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How To Be Your True Self EP 194
Episode 19421st July 2023 • The Demartini Show • Dr John Demartini
00:00:00 00:25:17

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The world we live in continuously guides us toward discovering and embracing our genuine selves. This guidance comes through various feedback mechanisms – sociological feedback, theological feedback, physiological responses, and psychological feedback. These various elements serve as deflating assistance factors or inflating assistance factors, leading you back to your distinct and authentic self-expression. Mastering the art of identifying and deciphering these feedback loops is tantamount to unlocking your life's inherent power.

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Transcripts

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When you're actually authentic, you get a tear in the eye, a tear of gratitude,

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a feeling of gratitude, love, you're inspired, you're enthused,

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you're certain about where you're going and you're present.

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Those are what I call the transcendental confirmations of authenticity.

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Everyone wants to be loved for who they are and as a result of that,

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unless you are who you are, don't expect to be loved .

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That's kind of common sense.

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But what's interesting is that many people are fluctuating around who

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they are with sort of an imposter syndrome,

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they're exaggerating themselves or minimizing themselves,

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puffing themselves up or beating themselves up,

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going into aggrandized pride or going into humble shame,

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instead of being themselves.

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And what I've discovered over the last 50 years of research,

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is that not only is our physiology,

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not only is our psychology,

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not only is the sociology around us,

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but even the greater universe, you might say, the world around us,

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the theology is attempting to help us get there with feedback

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systems. So if you have something to write with and write on,

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you might take some notes because we're going to explore this a bit.

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Walter Cannon, I believe it was 1963 or so,

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wrote a book called The Wisdom of the Body.

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Now I read that when I was about 23 years old when I was studying in

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professional school in physiology. And

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if the temperature in your body goes up,

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you have an automatic mechanism in the hypothalamus and a particular area of the

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hypothalamus that irregulates and causes autonomic responses to cause us to

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sweat and then to re bring that temperature back down.

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Cool us off. As you know on the beach,

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when you walk on the beach during the day, the sand is cool in the morning,

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but by the end of the day it's hot, and then it cools down rapidly.

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But the water takes all day to cool, it regulates down. So when we sweat,

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we change the temperature more moderately.

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So sweat is a mechanism to make sure we get our temperature back.

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If we get cold,

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then we end up shivering to activate more energy and heat to make us have

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the temperature go back up.

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So we have what is called a homeostatic feedback,

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a negative feedback system,

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to try to bring us back into equilibrium with temperature.

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Now this same thing occurs for our blood sugar, hyperglycemic,

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diabetic, hypoglycemic.

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We have glucagon and insulin designed to try to bring it up or bring

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it down if it goes down or gets up. We also have this for blood pressure,

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we got baroreceptors that are involved in making sure that we have homeostasis

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with blood pressure. In fact, every transmitter, every hormone,

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every physiologic response, even pH,

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has homeostatic mechanisms that are responsive.

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They're called an interoceptive negative feedback system inside our body to make

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sure we have homeostasis. So no matter what we get on the outside,

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we're perturbed by the outside environment,

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our body maintains a homeostasis or at least an allostasis,

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which is an approximation to balance,

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in a dynamic system that's moving and changing. So either allostasis,

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which is a dynamic oscillation moving around a homeostatic center,

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or homeostasis which brings it back to the center, our body is doing that.

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And I've been studying that physiological response in order to get us back into

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homeostasis, physiologically, since 23,

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so about 45 years.

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What's interesting is the same thing occurs on psychology.

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If we end up getting elated

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or get high or emotionally exuberant,

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we have certain feedback systems to bring us back down, hedonic adaptation,

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in order to calm down the dopamine and the oxytocin and serotonin levels that

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are going up and endorphins that are going up to try to bring that back down.

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That's why if we kiss somebody the first time, we may kiss them for 45 minutes,

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the second time, 43 eventually 41, 40, 39, 38, 37,

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and we eventually don't get the same high out of it.

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It brings it back down to bring it to homeostasis.

