Shownotes
"Hi there. I am a dog. If you are ready, we will talk about how to be safe from planet dangers, so that you are alive and can have fun there."
Today’s story is “Puplift: A Dog's Guide to Space - The Most Dangerous Place in the Universe” by Tempe O'Kun, who is the staff writer at Culturally F'd, and the writer of the Windfall and Sixes Wild series by FurPlanet Productions, and you can find more of his stories on his FurAffinity or his SoFurry account.
Read by the author. Accompanied by a video, with art by Sam Pipes and music by Bearywell/Jinpa.
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https://thevoice.dog/episode/puplift-a-dogs-guide-to-space-the-most-dangerous-place-in-the-universe-by-tempe-okun-read-by-the-author
Transcripts
You’re listening to The Voice of Dog,
Speaker:and Today’s story is “Puplift:
Speaker:A Dog's Guide to Space -
Speaker:The Most Dangerous Place in the Universe”
Speaker:by Tempe O'Kun, who is the staff writer at Culturally F'd,
Speaker:and the writer of the Windfall
Speaker:and Sixes Wild series
Speaker:by FurPlanet Productions,
Speaker:and you can find more of his stories on his FurAffinity or his SoFurry account.
Speaker:Read by the author.
Speaker:Accompanied by a video version,
Speaker:with art by Sam Pipes
Speaker:and music by Bearywell.
Speaker:Please enjoy “Puplift:
Speaker:A Dog's Guide to Space -
Speaker:The Most Dangerous Place in the Universe”
Speaker:by Tempe O'Kun, read for you by the author himself.
Speaker:Today, we will talk about The Earth,
Speaker:The Most Dangerous Place In The Universe
Speaker:Some places in the Universe are not safe.
Speaker:Most of them are easy to be safe from.
Speaker:Everybody knows not to fly into a star.
Speaker:They are too hot!
Speaker:And you see them from very far away,
Speaker:so you can go around.
Speaker:The most dangerous place in space is a planet called The Earth.
Speaker:Dogs and dolphins and humans evolved on it,
Speaker:so you would think it would be safe for us.
Speaker:It is nice, but it is still wild!
Speaker:Lots of people worked very hard to take the nice things with us
Speaker:to new places
Speaker:and to leave the not-safe things
Speaker:there. When you are on a ship or a station
Speaker:or a terraformed planet,
Speaker:you will not get eaten by bears.
Speaker:That is because dogs have been very careful to smell for bears
Speaker:getting on our spaceships when we visit The Earth.
Speaker:If there are bears there, we bark at them
Speaker:to make them go back onto The Earth,
Speaker:then close the spaceship door.
Speaker:That is why space has no bears.
Speaker:Always smell your spaceship for dangerous animals before you go to space.
Speaker:Bears are a little bit sneaky,
Speaker:but some lifeforms on The
Speaker:Earth are even sneakier! Some of them are much smaller than bears, like germs. Lots of germs live on The Earth
Speaker:and some of them evolved very hard
Speaker:to make us sick. But they cannot make you sick
Speaker:if they do not get inside you.
Speaker:If cake falls on the floor of a space station,
Speaker:it is safe to eat that cake.
Speaker:If cake falls on the ground on The
Speaker:Earth, you should use a scanner
Speaker:on it before you eat that cake.
Speaker:If the scanner says
Speaker:“Danger: Pathogens Detected” about the cake,
Speaker:then you should not eat that cake.
Speaker:According to math,
Speaker:the most dangerous animal on The Earth
Speaker:is a blood-drinking predator bug called the mosquito.
Speaker:It flies through the air and is
Speaker:small like confetti.
Speaker:Each one only drinks your blood a little,
Speaker:but they can put not-safe germs in you.
Speaker:It has a sharp straw to drink your blood,
Speaker:but cannot drink it if you have metal skin because you are a cyborg all over.
Speaker:We sometimes use a special smell
Speaker:called “the bug spray”
Speaker:to keep them away.
Speaker:If you forgot to bring the bug spray,
Speaker:you can wear a spacesuit.
Speaker:But the best way to protect yourself from bugs is to use the special sound the dolphins invented
Speaker:that explodes mosquitos.
Speaker:They are so smart!
Speaker:You will need to play it from a speaker, like the one on a radio.
Speaker:The bites from lots of bugs are itchy
Speaker:and maybe have germs.
Speaker:Another bug species is called flea.
Speaker:They cannot fly, but they hop fast!
Speaker:The dolphins have another sound that explodes fleas.
Speaker:The air-cleaners on your spaceship
Speaker:will suck up the bugs,
Speaker:but you should take a shower
Speaker:so they are not in your fur.
Speaker:Jellyfish are wiggly blobs that live in the ocean.
Speaker:They are pretty and sometimes glow.
Speaker:But you should not touch them
Speaker:because they will stab you with nematocysts. A nematocyst a little piece of the jellyfish that flies out to put toxin in you.
Speaker:These are some of the animal dangers,
Speaker:but some plants are not safe too.
Speaker:On a terraformed planet, you can chew on all the plants and not
Speaker:die. (Your mouth and guts might hurt, though.)
Speaker:On The Earth, some of the plants should not be chewed.
Speaker:That is Earth plant
Speaker:safety. Parts of The Earth are also made of dangerous rocks.
Speaker:Most rocks are okay,
Speaker:but some are not,
Speaker:like arsenic or lava.
Speaker:If you see a new rock,
Speaker:you can use your visor to scan it
Speaker:to see if it is poison or melting.
Speaker:Then you should stay away
Speaker:and maybe wash your paws when you get home, for more safety.
Speaker:If you want lead or arsenic or lava
Speaker:on a space station or ship,
Speaker:you have to keep it in a box.
Speaker:On terraformed planets,
Speaker:we dig holes and put away those rocks,
Speaker:so they do not hurt someone.
Speaker:If you have lots of bad rocks on your planet,
Speaker:you can ask the AIs
Speaker:to shoot them with particles,
Speaker:so they are just gold.
Speaker:These are some of the things you should be careful about on The Earth.
Speaker:It is a very nice place to go,
Speaker:but if you have never been there, you should go with someone who has already been there,
Speaker:or lives there, so they can help you to not die
Speaker:and to have a fun time instead.
Speaker:This was “Puplift: A Dog's Guide to Space -
Speaker:The Most Dangerous Place in the Universe”
Speaker:written and read for you by Tempo,a
Speaker:fluffy dog in a cowboy hat,
Speaker:with music by Bearywell.
Speaker:As always, you can find more stories on the web
Speaker:at thevoice.dog,
Speaker:or find the show wherever you get
Speaker:your podcasts. Thank you for listening
Speaker:to The Voice of Dog.