Amy shares her journey of grappling with her recent ADHD diagnosis and the challenges that come with it, particularly in managing food-related tasks. She recounts her struggles with meal preparation, grocery shopping, and even self-care, often feeling overwhelmed by the sheer volume of decisions and the pressure to maintain a clean, organized kitchen. Enter Corie, an executive functioning coach, whose expertise becomes an invaluable resource for Amy. Corie helps Amy navigate her unique challenges by introducing tools and strategies tailored to her needs, emphasizing the importance of self-compassion and understanding how ADHD affects her day-to-day life. Together, they explore the concept of ‘hyperfocus’—a double-edged sword for individuals with ADHD, allowing for deep concentration but also risking neglect of basic needs like eating and hydration.

Throughout the discussion, Amy expresses her frustrations but also her triumphs, including the small victories in managing her kitchen and dietary habits. Corie's guidance allows Amy to rethink her approach to food, making it less of a chore and more about what works for her. This dialogue not only highlights Amy's personal growth but also sheds light on the broader implications of ADHD on everyday tasks, illustrating the need for tailored support systems and the recognition that everyone's ADHD experience is unique. By the end, listeners are left with a sense of hope and the understanding that with the right tools and support, navigating the complexities of ADHD can become more manageable, if not entirely straightforward.

Takeaways:

• Amy's journey highlights the importance of recognizing and addressing ADHD in adults.
• Corie emphasizes the necessity of self-compassion while navigating daily challenges with ADHD.
• Dopamine pairing can create a supportive environment for individuals facing decision paralysis.
• It's crucial to create flexible boundaries that can adapt to changing needs over time.
• Alarms can serve as reminders, but they must be meaningful to avoid fatigue.
• The episode illustrates that everyone's experience with ADHD is unique and requires personalized strategies.

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Mentioned in this episode:

Corie Wightlin ADHD Coaching Services

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Foreign.

The Home Game, the podcast that cares how your home feels, not looks.

I'm Lacy, your co host, who just had her mind go blank.

I have no idea who I am this week.

Hi, Sarah.

So I know who I am, but I'm off center.

That's okay.

That's what's so great.

We just accept one another, whether or not we don't even know who we are or if we're off center.

Absolutely.

Well, I am very excited for people to hear today's episode, and I thought maybe before we jump in, you could give a little bit of, like, behind the scenes of what led us to episode three.

So there is a large time gap between episode two and episode three, and episode three has a special guest expert as well.

So, Sarah, tell us more about that.

Yes, behind the scenes.

Amy is our participant this season, and she came to us wanting some help with food, buying food, remembering to eating food, all the things.

And I came at it from my knowledge and experience.

We weren't getting as much traction as I usually get with clients.

And so I had an opportunity to reflect on my approach, and I realized I had missed a really big part.

Amy was newly diagnosed as an adult with adhd.

I blew past that too quickly.

And so wanting to do what was best for Amy and serve her, I realized I needed to take a big step back.

And it wasn't about finding solutions in our kitchen, and it wasn't about creating the perfect shopping list.

It was about her learning how to live with adhd.

So the third episode, our special guest is Corey.

What's great about Corey is she is an executive functioning coach.

That's what she does.

She helps people just like Amy get tools in their toolbox that they.

They haven't had.

And what I've noticed from talking with Amy and with other people, it's like the big hurdle of getting the diagnosis as an adult of neurodiversity.

And then there's the next hurdle of, are you gonna take medication?

What does that dosage look like?

So it's like these really big hurdles, and then it kind of goes quiet after that when really the third.

Third step is really working with somebody like Corey who helps you understand how your brain works, how to work with it, what you specifically need.

And so I am just so thankful that, A, I recognized I wasn't the right solution for Amy at this point in time, and that, B, that we had access to Corey, who is.

I mean, I don't know if calling her an angel is a step too far, but she's an angel.

Corey asks all the questions of Amy that needed to be asked.

That is not my area of expertise.

So that's why there was a bit of a gap, was getting Corey's schedule lined up with me and Amy.

And then also Amy will mention there was still some fiddling with her dosage and what she needed to feel like she was on stable ground to move forward.

And I'm so glad Corey does this work because as you will hear, she is compassionate, she is understanding, and she is just really kind person.

So.

So thank you to Corey.

There's so many things out of this that I'm gonna say I'm proud of, even though I have nothing to do with it.

I'm not even in any of Amy's episodes.

I'm proud of you that you had no shame in stepping back and saying, I think there's a better expert here.

And I.

I just think that really lends so well to what we talk about here.

And no shame.

In the home game, there's no one size fits all solution, has different needs and different abilities and constraints and opportunities.

And even though I think Sarah's magic, she was able to bring somebody else in to be magic for Amy and.

And that sometimes taking care of one problem will unlock doors to be able to take care of other problems.

So kudos to all of you in those steps and making that happen and showing that it's a little messy.

We can take it however we need to to get to the right solution.

I hear you and I appreciate you recognizing that.

It was an emotional journey for me to be like, why isn't this working the way I want it to?

Right.

And so for me, to remove me from that equation was the right thing to do, and I was glad that I was able to do that.

And something we talk about at Joyful Support Movement all the time.

What do you need?

Right.

And it was me recognizing me was not what the situation needed.

So if anybody who's listening gets one thing from this.

There are a lot of resources and finding that resource that you need in your given situation.

Absolutely.

And that's why home management for Everyone is about setting up processes to have things run in your home so that it can account for resources you need and what resources you have.

That's kind of what home management for everyone is.

It's a platform and a way to view things to get you the right resources for you.

I hope that made sense.

It'll make sense to somebody.

And absolutely.

It absolutely will.

Because sometimes it's just about phrasing.

Things differently because we all process information differently, which is honestly the whole core to this episode is we all process different.

We're not going to tell you what to do.

We're going to tell you how to figure out what to do.

Absolutely.

All right, well, let's jump right in and take a listen to part three with Amy.

Welcome, everyone, to no Shame in the Home Game.

I'm so excited today.

I am a natural connector.

So excited that we have Amy, our participant this season, and we have back on our expert guest, Corey, who is an executive functioning coach.

To give the audience a little refresher, Amy had some issues that she had identified around food, getting food, preparing food, eating food.

Even if you buy it and prepare it and have it, it's actually eating it.

And I was coming at it from my approach of everything I know about home management.

But I realized I wasn't the right person to help Amy because what I was overlooking was Amy's recent diagnosis with adhd.

And even though she had the diagnosis and is on the medication journey, as Corey and I talked about in Home Harmony for neurodiversity, there is a huge gap in support around learning new habits specifically for neurodiversity.

So I said, corey, please come on and fill in the gaps where me as a home management consultant and I am not able to help Amy to the best of what she needs.

Corey, if you would like to introduce yourself briefly to the audience.

For anyone who didn't hear your previous episode, talk about the work that you do, anything else that you'd like to introduce about yourself, thank you, Sarah.

My name is Corey Weidlen.

I'm an executive functioning ADHD coach.

I support folks living in executive dysfunction because of neurodiversity.

When I say executive dysfunction, I mean time management, decision paralysis, task paralysis, motivation, self compassion.

Those are all under the executive functioning umbrella.

I support folks struggling with those areas to build habits, routines, and strategies that work with their brain rather than trying to white knuckle it against their brain.

