In this deeply moving episode, Kristin Crockett sits down with Jen Bianco for a conversation that reaches straight to the heart. Jen opens up about the sacred journey of carrying, meeting, and saying goodbye to her son A.J.—a journey filled with love, uncertainty, and an unwavering courage that continues to shape her family today.

Together, Kristin and Jen explore the duality of joy and sorrow, and what it means to hold both at the same time. Jen shares how A.J.’s brief but powerful life changed the way she sees motherhood, faith, family, and the purpose of each new day. Her story is a testament to the strength of the human spirit and the quiet bravery required to walk through grief while still choosing love.

This episode also highlights the healing that comes through connection—between friends, through community, and through the legacy we choose to create. Jennifer reflects on the ways her family continues to honor A.J., turning heartbreak into meaningful acts of remembrance that touch others and keep his light alive.

If you have ever navigated loss, felt the tension between hope and heartbreak, or wondered how to keep moving forward when life breaks open, this conversation will meet you exactly where you are. It’s a story of resilience, tenderness, and the courage to keep showing up.

Listen in and be reminded: even in our deepest pain, we can rise, we can love, and we can live our Courageous Destiny.

About Jen Bianco — Storyteller, Creative Visionary, and Heart-Led Guide

Jen Bianco is the co-founder and owner of Bianco Productions, a Chicago-based, family-run creative production company dedicated to telling stories that matter. Purpose-driven and rooted in community impact, Jen creates high-quality visual content for municipalities, nonprofits, and small businesses—bringing missions to life and showcasing the heart behind every organization she serves.

A proud Filipino American artist from Chicago’s northern suburbs, Jen built an international career across stage, film, and television, with performances spanning New York City, the Philippines, and China. Her work has included major films, TV series, commercials, and theatre productions, as well as the development of intercultural arts programs and community initiatives that use storytelling to connect people and purpose.

Beyond the camera, Jen is a devoted birth doula and the owner of A Joyful Blessing Birth Services, where she supports families through pregnancy, birth, and postpartum. Blending her creative eye with her calling to serve, she also captures birth stories as a videographer and photographer, preserving the sacred beauty and strength of each family’s journey.

Whether she’s producing mission-centered films or standing beside a mother in labor, Jen leads with compassion, creativity, and courageous purpose. She believes deeply in the power of story—how it heals, inspires, and reveals who we are becoming.

Jen and her husband, David, are the grateful parents of four sons who continue to shape her purpose and inspire her work every day.

Hello, everyone, and welcome to the courageous destiny build a business and life you love podcast.

I am your hostess, Kristen Crockett, and I love to help people live their courageous destinies.

And I have to tell you, I am so honored and elated to have Jennifer Bianco, business owner of a joyful blessing birth services and co business owner of Bianco Productions.

And we also have a very special relationship, not just as friends, but also she is one of my very brave people that come on board and have coached with me in courageous destiny.

And I have to.

I have to share with everybody how incredibly special this lady is and how special our time together is.

And I really wanted to, you know, not only has she been a talented actress and mom and all the things, but she has an incredible story to share, and I wanted to give her a place where she can do that and kind of work out the bits and pieces of what she would like to share.

So without any further ado and build up, Jen, welcome to my show.

I'm so excited to be here.

Thank you, Kristen, for inviting me.

This is so special.

And just hearing you talk about the moments you and I share together is so special because I love how just even from the first day we ever had a conversation, we went deep.

We went deep right away.

We go deep every single time.

And I love it so much.

And I just love that you are a safe and open space for people to share and to really help them walk in their courageous destiny and their journey.

Thank you.

Thank you.

You know, that first conversation, that brings me back to our first conversation.

And I remember, you know, we had a conversation and you had these one on ones.

If anybody's ever experienced networking.

And it's not like everybody you I meet is, oh, wow, that should be a coaching client of mine.

Right?

That's not the intention.

I always want to find out what everybody's doing and.

But it was like an instant connection.

Yes.

