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Do you find as you get older, things are a little bit less flexible for you? Maybe in your mind, maybe in your body? Today is called the art of flexibility, and it's our intention that it frees up your body and mind to be able to take more on in your life, because when you're flexible, you can do a lot more. Welcome to the five year you podcast, a show dedicated to helping you become the best version of yourself one day at a time. I'm Andrew.
::And I'm Cat. And we promise to keep it raw, real and relatable.
::Are you ready to grow? Cat, how are you doing?
::I'm doing great. How are you?
::I'm doing really good. You brought this topic up yesterday, and I've been thinking about it a lot. You are extremely flexible because you just moved states and I flew down to give you a hand. Moving?
::Yeah. Thank you again, by the way.
::You're very welcome. Very happy I could do it. And as we were driving from state to state, I said to you, like, you are ridiculously calm for moving because you moved from one place to another, but you also moved into a place that you had never actually seen in real life.
::That's true.
::Which probably would have broke me in so many ways, having not done that. But you were so calm and so grounded in everything. Kathryn, what's your secret?
::Well, I had a good moving buddy, first of all, and you were a very pleasant mover. You don't get stressed, you don't get mad, you don't yell, you don't do anything. You just peacefully help. So I really appreciate your help. I have moved a lot in my time, and I was reflecting on, you know, why wasn't I freaking out? Why didn't I go and view apartments in person? Like, I just went sight unseen. And, you know, of course I did my research. I love my research. I walked around on Google Maps. Like, I got familiar with the area. I made sure that I had things in place. But, like, I think I just have this sense of knowing everything is going to be okay because I can handle challenging things. And I don't think you. You don't get that way easily, unfortunately. You have to, like, go through stuff to have the confidence in yourself that you can handle a lot of different variables.
::That's a really good point. I think when we look at things like that, the more junk you go through, the more heavy things you do, the easier, the more flexible you can become. It's kind of like stretching, right? The more you push yourself over time, the easier it is, says the man that's a. Still can't touch his toes. After trying to do that for a year, what would you say is a key thing for people to. So people are going to be looking, listening to this, and they're going to be okay, well, I want to be more flexible. What would be your first piece of advice for them when it comes to being more flexible in their lives?
::We have to think of what the opposite of flexible is, right? Like, the opposite of flexible is controlling, and all of it's like a human condition. Like, we want to control our outcomes. And I think that the more that you let go, the more you open yourself up to any possibility. I knew that if I didn't like the place that I was in, then I could move a year later. I knew that for about a year, I could pretty much handle stuff going wrong in the apartment, maybe a neighbor that wasn't okay. I knew I had, you know, once you think through different things, I knew I had ways out of it. And we've said this so many times in podcast episodes, like, you can always make another choice. You know, a lot of us think that our choices are permanent. You know, I'm going to do this cross country move, and that's it. And what if I hate my job, and what if my family hates the town? And, like, what if I ruin everything? And it's like, well, then you would just make another choice. You know, I think we sort of panic, and we think of, like, the worst possible scenarios. That's for big decisions, but even for little decisions, it's just about learning how to manage your emotions and disappointment, hoping to go to a certain restaurant and then finding out that they had a fire in the kitchen the day before, and they're closed for a month. And, oh, you were so looking forward to that because you're going on vacation and that's the one place you wanted to go. And it's sort of like, yeah, you're allowed to feel that disappointment. Those feelings are valid, but by remaining flexible, it's like, well, what about this little place next door? And then maybe it's like the best burger you've ever had in your life. And then everything happens for you. And when different things happen or quote unquote, go wrong, it sort of opens you up to a new reality. And so I think it's about, you know, mentally being open to whatever comes and trying to remain flexible. And think of it in a way, like, gee, I wonder why this is happening. I wonder what's just around the corner I like that.