The world tells us we should do it a certain way.

I work with adults and families and college kids one on one and in group programs to build habits that are sustainable and supportive to help make things a lot easier in those areas that are essential for all of us living in this neurotypical world world.

What I love about that is your work and my work is so similar in that it's not a one size fits all.

Exactly.

You have to learn about the individual's strengths, and I was gonna say weaknesses, but it's not Weaknesses, it's where does there need to be a little bit more propping up?

And so I love that our approaches are so similar.

Let's bring Amy into the conversation.

Hello, Amy.

Hello.

So we were catching up briefly before Corey got on.

I asked just kind of, how have things been in general?

And if you want to share.

The last time we talked with our audience, we had done a little makeover on your kitchen.

We were trying to get you into a rhythm.

A lot's changed from then till now, so whatever you'd like to share.

Yeah.

So since the last time we talked, I've had my ups and downs.

And just recently in the last two weeks, have you up my medication, I take an extended release version of Ritalin, which really helps me a lot better than taking it once or twice a day, having it in my system.

So my doctor and I still were close to keep tweaking and finding the best way to keep me going.

The higher doses helped me again.

After taking it, I felt really great, you know, now I'm coming back to being normal again.

I tried to take the opportunity and work on some things I had trouble with.

Sarah and I had worked on my kitchen.

We had it pretty well.

And it's a hard thing for me to keep up with.

If you're not struggling with that, it's hard to understand.

But even the simple things of doing your dishes, doing anything, involved the kitchen.

Not just eating, but little maintenance.

Y because to me, it's not just like, I have to do the dishes.

I'm like, oh my God, there's like 12 cups and 15 forks and blah, blah, blah, and I have to do this and where do I do this?

That's how my brain goes.

I try to keep it simple right now with my eating.

I go to the grocery store and I try to just focus on a day or two at a time.

Honestly, you know, I.

Not that I like to eat a ton of prepared foods, but, you know, individual portion things are what's works well for me.

I've realized I don't even like to sit down to have a meal.

I need to be doing something.

So uncrustables are my best friend.

I pretty much, you know, like right now, protein shake in the morning and uncrustable at some point that I just carry around with me all day.

And at some point I'm like, oh, yes, time to eat that.

I still have lofty goals for myself.

I would love to do a system.

I've made little cards of the foods I eat that I want to be able to put on my fridge.

I just haven't finished that task.

I have them printed.

I have magnets.

And that's where it stopped so far.

Again, just because my kitchen still, it's not a welcoming environment.

But like I was telling Sarah, I recently with having a higher.

Just a meds just like thoroughly cleaned every part of my apartment that I've ignored.

And I didn't do like the kitchen, I'm like, it's gonna be last, you know.

And so of course I finished like everything else and like, oh, yeah, look at this, this is better.

And then I'm like, okay, I don't have any more.

That's.

Now the motivation's gone.

I can't do my kitchen now.

I have done some little things here and there, but yeah, we're so good.

At leaving the least novelty or the least dopamine task at the end, right?

And then being like, oh, no, the dopamine's run out.

Yes, I can't do it.

Yep, exactly.

So, yeah, so I think that's covered my basis.

You know, I have had to the improvement of again, just not shopping on a big scale.

You know, I don't mind having to stop at the grocery store two or three times a week and just get a few days worth of things.

But even this weekend, I struggled.

You know, I needed some stuff and I had the funds and I was at the store and I literally walked up down every aisle.

And even some of the stuff, like, I'm just like, I don't know, it just.

I don't know if it's just boring to me or what it is.

I'm just staring at food.

I'm hungry even.

And I'm like, no, he can't.

And then I walk out of there.

I think I bought a hot dog that was pre made and ate that.

And I was like, yep, all right.

I don't know what I'm gonna do for the next meal, but I got my hot dog and I at least put something in my body.

And I was disappointed because that it's gotten to that point.

Even where I love foods, I love things.

And just the fact that I look at it and I'm like.

Or my brain's like, well, you have to prepare this.

Anyways, I'm curious.

I'm gonna ask you a question and then I wanna do a little recap for Cora in the audience.

If you go to a restaurant or I mean, even like Panera, does that alleviate a lot of the stress for you to just look at a menu?

And then it's just there.

Sometimes I get the same thing every time.

Pretty much like one or two things.

I just go back and forth.

If it's a restaurant I've never been to, I mean, it's, it's a little better, but it's still, I don't know.

Sometimes what's the decisions at a restaurant you've never been to?

Right, right.

Like the fact that there are things on, like, oh, these three things.

Okay, now which one?

Oh, my God.

Okay, so which one?

And what if you make the wrong choice?

Yeah, like if I get something and I'm like, well, that wasn't what I wanted and who knows if I'm coming back.

The grocery store is a huge menu, you know, and at least the restaurants down to 10.

But still having 10 things can be.

It's hit or miss sometimes.

Still a lot.

Okay.

And so I want to recap for the audience.

And then also Sekori knows all of the elements.

You are self employed.

You own your own company doing web design, website maintenance.

So I know that that takes a lot of your mental energy and you're great at what you do, but I know that that is really all consuming.

And you've talked about how when you're in it, like, you don't switch over to eat, you have alarms, your alarms go off, the food could be in arm's reach and you're.

You don't want to lose your momentum.

And you were even telling me before we got on the call that you got that bump up in medicine.

And yes, you had motivation and you said you cleaned your entire apartment at the expense of work because you were so in the cleaning.

And it is that like one lane again.

Just as a reminder, this ADHD diagnosis, it's what, under a year?

Yeah, I think it was maybe the end of last year.

So it's, yeah, not quite a year, but I still, still feel like I'm brand new.

Yeah, you are.

You are.

You lived most of your life being like, what is going on?

Why are these things so hard for me?

Why can quote, unquote, everyone else do it.

Yeah.

And.

And to fill you in, I've had the anxiety diagnosis for 20 years, but now seeing they're like, well, that's actually because it's a light bulb going off.

But then it's like, oh, okay.

Yeah, for sure.

And we were even before we got on, Amy and I were even talking about all the work she did in apartment.

And I said, didn't it feel great?

And Amy, there was a flatness of just not really.

And I remember Corey educating me about how people of neurodiversity are shamed so much throughout their life that it's almost as if you're buried under all of this.

And so when you said that, Amy, part of me wondered if it had something to do with the medication balance, but part of me also wondered if you have just felt so much shame about things from societal pressures from people who are neurotypical, that you weren't able to see that.

For you, that was huge.

And so there's a lot of pieces to unpack is what I'm getting at.

Let's hand this over to Corey with food prep kitchen.

Like, you already dropped some awesome nuggets.

So Corey, take, take the stage.

It's yours, Amy.

Well, first of all, I want to thank you for sharing all that.

That was really vulnerable and very open.

And I want to let you know that you are not on this island alone.

So many of my clients are newly diagnosed folks as adults who have lived their life with an ADHD diagnosis or depression diagnosis.

And the meds weren't working and the talk therapy wasn't really, you know, getting it done.

And then they get their 88 and it's this aha of like, oh, that's why.

But then it's also this, like, do you mean all this time could have been doing X, Y and Z?

So you are not alone in that.

And it's.

And it's heavy.

It is heavy.