And I will never forget how busy you were at that time.

And you're like, oh, if I can find a space to meet.

If I can find a space to meet.

And do you remember there was a rainbow over the date and I'm like, well, my calendar is free that day.

And then we met that day.

And also, I don't know if it was the first or the second time we met, but we met in the library too, which was.

There it was.

I thought this was like, I had never met anyone in the library in one of those side rooms.

I didn't even know those.

I guess I knew those rooms did exist.

But you were like, let's meet at the library.

And we did, and we just.

We just had a really lovely conversation.

And then I looped David, my husband, into that because he's my partner in Bianco Productions, and we just had a really good.

And then we had.

I don't know, it was several meetings.

It was that.

And then zoom meetings or something like that, and then the rest was history.

And.

And I'm so glad that I get to see you at least once a month through WBN or a walk or whatever.

Maybe we're passing in different networking groups or whatever.

But it's always so great to connect with you.

Absolutely.

Absolutely.

And, you know, your.

Your mom's story is quite a story, and I really want you to open it up.

But that was something that touched me immediately when we started having our conversations.

So would you share with us about aj?

Yes.

Oh, my gosh.

AJ Is our fourth son.

I'm a total boy mom, and it's such a joy.

And I laugh every single day because they definitely keep me on my toes.

That was his birthday.

But in the months leading up, I would say.

So first of all, we were very excited because David and I had always yearned for a big family.

I come from a family of four, and David comes from a family of five.

And we were so.

All of us, we were so excited to have this fun fourth little soul come into our life.

And throughout my pregnancies, each one, I became more and more intuitive in terms of knowing where my babies were in my body, like, if they were head down or what.

And I was always very aware.

And this is probably around, gosh, maybe 29 weeks.

I was feeling very, very, very tired, which is not for me at that time.

For my other pregnancies, I was not that.

I was not that tired.

I was always.

I had a lot of energy at that time.

So I was.

That was kind of like this first indication that this is a very different experience for me.

Okay.

And so I would sleep for hours and hours, napping all the time.

And so around 30 weeks go by, around 33 weeks, I connected with my midwife, and I said, you know, there is something up with this pregnancy.

I feel like this baby is lying sideways, very uncomfortable.

And she said, you know what?

Why don't we.

To make a long story short, let's get everything checked again.

And we discovered at around 33 weeks that AJ had two congenital defects that were not detected on the 20 week ultrasound.

And one of them was a very rare heart condition called core triatriatum, where he had a membrane that developed in one of his atriums that kept his blood from flowing fully through his heart.

And that needed to be taken care of on the day of his birth.

And he needed open heart surgery, like, right away after he was born.

So that was really hard.

That was very.

It was very scary.

But we didn't know that right away.

Right.

We had to go through the whole process.

The other congenital defect that he had was called achondroplasia.

He had a skeletal dysplasia.

He would have been 4ft tall.

He was a little person.

And we found out that these two.

These two defects did not.

They don't really go hand in hand.

A heart defect does not go hand in hand with achondroplasia.

And vice versa.

Like, it's not a thing.

It's just, this is how he was, how God created him.

He was truly so very special.

And from that point on, we, you know, transferred to maternal.

Fetal medicine every.

We just didn't even know what we were doing.

It was.

Every day was a different day.

We had to get care, you know, babysitters, care for our kids.

We were down in both Lutheran General and then transferred to Christ Hospital in Oak Lawn.

And the rest was history in terms of just, you know, having all of that care and really planning for a high risk C section into his surgery.

He did have open heart surgery on his birthday.

I mean, I was so grateful.

I think the one thing I really wanted was to hold him.

And I knew that that wasn't possible because they needed to work quickly.

But it was such a joy to hear his cry.

Like, he cried.

He cried.

And we thought, okay, maybe he's not gonna cry.

You know, there was a lot of unknown.

And so that was like the best part.

Like, we heard his voice and we saw him, and David snuck a kiss and was so happy to see him.