::I think that's something I know I've been trying to adapt more is like, when things don't go the quote unquote planned way. I am really trying to be that eternal optimist that's like, ooh, I wonder what's going to happen instead. You know, where that dread that comes in, which is way more what I've been programmed my whole life, is to be feeling like, oh, God, this didn't work. Why doesn't it work out out for me? Which I don't think of too often, but, you know, I had a moment like that this week. We can get into at some point if we want to, but for me, it's, it does take, I think you got to feel that feeling of disappointment and then say, okay, what's the good thing? And sometimes I've had the, I've had the restaurant situation where you, like, you literally are on a trip and this is like your end night, and you're like, okay, we're going to go here, and it's going to be great. And chick fil a is closed on Sundays, so. So, yeah, we gotta figure out the best thing.
::That's our favorite place.
::We're gonna go figure out big spender over here, folks. But you have those times where you're like, oh, right, it's not what I planned. What does this mean? And sometimes you gotta switch fast, and sometimes it's a minor thing, but in allowing that flexibility to come in, you can definitely see bigger and better things. And when you have that faith that the best thing is happening for you, even if it may not be the thing you wanted, in that moment when you can embrace that, we can go like, okay, universe, let's see what you got. I think better things come.
::Yeah, well, I was just kind of laughing, thinking about, like, the ultimate experience that forces you to be more flexible is having children, you know, especially, like, toddlers, you know, and it's like, I feel like we get wrapped up in the idea and let's say you're like, have these big high hopes. And so many parents have experienced this, taking little ones to, like, Disney world or amusement park, and you're like, this is gonna be the best family day. And then, of course, kids get wiped out or, like, they get a massive nosebleed that won't stop. And they've got, like, they've got, like, paper towels up their nose for half the trip. And in most of your pictures, you know, it just, you can plan as a parent, you can bring all the snacks you can bring a change of clothes, you can make sure they get naps, you can do everything you want to do. And, like, the reality is, like, completely out of your control. And all we can control is, like, how we roll with it. You know, we could be disappointed and be like, these kids had tantrums and they ruined our trip. Or you can just go into it with the mindset of, I'm having this experience. Like, I paid a lot for this experience as a family. I know my reality. I know that insert whatever trip is, they gotta magically make a three year old not tired at 03:00 you know, or whatever, and just saying, you know, if that happens and we've got to go back to the hotel and sleep, you know, they can take a three hour nap when we miss a chunk of the parks, fine. But guess what? Now they're awake for fireworks or whatever it is. Being flexible is something that, like, we always hope our kids will be like, but then we have to be the ones to set that example and sort of embody it ourselves, too.
::That is an awesome example. And folks, it, for all of you that are parents out there, if you want to suffer the extreme experience of the joys of parenthood, go to Disney World and just people watch. You don't even have to bring your kids there. You can just go, people watch.
::People watch. Like all the parents that tried to push to the fireworks, man, everyone will be flopping around.
::Yeah, you gotta take that midday nap. That is such a great example of flexibility because I went through that, too with my kids. We were there, were there in the Florida heat in August. And, you know, being canadian, we literally thought we were in the ballast of hell some of those days because it was so hot. You see that with parents at the park, they are dragging their kids. They have got their plan and they are going to stick to it, and it just makes everybody else miserable, including the parents or whoever is forcing the agenda at that point. So when you're forcing your agenda, what you're basically saying is, my way is best, and I'm not going to let anything else affect that. What we're saying is when you're flexible and you come in, you can go, okay, yes, you guys are tired. Yes, I really want to dole whip right now, but we're going to go to back to the place and sleep because it just makes sense. And yeah, you get to see the fireworks, but if you never planned on that break, you know, the universe has better plans for you, I guess is what I'm trying to say, embrace it, come at it with some curiosity. It's a really good way of reframing the disappointments into these cool things. But what else would you give people as little ways? Maybe we can give some tips on being flexible. Like, in your day to day life, what do you do to be flexible?