And you know, to Sarah's point, children that have ADHD, whether diagnosed or not diagnosed, it doesn't matter, get 20,000 more negative messages by the time they are 10 than a neurotypical kid.

So you go back and you think of like little Amy and all these, oh, you're not living up to your potential.

Oh, just get it together.

Oh, you forgot that again.

Oh, come on, we're late again, Amy.

Let's go, let's go, let's go.

I say that up front because giving yourself room for self compassion, the most important thing right now, most important thing, we gotta help rewire some of that, those habitual stories.

So I'm here to offer all the compassion I can.

And as we go through this together over the next however many minutes, that's kind of the lens that I'm gonna come from, is self compassion.

If our brain is triggered in anxiety or worry or shame, we can't put in any new habits or tools anyway because we're just in self preservation mode.

Does that land?

Exactly.

I, I am so hard on myself.

I, I told Sarah I always have her voice in my head sometimes, like, acknowledge you did a good thing.

And I know I did a good thing, but in terms of thoughts and still the negative, you know, is, Is a big thing to still deal with.

Yeah.

It's a lot to untangle there.

It's been a lot of years, right?

A lot of years.

So self compassion is our first area of business.

Amy, what I was hearing is there's decision paralysis around food, there's an inability to pull out of hyperfocus to eat.

And it sounds like also maybe some challenges around these conditions.

I should be eating this or I should be eating at this time.

So those are the three things that I was kind of hearing as you were talking.

Those sound about right?

That sums it up pretty much, I think.

Okay.

And you did an awesome job of telling us your.

Your current reality.

So I'm wondering, what are you hoping to get out of a plan for eating?

And here's what I'm going to really challenge you to think about.

Not what you should be doing, not what a nutritionist would tell you to do, but what you would really want out of a plan to support you with eating.

I mean, the biggest thing is just not to provoke so much anxiety over the whole process.

So, you know, just finding what works for me.

I'm not like, I have to have three meals at these times.

I, I have an alarm that goes off every two hours just mainly to be like, they're labeled like breakfast snack, lunch snack, blah, blah, blah, you know, but they're, they're based on my day.

My first one goes off at 10 because I'm not a morning person.

So I know I do better.

Even just like six smaller kind of deals, you know, I don't have to have this huge prepared dinner.

I would like to eventually make some stuff for myself.

But even in making stuff, I think it's boring if it's not ready in five minutes.

I'm like, it's not.

I don't want to spend so much time just making it for me to eat it in five minutes.

You know, same.

I always think that, like Thanksgiving is coming up.

I always think that I'm like, we spent all this time, everyone ate it in 30 seconds.

What is the point?

I am with you on that one.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I wish I could meal plan and do all this stuff, but I'm not looking really to do that every single day.

Maybe on the weekend when I have some time, but again, I can't stand having to wait for it.

Yeah.

So Amy, does it sound accurate to say you are purely eating because you have to.

You don't like to prepare food, which is fine.

Not everyone likes to prepare food, but it almost actually sounds like food is more of a means to an end.

My body needs food, so I need to eat.

Is that accurate?

Or is there any kind of like.

Ooh, I love this fresh peach.

That was delicious.

It's funny because I eat because my stomach will be like, hey.

And sometimes it doesn't happen at all because I can't believe sometimes that I'm still functioning.

And I had literally maybe a bowl of oatmeal, and I didn't eat anything else during the day.

And I do know I physically and mentally feel tired and stuff, and I just want to make sure I am nourishing myself.

And that's why I say, whatever schedule works for me.

What was the second part of your question?

Do you love food?

Like, does it bring you joy?

Or I just got to do it because I got to do it.

Yeah, it's kind of turned into that, honestly.

And that's why I said, like, even going to the grocery show this weekend, I mean, I love fresh fruit.

I love.

You know, there's certain things I love, and I even just stared at the fruit.

This weekend you said the protein shakes.

And I know you were doing the oatmeal for a while, and I'm just thinking, could you just eat, like, prepared oatmeal and protein shakes?

And if Corey was able to figure out how to get you to actually eat it, like.

Or is that the novelty would just wear off so quickly?

You'd be like, ugh, I do not want to eat the same thing every day.

I'm okay, for the most part, eating the same thing.

And then it randomly will get boring.

But I tend to come.

I tend to come back to it, though.

I said, my uncrustable is my staple.

I'm fine with it.

And there might be a period where I don't have them, but I come back to it.

I know I'm not the type.

I can't say, like, Mondays, I'm gonna do this, and Tuesdays.

Cause that's just too unlike.

I feel, like, rebellious against that.

Like, no.

Yeah, that's your defiance, right?

The defiant part of the adhd.

Whenever we try to put in really strong rules.

The defiant part of our adhd.

And, like, you tell me it's like, Taco Tuesday, I'm like, no, I'm gonna have tacos Fridays.

But not every Friday.

But just when I want To.

I'm not gonna.

Yeah, I'm not gonna be that rigid.

I have a couple questions.

Let's specifically talk about going to the grocery store and not buying anything.

True.

Except the hot dog.

So that was successful.

You got something to put in your mouth.

What kind of state were you in before you went to the grocery store?

What had you been doing?

What had you been feeling?

What had happened leading up to the grocery store?

Yeah, so I actually, both days I tried to do it.

I had been helping a friend who owns a boutique in Saratoga, needed some extra help on the weekend.

So I'd been probably for a good four or five hours, just helping customers in her store.

And I was hungry because I, of course, had focused on working.

So I didn't stop and do anything during that time, you know, And.

And also excited because I had some extra cash.

And I'm like, I have the means.

I'm hungry.

Perfect timing.

And then it was.

I don't know what went wrong after that was a newer thing to me.

And again, like, I just.

I bought my box of uncrustables and my hot dog.

How, Amy, how do you know when you're hungry?

If my stomach starts growling, that's when I assume I'm hungry.

Okay, so the.

The crazy thing about an ADHD body is we don't feel.

And I can go into the whole why, but we do not feel things like hunger, thirst, needing to go to the bathroom, emotions until they are really large.

Yes.

And we are at the point of kind of no return.

So what I am hearing is you would spend all day with people, so you probably exerted a lot of energy.

Even if it.

Even if it fed you.

Right.

You were having to interact a lot.

You hadn't eaten.

You had been doing something new and different than your normal life, which probably gave you a lot of dopamine.

Because we.

What do we like?

We like urgency, challenge, interest, and novelty.

So you got a lot of novelty.

And what else do we know?

We know that in an ADHD brain, when we get a lot of dopamine, we don't go back to, like, center, like a neurotypical person.

We get a lot of dopamine, and then we go boom.

So I am curious, if you had a lot of hunger, you were kind of at that point of no return.

And if you were completely kind of dysregulated from having a day like that, what do you think?

I think it probably is.

I mean, that that was the biggest change to other times I've gone grocery shopping and I do.

Typically I've done work and I'm on my way home, so I'm gonna stop at the grocery store.

So you're pretty regulated when you've done that.

What in.

Let's like kind of go back.

We're going to use our.

I always talk about a rewind remote and a fast forward remote.

We're going to use a rewind remote.

You're leaving the store.

What is one thing that it could have helped you maybe regulate your dopamine a little more?