And then they kind of had to pull him as start to intubate to prepare him for surgery.

And then they wheeled me in for my recovery, and it took them better part of a full day to really get him to get through that surgery.

And every day was different.

We knew that he would live.

He could live for six seconds, six minutes, hours.

We knew that it could be six days or weeks or years.

They didn't have any idea?

No, no, they didn't.

They didn't know.

They really didn't know.

They didn't know how his body would take this, especially because he had achondroplasia.

I think that kind of was this other wild card that was in this whole experience.

I mean, David's sister, Naomi, is amazing.

She's a wonderful writer, and she set up a caring bridge for our family.

And so that was really helpful throughout this experience for us not to have to write something down every day because we were there, right, with him.

And this hospital is about an hour away.

So we were away from our kids for quite some time.

We.

We didn't see them all the time.

They.

His brothers, they got to meet him about three times total.

He ended up.

Every day was different.

There were times when he would rally and there would be some positives and.

And then something would happen.

It would.

And it felt like a setback.

And every day was just so.

Almost felt like we were walking on eggshells.

But throughout this.

So I have to say, on the day of his birth, I remember we got a hospital room or.

No, we got a hotel room across the street from the hospital.

We had to wake up at three in the morning.

My mom got a room.

She was with us to support.

And David and I got another room.

And we had.

I think David's sister might have.

Might have.

Or David's parents were watching our kids at home.

And I woke up.

We.

We both Woke up at 3.

And then I thought in my head, this is the day that the Lord has made.

Let us rejoice and be glad in it.

Really kind of leaning on my faith in this moment.

Right.

Because there, I do believe in miracles.

I do believe that they're, you know, that.

That God can make anything happen, really.

And so 20 seconds after I think this, in my mind, David says the same thing out loud.

Yeah.

And at that moment, we both decided that we would choose Joy.

I think we even got it on a video.

We probably made a reel.

I'll have to go look back and scroll on my Instagram, which we were.

We were kind of documenting on Instagram at the time.

So if people go there, they could probably.

Probably see.

But I think we might have captured that on.

On a video clip of us saying, today we're choosing Joy.

And that was kind of our mantra throughout that entire experience, that no matter what, we are choosing Joy.

Because today we get to meet our son.

Today we get to see him, and we get to meet him and we get to hear him cry.

It was amazing.

So he.

He got through.

He pulled through the surgery, and then he lived for 44 days.

And so it's like some people ask us, or some people have said to us, oh, that must have been the hardest time of your life, or that must have been the worst time.

And part of me thinks, well, some would say that, but how could I say that?

Because this is the time that I had the opportunity to, like, physically meet my child and see him and know him for this short amount of time.

So we.

We.

Yeah, every day was different.

And then.

And then he passed away.

The.

The.

The.

The day he.

He passed on, like, around 1.

Something in the morning on May 3rd, and the day before was really tough.

And of course, we're like, send telling David's sister, share this on Caring Bridge.

Something's going on.

Please pray.

Whatever, you know, give.

Give us.

Yeah, just support through all prayers and thoughts and good wishes and.

And.

And that day, he had some of his.

He had his stitches taken out from his chest, which was, you know, it was exciting.

But he also had some of his chest tubes taken out that day.

The thing is, normally they take chest tubes out much earlier, and he had been.

You know, this had been six weeks already.

And the reason they didn't take him out was probably because he did need some.

Need them there to drain any fluid or whatever.

And.

And his levels were just off all day long.

And so my mom said this was the first time that we were doing this, like, on.

Off him, David, on for two days with him and me with the kids.

And, you know, and then I'd go with AJ for two days.

And then.

So this is the first week we were doing this where we were not together.

And I was at the hospital, and my mom said, no, David, you need to be there.

Why don't you go and be with Jen and aj?

So he came, and so glad he did because, you know, well, he came.

It was.

He was exhausted and hungry.

And the doctor said, the night shift Doctor who's amazing, Dr. Rohit.

We love him.

He was like, don't worry.

Go out and grab some food.

