Mastering Negotiation: From Hostage Tactics to Everyday Deals with Susan Ibitz

SUMMARY

In this episode of Present Influence, host John Ball interviews Susan Ibitz, an expert in international hostage negotiation, interrogation, and behavioural analysis, about applying real hostage negotiation strategies to everyday situations. Susan shares practical tactics for establishing instant rapport, navigating irrational behaviour, and negotiating without scripts. She discusses the balance of warmth and assertiveness in communication and the importance of understanding both your own and others' irrational behaviours. The episode also highlights the value of strategic negotiation in various contexts, from personal relationships to high-stakes business deals, and encourages listeners to embrace their authentic selves to find their true tribe.

CHAPTERS

00:00 Introduction to Hostage Negotiation Techniques

01:51 Meet Susan Ibitz: Hostage Negotiator and Behavioural Analyst

02:24 The Importance of Authenticity and Finding Your Tribe

03:25 Susan's Journey: From Personal Struggles to Professional Success

08:53 Communication Techniques for Building Rapport

13:21 Understanding and Managing Irrational Behaviour

32:46 Reflecting on Fashion Choices

34:01 The Challenges of Public Speaking

35:07 Introverts vs. Extroverts in Public Speaking

40:57 Finding Your Happy Place

42:46 The Importance of Negotiation

52:48 Overcoming Obstacles for Personal Growth

01:01:08 Conclusion and Final Thoughts

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What if you could borrow from real hostage negotiation tools to win

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fair deals, calm tense conversations,

and connect fast with anyone.

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Most of us rely on scripts or talk

too much or get hijacked by other

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people's emotions or even our own.

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These things cost, trust,

sales and opportunities.

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My guest today, Susan Ibitz, breaks

down practical tactics that you can use

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today from her Me Too moment for instant

rapport, warm plus assertive framing,

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and how to negotiate without scripts

and how to navigate irrational behavior

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at work, at home, and even on stage.

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Now, I'll say this, this episode

may not be for everybody.

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If you really don't like to step outside

of the norms of society, if you're

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the kind of person who prefers to

fit into the molds that are presented

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for you and live by the archetypal

images that society has ready for you,

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then this may not be the episode that

you are gonna get the most out of.

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If you are someone who likes to

at least understand irationality

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and maybe see where there might be

opportunity within that to let your

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freak flag fly to embrace the oddities,

quirks, weirdness about ourselves?

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And maybe you will leverage that to help

you find your people, your tribe, the

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places where you are going to resonate

and make the biggest impact rather

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than trying to please everybody in this

episode might be very much for you.

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Now, I apologize in advance.

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There are some audio issues, not least

that Susan has about six cats that were

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running riot whilst we were recording,

and I've done my best to try and,

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uh, edit out that background noise.

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But there is still some of it in

the episode, so you will hear it.

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You'll also hear it referred

to by Susan as we speak.

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Also, I did my very best to make the sound

quality as good as possible, but there was

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a limit to what I could do, so hopefully

you will at least find it listenable.

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I would say this is absolutely worth

sticking with what may not be perfect

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audio to get what Susan has to share.

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Now.

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Also, Susan trained in

international hostage negotiation.

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Much like you may have

come across Chris Ross.

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We talk about him a

little in the episode two.

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She's worked across interrogation,

political consulting,

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and behavioral analysis.

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She now teaches leaders how to

influence ethically and effectively.

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If you're still with

us, enjoy the episode.

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Welcome to Present Influence, the

show for speakers, coaches and

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expert business owners who want

to deliver more impact, influence,

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and inspiration in their message.

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My name's John Ball, keynote

speaker, communication coach,

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and your guide on this journey to

mastery level communication skills.

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Susan, welcome to the show.

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I've really been looking

forward to speaking to you.

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We're gonna get into some interesting

topics today, and we're gonna

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be looking much more, I guess,

on the influence side of things.

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But, uh, first of all, welcome,

great to be speaking with you today.

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Susan Ibitz: Thank you for

having me, John, because when I

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approached to you, I know my email

was not conventional, introducing

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myself and it says it's perfect.

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Like, great.

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You need to find your people

first, then define your business.

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So you're my people.

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Love it.

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John: It's the stuff that stands

out that gets attention, right?

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I get so many pitches from people that all

look the same or they don't really tell

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me anything, or they just tell me how good

their guests are or how good they are.

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And, uh, I don't want that.

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I want someone who's actually gonna

be able to talk, having interesting

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conversation with, and talk about

some interesting things, and you

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definitely fit the bill for that.

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So, uh.

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Definitely, I think this is

gonna be a, a great episode.

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So let's get into some really interesting

stuff 'cause you have such an amazing

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background and not gonna, I'm not

gonna ask you to list it all off.

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Hopefully people have listened

to the introduction to the show,

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but, um, but I will, will ask.

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One of the things that I think was

very much striking and stood out for

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me when we spoke and, and in your

pitch as well, was that you have been

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involved in hostage negotiations.

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Uh, and I can't imagine that

there's a more, more vital area

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for influence skills than that can.

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Can you share a little bit about what that

experience has been like and maybe what

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have been the key elements of influence

and persuasion for you working there?

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Susan Ibitz: I says you cannot talk

about pain if you don't have the pain.

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I don't say it, a doctor need

to have cancer to understand

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consultations, but I feel hostage

of my own persona for a long time.

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Like we were talking, I was yellow.

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I was, I wanna fit in everybody's,

uh, box and I don't fit in any box.

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Um, I have Asperger, I dyslexic.

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I was born in Latin America.

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I have a huge accent due to my dyslexia,

and I understand I was hostage of

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what people was expecting from me.

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So when I was in my late thirties, I

went to London to study, uh, love London.

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That's where I used to live before they

bring me to United States when I was 29.

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I was doing this master and I found out

that some of the people in the master

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was spotting for people that were

special to bring to some units in London.

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So they approached me and says,

we think that you have aspergers.

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Like, oh, because I don't have

anything else in my life, my life

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to go with this actually is great.

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Uh, six.

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Every 10 of our profilers

have what you have.

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So in your IQ is we think is higher

than normal, can we test you?

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They test me and they find out it's true.

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I says, wait a minute,

there's nothing wrong with me.

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So I went back to United States.

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I politely denied that opportunity.

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I need to let go, and I start studying.

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Someone contact me and says,

I think that you will be great

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to be a hostage negotiator.

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Why?

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It's not because you belong to any

forces is because what you can bring

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to the table is the understanding

that, you can influence people

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and understand how to influence

people through the words they use.

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More important, what they don't use.

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That's how they caught the, so I

studied hostage negotiator one and two.

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I was allowed to be level three.

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That's most of the hostage

negotiator and graduate as a

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international hostage negotiator.

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Please don't be in a plane with me and

a white Japan and somebody take it.

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Just I don't want to.

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I love it.

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Let's hope

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John: not.

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But how, how did you feel when, about,

about the whole thing when, when

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that was suggested to you, will you

just straight away like, yep, that's,

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that's for me, that's what I wanna do?

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Or what, what came out for you there?

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Susan Ibitz: Okay.

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As a five years old to have

free pass to Disneyworld.

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What everybody wanna be one of them,

like when you says that, like when I

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don't wanna talk about me and says, oh,

I'm a former civilian hostage negotiator

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trained by, uh, military interrogation

and 18 years political consultant.

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They don't care.

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What is my name?

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Just go for it.

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Everybody want, I was telling you people

watch serial killer series to relax.

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Like it's fascinating not for dating.

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Uh, so I went through the

process, but more important, I

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understood how we are judgemental.

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So we says, oh, this person is trying

to commit suicide because you have

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two kinds of hostage negotiator.

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The hostage taken, that is an

active shooter that become a hostage

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situation where you negotiate 99.9%

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on the phone, sometime the team, not even

from the same state or the same country.

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And after that you have barricades.

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Barricades is when somebody

tried to commit suicide.

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And your job is try,

I'm sorry for the noise.

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I have six, six cats.

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Then I cannot keep holding.

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So it's not your, it's not John's

fault, it's my cat's fault.

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Um, and you need to try to that

person not to commit suicide.

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You cannot lie.

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You cannot say yes, no, and

then you cannot lie, right?

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Because that person is gonna be in

two weeks on the same position and you

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are gonna be hold for that position.

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So without lying, how

you convince someone?

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So those so desperate, two requ, you

have two positions and cost a negotiator.

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I put a bullet between your eyes or

you come up out and handcuff you.

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So understanding how that

work, give me a parameter.

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I'm like, I don't need to be judgmental.

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I need to forget my biases.

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I need to forget what I think

about it, and I need to ask more

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questions and I need to understand.

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Doesn't mean that I get where you ended

up there, but I need to understand

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why your story get you there.

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We have three stories, the

person's story, my story, how

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I am there, and the story we.

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Put together to make sure you

leaving from that situation.

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So it's come from a storytelling that

people who does public speaking, they

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need to understand you need to be a story.

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Doesn't mean that your story is

important, but the story where

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you're gonna get people there.

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And that's will host negotiation.

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Give me and after that, going to Harvard

to start study negotiation with lawyers.

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I not the most proud time of my

times because I have fun having

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fun with them because I was one

step ahead with them, the lawyers.

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So, but yeah, that's how much

and deep get to that topic.

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John: Cool.

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And I, I expect most of us will never

be in a position where we are required

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to do that kind of negotiation.

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But I So you say story was a

critical part of understanding

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this work and doing this work.

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Are there any of the sort communication

techniques that you are able to

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share that might be helpful for

other areas of life as well?

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Susan Ibitz: When you talk about

communication technique, because I

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gave a workshop two weeks ago about.

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Public speaking public and people public.

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And I did it on purpose to understand,

okay, what is public speaking?

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You go to the market and you wanna know

what is the fresh fish on the market.

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You need to establish a communication with

others because what is your role to have

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a fresh fish so your guests are not sick?

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So in order to get that, you

need to establish rapport.

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John: Yeah,

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Susan Ibitz: to establish rapport.

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You cannot be cold.

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But you need to warm and

assertive, warm and assertive and

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says, Hey John, how you doing?

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So you play the piano.

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I'm horrible playing piano, but I can

tell you I love to go to the concert.

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I know about what Mozart

rashman enough so.

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I care about your surroundings, I care

about something that you care about

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to be showing, and I acknowledge my

ignorance on the topic, giving you the

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expertise and give you the upper hand.

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But another way it says that I know enough

to appreciate what you're gonna tell me.

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I have the assertiveness to know that

what you are gonna share with me is

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gonna be appreciated because I have the

background to understand what you said.

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I would define communication in that way.

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Make sense?

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John: Yeah, absolutely.

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So there's a degree, it sounds, at

least you can correct me if I'm wrong,

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that there is, um, an element of,

with the rapport you are creating that

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likability factor and common, common

points of interest that say that we,

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we are similar at least in some way.

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Susan Ibitz: The Me Too is not a team

me too movement, it's the me Too moment.

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Then I start with this 20 years

ago and got kind of de de and

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people says, change the name.

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No.

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I start first.

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I have a Godfather rule.

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Everybody have something in common?

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You're from London.

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I, my last time was London.

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I love London.

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I was planning to retire this in England.

217

00:11:03,311 --> 00:11:03,731

England.

218

00:11:03,731 --> 00:11:04,571

I love England.

219

00:11:04,631 --> 00:11:06,941

I love the food, I love the accent.

220

00:11:06,941 --> 00:11:08,651

I love the, nobody care about your accent.

221

00:11:09,221 --> 00:11:12,141

I love the, at 5:00 PM

we're going for a pint.

222

00:11:12,611 --> 00:11:15,941

I love that the elevator is,

uh, live, that you call it flat.

223

00:11:15,941 --> 00:11:18,161

I love everything about all

London, even the weather.

224

00:11:18,776 --> 00:11:21,536

Because I'm ait, so it's

an excuse not to go out.

225

00:11:21,956 --> 00:11:23,126

So that is the me too.

226

00:11:23,996 --> 00:11:26,906

So in everybody have something in common.

227

00:11:27,206 --> 00:11:31,016

I have talked to interrogators that

says, well, we are in the same room.

228

00:11:31,016 --> 00:11:34,886

That is the thing that you have in

common in a relationship, why you

229

00:11:34,886 --> 00:11:39,536

are relationships and as adult,

well, we look for a partner.

230

00:11:39,716 --> 00:11:40,706

You look for the Me too.

231

00:11:41,066 --> 00:11:42,776

We like dogs, we love cats.

232

00:11:43,016 --> 00:11:44,006

We hate the government.

233

00:11:44,396 --> 00:11:45,476

You never know.

234

00:11:45,536 --> 00:11:47,636

What are the things

that bring you together.

235

00:11:48,401 --> 00:11:52,031

So sometimes that I says, the

enemy of my enemy is my friend.

236

00:11:52,481 --> 00:11:55,181

That is my me to, uh, moment.

237

00:11:55,540 --> 00:11:55,871

Why?

238

00:11:56,081 --> 00:11:57,551

Because we have something in common.

239

00:11:57,790 --> 00:11:58,751

Never be fake.

240

00:11:59,621 --> 00:12:02,561

We need why lies to

lubricate relationships.

241

00:12:03,191 --> 00:12:05,891

But a good one lie, need to be 75% True.

242

00:12:07,361 --> 00:12:09,041

I can says, how you doing?

243

00:12:09,041 --> 00:12:09,656

Like, oh, doing great.

244

00:12:09,986 --> 00:12:11,156

I have a shitty day.

245

00:12:11,366 --> 00:12:12,176

I didn't sleep.

