You're at dinner and you're already mentally planning tomorrow's client call. You've been calling it passion. Dedication. But what if it's actually the thing standing between you and the life you keep saying you want?

Last night I did a future self visualization that felt like a total flop. No income numbers, no business wins, no morning routine inspo. Just a calm, confident woman looking back at me. And honestly? It bummed me out at first.

What came up after that is what this episode is really about. I'd been wearing constant work thoughts like a badge of honor, proof that I cared, proof that I was built for this. And the idea of not thinking about work felt like slipping.

This one is raw, unscripted, and I'm sharing it as it came to me.

If you have a few minutes, reflect on this Journal prompts:

1. Start with the work if that’s what comes up first. Money. Business goals. Success. What do your relationships actually look like?
2. How do you feel when you walk through your front door? What are you doing simply because you enjoy it?
3. What does being present feel like in your body? Who are you if you’re not thinking about work all the time?

Work with me:

1. Breakthrough Intensive - You already know you should slow down, delegate more, stop overcommitting & be emotionally present. So why can't you? That's what we figure out in 90 minutes + integration call 2 weeks later. Book your Breakthrough
2. Exhale: Private Coaching - For women ready to do this work until it sticks and you can't revert back. 4 open spots: Work with me
3. Connect with Sam: Instagram | Facebook

Hello, welcome to Beyond Awareness. This episode is a stream of consciousness episode, if you will, where I had the wildest future self visualization last night as I was going to bed. And it was so wild because it was the first one that I've ever done where it wasn't this like massive inspirational

Like, who, Ra, this is what my life is going to be. It was the complete opposite. It was, you know, the typical you see a mirror, your future self is looking back at you. And what I saw in that mirror was this calm, confident woman. Also, I had like short, like ⁓ ear length hair, which is just

wild. But anyways, nothing came through about how much money I was earning or how successful I was. And one element of all my future self, higher self visualizations that I do, there's always an element of that, right? Because I love my business. I love creating. I love all of that. And so most times it is about

my business or what my day looks like, what my habits are, things like that. And there was none of that. What it was, was me being happy and calm and confident. And it was just me looking back at myself. And at one point I just started trying to prompt myself of like, okay, well, what is happening here? What is happening in this version, in this life? And I saw

Griffin, my son, saw he kind of like ran up to me and I saw him in the mirror. He ran up. I scooped him up. I gave him a hug. And the sense that I got was I can be successful and I can be in a happy relationship with all of the responsibilities I have with my son. And then he kind let him down and he kind of ran away. And then I said, OK, well, am I in a relationship? Do I have a partner?

And then I did see a partner come in and he kind of, now that I'm saying this out loud, it's the opposite. Instead of me scooping up Griffin, he scooped me up and I got the sense that I was supported. I was being taken care of. And then that kind of passed. And after that, I kept trying to prompt myself with what does my workday look like?

What is my morning routine? What am I doing for work? Where is my office? Anything and everything of just trying to crack the code on like, what am I doing? Am I fulfilled? Like, how much money am I earning? How do I get there? Any clues? And not much came through. I think I did see myself sitting at a desk at one point. And so that was the visualization.

After the visualization, I was in bed about to fall asleep and I felt off. I was like, that was kind of a bummer of a future self meditation. And I realized that it was kind of a fear that that bummer feeling was a fear that if I wasn't thinking about work, it meant that I didn't care about my work or that I wasn't passionate about it.

And if I didn't care about it or if I wasn't passionate about what I was doing, then I wouldn't perform well and I wouldn't be able to financially support myself. So thinking about my work is a sign that I'm creative. Thinking about my day-to-day life and how much money I'm earning and...

all of the things that I should be doing for work. It's a sign that I'm creative and that I love what I do. It's a good sign, quote unquote, that I will be attracting more clients. It keeps my work top of mind for me even when I'm not working, even when I'm still present with my son and I very much am present. But know, subconsciously, I'm also like, ooh, this would be a fun podcast topic. know, ooh, this would be a great event to go to.