Just, you know, like, nourish yourselves.

If anything happens, I'll text you.

And so we go and we eat sushi because that's our favorite food ever for dates.

And.

And he texted.

He said, everything's looking good.

He's stable.

Have some more edamame.

You're good.

And then we start to pay the bill, and right as we're about to get in the car, he texts us and saying, says, start starting CPR now.

It was like, what, he was totally fine, or we felt like he was totally fine.

Or he was stabilized enough.

And so we get to the hospital just down the.

Down the street.

So we get to the hospital, and I'm totally freaking out.

We see so many people at the end of his.

Of the hallway, right in front of his door.

And his nurse that day came up to us.

Her shift had already ended, but she stayed, bless her.

And she kind of prepared us for what we were to see when we go in the room.

And I couldn't even.

I couldn't even look at him.

That was the hardest part for me because I was afraid to kind of just see.

The thing is, he had a lot of edema, so he was very puffy.

There was something about how his capillaries or something he wasn't able to really, like, where were all of these fluids that he was getting?

Like, where were they going?

Right?

So he was very, very puffy, and he looked different every single day.

And so with having, you know, with having cpr, I didn't.

I wasn't ready to see him.

And so David went right next to him.

Oh, my goodness.

My kids just got off the bus, and I can hear them downstairs.

So it's okay.

This is the real life stuff, is parents, right?

They might come up and just interrupt.

And if they.

And if they do, that's okay.

And if they do, that's okay.

It's the real life stuff.

So I kind of walked by him and I started praying, and David went right next to him, and I'm so glad that he was right there with him.

And they said, you're going to stay the night.

And we said, okay, of course.

And they did ask us, if we do CPR again, would you want us to continue?

And David said, yes, we believe in miracles, and wanted to give him one last try.

And at one point, he did go under cardiac arrest.

And we were in the room at that second time during the cpr, which was very, very hard.

We were openly praying.

We were just.

And we were singing.

We do this song, this prayer, David's side of the Family, where we sing it for birthdays, we sing it for funerals.

We sing it, you know, at weddings, you know, if somebody's leaving on a road trip or traveling.

And so we were.

We were singing that prayer.

It is the prayer.

It's may the Lord bless you.

May the Lord keep you.

May his face shine upon you.

May he be gracious to you.

May the Lord bless you and keep you and wait.

May the Lord and.

And look kindly on you and give you peace.

That's right.

I had to think about it.

You know, it's like, think when people are asking you the last four digits of your phone number or your Social Security number.

I have to really, like, think about it.

I had to start singing it to remember those words.

But, yes, so that we were praying and singing that song, and there were like, it seemed like 20 people in the room, and we just didn't care.

We were just straight up just praying over him.

And at one point, the doctor, one of the, his surgeon actually turned around and looked at us, and I, I had to look at David and said.

And I told him, I said, honey, we have to let him go.

I knew in that moment, and I do think and believe that in those six weeks that we were there with him, that in a way, the doctors and nurses were preparing us.

We were sitting in on the rounds, and so we would hear things about what would happen if we do have cpr.

What would, you know?

And we, we were prepared and.

But I think it was shocking for David.

So I look at him, and he's like, what?

Like looking up at the doctor and how could this.

And the doctor says, or his surgeon says, well, you know, there's nothing we.

Else we can do.

We can't get him back on ECMO because he was on ECMO in the first 18 days of his.

Had one trial, I think a week after, to get off, and then they had to put him back on.

And it was just really hard.

All of this was so.

It's almost.

I'm, I'm far enough two and a half years removed from that experience already that I can talk about it without really getting too emotional, but it's, It's.

I can't even believe in a lot of ways that we went through that.

And I, I, I remember that first time we spoke and we saw the prism to bring it full circle, and I remember thinking, and it came right out of my heart, like, there's, there's my thinking from my head.

Right.

Like, how do I solve this problem?

And then there's this thinking that happened in my heart, and it just comes up.

