

But I do think like my husband also needed time to breathe outside of everything because he was not only helping the baby, but also me.

I leaned on him a lot when I was mentally feeling distraught.

But after my second, I think I got a little bit of postpartum depression while I was pregnant because I was at Delilah.

So Delilah was three months old when I was pregnant with Marley.

So I was still postpartum but I just got pregnant.

And it wasn't until we moved where I'm secluded, had nobody close to me, no one really wanted to come over.

Everyone was working like I was about to have two babies and no help.

I was like having her like while I was trying to build my web design business was hard.

You would see her in Zoom meetings, eating Spaghettios in the background, getting sauce everywhere.

I'm just like, as long as I can get through this, we're fine.

She gets up and it just quite the journey of how much our mind and body changes but no one really speaks it out loud.

And you have a C section, right.

Did you feel like you knew nothing about what you were getting into?

Oh gosh, no.

So with Forrest, he was emergency so I was put to sleep so that was, like, a whole thing.

And then he was in the nicu, and I had to be on magnesium, so I didn't see him for actually 24 hours.

Did you not see him at all after I give birth or.

Yeah, it was weird.

I remember they wheeled me in, and I was just like, oh, it's a baby.

There was that.

And there was not that fog.

No, no, he wasn't here.

He wasn't.

Yeah, it was like.

But you were asleep.

Yeah.

Oh, my gosh.

Then with Miles.

Let me just say, I'm so happy they took my tubes out because I just.

I'm just very happy.

Just I hit them, and that is good.

I had a C section, but I was severely sick the whole time, throwing up because my blood pressure dropped so so quickly.

So you're numb from your waist down.

So your stomach muscles can't really.

Not sungirth.

But you can't get your throw up out.

So they had to stick this suctioner down my throat.

Girl.

It was this whole thing.

So I'm, like, puking into this bag.

And then I remember Miles being born, and they pulled him up.

I literally was like.

I gave the doctor a thumbs up because I couldn't talk, and I was like, oh, my God.

Was it numb from the anesthesio?

Like the.

Your spinal.

Yeah, Eric, not numb.

That's what you were sick from.

Oh, my gosh.

Yeah.

And like on tv, when they have the.

You're getting a C section and they're just laying there.

No, you're literally like.

Like, they're jerking you around because, like, they're.

They're in there trying to pull this baby out.

So it felt like I was on, like, some carnival ride.

I said, never again.

Never.

You were seasick from that on 12th?

Yes.

It was horrible.

And then I said.

I asked the lady, I said, can you just put me to sleep?

It was.

And she goes, no, we can't.

I can give you Benadryl, though.

And I was like.

And actually, it did help, though.

It actually did help.

Yeah, I was.

We did not have a.

Either of their birth stories were not good.

So.

Yeah, you know, it's crazy.

I wouldn't have expected that because of the way that you breastfed and the way you bonded with your kids after.

But maybe that's what replaced.

Not replaced it, but you being able to breastfeed allowed you to have that connection and bond.

Yeah.

Forrest.

I had a pump for four months because he couldn't latch.

And then one day, he just, like, did.

Then I was like, okay, maybe we can do this.

And then it's crazy, right?

You have your first.

You don't know what you're doing, and then your second comes and you're just like, oh, okay.

It was so much easier with Miles because I just knew what I was doing.

So he was super easy.

He latched straight away, and then he never took a bottle because it was Covid and we weren't leaving the house.

So it was like, why even do that?

You know what?

So Covid was still very much a thing.

But people hurt you.

Didn't you have to wear a mask in the hospital?

Yeah, yeah.

No.

What the heck?

So that sucked because I'm deaf on top of that.

So I knew what nobody was saying.

I just had Bruce translating everything because they wouldn't even.

They would do this.

But they put.

And I was like, no, I need.

The mask off all the time.

Because not only were there masks on, but their back switched me or they were to the side.

It was this whole process.

And I believe none of the nurses, like, they tried what they could within the rules that they had.

Yeah.

Wait.

They were like, you need to give birth with your mask on.

And I'm like, hell, no.

I'm not.

I'm not meeting my baby with a mask on.

I'm sorry.

And so that was the whole thing.

And then I was worried about Bruce being there because at one point, my cousin's husband almost wasn't able to be there for the birth of his baby because.

Oh, yeah.

Because they weren't letting people in the room.

Right.

That.

And it's.

Come on, I'd rather get birthed in the woods.

No, not doing that.

So they had masks on.

They did all that.

And then I just.

Yeah.

So I had her in April, and Covid was getting better.

I think the vaccine was coming out a little bit more.

You were going to stores, like, all that was happening.

But formula was like, non existent.

And formula.

Because I can't mentally sustain breastfeeding as well and have my business.

I didn't really have a maternity leave, so I was like, am I doing.

And not having formula was the scariest thing because we were constantly checking, constantly grabbing more than one because you never knew.

Yeah.

Awful.

And I was like, start breastfed.

Should have done that.

No.

And, you know, I think it's important that you just do.

Like, I know people get really caught up in, like, breastfeeding, but it's.

You just need to do what's best for you because all your Baby wants is a happy mom.

So if breastfeeding is stressing you out, then just give formula like it's not.

One way or the other.

Yeah.

No one's mad at you.

No.

Your baby's still happy.

Yeah.

I had my first breastfeeding experience with my son, and I got to latch.

I got to experience that, and I loved it so much.

I would have loved to have kept doing that by the latching thing on its own.

Stressful when.

Especially when I was like, he did so good.

His first lash.

And then after that, it was like a hit or miss and my boobs are hurt.

And I was like, can we just fix this?

I tried to pump and pumping.

Hurt.

Yeah.

Because I didn't have the right flange and all that nonsense.

This sucks, but I wish I could have.

But I made the decision to stop, and it was a very emotional decision.

I can't even imagine a mom who had breastfed for months.

I breastfed for.

I tried and pumped and did all that for two weeks.

I made the decision to stop, and it was very emotional because I wanted to keep going, and that's what I set my mind to.

But my girls needed me.

I couldn't spend every free time I had pumping and holding and breastfeeding him.

But my girls also needed me.

So that's with this.

And I also was running a business that I need to set up maternity to, what, leave very well for myself ever.

So I was still, like, getting back to work, too, and it just was not a good mix.

And because I did that, my girls got half of me.

He got half of me.

I was able to be happy, balanced mom with them, and it was.

I don't look back.

So if anyone's, like, scared about when we love breastfeeding, you can do both or you can do none.

You can do one.

You can't.

You have to feed your kid.

You can't.

You can choose formula.

You could do one or the other.

Please beat your kids up.

Don't just pick.

Someone calls oc.

Why?

They're like, she's suggesting your children.

Listen, did you get an email?

Tomorrow, I'll.

Oh, God.

Thank you so much for being on today.

I really appreciate it and I loved this conversation and where it went.

If people want to find you, where.

Can they find Instagram?

It's Stevie Lchinsky Photo.

Yes.

We need connect.

Connect with her there.

Thank you so much for being here.

Thank you so much for having me.