Discover the unexpected source of inner strength and spiritual growth in this powerful conversation. Get ready for a deep dive into self-love, resilience, and empowerment that goes beyond the surface. It's not just theory; it's lived experiences and practical tools shared by a woman who's been through it all. Dive into the conversation now and get ready to unlock your limitless potential. Stay tuned for the unexpected revelations that will transform your personal and professional growth.

My special guest is Aya Eneli, Esq.

Aya Eneli, Esq. is a renowned life coach with over 25 years of experience in personal development and coaching. Her expertise lies in guiding individuals on their journey towards inner strength and spiritual growth. Aya's approach is deeply rooted in her own experiences, making her a relatable and trusted source for those seeking empowerment and resilience. With a passion for helping others, she brings a unique blend of wisdom, compassion, and practical advice to the table. Aya's insights on meditation and scripture for inner strength are sure to resonate with individuals looking to enhance their spiritual well-being and tap into their inner power.

"If you really love yourself, there's no need to base your self worth on putting anybody else down." - Aya Eneli, Esq.

In this episode, you will be able to:

• Unlock your inner potential with personal development strategies for success.
• Embrace your natural sensuality and sexuality for a more fulfilling life.
• Discover the power of meditation and scripture for inner strength.
• Build self-worth and confidence to empower yourself in every aspect of life.
• Advocate for social justice and unity to make a positive impact on the world.

Unleash Your Inner Potential

The essence of having inner potential lies in the ability to navigate life's rendezvous with courage, confidence, and purpose. Harnessing one's unique gifts and talents opens pathways to fresh opportunities and life-changing experiences. Thus, igniting a powerful inner potential can lead to extraordinary transformations and create ripples of positive change throughout our personal and professional lives.

Embrace Sensuality and Sexuality

Sensuality and sexuality, widely regarded as tabs, are fundamentally human aspects that we need to acknowledge and appreciate. Embracing these facets not only improves our personal relationships and self-esteem but also establishes a deep connection with ourselves. Open conversations about sexuality and sensuality can destigmatize the subject and promote a healthier and more respectful understanding of intimacy.

Find Inner Strength through Meditation

Meditation is a powerful tool that fosters inner strength and resilience. It is not merely about gaining peace of mind, it's about establishing a connection with our inner self, and the profound wisdom that can guide us through life's ups and downs. Thus, through consistent practice, meditation can increase self-awareness, amplify inner strength, and boost overall mental well-being.

The resources mentioned in this episode are:

• Purchase the book Your Self Love Revolution on Amazon to start your self-love journey.
• https://a.co/d/598XMNf
• Get the accompanying journal to dig deeper into the self-love journey and enhance your personal growth.
• https://a.co/d/1v23lFU
• Read the book and engage in the daily meditations, affirmations, and journal prompts to strengthen your self-esteem and self-awareness.
• Leave a review on Amazon after reading the book to share your thoughts and help others discover its impact.
• Take action in your community and beyond to stand up for justice and equality, and to make a positive impact in the world.

Other episodes you'll enjoy:

1.Surrendering to God's Will: Empowering Entrepreneurs to Make a Difference

https://player.captivate.fm/episode/67da3da6-40bb-4b7d-8a72-8ac64f08ad12

2. The Power of Publicity: How to Leverage the Media to Increase Your Credibility :

https://player.captivate.fm/episode/95ff736b-2b13-40d8-ba74-8da656fba83e

3.Mastering Streaming TV for Small Business Entrepreneurs with Zondra Evans

https://player.captivate.fm/episode/b945aec4-034a-4f8d-ade3-524a07233794

Connect with me here:

• https://www.linkedin.com/company/laquita-s-toolbox/
• https://www.facebook.com/groups/1559496044240163
• https://www.youtube.com/LMonleyToolbox
• https://www.laquitamonley.com/laquitastoolbox
• https:www.twitter.com/laquitamonley1

Loved this episode?

Leave us a review and rating here:

Apple Podcast: LaQuita’s Toolbox on Apple Podcasts

Podchaser: https://www.podchaser.com/podcasts/laquitas-toolbox-1727407

Nges on identity. It is the compass of our

that aligns with the Holy Spirit to

fulfill the Father's will. Wrapped up in

identity is who we are, the purpose of our

being, and every God breathed promise that

manifests as our success. Hello, I'm

Laquida Monloy and I'm the author of

Redefining Success eight tools that I use

to develop a growth mindset in this

amazing book. Not would I share with you

eight tools that I use for growth mindset,

but I'll also share the applicable

principles based on God's word that you

can easily implement in your life journey.

So no matter where you are and no matter

where you see yourself in the future, this

book will be a tool that you need for your

toolbox. Don't wait. Get it today and it

can be found on Amazon by simply searching

redefining success eight tools that I use

for a growth mindset take care. Welcome

back to another amazing episode of

Laquita's toolbox. I am your host, Laquita

Monley, and I am absolutely excited to be

able to be with you guys on today. Listen,

guys, if you are new to the toolbox

community, listen, let me tell you, get

something to write with and something to

write on because we have an absolutely

fabulous guest in studio with us today.

None other than Miss Aya Anneli. And if

you're not familiar with Aya, I'm going to

read her bio here in just a moment. But

before I do that, let me take a moment to

thank our sponsors at Covenant Press.

Covenant Press is a faith based christian

apparel and accessory shop where we as

believers are able to shop online for

clothing and accessories that allow us to

wear the message of the love of Jesus

Christ. Go out to www. Covenant.

[unk]press com. Again, that's WW Covenant

Press. Shop until you drop, ladies and

gentlemen. But do not click off of those

pop ups too quickly because they contain

valuable discount codes that when applied

at checkout, you can receive savings on

your purchases through Covenant press.