246

00:12:12,446 --> 00:12:14,306

I have a fight with my relationship.

247

00:12:14,486 --> 00:12:16,946

Yeah, I'm having a good day now

because I'm talking with you.

248

00:12:17,006 --> 00:12:20,186

You don't need to know the

other 25% that it's not working.

249

00:12:20,756 --> 00:12:25,436

So when people meet you on a networking

or meet you in a place where they expect

250

00:12:25,436 --> 00:12:30,566

from you to be social love again and

bely, don't make it too complicated.

251

00:12:30,566 --> 00:12:33,956

Be careful what you're sharing

and not sharing over sharing.

252

00:12:35,156 --> 00:12:39,206

You have people that can be a liability

and you have people who can be an asset.

253

00:12:39,596 --> 00:12:43,181

If every time then I pick up

the phone and says, oh God is

254

00:12:43,421 --> 00:12:45,296

Margaret, what is the drama today?

255

00:12:45,296 --> 00:12:46,256

I don't have nonwhite.

256

00:12:46,556 --> 00:12:47,216

Sorry, Margaret.

257

00:12:47,216 --> 00:12:48,056

Go to the voicemail.

258

00:12:48,476 --> 00:12:52,616

Well, I'm getting ready to go to a

place and suddenly I asking myself,

259

00:12:52,826 --> 00:12:53,876

what the heck I'm doing here?

260

00:12:54,836 --> 00:12:56,816

Why I'm looking for an excuse to go.

261

00:12:57,386 --> 00:13:00,146

You have a communication with

yourself that is a problem.

262

00:13:00,626 --> 00:13:02,096

You're not being honest with yourself.

263

00:13:02,681 --> 00:13:04,061

So how you gonna show up?

264

00:13:04,631 --> 00:13:07,361

How you're gonna be talking with

Margaret, how you're gonna be

265

00:13:07,361 --> 00:13:08,591

interacting with our Margaret?

266

00:13:08,981 --> 00:13:13,931

Margaret gonna think that you're and

not a nice person when in reality the

267

00:13:13,931 --> 00:13:17,891

problem is you don't communicate with

yourself, yourself to says, Margaret,

268

00:13:17,981 --> 00:13:19,751

you're not my people, and it's okay.

269

00:13:21,791 --> 00:13:25,361

John: So there's a, a somewhat

strategic element in, in general

270

00:13:25,361 --> 00:13:29,591

communication as well that at least

is about bringing more, it, it sounds

271

00:13:29,591 --> 00:13:34,001

at least bringing more conscious

awareness into what you think, what you

272

00:13:34,001 --> 00:13:36,311

say, how you say, how, how you show.

273

00:13:36,851 --> 00:13:40,121

There's a lot of elements to,

to keep in mind whilst you are

274

00:13:40,540 --> 00:13:43,121

communicating, especially in

those professional situations.

275

00:13:44,201 --> 00:13:46,091

Susan Ibitz: I think you need

to be strategic all the time.

276

00:13:47,231 --> 00:13:49,901

When I talk on, people say

I'm extremely transactional.

277

00:13:50,351 --> 00:13:51,401

I said, it doesn't sound good.

278

00:13:51,401 --> 00:13:51,701

Why?

279

00:13:52,481 --> 00:13:53,471

You go to the doctor.

280

00:13:53,471 --> 00:13:55,271

You pay to the doctor

to have a diagnostic.

281

00:13:55,481 --> 00:13:57,611

I'm gonna the market, I'm

gonna pay for the bananas.

282

00:13:58,211 --> 00:14:02,261

So I approach to you because

I wanted to put more exposure.

283

00:14:02,261 --> 00:14:05,321

My team is put again in my head,

says, Susan, do it, or we gonna do it.

284

00:14:05,591 --> 00:14:07,211

And okay, I choose how to do it.

285

00:14:07,901 --> 00:14:12,101

I wanna go places where I wanna be, where

I take the time to listen to the podcast.

286

00:14:12,731 --> 00:14:14,501

I know we have things in common.

287

00:14:14,921 --> 00:14:17,291

That is gonna be transactional for both.

288

00:14:17,531 --> 00:14:18,551

I'm gonna give you a show.

289

00:14:18,761 --> 00:14:19,676

You're gonna gimme exposure.

290

00:14:19,931 --> 00:14:23,981

Exposure, and we're gonna have a

conversation where I, we can leave each

291

00:14:23,981 --> 00:14:28,991

other better than when we find it and we

can give your audience something they can

292

00:14:28,991 --> 00:14:30,701

take that is transactional and it's okay.

293

00:14:30,701 --> 00:14:30,761

Yeah.

294

00:14:31,451 --> 00:14:35,711

So it's nothing wrong to name the

things that, how they are when people

295

00:14:35,711 --> 00:14:39,191

says what, what is the difference

between influence and manipulation?

296

00:14:39,191 --> 00:14:40,476

Like, whatever you wanna name it.

297

00:14:41,306 --> 00:14:44,486

If you're gonna make your kids eat

broccoli because you hide it on this

298

00:14:44,486 --> 00:14:48,446

spaghetti, or you're gonna put healthy

french fries on the McDonald packet,

299

00:14:49,526 --> 00:14:51,776

well tell me what is different there.

300

00:14:52,136 --> 00:14:52,886

Not too much.

301

00:14:53,306 --> 00:14:56,756

Just how you approach it

is the end goal on that.

302

00:14:57,176 --> 00:15:02,126

So if transactional wise, I approach

this new saying, okay, this is what

303

00:15:02,126 --> 00:15:07,346

we both can take about away from that

transactional manipulation influence.

304

00:15:07,466 --> 00:15:10,616

It's not too different people, I

think you get too hot on the words.

305

00:15:11,411 --> 00:15:15,281

And not what is the idea of the situation?

306

00:15:15,281 --> 00:15:15,666

You put it on.

307

00:15:16,541 --> 00:15:20,171

John: Yeah, I, I think from my

experience and say from my, my own

308

00:15:20,171 --> 00:15:24,071

point of view really as well, I look

at it and this way I like, it's only

309

00:15:24,071 --> 00:15:25,541

gonna be those transactional elements.

310

00:15:25,541 --> 00:15:27,341

It should be, life is,

life is all about that.

311

00:15:27,341 --> 00:15:30,101

We have to interact and

transact with each other.

312

00:15:30,101 --> 00:15:33,641

And doing things like a

podcast is, it's inevitable.

313

00:15:33,701 --> 00:15:36,341

There's gonna be a give

and take there as well.

314

00:15:36,401 --> 00:15:38,741

But beyond that is also.

315

00:15:39,146 --> 00:15:42,296

A level of connection that that

comes through there as well.

316

00:15:42,536 --> 00:15:46,286

Even if the connection is just for

the, um, just for the interview time

317

00:15:46,286 --> 00:15:49,646

or whether it goes on beyond that, you

feel like there's something more than

318

00:15:49,646 --> 00:15:53,126

just the, hopefully at least something,

just more than the interaction,

319

00:15:53,126 --> 00:15:55,316

more than the transactional as well.

320

00:15:55,316 --> 00:15:56,396

Do, do you get what I'm saying?

321

00:15:56,756 --> 00:15:57,056

Susan Ibitz: Yeah.

322

00:15:57,176 --> 00:16:00,086

See, that's what I'm saying is

you can talk tomato, tomato.

323

00:16:00,746 --> 00:16:02,846

Is red and it's gonna end up in my pizza.

324

00:16:03,626 --> 00:16:05,846

So it's, it's the end goal.

325

00:16:06,026 --> 00:16:10,016

You have two ways you care about the

people, care about the destination,

326

00:16:10,016 --> 00:16:11,546

and people who care about the journey.

327

00:16:12,116 --> 00:16:15,326

I'm a strategic, um,

completely left brain.

328

00:16:16,421 --> 00:16:18,491

I go to, like, I don't waste my time.

329

00:16:18,551 --> 00:16:19,451

I get organized.

330

00:16:19,451 --> 00:16:22,811

I get things that more people says,

how the heck you manage so many things.

331

00:16:22,811 --> 00:16:25,511

Because when I need to get

done, I don't think of the thing

332

00:16:25,511 --> 00:16:26,861

that is gonna happen later.

333

00:16:27,311 --> 00:16:28,871

So you need to have an end.

334

00:16:29,201 --> 00:16:33,101

So if you're a journey person, you're

gonna be wasting my time because I

335

00:16:33,101 --> 00:16:34,691

don't care how many sandwich I have.

336

00:16:35,201 --> 00:16:38,141

I need to know that I need to

be in two hours in some place.

337

00:16:39,101 --> 00:16:39,911

Where are we gonna stop?

338

00:16:39,911 --> 00:16:40,751

Like I don't care.

339

00:16:40,841 --> 00:16:42,131

I'm sure we're gonna find food.

340

00:16:42,131 --> 00:16:44,711

We are not, I'm not gonna

be carrying 17 sandwiches.

341

00:16:45,311 --> 00:16:48,911

So it's not about the journey, it's what

I need to conquer that the reason I'm

342

00:16:48,911 --> 00:16:52,241

not fixer, that the reason I'm good and

I job that the reason people call me.

343

00:16:52,811 --> 00:16:55,481

I'm not the traditional person

that you're can approach.

344

00:16:55,540 --> 00:16:59,621

I have clients who says, I never

would've hired you if I see on the media.

345

00:16:59,621 --> 00:17:01,481

I only hire because I know who you help.

346

00:17:01,901 --> 00:17:05,381

Another people says, you are

my style person and it's okay.

347

00:17:05,381 --> 00:17:06,461

I don't take it personal.

348

00:17:07,001 --> 00:17:11,021

You have a style and again, narrow

your needs, narrow your audience.

349

00:17:11,261 --> 00:17:14,621

Pick your clients before you

pick your, uh, your business.

350

00:17:15,431 --> 00:17:17,560

Pick your audience

before you're gonna talk.

351

00:17:17,951 --> 00:17:19,691

Pick up how you're gonna be perceived.

352

00:17:19,781 --> 00:17:22,391

Pick up who you're gonna be

before you put it out there.

353

00:17:22,511 --> 00:17:25,481

I told you I was trying to be

vanilla in the beginning and I was

354

00:17:25,481 --> 00:17:29,681

flunking until it says, okay Susan,

you're gonna go full on who you are.

355

00:17:30,011 --> 00:17:30,971

Take it a lever.

356

00:17:31,991 --> 00:17:35,711

And I pissed off 80% of the

people to have my niche.

357

00:17:35,711 --> 00:17:37,481

That is the 20% of weirdos.

358

00:17:38,021 --> 00:17:41,981

As we, and I always say, be

as weird as I am, please.

359

00:17:42,191 --> 00:17:43,931

That's that is my people.

360

00:17:43,931 --> 00:17:46,991

So I make it clear you need to be weird.

361

00:17:47,051 --> 00:17:51,971

And by the way, we is amazing because

the first circus was an animals, those

362

00:17:51,971 --> 00:17:53,931

people, so people lost crazy people.

363

00:17:54,851 --> 00:17:57,251

John: Yeah, no, I think

that's really true.

364

00:17:57,251 --> 00:18:00,911

I think we all want to, I've heard

other people put it on the show, like,

365

00:18:01,331 --> 00:18:04,781

um, saying like, let let your freak

flag fly and all those kind of things.

366

00:18:04,781 --> 00:18:08,831

We, we should, you know, I, I do

agree with and whatever the weird

367

00:18:08,831 --> 00:18:11,921

aspects are about you, that they're

part of you and we should own them

368

00:18:11,921 --> 00:18:16,331

and not try to just fit in with what

pe we think people want us to be.

369

00:18:16,721 --> 00:18:19,391

'cause that's where you truly

find your tribe and your following

370

00:18:19,631 --> 00:18:21,191

and your charisma as well.

371

00:18:21,221 --> 00:18:25,061

Because I think without, without

those authentic elements, you

372

00:18:25,061 --> 00:18:26,201

don't really have charisma.

373

00:18:26,201 --> 00:18:29,891

You just kind of have a, a, a

sort of beige personality that

374

00:18:29,891 --> 00:18:31,511

is not one thing or another.

375

00:18:32,291 --> 00:18:36,071

Uh, so, so I think that these elements

are absolutely essential that we should,

376

00:18:36,791 --> 00:18:40,481

um, to some degree flaunt the stuff

that is maybe a little strange about

377

00:18:40,481 --> 00:18:45,731

us or different, that it, it does help

us to really find a tribe rather than

378

00:18:45,731 --> 00:18:47,501

just people thinking, oh, that's nice.

379

00:18:47,501 --> 00:18:48,071

They're nice.

380

00:18:48,071 --> 00:18:48,191

Yeah.

381

00:18:48,941 --> 00:18:50,831

Susan Ibitz: Do you agree that

you need to have the acolytes.

382

00:18:51,866 --> 00:18:55,796

So if you says you're an expert in

this show that you are an expert and

383

00:18:55,796 --> 00:18:57,206

that you have the luxury to be weird.

384

00:18:57,686 --> 00:19:00,506

I want people who wanna pitch

in Shark Tanks or any of the

385

00:19:00,506 --> 00:19:01,466

shows says, how are doing?

386

00:19:01,466 --> 00:19:06,416

Like, you look lovely when your steep

job, but so far you are present.

387

00:19:06,416 --> 00:19:08,336

It doesn't tell me you

have your things together.

388

00:19:08,966 --> 00:19:09,506

You can assess.

389

00:19:09,506 --> 00:19:09,986

I don't know.

390

00:19:09,986 --> 00:19:11,156

I'm gonna ask my accountant.