And I remember hearing how he was born to be an angel in your family.

Yes.

And a guide.

Absolutely.

Yes.

And I'll never, I'll never forget that.

And it's, you know, completely devastating, obviously.

And I, I can't even imagine going through something like that.

But I know the way that your faith is and, and the way that the two of you operate and your, your family, it's just a beautiful thing to witness.

Bring him forward now.

And why don't you share with us some ways your family brings him along now with you.

It's so wild because it's.

He's so very much woven into our life every.

Yes.

You know, and.

Well, first I have to say that, like, looking back on who we were before this and now, it's.

I feel, Yes, I know I'm the same person.

David's the same person.

We're the same people.

But an experience like this totally changes you.

I mean, there are some people that I have met through this experience that I really have gravitated towards, and then people that, you know naturally.

And this happens naturally, whether or not you have an experience like this.

But you kind of fall in and out of certain relationships and.

And I think that's just because of the nature of the experience.

Probably, maybe some people, it's too difficult to be around my grief or.

I don't know.

But.

And I.

And I've grown to accept kind of this new version of myself.

But I also look back on, like, all of these different versions of myself every time I had a child.

Right.

Because we.

You say goodbye to the old self and welcome the new.

And I think that we are constantly evolving and changing and growing and all the other prior life experience, the moves we lived internationally and all of that, really prepared for this discomfort of having to sit with that pain of not having our child in our hands, you know.

Yeah.

Like, it is not fun to be uncomfortable in any way, shape or form.

You know, we can be.

It doesn't feel that great.

But that's in the times when we are uncomfortable, when we might not have control of a situation.

That's when we do learn the most about ourselves.

If we are open to that.

Right?

If we're open to that.

Because I can totally.

Man, it took me so long to get to the point of like, I got to get out of bed and brush my teeth and walk and brush my hair and put my makeup on and just doing those very small things is just brushing my teeth.

Big win.

Big win.

And you think like, oh, getting out of bed, huge win.

Because I just remember that first day of like, coming back from the hospital.

Oh, by the way, the.

I have to say this too.

That was so amazing.

And I will answer your question, but I just.

It's just coming to me.

When we walked out of the hospital that morning at like 6:30 because we had to come home and tell the kids, that was like, very scary to tell our children.

Thank God we got through that.

And the weeks months prior were really.

Those weeks prior were kind of cold.

Really cold.

Not pleasant.

It wasn't a nice sp.

You know, feeling.

And then we woke.

We.

We walked out of the.

Walked out of the hospital and the sun was shining and it was like the first spring day.

Like, oh my gosh, there he is.

It was just so amazing.

So then we, like, I remember coming home, we told our kids and then I slept and I slept and I slept and I slept.

I mean, we also had to wake up at 10 o' clock in the morning and then go right over to Burnett Dane and.

And basically plan his funeral.

That's very sad.

Which was also like, can't even believe that that happened.

But again, going back to that discomfort when you are uncomfortable, that's when you grow and you learn and sometimes it takes time.

I'm still in a very uncomfortable space face.

It's okay because I, I accept it.

I welcome it because I know.

But you're.

You're using it in a different way and you're using it to share your story, which I'm noticing is.

Which I really, when I say I'm honored, like, I really mean that.

Like, thank you for sharing your story and some of your story like you have.

I. I'm a huge Stan for you writing a book and sharing it everywhere.

Totally.

I know, I would love that.

I really want to do it.

And I'm like, oh my gosh, when is it gonna happen?

I don't know.

I don't.

Well, this is a start, right?

This is a start.

I always say I am here to cause a chain reaction.

Inspiring people to act, creating lives of happiness, purpose, passion and light.

Yes.

And this is like the, the spark, the start, the seed.

You are planting the seed.

And really since I've been talking with you, like we have talked a lot about, I mean, you know, the very first day I told you I'm writing a one woman show.

I've been wanting to do this five years and.

But I wanted enough life experience to stand on to do this.

So I have this.

