Presence, Not Fixing: Four Small Actions for Your LGBTQ Kid's Dating Life
Episode 318 •
25th September 2026 • More Human. More Kind. | Parenting LGBTQ Kids, Unlearning Fear, Becoming More Human • Heather Hester | Advocate for Parents of LGBTQ Teens
What do you actually say when your kid is hurting, and how do you know something's wrong before they tell you?
This is the Friday follow-up to Tuesday's episode on queer dating and breakups. Heather offers four small actions split between the before-it-happens world of prevention and awareness and the it's-already-happening world of simply showing up. The facts equip you, but they aren't what your kid actually needs from you in the moment.
In this episode you'll learn how to:
Open the door to a relationship conversation by asking how it feels instead of how it's going
Trust your gut and gently name a red flag, even when you're afraid of overstepping
Have one line ready for the moment you hope never comes, starting with belief before a single follow-up question
Press play for four small ways to stay present for your kid, before and after heartbreak.
Hi, I’m Heather Hester, and I’m so glad you’re here!
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This is a place to feel messy while you're figuring it out.
At the heart of my work is a deep commitment to compassion, authenticity, and transformative allyship, especially for those navigating the complexities of parenting LGBTQ kids. Through this podcast, speaking, my writing, and the spaces I create, I help people unlearn bias, embrace their full humanity, and grow their capacity for courageous connection.
For parents, allies, and those pioneering a way to lead with love and kindness, I’m here with true, messy, and heartwarming stories, real tools, and grounding support to help you move from fear to fierce, informed action.
Whether you’re listening in, working with me directly, or quietly taking it all in, I see you. And I’m so glad you’re on this journey with me.
More Human. More Kind. formerly Just Breathe: Parenting Your LGBTQ Teen is a safe and supportive podcast in a heartfelt and empowering space where a mom and advocate offers the wisdom of lived experience and practical guidance and education to parents and allies, teaching empathy, kindness, love, and strong boundaries while supporting LGBTQ teens and the diverse LGBTQ community, including gay, lesbian, bisexual, trans, transgender, and queer individuals, through conversations about mental health, grief, gender identity, sexual orientation, human rights, social justice, parenting, parent support, and meaningful LGBTQ allyship and allyship in action.
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Transcripts
Speaker A:
In today's episode, we're going to get specific about 4 small actions you can take to help your LGBTQ kid through dating and breakups.
Speaker B:
Welcome to More Human, More Kind, the podcast for parents of LGBTQ kids and anyone trying to stay human in a world that keeps hardening.
Speaker B:
Heather I'm Heather Hester, and here we talk about fear, belonging, boundaries, courage, love, and what it means to protect what matters without losing yourself in the process.
Speaker B:
Your child doesn't just need a parent who's informed.
Speaker B:
They need a parent who is grounded and strong.
Speaker B:
Let's take a breath and let's begin.
Speaker A:
Welcome to More Human More Kind.
Speaker A:
I'm Heather Hester.
Speaker A:
On Tuesday, I told you about both of my girls going through breakups within a month of each other earlier this year.
Speaker A:
And we also talked about the stereotypes, the statistics, and the 17 couple level stressors that most parents never hear about.
Speaker A:
I also answered my own human moment questions again on Tuesday, and one of the answers actually surprised me when I said it out loud and it was that with grace.
Speaker A:
I realized how much I didn't know and that in the middle of a breakup was not the time to go looking for it.
Speaker A:
If you haven't listened to Tuesday's episode, go back and start there because this episode builds on top of that one.
Speaker A:
Before I get into the actions for this week, I want to just ponder something for a moment.
Speaker A:
When I answered, how did you personally learn to sit with a kid's heartbreak without trying to fix it?
Speaker A:
In Tuesday's episode, my answer was the same across all four of my kids.
Speaker A:
Listen, be present, offer validation, and be a safe, trustworthy place to feel all of it.
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Not one word of that answer was information.
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It was intuition, love and wisdom.
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Most of Tuesday's episode was information, right?
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The stereotypes to debunk, statistics to learn to know, and resources to have ready.
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And all of that information does matter.
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And when mixed with life experience, it becomes wisdom over time.