Again, that's WW Covenant Press. Like I

said, guys, if you're new to the Laquitist

toolbox channel, get something to write

with, something to write on. Hit those

notification bells so that you can be

notified when we release new episodes

every Tuesday on your favorite audio

podcast platform, as well as every

Thursday evening. We release them live on

your various social media platforms,

LinkedIn, YouTube, Twitter, Twitch, and

now Instagram. So you guys don't want to

miss any opportunity for any new episodes

that are being released. So hit those like

share and subscribe buttons so you can

receive notifications when new episodes

are releasing. And before I bring up Miss

Aya, let me just give y'all a little bit

about who she is and some of the things

that she does. But in this conversation

today, we're going to have a deeper dive

into who she is and her passions, as well

as her new book. We're making sure we're

going to talk about her new book. Ms. Aya

Annelli is an attorney, writer, community

activist, and healer. At the tender age of

eight, she delivered a keynote speech for

the Federal Republic of Nigeria's national

celebration of the international Year of

the Child. She earned four degrees in

seven years from the Ohio State

University, including a bachelor's of arts

degree in political science and English, a

master's degree in black studies, and a

jurist doctorate. She is featured in an

encyclopedia of Path breaking women at the

Ohio State University. She is the CEO of

AYA and Nelly International. She is a

certified life coach and international

speaker, serving clients in 13, you heard

it, 13 countries. Aya was a newspaper

columnist for over a decade and has been

highlighted in various media outlets

including MSNBC, ABC, PBS, Entrepreneur

magazine, Black Enterprise, and the

Detroit Free Press. She is the visionary

behind the Emma Johnson oh Lord, I should

have asked her how to say this. The Emma

Johnson Warrior award. I skipped the name,

y'all, but I'm going to get her to correct

it here in just a minute. I don't want to

butcher it. Which is an initiative

designed to promote literacy, agriculture

and cultural preservation in the Apuma

kingdom in Nigeria, where she established

the only functioning public library.

Additionally, she is the driving force

behind intelligent and talented girls.

That's it, girls. A program committed to

empowering and educating girls and young

women with leadership and success

strategies in the US and beyond. Ms.

Annelli is the author of notable works

including live your abundant life, reclaim

your life, guidance for wives at the

crosswords, and live your abundant life

too. And your self love revolution, a 30

day woman's guide to embracing divinity

and creating the life of your dreams. Like

wow, she is an amazing woman of God and I

am absolutely excited to have her on

Laquita's toolbox. I know she's going to

bless our hearts today. Like I said, get

something to write with and write on

because you don't want to miss any of the

gems that she's going to gift us with on

today. Ms. Aya, how are you? How are you?

Welcome to the toolbox, Ms. Lakita. I am

so honored to be part of your show this

podcast. You absolutely have worked

everything that you shared in your book,

redefining success. And if anyone hasn't

gotten it, go get your copy now, because

there are people who talk the talk, and

then there are people who actually walk

the walk, and you have walked everything

that you are teaching in that book. I need

to get my copy autographed, actually. So

next time, hopefully I can run into you or

we can plan to meet up. But it's such an

honor to be on your show today. Thank you

so much. Amen. Thank you. Thank you. I

assure you the honor is mine. I remember

my first time hearing you speak, and it

was at an event hearing colleen. I was

invited last minute. Let me be honest, it

probably wasn't a last minute invite. It

was probably something I paid attention to

last minute, but I'm glad that I did. And

when I walked into the room, I think I may

have been the only person on my row that

didn't know who you were. And the

individuals who were with me at that time

was like, just get something to write with

and watch out like you want to hear her?

And I was like, oh, my God, I need to know

her. I need to know her better. Just the

things that you shared in that black

business week, that opening day of the

first Texas black business week here in

Colleen, the inaugural celebration, it was

so powerful. I don't know how anybody,

male or female, could have left out of

that room not inspired to become the very

best versions of themselves. So that's

really what you do. So I'm going to stop

talking and I'm going to let you let the

people like, I know I read your resume,

and that's just a portion of your resume,

but there's nothing better than hearing

the story from the person themselves. So

if you don't mind, share a little bit of

your story, and we're going to make sure

we dive into your new book as well. Wow. I

can honestly say that when you were

reading that resume, I was dumbfounded. If

I had a tagline, well, a couple of

taglines, one would be live purposefully.

The second one would be just an ordinary

person doing extraordinary things. When I

look at my life, I was fortunate to have

been born to parents who were very driven

and focused and loved God and had a sense

of community, understood that whatever

gifts we have are not for us, for

ourselves, but to share, to leave the

world better than how we found it. And

that's what has shaped everything about

me. And so at no point in time with any of

the quote unquote, achievements or

accolades. Was I sitting down and like,

okay, I got to check this box, and. Then I

got to check this box. It was pretty much

wake up every morning and try to be the

best version of yourself that you can be

and let everything else fall into place.

However, I don't chase fame. I don't chase

notoriety or anything. I just show up and

I work to the best of my ability without

comparing myself to anyone. Because

comparison will do one of two things. It

will either cause you to become despondent

because you're looking at other people and

you're feeling less than, and you just

like, I can't do it. I give up. And you

find all of these reasons why your dreams

are not for you, or it could cause you to

become very prideful. And we know what the

Bible says about pride, where now you

think you're so much better than everybody

else, and you have a right to look down on

people or to treat people less than human.

And so for me, it has always been, just

stay in your lane, so to speak. We are all

created in God's divine image. We all have

gifts, we all have abilities. One person

does not have to be exactly like the other

person. And so how do I show up as the

best version of myself today, knowing that

if you're not growing, you're dying, so

every day you should be trying to get

better? So my best version today,

hopefully, is a lot better than my best

version a while ago. As a matter of fact,

my first book was published in 2004. So

it's been 20 years exactly this year. And

I was talking with my team, and they were

like, you need to do a 20th year

anniversary book edition. And I went back

and I read that first book, and I was

like, oh, my God, I am so embarrassed that

this is what I put out into the world. But

you know what? I believed it. At that

point. From my vantage point, this was it.