391

00:19:11,156 --> 00:19:15,626

You fighting for your life, so you need

to be warm, you need to be assertive.

392

00:19:16,211 --> 00:19:20,141

You can play crazy when you have

ent, but if you're playing crazy

393

00:19:20,141 --> 00:19:22,301

for being crazy, you are Ted Bundy.

394

00:19:22,661 --> 00:19:22,991

By the way.

395

00:19:22,991 --> 00:19:23,921

It was a genius.

396

00:19:24,041 --> 00:19:25,901

All these lunatics were genius.

397

00:19:25,991 --> 00:19:26,051

Yeah.

398

00:19:26,261 --> 00:19:29,291

So you need to have something,

you need to be good in something

399

00:19:29,351 --> 00:19:34,046

to be, have the luxury to be

crazy or luxury to be yourself.

400

00:19:34,946 --> 00:19:36,446

You need to have a base.

401

00:19:36,506 --> 00:19:39,866

You need to have acolytes, you need

to have a certain pegram, what you do.

402

00:19:40,406 --> 00:19:42,206

So I'm good in accounting.

403

00:19:42,326 --> 00:19:43,976

No, I cannot make a check.

404

00:19:43,976 --> 00:19:45,146

My left depend on it.

405

00:19:45,146 --> 00:19:49,811

I'm, the bank already knows me, says

Susan is 600 year old or the 900 year

406

00:19:49,811 --> 00:19:51,866

old, and I'm like, they already know me.

407

00:19:51,866 --> 00:19:54,866

They call me and I correct the

check and they released the check.

408

00:19:55,466 --> 00:19:56,216

I know that.

409

00:19:56,216 --> 00:19:59,666

So like Bronson and many

people is dyslexic, says.

410

00:20:00,266 --> 00:20:04,736

I decide to be the best in my business and

hire somebody writing the emails for me.

411

00:20:05,276 --> 00:20:10,796

But I'm good in what I do and nobody can

touch my rear end and what I do because

412

00:20:10,916 --> 00:20:16,736

I 53 and I embark in another master in

October and actually was approved too,

413

00:20:17,096 --> 00:20:22,106

neuromarketing and Neuroscience and

London in person, then I cannot travel

414

00:20:22,376 --> 00:20:24,836

and another one in Barcelona online.

415

00:20:24,836 --> 00:20:26,276

I gonna do the Barcelona online.

416

00:20:26,501 --> 00:20:27,266

Are you gonna stop?

417

00:20:27,271 --> 00:20:27,481

No.

418

00:20:28,166 --> 00:20:28,646

Why?

419

00:20:28,826 --> 00:20:32,276

Because you can say a lot of things

about me, but you never gonna say then

420

00:20:32,276 --> 00:20:36,421

I don't have my things together that

gimme the luxury to be who I wanna be.

421

00:20:36,806 --> 00:20:40,376

Now, in order to be that, you

need to be something good that

422

00:20:40,376 --> 00:20:42,446

people can respect your work.

423

00:20:42,806 --> 00:20:45,776

When people say, oh, man, neuro sign

and study with this and this, like,

424

00:20:46,406 --> 00:20:49,166

uh, how, what make you neuroscience?

425

00:20:49,436 --> 00:20:53,036

Well, I read this book and listen

to like, okay, I'm sorry, I,

426

00:20:53,126 --> 00:20:54,536

I'm sorry for not being sorry.

427

00:20:54,911 --> 00:20:55,691

But you are not.

428

00:20:55,841 --> 00:20:59,021

I studied with Paul Ekman,

where I took an along classes.

429

00:20:59,591 --> 00:21:01,061

He was given the class.

430

00:21:01,181 --> 00:21:02,051

No, somebody else.

431

00:21:02,051 --> 00:21:02,951

Well, let me tell you.

432

00:21:03,221 --> 00:21:07,661

I moved my body to Manchester

for a year study with him, Robert

433

00:21:07,661 --> 00:21:11,231

Cialdini, and I moved to Arizona

for two weeks to study with him.

434

00:21:11,231 --> 00:21:14,621

So let's reframe who you're talking to.

435

00:21:15,221 --> 00:21:17,171

I make the effort to do it.

436

00:21:17,591 --> 00:21:21,521

I make sure that I'm the only

one in that field because I

437

00:21:21,521 --> 00:21:23,291

wanna be the person in my field.

438

00:21:23,441 --> 00:21:26,411

The only place in my

life I'm cocky is my job.

439

00:21:26,771 --> 00:21:27,131

Why?

440

00:21:27,131 --> 00:21:30,821

Because I know what I bring to the

table that allow me to be crazy,

441

00:21:30,821 --> 00:21:33,716

and my clients allow me to be crazy

because they know I'm deliver.

442

00:21:34,001 --> 00:21:34,061

No,

443

00:21:35,171 --> 00:21:37,541

John: this is your ethos,

your credibility, right?

444

00:21:37,541 --> 00:21:39,671

So you ab absolutely have to have that.

445

00:21:40,091 --> 00:21:46,721

Um, we talked previously a little

bit about, um, there's another pretty

446

00:21:46,721 --> 00:21:50,191

well known hostage negotiator with a

pretty well known book, Chris Voss.

447

00:21:50,591 --> 00:21:53,501

Uh, and we talked about him and I know

there were some points of difference.

448

00:21:53,801 --> 00:21:55,301

Uh, I know you know Chris as well.

449

00:21:55,896 --> 00:21:58,836

There are some points of difference

between what he teaches and maybe what

450

00:21:58,836 --> 00:22:02,436

you think about, um, some of the things

about Split never split the difference,

451

00:22:02,436 --> 00:22:04,446

and, uh, things that he teaches.

452

00:22:04,631 --> 00:22:08,856

Can, can we get, get a little bit

about understanding about what

453

00:22:08,856 --> 00:22:11,376

some, maybe some of the points of

difference that you have there?

454

00:22:12,126 --> 00:22:16,056

Susan Ibitz: He had work on the FBI

as an international host negotiator.

455

00:22:16,326 --> 00:22:17,946

Nobody gonna take that from Chris.

456

00:22:18,306 --> 00:22:21,426

Actually, his first host

negotiation was in a bank.

457

00:22:21,801 --> 00:22:25,041

I think it was the only few, few

hostage negotiator you're gonna find

458

00:22:25,041 --> 00:22:28,791

out that have a real like I'm gonna

see your face hostage negotiation.

459

00:22:29,151 --> 00:22:33,351

He is brilliant in what he does,

but I don't think that he translate

460

00:22:33,351 --> 00:22:35,241

to the civilians the understanding.

461

00:22:35,601 --> 00:22:37,371

I think his book is perfect.

462

00:22:38,151 --> 00:22:42,441

I think he brought his book by

the ghost writer that never eat

463

00:22:42,441 --> 00:22:43,761

alone or something like that.

464

00:22:44,061 --> 00:22:44,961

Genius writer.

465

00:22:45,701 --> 00:22:50,891

It's great marketing, but I don't think

it's a realistic understanding how life,

466

00:22:50,891 --> 00:22:55,871

work and a host, it's easy, a hostage

negotiation than a real life negotiation

467

00:22:56,291 --> 00:22:58,001

and actually all the hostage negotiator.

468

00:22:58,001 --> 00:22:59,471

I know I asked the same question.

469

00:22:59,771 --> 00:23:03,611

You wanna deal with your wife,

your kid, a hosted taker.

470

00:23:04,001 --> 00:23:06,491

I prefer an Al-Qaeda

terrorist than my kids.

471

00:23:07,406 --> 00:23:08,936

Because he have two options.

472

00:23:08,936 --> 00:23:11,631

My kids, they can't play

me the way they I want.

473

00:23:11,876 --> 00:23:16,076

I talk to FBI Moat, CIA, I know that

it's not gonna work with them, but

474

00:23:16,076 --> 00:23:19,616

I have a chance to meet with them in

conference when I gonna either speak

475

00:23:20,216 --> 00:23:22,766

was a, was a guest and it's different.

476

00:23:23,246 --> 00:23:26,966

So when he says never split,

the difference is the concept

477

00:23:26,966 --> 00:23:30,386

of negotiation is split the

different, I'll give you something.

478

00:23:30,386 --> 00:23:32,156

It's completely transactional.

479

00:23:32,486 --> 00:23:36,086

So when you says never split the

different, we lead in thinking that.

480

00:23:36,446 --> 00:23:39,236

We gonna have the talking guy

like it's my way or the highway.

481

00:23:39,566 --> 00:23:44,241

Honey, let me tell you, short shoulder

truck, it doesn't tell me you're lying.

482

00:23:44,906 --> 00:23:48,056

Uh, taking everything and not give

you not anything in exchange is

483

00:23:48,056 --> 00:23:49,766

not gonna be a good negotiation.

484

00:23:50,216 --> 00:23:54,026

When you're selling a house as a

realtor, you need to give the person

485

00:23:54,026 --> 00:23:58,226

what asking if it's not called fraud,

it's called you are not realistic.

486

00:23:58,226 --> 00:23:59,486

You ruin your reputation.

487

00:23:59,816 --> 00:24:04,166

So my concerns with that is

not talking about his persona,

488

00:24:04,166 --> 00:24:05,816

then I respect his persona.

489

00:24:06,116 --> 00:24:10,766

I'm talking about the persona marketing

that is building the theory of the book.

490

00:24:10,766 --> 00:24:12,596

And for some people it's like the bible.

491

00:24:12,956 --> 00:24:14,516

He's a genius marketer.

492

00:24:14,636 --> 00:24:15,446

He have that great.

493

00:24:15,716 --> 00:24:19,436

But in the theory

practice, I do not agree.

494

00:24:19,946 --> 00:24:22,256

You need to negotiate transactional.

495

00:24:22,406 --> 00:24:23,606

I give you a good show.

496

00:24:23,786 --> 00:24:27,296

You give me the, the, the, you

give me the space to do it.

497

00:24:27,536 --> 00:24:30,686

The audience, I hope they have

takeaways they can take with them.

498

00:24:31,106 --> 00:24:31,706

It's okay.

499

00:24:31,706 --> 00:24:32,786

We meet on the middle.

500

00:24:32,786 --> 00:24:34,316

We always split the difference.

501

00:24:34,676 --> 00:24:37,496

And because I've been talking

openly, an editorial comes and

502

00:24:37,496 --> 00:24:38,606

says, can we split the cheese?

503

00:24:38,606 --> 00:24:41,726

Like, nope, I will not gonna

get in somebody else business.

504

00:24:42,266 --> 00:24:44,396

As Chris was business.

505

00:24:44,396 --> 00:24:48,206

I respect him, uh, do his job.

506

00:24:48,236 --> 00:24:49,766

I will not gonna fight with it.

507

00:24:49,766 --> 00:24:52,016

I don't need, I don't

have the need to do it.

508

00:24:52,256 --> 00:24:56,276

I, when I have the, the chance to do

it and says, guys, if you have a cells.

509

00:24:56,951 --> 00:25:01,481

You have a client that coming from a car

and you wanna sell sport and he need a

510

00:25:01,481 --> 00:25:03,401

minivan, you need to meet on the middle.

511

00:25:03,521 --> 00:25:06,281

You need to give them maybe

an SUV, not a minivan.

512

00:25:06,851 --> 00:25:10,901

You sell what you need, the person have,

but you are not gonna sell the the,

513

00:25:10,906 --> 00:25:12,731

the sport car when he have four kids.

514

00:25:13,721 --> 00:25:16,631

Now you have a recently

divorce dude than the fifties.

515

00:25:16,991 --> 00:25:18,431

Give me the most expensive car.

516

00:25:18,491 --> 00:25:19,451

I'm gonna sell that car.

517

00:25:19,721 --> 00:25:22,001

Now we're talking, you

have your ego fed up.

518

00:25:22,331 --> 00:25:23,381

I sell my car.

519

00:25:23,531 --> 00:25:24,641

That is a different scenario.

520

00:25:25,166 --> 00:25:26,726

But it still meet you in the middle.

521

00:25:27,596 --> 00:25:32,246

Always, always a negotiation is not,

I hate when people come and says,

522

00:25:32,516 --> 00:25:40,586

oh, we spend $50,000 on, um, on

these, uh, uh, uh, sketches or, or,

523

00:25:40,586 --> 00:25:43,496

and these, um, screenplays to sell.

524

00:25:43,766 --> 00:25:47,546

We need to do this and we, we need

to go with this, with this brief.

525

00:25:47,756 --> 00:25:48,746

That's what we need to sell.

526

00:25:48,746 --> 00:25:50,096

Like, no, you don't need a script.

527

00:25:50,486 --> 00:25:51,806

You need a manual.

528

00:25:52,406 --> 00:25:56,516

You need to have a company manual

where you give people options to

529

00:25:56,516 --> 00:26:00,146

negotiate if you're forced and

says, Hey John, how you doing?

530

00:26:00,446 --> 00:26:01,676

Well, you know, my cat died.

531

00:26:01,796 --> 00:26:02,966

Oh, that is fixable.

532

00:26:03,026 --> 00:26:04,886

Lemme tell you, I have

the best cell phone.

533

00:26:04,886 --> 00:26:08,786

When you can keep the picture,

like, no, that person need empathy.

534

00:26:08,786 --> 00:26:09,566

Go with him.

535

00:26:10,046 --> 00:26:16,106

I have, I have gone in company sales

to any calls, only for the fact that

536

00:26:16,106 --> 00:26:19,256

I'm gonna hear what they say and

says, okay dude, if you don't drop

537

00:26:19,256 --> 00:26:20,726

the script, I'm gonna drop the call.