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The same thing if we have something that challenges,

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we have what we call desensitization in order to bring us back

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into homeostasis.

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So pain and pleasure is also regulated and our psychology is regulated.

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And we have a normal swing throughout the day based on our perturbations of

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experiences. And we have what is called cyclothymia,

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moving ups and downs throughout the day, lower self-esteem, higher self-esteem,

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et cetera, all fluctuating around a true self-worth.

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But as far as psychology also is homeostatic.

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And when I discovered some of the transmitter homeostatic mechanisms,

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hormone transmitter mechanisms and signal molecules in the body and the

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interoceptive system designed to help us bring our emotions back into balance,

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I was fascinated by this and I realized that not only do we have physiological,

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but we also have psychological homeostatic mechanisms.

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And then when I realized that, I realized, hey,

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our body is doing what it can to keep us authentic.

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See if we're go into pride and we exaggerate ourselves, that's not us.

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And we go into elation and manic, that's not us. We're not seeing reality.

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We're actually being conscious of the upsides and unconscious of the downside

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when we're up. And when we go down and we get shame,

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we're conscious of the downsides, unconscious of the upsides.

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So our homeostatic mechanisms trying to make us fully conscious.

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And we call that intuition.

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Your intuition is a negative feedback system inside your physiology

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built at a neurotransmitter signal molecules,

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hormones and other physiological responses designed to help you

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maintain authenticity.

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And it's also maintain a balance between past and future to keep you present.

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So your your brain, your physiology,

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your psychology is all trying to keep you authentic.

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And what's interesting is the second we go and we see something that we have a

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subjective bias interpretation of and we get conscious of the positives without

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the other and we get elated, we immediately kick in different hormones,

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different transmitters to get that back into equilibrium.

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So that's why our emotions are fleeting and changing and just give us a few

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minutes and they'll go and they'll come and go.

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The synthesis and synchronicity of these are actually going on,

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but we're only conscious of them one at a time. Wilhelm Wundt,

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the father of experimental psychology about a hundred and something 30 years

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ago,

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described a thing called simultaneous contrast for sequential contrast.

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Sequential contrast is where you see a positive and then eventually you see a

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negative, you know,

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you infatuate with somebody and then over six months you start to see the

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downsides. Or you resent somebody and eventually six months later you find out,

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oh that served me after all, you know, the terrible had terrific,

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the terrific had terrible. It kind of yin yang within each other.

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Kind of a Daoist understanding or an acupuncture principle

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always together.

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So what happens is we have these perceptions that are sometimes skewed,

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we have the subjective bias,

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we see things with a false positive on the positives and a false negative on the

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negatives and we have a bias.

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And then we end up eventually being brought back into

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as they are. If you look in a relationship,

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you have times when you like your relationship and other times you don't.

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You'll actually dislike it, it fluctuates,

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but it still goes up and down and fluctuates around a mean.

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And sometimes you go, gosh, what am I doing with this individual?

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Next minute you go, thank God I got this individual.

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So this homeostatic mechanism is trying to keep us authentic.

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Because if we exaggerate ourselves, we aren't being true.

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If we minimize ourselves, we're not true.

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And every time we go through and fluctuate our physiology or psychology,

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we don't have maximum performance. That's why we have homeostasis.

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That's what Walter Cannon was saying. Claude Bernard,

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another Harvard professor said the same thing and maintaining an internal milieu

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as he called it. But there's something else,

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I've been teaching the Breakthrough Experience,

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which is my signature program now for 34, almost 35 years.

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And I've noticed working with people one-on-one and one on dozens and thousands

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of people over the years that,

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that there is a sociological feedback system also.

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So there's not only an internal physiological and psychological

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homeostatic mechanism, which I call autotelia,

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but we also have an external feedback system, which is heterotelia.

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Autotelia means self feedback, turning you back to telos,

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which is your highest value where you're most objective and back on purpose.

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It's almost like your homeostatic mechanisms,

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the internal negative feedback systems are designed to help you fulfill your

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purpose of being authentic and fulfill, bring a service to the world,

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your contribution to the world, your making of a difference.