And so I'm glad to see the growth, I'm

glad that the foundation remains the same,

but that there's been a maturity, there's

been more wisdom, and hopefully I will get

around to getting that 20th edition

anniversary edition out. But for anyone

watching this, it is so easy to feel like,

oh, well, if I just had this or if I just

had that, we're always waiting to live.

And what I would say is, really all we

have is right this moment. Show up as the

best you do, the best you can. It might

not be, quote, the world may not see it,

may not applaud it, but you need to do

what you were put here to do. And I'll end

this part with just this. Know, I live in

central Texas, as you know, and today it's

been a very dreary day, right? It's been

cloudy, overcast. All of. We. I haven't

personally been able to see the sun, but

guess what? The sun is still up there.

It's doing its thing. That's why we have

some warmth. And the sun shows up

regardless of whether they're going to be

clouds covering it or not, regardless of

whether we even notice that it's there or

not. And that's how I want to be. I want

to be as consistent as the sun. Like, you

can count on me to rise every morning.

God, give me breath. I'm going to rise and

I'm going to do what I've been called to

do. That's real good. That's real good. Be

consistent as the sun rise every morning,

doing the thing that you've been purposed

in this earth to do, doing the very thing

that God created you to do. And that's

powerful right there. Earlier today, I was

in a class, and I'm in a course that's

funded by Wells Fargo for women

entrepreneurs, and had a really great day

today in class. And one of the things that

we were asked is, why do we do what we

know? Look in for that deeper why? And

what I've discovered, even with doing,

I've done similar exercises and doing this

exercise, how it challenged a lot of women

because they did not fully grasp what you

just said. They didn't know what they were

called to do. They didn't understand their

purpose and how that related to. So they

had to really search deep for their core

values to come up with that deeper sense

of, why do I do what I do? Like your

surface level wise, they're not wrong, but

they're not going to sustain you. Exactly.

They're not going to sustain you. But when

you said what you strive to be is to be

consistent as the sun, you can say that. I

believe that you can say that and mean it

and stand on it, because you fully

understand who you are and what you've

been called to do. So you can consistently

do that and rise like the sun every

morning. That's a powerful statement. And

that just speaks to you, understanding who

you are and what you've been created to

do. I'll try to make a quick segue from

here into your book, your self love

revolution. Because even in saying that,

that just brought me back to a couple of

things from the book that really stood

out. And we're not going to talk about

everything. You all, so you all but being

nosy, thinking you're going to get all the

good stuff, that is not what's about to

happen in this conversation. We couldn't

even if we tried. Number one, we couldn't

if we tried. We need three or four

episodes. But you got to go buy the book.

That would be helpful. Yes, you have to go

buy the book because that's an investment,

right? That's an investment in your

personal development. That is an

investment for me. I believe that personal

development is a direct tie into

sustainable professional development. Like

many of us have been in the workplace.

Fortunate or unfortunate, it depends on

your viewpoint with people who are great

at what they do, but they lacked any human

skills whatsoever. Horrible, horrible.

They just create a toxic work environment

for everybody. Everybody's full of joy

until that person enters the space and

you're like, oh, my God. Yes, we know we

could count on you to meet the goals. We

know we could count on you for crashing,

for crushing, excuse me, every KPI, but

you are not a good human. And personal

development is important. And I think that

a lot of people who suffer in that area or

who are unwilling to do that type of work

for personal development is because they

lack self love. There's something about

themselves that they don't want to dig

into because it's painful. It means I have

to change all of these things that every

person who does personal development work,

we have to realize that about ourselves.

And so for those that are listening, if

you can take us on a little bit or help us

understand, let me say that we're not

going to take a journey through the book.

We're going to talk about the book, but

help us to understand what the passion was

behind creating this great work. I'm so

glad you asked because when I was talking

earlier about being as consistent as the

sun, I know that there are women, men

also, because this book was written for

women, but there are men right now in my

30 day program who are gleaning the

information because if you're human, we're

all having a human experience. Okay?

Right. So when I was saying, be as

consistent as the sun, I could just feel

that there were some of your viewers who

are like, I guess your life is just

perfect because you've never dealt with

depression, you've never dealt with those

blows that just kind of knock the wind out

of you. And so I think that you all would

be not necessarily glad, but you would be

relieved to know that this book was

birthed out of grief. I've been a life

coach since 1996. I've been studying and

improving myself and helping to work on

other people, help other people, help

guide other people to do their work. I

can't work on anybody. They got to do

their work. So there's a lot that I know,

but there's often a gap between what we

know and what we do, and then there's a

gap between what we do and what we do

consistently. I mean, like, everybody

knows what it takes to lose weight, okay?

But weight loss continues to be the number

one goal of people across this country and

increasingly across the world, because we

don't necessarily do what we know. So,

anyway, with this book, my younger brother

passed away in December. He transitioned

in December of 2021. Like I said, he was

my younger brother. He was healthy. An

actor, a producer. He has some movies on

Netflix. He'd got a marriage just three

years before, like, everything was looking

up. Very healthy. And when he was

diagnosed with cancer, I just knew he was

going to beat it, because he was so

healthy, and he had such a great outlook

on life, and he was so loving and giving,

and I was like, it's not his time. He's

too young. Actually, I never even

entertained the fact that he could

possibly die from cancer. Never crossed my

mind. I just knew he was going to beat it.

He didn't beat it. On this side of life. I

know he's a powerful ancestor where he is.

And when he passed on, when he

transitioned, I lost my bearing. If you've

ever been disoriented, like, where am I?