538

00:26:21,581 --> 00:26:23,321

So you cannot go with the script.

539

00:26:23,561 --> 00:26:25,331

You need to move with the flow.

540

00:26:25,811 --> 00:26:30,521

Not always the client is, is

true, is right, but what is right

541

00:26:31,181 --> 00:26:32,921

is what you need to understand.

542

00:26:32,921 --> 00:26:35,591

People want to be seen

here and understood.

543

00:26:35,921 --> 00:26:40,361

If I take everything from the table,

you live with a new cell phone, but you

544

00:26:40,361 --> 00:26:42,281

live thinking that I never heard you.

545

00:26:42,401 --> 00:26:44,711

I never see you, and I

never understood you.

546

00:26:44,831 --> 00:26:45,371

Make sense?

547

00:26:46,066 --> 00:26:46,356

John: Yeah.

548

00:26:46,361 --> 00:26:47,111

Yeah, absolutely.

549

00:26:47,201 --> 00:26:53,591

And, and as those connection elements,

again, you, um, one of your special or

550

00:26:53,591 --> 00:26:58,241

specialized areas, I should say, really

is irrational people, irrational humans.

551

00:26:58,871 --> 00:27:04,451

And it, I wonder what, what drew

you into that particular area?

552

00:27:04,751 --> 00:27:10,481

Really, you wanna go there and what, what

value does that kind of study have for

553

00:27:10,481 --> 00:27:14,111

the rest of us, for life in general that

we might be, might, might be applicable?

554

00:27:15,641 --> 00:27:16,301

Susan Ibitz: I'm gonna, okay.

555

00:27:16,301 --> 00:27:18,761

I need to rearrange my

tail, my chair for that.

556

00:27:19,031 --> 00:27:19,631

It's gonna be fine.

557

00:27:20,831 --> 00:27:26,021

I was married for 10 years with a

borderline narcissist person and I

558

00:27:26,021 --> 00:27:30,881

realized like, what the heck I, why

I ended up married with that person

559

00:27:30,881 --> 00:27:32,951

because he was the most fucked up fix.

560

00:27:32,951 --> 00:27:36,911

I never need to do my life

when I, when he was diagnosed,

561

00:27:36,911 --> 00:27:38,681

know about TikTok 15 years ago.

562

00:27:39,266 --> 00:27:45,896

By a former FBI profiler psychologist,

no fun for 11 months, the first thing,

563

00:27:45,896 --> 00:27:51,146

and I asked for, the therapist says,

why I'm here, what is wrong with me?

564

00:27:51,416 --> 00:27:54,296

And second of all, how long I

have, I'm gonna start having fun.

565

00:27:54,596 --> 00:27:57,536

To the point I want, saying the

time the the says, okay, you're

566

00:27:57,536 --> 00:27:59,066

having too much fun with this dude.

567

00:27:59,336 --> 00:28:02,366

You need to file for divorce, why

you wanna intervene with the court?

568

00:28:03,146 --> 00:28:07,616

So I understand that no matter how

rational I am at work, I'm human.

569

00:28:08,561 --> 00:28:09,641

I have my biases.

570

00:28:10,181 --> 00:28:13,031

And then I ended up six cats,

more than 800 pair of shoes.

571

00:28:13,301 --> 00:28:13,691

Why?

572

00:28:14,321 --> 00:28:18,101

And they understand and discover

behavioral economics that the

573

00:28:18,101 --> 00:28:21,761

traditional way we think about people

is irrational and it's not true.

574

00:28:22,151 --> 00:28:25,061

And I understand how advertisement work.

575

00:28:25,421 --> 00:28:30,791

I did my, my last thesis is how, if

I, if I, supposedly this is a glass

576

00:28:30,791 --> 00:28:35,051

of wine and I have French on the

background, and this wine is French.

577

00:28:35,471 --> 00:28:40,571

I probably gonna buy more French

wine up to 330 times more.

578

00:28:40,841 --> 00:28:43,511

Now this is French wine

and I have German music.

579

00:28:43,511 --> 00:28:46,181

I'm gonna have a decent in

my brand to make it simple.

580

00:28:47,141 --> 00:28:50,741

You have Homer Simpson,

95% of your decisions.

581

00:28:51,011 --> 00:28:52,751

You have Albert Einstein.

582

00:28:52,841 --> 00:28:54,941

5% of your decision What?

583

00:28:54,941 --> 00:28:57,731

You put Albert Einstein

to change the light bulb?

584

00:28:58,061 --> 00:28:58,331

No.

585

00:28:59,021 --> 00:29:00,041

You need Homer Simpson.

586

00:29:00,521 --> 00:29:01,151

I wake up.

587

00:29:02,096 --> 00:29:04,646

Feed my card, do my

breakfast, check my emails.

588

00:29:05,006 --> 00:29:06,506

I don't need to overthink that.

589

00:29:06,506 --> 00:29:08,306

It's automatically I need that.

590

00:29:08,606 --> 00:29:11,096

The problem is when you're gonna

buy a house and you take home, or

591

00:29:11,486 --> 00:29:17,816

to give you advice, so we do as

humans, 35,000 decisions a day.

592

00:29:18,206 --> 00:29:24,506

95% of them are irrational from, I gonna

use red lipstick or brown lipstick.

593

00:29:24,746 --> 00:29:25,736

What are I gonna be wearing?

594

00:29:26,306 --> 00:29:28,826

It's so those are decisions.

595

00:29:29,006 --> 00:29:30,086

What you gonna have for once.

596

00:29:30,761 --> 00:29:32,561

Are what you gonna, t-shirt

you're gonna be wearing?

597

00:29:32,561 --> 00:29:33,251

What is the background?

598

00:29:33,251 --> 00:29:36,551

So you start taking, there

are 35,000 decisions.

599

00:29:36,611 --> 00:29:40,541

I'm gonna wake up, I gonna snooze

the alarm more times than one.

600

00:29:40,901 --> 00:29:43,421

Or I gonna put the, so

those are decisions.

601

00:29:43,421 --> 00:29:44,711

So I'm fascinated.

602

00:29:45,311 --> 00:29:49,421

The prisons, they take

us to avoid the warning.

603

00:29:49,631 --> 00:29:50,681

Avoid your guts.

604

00:29:51,236 --> 00:29:52,376

This is red flag.

605

00:29:52,376 --> 00:29:53,156

When we dating.

606

00:29:53,156 --> 00:29:53,996

It's a red flag.

607

00:29:54,026 --> 00:29:55,616

I should be buying this car.

608

00:29:55,616 --> 00:29:58,046

Why is spending more money

than I should in choose?

609

00:29:58,256 --> 00:30:00,596

Why is spending more money,

why I hired that person?

610

00:30:00,596 --> 00:30:01,826

Why I'm dating that person?

611

00:30:02,426 --> 00:30:08,786

Those are decisions that when you

stop fighting with the fact that

612

00:30:09,176 --> 00:30:12,266

you need to understand and you

understand, you're irrational, you

613

00:30:12,266 --> 00:30:13,741

have control, knowledge is power.

614

00:30:15,041 --> 00:30:19,961

So when I understand how irrational it

can be and this my client and the person

615

00:30:19,961 --> 00:30:22,211

in front of me is as irrational as I am.

616

00:30:22,211 --> 00:30:24,161

So the bad news, you are the good news.

617

00:30:24,161 --> 00:30:26,231

Everybody else are is.

618

00:30:26,561 --> 00:30:32,201

So if you find out that and you

take control, knowing that, imagine

619

00:30:32,201 --> 00:30:33,251

that you can do with your life.

620

00:30:33,551 --> 00:30:38,111

That's the reason people is president,

people are CEOs and you are not.

621

00:30:40,541 --> 00:30:41,351

John: See seems fair enough.

622

00:30:41,586 --> 00:30:45,071

So, so to, to some degree then the,

the difference between the sort of

623

00:30:45,071 --> 00:30:49,781

rational and irrational there is,

um, what's of consequence and, and

624

00:30:49,781 --> 00:30:51,671

what really is more inconsequential.

625

00:30:51,671 --> 00:30:52,151

Is that right?

626

00:30:52,631 --> 00:30:52,901

Susan Ibitz: Okay.

627

00:30:53,081 --> 00:30:58,001

If you are gonna talk about consequences,

because sometimes people confuse that

628

00:30:58,001 --> 00:30:59,366

because you're rational, you don't.

629

00:31:05,561 --> 00:31:10,511

95% irrational and a stair that is

not safe completely in a FlipFlop.

630

00:31:11,501 --> 00:31:16,931

Now the consequence of that is that

when you feel that you're feel falling,

631

00:31:17,231 --> 00:31:22,751

you grab something as secure, so

you have a stair that is bubbly and

632

00:31:22,751 --> 00:31:27,431

instead to use flip flop, you choose

the consequences of the outcome.

633

00:31:27,461 --> 00:31:30,731

You're on the right shoes and

wearing a gear that protect you.

634

00:31:31,331 --> 00:31:36,791

To me, it will be nuts to clean windows,

but those guys have all their arm nest.

635

00:31:36,971 --> 00:31:41,201

To be safe, to me is the

most irrational fear height.

636

00:31:41,831 --> 00:31:44,711

So no matter how much you

pay me in my life, depend on

637

00:31:44,711 --> 00:31:46,001

it, I'll not gonna be there.

638

00:31:46,601 --> 00:31:50,681

But they understand the consequences

and not to take the measurement and

639

00:31:50,681 --> 00:31:55,511

maybe it's irrational and irresponsible

to jump undo that window because

640

00:31:55,511 --> 00:31:56,726

they can leave a widow with kids.

641

00:31:57,611 --> 00:32:02,651

But the rational part is how much

you measure the risk of those

642

00:32:02,651 --> 00:32:06,221

consequences, but you don't know

the measurement of the risk.

643

00:32:06,491 --> 00:32:08,981

You don't know how to prevent the risk.

644

00:32:09,161 --> 00:32:15,041

If I'm not aware that 95% of my decisions

are being irrational, again, we coming

645

00:32:15,041 --> 00:32:21,521

back, knowledge is, if I don't know, then

I basically, I'm preparing a tech talk

646

00:32:21,521 --> 00:32:24,401

and says, uh, I why you're so stupid.

647

00:32:26,591 --> 00:32:29,801

Including me and people love it and

says, what do you wanna do with that?

648

00:32:29,831 --> 00:32:30,341

No idea.

649

00:32:30,341 --> 00:32:32,261

I have the title so don't take it.

650

00:32:32,531 --> 00:32:34,001

It's already printed.

651

00:32:34,421 --> 00:32:36,371

So he says, because I know.

652

00:32:37,121 --> 00:32:39,611

So I start with all the

rational things that we do.

653

00:32:40,091 --> 00:32:43,361

The people I married, they

call the the hair choices.

654

00:32:43,391 --> 00:32:45,371

Okay, John, you're younger than me.

655

00:32:46,001 --> 00:32:46,751

Pick a picture.

656

00:32:46,751 --> 00:32:50,411

When you was in the se, in the

late tens and the twenties and

657

00:32:50,411 --> 00:32:53,051

thirties, her do clothes inside.

658

00:32:53,741 --> 00:32:55,271

And you says, what the heck?

659

00:32:55,271 --> 00:32:59,111

I was thinking I did a perm

during the pandemic because

660

00:32:59,171 --> 00:33:01,181

I couldn't find any, a perm.

661

00:33:01,751 --> 00:33:03,161

What about in the seventies?

662

00:33:03,401 --> 00:33:05,231

And I look at those pictures

like, what the heck?

663

00:33:05,231 --> 00:33:06,971

I was thinking four years ago.

664

00:33:06,971 --> 00:33:10,721

I work in fashion for many years

as a behavioral unit analysis.

665

00:33:11,021 --> 00:33:15,881

What the heck I was thinking I

was, I, I did what I can with

666

00:33:15,881 --> 00:33:17,711

what I had on that moment.

667

00:33:17,711 --> 00:33:22,361

Living in the middle of nowhere, in a town

where nobody understand what is a stylist.

668

00:33:22,721 --> 00:33:27,311

They cut the cow hair and your

hair, that's where I live.

669

00:33:28,151 --> 00:33:31,541

So apparent was the most

decent way to fix the problem.

670

00:33:32,351 --> 00:33:33,941

I did what I can with what I have.

671

00:33:34,361 --> 00:33:37,391

So that has been irrational.

672

00:33:37,571 --> 00:33:42,851

Yeah, I knew my, my consequences, pros

and cons was even shaving my head again,

673

00:33:43,151 --> 00:33:47,636

probably gonna make a hole in weeks

wearing available at that point, or have

674

00:33:47,676 --> 00:33:50,036

a per by the person who cut hair on a cow.

675

00:33:51,476 --> 00:33:54,386

Not, doesn't mean there was

the right decision to make.

676

00:33:54,626 --> 00:33:55,676

That was the only one I have.

677

00:33:56,366 --> 00:33:57,116

John: Yeah, right.

678

00:33:57,116 --> 00:33:58,706

How pretty were the cows are now?

679

00:33:58,706 --> 00:33:59,306

I'd wanna know.

680

00:34:00,051 --> 00:34:00,671

I'd wanna know.

681

00:34:01,811 --> 00:34:07,076

So, um, I, I guess a lot of people would

think that getting up onto a stage is

682

00:34:07,076 --> 00:34:10,436

pretty irrational to get up and speak

in front bunch of people that there's

683

00:34:10,440 --> 00:34:14,966

millions of people who wouldn't entertain

the idea, who are incredibly afraid of it.