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But you also have it externally. And that's very fascinating.

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I've been fascinated by this and watching this.

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Because people come into the Breakthrough Experience many times and say,

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well so and so criticized me and challenged me and

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or something. And then I go, hmm,

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if you're cocky and elevated above equilibrium and puffed up,

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you get a sociological mechanism to bring you back down.

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I call this the deflating resistance factors.

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Deflating resistance factors.

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Whenever you're exaggerating yourself and puffed up,

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let's say you look down at somebody and resent them and puff yourself up and

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exaggerate yourself,

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then you attract somebody come in there that criticizes and challenges you as a

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deflating resistance factor to get you back into homeostasis.

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So there's some sort of an entangled relationship

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in our life and these perceptions we have about life.

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So I've noticed it. We have either, if we get really, really,

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really puffed up and arrogant and really pushed up there,

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we get tragic events to humble us. I call that the theological feedback system.

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If we get moderately puffed up, we end up having criticism and challenge.

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If we get mildly puffed up, we get humbling circumstances.

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And if we just get mildly puffed up, we get distracting low priorities.

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So there's a gradation of feedback from society that people try to distract you,

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people try to humble you.

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You've seen the tall poppy syndrome maybe in Australia, if you get cocky,

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they try to put you down and cut you down.

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You see this in in candidates going for presidency or you see it in Donald Trump

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right now, . The more he gets cocky, the more they go after him.

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So these are sociological feedback systems that are basically

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part of a field of intelligence, you might say that's sociological,

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collective intelligence,

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making sure that there's a homeostasis in the overall system.

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Imagine that just like the cells of our body need to maintain homeostasis,

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the people of society need to be homeostasis and the collective society

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has a autonomic feedback system, if you will,

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maintaining everybody brought into it.

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That's why Emerson and his essays on Compensation says, you know,

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swell the state kill the owner, or he says those that are proud,

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they get humbled, these mechanisms in society. We also have,

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if we go down,

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in Australia instead of the tall poppy syndrome when you get cocky,

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you get knocked down, you also get lifted up by society.

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I mean even our tax systems, if we get cocky and start to get really wealthy,

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we get more and more taxes to try to bring us back into equilibrium by

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economists and if we get down we have less taxes.

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And that's trying to bring some sort of stability instead of having the haves

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and the have nots in society go to extreme and have revolutions.

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So it's a homeostatic mechanism to try to keep us in more financial and

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psychological equilibrium, more authentic.

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Because when we puff ourselves up we tend to get arrogant and narcissistic.

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When we beat ourselves up we tend to get altruistic and humble.

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And when we actually get back to ourself, we actually have grace.

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And one of the signs of grace is a tear of inspiration.

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When you're actually authentic you get a tear in the eye, a tear of gratitude,

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a feeling of gratitude, love, you're inspired, you're enthused,

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you're certain about where you're going and you're present.

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Those are what I call the transcendental confirmations of authenticity.

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But the moment you get down, you get comedy, people try to get you to light up,

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then they try to give you, you know,

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support and praise you and then they try to get you pride building circumstances

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to do things that give you an up swelling. You know,

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people tend to do that when they see the down and out guy.

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And they also in the process of get you back onto highest priorities,

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focus back on highest priorities.

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So we have what is called the the inflating assistance factors

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and the deflating resistance factors as a homeostatic mechanism to

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assist us in actually being authentic.

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So we have in a sense a heterotelic, sociological and theological.

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Theological is just the collective society in the whole

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making sure that we get tragedies or comedies, the two masks,

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to get us back in homeostasis.

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So if we don't automatically listen to our physiology and listen to our

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psychology from within, we end up having to have sociology and theology without.

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People who are self-governed, that's why,

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one of the reasons I teach the Breakthrough Experience,

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to make sure that people live by priority because when they live by

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priority they automatically activate the blood, glucose,

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and oxygen into the forebrain where they have the executive function,

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where they have self-governance,

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where they're more objective and when they're more objective,

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they're less volatile in the fluctuations of judgment of themselves and others.