What's going on? Maybe you woke up in a

start, and you're like, I lost my bearing,

laquita. I got up every morning because I

had kids and I had responsibilities, but

once I got done with whatever I had to do,

I was deflated again. I just could not get

myself to function. I couldn't get myself

to dream. I mean, I was still doing things

because I never totally stand still, but

not with heart. It was very robotic, like,

okay, we got to do this, and now we got to

do this. Yeah. And last year, about this

time, actually, my birthday is in January.

I told my family, I don't want anything. I

just need to go away for a few days just

by myself. I need no cake. I don't need

nothing. Don't call me. I'll call you. And

I went away and just spent three days by

myself, just in deep meditation and

introspection and journaling. And crying

and just the things that sometimes

mothers, we don't want to do in front of

our children, right? And I came home, and

a picture that we had created as part of

our grieving process for my brother, that

was huge picture, and it's heavy. That was

hanging on the wall and had been hanging

on the wall since December of 2021. Now,

in January of 2023, I came home and it was

on the ground. And I was like, what

happened? And my son said, there was just

a big thought. It just fell. And in that

moment, even though I had not been at home

when it fell, I felt a thought in my

spirit, and I felt like my brother took me

by the shoulders and was just like, what

is your problem? Like, get up and live.

You saw me fight to live. So how is it

that you have breath and you are here not

living? Like, get up and live. He was

shaking me. And at that point, I was like,

okay, I will. And then I was like, okay,

where do I start? Like, I've been lost for

so long. Where do I start? And it's like,

get back to love. Get back to loving

yourself. Get back to understanding your

value. Get back understanding your

purpose. Get back love. And I was like,

okay, I can take instructions. I'll start

a self love journey. That's what I said.

And I'm walking with a girlfriend. And I

said, okay, I'm going to do a 30 day

thing. I want to be really accountable. I

want to be consistent. I don't want to

fall back into my really, I was depressed.

I don't want to fall back into depression

and that mechanical thing. And so I

started, and then I told her, I said, you

know what? I think I need to do this. Not

on YouTube, on Facebook. Why? Because it

will force me to stay accountable. Because

there are other people now who are like,

oh, she said she was going to be on here

00 a.m. Every morning. So every

morning in March of last year, for 30

days, I was on working out publicly what I

was working on internally. That's good.

And after that, I was like, okay, we did

the 30 days, and of course it revealed

other things that I knew to do that I had

done in the past and had neglected to do.

And now I'm really in a rhythm. And it's

like, okay, now you need to share this

with the world. And I was working on a

totally different book. And I'm like, hey,

I got a schedule. I got a deadline. I'm

working on this. And it's like, no, put

that to the side and publish this first.

Right. And so that's where this book came

from. So when I talk about your self love

revolution, what do we think? When we

think revolution, it's a total change of

order. It's a complete radical shift.

Shift. And so many of us are stuck where

we are right now, thinking that this is

all life has to offer. Making do,

settling, being unhappy, using drugs,

alcohol, Netflix, food, work to numb our

feelings. Come on. Some of us are really

these zombies, these mechanical things.

And the jolt I had was. There's got to be

a revolution, Aya. And guess what, Aya.

This time you're going to get on this

journey and you're going to stay on it.

And because there's a revolution, not

because you made a little change, you've

completely destroyed the old order. Yes. I

was just going to say that. You can't go

back to it. That was a shift of power.

Yes. And you can't go back to what was.

Yes. So in the future, I may write about

other things, but I'm never going to write

again about. I was so depressed, I

couldn't function. Because a revolution

has occurred. Come on. And I am so deeply

connected right now. The subtitle of the

book is a guide to embracing divinity. I

am so deeply connected to my creator. Come

on, now. That's good. That I'm unshakable

at this point. That's real good. I almost

don't want to say it because then you kind

of get a test. But you know what? There's

a part of me that's like, bring it on.

Yes. I'm so ready. And this is what I want

for my sisters. This is what I want for

other women. This is what I want for us as

parents so that we can heal, so that we

can raise healthier children. Come on.

That's real good. Because our community is

hurting, and a lot of it has to do with

this lack of self love. And if we talk

about the black community in particular,

there's so much that. Yes, white supremacy

is doing to us, but there's so much we are

now doing to ourselves as a result of the

trauma we experience. For me, it is time

for us to heal. We could talk about that

part. It is time for us to. Right. Like,

I'm like, oh, wait a minute. That's got to

be a part, too, because I'm from the deep

south originally. Yes. I live in central

Texas, which is still in the south, but

I'm from Mississippi, born and raised and

without a shadow of a doubt in my mind. I

don't care where I've lived and traveled

to across the world, praise God. I thank

God for it. But I am under no mistaken

impression that systemic racism is not

alive and well globally. Not just in our

country, but globally. That spirit of

colonialism has not left this world. No,

ma'am, it has not left this world. And I

believe that we, as bona fide believers in

Christ, that that is a very strategic

prayer point in order for us to help

people from any diaspora, to help

indigenous people from all over the planet

to start their healing journey, because

our identities were lost in that. And that

trickled down through generations. And for

me, just my personal story of coming into

a place where understanding my identity

until I understood who God was, not what

had been said to me, and even though it

was said to me in love, people can only

teach you from their level of

understanding that part. But when you get

a deeper understanding and understand that

we as people of color, and I'll just drop

this quick nugget. If those of you that

are believers in Christ and you ever have

someone to try to disparage you in any

way, the God that has written this love

letter for us and our origins are all over

West Africa, East Africa and North Africa.

And I'm going to leave it at know. The

oldest university, biblical university on

the planet is in North Africa, and Africa

is Africa. I don't care whether you. From

Egypt to Africa. That's right. That's

right. Get on your urban apologetics. Let

me say that, and I'm going to leave that

there. But you better get on your urban

apologetics. But you're so right that

healing, that love, that things that are

broken inside of us that we don't even

know is broken. And while you keep running

around on these hamster wheels like, God,

I did this, I'm doing that. I'm doing

this, and I'm doing that. And he's saying,

because you don't know who I created you

to be. You don't know who I created you to

be, because you don't know who I am yet.

