Listen Up! Listening Strategies for Success
Dr. Gary Epler – Know where you’re thinking from moment by moment. For healthy listening, think for your heart with kindness and from the mind with creativity. We’ve heard about the importance of listening. English sound expert Julian Treasure has created a new perspective with his book, “How to Be Heard.” For example, early on in life, the growing baby hears from the body before the ears develop, so as adults, we can listen with our ears, eyes, hearts, and bodies.
What else does he talk about?
Talking and listening are equally bound together. What you say affects what the other person hears, and what you hear affects what the other person says. For example, speaking is related to pace, pitch, and volume, which determines how the other person listens. Go too fast for some people, and they won’t hear what you’re talking about. Most commonly, there’s 80% talk and 20% listening. For healthy communication, talk and listen in equal balance, with 50% talking and 50% listening.
What are the benefits of listening?
Here’s three – happiness, persuasion, and health. Happiness comes from balanced listening, especially with your close personal relationships. In addition, listening to positive, upbeat music and sounds can make you healthy and happy. Persuasion? People often say, “No one listens to me.” Speaking and listening need to be in balance. Listen to the other person first; then, you’ll know what to say so they’ll hear you. Positive listening is healthy. Loud sounds cause stress, leading to high blood pressure and strokes. Limit them by avoiding loud sound situations, wearing earplugs, or using high-quality headphones.
Why don’t people listen?
(1) Distracting background noise. (2) Not paying attention by being preoccupied with your own thoughts. (3) Stage three cellphone dependency, always having the phone in your hand, completely blocks out listening to the other person. (4) Jumping to conclusions by forming an opinion before the other person finishes their thoughts. (5) Listening to reply, not to understand, which means thinking about what you will say while the other person is talking. (6) Interpreting is the same thing; you’re thinking about what you will say rather than listening until the speaker is finished. (7) People pleasing, you’re thinking about trying to please the other person instead of listening to what they’re saying. (8) Seeking to give advice, waiting for a chance to offer a solution instead of listening and acknowledging the speaker. (9) Emotional reactions by becoming upset and shutting down what the other person is trying to say. (10) Lack of empathy by not thinking about the other person’s feelings.
How are these issues resolved?
Listen to the other person before you talk. Speak and listen with no self-centered thoughts from the primitive brain. Listen from your heart with kindness and listen from the mind with attention and understanding.
Speaking and listening need to be in balance. So, what’s the negative side of speaking?
(1) Competitive speaking with self-centered talk dominating the conversation. Solve this with no one-ups, no put-downs, and no destructive comments. (2) Gossip, which is speaking badly about someone who is not present. (3) Negativity. (4) Complaining. (5) Criticizing. (6) Blame. (7) Excuses. (8) Exaggerating and lying. (9) Closed mind with fixed opinions, not open to new ideas and ways of seeing things. (10) Authoritarian speaking by using opinions and emotions as facts.
How can these negative habits be eliminated?
These habits can be eliminated by no head thinking with self-centered thoughts from the primitive brain. Instead, speak from your heart with kindness and, speak from the mind with creativity, and help others.
What are good listening practices?
(1) Practice silence. It’s a sound. It’s between words and between thoughts. In silence, we hear who we are. Take a periodic silence break to recalibrate your hearing and enjoy beautiful, soothing, and healthy sounds. (2) Take the time to savor and enjoy sounds by consciously listening to the texture, harmony, and variety of sounds. (3) Listen with your ears, with your eyes, and with your heart. (4) Listen with different perspectives, including active listening to be understood, passive listening for pleasure, critical listening for offering an opinion, and empathy listening for offering kindness from your heart.
What are other good listening practices?
(5) Listen with humility, not self-importance. Be aware with conscious listening and have respect for the speaker. (6) Listen to nature. Call it the biophony; it’s healthy. Three natural sounds have been around for millions of years: wind, water, and birds. Listening to the sound of gentle wind, trickling water from a stream, or lapping waves from the ocean, and the sweet sound of songbirds is soothing and healthy. (7) Finally, organizations need to listen in balance, not 90% outbound and 10% inbound but equally with 50% outbound and 50% inbound.
Speaking and listening are the same thing, so what are the positive practices of speaking?
(1) Honesty and integrity. (2) Be clear with no filler words or filler sounds (3) Use straight talk with no obscuration. (4) Authenticity by being your true self, speaking from your heart with kindness. (5) Understand and know your and the other person’s listening styles. Are you a reductive listener going on a talking journey with an end solution, or are you an expansive listener going on the journey to share the enjoyment of being together?
Joan – Use your listening skills for pleasing, healthy conversations and improved relationships. Do you have any closing comments?
Dr. Gary Epler – Listening will create a new world of increased productivity, positive relationships, and success. Listen with your heart with kindness. Listen with the mind for attention and help others. Be your true, authentic self for healthy and productive communication.