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And that is what allows me to stay present now.
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It allows me to be available and aware when my kids need me most.
Speaker A:
That's the tension this whole month of episodes keeps circling back to the facts equip you, but they aren't what your kid actually needs from you in the moment.
Speaker A:
And that is the capacity that I'm helping you grow today.
Speaker A:
I want to offer you four tiny actions to live in the before it happens world of prevention and awareness and two live in the its already happening world of showing up.
Speaker A:
So your word of the week this week is presence.
Speaker A:
This is the word for the moment your kid is actually in front of you hurting.
Speaker A:
Presence means remaining available and aware without trying to solve, explain, or move them along faster than they're ready to move.
Speaker A:
It means sticking right there with your kid when one or both of you don't know what to say or what to do next, or how to move through that discomfort.
Speaker A:
It's the word for every single one of my four kids, every single time.
Speaker A:
Regardless of what the specific heartbreak was about, your tiny action for this week is, for before it happens how to open a door to a Relationship conversation without prying I want you to think about asking this exact question about a relationship your kid is currently in.
Speaker A:
Here's the question.
Speaker A:
How does this relationship feel to be in?
Speaker A:
Not what do you two do together?
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Or how's it going?
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In this specific instance, you are asking for feelings, not facts.
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Practice it.
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Practice asking it in a tone that leaves room for the I don't want to talk about this yet.
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And leaves room for that in a way of it being a completely acceptable answer from your child.
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The research behind this found that voluntary disclosure, not surveillance and not direct questioning, is is what actually predicts you knowing what's going on in your kid's life.
Speaker A:
And disclosure only flows toward parents who feel safe to volunteer information to, not parents who demand it.
Speaker A:
Your micro rebellion for this week is for red flag awareness, specifically resisting the urge to stay quiet about something you've noticed because you're afraid of overstepping.
Speaker A:
And I know this is a fine line, but if you've noticed your kid pulling away from one of their friend groups or you've overheard something that sounds like a partner using quote unquote outing as leverage, even jokingly.
Speaker A:
Don't let the fear of prying win.
Speaker A:
Listen to your gut.
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Name it once, just gently to your child.
Speaker A:
I noticed you haven't mentioned a particular friend or a particular friend group in a while.
Speaker A:
I just want to check that it's not connected to anything with the name of the partner.
Speaker A:
Outing or threatening to out a partner is the single most reported coercive control tactic in LGBTQ relationship research, and it's found in nearly 74% of studies reviewed.
Speaker A:
This isn't an overreaction.
Speaker A:
It's exactly the pattern the research says to watch for, and it's an instance where it's better to be wrong than silent.
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Your one line to steal this week is for the moment you hope never comes, but you need to have ready anyway.
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Your kid telling you that a partner hurt them and all you need to say is I believe you.
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I see your pain and I will do whatever is needed to help you find support and healing.
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Use it exactly like that, in that order before you ask a single follow up question.
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Belief comes first.
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Facts and next steps can wait 30 seconds each week I close the Butterfly Effect episode by reading a listener review.
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I am so grateful when people take the time to share their thoughts about the show and I really love using this space to give people a shout out.
Speaker A:
Today's review is from Proud Father and Ally and they say ideal for parents, allies and educators.
Speaker A:
5 Stars it if you are looking to better support your LGBTQ teen and be a better ally, then More Human, More Kind, hosted by Heather Hester, is the perfect solution.
Speaker A:
This podcast is filled with real stories, expert advice and mindset shifts and it is truly needed now more than ever.
Speaker A:
Thank you.
Speaker A:
Thank you so much for taking the time.
Speaker A:
Proud Father and Ally.
Speaker A:
I am really grateful for your kind words and for helping the show find other people.
Speaker A:
My goal is to get to 100 reviews by the end of this year and here's why that matters to me.
Speaker A:
The more people who can find this podcast, the more parents have real information when they need it most.
Speaker A:
And one of the best ways to help someone find it is by leaving a five star rating and review wherever you find your podcasts.
Speaker A:
A new episode is coming next Tuesday.
Speaker A:
Until then, keep choosing to be a little more human and a little more kind.