Let me show you who I am. So I can show

you who you are. Yes. And you can learn to

allow and to identify what real love is

and open yourself up to be loved by me so

that I can teach you how to

unconditionally love others. And that will

just, in my opinion, whatever my two cent

is worth, it. Is worth a lot. I believe

that's a freedom process. And that's some

of the things that I saw, as I went

through your book, and I love that it's a

workbook. But for me, it is more powerful

because it is a workbook. Because it

forces me to be accountable. It forces me

to be introspective. It forces, and it

challenges me to dig deeper within myself,

dig deeper within the text. And you know

what I wrote it for? Quote unquote busy

people, busy women. So it's 30 days. The

chapters are pretty much day one, day two,

day three, so on and so forth. I wrote it

so that you can read the lesson for each

chapter in 15 to 30 minutes, even if

you're not a very fast reader. 30 minutes.

And it has meditation, because meditation

for me is key. That is when we get quiet.

That is when we close out all of the

nonsense, the garbage, and we can really

hear from God. It includes affirmations.

So there are over 300 affirmations in this

book for every situation that you may

have. And then it includes some journal

prompts. Because what journaling does for

us is that it helps us to really discover

ourselves. It helps us to excavate

ourselves. That's good. And in the

sanctity and the quiet and the solitude of

your journal, you can have those

conversations with yourself that maybe you

don't want to have out loud. And they're

very important because everybody, we all.

I'm going to come out here on. Your

podcast and say, do that. That's not what

we do. We put our best foot forward. But

it's important for my growth, for me to

have those conversations with myself about

the areas where I do need to grow.

Absolutely. Where there are some

shortcomings, where it has been

problematic. And some of us are not having

those conversations really easy. Yeah, it

is set up to be a relatively easy read.

And the reviews so far have been amazing.

There are some chapters where the feedback

I've gotten is, I'm going to have to stay

a week on this one. And that's good

because you identify a place. Now, this is

a very funny story. All of you watching

who are sanctified, don't at me, because

God created sex as well. But there's a

chapter on sex and sensuality, which in

this day and age, we really need to talk

about what sensuality means, because it

doesn't mean have all your stuff out on

front street for everybody at all times.

That is not what it means to be a woman

who is in charge of her sexuality or her

sensuality, in my opinion. But there is a

meditation in there that is designed to

get us to be more in touch with our bodies

as the temples that they are, but still

acknowledging, yes, that we were created

with sexual desires. We are sensual beings

as well as spiritual beings. Right. And I

have had some people inbox me, and they

were like, aya, you need to put a

disclaimer on this one. Don't put no

disclaimer on it. Put, like, some big

exclamation points and say, start here

first. No, this sister said she was trying

to break up with her significant other and

they'd really actually plan to go there.

Yeah. And she says, I did that meditation.

I went and jumped on that man. Two thumbs

up for her. Right. I love that because let

me echo you and Amy and you. And this is

my podcast, so I got your back. Right. So,

a lot of times, statistically, in the

church, in the body of Christ, the divorce

rate is extremely high. Extremely high.

And over the years, my husband and I have

grown to the place where now we can

encourage others in our. In their

marriage. And so we hear. Amen. Thank you

for that a lot. Amen. Thank you. It was a

journey, and maybe we'll talk about that

on another podcast. Well, you can't give

what you haven't received. So the best

marriage counselors are the people who've

been through something. Otherwise, you're

just out here just talking fairy tales,

right? Yes. It's something you didn't

thought about. And it sound good and it

brief. Well, but you have no idea the

practicality of it. But sex and finance.

Sex, finance and children and in laws,

those are the top things that are

oftentimes discussed with us. And some of

the brothers, like, there's this young

couple that we're talking to, like, my

son's age. They're in their 28, 27. And so

when that conversation came, I was

thinking to myself on the inside, baby,

what's wrong with you? Was I saved, like,

bunnies up in this piece, like, what are

you doing? But a lot of times in the body

of Christ, it's so taboo, and I don't

understand the origins of it. Like, who

was the fella that came up with that lie

that as women, we are not sensual

creatures. We don't desire to be with men

the way that men desire to be with us. If

we didn't have those desires on the inside

of us, God didn't create us that way, then

why would he create the man that way? He's

not the author of confusion. Somebody

created that lie, and people bought it

over the years. And when we're having

these conversations and sometimes I get

negative feedback. And my answer is this

to men and women. If men are so sexual and

sensual that they can't control themselves

and they go on out and sleeping with three

and four and five different women, they're

sleeping with women that mean those women

want them. He was sleeping with you. He

wants you. Unlock and discover, what are

your hold ups in the bedroom. If it's

trauma, I got you. I understand. Work

through that. But if it's because you're

believing a lie, just don't do that. Well,

but that's what we do in the church,

though. I mean, you are taught as a girl,

not boys, but the girls in. Particular,

read the song of. No, no, exactly.

Solomon, listen, if they don't tell you

that that came from the Bible and you just

read it somewhere, you'd be like, oh,

that's scandalous. And Solomon loved a

couple of different things as an adult.

