Love is not arrogant, and that’s a central theme we explore in today’s conversation about the profound implications of love in relationships, particularly within the context of marriage. We dive into Paul's teachings in First Corinthians 13, stripping away the romanticized notions of love often seen in wedding vows, and instead, we examine what love truly embodies. It’s not just about being kind or patient; it’s about rejecting arrogance and irritability, which can corrode the foundation of a relationship. We discuss how leadership in marriage should mirror Christ's example—rooted in humility and service rather than dominance. Join us as we reflect on the weight of pride and the transformative power of love that listens, learns, and admits faults, proving that true strength lies in vulnerability and selflessness.

As we unpack the characteristics of love highlighted by Paul, men find themselves challenged to reconsider what true leadership looks like—not as a quest for dominance, but as an invitation to serve and uplift our partners. Arrogance, we argue, is the antithesis of love, and we explore how it can manifest in both overt and subtle manners. Drawing on biblical narratives, including the cautionary tales of Naaman and the Pharisee, we illustrate how pride can impede our ability to recognize our flaws and can stifle communication in a marriage.

We confront the notion that being the head of the household means enforcing control, instead asserting that true leadership involves taking initiative, listening, and being present for one’s spouse. As the conversation progresses, we confront the reality of irritability in relationships, emphasizing its often-overlooked impact on marital dynamics. We share anecdotes and practical advice on fostering an environment where the spouse feel valued and heard. By the end of the episode, we hope to inspire listeners to reflect on their own behaviors and to take actionable steps towards embodying the love that Paul describes—a love that is patient, kind, and above all, humble.

Takeaways:

• In our exploration of First Corinthians 13, we uncover the profound nature of love, emphasizing its qualities such as patience and kindness that define true love beyond mere sentimentality.
• The concept of leadership in a marriage is redefined; it’s not about control but about taking initiative and leading through example, embodying love as Christ demonstrated.
• Arrogance and irritability are identified as significant barriers to genuine love, as they distort interactions and create a hostile environment in relationships, particularly in marriage.
• True humility in love requires us to listen and learn, admitting our faults rather than defending our egos, which ultimately fosters deeper connections and understanding in marital dynamics.
• As we reflect on biblical examples, we recognize that pride often undermines the potential for healing and restoration in relationships, highlighting the importance of humility and confession in conflict resolution.
• Lastly, we see that love is not just about the absence of negative traits like irritability but actively involves being patient and understanding, creating a nurturing and supportive atmosphere in our homes.

All right.

Welcome to our study.

This morning we've been talking about First Corinthians 13, looking at beautiful description of love.

And it fits our study overall study of the spiritual man, and in particular as it relates to the marriage, and even more particular in our study as it relates to the head of the woman.

And what that leadership looks like doesn't have anything to do with someone taking control, being the boss and the decision maker, but rather it has to do with someone taking the initiative and leading by example and being present and being a part of the solution.

As we look at this discussion of love, we've looked at kindness and we've looked at patience.

And today we want to begin with talking about love, not being arrogant.

Now, this is talking about what love isn't, not what love is.

It was patient, it is kind, but today it's not arrogant and it's not irritable.

And Paul's not giving us again some sentimental language for weddings.

He's giving us a spiritual examination, showing us what love does and what it refuses to do, what kind of character love produces in a person who has been trained by Christ.

When Paul says that love is patient and love is kind, he also says that love does not envy and love does not boast.

And he says love is not arrogant.

It's not easily provoked, it's not irritable.

These aren't small matters.

These words expose the inner person.

They reveal what is going on beneath the surface of a man's conduct.

So, you know, he can provide for his household, he can protect his household.

He can be the man in the sense of providing the kind of protection and maybe a good income.

He can lead certain decisions in his household and do all of that and still fail to love.

If pride governs his spirit and he's easily irritable and that controls his tone, then the question is not merely does he occupy a position that's not important.

The question is, does he bear the likeness of Christ in that leadership position because he's to love as Christ loved?

That is why these two descriptions are so important.

If love is not arrogant and it's not irritable, what does that mean?

And what does that shield us from in a marriage and in a home?