But also this show might be turning into a book or maybe the book is first or, or maybe multiple books, I don't know.

But I. I do believe these things will happen.

And you're right.

This is a start for that.

And I think being it that it's two and a half years out, we're still, we're still kind of baby grievers.

You know, I really do feel like we're still early in our grief we have.

So the way we keep.

Back to circling back, the way we keep AJ in our life, wow.

We've done a bunch of different legacy projects, or what I like to call legacy projects.

So.

Wow.

That first week, David started on refurbishing the old playset, which, you know, we ended up taking some parts.

Some parts of the playset apart and, you know, adding new wood and new.

New swings and things.

And we painted it white and blue.

And people who come and visit our house can put their handprint on there.

We call it AJ's, and they write their name.

We call it AJ's Memorial Playhouse.

So we have this beautiful playhouse next to our home and.

Or kind of like in the backyard there.

We have rocks painted in front of our house with his name on it.

And we.

We, the boys, every single.

I mean, just before we got on the phone, jt, we told him, jt, you can't come in the room here because I'm on the phone with Kristen and recording.

Yes.

But he showed me this beautiful picture of.

It was like a house on the top of a hill with a flying little baby angel.

And he always draws AJ all the time.

He lived for 44 days.

So we see the number 44 everywhere.

And so my children, whenever we're on the road, driving back and forth to their events, martial arts, whatever, they will always say 44, 44.

Or they will point out whenever his name AJ.

So every time I hear that, which I will say is probably at least five to ten times a day for my kids, they'll bring him up.

I know that he is with us.

I know that I.

That is how really I'm able to connect with him and know that he is a big part of our life.

But also, I parent AJ differently than I parent my kids, the other kids, maybe.

And I.

And I think it's evolved over these last months that, you know, in the beginning, my parenting of AJ looked like.

And it still is.

This, I would say, is going to these grief retreats or going.

There's a grief retreat for grieving parents called Louella's Lodge down in Oakwood, Illinois.

So I go there freak frequent.

I've gone there frequently.

That's one way that I honor and parent aj.

But in the beginning, I. I would say that the way I parented him would be for me to parent my kids better.

I mean, I don't know if that makes sense, if that makes sense, but really being more attentive to their needs.

Whereas, like, as a parent, it's so easy to just Go, go, go.

Do the things.

Come on, get your shoes on.

Let's get out the door.

Let's it do all the things.

Because we have so much going on.

But I really took those days because we weren't working.

We took a significant amount of time off of our work to actively grieve his loss.

And we took that time, I took that time as a mother to really be hands on with the boys as much as I possibly could.

Am I perfect?

No.

Do I still yell at my kids?

Yes.

Well, I hope that you have some human beingness to you.

You have three boys and how old are they?

Three other boys?

10, 6 and 5 now.

And they are, they're wild and amazing and each of them are so unique and I'm so grateful that even though they were 8, 4 and 3 when this happened, I believe, yeah, 8, 4 and 3, they remember.

And you know, the, the now 5 year old, he was 3 at the time.

Even though he probably doesn't remember specifics with him, he, he's the one who, I don't know if it's that thing about when you're younger, you're closer to the veil, you just have this other sense.

Right.

Understanding.

And so our kids were just so somehow understanding.

We also give them.

They've been to grief camps in the summer and so we make sure that then David's mom.

So this one grief camp, it's called Camp Kangaroo at, I forget the college.

It's at a college here in, in Illinois.

I forget the name.

It starts with an A, but it's, it's a grief, it's a three day grief camp for kids and they're only allowed to go within the first two years of their person passing.

And so they were done until David's mom had passed the summer.

So they got to go again this last summer.

They'll go again next summer.

So we, so they get, they're getting continuous grief support and we are all doing that.

So we, we keep him very much in our life.

And this kind of segues into the work that I'm doing now in my living, my courageous destiny.

Yes.

And it, I am now.

So before he was born, I got my certification to be a birth doula.

And that whole, that is a whole other story.