When I read it, I was like, oh, let me

highlight that and show that to me. But I

think in the church, what happens is that

we hammer this into women about, into

young girls. Be chaste and be pure, and we

teach them that sex is a bad thing. Right,

right. And then you get married and you're

expected to flip switch. Well, if you've

indoctrinated me into thinking it's a bad

thing all this time, and boom, I got

married. And now all of a sudden I'm

supposed to think, this is amazing and be

open to exploration. It's tough. We're

doing the church a disservice, the. Way

that we teach this service. When my

daughter came to me, she was about 1516,

and I was happy and I was sad all at the

same time. I was happy that she came to me

with the conversation. I was sad because

I'm actually having this conversation. I

only have one daughter, and we were in

Germany. I will never forget it. Standing

in the kitchen, cooking. Almost dropped

that whole bowl. But I'm trying to keep it

together on the outside, because if she's

seeing me freak out, we'll never talk,

like, come back. That's right. She'll

never come back. And what amazed her was

when I told her, sex feels great. Sex is

wonderful. I love it. I enjoy it. And when

you're partnered with the right person,

the person that you're going to spend the

rest of your life with, then that makes it

even better. So all of these things that

you see your friends experiencing

negatively, that wasn't the way God

designed it to be. He wouldn't have

designed something for us. To do and then

say, no, don't do that. That's naughty for

you. I want you to do it. I think, great,

but don't do it. No, that's not how that

works. My 20 year old. And she'll cringe

when she hears this. I just had that

conversation with her just yesterday, and

I was like, sex is a beautiful thing. It's

wonderful with the right person under the

right circumstances. But if you're doing

all of this stuff and then worrying about,

did I get pregnant? Whose baby is it? All

of that, that's a little much. And that's

an indicator that you probably shouldn't

be doing this. And my daughter was just.

Her eyes were so big. She was like, mom,

you started the conversation. That was my

daughter. She was like, no, I don't want

to hear this from you. I was like, I had

five of you, all right, right. There you

go. I've got five of you all. We enjoy

that. I'm not Virgin Mary, right? I'm not

married. But she was amazed. But again, I

was very much happy that she had that

conversation with me because I didn't want

her to experience some of the things that

I did growing up and being at my

grandmother's house, we just didn't talk

about it. It was a sin. Don't do it till

you get married. That was it. The other

aspects of it, then trying to find out

information from other people and during

the time frame that I was a young person,

oh, good girls do this, bad girls do that.

And now I'm confused because I kind of

like that. And so now you're telling me,

no, I'm not. Yes, I'm not. I'm 100%

normal. So I didn't want my daughter to

experience that. Like, no, it's great.

God, everything God created, it is good.

He created it for a reason. As a matter of

fact, he said, do it frequently and often.

I mean, he does, though, doesn't he? So if

you are listening and you're like, I don't

know, I'm blocked in this area. Go do that

meditation for that chapter. It will help

you out. Yes, go straight to that chapter.

We've been joking. But seriously, I think

for some women, going to that chapter is

necessary in their self love journey

because they've not accepted that portion

of themselves. That's a huge portion that

could be causing them conflict in their

relationships, which is hindering them in

a lot of ways. Right. So every chapter is

a good chapter. I'm going to just let you

know. I'm glad you there is one. On

honoring ourselves and releasing shame.

Probably that's the chapter that so far I

have gotten the most feedback on, because

unfortunately, we are subject to a lot of

shame on a lot of different levels. And if

I talk black women in particular, because

I'm a black woman, it could be everything

from our skin color to our body type to

whether we grew up with money or didn't

grow up with money, to whether we, quote

unquote, had good hair or didn't our

facial features. There's just so much

already just because of this standard of

beauty that is not us, that has prevented

some of us from seeing our own beauty, and

we get bullied in our own community, and

then let's not talk about the sexual

molestation that occurs. Then you add the

racism. Actually, no, I should say a lot.

For a lot of the feedback that I've gotten

from different readers, people have really

honed in on the chapter that deals with

honoring yourself and releasing shame.

Yes, that's real good. I mean, all of that

that you just said. Just thinking back to

some of the things having, I think for me,

a positive of having grown up in my small

hometown was this. A lot of my teachers

were african american women. Hallelujah,

they were african. And I didn't understand

how much of a blessing that was until my

daughter was going through middle school

and high school, and she was middle school

in the UK and high school in Germany. And

we were military. And so we have this

multicultural situation going on, and

we're know going in as parents, we were

intentionally in these places,

intentionally, because we wanted our

children to experience living abroad and

not just seeing the world from an american

perspective. It was very intentional, very

narrow perspective. Yes, we were there

very intentionally. And even during those

times, we intentionally did not go to

church. On the military installations, as

it were, we found west african churches in

Germany. Our pastor was nigerian. In

England. Our pastor was ghanaian. Very,

because we wanted our children to

experience, like, the african people that

we met while living in America had become

very americanized. But a lot of people do

that. And what we found when we were

initially moving into both countries is

that african peoples, or even caribbean

peoples who are living in other countries

maintain a large degree of their culture,

like it's cultural pockets in these

cities. And that was a very beautiful

thing. Like, we want our children to this

because, no, I can't trace my bloodline.

Your dad, he can trace his bloodline a lot

further than I can. But then we can have

these conversations. Right. But what we

found is things were great in the

communities that we had become a part of

while living abroad because we had

immersed ourselves in very positive

communities, not just church, but in

caribbean and african cultures. Right. But

when she was back on base at school, she

faced the microaggressions and racism and

racism from within the black community

because of her hair type and her skin

tone, she got the things. You're pretty

for a black girl. What does that mean?

What is that? Never heard that growing up.

I mean, I'm short, and I'm what you would

call a brick house. An old guy told me

that once, like, you're brick. That was

like, song. So then when I told my mama,

she was like, oh, he's just saying, you

fine. Okay, I got you. Right? So I grew up

with that. I didn't have issues with my

skin tone or my hair or the way my body

was made because it was highly desirable

by African Americans in my community,

wasn't my daughter's experience. And when

we would talk about it a little bit and

when she finally started telling me more

things, and she was a cheerleader at the

time, and what they wanted her to coach

was african american. And when she said

some stuff, I lost all of my jesus, and I

wanted to beat that lady up in front of my

house. It's like, I suggest you leave

right now. But the Holy Spirit spoke to me

and take her 30 days back home and praise

God that my husband had a career where we

could do that. So for 30 days, I took her

back to Mississippi to give her to ground.