And another thing that you could have done on the way there to even if your body wasn't telling you you're hungry, your brain was like, oh, I haven't eaten all day.

I probably should, right?

Maybe one of your alarms went off.

So what is one thing you could do to regulate yourself?

And is what is one thing that you could do that would be quick and easy to help regulate your blood sugar?

Can we talk about it a little bit?

Yeah.

Yeah.

So when you're feeling like your dopamine is dysregulated, other whether you're really high or you're really low, having a plan to bring you back to that middle is really important for an ADHD brain.

So like I said in neuro, the difference between an ADHD brain and a neurotypical brain with the dopamine is a neurotypical person can get a lot of dopamine, right?

Let's say they're on Instagram and they're like, oh, I'm getting all the dopamine they get off Instagram.

It might dip a little bit, but then their.

Their nervous system's like, I got you.

But bring you back to regulation where an ADHD brain, right, you're getting all that dopamine from that new exciting day.

You get that money and then you leave it and your brain is like, oh.

So when you are in that low, what are some things that work for you that help bring you up again?

I can give you some examples for myself if that would help.

Okay.

Really good music that I can sing at the top of my lungs.

A latte.

A latte always brings me dopamine.

Someone that I connect with, like, and just having a chit chat.

Cause I am a verbal processor.

I need to blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

Move heavy load.

So like literally doing like chair pose, if you know yoga, or doing like 20 squats or trying to push a wall away from me, those heavy loads help to bring me up.

So when you hear that, is there anything that kind of.

With you?

Yeah, one Thing is, I have four cats who are my emotional support cats.

Um, and honestly, just being around them because as Sarah knows, they're like my posse.

They follow me around and stuff.

So, you know, like, I come home and they're like dogs, you know, they all come and want attention and we sit down and that's kind of, you know, a routine I look forward to because they're all like, oh, you're back.

You love us still.

Okay, I love it.

And honestly, the other thing I find myself doing sometimes a lot, and I play logic games on my phone.

I can't.

I'm not gonna do.

I don't just play random games.

Like I have to play killer sudoku and things where like, I don't know if it's just, you know, switching that mode, which again sometimes then just leads to hyper focus.

And you know, I played killer sudoku for three hours and then I'm like, okay, now.

But yeah, we're gonna talk about hyperfocus in a minute.

Yes, it has to be.

But it has to be also, you know, not educational, but like, I feel like I do better with logic things.

And honestly, even lately, I've been playing a lot of Texas Holden poker because there's this.

It's never the same.

It's not just logic.

It's also kind of like figuring people out.

So.

And I just do it for fun.

It's about the challenge.

Yeah, I was just gonna say think about that.

Interest.

Challenge.

Yes.

Novelty.

Because every game is different.

Yes.

You are hitting three of the big four.

Playing that.

Next time you are going to the grocery store, what we can start to think about is doing a check in with yourself.

A compassionate.

Remember, we're going to do compassionate check in with yourself.

I regulated.

Have I had a day that has keep me.

I call it the green zone.

That has kept me pretty much in the green zone.

Am I really, really high and I need to do something that maybe will help bring me down?

Like I would imagine being with your cat.

Right.

Do I need to get a drink of water?

Do I need to play a logic game?

Am I really low?

Do I need to play some Texas hold'em to bring me up?

And with that curiosity and that non judgmental awareness, like, okay, where and because before you even walk into the grocery store, we got to get you in that green zone.

Because if you're not making those decisions, even if they feel like simple decisions, I call a lot of things we do with ADHD simple but not easy.

Right.

So many of my clients are like, it should Be so easy as you just pick the chicken up.

Well, if it was easy, you would have been able to do it.

So we're going to call it simple but not easy.

And the other thing is body checking in with your body.

Is my blood sugar pretty regulated?

Have I gone to the bathroom?

Have I had any water today?

Right?

Have I moved my body?

And I don't mean run a marathon, but have I?

Have I moved my body?

We know that body movement is essential for an ADHD brain.

And if you check those boxes before you go to the grocery store and you're like, whoa, it is four and I haven't eaten today and my body hasn't told me my hungry, but I'm feeling like a little grumpy, I'm a little tired, I'm a little sluggish.

Having your go to hyper focus food or hyper fixation food, like the uncrustable, whatever it is at that time, it's cool.

If it changes, we don't care.

But having the one go to hyper fixation food ready and having it before you go to the grocery store is also going to help you with that decision paralysis.

Part of why you're in decision paralysis if you're hungry, even if your body isn't telling you you're hungry is because you're really in fight.

Fight or flight.

Body's like, oh, we haven't gotten fed in a while so we're just going to go into self preservation mode.

And you literally can't make a decision about food because your body's like, we're just trying to survive here.

I can't decide which chicken to buy.

I'm just trying to like get through the day and not get eaten by the saber tooth tiger when I say those things.

I would love to hear from you what could be a grocery store plan for you before you go to the grocery store that can help you feel like you're in that green area.

Yeah, I would agree with that.

Flight or fight.

I feel like that's just my constant state.

I'm just kind of chuckling still at that because I'm like, that's, that's just me.

Always.

I say that like ADHD's.

We were probably so good in caveman days, we probably rocked right now.

We live in this like modern environment where going to the grocery store shouldn't put us in fight or flight.

But it does because our brain is like, what if we get eaten there?

I know.

Mine's like, what if there's people there?

There are always people there.

So Exactly.

Yeah.

What if someone talks to me?

What if I see someone I know?

Which aisle do I duck down?

I tend to always, like I said, I go as how it works because I'm driving by there, I've already had a day and it's.

This is just what makes sense to do without really checking in and thinking about that other stuff.

Because I'm done from work, I'm going home, the grocery store is in between.

And I'm definitely not going to go home just to see the cats and then go back out, even just I have flexibility in my schedule.

Maybe just rethinking once I get up, do that and then go to work maybe.

Or even not always thinking the standard like, I'm coming home, I'm going to the grocery store on these days and find a time again when I know if I can pay attention and see what time of day even.

Yeah, I, you know, because again, I'm only shopping for a couple days to keep it simple.

So, you know, even if, even if I'm at my office space, I can.

There's a fridge.

It's not like I have a ton of stuff and I could always just win.

It is a better time.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Sarah, I love that you're raising your hand.

The teacher in me is like, thank you for waiting your turn.

I appreciate it.

And this is just audio, so no one knows that Sarah's sitting there with her hand up.

It's so funny because Amy's talking about what a rebel she is, how she won't eat tacos on Tuesday if it's expected.

And I'm such a rule follower.

I'm like, no, but it's Taco Tuesday.

They both start with a T.

Of.

Course you have to have tacos on Tuesday.

So my question, you were talking about changing to possibly do it at a different time.

And my immediately thought was like, oh, don't try to change too many things because then to me that's not setting up for success.

But I was wondering, piggybacking off of what you said, what if you had an extra crustable with you in your car and some water and then you drove to the grocery store.

It's already on your way home.

But instead of just getting right out of your car, you could eat a crustable and drink water while you played a logic game.

But I, I don't know about the hyper focus.

That's going to have to be Cory's department.

So you're not sitting there three hours later and they're like, excuse me, the.

Store'S closing and I'm like, wait, I'm about to win the pot.

But I thought if you did one Sudoku, ate some food and drank some water, I just thought maybe that would be a way to level yourself or train a cat to live in your.