Well, irritability corrupts a piece of the home, that's for sure.

Pride makes a man hard to correct, and irritability makes him hard to approach.

Pride kind of says, well, I should have, you know, I shouldn't have to humble myself.

I'm the head of this house, and if I do that then I'll lose my position as the leader.

They'll think that I can't do a good job or that if I make a mistake here, then what's to say?

They might question another thing that I'm doing in the future so I can't show any weakness.

And that's typically what the mind, the carnal mind is thinking irritability says, you should know better than to bother me.

But both of these are sort of enemies of sacrificial love that we see in Jesus Christ.

Of course, Christ had no wrongs.

That's the difference between the two of us.

He had nothing for which to be sorry for.

And yet we often make our share of mistakes.

But we should be willing to admit that.

So let's begin with this.

Love is not arrogant, you know.

Arrogance is one of the greatest enemies of love.

Because arrogance turns ourselves into the sinner.

That is, we are the.

We're thinking about ourselves first.

Pride makes a man difficult to correct.

He's slow to confess his wrongs, quick to defend himself, and he's eager to maintain superiority.

There have been people who've said things about us and about me I can think about even in this county.

Someone might say something off the cuff or say something about some role or something that I've done that they think is not good and doesn't represent the spirit of Christ.

And yet it's altogether incorrect.

They were basing it on appearances or basing it on something that I had said that might cause them to make this jump to some conclusion that isn't warranted.

And all of a sudden it may be spread around.

Well, you know, I can go to my defense if I knew that such existed.

But is that really the spirit that Christ would have me have?

And I believe that many times arrogance would the root cause for that motivation.

We want to be sure that people are know the truth.

And so, you know, a lot of people certainly, you know, they.

I don't know what they just feel like they've just got to always think about maintaining that.

That image.

And so.

So to admit wrong feels like losing that image or to apologize feels like they've been defeated.

And so the husband is not called to lead because his opinions are always right or that he's more superior or more knowledgeable.

And that's a mistake that people following, even those following that leaders often mistake.

That's not a correct judgment about it.

But I know that is a typical thought process.

He's not called to lead so he can enthrone himself in the Home.

He's called to love, like Christ loved and gave himself.

So the model is not domination.

The model is a cruciform, leadership.

It's leadership that's shaped by the cross.

Think about what they said of Jesus.

He's a winebibber, friend of publicans and sinners.

He died a common criminal.

People mocked him and ridiculed him.

Said that, oh, you.

You can.

You said you can save others.

Why save yourself if you're the Son of God?

Come on down and then we'll believe on you.

And these are the kinds of insults that Jesus faced.

The Jewish leadership continued to try to trip him up and cause him to make him look bad, make him look like he had violated the law and was a transgressor of law.

And so that was that, their agenda.

But that didn't move Christ.

In Philippians 2, the text there says, let nothing be done through strife or vainglory, but in lowliness of mind.

Let each esteem others better than themselves.

Paul goes on to say, look, not every man on his own things, but every man also on the things of others.

Then he says, let this mind be in you, which was also in Christ Jesus.

You see, that's the foundation.

Let this mind be in you.

Paul does not merely say, act humble, doesn't have anything to do with acting or have any appearance to being humble.

He says, have this attitude, have this mind, this spirit.

Think like Christ thought.

See others through the humility of Christ.

Use whatever strength, authority, knowledge, or advantage that you have in the spirit of Christ.

Well, what did Christ do?

Well, he was in the form of God, and yet he humbled himself.

He took the form of a servant.

He became the very.

The very being that he'd created.

He became a man.

I mean, you can't get any lower than that, can you?

And became not only a man, but became obedient unto death.

Even the death of the cross.

The cross was a criminal's death.

And if anyone had the right to assert superiority, though it would have been Christ.

And yet, if anyone could have demanded to be served, it was him.

But he says, you people ought to recognize who I am.

Is that what he did?

You people need to know that I am the Son of God, and I'm here to show it, and I'm here to prove it to you.

Now, if anyone could have said that, he could have done that.

But he didn't think about John 13 when he knew that the Father had given all things into his hand.