But I couldn't see that that chatter of work, even though it felt inspiring, it takes away from my presence with my family and Griffin and my partner. Because if I didn't think about work, I love flipping things, if I didn't think about work all the time, even or especially subconsciously, I would have way more time

to talk to my friends, to read a book, to not talk to chat GPT, to do an activity with Griffin without that fear of I should be planning my next performance. That's what it feels like. Like I should be planning my next launch or networking event, or I should be thinking about my next client call and how I can serve her. Right?

so much more open space. And I realized that thinking about work keeps me on and it feels like literally right up until this after visualization realization, it felt diligent, it felt productive, it felt good. And not thinking about work meant that I'm slipping. But that visualization, seeing me calm,

confident, seeing me not thinking about work, dismantled that. And my thought process afterwards, as I was falling asleep, it hit me like a ton of bricks that I can love what I do. I can care deeply for my clients. I can thoroughly enjoy recording these podcast episodes while I'm in my focused work hours. And then

I can enjoy my son and be super present with him and my future partner when I'm at home. I don't have to let work bleed elsewhere. And it sounds so like, I don't know, maybe duh, or that's obviously the goal. Like, you can thrive in your career and not have it be the only thing about you. And even saying that out loud.

It's like, at least my thought is, and I was thinking this last night, is it's easier for people who don't work for themselves and they have an office to go into. It's easier for those people to like, you you have your work hours. So of course you think about work when you're at work and then when you go home, it's your family time. But that's not the case. Those are literally my clients. I work with female executives who go into an office and those are the women who bring

work stress home with them or who just bring work home with them, who are checking emails at 9 p.m., 10 p.m. And it impacts that all of that impacts how they talk to their kid after school because they're stressed and they're like, I don't have the capacity to hear about how many pictures you colored today. It impacts the type of meals that they make or the type of meal that they choose to order out. It impacts.

the energy that they have at the end of their day, or rather the lack of energy, and they're just literally collapsing on their couch. And this visualization was just crystallizing that separation. And it's crazy because I've been talking about this separation and I've been feeling this separation. I've even been saying out loud, probably on the podcast, definitely to my clients and family and friends, that I feel like I'm a really great mom.

And I feel like I'm a really great business owner. And when they merge, like when my son is impromptu home sick or whatever the case is where I try to blend the two, like I try to work while he's home, then I quickly become overstimulated AF, like my nervous system spikes, but I'm great separate. However, when I do these visualizations and just picture my future self,

I don't know, it's always been like, it's all about work until recently. And it's like this visualization was crystallizing that separation that I can only be a mom and not think about work and truly love that and that is safe and okay. And my financial wealth will not be impacted.

And when I'm at work, it's safe to not be a mom. It's safe to care deeply about those clients. It's safe to skyrocket my income. And constantly thinking about our responsibilities and work, that doesn't make us responsible. That takes away from the other parts of our life that we say we want to feel alive. Constantly thinking about those responsibilities and work and whatever it is for you, that is draining you.

from all those other parts, from your family, from any hobbies that you say that you want to have. I used to eye roll at hobbies, because it's like, even are those? I don't need one more thing on my to-do list. But all of this is proof for myself that it's possible, proof that it's actually what I help people with, because it is what I help people with. And it was just confirmation. But it also, it gives us

me and you, permission to stop thinking all the time and masking it as being good for us, as being productive, because it's not. So like, again, flipping it. What if all that noise in our head isn't helping you? What if it's not keeping you prepared? And what if reducing that noise is the thing?

that will help you be a better mom, that will help you be better at work, that will help your finances. That finding that calm, that finding that separation, that giving yourself permission to rest, to be mentally present, to have those hobbies, to have relationships, like true relationships. And truth be told, I need to get better at texting those friends that I mentioned in a timely manner. But all of that stuff.