684

00:34:15,326 --> 00:34:18,025

But sometimes it is doing these

irrational things that get

685

00:34:18,025 --> 00:34:19,376

us to good results as well.

686

00:34:19,496 --> 00:34:19,735

Yeah.

687

00:34:20,426 --> 00:34:21,505

Or would you say that's more rational?

688

00:34:21,626 --> 00:34:24,416

Susan Ibitz: Because it's n

when people says, what happened?

689

00:34:24,416 --> 00:34:26,576

Alex NI put this new last week.

690

00:34:26,636 --> 00:34:29,216

'cause people, I said, N what

you want me to do with that?

691

00:34:29,516 --> 00:34:29,786

Check?

692

00:34:29,786 --> 00:34:30,775

Check the design.

693

00:34:31,286 --> 00:34:35,696

So the first time that I need to do a

webinar that is a certain way to speaking,

694

00:34:35,755 --> 00:34:37,646

I throw up before, during, and after.

695

00:34:37,676 --> 00:34:39,206

I have enough slice in a pocket.

696

00:34:39,206 --> 00:34:39,416

So I.

697

00:34:41,216 --> 00:34:43,406

Wait a minute, you prepare

president like again.

698

00:34:43,406 --> 00:34:44,846

Nobody should the vice president.

699

00:34:45,656 --> 00:34:46,196

It's different.

700

00:34:46,735 --> 00:34:52,496

And I says to the people who go to Shark

Tech talk QVC and public speaking and

701

00:34:52,496 --> 00:34:57,866

talking in front of the media or talking

to the team, it says, the day you lose

702

00:34:57,866 --> 00:35:02,546

the butterflies on the stomach is the

day that I will say kill yourself.

703

00:35:02,546 --> 00:35:06,686

Because not f literally

because you lost that.

704

00:35:07,841 --> 00:35:11,651

And another thing people confused

when we talk is, and he says

705

00:35:11,651 --> 00:35:13,511

like, oh my God, it's aha moment.

706

00:35:14,261 --> 00:35:22,031

Introverts are painful to talk in

conference, but introverts shine

707

00:35:22,091 --> 00:35:24,851

in an audience for 3000 people.

708

00:35:25,031 --> 00:35:25,751

They're trained.

709

00:35:25,901 --> 00:35:26,711

He says, why?

710

00:35:27,191 --> 00:35:32,321

Because introverts are introspective

and extroverts love feedback.

711

00:35:32,321 --> 00:35:34,751

So people is claiming and clapping.

712

00:35:35,501 --> 00:35:35,951

You love it.

713

00:35:36,311 --> 00:35:37,151

The first, the best.

714

00:35:37,151 --> 00:35:40,811

Comedians like small crowds, and

they're extremely introverts and

715

00:35:40,811 --> 00:35:45,581

shy because you have a crowd, crowd

work, what is called crowd work.

716

00:35:45,731 --> 00:35:50,146

The people threw things to

you that really good on front.

717

00:35:51,386 --> 00:35:56,516

So look what, um, uh, prompt

comedy is when people says, okay,

718

00:35:56,846 --> 00:35:59,726

threw me a topic, um, trees.

719

00:35:59,906 --> 00:36:01,856

Okay, let's me, let me tell you.

720

00:36:02,126 --> 00:36:05,846

You look at the leaf or you look the

tree and you start building a story.

721

00:36:06,116 --> 00:36:07,046

Oh my God, that was a lot.

722

00:36:07,046 --> 00:36:10,916

I start building a story

based on the tree, the leaf.

723

00:36:11,696 --> 00:36:15,386

So you're introspecting helping

you to get to the point.

724

00:36:15,896 --> 00:36:20,516

Introverts suffer and hate public

speaking because the crowds is mixed.

725

00:36:21,176 --> 00:36:24,686

You don't have introspecting, you

don't know who's on the crowd, and

726

00:36:24,686 --> 00:36:28,166

you start getting your head going,

and introvert doesn't like it.

727

00:36:28,796 --> 00:36:33,656

Introverts like training, coaching,

and one-on-one relationship.

728

00:36:34,256 --> 00:36:38,576

Extroverts love the crowd, love

talking, and because whatever

729

00:36:38,576 --> 00:36:40,466

you bring them to them, they shy.

730

00:36:40,856 --> 00:36:44,996

So if you're an introvert,

do not think that's painful.

731

00:36:44,996 --> 00:36:48,056

Physically painful for you

to talk in front of people.

732

00:36:48,566 --> 00:36:49,166

Is that your.

733

00:36:51,251 --> 00:36:56,591

The way you recharge energy, the why

that you are getting more social.

734

00:36:56,591 --> 00:37:00,191

The way you have your energy is

completely different, but you need to

735

00:37:00,191 --> 00:37:04,331

understand how painful it is so you

can do public speaking when you're

736

00:37:04,331 --> 00:37:10,871

coaching and a small crowd where the

people is selected to your turf, no,

737

00:37:10,871 --> 00:37:13,541

your turf is selected to attract people.

738

00:37:13,541 --> 00:37:15,611

Because sometimes my people

says, oh, we're gonna put this

739

00:37:15,611 --> 00:37:16,931

title like, but it's not true.

740

00:37:16,991 --> 00:37:18,131

But you're gonna bring audience.

741

00:37:18,671 --> 00:37:19,241

No, no, no, no.

742

00:37:19,301 --> 00:37:23,201

I will not gonna adapt my, I will

not gonna adapt myself to rhetoric.

743

00:37:23,411 --> 00:37:26,951

You need to adapt the rhetoric to

myself, and you get to a point in

744

00:37:26,951 --> 00:37:29,111

your career where you can do that.

745

00:37:29,111 --> 00:37:31,721

In the beginning, you can't,

but as soon as you can.

746

00:37:31,871 --> 00:37:36,011

And if you tailor your crowd in the

beginning, it's gonna be extremely

747

00:37:36,071 --> 00:37:40,421

helpful because that's gonna help

it to get to the point you want

748

00:37:40,421 --> 00:37:42,221

and get the GR dry crowd since the.

749

00:37:44,726 --> 00:37:49,136

John: Interestingly, though I'd say most

of the professional speakers or public

750

00:37:49,136 --> 00:37:53,816

speakers I know are more naturally

introverted than, than extroverted.

751

00:37:53,816 --> 00:37:57,986

So, so even though it's harder and

I, I would generally class myself as

752

00:37:57,986 --> 00:38:01,826

being naturally introverted, although,

you know, I, I certainly push.

753

00:38:01,896 --> 00:38:04,506

Push through that to a great degree.

754

00:38:04,806 --> 00:38:08,826

Um, but it's interesting to me at least

that so many introverts do go to it.

755

00:38:09,216 --> 00:38:13,776

But I do feel like a part of the reason

for that, certainly for myself and for

756

00:38:13,776 --> 00:38:19,416

many of the people I've worked with, has

been to do with, um, the, the personal

757

00:38:19,416 --> 00:38:25,116

growth that happens when you challenge

yourself in these ways that maybe do seem

758

00:38:25,206 --> 00:38:29,826

irrational and put you into situations

that are incredibly uncomfortable.

759

00:38:30,581 --> 00:38:31,061

Susan Ibitz: You know what?

760

00:38:31,181 --> 00:38:36,281

Jerry Sinfield, Oprah Winfrey, lady Gaga,

all these great performance are introverts

761

00:38:36,671 --> 00:38:38,111

and people says it's incoherent.

762

00:38:38,111 --> 00:38:38,441

Like no.

763

00:38:38,501 --> 00:38:41,831

When you talk about what you know,

nobody can touch your rear end.

764

00:38:42,461 --> 00:38:43,241

Let's put it that way.

765

00:38:43,931 --> 00:38:46,901

And if you see the

routines, I have seen this.

766

00:38:47,711 --> 00:38:49,751

I have a lot of friends

that are stage manager.

767

00:38:50,051 --> 00:38:52,181

I don't know how I ended

up with, I love it.

768

00:38:52,216 --> 00:38:53,696

Even I have clients, they have.

769

00:38:55,391 --> 00:38:58,061

Andrea Belli, they do in the colo in Rome.

770

00:38:58,061 --> 00:39:01,961

So I have trouble to see those concerts

and that people says two hours before

771

00:39:01,961 --> 00:39:07,961

the show, no matter if the, uh, if the

theater is burning, you don't bother them.

772

00:39:08,471 --> 00:39:13,751

And after the show they don't wanna

talk to anyone and they're so when

773

00:39:14,081 --> 00:39:18,131

what happened with Ellen Degeneres

or Oprah and says, I don't know how

774

00:39:18,131 --> 00:39:21,431

much that person, and I don't wanna

sit on the politics of that, I don't

775

00:39:21,431 --> 00:39:23,711

know how much that person is cranky.

776

00:39:24,311 --> 00:39:29,351

It's highly introvert that never

was introduced properly to the team.

777

00:39:29,861 --> 00:39:34,151

And explain what an introversion

happened because if you gonna talk

778

00:39:34,151 --> 00:39:38,141

to me before I go to a crowd or after

a crowd, I'm gonna chop your head.

779

00:39:39,131 --> 00:39:44,201

So if you see me in that context

outside of the stage, you're gonna

780

00:39:44,201 --> 00:39:46,661

think of an I'm a bad person.

781

00:39:47,051 --> 00:39:49,091

Oh, I'm cranky and I don't like people.

782

00:39:49,301 --> 00:39:50,351

I kind of don't like people.

783

00:39:50,351 --> 00:39:54,791

But anyway, another, another topic

or another podcast is that my

784

00:39:54,791 --> 00:40:01,301

introversion asked me to, Susan, you

need to get your energy ready for

785

00:40:01,391 --> 00:40:03,011

when you are in front of the people.

786

00:40:03,521 --> 00:40:07,436

You give everything you have,

so you need to work it up.

787

00:40:07,976 --> 00:40:09,116

Oh my God, again, a lot.

788

00:40:10,331 --> 00:40:12,791

I couldn't close the

dogs, the, the, the cat.

789

00:40:12,791 --> 00:40:14,381

So people is my fault.

790

00:40:14,471 --> 00:40:18,881

I have six cats and I shouldn't close,

and I left the door open and I cannot cut.

791

00:40:19,031 --> 00:40:22,541

John: I'll do my very best to minimize

the interruptions from the cats.

792

00:40:22,541 --> 00:40:22,901

Don't worry.

793

00:40:24,176 --> 00:40:24,796

Susan Ibitz: But they're cute.

794

00:40:24,956 --> 00:40:25,196

I can

795

00:40:28,576 --> 00:40:30,251

John: That's that's the different podcast.

796

00:40:31,931 --> 00:40:32,111

Yeah.

797

00:40:32,111 --> 00:40:32,291

But,

798

00:40:32,936 --> 00:40:34,061

Susan Ibitz: but people is introvert.

799

00:40:34,061 --> 00:40:36,911

You're introvert, but you

help other people to talk.

800

00:40:37,631 --> 00:40:39,221

Do you need to be the best speaker?

801

00:40:39,251 --> 00:40:41,171

No, I know I need to know your pain.

802

00:40:41,921 --> 00:40:47,771

I says, what make me good at what I do is

I get, you have one of them that's not,

803

00:40:48,191 --> 00:40:51,191

so what I need to understand is your pain.

804

00:40:51,551 --> 00:40:54,731

I need to understand how

difficult it is so I can work

805

00:40:54,731 --> 00:40:57,161

with you and give you things.

806

00:40:57,221 --> 00:41:00,371

For example, let's talk about

pets in the morning when I

807

00:41:00,371 --> 00:41:01,841

need to do a lot of exposure.

808

00:41:02,291 --> 00:41:07,421

I take 15 to 20 minutes to play with them

that get my dopamine, get my oxytocin.

809

00:41:07,691 --> 00:41:11,621

No matter how dark is

the day when I see pets.

810

00:41:12,161 --> 00:41:16,511

Because I'm a rescuer and because of my

Asperger, I have that relationship with

811

00:41:16,511 --> 00:41:21,071

pets, the animals, the people, because

they give you love unconditionally.

812

00:41:21,071 --> 00:41:22,541

I love the working all over.

813

00:41:23,321 --> 00:41:26,446

So if you watch in your,

in your cell phone.

814

00:41:27,161 --> 00:41:31,721

Five minutes of videos for pets, your

dopamine and oxytocin is gonna be high.

815

00:41:32,201 --> 00:41:35,771

So look for your happy place

when you need to go there.

816

00:41:36,431 --> 00:41:40,181

And it's about finding your happy

place and happy places can come

817

00:41:40,181 --> 00:41:42,041

back from many, many, many places.

818

00:41:42,221 --> 00:41:45,521

Sometime you put a picture of those

shoes that you're gonna buy and you

819

00:41:45,521 --> 00:41:49,121

cannot afford and says, okay, if I

put up with this, I can buy the shoes.

820

00:41:49,331 --> 00:41:49,661

Perfect.

821

00:41:49,721 --> 00:41:50,261

Let's do that.

822

00:41:51,656 --> 00:41:54,446

John: Yeah, it certainly

explains why so many people

823

00:41:54,446 --> 00:41:56,126

are watching cat videos online.

824

00:41:56,126 --> 00:41:58,496

And, uh, number one research.

825

00:41:58,976 --> 00:42:01,436

Susan Ibitz: Do you know what is

the number one of body language?

826

00:42:01,436 --> 00:42:05,066

Google body language of cats,

second body language of dogs,

827

00:42:05,366 --> 00:42:06,896

and then body language of kids.

828

00:42:07,496 --> 00:42:10,526

By 2030, we're gonna have

more pets per capita.