He knew where he came from.

He knew where he was going.

And Yet I think that's how John 17 opens.

But yet he was not insecure, he was not confused about his identity.

And what did he do with that knowledge?

He rose from supper, laid aside his garments and took a towel.

He girded himself with the towel and poured water into a basin and began to wash the disciples feet one at a time.

Now that scene is so astonishing it speaks volumes without saying a word.

Jesus didn't wash feet because he forgot who he was.

He washed feet because he knew who he was.

Did you get that point?

He's leader.

And to be a leader you have to lead the way by example.

His humility didn't come from weakness.

It came from strength governed by love.

And that doesn't mean that Jesus can't be forthright, that he can't be as a matter of fact and speak words of truth.

If it's done in love, even though it might have a little edge to can still be done with love and be motivated by love.

Jesus certainly is an example of that also.

But the scene in John 13 is certainly astonishing.

It's the pattern for husbands.

A husband who understands his role doesn't use leadership to escape from service.

He uses leadership to enter service.

He doesn't say, because I lead, I don't have to stoop to this level.

He says, because Christ leads by serving, I must learn to stoop.

You know, it may be that a man can lead best by walking up to the sink and doing the dishes for the evening supper, or maybe cooking a meal or doing something for the wife.

That would take some pressure and some responsibility off on occasion.

The husband that understands these things isn't humiliated.

He certainly takes the responsibility seriously and will step to the plate and be the leader.

And because Christ leads by serving, he has to learn to stoop.

A husband can't claim to love like Christ while refusing the humility of Christ.

And being like Christ, he can't demand submission if he refuses sacrifice.

He can't speak of leadership and still despise servanthood.

Because the cross doesn't just define what Christ did, it defines the shape of our calling, of the husband's calling.

You see, arrogance in a marriage can show itself in a lot of different ways.

A man might belittle his wife.

He may control every decision that's being made.

He may refuse to admit wrong.

He may not listen at all and easily or often interrupt.

He may mock.

He may dismiss a person's thoughts.

He may act as though the home exists to orbit around his own preferences.

But arrogance may also appear in quieter ways, a husband may always have to have the, you know, he may just have to have the final word in every minor disagreement.

Or he may dismiss his wife's concerns as well.

You're just too emotional.

See, that's often used against women.

He may act as though his work is more exhausting than hers, and his pressures are more serious than hers, and his perspective is more rational than hers, and his needs are more urgent than hers.

And he may listen only long enough to prepare his response for what he's going to say.

In response to what she said.

Well, that's nothing like love.

That's pride.

Pride wearing the clothing of leadership.

Love refuses that.

Love refuses that kind of spirit because love is humble enough to listen.

Love is humble enough to learn.

It's humble enough to say, I was wrong.

It's humble enough to ask, help me understand what you're feeling.

It's humble enough to admit, I'm sorry my tone was sinful, even if my point was right.

You see, one of the clearest biblical pictures of pride that sort of resists the kind of leadership that is true of Christ is an illustration we have of naaman in the second Kings 5.

He was a powerful man, certainly was a leader.

He was a captain of the host, of the king of Syria.

And so as this honorable man, as he was, he was very successful as far as the men are concerned.

And in his position, he was a man of powerful position.

The Bible says he was a leper, and that one statement humbles the whole picture.

Well, so he had rank, but he had a disease.

He had honor, but he was unclean and he couldn't cure himself.

And so Naaman went to Elisha, having heard of Elisha from a young maiden.

And he had gone there expecting a certain kind of treatment.

In other words, he had made up his mind what it was going to be like.

He imagined that the prophet would come out and call on the name of the Lord and wave his hand over the place and heal the leprosy.

You know, there are people like that today.

They have certain expectations.

And if what happens doesn't meet the expectations, then they reject it.

Well, Elisha didn't do anything that he expected.

Elisha sent a messenger out instead of going out himself, and he was told to go wash in the Jordan seven times.

Well, Naaman was angry.

He said, are not Abana and Pharfah, the rivers of Damascus, better than all the waters of Israel?

His pride nearly kept him diseased.