And in our lives, permission to be doing that in our life while working and enjoying that, that's what will bring fulfillment when we're in it. And that responsibilities don't need to be that constant mental reminder because we're present. So when we're at work, we're going to remember the work things. When we're at home, we're going to remember the home things, the responsibilities. When we're with our kids, we're going to remember that stuff. It's like right now.

when I'm recording this, it's 2 34. My alarm to stop working to go get Griffin is gonna go off at 2 35. And up until a couple days ago, I have this alarm that's gonna go off. My podcast editor, Effie, is gonna need to edit this out. But even though I had this alarm that's gonna go off, I still would feel this like anxiety, I think.

every day being like, my gosh, I hope that I hear the alarm and I hope that I don't snooze it for long enough that I'm late to picking up Griffin every day. And it's silly because of course I'm gonna hear it.

Literally the alarm just went off. Of course I'm going to hear it. And yes, I like, just turned it off. So I pressed snooze, but there's never been a day where I didn't, you know, a couple minutes later, wrap up this podcast episode, wrap up whatever it is that I'm doing and I'm on time for Griffin. But that anxiety is there. And it was just until a couple of days ago that I was like, wait, why am I? It's not that I'm not trusting the alarm. It's that I'm not trusting myself.

So let's start trusting myself. I can trust myself. I can find proof that I've done it. And I'm to start trusting myself. And I feel like this is a little side tangent, but giving yourself permission to be present, to follow through, to know that you can have that separation and your world will not crumble. It will actually thrive. Again, you can thrive in your career.

and not have it be the only thing about you. You can thrive as a mom and not have it be the only thing about you. And so to wrap this up, I would want to challenge you. What else would you want in your life? You can journal on that if you want. And if you want, if you're like me, start with the work stuff and the money stuff. If you're thinking of like your future self, what would you want to be doing for work? How much would you want to be earning? Because I feel like that's the typical stuff that pops in if that's top of mind.

But then think through what type of relationships would you want? What quality of relationships? What types of activities would you want to do with your family? What types of hobbies would you to do? Would you want to garden? Would you want to read? Would you want to try texture art because you saw it on Instagram? What type of house would you have? Likely the same house you have. But something that I've been exploring is would you

clean your house because you find peace in it rather than shame. I used to hate cleaning and it's still not my favorite thing. But now, just with my recent mental shifts, when I go around my house and I'm picking things up, I'm doing it from a place of my dream home is picked up and clean because I care for it and it's an act of peace and calm, not...

judging myself like, my God, why is the laundry still on the floor? Why are dishes still in the sink? Laundry's still on the floor, dishes are still in the sink, but when I go to pick it up, it's this act of like self-care almost, and it feels good. So what are those types of feelings that you would want to have? And then lastly, just kind of throwing this out there, seeing where it lands for you, what if you weren't the person who was passionate?

24-7, passionate about work 24-7. I saw that right after today, this morning, so after that ⁓ realization and the visualization. And I thought that resonates for me because I feel like thinking about work all the time is because I'm so passionate about what I do. And if I wasn't passionate or if I wasn't so focused on

helping others and inspiring others. If I wasn't so focused on being resilient, and I don't think I'm focused on that, I just, I think I am resilient. My aura ring even says that my stress score is resilient. But if I'm not those things, who am I? It's like our identity is at stake. And so we just grasp on to, no, I'm a hard worker. I think about work 24-7, I'm also present.

but I'm still thinking about work 24-7 and releasing that grip. We have to release that grip so that we can still love what we do and be a present partner. Connect deeply with our kids. It requires letting go. And it's so hard to let go because we are questioning the identity that we've literally been building up until now.

So I will leave you with that. And I'll put that in the show notes, because if you do have time, even literally three minutes to journal through that, I think that that's going to be really eye-opening. And sometimes just the awareness is, I mean, it is the first step to taking a different move, making a different action. And then that is when you start to become a different person, more present, more calm, more confident, whatever it is that you want. So.

Thanks for listening to my stream of consciousness. Maybe something popped open for you today. If it did resonate, feel free to let me know. I always love when I hear from you in my newsletters or pop into my inbox. Thank you for listening and I will see you on Thursday for our journaling entry.