829

00:42:10,796 --> 00:42:11,696

Thank you guys.

830

00:42:12,146 --> 00:42:14,906

Uh, more pets per capita than kids.

831

00:42:14,966 --> 00:42:17,846

We do more adult Pampers than kid Pampers.

832

00:42:17,846 --> 00:42:21,296

I'm a data person, so yeah,

I'm just an average American.

833

00:42:22,076 --> 00:42:25,226

John: I cer certainly looking

at dog videos is my thing.

834

00:42:25,241 --> 00:42:26,546

I I, I do, I do.

835

00:42:26,636 --> 00:42:26,966

I love that.

836

00:42:26,966 --> 00:42:30,296

And I do get those feelings from watching

those kinds of, especially the sort of

837

00:42:30,296 --> 00:42:35,636

rescue videos and stuff, um, that, uh, I

haven't yet managed to convince my husband

838

00:42:35,636 --> 00:42:37,076

to buy to that we should get a dog.

839

00:42:37,226 --> 00:42:38,316

I'm, we're still working on that one.

840

00:42:38,821 --> 00:42:40,801

Susan Ibitz: That's the reason I'm single,

so I don't need to ask for permission.

841

00:42:43,216 --> 00:42:43,456

I shoulda

842

00:42:43,456 --> 00:42:45,931

John: have got the dog when I was

single that would've sold him.

843

00:42:45,931 --> 00:42:46,081

But

844

00:42:46,081 --> 00:42:49,231

Susan Ibitz: actually, you know what

most people and take has to do with

845

00:42:49,231 --> 00:42:51,601

behavior and try to please everyone.

846

00:42:51,601 --> 00:42:55,171

And I think it's important when

you need to define your avatar.

847

00:42:55,171 --> 00:42:58,321

I wanna start working with someone

says, okay, who is your avatar?

848

00:42:58,831 --> 00:42:59,461

Your what?

849

00:42:59,581 --> 00:43:00,721

Who, when, why?

850

00:43:00,811 --> 00:43:01,411

Where?

851

00:43:02,131 --> 00:43:04,561

When I decide to move

from the big city to.

852

00:43:05,246 --> 00:43:08,726

Having a weekend house and

during the pandemic making my,

853

00:43:08,756 --> 00:43:13,316

my home and I, by mistake and

failure, I ended up with six cats.

854

00:43:13,736 --> 00:43:15,446

People says you should have a partner.

855

00:43:15,446 --> 00:43:16,076

And doing what?

856

00:43:16,076 --> 00:43:16,676

Like why?

857

00:43:17,696 --> 00:43:23,006

If I do those things, if I move to

the forest and commute between the

858

00:43:23,006 --> 00:43:28,706

cities, if I have six cats, the person

I'm gonna find is narrow to the niche.

859

00:43:29,051 --> 00:43:30,551

We are gonna think alike.

860

00:43:31,151 --> 00:43:33,401

We are gonna be thinking

about the same needs.

861

00:43:33,701 --> 00:43:37,721

I narrow my field, I make it

simple to relate with someone.

862

00:43:37,781 --> 00:43:40,961

And I told him, I met a guy that is

allergic and says, okay, I'm gonna go

863

00:43:40,961 --> 00:43:44,051

to all allergies and he have three dogs.

864

00:43:44,051 --> 00:43:45,221

I have six cats.

865

00:43:45,461 --> 00:43:47,381

It's gonna be a So, but guess what?

866

00:43:48,011 --> 00:43:50,801

He understand because

he doesn't have pets.

867

00:43:51,221 --> 00:43:53,651

He have rescue, rescue stories.

868

00:43:54,191 --> 00:43:55,751

So I gonna match with somebody who.

869

00:43:58,121 --> 00:43:58,631

Too late.

870

00:43:58,691 --> 00:44:01,241

You're married, you have the

ring, so you need to negotiate.

871

00:44:01,241 --> 00:44:04,361

I can, we can talk about

negotiation later, but cool.

872

00:44:04,661 --> 00:44:11,411

People wait for what if, when I,

and guess what people get, how many

873

00:44:11,411 --> 00:44:16,001

story we hear or retire and die two

weeks later, uh, is gonna travel when

874

00:44:16,001 --> 00:44:18,131

retire and have a hip replacement.

875

00:44:18,131 --> 00:44:20,051

Cannot be sitting on the

plane for three hours.

876

00:44:21,026 --> 00:44:21,866

I don't wait anymore.

877

00:44:23,921 --> 00:44:28,121

John: I, I can't, I can't follow my,

my brother's strategy with getting a

878

00:44:28,121 --> 00:44:29,951

dog was just to go out and get one.

879

00:44:30,401 --> 00:44:36,401

And his wife, his wife was

not, was not happy about it.

880

00:44:36,886 --> 00:44:37,176

Okay?

881

00:44:37,176 --> 00:44:38,081

First, but tolerated it.

882

00:44:38,471 --> 00:44:39,941

Susan Ibitz: Look okay.

883

00:44:40,151 --> 00:44:42,401

Go on a park and see what dog he liked.

884

00:44:42,881 --> 00:44:43,781

He want a puppy.

885

00:44:43,991 --> 00:44:45,011

He want a story.

886

00:44:45,101 --> 00:44:46,751

He wanna be the hero of the story.

887

00:44:46,751 --> 00:44:47,681

Rescue and a puppy.

888

00:44:48,611 --> 00:44:50,441

Bring a female friend.

889

00:44:51,041 --> 00:44:54,851

That he's gonna be nurturing

to playing his ego and says,

890

00:44:54,851 --> 00:44:56,081

okay, I wanna rescue a puppy.

891

00:44:56,201 --> 00:44:58,481

Bring it and you can cut this part.

892

00:44:58,871 --> 00:45:02,951

Or make it not to hear this podcast,

take it to a rescue place and

893

00:45:02,951 --> 00:45:07,421

says, oh my God, let somebody tell

this story if he's a story eater.

894

00:45:08,111 --> 00:45:09,131

So tell the story.

895

00:45:09,431 --> 00:45:12,011

What you doing with who you saving?

896

00:45:12,011 --> 00:45:13,046

That's how they sell me there.

897

00:45:14,006 --> 00:45:17,306

Cats that I was fostering because

they knew that nobody want them and

898

00:45:17,306 --> 00:45:18,926

I'm the only one able to fix them.

899

00:45:18,926 --> 00:45:19,166

Yeah.

900

00:45:19,466 --> 00:45:20,516

They fix me six cats.

901

00:45:21,236 --> 00:45:21,566

John: Yeah.

902

00:45:21,776 --> 00:45:25,166

I, I think that's, that's a really

interesting, because I've, I've often

903

00:45:25,166 --> 00:45:29,126

thought that probably the only thing

that would make that work was that

904

00:45:29,126 --> 00:45:32,366

if it was a rescue situation, like

we would, like neither of us want

905

00:45:32,366 --> 00:45:37,076

kids, but if it was a rescue kind of

operation, we would, uh, same with dog

906

00:45:37,076 --> 00:45:38,966

or same with a cat, or pretty much any.

907

00:45:40,056 --> 00:45:42,651

Being in need though with

that, that would work.

908

00:45:42,741 --> 00:45:46,236

Susan Ibitz: First, you need to understand

why not When it says, when you have the

909

00:45:46,236 --> 00:45:48,666

no, actually you have place to negotiate.

910

00:45:49,236 --> 00:45:51,756

If I says yes and says, okay, yes.

911

00:45:51,756 --> 00:45:53,736

What yes to what?

912

00:45:54,186 --> 00:45:55,596

To have a dog to have a rescue.

913

00:45:55,626 --> 00:45:57,246

When it says no and says, okay, why?

914

00:45:57,246 --> 00:45:57,516

No.

915

00:45:58,656 --> 00:46:00,576

It says when you mean like,

okay, I wanna know why.

916

00:46:01,416 --> 00:46:04,176

Because she says No, doesn't mean

that I'm gonna take it because I wanna

917

00:46:04,176 --> 00:46:06,156

dog and I wanna meet in the middle.

918

00:46:06,156 --> 00:46:06,756

You understand?

919

00:46:06,846 --> 00:46:08,676

Don't take it all you give them.

920

00:46:09,056 --> 00:46:13,916

The power says, okay, it's not so I

take, no, you have the right on this

921

00:46:13,976 --> 00:46:16,166

transactional conversation to know why.

922

00:46:17,066 --> 00:46:20,696

I says, well, I'm afraid nobody's gonna

take them and we cannot go on vacation.

923

00:46:20,696 --> 00:46:21,536

Now we know why.

924

00:46:21,746 --> 00:46:23,486

It's not that he doesn't wanna have a dog.

925

00:46:23,486 --> 00:46:28,256

It is that he's afraid that it's

gonna affect when I decide not to

926

00:46:28,256 --> 00:46:31,196

have kids, it was, I'm not gonna

be good in everything that I do.

927

00:46:31,796 --> 00:46:34,526

I didn't have the best childhood and

I don't wanna repeat the pattern.

928

00:46:34,586 --> 00:46:38,576

I don't think I'm gonna be a good mother,

so I'm saving another kids from therapy.

929

00:46:39,236 --> 00:46:40,466

I did it from the future kids.

930

00:46:40,466 --> 00:46:44,336

And by the way, I didn't wanna give my

mother the chance to say, I told you so.

931

00:46:44,336 --> 00:46:45,176

It's gonna be like you.

932

00:46:45,416 --> 00:46:47,606

I was afraid terrorize

is gonna be like me.

933

00:46:48,236 --> 00:46:50,186

But I was conscious decision.

934

00:46:50,396 --> 00:46:53,096

And when I got married and says, I'm

not gonna have kids, he ended up,

935

00:46:53,096 --> 00:46:55,016

he wanna have kids, good for you.

936

00:46:55,436 --> 00:46:57,296

But I make a conscious decision.

937

00:46:57,326 --> 00:47:00,356

So when I met someone, I was single

and says, I don't wanna have kids.

938

00:47:00,446 --> 00:47:02,246

A, I wasn't the best child.

939

00:47:02,966 --> 00:47:05,156

Second, I didn't have the best childhood.

940

00:47:05,786 --> 00:47:07,496

Some people says, well, you can fix that.

941

00:47:07,496 --> 00:47:08,696

That's what my brother did.

942

00:47:08,756 --> 00:47:09,326

Good for him.

943

00:47:09,386 --> 00:47:10,346

I will not gonna do it.

944

00:47:10,646 --> 00:47:14,906

So, no, it's a chance to know

why and open a conversation.

945

00:47:15,176 --> 00:47:17,726

So never talk and take a no.

946

00:47:17,786 --> 00:47:19,436

Then Chris talk about the same.

947

00:47:19,436 --> 00:47:20,246

And I agree with that.

948

00:47:20,246 --> 00:47:24,476

With Chris, no is a chance to

know why when you have, yes, you

949

00:47:24,476 --> 00:47:25,976

don't have too much to negotiate.

950

00:47:26,366 --> 00:47:29,246

But if I say no, actually you can.

951

00:47:29,891 --> 00:47:33,101

Makes the the conversation to

Yes, because this is, okay.

952

00:47:33,731 --> 00:47:34,121

Mr.

953

00:47:34,211 --> 00:47:37,571

Bloomington on the corner,

she loves to take dogs.

954

00:47:37,991 --> 00:47:38,291

Okay?

955

00:47:38,381 --> 00:47:42,401

Instead to have a big one, we can have

a small one still four legs, one tail.

956

00:47:42,851 --> 00:47:43,901

Love you says.

957

00:47:43,901 --> 00:47:44,891

What about cats?

958

00:47:44,891 --> 00:47:45,761

They're more independent.

959

00:47:45,791 --> 00:47:48,581

I used to have a dog and

I get too attached to him.

960

00:47:49,061 --> 00:47:52,271

I says, cats, I can leave them

for four days when I'm going to

961

00:47:52,271 --> 00:47:53,831

the city and they're independent.

962

00:47:54,311 --> 00:47:57,376

Maybe it's a little more fairy,

says meow instead of wealth.

963

00:47:58,241 --> 00:48:00,251

And maybe he doesn't

want the responsibility.

964

00:48:00,431 --> 00:48:01,481

Choose your battles.

965

00:48:02,051 --> 00:48:04,031

And no is a really good opportunity.

966

00:48:04,031 --> 00:48:07,181

When the audience says

no, says, guys, you agree?

967

00:48:07,181 --> 00:48:07,481

No.

968

00:48:07,661 --> 00:48:08,261

Tell me why.

969

00:48:08,711 --> 00:48:10,001

And tell me what is your experience?

970

00:48:10,451 --> 00:48:15,071

And now you have a debate where

your audience is always about

971

00:48:15,341 --> 00:48:18,851

playing this strength because your

strengths coming from the same

972

00:48:18,851 --> 00:48:19,901

place that come in your weakness.

973

00:48:19,946 --> 00:48:20,006

So,

974

00:48:21,056 --> 00:48:25,376

John: so just exercising your

curiosity there is what's gonna

975

00:48:25,376 --> 00:48:27,716

take it to a deeper conversation.

976

00:48:28,196 --> 00:48:32,156

What about, though, in more maybe

business, business negotiations,

977

00:48:32,156 --> 00:48:36,056

like conversations with Bookers, for

example, people who may be you, may

978

00:48:36,056 --> 00:48:41,756

be speaking to, to get an event or

maybe to, uh, work, work with a client.

979

00:48:42,296 --> 00:48:43,646

Is, is it the same principle?

980

00:48:44,426 --> 00:48:47,216

Susan Ibitz: Uh, I would says you

need to know what you are able

981

00:48:47,216 --> 00:48:49,551

to leave on the table if you're

negotiating for somebody else.