He'd already decided what healing should look like.

And when God's instructions didn't match that expectation.

He was somewhat offended by it.

Well, that's how often pride works in marriage.

A man may say he wants things to improve, but only if improvement comes in a way that flatters him.

He may say he wants healing, but he doesn't want humiliation.

He wants restoration, but he doesn't want to confess.

And it may very well require that.

You know, he wants to be have a peaceful relationship and a good marriage, but he doesn't want to be told, go wash in the Jordan.

You see my point?

Sometimes the very thing that would heal the marriage feels too lowly to the proud heart.

And it may be that what we expect, what we want, is not what we're told to do.

So in the case, very similarly to Naaman, it might be important that the man be told or heard someone say, you need to apologize.

Well, that might not be what he wants to do, but that may be exactly what should be done.

Or he may need to be told.

I need you to listen without correcting me.

I need you to stop dismissing my concerns.

I need you to admit that your anger has wounded me.

But see, to the proud man, those words feel like an insult.

But they may be the very Jordan river where healing begins.

Do you see that Naaman was cleansed only when he humbled himself.

He went down, dipped himself the seven times he was told, and his flesh came again like the flesh of a little child.

Pride would have preserved his dignity and kept his disease.

But humility cost him his pride, but gave him healing.

So marriage often works that same way.

Pride keeps a guy, a man, from healing what humility could restore.

And there are a lot of conflicts that remain unresolved in a marriage.

Not because they're too complicated, but simply because pride refuses to confess.

Pride refuses to take the first step.

Another powerful example is the Pharisee and the publican.

In Luke 18, Jesus told this parable to certain others who trusted in themselves that they were righteous and despised others.

Two men went up to the temple to pray.

The Pharisee stood and prayed with himself.

Notice he wasn't even talking to God.

He was wanting to be seen.

And so this carnally minded man, who is all about appearances rather than truth, said, God, I thank thee that I am not as other men are.

And then he listed the sins of others and the virtues of himself.

How he fasted and gave tithes.

He wasn't like this old publican.

But the publican stood afar off.

He wouldn't even lift up his eyes to heaven.

He smote upon his breast and said, God, be merciful to me, a sinner.

Jesus said, the publican went down to his house, justified rather than the Pharisee.

Do you see the danger here?

The Pharisee had religious language.

He may be able to say a beautiful prayer, but he was not humble.

He had moral comparison.

He had good values.

He had good appearance of a life that appeared to be righteous.

But he had not repented.

He knew how to identify sin and others.

He could see that, but he couldn't see it in himself.

So this can happen.

And whether it's the man or the woman, it can happen to either one.

But our emphasis, my friends, is as we think about the value of leadership, it must begin with the man.

A husband may think, I work hard and I provide, and I'm faithful, and I'm not like other men.

I don't run around.

I don't abandon my family.

And all of that may be true.

And still his heart is full of pride.

A man can use his strengths to avoid confessing his sins.

He can hide behind what he does right so he doesn't have to face what he does wrong.

He can say, look what I've done.

When the real question is, have you loved with humility?

And so the publican teaches us something very essential.

The doorway into mercy is not superiority.

It's confession.

And the man who goes home justified is not the man who proves that he's better than someone else.

It's the man who bows low and cries for mercy.

And that's why love is not arrogant.

Love isn't obsessed with protecting its own image.

It's not appearance driven.

A proud man would rather appear right than being right.

A loving man would rather humble himself than preserve a false appearance of strength.

So we see the danger of arrogance again in another man named King Uzziah.

We find that record in 2 Chronicles 26.

Uzziah was greatly helped by God.

He became strong.

He prospered.

His name spread abroad.

But the scripture says when he was strong, his heart was lifted up to his destruction.

That sentence should sober every man.

When he was strong, his heart was lifted up.

See, strength is dangerous when it is not governed by humility.

Success is dangerous when it teaches a man to trust in himself.

Authority is dangerous when it is used without fear of God.

And so Uzziah entered the temple to burn incense, something he had no right to do.

The priests withstood him and told him he had trespassed.