But that's like.

That's like a distant second.

Yeah.

I could just watch some cat videos too, probably.

You totally could.

Yeah.

Yeah.

What you think about that plan, Amy or Corey?

What you think about that was.

That was the other thought.

The two thoughts I have is just.

And again, like you said, I'm not going to reinvent the wheel and change everything.

But just even realizing now I do have that option if I felt maybe this week I do feel good and I go in the morning because it works, but it's not next week.

That's not what's right.

And I have my own crystal and drink and, you know, just chill out for a few minutes to regulate.

Just knowing those are two good options instead of trying to figure out from an infinite number of options.

Yeah, what could work.

And maybe those two don't work on a certain time time.

But yeah, you know, I.

Having been through therapy and all that stuff, you know, I always had my toolbox for anxiety.

And that's the biggest thing right now is none of that works anymore.

And realizing it's because I need a toolbox for adhd, which I don't have that.

So, you know, being.

Being able to say these two things can go in my toolbox when it comes to that is a big thing for me.

That's what my program is called.

Build.

You'd effing toolbox.

E F E Executive functioning.

You're building your effing toolbox, Amy.

You're building it.

Okay.

Another question I have is what do you do when you are grocery shopping?

So what I heard was you kind of roam around with your cart usually.

Sarah and I had talked about this in.

In one of my tapings.

She was.

We were talking about making it into a game and such too.

Basically, I got is just to focus on.

I'm gonna get protein and I think being like, I'm gonna get two or three fruits and vegetables.

I'm gonna get this and this, and that's normally what I do.

Cause the roaming, I know, is not gonna work.

Yeah.

Okay.

Again, I was this last time, I think again.

Cause I was off and I didn't realize it.

Yeah.

Maybe I was rumming to try to, you know, get something, a hit of dopamine.

But yeah, you were doing some dopamine mining.

You're like, maybe it's down this aisle.

Maybe it's down this aisle.

It was out of stock that night.

So Corey.

Yeah.

For people who need that dopamine and that novelty seeking, ideally, I feel like a list because I am such a prepared person.

But is asking somebody like Amy to make a list is, is that just like the wrong way to, to go for the grocery store?

It depends on, on who.

Right?

So my, my 16 year old just got her driver's license and I was sending her.

She.

Now I get to pay her to go to the grocery store for me.

Which is like, because Amy, I'm like, with you and like, it's the best thing that's ever happened to me.

So I sent her yesterday for the week and for her I had to do like vegetable fruits.

This is where you're going to get.

No dairy aisle.

This is what you're going to get.

She needs that for her brain.

She has ADHD too.

Right.

But when I send my husband who just likes to go, I just say, these are the meals.

And he oh, okay, I'll get this and this.

I say that because it really depends on your brain.

So it sounds like what's working for you is having those categories.

Okay, I'm going to have a couple, I'm going to have a couple proteins.

I'm going to have a couple vegetables.

I'm going to have a couple starches.

Oh, I'm going to need a couple things from the dairy aisle.

And why I think that might work for your brain is you explained earlier that that Defiance piece is big.

Yes, that's what I'm picturing.

I'm like, if I write down strawberries, even though I love strawberries, like, I'm going to see it.

Then I'm like, nope.

Yeah, like, it's just like, Exactly.

So what I would love for you to think about your brain is you need boundaries.

Everybody does.

But you need boundaries that are squishy.

Like, you can't have like, have you ever been bowling with Bump?

You know, where you put the bumpers in?

You can't have hard bumpers because you're just going to like take a hammer to them.

You need bumpers that have like really squishy sides.

And so I love that idea of being like, I need a couple pieces of fruit because that gives you that bumper.

But it's not so strong and so rigid that your brain is like spa smelling.

I'm not getting any fruit.

Right.

So I love that idea.

The other thing that I'm Wondering is dopamine pairing.

So have you heard of dopamine pairing?

I feel like I've heard of it.

I'm not sure if I.

Okay, so dopamine pairing might become your best friend.

So dopamine pairing is.

We pair something that we really enjoy or gives us dopamine or is high interest with something that maybe is not as much.

So, for instance, for me, I cannot do the dishes without dopamine pairing.

I hate doing the dishes.

So what I do is that is my time to watch really terrible reality TV that I would never sit down and watch otherwise.

So I put on my housewives or my Love Island.

That is my time to do the dishes.

I even do even more dishes because I'm like, ooh, I need to see who do they end up with.

Right near the grocery store.

That is my time to listen to a podcast that I really like.

It's usually like a true kind podcast because it's really interesting and I get into it.

And what that does for our brains, for our ADHD brain, is twofold.

One, it helps to bring up that dopamine if it's low.

Right.

Dishes do not bring me dopamine, so it helps bring it up.

The other thing is we know that our brains like to have something to attend to, and that actually helps us be more focused.

You might Notice that some ADHDers do really well studying or something in a busy cafe rather than like a silent cafe or a silent room.

The reason is that actually stimulates our brain to attend and focus.

Sometimes it doesn't work.

Sometimes we're listening to that conversation four tables over.

Right.

So I'm wondering what you think about trying to dopamine pair while you're grocery shopping.

Yeah, well, I'd actually tried that without really, I guess, calling it that when Sarah and I had talked about doing things in my kitchen, because she had been like, when you're doing the dishes, you can put.

I have an iPad.

You could put a TV show on.

Something that doesn't.

That wasn't the answer.

That wasn't apparent because I do find sensory and distracted even the level of noise.

So even, like, in focusing on cleaning my apartment and, you know, pretty much dropping everything else, Like, I couldn't have the TV on.

I didn't listen to music in that instance.

Okay, that's really good to know.

I do.

I do sometimes need it as like, you know, my emotional support, background noise, you know, a TV show that I know.

But not a lot of times if I really.

Noises distract me.

And even in My shared office space.

I've always.

I might not even have music on, but I've got my earbuds in because they are noise canceling.

And so I'm still searching.

Exactly.

For.

In certain instances now, going to the grocery store, I.

Music might.

I haven't tried that.

The things that I find that give me dopamine, I need to focus more.

You know, I'm wondering, at the grocery store, do you get distracted by other people's conversations?

Do you get distracted about noise in the grocery store?

I get distracted things.

And some, you know, it could, you know, one day it could be the people.

Sometimes I find myself, I'm just like, wow, look at this pretty packaging.

Sometimes it's just too much, too much stimulus.

Like, I just want to see one Candace try to fade out, though.

But yeah, so I'm wondering if wearing noise canceling headphones or loop.

Do you have, do you have any sort of.

No, I want to get them.

Yes.

I'm wondering if getting some loops and wearing those.

See, that also is a dopamine pairing because you're, you're creating like silence for yourself.

The other thing is I've had clients that wear sunglasses.

Having that kind of barrier, even though you look kind of like you're too cool for school.

Right.

In the grocery store.

But that's okay.

We don't care.

Care about that.

I'll just make a T shirt that says, I have adhd.

Just ignore me.

Perfect.

Yeah, exactly.

And then with some sunglasses, right?

Yeah.

So that's so good for you to know.

And this is what you know, working with your brain rather than against it.

If you notice, you're easily distracted and that's kind of keeping you from making those decisions.

Eliminating those distractions as much as possible is also could be helpful.

