It's Labor Day weekend. Fireworks going off outside. I'm alone in my house, and instead of being at the shore, I went down to the basement and dragged up a giant box with one word written on it in permanent marker: COURT. Some people have a cooler. I have litigation.

Inside: 300 entries between two court cases — custody and support — and sixteen years of stories behind the paperwork. I sat down to tell you what happened after my mother said "he's going to torture you for the rest of your life," and I had no idea where to start. So instead, I cried. Loud. And then I told you the truth about where I am.

This is Chapter 8. Why the first story was easy to tell and everything after it comes in glimpses — a Facebook page my friends made about him, a co-parenting session I got kicked out of at nine months pregnant. All the years I spent trying to make peace with a man who only offered two options: be with him, or be his enemy. The dinners where I tried to be a co-parent and he tried to reopen applications for girlfriend. Polly Pocket and her little rolly cart, and why my six lawyers were never the problem. What all of this did to my friends and my little sister. And two people harassing me right now, at forty, making me ask: how am I back in this position?

I don't have it figured out. But I've got a whole box of what happened next.

New episodes every Monday.

Grab your daddy tissues. Till next time, my queens. 🖤

📖 New here? Daddy Tissues is a true story, told in order — start at I'm F*cking Doing This. Every episode, in order 👇🏻

⚠️ Contains strong language and discussion of family conflict, harassment, and abusive relationship dynamics.

📚 THE WHOLE STORY, IN ORDER

I'm Fucking Doing This → https://daddy-tissues.captivate.fm/episode/im-fcking-doing-this

The Roots → https://daddy-tissues.captivate.fm/episode/the-roots

The Boiling Frog → https://daddy-tissues.captivate.fm/episode/the-boiling-frog

Let's Get High → https://daddy-tissues.captivate.fm/episode/lets-get-high

White Trash → https://daddy-tissues.captivate.fm/episode/white-trash

Chapter 1: Who is Vicky? → https://daddy-tissues.captivate.fm/episode/chapter-1-who-is-vicky

Chapter 2: Get Out of Jail Free Card → https://daddy-tissues.captivate.fm/episode/chapter-2-get-out-of-jail-free-card

Chapter 3: Fan Mail → https://daddy-tissues.captivate.fm/episode/chapter-3-fan-mail

Chapter 4: The Battleground → https://daddy-tissues.captivate.fm/episode/chapter-4-the-battleground

The Wrong Bitch → https://daddy-tissues.captivate.fm/episode/the-wrong-bitch

Chapter 5: Car Insurance → https://daddy-tissues.captivate.fm/episode/chapter-5-car-insurance

Chapter 6: Don't Forget to Brush → https://daddy-tissues.captivate.fm/episode/chapter-6-dont-forget-to-brush

Chapter 7: He'll Get Over It → https://daddy-tissues.captivate.fm/episode/chapter-7-hell-get-over-it

Chapter 8: The Box → https://daddy-tissues.captivate.fm/episode/chapter-8-the-box

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Episode 15

Gina: It's Labor Day weekend there

are fireworks going off outside. I'm alone in my house,

and instead of being shore

I decided to go

into my

and drag up

a giant box

with

the

word court written real big on in permanent marker

Because

apparently this is what I'm doing for

entertainment now

some people have a cooler. I have litigation

We

went through the records

114

support entries 300

entries

between

both of them

And there are stories behind that paperwork

But

I'm looking at it thinking

Where fuck

do I

start?

I sit down to start this episode Then I started thinking

about all of those

years

and then my life

now

and now I'm looking around the house alone on Labor Day weekend And I just

I

don't think I've ever heard myself cry like that, like loud And I just couldn't stop

That's how my

day went Welcome back, my friends. I'm Gina Sullivan, and this is Daddy Tissues Okay, so

I was

supposed to sit down and write the next part

the story.

We got through

the hospital. We got

through the emergency

custody nightmare.