So if anyone wants to hear that, you just reach out to me.

I'd love to share it, but it's just.

We'll have to have another podcast and you can share all about that.

You guys, this woman who wouldn't want to be supported.

Would there be a Better person or, you know, to support you in a birth, if, you know.

I mean, I. I can't even imagine, you know, not just you, but that angel that always comes along with you.

Absolutely.

Such amazing support and amazing feel.

And I wanted to say this, too.

And then I have to ask you my two questions.

Yeah.

And that I ask everybody, but I want to.

I want to.

I want to point this out to you.

If there are ever relationships that you have lost due to this.

Right.

I think it might not be the grief.

I think it's the bright light that shines through that.

Oh.

And sometimes people can't handle our light.

Wow.

And, you know, it's not a conscious thing, but I just.

That came to me, and I just wanted to share that with you because that, to me, is something that I saw and felt from you from the time I. I think the first time I saw you was briefly at Come Together, and a friend of ours was sitting next to us.

I go, who is that?

Who is that?

Who is that?

Who is that?

Jen Bianco.

So, you know, I just wanted to share that with you.

Okay.

Two questions.

Yes.

And it feels funny to ask in the context of the story, but I'm going to ask them anyway, because why not?

Okay.

So what is the most courageous thing that you've ever done?

Oh, I mean, it feels funny to ask, but.

No, that is a really, really good question, and I have so many answers because of.

I. I really feel, in many ways, I've lived many lives in this lifetime, but I will say the most courageous thing that I have ever done in my life.

Is continuing to push forward.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It's just.

It's just.

It's truly just that.

To saying yes to parenting my other kids, to showing up in my relationship with David, which is, like, one of the hardest things I think anyone can ever do after you lose a child.

Yeah.

It is not easy because you are on such different grief journeys.

Because we're so.

All of us are so uniquely made.

No two humans are the same.

It's what I say in the work I do as a doula is that no two babies are the same.

So they're.

Of course, each experience and birth is going to be different.

And.

And in our loss, we were grieving so differently and still are.

But I would like to think that we are partners in our grief, even though we are grieving differently, if that makes sense.

You know, we're really working through that.

But just the most courageous thing is to say yes to showing up every day, because through that it has opened up a world of opportunities, especially in our work and our businesses.

Like, like I was about to mention before with a joyful blessing Birth Services.

This is, you know, I've become a doula.

I could have chosen not to.

Not to serve families in the birth space, of course, because it's like it could be triggering.

Right.

It could be hard for me to see life come into the world.

But I see this.

And you and I have talked about this and you reminded me that like, instead of like, you know, the grief being.

I remember this convers so well when you had mentioned to me, Kristen, that like, instead of the grief being something that you carry.

Yes, we carry grief.

Like, instead of it being such a weight, can.

Is there a way we can transform that into something like more of like a guiding sort of thing?

And so I do really see that in the work in the birth space when I serve families, that my experience, all the birth experiences I've had, but also my experience specifically with aj is that he is now a guiding light and he is more of a guide in this work that I do, as well as just sharing his story.

He, like, it's hard sometimes sharing this story, for sure.

Yeah.

But I see it as an opportunity of letting the Holy Spirit kind of speak through me and to share because I know how difficult it is to want to get up.

I know that if I made a different choice, I could have chosen to allow this to consume me for the rest of my life.

Will I still be grieving?

Yes, every single day.

Will I carry all of that pain every single day in my heart?

Yes.

But there is also simultaneously so much joy and so much.

So many beautiful things that we can be grateful for.

Yeah.

This world is really tough right now.

I'm fully aware.

I know how polarized are.

But you know what this is.

Whenever we get like, we have friends all over and all the different beliefs and whatever.

But like sometimes when it gets to that conversation with certain people, oftentimes we say this will say, yep, it is hard.

And also we are truly our family right now is focusing on taking life one day at a time, being grateful for the breath in our lungs.

Because the.

So AJ's surgery went really well, but it was his lungs that were suffering.

