How to Get Clarity in Your Life (and Why Feeling Stuck Isn’t the Problem)

You think you need more clarity before you take action—but what if feeling stuck isn’t actually about clarity at all?

In this episode, we’re unpacking why so many women feel stuck, how to find clarity in your life, and the mindset shifts that help you move forward with confidence.

What You’ll Learn:

• Why feeling stuck is often rooted in fear—not lack of clarity
• How to find clarity in your life using a simple framework
• The role of values, vision, and your zone of genius
• Why action creates clarity (not the other way around)
• A journaling practice to help you get unstuck fast

If you’re searching for direction or feeling unsure about your next step, this episode will help you move forward.

Ready to Stop Hiding Behind Clarity?

If this episode landed somewhere real for you — if you read "I need clarity" and felt the particular quality of that familiar tightness — that's the signal.

Not the signal to wait. The signal to book a Clarity Session.

One conversation. The right questions. No pressure. The first step toward finding out what becomes possible when you stop living inside the sentence.

Share This Episode

If you've been hiding behind "I need clarity" — or if you know a woman who has — send her this episode. Sometimes just knowing what the process looks like makes all the difference.

Connect With Kiley

•Website: Kileysuarez.com

•Instagram: @iamkileysuarez

•Book a Clarity Session: calendly.com/kileysuarez/clarity-session-kiley

Here's what most women think a first coaching session looks like.

They picture themselves crying on a couch or getting called out for all the ways they're doing their life wrong or having to defend why they want something different at 45, 50, or 55.

So they delay.

They wait.

They tell themselves, I need more clarity first.

Once I figure out what I really want, then I'll be ready.

But here's what I've learned.

Most women already know what they want.

They're just hiding behind clarity because they're afraid.

Afraid their partner won't support them, afraid their family will think they're selfish.

Afraid of what it will mean if they actually say it out loud.

So they stay stuck in.

I don't know when.

The truth is, they do know.

They're just not ready to face the fear of what knowing means.

And you know what actually happens in a first session?

We stop pretending you don't know.

We get honest about what you're asking, actually afraid of.

And we start building the roadmap to the life you already want but haven't given yourself permission to claim.

No judgment, no therapy couch, no more hiding.

Just you, me, and the question, what do you actually want your life to feel like?

Today, I'm pulling back the curtain on what happens when we do this work together.

The actual questions, the process we move through, the.

The shifts that can start happening right there in the room.

Because the mystery around what coaching actually is keeps more women stuck than anything else.

So let's demystify it.

Welcome to the Joy shift.

I'm Kylie Suarez.

Let's walk you through this together.

By the end of this episode, you'll know exactly what happens in a coaching session focused on values and vision work.

You'll understand the questions, the process, and why this work matters.

And if you're considering coaching, whether with me or anyone else, you'll want to know what to expect and how to show up ready to do the real work.

So let me tell you why.

A first session usually focuses on three things.

Your zone of genius, your values, and your vision.

Not your problems, not what's broken, not your entire life story from childhood forward.

Your zone of genius, your values, and your vision.

And here's why.

Your zone of genius is where what you love overlaps with what you're good at.

It's that sweet spot where time disappears when you feel most alive, where people probably compliment you but you think, doesn't everyone do this?

No, they don't.

That's your zone of genius.

That's your genius.

Values are your Compass.

They're what matter most to you.

Not what you were told should matter.

Not what everyone else wants from you.

What but what you actually value when you strip away all the noise and vision is your destination.

It's where you're headed, what you're building toward, the life that's pulling you forward.

You can't get where you want to go if you don't know where that is.

And you can't stay on course without a compass.

And you won't have the energy to keep going if you are not working in your zone of genius.

That's it.

That's the whole framework.

But here's what makes this work powerful for women in midlife.

Most of you have spent decades living by someone else's values, someone else's definition of what you should be good at, and someone else's vision of what your life should look like.

You were the good daughter, the reliable employee, the devoted wife, the selfless mother, the responsible one.

And somewhere along the way, you lost track of what you actually love, what you're naturally good at, what you actually value, who you're becoming next.

So when we sit down for that first session, I'm not asking you to fix yourself.

I'm asking you to remember yourself.

I'm asking, when you strip away all the roles, all the responsibilities, all the years of being what everyone else needed, what do you actually care about?

What lights you up?

What are you naturally good at that you've been ignoring?

And then if you could design the next chapter of your life around those things, what would it look like?

That's the work.

But here's where it gets real.

Here's where we stop playing games.

Most of you listening already know the answers to these questions.

You're just pretending you don't.

Because if you admit you know what you want, then you have to face what's actually stopping you.

And that's scarier than saying, I just need clarity.

Let me show you how it works and actually unfolds.

So here's how we typically start.

I'll ask you something, like, if we had a conversation today that would change your life, what would that conversation be about?

And you might say, well, I don't know.

That's why I'm here.

I need clarity.

And I'm going to gently call that out.

Here's what I've noticed.

Most people know what they don't want.

So let's start there.