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They're more authentic. And in that state they have the most wellness quotient,

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the highest level of stability, the most homeostatic state.

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But the second they are doing lower priority things,

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they activate their amygdala,

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which is involved in subjective bias and distortion and they get infatuated or

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resentful easily and then they end up getting pride and shamed inside themselves

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and they end up having perturbation and instability and illness.

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And the illness of the physiology is a feedback system to let you know that you

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have a skewed view and is trying to wake you up.

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It's misinterpreted by most health professionals but

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you symptoms to try to guide you to know how to ask questions,

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which is what I call the Demartini Method in the Breakthrough Experience,

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to help you go back to homeostasis, stabilize yourself and be authentic.

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The magnificence of who you are is far greater than any of the fantasies you

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impose on yourself. And the reality is that if you are authentic,

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you're most stable, you're more well, you have less noise in the brain,

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you have the most stability and most sustainable fair exchange in business.

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You end up having wealth and self-worth,

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you end up having more stable relationships, you

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you end up with more health and fitness you might say,

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and you also would definitely have more of inspiration in your life.

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That's one of the reasons I teach the Breakthrough Experience,

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because in the Breakthrough Experience I can show people with a series of

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questions how to prioritize their life,

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how to determine what is really valuable,

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how to stay on objective in in the executive center where they have

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self-governance and authentic because the highest value,

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in Scientific American 2022 in September October edition I believe,

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there's a fantastic article on how when you're living in the executive center,

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the prefrontal cortex, how that is actually demonstrating the true,

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authentic self, the identity. And it's really a great piece on it.

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But so the second you live by priority and the second you wake up that objective

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state and the second you end up with homeostasis and have autotelia,

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your physiology and your psychology have confirmed that you're authentic with a

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tear of gratitude, a tear of love, a tear of inspiration,

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and a tar of enthusiasm, a tear of presence and

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And the second you go and judge somebody on the outside and put somebody up and

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minimize yourself or put somebody down and exaggerate yourself and become

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consciously and unconsciously split and have emotions,

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the emotions are feedback systems to let you know that you are not seeing things

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as they are, you're seeing things with some bias. Your job is to not have bias.

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Your job is to end up being inspired by your life.

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That's why in the Breakthrough Experience I teach people how to determine what

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their values are, how to prioritize their life,

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how to delegate lower priority things,

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and how to use the Demartini Method on taking anything that's in the past and

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stored in the subconscious mind that's elated or depressed or infatuated or

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resentful or proud or shame or any polarization,

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how to bring them back and neutralize them and bring them into an

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ordered state.

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We have health disorders and psychological disorders the second we don't,

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but we have the hidden order and the true magnificence of our authentic self

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when we do.

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That's why teach people in the Breakthrough Experience

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life,

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how to delegate lower priority things and how to neutralize all of the baggage

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that they may be carrying around the past from past judgments of inauthenticity.

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So autotelia is the path of the master and heterotelia is the path of the

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masses. The masses let the religions on the outside,

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and the politics on the outside determine,

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with their moral hypocrisies how to be,

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which is basically futile in some respects because nobody can be one-sided.

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If you want to have homeostasis, you have to embrace both sides of your life.

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If you're trying to get rid of half of yourself, don't expect homeostasis.

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I've always said that bipolar condition is a byproduct to monopolar addiction.

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The addiction to one side.

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And so moral hypocrisies of trying to be only nice and never mean and only kind

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and never cruel and always positive,

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never negative and always trying to get rid of half of yourself is going to make

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you unstable instead of stabilize you.

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That's why in the Breakthrough Experience I offer a new paradigm in psychology

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because many people are sitting there living in a fantasy that they're going to

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get rid of half of themselves and love themselves,

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or they're going to try to get the,

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negate the one side and only affirm the other side.

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This is a delusion that's sold in the masses,

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it's part of the opium of the masses, but it has no basis in reality.