We got my son home.

And

where I told the neighbor I was never getting

back together with him

ever

again. My mother looked at me and said,

Gina,

he's going to torture you

for the rest of your life for not

getting back with

him."

And I said, "Mom, he'll get over it." I meant that.

I was done

with

the relationship.

I thought

we could start doing the other thing,

raising our

kid

separately,

having

our own lives,

being

able to get through a conversation without

another fucking disaster.

Then I

sat down to tell

what happened next, and I just stopped Because that first story

is

ingrained in

I can

close my eyes and

that

hospital, the hallway, the papers,

green rug,

5:00.

o'clock. I knew where to start.

But after that

There's so fucking

much

I get

these glimpses

friends

making

a Facebook page

about the neighbor anonymously with a big pile of cocaine the profile picture.

Or me

nine months pregnant, sitting in a co-parenting

session

And he won't stop flipping the fuck out.

This

woman

tells us we need to leave.

We literally

got kicked

out of co-parenting.

Like where the fuck

do I

even start?

I remember this

Then I remember something

else then one of my friends me after listening to an episode

and says,

Fuck, I

forgot

he did that."

And I'm

like,

Yeah, so did I.

How the fuck did we forget

that?"

But there was always something else,

And now I'm

trying to remember what happened before

what

and where it goes, and how much I

to explain before the next thing will even make sense

So I

thought about the box,

the giant

heavy-ass box i had taped up

I went down

there,

up,

carried it all the way upstairs and throw it Maybe this is why

I saved it

I had

wanted to burn it.

I had wanted to get rid of

of it but I didn't

I thought pulling it out

would help me

figure out what to tell you

next

And then I'm sitting there thinking about my whole fucking life I'm 40

Gina: I have absolutely no clue what I'm doing. none

me because before there was a

You grow

up, you get married, you have kids, you make more money, you build a life,

you do the

family thing.

That was the

plan,

and I kept thinking I was

going to get the part where I could enjoy it.

Once I was settled, was over, once fighting,

then

I could

just live

And now I'm alone

My

kids aren't here And I'm fucking sad.

I'm really

fucking sad Then

I

started arguing with myself about

whether I'm allowed to be sad healthy children, you have a beautiful home,

you have

amazing friends,

you have a family who has been there for you. And I know that. I know

I don't need somebody to point

out the good things to me. I'm not overlooking I love them and I'm thankful for them

Apparently

gratitude

doesn't shut your fucking

down I wish it had would be convenient

But I'm

tired

I'm so fucking tired of being

strong My house is a fucking mess.

There are

things I need to do, a lot of fucking

things And I'm spending my Saturday night trying to

20 years of shit into something that I can say in a microphone

podcast

Universe, God, whoever,

I

would really appreciate a slightly more detailed

business plan But

this is

what I keep coming back to, so I'm doing it When I started looking through all of this

I kept

thinking about how hard

I tried to make peace

That's all I

wanted I didn't need him to like my boyfriend. I didn't need us

to be best friends

I didn't need him to agree with every decision I made

fuck alone And I kept thinking

there had to be a way

say he wanted more time,

and I'd

think,

maybe

he just wants another day. Maybe we can work something out."

I

wanted to do the right thing. I wanted to be fair. I constantly going back and forth in my head what even

was one

less thing for us to fight about.

So

I'd agree

And then my

son would be with his grandmother

His

father wanted more time with him, but then his mother would be the one taking care of

My son loved his grandmother,

And she

loved him back. that not what upset me at all

were

fighting about his father getting more

and then his father wasn't

spending time with him I remember

the neighbor at one point moving

out with a

friend

and my son was still staying at

his grandmother's during his time

And I'm

standing here thinking,

what are

what are we doing

then? 'Cause if

that isn't what this is about,

then what the fuck are

we arguing about?