But Uzziah got angry, and instead of receiving the correction, he resisted it.

His Pride turned correction into conflict.

And, well, there's the test of humility.

How does a man respond when he's corrected?

Well, you be the judge of that when it comes to you, when it's applied to you, you see?

Not when he's praised, not when he's thanked, not when everyone agrees with him.

But how does he respond when somebody says, you're wrong about that?

A proud man may attack the messenger.

He may change the subject.

He may list the other person's faults and say, you do the same thing.

He may try to turn the attention and the focus on someone else.

He may become silent and cold.

He may apologize in a way that's not really an apology.

You've heard people say, I'm sorry you feel that way.

That's not an apology.

Or I guess I can't do anything right.

And that's not humility.

So that's pride defending itself with wounded language.

But love receives correction very differently.

Love says, let me think on this.

If it's not readily accepted or understood, or, let me hear this.

Love says, there may be something I need to see here.

Thanks for sharing.

Love says, even if I don't agree with everything here, I've got to examine myself before God first.

The book of Proverbs says, rebuke a wise man and he'll love you.

That's not natural.

That's spiritual maturity.

A wise man loves the wound that heals him.

Now, this doesn't mean a husband should become passive and weak or unable to lead.

Biblical humility is not the absence of conviction.

Jesus was very humble, and yet he was never weak.

He corrected sin.

He confronted hypocrisy.

He spoke truth, but he never used truth as a weapon of self exaltation.

He spoke as one who came to save, not as one who needed to prove his superiority.

Now, that's the difference.

Pride uses truth to win.

Love uses truth to serve.

And so in a home, a husband must ask, am I using truth to build up or to dominate?

Am I correcting because I love or because I want control?

Am I leading my wife toward Christ, or am I proving that I'm right?

Imagine a man holding a flashlight in a dark room.

The purpose of the flashlight is to help people see.

But if he shines it directly into someone's eyes, he blinds them.

And sometimes we use truth like that.

Truth is a light.

It illuminates.

But a proud man can handle truth in a way that wounds and prevents people from seeing around them.

It doesn't illuminate.

It blinds them.

It doesn't help them, it hinders them.

And so a loving man does not merely care that he has light, he cares how he uses it.

So, my friends, love is not arrogant.

Now, Paul also says that love is not irritable.

I don't know that we'll be able to finish that thought tonight or today, but we'll start it.

The King James version says love is not easily provoked.

If patience describes the positive side of restrained love, then this certainly describes what love refuses to become.

It refuses to live constantly on the edge of reaction.

And sometimes that's pretty much how men lead is they react instead of act.

Irritability is more serious than many people assume it is.

It often appears small, just an aggravated tone, a sharp answer, or just maybe a sigh or dismissive look or rolled eyes in the back of your head, a slammed cabinet, some sarcastic comment or a silence that chills the room.

But the cumulative effect in marriage can be very profound.

Irritability communicates that the other person is a burden rather than a companion.

It turns ordinary interaction into emotional risk.

And over time, a wife can learn to approach her husband carefully, measuring his mood before he speaks.

She asks herself, is this a good time to talk to you?

She's wondering, is he going to be annoyed?

Was this going to become an argument?

And in that kind of an environment, peace becomes fragile because it depends on the husband's mood.

And at the very core of that irritability is often a selfishness.

It's an emotional selfishness because it arises when personal comfort and convenience and personal preferences or fatigue are treated as more important than the needs of that relationship.

A man can get very irritable when he expects the emotional climate of the home to revolve around himself.

Let me explain.

If he's tired, everybody's got to feel it.

They've got to know how tired he is.

If he's frustrated, everybody has to adjust to his frustration.

They have to understand why he's not in such a good mood.

If he's inconvenienced, everybody's got to know.

His mood becomes the weather system of the home.

But love doesn't do that.

It refuses to have that pattern.

James says, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath, for the wrath of man does not work the righteousness of God.

That passage is deeply practical for marriage.

Swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath.

We want to come back to this and pick up where we left off in talking about love is not irritable or it's not easily provoked.

But until then, I trust you have a very good day and a pleasant week ahead.