BTW - If you didn't already know, I'm Sarah - Drink Less; Live Better founder, best-selling author, expert speaker, life coach and, as you already know, podcast host!
We don't have to hit rock bottom, we're allowed to want something different and we can CHOOSE to improve our lives from this point onwards.
I work in the magic space where doubt, hope and action meet... oh.... and
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Transcripts
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Hello and welcome to this episode of the Drink Less Live Better podcast. I'm your host Sarah Williamson, and I'm really glad you're here with me. Let's see the world as it is and not how we want it to be. Could there be a freedom in this approach? Perhaps less wrestling with reality and less emotional exhaustion. Yep, let's see things for how they really are. Hmm.
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On the other hand, there's a danger in taking this idea too far. Humans shape the world by imagining something different. Progress relies on people noticing what is not working and deciding not to accept that. So where does that leave us? With this idea of seeing things how they are and not a fantasy version. I think perhaps the tension sits in understanding the difference between resisting reality and responding to reality, because those will always be two very different experiences.
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Resisting reality might sound like, "This shouldn't be happening. This is so unfair. This person ought to behave differently. Life was meant to look a different way." There's a real tightness to it, a constant friction between what exists and what feels acceptable. Responding to reality begins somewhere a bit steadier. Maybe it starts with honesty. This is what's happening, and this is who I am within it all. This is the system I'm living inside, and this is the season that I'm in right now. It gives us a starting point that's maybe a bit more truthful.
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I see this often in conversations around drinking. People sometimes spend years wishing that moderation worked for them in a way that maybe it doesn't. They keep trying to bend reality into a more convenient shape because the alternative feels disappointing or unfair. Oh my God, 'So unfair.' And at some point there might be a gentle acceptance, a little recognition of what's really true, and from there some decisions can become a bit clearer and therefore easier. And the same thing happens in relationships. You might desperately want somebody to be more emotionally available, more reliable, more thoughtful. Maybe they promise they're gonna change, and for a while hope will keep the whole structure standing.
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Seeing things clearly can feel brutal at first because it removes the fantasy from the equation, and of course fantasy is exhausting to maintain long term. It asks us to edit people constantly in our minds, to not see the truth of who they are. If we accept the reality it often has more peace in it. Still, I don't believe acceptance means giving up on change altogether. Humans are wired for growth. We improve things all the time. We learn, we challenge injustice, and so we should. We do create better systems, better communities, better ways of caring for one another.
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And the question here, I suppose, is where does our energy land most usefully? It'll be different for you than it is for me. Trying to change another adult so they suit us tends to create strain. Wanting conditions that support well-being for many people feels different. One is often rooted in control and power, and the other in contribution and sharing. There's also a big difference between individual change and systemic change.
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On an individual level, we do have influence over our thoughts, feelings, actions, habits, boundaries, routines, and responses. We're not perfect, of course. We're all gloriously inconsistent at times, and so we should be. But we might find meaningful agency in the places we can control. Systemic, systemic change is not like this. Social attitudes, healthcare access, workplace culture, economic pressures, the way alcohol is marketed to women—all of these operate on a much larger scale, and change will happen through collective effort, policy, education, time, and when money is spent.
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I think people become overwhelmed when they confuse the two levels. If you expect yourself to single-handedly solve enormous cultural problems, you'll burn out. If you ignore wider systems completely and believe every struggle is a personal failing, you'll probably feel a shame that never belonged to you in the first place. And every now and again I think, right, I'm going to take on the educational system, the healthcare system, the prison system, politics. I'm going in at the highest level. I'm going to bring it all to the ground, it's gonna start all over again and be better. And then I take a deep breath, I make another cup of tea, and I read a page of my novel, 'cause that stuff is heavy.
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And the sweet spot might be where recognizing where my influence genuinely does exist and still being awake to the bigger picture. And that might actually not be as complicated as we think it is. It could be about speaking honestly and openly to those people who you love and care for, and maybe a wider audience, voting, supporting causes that matter to you, taking a rest when it all feels too much, and finding fun where it exists for you. And none of these actions will create a flawless world. They will, however, create a more sustainable way of living inside reality for for you.
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I also think we need to understand something important about change itself. Most lasting change arrives unevenly, bumpily, slowly, sometimes a bit invisibly at first, and it is often started by small groups of really well-intentioned individuals who come together. We tend to think that transformation is going to be one massive lightning bolt, But in truth, it's more likely to be little shifts, repeated consistently, until eventually things look different. And it's useful to remember that when supporting ourselves. If you're in a difficult season right now, seeing the world clearly doesn't mean stripping life of hope. It means allowing hope to stand beside the honesty. You can acknowledge grief and still move forward. You can recognise limitations and still build a beautiful life. You can accept reality whilst remaining open to possibility.
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Thank you for being here with me today. You can find me on Instagram @drinklesslivebetter and online at drinklesslivebetter.com where you'll find lots of supportive resources. Check out today's podcast show notes for a link to a hidden episode that will help you with your 5 PM cravings and details about my one-to-one life coaching and sober coaching programmes. And P.S., I believe in you.