What don't you want?

And suddenly the words come pouring out.

I don't want to feel exhausted all the time.

And I don't want to keep going and doing work that doesn't matter to me.

I don't want to feel invisible in my own life.

I don't want to wake up in five years and realize nothing's changed.

There it is.

Now we have something to work with.

Because if you know what you don't want, you can flip it and identify what you do want.

So you don't want to feel exhausted.

You want to feel energized.

You don't want to feel that you're working.

That doesn't matter.

You want work that feels purposeful.

You don't want to feel invisible.

You want to feel seen and valued.

See how that works?

Sometimes I'll have you do a free form writing exercise.

Stream of consciousness.

No editing, no censoring, Just writing what what wants to come out.

Give yourself permission to write what you actually want, even if it scares you.

And here's what happens.

The truth shows up on the page.

The thing you've been afraid to say out loud.

I want to leave this job.

I want to start my own business.

I want to write the book that I've been thinking about for the last 10 years.

I want my marriage to feel like a partnership again, not just logistics.

That's not lack of clarity.

That's fear.

Fear that your partner won't support you.

Fear that your kids will think you're selfish.

Fear.

Fear that you'll fail.

Fear that you'll succeed and your whole life will have to change.

So my job in that first session is to help you see what you're actually afraid of because you can't coach around.

Fear you won't acknowledge.

I might ask, what would it cost you to keep pretending you don't know what you want?

And you'll tell me.

Another year of feeling stuck, Another year of resentment building.

Another year of watching other women do what you're afraid to try.

That's the real cost, not the risk of going for it.

The cost of staying stuck.

And then I'll ask, okay.

If you were willing to take action, even scared, even unsure, what would you do first?

Not someday.

Not when everything's perfect.

Not when you have it all figured out.

What would you do in the next 24 hours if you were willing to stop hiding behind clarity?

This is where coaching gets powerful.

Because we're not waiting for you to feel ready.

We're helping you take action so you can get the clarity you claim you need.

Action creates clarity, not the other way around.

Once we've stopped pretending you don't know what you want.

We go deeper into your zone of genius.

This comes from a simple framework with three questions.

What do you love?

What are you good at?

And where do they overlap?

That overlap?

That's your zone of genius.

That's where you're meant to be spending your energy.

And here's what's wild.

Most women in midlife have completely abandoned their zone of genius.

You're doing what you're supposed to do, what pays the bills, what other people need from you or expect from you, but the thing that lights you up, the thing you're naturally good at, that thing people compliment you on, but you brush off.

You haven't touched it in years.

One client told me, people always say I'm a great listener and I help them see things differently, but I'm an accountant.

That's not relevant to my work.

And I asked, what if it's relevant?

What if that's actually your genius and the numbers are just the vehicle?

Well, six months later, that same woman, she's running financial coaching sessions for women entrepreneurs.

Same skills, different application, totally different energy.

Your zone of genius doesn't have to be your whole career, but it does need to show up somewhere in your life.

So because when you're working in your zone of genius, when what you love overlaps with what you're good at, that's when life stops feeling like an obligation and starts feeling like purpose.

Once we have clarity on what you actually want and what where your zone of genius is, we move into values and vision.

I might walk you through a values list.

Things like authenticity, creativity, freedom, growth, connection, accomplishment, adventure.

But here's the key.

We're not picking what sounds good.

We're identifying what's actually true.

So I'll ask, if I took this value completely out of your life, if you could never experience it again, would you still feel fulfilled?

If the answer is yes, it's not a core value, it's nice, but it's not essential.

If the answer is absolutely not, I would feel empty without it, that's a value.

We narrow it down to your core five, the ones that are non negotiable.

And then I ask the question that changes everything.

Which of these values are expressing least in your life right now?

And there it is.

That's usually where you feel most out of alignment.

Maybe it's creativity, maybe it's freedom, maybe it's connection.

Whatever it is, that's your starting point.

That's where we begin bringing you back to yourself.

Then we move into vision work.

And this is where I ask you to get specific.

Not, I want to be happy.

Not I want to have balance or I want balance.

I want to know, what does your ideal day actually look like?

What time do you wake up?

What's the first thing you do?

Who are you with?

What are you working on?

How do you feel in your body?

I'm asking you to visualize it like a movie scene.

Because your brain doesn't know the difference between imagination and reality.

When you can see it, feel it, embody it, your nervous system starts believing it's possible.

This is where some women freeze up.

They'll say, I don't know what I want, and I'll gently push back.

You do know.

You're just afraid it's wrong or too small or too big.

So we try this.

What would you want?

You knew no one would judge you, and suddenly the truth comes out.

I want to wake up without an alarm and write for two hours before anyone else is awake.

I want to travel for a month every year without feeling guilty.

I want to build a business doing something I actually care about.

I want to feel like myself again instead of just everyone else's support system.

There it is.

That's the vision.

Now, some of you listening might be thinking, but, Kylie, what if my vision feels too small?

What if I just want to feel less exhausted?

Listen to me.