You wanted another day, I gave you another

day, and now you're

not even

there

And I

couldn't make sense of

that

that Because I kept approaching these

conversations like we

were trying a problem.

you

tell

me what you need,

we can work something out, then the problem is solved

except the problem never seemed

to stay solved

There was

always another one,

and I kept trying

I remember

going out to eat with the neighbor a couple of

times over the years. Just us.

because I was out of fucking ideas. thought we could maybe

just sit down

and two humans,

two parents who

cared about

Maybe

we could have a normal conversation and remember that

we had a little boy who deserved better than all this

fighting

And all that

fucking money

We could have been giving all of that our kid I mean a lot of fucking money

And instead, we were dishing it over to lawyers

Why? What could we have been doing for him with that

money?

His life,

his future, he needed, things he wanted to do.

So I'd be

sitting

trying to get along, and sometimes it would actually be good and he'd be nice,

and

this is

And then he would start

flirting

Like saying shit

his girlfriend and

saying

things that made me realize

he seemed

to be seeing an opportunity absolutely not there

And I'm like, "What the fuck is happening?

No,

this is not what we're

I'm being

nice to you.

I'm not,

I'm not, getting back

with you."

Can those

please be two different

things? Can I have a conversation with son's father without accidentally

reopening applications to

be his

fucking girlfriend? Because that position is fucking closed permanently

I just

he could be my worst fucking enemy where the third option? The one where we both loved our son and got on with our lives.

That was the option I wanted,

and I was desperate for it

somehow we'd end up back in same place

Then

there was the court part

From where

I stood,

when he didn't get what he wanted,

another

petition would

follow.

And there was Polly

Pocket

again

in her suit

and her little rolly cart I remember

sitting there

bullshit

she would say about me

Wanting to stand the fuck up and be like,

the fuck

are you talking about? Polly,

sit the fuck down

With your fucking bullshit.

Like I wanted to put Polly in my fucking pocket and shut her the fuck up is

what I wanted.

, Wanted to punch that fucking bitch

you don't fucking know me

You're listening to that asshole

I wanted to answer

I wanted

somebody to get up and explain that no

This

isn't what happened.

what actually happened was this

coming

I had about six

lawyers,

I think

They kept

changing

Honestly, I

don't even blame my lawyers because it, it was just fucking crazy. It really was. One of them became a judge

Actually

two of them did, somebody would recommend somebody to me. It just, I really didn't have a problem with

any of them the

lawyer wasn't the problem, Polly was the problem.

cause Polly, Polly

had been

involved since day

one

She

had the whole history.

She had the whole

story. his story obviously. And I kept feeling

lost

This is why eventually I

started being my own lawyer,

We'll get into those

situations gets them.

But

looking all the paperwork brought me back

to how much of my life I spent thinking,

What

else? What else do

want me to do?"

All those years

I trying to make peace

I kept

thinking there

was

else I could try,

something else I could say

There had to

be something that I could agree to Because

when I a problem,

I thought

there was always a way to fix

it

how the fuck

are you supposed to make it happen

all by yourself?

I couldn't,

and I didn't understand that

then

I thought I had

just

not figured it out

yet.

Looking back I was

chasing something that was never gonna happen,

ever

But I just kept on chasing

for

years

I

still

to work.

my

child. still wanted to see my friends, a relationship, a home.

I

did not wake up in the morning hoping to spend the day discussing

the fucking

fucking life

and people who

loved me they were in it

too My friends hated how he

treated me,

but it

wasn't just what he did to He fought with them too. said nasty things to them, and

I got in a big fight with my friends about it

Because they were

pissed

I get it

Because from

their side, it wasn't

just,

Why are you

with somebody who treats you like shit?"

It was also, "He's treating

us like shit too.

Why are you going back to somebody who is

doing this

to all of

us?"

and I understood

why they were angry,

I did.

But

It was impossible

So

now I'm

upset that my friends are upset. I'm trying to keep

things calm with him.

he's fighting with them, and I'm in middle thinking,

"Can everybody

just

please stop?"

