Shownotes
In this episode of Unfolding, I’m sharing a realization that hit me like a ton of bricks this week: I have Shiny Object Syndrome. I talk about realizing that when I was trying to create new things for clients, I was missing what actually works best. So I'm going back to the basics.
I know I'm not the only one with Shiny Object Syndrome. So many of us fall into, reaching for the next bright, shiny thing when things feel hard or uncomfortable. The new book, the new routine, the next plan that promises it’ll finally help us feel less stressed, less overwhelmed, less stuck.
Book your Life Pattern Review, if you're ready to feel look at your patterns and how you get stuck in Shiny Object Syndrome
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Connect with me: erica[at]ericavoell[dot]com
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Transcripts
Welcome to the Unfolding Podcast,
a space where we explore what it
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:really looks like to trust yourself,
say no without guilt, and live your
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:life like it actually belongs to you.
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:I am Erica Voell and in my work as
a decision mentor and inner trust
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:guide, I help women in midlife trust
how they are uniquely designed,
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:reclaim their authority, and
understand their unique strengths.
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:Using human design as a lens, we
clear the noise of conditioning,
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:so there no feels powerful.
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:Their yes feels true, and they can
move forward without self-doubt, guilt,
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:and the pressure to prove anything.
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:On this show, we have honest conversations
about self-trust, boundaries, energy
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:and identity, especially for women
in midlife who are done living by the
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:shoulds and second guessing themselves.
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:You'll hear stories, insights,
and tools rooted in human
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:design, coaching and real life.
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:Not to tell you what to do, like
another self-help book, but to help
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:you hear yourself, so you can stop
overthinking and start making decisions
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:that feel clear, grounded, and true.
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:So how often are you in a lull or
a low period and you see something,
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:it may be a new pair of shoes,
and you're like, "I need those."
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:Or you hear about a new book on a
podcast and before the end of the podcast
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:episode, you have put the book on hold
at the library, or you have ordered it?
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:Because this may finally be the
book that will help you feel
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:less, whatever you're feeling.
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:It may feel less drama with your family.
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:It may be that you feel less
stressed about your job.
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:It may be that you finally feel like
it will help you fix that one thing
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:about you that nags you about yourself.
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:I know this feeling all too well.
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:I read so many self-help books.
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:I did so many programs.
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:The programs that would help me figure
out how to get more clients or to
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:the meditation that would help me
feel less stressed in the morning.
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:The book that might help me
finally understand my kid better.
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:And the big ones were the ones that
would help me feel less broken.
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:There's actually a
technical name for this.
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:You might have heard of it called
Shiny Object Syndrome, but it didn't
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:dawn on me until earlier this week
in a business class that I have shiny
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:object syndrome and I have it bad.
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:I've had it before, but wow.
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:It definitely it has shown up
a lot in my business lately.
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:I'm finding myself not looking
outside of myself for shiny objects.
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:What's happening is I'm finding
that it's a pattern with my
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:relationship with my business itself.
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:I feel really confident
about sharing human design.
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:So what do I do?
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:I want to expand.
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:I wanna host a new workshop
or create a new group.
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:I wanna share human design in a new way.
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:But what's happening is that my
clients and the people who are
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:coming to my workshops aren't looking
for human design in a new way.
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:They are new to human design.
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:They don't know a lot about it.
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:They might know their type, but they
just want the basics to also feel
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:like there's nothing wrong with them.
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:In your human design chart, there's
actually a hierarchy of what we're
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:here to learn in our life's work.
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:And for me, one of the biggest
lessons I am here to learn is
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:my hunger for new experiences.
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:At its lowest it can look like I'm getting
pulled into drama or feeling pressure
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:to make life exciting for everyone else.
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:But at the highest it shows that
I am here to lead through lived
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:experience, sharing those experiences,
showing that their growth and
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:expansion can help keep you balanced.
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:And wow, it explains so much
that new adventure is part of
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:the why behind this podcast.
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:I learned that and I was like,
I have something to share.
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:I had not trusted that I had
anything to share until I learned
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:about the Communication Center in
Human Design, which is where this
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:piece of my life's work lives.
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:And then I was like, oh, I
do have something to say.
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:I can share my experiences, and as I've
dug deeper through classes in the past
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:few weeks, it's dawned on me that I
love sharing and starting new things.
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:I love the feeling of finishing something,
but then I'm right onto the next thing.
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:I don't spend a lot of time reflecting
on how things could have changed.
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:I'm always thinking about what is the
next workshop that I want to offer?
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:What's the next step?
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:It's exhausting because I don't allow
time for that pause, and it doesn't
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:bring consistency to my work if I'm
constantly doing the next thing, people
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:don't get to know me for what I am
doing because I want to share that
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:next exciting thing with my audience.
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:When really I need to
go back to the basics.
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:I need to focus on the one thing that
has brought me clients in the past.
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:Our culture in the US is like this.
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:I mean, think about it.
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:We finish something and we are
right on the next thing before
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:we even finish it sometimes.