Hearing me say it, hearing some of our

other african american friends and

caribbean african friends, hearing someone

say that, especially when they love you,

is different than experiencing that. And

so being able to take her back to my

hometown and having her to experience that

for real, especially from young people in

her age group, it completely changed her

perspective. And so that chapter that you

have there. Oh, that's phenomenal. And

lots of african american and just people

of color, period, need that chapter. They

need that chapter because I didn't

understand the vast difference between the

way that I was raised and in school and

hearing people affirm me, not even

realizing they were affirming me, versus.

It's great to be multicultural, but don't

lose who you are in that. And let someone

tell you that who you are is less than

when the whole time, they're appropriating

everything that we do and giving

themselves cancer in the process. Thank

you. Because now big lips are in and big

booties are in. Anyway, we could go on on

that and to that extent, that immersion in

her community, in her culture, that could

affirm her and remind her of the beauty in

her. That's what the meditations in this

book every day do for us in terms of

getting quiet, because most of us are

never quiet. It's always something, right?

And training yourself, and people tell me

the meditations are hard to do. And I was

like, yeah, it's like, okay, for anything

new that you're starting, it's going to

take a while. And then as you lean into it

and keep doing it, you're going to get

better at it. But quieting your mind and

just being able to sit in the presence of

God and to let God love on you and to

remind you about why you are so special,

for you to see your attributes or God's

attributes in yourself, it's a powerful

thing. And once you're grounded in that,

it doesn't matter what the world is

saying. Like, the world cannot shake my

self esteem. I'm absolutely clear in who I

am, and every day I'm learning more about

who I am, and I'm getting stronger in that

knowledge and in that power. So even if

you want to look at this from a christian

perspective, because I know that there are

people who are not necessarily of the

christian faith who may be watching this.

What did Jesus say? Greater things than

what I've done will you do in my name.

Didn't Jesus say. Fully expect for myself

that as I continue to grow, I am laying

hands on people and they're being healed?

I am speaking a word into someone and it

produces fruit. I can curse a tree and it

dies, which is why I'm very careful with

my words. Why not the same power that

resides in Jesus, that resided in Jesus or

Buddha or Muhammad or any of the spiritual

leaders people want to bring up? That same

power resides in me. It comes from the

creator. And as I meditate and I pray, I'm

connected directly to that source, and I

function in that power. It's amazing, the

power of meditation. Having those daily

meditations are such a blessing. The

scripture commands us to meditate, and I

think as christians that part. We don't

read the scriptures for ourselves. Let me

say that when we don't read the scriptures

for ourselves, we erroneously associate

meditation with something that's dark and

evil. Joshua one, just as an example. And

psalms one clearly tell you. Joshua one,

six through nine, and psalms one, verses

one through three. And then the latter

part of psalms tell you what happens if

you don't meditate. So Joshua tells you

what happens when you do, when you

meditate on this word day and night, and

you observe to do simply, meaning, I

endeavor to obey what is written therein.

It doesn't say that God will make our way

prosperous. It says that we will make our

way prosperous and have good success

because of the obedience that we have

come. On now and preach. But it says that

the power of meditation. If I'm meditating

on his word day and night, day and night,

that means that also gives me ammunition.

That gives the Lord something to work

with, because when I am meditating on that

and his word is in me, David said, how can

a young man cleanse his ways except by

taking heed there into his word? But his

word has got to be in me. This also tells

me that when the enemy rushes in like a

flood, when those negative thoughts come,

those fiery darts come, the spirit of the

Lord will lift up a standard on the inside

of us. What is that standard? It has to be

built and based on the word. So then that

declaration, God's word, can come up

conqueror. Yeah. I'm created as women

because what does. The Bible tell us?

David encouraged himself in the world.

What do you think that encouragement was?

It's affirmations. His affirmations.

You're speaking power into yourself. You

are. As women, we are fearfully and

wonderfully made in the image of God.

Don't let anybody tell you anything

different. If you are in a situation or

circumstance or you've believed in a

misogynistic lies. The Lord said you were

created in his image and in his likeness,

and he gave you power and authority and

dominion. Yes. He's a creative being with

creative power. So if he can speak it and

it can exist, you can too. As women, we

are creative and powerful, spiritually and

naturally. We give birth spiritually and

naturally and naturally. Literally. And I

tell men this all the time. I was like all

of you all came through a woman. What are

you talking about? If there was no me,

there would be no you, Ma. Eve is mother

of all. I think that is one of the english

definitions of the word. Right. And here's

the thing is, if you really love yourself,

there's no need to base your self worth on

putting anybody else down. Come on, that's

real. If I know my value, I don't have to

devalue someone else to make myself feel

better, right? I can honor my value and

honor their value. Yes, absolutely. So

whenever I see whether it's any of the

isms, racism, ageism, sexism, all of that

it really is born out of your sense of

inadequacy. And so now my presence is so

threatening to you that you feel, I got to

crush her or I got to put her down, or

I've got to create laws that give me an

advantage because low key, as my kids will

say, low key. You don't think you can

compete? Come on. First of all, you think

it's a competition because we really don't

have to be in competition. But second of

all, you really don't feel like you can

compete. And so you've got to make sure

that the playing field is not level, it's

not equal, so that you can get ahead. So

every time you set those kind of rules up,

whether you're a man doing it for women or

whether you're of the caucasian race, and

you do, it's really a reflection of how

inadequate you feel. Yes. Come on, now.

Come on, now. Why am I. So that

superintendent down there in the Houston

area that had the audacity, the

unmitigated goal, can I say it like that?