.

I didn't

wanna lose my friends.

I didn't wanna be fighting with my

son's father.

I wanted my people.

I wanted my child to be okay, and My friends stayed They're

still my best friends today

They have

been here

through

all of it.

My little sister became

so

protective of me,

family are

still trying to protect me I hear

them

always getting

nervous when I'm telling them things

Like, Gina, watch

what you say," or, "Stop, you know what they're gonna think," or, "People are gonna judge you."

I

hear them

They're worried. They watched what happened before.

They don't wanna watch

something happen again and now they're

listening to this podcast and calling

me,

oh my God, we all went through that with you." They did. It affected the people I love, and that is part of what

I still carry.

Because when somebody I love was

upset because of

something involving him,

sometimes

my brain went,

You brought this into

Make sure your son doesn't feel any of it,

And somewhere

in there, go to work and pay your fucking bills. When I'm really overwhelmed,

go all

the

way

back 17, to that

night at the shore,

and I

start blaming myself for everything came afterward I know I didn't agree to all this,

but I

felt responsible

fixing it, and I didn't know how

And right now as we speak, I have two separate people

who won't leave me the fuck

alone.

And I keep

feeling like I really need to do something,

like

legally.

Two people

have nothing to do with the story I'm

taking me to court, and I'm sitting here thinking, "How am I back in this position?"

I'm trying

to have some fucking

peace,

and sometimes feels like

the second

I stop arguing, something happens that I have to

respond to.

When it involved my

kid, I couldn't just

ignore it.

That's

the feeling that came back when I opened

this box

trying to tell you what happened back then, and meanwhile, there's more shit happening

now.

That story's gonna have

get in line because I haven't even

gotten through this fucking box

yet I don't have it figured out.

Everybody's just trying to figure it

out. All I

everybody.

That's

me.

And then I find myself being accused of

having some

other reason

for it, I'm like,

"What? I was just trying to fucking help."

It feels like

somebody's looking for a hidden motive when I'm just being myself

And

I'm sick explaining

it.

I don't know why I keep ending up feeling like this. That's what I'm trying to figure out.

I'm noticing something that feels familiar, and I'm

asking why.

I don't have the answer, but I don't give a fuck anymore about trying to convince everybody who I am. just wanna be myself.

And right now, being

myself is sitting here with this fucking box, trying to tell you my story,

getting overwhelmed,

and saying

what's actually going through my head. thats where

I am today

part of me doesn't even wanna give the

neighbor this much

attention. He doesn't fucking deserve it. But it is what it is. This was my life, and it really destroyed me,

and I wanna get it out

That's

part of what this podcast

is for

me.

It feels like

therapy sometimes,

saying this stuff

loud,

remembering

things I haven't thought about in years,

and now I'm fucking spilling it

all on a podcast.

I

don't know I'm doing, but I'm doing

it

because I need to move on with my

life, and this how I'm trying to do that.

I have

to finish telling

this.

There

are other stories in between

because I was living

my life when this all happening, and those are all part of it

get through what happened with the neighbor. Tell it, get it all out, and be

fucking done with it. That's I want.

And hopefully while doing this, I can fucking help somebody else,

cause

don't want anybody to have to go through this.

I don't wish this on

anybody

I went downstairs for a box and somehow ended up thinking about my

entire fucking life

I thought the first story was the hard one to tell. That one I could remember.

This

is where I'm standing in front of years of paperwork going,

Where the fuck do I start?"

300 entries

between custody and support

And in between all of that, I was raising my

son, working, having

There's a

lot I haven't told you, and I'm gonna tell it,

and

I wanna get it out.

finish the story. But

tonight, I needed to tell you what happened when I tried mother said, he's going to torture you for the rest of your life."

Well,

I got a whole box

of what happened next

Grab your daddy tissues

And let's

go through this fucking box Till next time, my Queens