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:I saw it at multiple
libraries where I worked.
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:There would be so much excitement about
the new thing, especially in leadership.
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:The next leadership book to read,
the next tool that will help managers
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:understand how to work with staff
better, but the follow through and
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:using the tools would get talked
about a lot until there was the next
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:bright and shiny object to come along.
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:We all have our bright and shiny things
that draw our attention away and distract
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:us, and we're ready to abandon whatever
we've been doing or whatever tool we've
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:been using for the next shiny object.
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:Our phones are designed to keep us in
that bright, shiny mode all the time.
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:That next app that's going
to give us the dopamine hit.
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:Maybe we'll check Instagram
after we check our email.
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:We get into this.
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:What's new?
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:What's the new show that
everybody is watching?
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:I mean, it is human
nature to get distracted.
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:It probably kept us
alive in ancient times.
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:And to get excited about
the new shiny thing.
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:But if we're using that bright and
shiny thing as a way to bypass the
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:hard stuff to face that part of us
that we don't want to acknowledge, it's
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:often called the shadow side of us.
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:But it's often a challenge that
we don't want to have to face.
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:And when things get challenging,
what we do is we learn that
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:we can go after something new.
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:We get distracted with this
bright and shiny thing.
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:Instead of really digging in or really
focusing in, it's easier to give up and
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:say, oh, I'll never be able to do X, Y, Z.
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:We don't wanna do the hard work.
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:So what do we do?
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:We follow the next thing.
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:I am dabbling in watercolors right now.
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:I got a little kit about a month ago, and
I'm loving it, and there's a part of me
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:that's like, oh, I'll never get it right.
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:I'll never look as good as
the pictures, but, but I am
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:making myself focus and to try.
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:And to remind myself it's
not gonna look professional.
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:I'm doing this for fun.
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:I mean, when we were little kids learning
to walk and we fell down and did we sit
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:down and throw up our hands and say,
well, I guess I'll never learn to walk.
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:No.
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:We kept trying.
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:Until we succeeded, we kept failing.
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:It's part of learning.
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:It's part of growing.
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:It's part of being a human
'cause we don't stop growing.
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:At 30 or even 20 when we get out
of college, we learn these things
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:that make us wise, people look to
the wise women, even if we are told
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:that we are washed up after 50.
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:But what happens is those bright and
shiny objects allow us to throw up our
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:hands and to go on to the next thing
and to tell ourselves that we're not
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:good at following through or that we
can't stick with something and therefore
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:that there is something wrong with us.
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:In that part of my human
design chart that's always
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:ready for that next adventure.
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:It shows up for me as overpromising,
creating drama unconsciously
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:to feel significant, feeling
like I'm gonna be blamed when
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:things don't go as others expect.
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:And it also creates
emotional instability for me.
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:And oftentimes there are comments from
others that play into this feeling
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:that something's wrong with us.
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:Our parents or our partners will say,
why don't you stick with one thing?
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:Or can't you stay at a job for
more than two or three years?
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:You don't have to be a manifesting
generator to hear this.
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:It may be what we were originally focused
on wasn't for us anyway, which is great.
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:But I find that those who are going
for the next book or the next project
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:are often looking for something.
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:They want to feel better,
they want to trust themselves.
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:They wanna stop feeling
that there is something that
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:needs to be fixed about them.
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:What if I said that there is nothing
that needs to be fixed about you,
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:and that that bright and shiny object
will most likely not solve that.
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:Feeling that you, for you either.
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:So what are you trying to fix?
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:What are you avoiding?
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:For me, in my business, the bright
and shiny is about looking for a new
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:way to share human design with more
people, not to share it in new ways,
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:not to share the next big workshop
or the next thing I've learned.
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:I am sharing new things that I'm
learning with others all the time,
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:but what I'm finding is that I can
share it in ways that bring it more
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:practical and more to life for people.
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:I feel like human design is this
secret sauce recipe that I want to
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:share because I've experienced such
a huge transformation for myself.
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:I've seen the
transformations in my family.
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:It has changed my relationships
and I have seen it with my clients.
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:And what's amazing is that
the simple things are what
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:have had the biggest impact.
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:Learning that my daughter needs to
sleep on, on her decisions huge.
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:It saved us so much money.
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:Knowing that my husband is a manifesting
generator and that he can move fast.
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:While I wanna be in a more
step-by-step approach, huge.
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:Now, I'm not beating myself up for not
being able to keep up with this energy.
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:Knowing that my sister is a
projector and that her unsolicited
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:advice isn't criticism, that she
can see things that I can't see.
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:That has completely
shifted our relationship.
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:Not because she changed, but because I
have an awareness of how she operates.
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:And human design is not about giving
you a label to fit into a box.
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:If you've taken Myers-Briggs or the
Enneagram, they give you a label.
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:In human design, a lot of
people know their type.
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:They're either a generator or a
manifesting generator or reflector,
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:or a projector or a manifester.
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:But that's not a box to fit in.
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:It is one very small
piece of a very large pie.