One of my favorite preachers says that he

has the audacity in 2024. In 2024, to

write that full page article. He paid

money to let every. On the. Isn't that

taxpayers money? Did he pay the money?

Yes, he paid all that money to let the

world know that the lens of which he views

the world and everything in it is skewed,

because as Americans, does that mean we

need to conform, then? That means you need

to conform, too. Everybody does not have

to conform to you. Conform to what,

exactly? It does not have to form one

particular people group's way of life and

thoughts and actions. We don't have to

conform to that. So what are we saying

here? He definitely showed how wretched

his soul is. Yes, because I don't know

what that child's hairstyle has to do with

anything. Has to do with his ability to.

Learn or how it's preventing anybody else

from learning. I mean, you look at all the

issues we have to deal with in the state

of Texas and how poor our educational

system is, and that is where you're

putting your effort and your money right

there. You're putting all that energy into

something that literally, to me, is

inconsequential. The young man's hair

looked amazing. It looked amazing. I mean,

he wasn't walking so black people like

Julio. It was braided. It was down like it

wasn't a distraction. Black people and

anybody who loves justice, Hispanics,

Asians, white folk who love justice, you

have to register to vote, and you have to

go out and vote and you have to vote for

people who respect the humanity of

everyone. Yes, I'm Republican. I'm

Democrat. I'm actually not registered as

either. This is really about good versus

evil. And when you see people telling a

woman, I'm so pro life that you need to

stay in your car, in the parking lot of a

hospital and bleed out. Yeah. Because

we've decided that the life of the baby

that's really dead in your womb is more

so. It's not even life is more important

than your life. But these same people,

once you do have the baby, don't want to

provide childcare. They don't want to

provide food. They don't want to provide

resources for you to take care of the so

called life that is so important. We need

to think about these things, and you

cannot sit on the sidelines anymore. These

are literally people who are kicking a

child out of school because of. His hair,

because of his hairstyle and standing on

it to the point where they're taking out

full page articles with. Taxpayers money,

with taxpayer money and closing libraries.

Yes. Come on now. That part, when I saw

the list in some states, including our

own, of course, of the books that are

banned, in order to push that racist

agenda, you had to then include literary

works that have been esteemed over

hundreds of years around the world. Well,

if they use the standard that they're

using to ban books, they need to ban the

Bible. Because the Bible talks about rape,

sexual assault. Definitely. Song of

Solomon talks about enjoying all of this.

Yeah, they need a band of Bible, too.

Quiet as it's kept. I know a lot of my

christian listeners because I love Jesus,

y'all. Jesus gave us a brain to be not

sheeple. If we as believers don't do what

you just said, if we're not being

prayerful and we're not voting according

to the. And researching that candidate's

voting history and understanding that they

actually love humans and that they are

actually for me, for their constituents in

that community. We as Christians, the

sheeple ones of us who are just voting

party line, you're going to fool around

and allow them to create laws that will,

in fact, ban the Bible. And you don't even

see it. You don't even see it because it's

one of the best selling books of all time

and it's one of the most controversial

books of all time. And in your effort to

inflict your rule and your way of law,

it's creating. I know, lawyer, but it

looked like you creating an open door for

somebody to stand up and say, okay, we're

going to ban the Bible because it fits

everything that you just said. And then

what's going to happen? Then you're going

to be standing around with your mouth open

and your eyes wide. Talk about, oh, that's

not of God. Well, you did it. You set the

precedents for it. You set the stage for

it. What are we doing? We could talk about

that on another podcast. And we do need to

talk about it because it is time for those

who truly love God to stand up and stop

being sheeple. Yes. Or stop thinking, oh,

I'm just going to pray and God will send

someone to come and do this. God uses us.

Yes, there is a role for us to play and

faith without works is dead. So the fact

that you just praying, praying, praying.

Harriet Tubman prayed and she did

something. Yes, she. Yes. So we need to be

about that business as well. We absolutely

have to be about that business. Listen,

Ms. I know I have kept you past the time I

promised I was going to keep you. I

appreciate your patience. No, I love

talking with you. When you talk with a

woman who loves God, who's done the work,

who's been through some things, we're not

pulling this just from books. This is like

lived experiences. It's a beautiful

feeling. Thank you. Thank you for coming.

I would love to have you back for

absolutely a part two and part three for

sure. There's so many great things that we

can dig into that I believe, because the

purpose of this podcast is to provide

tools to the listeners to help them grow

personally and professionally. And I know

that in this conversation there has been

an unlimited amount of tools that you have

released on today that definitely will

help our audience grow personally and

professionally. Guys, go out, get the

book. The link will be in the show notes.

If you are listening to this podcast on

audio, just go back out to the show notes.

Click that link, run on over there to

Amazon and purchase the book and leave a

review. Thank you. Purchase the book. Step

two, read the book. Step three, write a

review on Amazon. Those ratings and

reviews, they mean more than you can know.

Ask any author or publisher. Those ratings

and reviews are very impactful, very

meaningful. And you want to get the book.

I have it on digital. Your self love

revolution. Yes. You want to run out and

get your copy today. It's actually an

accompanying journal. So when you look up

your self love revolution, you can also

pick up the journal, which is just an

additional tool to get you to dig deeper.

To dig deeper. And we want to do that. Dig

deep and do the work before we close out.

Ms. Aya, is there anything that you would

like to leave with the toolbox audience

today? Absolutely. I want to say to each

and every one of us, you are enough. You

are love. You are lovely. You are lovable.

And don't let anybody tell you any

different. Just as you are. You are

enough. Awesome. Amen. Amen. Thank you

again. Listen, guys, this has been a

fantastic episode of Laquita's Toolbox.

Hit those, like, share and subscribe

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Until next time, I am your host, Laquita

Mondley. You guys be blessed and enjoy the

amazing rest of your day. Take care. Thank