982

00:48:50,756 --> 00:48:53,906

First, uh, John says, this is me.

983

00:48:53,966 --> 00:48:54,746

Take it or leave it.

984

00:48:54,746 --> 00:48:57,116

Like, eh, no, that's only for the movies.

985

00:48:57,926 --> 00:49:02,756

Uh, I had did a lot of negotiation

with the union and I don't know how in

986

00:49:02,876 --> 00:49:06,386

England and Europe is negotiation with

the union, but here is kind of harsh.

987

00:49:06,836 --> 00:49:11,996

The union is, to be clear, Kennedy

the father, when Kennedy wanted to be

988

00:49:11,996 --> 00:49:16,076

president, negotiate with two people,

the mafia in Vegas and the union.

989

00:49:16,166 --> 00:49:17,606

That's how strong they used to be.

990

00:49:17,606 --> 00:49:18,716

Not the same way Now.

991

00:49:19,616 --> 00:49:22,616

But when I need to negotiate with them,

says, okay guys, you need to look good.

992

00:49:22,676 --> 00:49:23,426

I need to look good.

993

00:49:24,326 --> 00:49:26,336

I'm gonna tell you what

I'm allowed to tell you.

994

00:49:26,336 --> 00:49:29,486

So this is my list with what?

995

00:49:29,666 --> 00:49:32,366

Here in this envelope, I

know what is my final number.

996

00:49:32,546 --> 00:49:34,556

I can wanna start a

hundred and give you a 10.

997

00:49:35,006 --> 00:49:35,906

You need to do the same.

998

00:49:35,996 --> 00:49:39,416

We can have coffee, laugh about it, and

people think that we're yelling to each

999

00:49:39,416 --> 00:49:43,706

other so I know what I'm gonna take on

the table, or it's not on the table.

1000

00:49:44,111 --> 00:49:46,151

Have a bad deal is better

not to having a deal.

1001

00:49:46,211 --> 00:49:46,541

Why?

1002

00:49:46,601 --> 00:49:47,531

Because we walk away.

1003

00:49:47,861 --> 00:49:51,491

So you start talking about

rationalizing the negotiation

1004

00:49:51,581 --> 00:49:52,481

and let's meet in the middle.

1005

00:49:53,351 --> 00:49:55,121

You need to leave this

room with something.

1006

00:49:55,271 --> 00:49:56,501

I need to live on the room.

1007

00:49:56,561 --> 00:49:59,681

Now how the journey is gonna

have with the negotiation.

1008

00:49:59,831 --> 00:50:01,451

You play it the way you want it.

1009

00:50:01,841 --> 00:50:05,226

You wanna be right or you wanna win win.

1010

00:50:05,231 --> 00:50:10,961

The biggest problem with negotiation is

you are gonna be the ego driven person.

1011

00:50:11,831 --> 00:50:12,161

No.

1012

00:50:12,761 --> 00:50:15,521

I was telling you about the, let's

put it in something that everybody

1013

00:50:15,521 --> 00:50:18,731

can relate, even marry people,

because in some point you were single.

1014

00:50:19,781 --> 00:50:23,591

This guy that I met, so I made in

an app and it's the first because

1015

00:50:23,591 --> 00:50:24,821

I have a picture of my cat.

1016

00:50:25,211 --> 00:50:26,561

So you know what you're dealing with.

1017

00:50:26,921 --> 00:50:30,281

The first thing I says, do you

think you're you, do you think your

1018

00:50:30,281 --> 00:50:32,381

sexiness is gonna cure my allergies?

1019

00:50:32,411 --> 00:50:33,971

And says, dude, it's not gonna happen.

1020

00:50:34,901 --> 00:50:35,951

It's not gonna happen.

1021

00:50:35,951 --> 00:50:40,181

Even if I'm 20 years old and say, and

I says, how bad is your allergies?

1022

00:50:40,586 --> 00:50:43,046

And says, well that

bad that I can kill me.

1023

00:50:43,046 --> 00:50:47,006

He says, you know what, I will

die to know you, but I know health

1024

00:50:47,006 --> 00:50:49,916

issues at this age are complicated.

1025

00:50:49,916 --> 00:50:51,356

I will not gonna play with the game.

1026

00:50:51,716 --> 00:50:56,426

Or you met me, you're gonna negotiate

and I'm gonna end up 9 1 1 calling 9

1027

00:50:56,426 --> 00:50:59,576

1 1 2 o'clock in the morning killing

you before I have a ring on it.

1028

00:50:59,876 --> 00:51:00,806

It's not gonna happen.

1029

00:51:01,346 --> 00:51:03,176

And he says, for the what?

1030

00:51:03,326 --> 00:51:03,836

For what?

1031

00:51:03,836 --> 00:51:06,776

You says, I think I'm

gonna be missing someone.

1032

00:51:06,776 --> 00:51:07,016

Amazing.

1033

00:51:07,796 --> 00:51:09,806

I says, you like trouble,

like love trouble.

1034

00:51:10,046 --> 00:51:12,716

He says, what happen if you

like me and with my cats?

1035

00:51:12,836 --> 00:51:18,686

Well, I already texting allergists doctors

to go over and see, and he says, huh.

1036

00:51:20,666 --> 00:51:25,256

So again, I was negotiating, talking

about, okay, he says, probably

1037

00:51:25,256 --> 00:51:26,486

I'm not gonna go to your house.

1038

00:51:26,756 --> 00:51:28,976

I'm gonna be introduced slowly to them.

1039

00:51:29,246 --> 00:51:31,916

I'm gonna see if you have

hair on your, on your skin.

1040

00:51:32,276 --> 00:51:34,556

Let's negotiate because I have three dogs.

1041

00:51:34,556 --> 00:51:35,816

They're over 90 pounds.

1042

00:51:36,461 --> 00:51:39,491

So well between year six,

so we start negotiating.

1043

00:51:39,491 --> 00:51:43,301

We don't know each other yet,

but we were willing to understand

1044

00:51:43,301 --> 00:51:46,151

that the end goal is over 50.

1045

00:51:46,391 --> 00:51:50,531

Finding a partner is more difficult

than when you're twenties, and

1046

00:51:50,531 --> 00:51:52,691

we understand the consequences.

1047

00:51:53,021 --> 00:51:56,996

But if you have a young negotiator

with someone who is older, you have

1048

00:51:56,996 --> 00:52:01,271

a person who come from a negotiating

part that doesn't understand the topic.

1049

00:52:01,721 --> 00:52:03,161

Now your negotiation is fluk.

1050

00:52:05,291 --> 00:52:09,341

So you need to have defined

and desire and clear what is

1051

00:52:09,341 --> 00:52:11,141

the outcome you're negotiating.

1052

00:52:11,591 --> 00:52:13,241

I'm negotiating to be happy.

1053

00:52:13,931 --> 00:52:15,131

Can I give away the cat?

1054

00:52:15,281 --> 00:52:15,761

No.

1055

00:52:15,971 --> 00:52:17,891

They're all under a year and a half.

1056

00:52:17,891 --> 00:52:19,811

So they're gonna be with me for 16 years.

1057

00:52:20,711 --> 00:52:25,781

They have a five year lab and two

one year Labrador, another 16 years.

1058

00:52:25,931 --> 00:52:27,071

We're stuck on the same.

1059

00:52:27,401 --> 00:52:31,601

We lower our pets and it's non-negotiable

because when your kids are old.

1060

00:52:32,021 --> 00:52:34,091

You don't have kids, it's non-negotiable.

1061

00:52:34,091 --> 00:52:35,351

Pets become your family.

1062

00:52:35,831 --> 00:52:38,471

So we know that, how are

we gonna make it work?

1063

00:52:38,831 --> 00:52:41,501

I need to make my bed higher

and he get injections.

1064

00:52:42,131 --> 00:52:43,211

That's a negotiation.

1065

00:52:43,391 --> 00:52:46,901

And I put it in a context that everybody

can understand what is negotiating.

1066

00:52:47,801 --> 00:52:48,041

John: Yeah.

1067

00:52:48,166 --> 00:52:51,431

It, it makes me think of

that story, principle of the

1068

00:52:51,431 --> 00:52:53,171

obstacle is the way mm-hmm.

1069

00:52:53,411 --> 00:52:57,071

That, um, generally in life,

if something is too easy.

1070

00:52:57,836 --> 00:52:59,396

We often don't want it.

1071

00:52:59,396 --> 00:53:01,466

Like if it's easy to

have, we don't want it.

1072

00:53:01,466 --> 00:53:05,186

But when there's challenge there, uh,

that becomes the way to growth and

1073

00:53:05,186 --> 00:53:06,956

development and interesting things.

1074

00:53:06,956 --> 00:53:09,176

Like we, like we need challenge.

1075

00:53:09,176 --> 00:53:10,676

We don't grow without challenge.

1076

00:53:10,676 --> 00:53:11,846

We don't develop without it.

1077

00:53:11,846 --> 00:53:15,956

And, and, and it's, it's kind

of about having the right kinds

1078

00:53:15,956 --> 00:53:19,406

of challenges in the right kinds

of situations that create those

1079

00:53:19,406 --> 00:53:22,556

opportunities for, for development for.

1080

00:53:22,636 --> 00:53:26,716

Something to move or change or to,

for a conversation to go deeper.

1081

00:53:26,716 --> 00:53:31,126

I find it fascinating from, uh, from

that perspective that we, uh, we

1082

00:53:31,126 --> 00:53:34,816

often think we wish our lives were

easier, but if we actually really

1083

00:53:34,816 --> 00:53:36,316

think about it, we probably don't.

1084

00:53:36,376 --> 00:53:38,386

If life was too easy, it

would be boring, right?

1085

00:53:38,866 --> 00:53:42,136

Susan Ibitz: Uh, your restraints

are your, uh, weakness and

1086

00:53:43,311 --> 00:53:44,911

I guess who made it to this?

1087

00:53:45,731 --> 00:53:47,531

Hi, this is Malt, by the way.

1088

00:53:47,531 --> 00:53:48,941

You know when I know the name of my cat?

1089

00:53:49,121 --> 00:53:50,171

Scotch Whiskey.

1090

00:53:50,471 --> 00:53:51,551

Bourbon Malt.

1091

00:53:51,701 --> 00:53:52,691

Tequila and Vodka.

1092

00:53:52,991 --> 00:53:53,651

I don't have cats.

1093

00:53:53,951 --> 00:53:54,386

I have a, alright, a

1094

00:53:54,391 --> 00:53:54,431

John: theme.

1095

00:53:54,941 --> 00:53:55,781

I'm spotting a theme.

1096

00:53:56,261 --> 00:53:56,531

Susan Ibitz: Yeah.

1097

00:53:57,221 --> 00:54:01,661

So your restraints are the same

coming from your, uh, weakness.

1098

00:54:02,441 --> 00:54:06,071

So I don't have witness for

people, I have witness for pets.

1099

00:54:06,191 --> 00:54:06,761

I know that.

1100

00:54:06,971 --> 00:54:10,691

So I, it's gonna be

difficult to negotiate.

1101

00:54:11,201 --> 00:54:14,321

Uh, you need to understand

what are the problems.

1102

00:54:14,921 --> 00:54:18,821

When you need to have a conversation or

negotiation says, what is non-negotiable?

1103

00:54:19,361 --> 00:54:20,686

No, but I wanna tell you, no, no, no.

1104

00:54:20,691 --> 00:54:21,731

What is non-negotiable?

1105

00:54:22,451 --> 00:54:25,481

What is the things that

you cannot negotiate with?

1106

00:54:26,051 --> 00:54:29,561

And I do it on dating, I do it

on business, and people think

1107

00:54:29,591 --> 00:54:31,421

even then I don't have feelings.

1108

00:54:31,691 --> 00:54:33,251

I do have feelings for the right things.

1109

00:54:33,641 --> 00:54:36,431

When you call me, it's because you

need to fix something, because your

1110

00:54:36,431 --> 00:54:38,831

emotion getting on the way to fix this.

1111

00:54:39,446 --> 00:54:40,226

That is the problem.

1112

00:54:40,226 --> 00:54:43,196

So you call me because I'm not

biased, because I don't care.

1113

00:54:43,226 --> 00:54:44,816

I have a paycheck, I'm a mercenary.

1114

00:54:45,176 --> 00:54:45,716

Guess what?

1115

00:54:45,956 --> 00:54:49,016

Being a mercenary, at that point, you

need somebody who's less emotional.

1116

00:54:49,016 --> 00:54:50,576

So you need to get the things done.

1117

00:54:51,236 --> 00:54:53,276

So you always negotiating with something.

1118

00:54:53,396 --> 00:54:55,916

You always know your obstacles first.

1119

00:54:56,366 --> 00:55:00,896

If you wanna go to Europe, okay,

you have probably three options once

1120

00:55:00,896 --> 00:55:03,296

you get in lot and, and get the uk.

1121

00:55:03,716 --> 00:55:07,676

You can't take the underwater,

not even a ham that No, no.

1122

00:55:07,676 --> 00:55:10,586

I have, I watch too many movies

in the United States where

1123

00:55:10,586 --> 00:55:12,446

those, those things collapse.

1124

00:55:12,806 --> 00:55:15,686

You're not gonna gimme date

there, even if you drug me.

1125

00:55:16,106 --> 00:55:18,416

So I gonna take a boat, we're gonna fly.

1126

00:55:19,286 --> 00:55:20,126

There are two options.

1127

00:55:20,396 --> 00:55:20,726

I know.