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So that's why I tell people,

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come to the Breakthrough Experience and let's break some myths that you be

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holding onto, which are futile, that stop you from being your authentic self.

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So what as I said to earlier,

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you want to discover the secrets of being your true self.

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Well the secret is ,

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that you have every possible homeostatic mechanism in your physiology,

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your psychology, your sociology and your theology to help you be there.

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The thing that stops it is the false expectations, the

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the delusions and fantasies about how you're supposed to be that are

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mythologically downloaded on you from external sources,

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from mothers and fathers and preachers and teachers and conventions and

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traditions and mores, these moral

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hypocrisies that nobody can live by that allow people to be disempowered because

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they're trying to be something they can't be. As the Buddha says,

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the desire for that which is unobtainable and the desire to avoid that which is

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unavoidable is the source of human suffering.

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So I'm not interested in trying to promote something that's not going to exist.

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I'm interested in you being able to master your life and you being able to ask

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quality questions that allow you to see both sides and stabilize yourself

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and bring yourself into homeostasis,

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before you let the world on the outside run you.

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You can be a victim of history or master of destiny. It's totally up to you.

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In the Breakthrough Experience, I teach you how to be a master of destiny.

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I show you how to actually get prioritized, delegate, get into focus,

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take away the distractions,

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and get building incremental momentum towards doing something extraordinary on

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planet earth. The real you is extraordinary, the false you isn't.

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So every time you play out the false you, you disempower yourself.

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Every time you play the authentic you, you empower your life.

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Any area of your life you don't empower, somebody's going to overpower.

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That's why I want people to come to the Breakthrough Experience.

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I want to show you how to empower all seven areas of your life,

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your mental genius and awakening of your creative, and innovative,

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ingenious self. I want to show you how to actually build the business,

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grow your business if that's it, and by the way,

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if you think you're not in business, you still are.

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You may be married to somebody and that may be your partner and that's your

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customer and you're in business , you better satisfy your customer.

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And also you may have, you may have a desire to build wealth in your life.

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Most people do.

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And I'm going to show you how to stabilize your self-worth and be able to value

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yourself and have sustainable fair exchange, be able to do that.

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I show you how to stabilize relationships so you have dialogue,

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not alternating monologues. So you can have respect and communication,

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show you how to stand up and prioritize your life and wake up the natural born

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leader inside you.

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Show you how your physiology is creating symptoms and how to interpret those

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symptoms and what they're really saying.

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Even the epigenetic expression of the genes is designed to help you stabilize

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yourself. And you're here to be inspired.

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You're not here to subordinate to necessarily some

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but more to be able to look and realize that if you're doing what you love and

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loving what you're doing with the people you care about and you're inspired by

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what you do and you can't wait to get up in the morning and be of service to

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people that way, then that is a great spiritual contribution on the planet.

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Beware of the dogmas of outside circumstances and outside authorities.

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Let's go within.

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When the voice and the vision on the inside is louder than all opinions on the

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outside, you begin to master your life.

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So I just wanted to share an idea here on discovering the secrets

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of your authentic self, your true self, you might say, but,

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and also how to get in the flow of that.

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That's why I want people to come to the Breakthrough Experience and why I do

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that just about every week, whenever I have,

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if I'm not in the middle of my bigger seminars,

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I'm doing the Breakthrough Experience because that's the one that I'm most

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inspired to do. I love watching people's lives change.

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So if you'd love to spend 24 hours with me instead of just 24 minutes with me or

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30 minutes with me,

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come and join me at the Breakthrough Experience so I

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Demartini Method to dissolve the baggage you may be carrying around,

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lighten the load and be able to go out there and do something extraordinary with

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your life. I've been doing this for 50 years, researching and teaching,

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more than 50 now, and I can't wait to share what I've discovered with you.

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I've helped thousands of people do that and I look forward to doing that with

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you. So thank you for joining me here today on my presentation.

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I look forward to seeing you next week and definitely at the Breakthrough

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