And so we would witness him trying so heavily to breathe.

So even just the thought about that I can take a deep breath that like I'm with women who breathe their babies into this world, like encouraging them to breathe, remember to breathe.

Just.

We take something like that for granted.

And yes, there is suffering and there's pain in the world, of course.

And I'm not saying that we should forget all of that and not do all the, you know, there's politics and whatever.

But like, really we are just focusing so much right now on what we can do in the small ways in our communities.

So our businesses, we serve nonprofit organizations that have a mission and want to serve people.

And so we're just trying on those small little ways to make small shifts within.

Even if that means, I don't know, getting a friend a coffee or something or just sitting with a friend or just reaching out to someone or making.

David's mom, who recently passed, used to, we would make together with her what are called blessing bags for people that when.

So David used to uber drive and so we would.

He doesn't do it anymore, but we would make these blessing bags, put them in Ziploc bags with water, some food, you know, like toothbrush, socks, and we would do that with the kids.

So like in those little small ways so that he could, like, if he saw somebody on the street who looked like they were in need, he could just open up his window and give them a blessing bag, you know, something small, stuff like that.

And I know it's small, but how do we make that small?

Those, those changes, right?

How, how can we create impact?

And, and, and so that, And I.

See you doing that every day.

I see you doing that every day in Bianco Productions when you're showcasing, you know, some of these really cool projects that you do sometimes spotlighting, you know, not for profit organizations and what they do and small businesses and your municipality where it's, it's really just something to see.

And I just have to thank you from the bottom of my heart for coming on my show.

I do have one more question though, for you.

Yeah, yeah, totally.

Go for it.

It's like I can't not ask.

So what's, what's the most courageous thing on the bucket list?

Oh, wow.

Well, I mean, I think the most courageous thing on the bucket list is definitely the one woman show.

That's it.

That's it.

Okay, you guys, okay, you guys.

Everybody heard me today.

It was here live on my show, this one woman show from the ever so lovely Jen Bianco, doula production actress.

Like there is no Renaissance lady.

One of my very, very favorite people.

We are all gonna, we're all gonna hold her, hold her accountable for that, that one woman show.

And it is coming.

And I am, like I said, I'm just so grateful to have you.

On my show, is there any final words that you would like to share with.

With the audience before we depart today?

Oh, thank you for asking that.

It's always like, oh, what, what, what are the final words?

I don't know.

I think I just want to say thank you first for just having me here to share this story and just having a beautiful conversation and for what you do for a lot of people, just encouraging them to live their courageous destiny.

And also thank you for encouraging live my courageous destiny and for helping me to kind of refocus some.

Some thoughts and ideas that I've had for my.

My businesses and for my future.

And just kind of going back to the.

The theme of today's conversation, which is AJ and our experience.

I just.

I guess I just really want to encourage people to, yes, choose joy, but what does that really mean for you?

And, right.

And, and, and that can look different for a lot of.

A lot of people.

And, and, and that can be a very challenging thing to kind of step into, to choose something like that when they are in the hardest part of.

Of their life experience.

And so I do encourage people to take that step and get out of bed, brush their teeth, start dreaming again.

Yeah, really, those things that helped me to kind of get to where I am now, and I have a thriving birth business and production company now.

And I never in my wildest dreams would have ever thought that this experience with AJ would have led me to dreaming bigger and choosing every day to get up and do all of these things to improve our businesses and to serve families and to serve nonprofit organizations and to, you know, create a bigger impact in our, you know, in our society, in our.

In our.

In our community locally, but also beyond and globally.

So, yeah, just take that one step, open your eyes, put your feet on the ground, take a shower, brush your teeth, and start dreaming.

Oh, thank you, Jed.

Thank you for coming on my show.

And with that, everybody, I'm going to let you go for today, but I will have contact information in the show notes about Bianco Productions and about a joyful blessing birth services.

And please, if you know anybody growing through something like this, please share.

Please share this podcast.

Okay, everyone, until next time, live courageously.