I was just wondering, and this may not be a solution, but one of the great things about COVID is now you can do so much stuff online.

And I just, I don't know what the turnaround time is for the store that Amy shops at, but I just thought, well, what if she could pick her food at work on the computer?

You're not.

Oh, I can read Amy's face.

She is like, that is not novelty enough.

I was trying to figure out a way to reduce the, the grocery store noise.

Yeah, no, I can't.

I.

Okay, I've, I, I've tried it.

I get angry because I know that the online prices are slightly higher than the in store prices.

So there's this part of me again that's just like defiant I like, I'm not paying.

I know it's for the convenience and everything, but I would rather be crazy and not be overstimulated than to pay $7 extra.

Okay, let's go back to Corey's genius.

My, my idea was not right.

I love it.

I love it.

You have that ADHD sense of justice.

You know, we're justice seekers too.

And I feel like online shopping is so good for folks that just know.

Right.

I have some clients that are so hyper fixated on what they eat that they're like every week I need three chicken breasts.

I need two cups of spinach.

I need.

So it works perfect for them because they just have it in and then they're like order.

Okay, so I would love to do a check in and then do we have time to talk a little bit about hyper focus?

Okay, so I would love to know so far, what are two things that you can put in your toolbox for food and grocery shopping?

If it's something that's gonna work after work to have snack with me of some sort, have a little, little bite, little drink and just when I get there, maybe just take a minute, check in, even see what the latest is on Facebook.

Just something quick before I go into the store.

And then just for me knowing to keep having the boundaries but not going back to still focusing on this category, you know, and not worry about any specifics, having boundaries, but loose, again, broad, broad categories to know what I.

What's going to work.

And I think that's going to be such an awesome way for you to think about all your decisions going forward.

I know I don't do well if I have like this super specific thing that I have to.

But I also know I don't do well if I have 45 choices.

So yourself with those, those squishy.

The squishy boundaries.

Yeah.

Okay, let's talk a little bit about hyper focus.

Something that I hear a lot is, oh, hyperfocus is such a superpower for ADHDers.

And it is.

And just like every superpower, it has its downside.

So when we hyperfocus, we can focus and we can get a lot done, but at the expense of our physical health, our mental health and our emotional well being.

When we are in hyper focus, what I always suggest is we figure out a way to keep ourselves just on that edge of hyperfocus while also making sure that we're not neglecting what is important for us to stay in a as regulated state as possible.

So the, the definition of hyper focus is we Are completely dysregulated.

We are flooded with cortisol.

We are flooded with dopamine.

When we're flooded with cortisol and dopamine, our body is.

It's.

It's literally going into that fight.

Right.

We are like, I will fight this project, and I will win at all costs.

So I'm wondering what I heard earlier is you said you set alarms, but that you often ignore.

Okay.

So do you feel like you are in alarm fatigue?

Do you feel like you have too many alarms?

Probably.

Again, it was a novelty at first, and now, like, I know it's gonna happen.

I do it because I don't know what else to do.

That was just my go to solution.

And, you know, they.

They do help me.

I sometimes don't realize what time it is.

So, I mean, they.

They do.

They do draw my attention, but I.

They aren't as useful, probably.

Okay.

If that makes sense.

So you still are able to.

100%.

So you're still able to pay attention to the alarm?

You know what?

The alarm went off.

Okay.

Yes.

Because sometimes I work with folks that are like, the alarm went off for 25 minutes and they had no idea.

And then their partner or something came in, was like, your hands are going up.

Okay, that's good.

What are the questions you can ask yourself when that alarm goes off?

That will help you make the decision.

You need to take a break or it's okay to keep going.

Okay.

I offer some and you can say, like, yes or no.

Okay.

One is, have I gone to the bathroom?

Another is, have I drank water or have I had anything to drink?

Another is, when was the last time I ate and would having something put into my mouth important right now?

Another is, have I stood up?

Have I moved my body?

And here's what I would recommend you come up with your own.

Those are mine.

Minor food.

Bathroom.

Water.

Movement.

Movement usually means, like, have I taken my eyeballs off the screen at all?

And why I do those is those are the things that I know I ignore when I'm in hyper focus that are essential.

Right.

If my kids are home, like, this week, I'll be like, check on kids.

Are my children still alive?

Are the humans still moving in the house?

Are they even in the house?

Like, who?

What's going on?

Where did they go?

Yes.

Yeah.

Is the sun still up?

Right.

You know, so yours could be, like, kitties.

Like, how are the cats doing?

Right.

And what I do is I literally just take, like, 30 seconds to run through those.

Then I decide, okay, do I need to take care of one of those.

And if I do, my brain is usually like, but do it in 20 minutes because you, you know, you only have 20 more minutes of this.

So what I do is I write down where I am in my project or my writing or.

And then I write down the first step that I'm going to do when I get back.

And what that does is that helps to tell my brain you are okay to come out of this hyperfocus for 5 minutes and go to the bathroom and shove an uncrustable in your mouth.

Because you know, when you get back, this is the very first thing.

Because part of why we don't like to come out of hyper focus is we have a fear that we're not going to ever be able to go back in.

Exactly.

I leave this, I'm done.

So that is what works for me.

So I'm wondering what in that, those suggestions, what would feel like your version of that?

Yeah.

So just knowing how my typical day is again, I.

At a desk, at my computer, for the most part, when my alarm goes off, definitely eating, which was the whole point of the alarm.

If I have a protein bar, you know, just if I have something again that I am horrible at, drinking water, because again, it's just don't think about it.

So those are two big ones.

Can I tell you something as a techie person?

Yes.

I've had so many clients that love the Bluetooth water bottle.

Have you ever gotten a Bluetooth water bottle?

No, I've only tried like the apps.

But the Bluetooth one gamifies it.

Okay, might be.

It might be something fun for you.

I look into it for sure.

Just whatever it is about adhd, it's like I don't usually feel hungry and I don't feel thirsty.

The hyper focus thing, because that's how I am.

I'm like, okay, my alarm went off, but I'm so close to finishing this.

So, yeah, like you said, writing down where I was at and knowing that's because.

Yeah, that's what I feel like.

I don't.

I'm like, okay, the alarm went off, but I'm just gonna spend 10 more minutes.

Now that we know that doesn't equate.

To 10 minutes, but yeah, exactly.

Sarah.

I'm the analogy queen and I just thought of a great analogy for that.

And I visualized it like a car on the interstate and you're up against that red line and you're going 85 miles an hour.

And it's like, you know, you need to cool down the engine or it's down to E on your gas tank and it's like, no, you need to pull off at the rest stop.

Right.

And I love your tactic of writing down the next step because it's like, you're guaranteed on ramp.

You're like, nope.

Because, yeah, I can see how it feels like a cliff.

Like, I'm so close.

I'm so close.

And you have that fight or flight.

And then I love how you're like, no, just write down.

What's the first step when I come back?

Amy, does that feel like a tool that you could use?

Because to me, I'm like, oh, I'm going to use that.

It definitely does for my work environment.

So, yeah, if I'm on my computer, at my desk, in my office space.

Yeah, just doing that.

Even my watch, you know, every hour says doo doo dup.

You know, so I already kind of have that.

And I do pretty well at least doing that because I know about like movement and stuff like that.