There is no such thing as a vision that's too small.

If your vision is to wake up feeling rested and go to bed feeling proud of who you spent your day being and how you spent it, that's a beautiful vision that's worth building toward.

My job is not to judge your vision.

My job is to be 100% behind it because it's yours.

And that's what matters.

But here's something I need you to understand before we go any further.

None of this work, the values, the vision, the zone of genius, none of it matters if you don't believe you're worthy of it.

And most women in midlife, you spent so long identifying with your roles, daughter, wife, mother, employee that you've forgotten you're more than that.

Your ego identifies with those roles because it doesn't think you're enough on your own.

But underneath all of that, there's a whole human.

There's your essence.

There's who you really are.

And that person, she's worthy not because of what she's accomplished, not because of who she's taken care of, not because of how well she's performed her roles.

She's worthy because she exists.

This is the foundation of all Coaching work, I can only see your wholeness to the degree that I see my own.

So part of my work, the work I do on myself, the work I do with you, is remembering that you are more than your thoughts, more than your emotions, and more than your roles.

When you don't identify with a story, you can always change it.

When you remember your essence, the part of you that's been there all along, underneath all the conditioning and all the expectations, that's when everything opens up.

This isn't woo woo.

This is practical.

Because if you don't believe you're worthy of the life you want, you'll sabotage yourself.

Every time you get close, you'll tell yourself it's selfish.

You'll tell yourself you should be grateful for what you have.

You'll tell yourself, who do you think you are worth?

Work is about upgrading the way you see yourself.

Not fixing what's broken, remembering what's always been true.

You are worthy of joy.

You are worthy of purpose.

You are worthy of a life that feels aligned.

Not someday, right now.

Here's the last thing I want you to know about what happens in a coaching session.

The most powerful tool I have isn't a framework or a worksheet.

It's my presence.

When I can show up fully present, not judging you, not fixing you, not rushing to the next thing, that's when the real work happens.

Because presence creates the container for transformation.

When I'm present, I can notice the tiny shift in your body language when you say something true.

I can catch the hesitation before you dismiss your own dream.

I can feel the energy change when you finally let yourself want something.

The more present I am, the less judgmental I am, the more I can see you clearly.

And here's the beautiful part.

When you feel truly seen not for who you should be, but for who you actually are, everything shifts.

You start trusting yourself again.

You start believing that maybe, just maybe, what you want is possible.

This is why I do this work for myself.

First.

I practice being present.

I practice seeing my own wholeness.

I practice noticing when my ego wants to make everything complicated and my essence just wants to breathe.

Presence over perfect always.

And when we're working together, I'll help you practice this too.

Because when your mind is silent, there's peace.

And from that peace, clarity comes.

Not forced, not manufactured, just there.

So by the end of a first session focused on values and vision, here's what you walk away with.

Honesty about what you already know, but have always been afraid to claim.

Clarity on your zone of genius, where what you love meets what you're good at.

Clarity.

Your core values.

Your compass.

A vision of what you're building.

Your destination.

Awareness of which value you're expressing least.

Your starting point.

A specific action you're willing to take in the next 24 hours.

Not someday.

Now.

The foundation of worth.

The reminder that you're worthy of this life right now.

From there, every session builds on this foundation.

We identify what's in the way.

We work through the guilt and the fear and the who do I think I am voices.

We build sustainable momentum.

We celebrate the micro wins.

But it all starts with getting clear on what you actually want, what actually matters to you, and where your genius lives.

That's the work women in midlife need most.

Not fixing what's broken, remembering what's true.

If you've been curious about coaching, but weren't sure what it actually involves, I hope this helped.

If you've been hiding behind I need clarity.

But when the truth is you're just afraid, this is your invitation to get honest.

And if you're realizing that you don't actually know what your core values are or what your zone of genius is, that's okay.

That's exactly why this work matters.

Here's what I want you to try this week.

Start a Joy journal.

Every evening for the next seven days.

Write down the top three things that brought you joy, the most joy that day, and how that made you feel.

At the end of the week, look for themes.

What patterns do you see?

What does that tell you about what you love?

This simple practice will give you more clarity than a year of thinking about it.

You don't have to have all the answers.

You just have to start paying attention before you go.

If this episode resonated, would you share it with one woman who needs to hear this?

Someone who's been hiding behind clarity or wondering what coaching actually involves, or just needs permission to get honest about what she wants?

Center this episode.

Sometimes just knowing what the process looks like makes all the difference.

Thank you for being here.

Thank you for being brave enough to ask yourself these questions.

Your second act is waiting.

Let's go build it.

I'll see you Friday for our reflection episode.

Okay, here's what I have to say to make the lawyers happy.

The Joy Shift podcast with Kylie Suarez shares my personal views and the experiences of my guests.

It's meant for inspiration and conversation, not medical, psychological or financial advice.

Everyone's situation is different.

Before making any big changes in your life, talk with your healthcare provider, mental health team, financial advisor, or another qualified professional.

Take what resonates, leave the rest.

Always choose what's right for you.