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:Think of like your type as your nose.
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:There's a whole lot more
about you than your nose.
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:I mean, if your nose is small
and a button nose like me,
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:that doesn't define who I am.
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:So your type helps you understand
your energy and others' energy.
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:Just like my nose helps me
understand how to smell, but it
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:does not define my whole being.
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:Many people know their type,
but they don't know the
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:inner workings of that type.
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:But there are other parts that are so
impactful on helping you make decisions
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:that feel good, your purpose and your
life's work in the world, how you
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:communicate and your innate strengths.
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:Knowing any of this information
isn't going to fix the parts of you.
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:It's about having a language for your
lived experience, and it can feel a
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:little unsettling at first, like how can
a system that has all these numbers and
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:all these shapes know so much about you.
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:When I first read about my human
design, I literally started crying.
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:I was sitting at a public service
desk and I was crying, okay?
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:My eyes were leaking.
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:If you wanna be a little more
technical, but I felt my body relax
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:and it was like someone finally gets
me and how does it know this about me?
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:I mean, just knowing that I need to
sleep on my decisions was a game changer.
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:I had said yes so often, and I would
hope that I would get sick, so I would
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:be able to get out of that obligation.
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:I regretted so many of my decisions.
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:I've had other crying spells in the
last four years as I studied my design,
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:and I used to offer readings, but I've
learned that that's just giving you
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:information when really studying your
design is what helps you embody it.
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:This is not about taking in
information and changing yourself
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:with that new bright and shiny object.
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:It's not like buying a new
pair of shoes and feeling like
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:they're gonna change your life.
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:It's more about being able to notice
when something is coming up for you.
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:Are you reacting or are you able
to step back and take a pause
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:before you say something hurtful?
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:As some of my former clients so
beautifully explained, it helped them
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:stop comparing themselves to other
people and how they thought that they
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:should be or how they should think.
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:And the greatest gift was understanding
themselves in a different way and
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:being able to befriend themselves
in a way that they hadn't before.
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:To trust themselves.
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:So while I love the next
bright and shiny thing.
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:In my business, I'm going back to basics.
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:I'm slowing down and I'm meeting
clients one-on-one for sessions.
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:I'm not gonna be trying
to create a new group.
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:Until they're asking for it.
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:I'm gonna offer some one-off
sessions to give people time to
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:dabble in human design before they
jump into a longer time with me.
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:Will I still be holding workshops?
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:Heck, yes.
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:It's one of my favorite things
to do, but I'm also going to be
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:exploring, sharing human design in
different spaces on other podcasts.
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:Doing in-person workshops, and I'm
still definitely going to be doing
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:my online workshops, and I'm also
gonna be posting on Substack to get
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:a larger audience, to get to know me.
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:I will always be up for a new adventure,
but I'm using that sense of adventure
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:to ground me and to give me some
balance to find rhythm in my work.
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:Because I have been looking for the
next shiny object to bring me clients
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:in this time since I left my job.
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:But I'm not going to be off
trying the next new thing.
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:I'm going back to what has
worked for me in the past.
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:So do you have bright and
shiny object syndrome?
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:What is your bright and shiny
thing trying to distract you?
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:Is it a new book, a new podcast
you've been listening to?
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:Is it something everyone else is
talking about and you're hoping that
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:maybe this will be the one new thing
that will help you feel less broken?
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:And, and what are you trying
to escape from or avoid with
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:this bright and shiny object?
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:Because as I have learned after
moving to three new cities in
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:three years in my twenties.
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:No matter how bright and shiny
the object appears in your life,
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:you will always still be there.
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:That was a huge disappointment for me
as a 20 something, no matter where I
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:went, no matter where I lived, no matter
how great my apartment was, I was still
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:the same old me with the same old crap.
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:Because when the shininess has worn
away, you still have to face those fears
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:and the places you had hoped to fix.
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:I mean, it sucks, but
it's a real part of life.
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:And we like to think that we learned these
lessons in our twenties, but then like
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:something triggers us and we're like, oh,
ooh, I might be 50, but it's still there.
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:So I would love to help you notice
what patterns keep coming up for you.
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:Where you keep getting distracted
by these shiny objects.
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:I've renamed my introductory session.
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:It's gone through several iterations
in the past few months, but now
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:it's called the Life Pattern Review.
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:It's where we look at how you've been
moving through your life, the roles
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:and the responsibilities you've picked
up, the patterns you've repeated
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:often without even realizing it
because you were living on autopilot.
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:The overgiving, the trying
to fix yourself, the saying
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:yes when you meant to say no.
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:Trying to be the version of you
that made everyone else comfortable
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:and who you thought you should be.
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:I want to invite you into
that Life Pattern Review.
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:You can find the link in the show
notes, and if this episode resonated
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:with you, I would be so grateful.
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:If you click the plus sign to
subscribe, share it with a friend,
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:and if you are feeling
generous, leave me a review.
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:I would love it so much.
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:I'll see you next time.
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:Be well friends.