You know, even if I'm like, I'm gonna go get another cup of coffee, at least I have to walk over there.

Yeah.

Not just coffee.

I'm moving my body.

I would also, Amy, suggest having.

So I would suggest writing down your question.

So I told you my question.

Right, Right.

But that doesn't mean they're your question.

Yeah, suggest writing those down or having them on a phone.

I am like, need to like invest in sticky notes.

Have it on a sticky note somewhere.

I would also suggest having a like getting ready in the morning to work checklist or getting ready to sit down and check.

Do I have my two uncrustables that I'm going to need to eat?

Do I have my bottle of water that every time I stop, I'm going to make sure I take a sip, do it right so that you have no barriers.

Because a hyper focused brain is going to look for any loophole.

Any loophole.

So we want to have at the few amount of loopholes as possible.

And the purpose of these little mini breaks when you're in hyperfocus is to help you kind of stay in that hazy hyperfocus area.

So it's not to pull you out of hyper focus.

So that's my, that's my like beef with like Palmer, Pomdoro.

Pomodoro.

Pomodoro.

I hate this.

Like, right?

It's like.

And everybody says, like, do that for adhd, but it's so much task switching and then it pulls you out.

Why would I go and be outside and you know, jog around the block.

Then that does work for some folks.

It totally does.

I have clients that that is what they need.

Some folks that like that hyper focus, what that does is it totally takes you out of your hyper focus.

It totally takes you away from your attention.

Then you have to like reap back up.

Right.

So, so my purpose of these little mini breaks is little mini check ins, make sure that I am staying as close to regulation as possible.

Level we're not totally regulated because the hyperfocus isn't regulated but we're not like off the chart.

I can see how I'm going to stop and eat while I'm not doing something.

But even just checking in, maybe I can not completely come out of hyperfocus.

But again, at least know I'm going to eat while I'm still because I have my sandwich so I can keep doing part of it.

You know, maybe not as intense, but yeah, just knowing that it doesn't also mean I have to stop completely and just focus on my sandwich because.

Right.

That's not going to happen.

So.

Oh, and, and here's the thing that is so, so important as you're building your ADHD toolbox to remember that you have to work with what is going to work for your brain.

Right.

And the last thing I'm going to say about hyper focus is hyperfocus is giving you a lot of dopamine.

We want to stair step down.

We don't want to go from a lot of dopamine to no dopamine.

It sounds like stopping to eat lunch is like a very low dopamine for you.

So I like the idea of still being at your desk.

Maybe you stand up, right?

Like maybe you stand up, you eat, you're kind of ruminating about what you're working on and then you sit down and keep going.

That's working with your brain rather than trying to work against it where you're like forcing yourself to go sit somewhere else and eat.

And the whole time your brain is like right, doing those check ins for that hyper focus and being like, okay, how am I doing?

Have I like looked around?

Have I seen the real world?

Okay, cool.

Now I can get back into it.

How does this all feel?

I feel like we did a lot of not necessarily about food but about how your brain works.

So I'm wondering what are some takeaways?

Yeah, it's, it's been cool because again I said I feel like uneducated.

But the nature of this is everyone is so different Anyways, that one thing doesn't work for everyone.

But again, I know I struggle with the self compassion and I'm very hard on myself and that's always at the forefront of myself too.

You know, I'm an overthinker, you know, because the brain's always going.

So I'm always in touch.

I can tell you at any point what I'm thinking and feeling.

But remembering to try to, you know, gear it with the self compassion too, like, okay, I'm thinking this horrible thing, but what is really, let's flip it.

Yeah, well.

And.

And my hope with this is as much as I want to always solve everything immediately, my hope for you, Amy, was to just open that doorway to There is a whole world of toolboxes for adult adhd.

Yep.

And Corey was so kind enough to share her zone of genius in working with people.

And I learned so much more.

I've got a whole page of notes and, and Amy I wanted to highlight.

And we're going to highlight more of where to get in touch with Corey.

Corey has a.

Is it a weekly email?

Yeah, semi weekly.

It's weekly, Yep.

Amy, I would highly recommend this email because I learned so much about myself, how to work with clients.

You always deliver, Corey.

So many good nuggets that I always just wish everyone in the world would read that because it would make the world a better place.

So thank you for sharing your work.

If you would like to share with the audience where people can find you if they want to learn more about your work and what recent projects you've had come out.

Yeah.

Thank you.

So if you would like my weekly newsletter and I don't share it with anyone, it's really for me to be able to share education tip with my community and you can go to my website, which is Whiteland Coaching Services W I G H t l I n.com and you can sign up there.

I also recently was a co author in a book called Balance your business and you can find that on Amazon.

And Amy, that might be interesting for you.

It's geared towards entrepreneurs, but it's really for anyone who feels like finding balance in business and being able to care for yourself and treat yourself compassionately while also trying to work and do all of that is challenging.

So there's a lot of tips and tricks in that.

So definitely if you're interested in that.

Sign up for my weekly email because I will be giving more information about that.

But I also currently work one on one with adults and families and students and building these toolboxes.

So I would love to connect with anyone who wants more information.

And a reminder to our audience too.

Corey and I created a course together, Home Management for Neurodiversity, which is.

Link all of this in the show notes.

Lacey, my co host, does such a great job with making sure we highlight everything, but the biggest takeaway is there's always another tool to put in your toolbox.

There's always somebody compassionate to hear what's going on.

And Amy, I just, at the end of the day, I just want you to know you're not alone.

And Corey highlighted that so well and that it's going to be tough and it's not going to be all solved at once, but there's resources and luckily you're gonna get to re listen to this.

So I know we covered a lot of ground, but you'll be able to listen again to all this good information.

And Corey, I can't thank you enough for your time.

And Amy, I can't thank you enough for being willing to share your story so that it would possibly help other people.

So thank you, both of you.

Thank you so much.

Thank you.

And yeah, thank you, Amy, for being so open and honest and vulnerable.

I know so, so many people are going to listen to this and, and just resonate so much.

So thank you for that.

Yes, thank you.

Thank, thank you too.

That's again, you know, the, the toughest thing I find is just knowing where to go for resources too.

Just because again, everything's overwhelming.

So thank you.

So that was Amy episode three.

And as you got to hear, it was about Corey and Amy's process.

I was listening.

I tried what I thought was some helpful suggestions.

How do you say it?

It was like a fart in church.

What's that expression?

It went over like a fart in church or like a lead balloon.

So, yeah, it was really not about me at all.

And what I'm really thankful for is that Amy is going to get to listen to this.

So it's going to keep being helpful to her.

Not just those aha's in the moment, but, but I actually reached out to her as I was editing this podcast and asked her some updates and she's done some amazing steps forward.

She has a challenging time with compassion for herself, which I get it.

I get it as a human, as a woman, as somebody diagnosed with Neurodiversity very late in life.

I get it.

But she was able to highlight some really big steps forward.

She's taken with the kitchen, with her food magnets, with working one step at a time.

And most importantly, she's recognizing that she can embrace how her brain works and that it doesn't have to work like everyone else's.

That made me so happy.

And thanks again to Corey.

Yeah, big thank you to Corey.

Big thank you to Amy for being vulnerable and sharing.

And I feel like I see a lot about women being diagnosed with ADHD later in life because it shows up a little differently.