::I mean, for me, I always try to remain open to, like, scheduling issues that can come up. And there's a lot of different. Even today, like, we wanted to record at nine. Different things happened. The elevator in my building wasn't working. I had to, like, go up and down the stairs three times to bring groceries up. This is our first time recording for me in a new place. So, tech issues. So we're, like, 50 minutes behind what we wanted to do, and neither one of us is mad, and we're both just like, yeah, it happens. And I could beat myself up and I could say, like, oh, I should have, like, set up my lights last night, or I should have seen where the computer would be and all this stuff, but, like, it doesn't help. And I'm very big on being on time. I'm respecting other people's time, but when it comes to, like, my own time and, like, scheduling with you and things like that, I just try to remain open to the possibilities. There are a lot of days where I get tired, as, you know, like, I have some autoimmune disorders, and sometimes it can give me, like, really low energy. I've learned that it's okay for me to take, like, a 30 minutes, recharge battery, recharge in the afternoon if I need to. Even if my kids are here, they don't mind playing other iPads for 30 minutes, and it helps a lot. So I try to, you know, respect other people's times and respect schedules. But I also like when it comes to myself, I try to give myself a little bit of leeway and be kind to myself throughout the day.
::Self kindness is a really big form of allowing more flexibility into your life. Thank you for sharing that, too. I know it's hard because with the tech issues, for example, it's like we were both having them, and I know in the past, oh, my God, we get frustrated, and it's.
::I have, like, gotten so frustrated in the past.
::Yeah. But we're both very sensitive people. So when I get frustrated with my computer, you kind of think that maybe it's directed to you, but it's not. It's just like, it's a frustration energy bursting out of me, going, like, it's not doing the thing I need to do and vice versa.
::But that's why we talk about things and that's why, you know, we come today, we have tech issues. Okay, well, the last time when Kat got frustrated or I got frustrated, it had super bad energy. So now we're just like, you know, we've been here, we've done this rodeo before. We know it takes a little bit of time if we just stay chill and we do our things and we'll have good energy going into the podcast.
::Yeah, exactly. One of the things I've been thinking about, because my daughter is getting. She's going into her last year of high school, and, yeah, it's crazy. Can't believe it because I have not aged the 17 years in my mind, so. But she's going, you know, she's talking about going away. And in Canada, you don't necessarily go away as much as it sounds like you do in the States. I was just kind of trying to think of ways to help her be more flexible because moving, as we now know, is flexibility will help you with it. So I was just trying to think, like, there's this art of flexibility where you want to make yourself stretch every day in little ways. It doesn't have to be these huge things. So for me, it's like, a lot of times I won't go into, like, mom and pop local shops. Cause I'm like, well, I don't go into that one. I'll just go to the one that I'm familiar with. Right. Cause that familiarity is really. What is the opposite of flexibility is like, this is the grocery store I always go to. This is the thing I always go to. This is the rope.
::Cause you love getting stressed out at Costco. That's your favorite thing, is to go into the most overwhelming place on earth.
::Yeah. So giving yourself that daily little thing to be flexible with, whether it's just like, literally stretching so you're more flexible or just, you know, mixing things up a little bit so your brain kind of goes, oh, we can still handle this. If it's this way, we can still handle that. And the more you kind of get comfortable with flexibility, with being flexible, with doing all these things, the more you can handle the bigger things when they come up. Because there's a vast difference between moving and going to a different movie theater or, you know, like, getting a different type of drink that you normally get at a movie or something like that, versus moving. But the mindset of that is very similar. It's, do I do what's familiar or do I stretch? And there's nothing wrong with familiar. But when you start going down that neural pathway of familiarity over and over and over again, suddenly the new way, it's just. It feels like a much higher wall to climb, and then that just makes it harder.
::Yeah. And I think that's why we're calling it the art of flexibility, because we're not saying, throw all the rules out the window and just be this free spirit and, like, do whatever you want every day. And we're not saying, you know, be so stringent that, you know, if your grandma's in town, you're so stuck to your schedule that, like, you can't go see your grandma, you know, like, we are saying that, be a little bit open to all possibilities because you don't want to be the friend that's always late or always rescheduling because that's not respectful to your friends. But we're talking about being flexible. Like, if a place is closed, if, you know, there's a bunch of traffic, is this just trying to work on having those coping skills? And we did a whole podcast episode on coping skills, like the grocery order. Like, I just had a grocery order and it was missing a couple things. Annoying. But I was like, meh. You know, like, it's not the biggest thing in the world. Like, I'm not gonna get mad and, like, do an angry call to Walmart cause they forgot one pack of macaroni and cheese, you know, but some people do, you know, and that's just, like, a very high stress way to live. So what we're asking you to do is sort of, like, use this as a conversation. And we always say awareness is the very first step. Sort of ask yourself and process on, like, where do I rank myself on a one to ten flexibility scale? Could I use a little bit more calm and a little bit more, like, interest and adventure in my life? And what are some ways I can practice doing that?