1128

00:55:20,726 --> 00:55:22,166

What are the options to negotiate?

1129

00:55:22,526 --> 00:55:23,876

We're gonna see prices.

1130

00:55:23,876 --> 00:55:24,926

What is the journey?

1131

00:55:24,926 --> 00:55:25,796

What are we gonna do?

1132

00:55:26,186 --> 00:55:27,296

So that's what happened.

1133

00:55:27,296 --> 00:55:29,726

And you're in Europe,

you can take a train.

1134

00:55:29,726 --> 00:55:31,106

We can rent a car.

1135

00:55:31,376 --> 00:55:33,506

So, but you have options to go there.

1136

00:55:33,926 --> 00:55:37,946

My obstacle is go from London

to Europe to the continent.

1137

00:55:38,126 --> 00:55:40,106

When I'm there, it's no more obstacle.

1138

00:55:40,226 --> 00:55:41,576

Let's see what life get us.

1139

00:55:41,906 --> 00:55:46,016

When I'm going to Europe, I backpacking,

I'm going to Goodwill, and I get all these

1140

00:55:46,016 --> 00:55:48,296

used jeans and t-shirts and Walmart like.

1141

00:55:48,656 --> 00:55:51,686

I threw clothing with my backpack

and people are like, what?

1142

00:55:52,016 --> 00:55:53,096

I'm gonna hostels.

1143

00:55:53,486 --> 00:55:57,386

I love to go to uncom places

out of my comfort zone.

1144

00:55:57,386 --> 00:55:58,436

People like what?

1145

00:55:58,676 --> 00:55:58,946

Yeah.

1146

00:55:59,306 --> 00:56:00,566

That's the reason I travel alone.

1147

00:56:01,226 --> 00:56:03,086

That's the reason I have friends in China.

1148

00:56:03,206 --> 00:56:08,456

So the obstacle is my obstacle

when I decide to start doing this

1149

00:56:08,456 --> 00:56:10,496

journey once a year to Europe.

1150

00:56:11,486 --> 00:56:14,156

To hospital, and I'm

too old for, guess what?

1151

00:56:14,156 --> 00:56:14,966

I'm not the only one.

1152

00:56:15,266 --> 00:56:17,246

I found people in the

sixties and seventies.

1153

00:56:17,756 --> 00:56:23,756

So the obstacle was me being afraid

to be in front of people and I decide

1154

00:56:23,756 --> 00:56:26,246

to carry that obstacle in a way that.

1155

00:56:27,401 --> 00:56:31,091

What if the obstacle is the

best, the best thing can happen?

1156

00:56:31,391 --> 00:56:35,261

What if that obstacle is gonna allow

me to have friends all over the world?

1157

00:56:35,531 --> 00:56:38,801

That's how I go to, to

have wine in France.

1158

00:56:39,161 --> 00:56:43,151

I'll go to Portugal, Italy, because

I have friends all around the world.

1159

00:56:43,151 --> 00:56:43,451

Why?

1160

00:56:43,781 --> 00:56:46,121

Because the obstacle

become my best strength.

1161

00:56:46,841 --> 00:56:48,401

Being afraid to talk to strangers.

1162

00:56:50,201 --> 00:56:52,361

John: Yeah, I think, um, certainly.

1163

00:56:52,826 --> 00:56:56,456

It inspires me to want to do

something but not go to hostels,

1164

00:56:56,856 --> 00:56:58,826

so, that's my idea of hell.

1165

00:56:58,886 --> 00:56:59,306

Susan Ibitz: Okay.

1166

00:56:59,876 --> 00:57:03,506

We remember the hostel movie

and I was having lunch with a

1167

00:57:03,506 --> 00:57:07,586

friend that she suddenly become

widow at the age of 56 Hor.

1168

00:57:08,516 --> 00:57:10,436

Um, she went home, he was dead.

1169

00:57:11,186 --> 00:57:13,526

Clean bill that morning from the doctor.

1170

00:57:13,526 --> 00:57:13,976

Horrible.

1171

00:57:14,456 --> 00:57:15,206

And he says, Hey.

1172

00:57:15,656 --> 00:57:18,686

He says, Hey, I, I open an

office in, in London now.

1173

00:57:18,686 --> 00:57:20,336

It says I, I'm gonna go with you.

1174

00:57:20,336 --> 00:57:24,206

Like I need to tell you I'm not gonna,

BB, like, you have an apartment.

1175

00:57:24,206 --> 00:57:26,636

Like, no, I'm gonna, what the heck?

1176

00:57:26,726 --> 00:57:29,876

She says, you were

married for 30, 32 years.

1177

00:57:30,116 --> 00:57:31,586

Have you ever done anything crazy?

1178

00:57:31,676 --> 00:57:31,946

No.

1179

00:57:32,066 --> 00:57:33,206

Maybe it's the time to do it.

1180

00:57:33,746 --> 00:57:38,216

She's like, Hmm, lemme think about,

it's not enough wine on the table yet to

1181

00:57:38,216 --> 00:57:40,106

decide, like, so I need to put a drunk.

1182

00:57:40,436 --> 00:57:43,076

But she's thinking about

it, so why not hostel?

1183

00:57:43,136 --> 00:57:44,631

Tell me, John, why you

wouldn't go to a hostel?

1184

00:57:45,641 --> 00:57:50,141

John: Oh gosh, I haven't been to a

hostel since, uh, my early twenties.

1185

00:57:50,231 --> 00:57:54,551

And, um, I think it's the, one of

the big reasons now why I wouldn't

1186

00:57:54,641 --> 00:57:58,631

is, uh, I don't have much, I don't

have a high level of tolerance for

1187

00:57:58,631 --> 00:58:00,966

other people the way that I used to.

1188

00:58:02,076 --> 00:58:08,496

Susan Ibitz: What if you see it that that

can help you to manage, uh, Vaseline suit?

1189

00:58:09,416 --> 00:58:13,076

Meaning that you learn to

ostracize yourself from a

1190

00:58:13,076 --> 00:58:15,446

stupidity and actually have fun.

1191

00:58:15,536 --> 00:58:17,936

What if we look up, so you

see what I'm doing there?

1192

00:58:18,506 --> 00:58:20,576

John: I could see the

I, I see the reframe.

1193

00:58:20,576 --> 00:58:20,876

Yeah.

1194

00:58:20,876 --> 00:58:22,106

I can definitely see that.

1195

00:58:22,376 --> 00:58:25,526

I don't think it's something I

wanna explore, but, but I will look

1196

00:58:25,526 --> 00:58:28,676

at other opportunities to go in

the similar path because I think

1197

00:58:28,676 --> 00:58:29,571

what, what is your drink of choice?

1198

00:58:30,911 --> 00:58:34,241

For me, um, I, it's red wine generally.

1199

00:58:34,481 --> 00:58:34,871

Susan Ibitz: Okay.

1200

00:58:34,871 --> 00:58:37,811

I'm gonna load it after the second one,

1201

00:58:40,631 --> 00:58:42,401

no matter, no matter how

I gonna get you there.

1202

00:58:44,921 --> 00:58:47,291

John: That's, that's a different

kind of negotiation, but I like it.

1203

00:58:47,741 --> 00:58:50,861

Um, I've really been enjoying this

conversation season and there's so

1204

00:58:50,861 --> 00:58:55,091

many areas that we could go into that

are just fascinating and, uh, and

1205

00:58:55,091 --> 00:58:59,261

it's really interesting to someone

who has your unique perspectives on

1206

00:58:59,261 --> 00:59:00,971

things as well, which is great to hear.

1207

00:59:01,631 --> 00:59:06,161

I wonder for, for our listener who

maybe wants to find out more about you

1208

00:59:06,161 --> 00:59:10,151

and, and how maybe even to work with

you or learn from you, what would be

1209

00:59:10,151 --> 00:59:12,011

the best way for them to, to do that?

1210

00:59:12,011 --> 00:59:12,236

Where should they go?

1211

00:59:13,241 --> 00:59:15,371

Susan Ibitz: There are two Susan

Ibitz all around the world.

1212

00:59:16,181 --> 00:59:18,821

We are both in academia,

but I'm the most exposed.

1213

00:59:18,941 --> 00:59:22,061

So I would says Google Susan

ibe, and see what you conquer

1214

00:59:22,181 --> 00:59:23,351

and see what stick to you.

1215

00:59:23,771 --> 00:59:26,921

I have websites for companies

and research and YouTube.

1216

00:59:26,981 --> 00:59:29,801

I'm all over the place,

but I always love to see.

1217

00:59:29,981 --> 00:59:32,291

Google Me says That is easy.

1218

00:59:32,471 --> 00:59:36,281

Yeah, I wanna see what stick with

you because I'm the same person,

1219

00:59:36,311 --> 00:59:37,961

but I have, I'm like an onion.

1220

00:59:38,021 --> 00:59:38,951

I have many shades.

1221

00:59:40,061 --> 00:59:44,591

I can be a bit, I can be the negotiator,

I can be the interrogator, I can

1222

00:59:44,591 --> 00:59:47,561

be the kind, I can be the impact,

I can be the crazy, I can be all

1223

00:59:47,561 --> 00:59:51,671

that people that's making me who

I'm, I wanna see what stick to you.

1224

00:59:51,911 --> 00:59:55,341

So it would be easy to

test susan ibitz.com.

1225

00:59:55,361 --> 00:59:56,861

Yeah, that is what it says.

1226

00:59:56,861 --> 00:59:58,211

The website, that corporate.

1227

00:59:58,721 --> 00:59:59,951

But let's see what Stick with you.

1228

01:00:00,011 --> 01:00:04,481

What are the newsletter is the

videos is the new podcast, irrational

1229

01:00:04,481 --> 01:00:06,521

Human, where I talk about like.

1230

01:00:07,076 --> 01:00:09,956

I always took stories about

I Russian people that I met,

1231

01:00:09,956 --> 01:00:10,946

and I think it's amazing.

1232

01:00:11,486 --> 01:00:15,206

Always tell the story, never the

person involved in the story.

1233

01:00:15,386 --> 01:00:17,516

Be discrete, remember, but yeah.

1234

01:00:17,756 --> 01:00:18,266

Cool me.

1235

01:00:18,266 --> 01:00:18,896

See what happens.

1236

01:00:19,136 --> 01:00:20,726

You never know what

life is gonna take you.

1237

01:00:21,686 --> 01:00:23,216

John: Uh, that's a great point.

1238

01:00:23,276 --> 01:00:26,426

Uh, great note on which to

end our conversation today.

1239

01:00:26,426 --> 01:00:29,156

Susan, thank you for coming and

being a guest on percent Influence.

1240

01:00:29,726 --> 01:00:30,446

Susan Ibitz: Thank you very much.

1241

01:00:30,446 --> 01:00:31,526

And again, apologize.

1242

01:00:31,526 --> 01:00:33,506

The audience, John is lovely.

1243

01:00:33,686 --> 01:00:35,096

He have a patient.

1244

01:00:35,096 --> 01:00:38,876

When you says I don't have patient

for people you do, has been really

1245

01:00:38,876 --> 01:00:41,096

patient with my cat, you're being doll.

1246

01:00:41,096 --> 01:00:44,361

I don't know how the heck you

edit this, but I love you for it.

1247

01:00:45,481 --> 01:00:51,361

John: I, I, I am lucky enough to

have very good, um, audio, um, audio

1248

01:00:51,506 --> 01:00:55,496

enhancing software that will probably

cut out most of the background.

1249

01:00:55,496 --> 01:00:57,896

It's probably not all, but

most of it, but, so it's

1250

01:00:57,896 --> 01:01:03,686

Susan Ibitz: Susan i dash responsibility,

dash irresponsible, dash irrational.

1251

01:01:04,016 --> 01:01:04,556

Makes sense.

1252

01:01:05,831 --> 01:01:07,526

John: It's all good, Susan.

1253

01:01:07,526 --> 01:01:08,066

Thank you.

1254

01:01:08,071 --> 01:01:08,321

Thanks.

1255

01:01:08,470 --> 01:01:10,450

in review of this episode,

hopefully you're now at least

1256

01:01:10,450 --> 01:01:13,990

feeling ready to negotiate smarter,

read people quicker, and build

1257

01:01:13,990 --> 01:01:15,760

real authority without posturing.

1258

01:01:16,330 --> 01:01:19,750

If you keep relying on canned lions

or pure logic, you will lose the

1259

01:01:19,750 --> 01:01:22,000

room to emotion bias and fatigue.

1260

01:01:23,080 --> 01:01:26,380

So rewatch and note three moves

to practice this week open with

1261

01:01:26,380 --> 01:01:28,720

a genuine me too connection.

1262

01:01:29,365 --> 01:01:31,855

State warm plus assertive intent

1263

01:01:32,605 --> 01:01:37,195

trade fairly knowing what you can and

cannot put on the table and then test

1264

01:01:37,225 --> 01:01:39,655

one tactic in your next call or meeting.

1265

01:01:40,205 --> 01:01:43,775

These are the same principles Susan used

in high stakes environments and the top

1266

01:01:43,775 --> 01:01:46,775

negotiators use to get durable yeses.

1267

01:01:46,985 --> 01:01:48,935

If this helped, make sure

you subscribe to the show.

1268

01:01:49,245 --> 01:01:52,605

Drop your biggest takeaway into the

comments or maybe even share this with

1269

01:01:52,605 --> 01:01:54,765

a friend who negotiates for a living.

1270

01:01:56,385 --> 01:01:58,875

Wherever you're going, whatever

you're doing, have an amazing week.

1271

01:01:58,875 --> 01:01:59,560

We'll see you next time.