And I know that she's not alone in this, and I really think her story will help other.

Other people, specifically women in a similar situation.

Yes.

I've learned through this journey that ADHD in women shows up differently.

And so, yes, it's often misdiagnosed or not diagnosed.

And like Amy said in her episode, she was diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder.

And then coming to this 20 years later with the correct diagnosis has been a game changer.

So, yeah, if we can even just spread awareness about that, that's amazing.

And yes, like you said, thank you again to Amy.

She was so open, and that's not always easy to say.

This is what's not working in my life, and I'm gonna share all the details.

Thank you, Amy.

Best of luck going forward.

And I've strongly encouraged her to subscribe to Corrie's weekly email.

She gives a lot of great resources and encouragement every week, along with the one on one coaching and the group coaching that she provides.

Wow.

That's a wrap on our participant for this season.

We're just rolling through season three.

It's happening so fast.

Well, it's funny.

It's happening so fast and it's alongside your pregnancy.

So it's kind of like season three and your pregnancy both progress.

Can we call this baby season three?

Yes.

I mean, as a matter of fact, because it's three for me as well.

Baby number three.

So it all.

It'll make so much sense.

First name season, middle name three, or like just a hyphenated first name.

Season three.

I, for some reason, my guts had hyphenated.

I want to give, like, season three, Barbara Tomlinson.

Like, I want a very weirdly specific, you know, just a strong name as a middle name.

That kind of makes you go, oh, okay, yes.

Love it.

Yes.

I mean, I wanted to say, I'm assuming we have to get Joe's okay, but I feel close enough to you that I'M gonna say you and I can make this decision together, which, in.

The reality of things, Joe is the pickiest person when it comes to names.

So there's a lot of no's.

Right away, you could videotape his reaction to that offer.

I think you would be not.

I don't think you would be disappointed because I don't even think he would entertain the joke at all.

It would just be like, no and move.

He wouldn't say no.

What the heck?

No.

That's crazy.

I really.

I think he would just be like, no.

Like, I don't even know if he would take the time to respond.

Let's take our our moment of gratitude to wrap up our episode today.

I'm going to use the pregnancy segue to talk about my gratitude for hand me downs.

My nesting instinct has really kicked in.

I always.

Before I had kids, this has been me with the third one or all three.

Now I like, I had this picture of, like, a beautifully dressed, calm pregnant woman and an immaculately designed and decorated nursery, calmly folding onesies.

That's the picture I had in my mind.

I am so far away from that picture.

I am a pregnant woman, and that is about the similarities we have.

I'm so aggressively angry about needing everything to be done.

It's not pretty.

We don't even have a nursery.

It's not true.

We have, like, a nursery closet now.

My nesting is very aggressive, which becomes a little bit even more difficult because we have done literally nothing for this.

I mean, well, I mean, I'm growing the child.

Let me just say I've been doing stuff.

We've done no preparation in our home.

We haven't bought anything, literally nothing up until about a week ago.

So you can imagine if you're in this aggressive, get stuff done nesting place, and there's zero progress.

It's a struggle of a place to be on our way now.

But one of the things that has made it so much better for me is that Joe's brother and his wife, they are done with kids, and we're getting rid of their baby stuff.

And they brought it down and gave us a whole bunch of stuff.

And we.

We were not ready for it, but we said, yes, give it to us.

It got put in the garage, and then I got the space where baby things were gonna go to a place, and I asked Jello to bring everything up to me.

And yesterday I went through it, and if a baby showed up tomorrow, we would have stuff.

You know, just feels so good.

And Becca, shout out to you if you ever listen to this?

Someday.

I've already texted her and told her she's an organized badass, but like, things were clearly labeled, you know, in bags.

So, yeah, we are starting over from scratch with baby number three because we thought we were done.

It's a very weird place to be starting over from scratch when you already know too much.

Like, I wish I was a little bit more ignorant.

Then you also feel this pressure to like, be as minimalistic as possible, but also like, I know good enough to know that I kind of want this one thing to be the really nice thing and this one thing I don't care about, you know, those kinds of things.

So we're managing, we're working on it.

Just so thankful for the baby stuff that came and could be here to make me feel like things were accomplished.

We could handle a baby if it happened too soon.

I am so happy for you.

And yeah, I love the cycle of passing things on because so many of those items you need for six months or three months, there's such small windows with so many of those items.

So I love that they were able to pass along.

I can still remember meeting up with this mom.

It was a friend of a friend.

I didn't even know her directly, but I was pregnant and she was at that point where she was done having kids and she was done having all the stuff.

She just met me in this parking lot and she was so relieved.

She didn't want anything for it.

She just gave me all this stuff and I was like, oh my gosh.

And then I got to that point where I was like, I want this stuff out of my house.

And then it goes like full circle and you're like, oh my gosh, get all of this stuff out of my house.

So I love that you were able to receive and that's just so beautiful.

It is.

It's great.

I appreciate it.

We'll be fine.

We'll get everything that we need and it'll all be fine.

I'm at least no longer rage full in my nesting.

Like I'm feeling calm.

I'm laughing so hard.

Cuz I remember my sister was pregnant with her first, which, oh my gosh, over 20 years ago.

I'd never really been around a pregnant person before.

And I went out and I was visiting her and her husband was gone.

So it was me and her in this apartment.

Apartment.

And that rage nesting hit her.

It was scary.

I didn't know what was going on.

It was like a different human being.

And we ended up at the store and she had to get a new rug.

And she's, like, wrestling these rugs herself, like, not waiting for me.

And then we got home, and she moved all the furniture and put the rug down, and I'm like, oh, my gosh.

What is going on?

And then she didn't like the rug, so she had to undo it all.

So when you say angry nesting, I'm like, yeah, I can picture that very clearly.

The inability to wait for somebody else to do a thing for you very much hits home.

There were some things that I've been asking Jo to do for a while, and I finally was like, I'm just gonna do it.

So I'm, like, pushing things around.

Did I have to lay down for, like, an hour and a half afterwards?

Absolutely.

But it got done.

Where are you, Sarah?

I'm thankful for long johns.

It is really cold.

It is really cold.

I don't know how many times I can say, really?

It is really cold.

I called the vet to make an appointment for my dog, and the receptionist, she just went off.

She was like, it is too cold.

It should be illegal to be this cold.

I cannot get warm.

My brain is not working.

I hear you.

I'm thankful that I have layers to keep me warm.

I'm thankful that I have my big old socks on and my long johns, and.

Yeah, I'm just.

I'm thankful for getting warm when it's cold.

Simple yet essential.

Nothing else works.

Well, if you're too darn cold, I will say something.

And I don't know if this is pregnancy or just who I am now.

I'm struggling with sensory stuff right now, and so I can't wear too many layers.

So I'm grateful for you to be able to wear layers.

I still have eight more weeks.

Well, seven probably now more weeks.

But we are all very ready for the baby here.

Isaac literally got a magic wand, and the first thing that he wished for was for the baby to get big enough and safe enough to come out.

Like, that was his first thing that he tried to use his magic wand for.

So.

Oh, my children are so excited about this baby.

It is so sweet.

We're all just very okay.

Well, thank you for your time and attention today, Sarah.

I appreciate you.

Thank you, Lacey, for showing up and growing a human being.

You're welcome.