::Right. There's two things that came up to my mind. The first thing is, the more flexible you are, the more you open up possibilities for better things. When you're trying to become the best version of yourself in the next five years, as we coach and help people with, you're going to have to change. So if you're a really silly example, but if you eat junk food every day and you don't like your body and you're overweight and you're not willing to change your diet habits or your sleep or anything around your physical being, nothing is going to change doesn't mean you have to change everything, but you got to be a little more flexible in that mindset if you're wanting to grow into the person you want to be. With the macaroni and cheese thing, I think it was t harv eker. In his book Millionaire Mind, he talks about, like, what level you're at. So let's just give it a scale of one to ten. Now, if you're a two and a three problem comes in, like, not having all your macaroni and cheese, that is going to seem like a earth shattering problem. When you're a two, you cannot fathom a ten. Like, it's just, it will wreck you. So your job in this is to kind of go, you know, how do I build myself up to go from a one, a two, a five to 8910? It's not about getting it perfect. It never is. But it's knowing that, like, does the cancellation of a friend today, does that, like, ruin you or does it, like, spiral your day? Because if that does, that might be something you want to work on. For instance, like, I have made and canceled three plans today, and it's only, like, 10:00 and it's just because the way it's.
::And it's normally it's a busy, like, end of the year, it's in the.
::Year stuff, and everybody's busy. And at no point have I had any kind of resentment or ill feelings, and I hope nobody's had that towards me, but it's just being grateful that I have people that are flexible and that I'm able to be flexible, too, because otherwise, you know, I would, a version of me, a very, very. One version of me would go sit in the corner and just resent the world. I can't believe this person canceled. I can't believe this is going. This. Nothing's going my way, but a higher level person in this will come and go. I wonder what this means for me. I wonder what I'm going to do with the free time. I wonder. Yeah, I wonder what happens.
::Yeah.
::Yeah. Why did this happen? And that's a very, very different attitude and approach to life.
::I agree with you, and we all know that life has a tendency to throw curveballs and throw lessons. And there have been many times in my life where I've had no choice but to be flexible. I've had to, like, go 180 degrees. Right. Like, when you practice flexibility and you're used to kind of rolling with the punches and you sort of have these coping skills in place and you start small. When the really big things happen in life, you will have exercised that muscle. Over time, it's far more difficult to, like, have a big event happen, and you're kind of, like, forced to be flexible. You're forced to change plans. You're forced to move quickly. All kinds of things come into place. It can be really challenging for someone who is extremely, like, stringent or has a more controlling personality. It can really throw someone like that into a spiral when they're used to, like, tightly controlling everything. And so what we're saying is, go ahead and practice. Practice being a little bit more easygoing, more peaceful, so that when life inevitably throws a few surprises into the mixed, you already have practice, and it's not as big of a hit as it would be. Just like, this moving thing. Like, I told you, I was like, this is not my first rodeo. This is not my first time moving into a place sight unseen. This is, like, my millionth move and, like, my fifth state. And, you know, I have practice with this. And so to me, it's more of a self confidence thing. It's like, I know myself. I know what I need. I know that if I have Internet and, like, a rotisserie chicken, like, I'll make up for a few days, you know? You know, because I'm kind of low maintenance like that. But, you know, but if I was like, oh, no. Like, I. They don't have this specific grocery store that I like to go to that has this specific thing, and, like, I'm so mad about it because this is what I eat on Wednesdays. And, like, I'm just not like that. But you can see how that'd be so frustrating to someone who's, like, so used to their routine and so regimented. So, yeah, there's a balance. It's an art. But that is sort of what inspired this combo today, for sure.
::Yeah, I like that. And I think that's a good thing for kids, too. Cause, like, I know one of the things we talked about on an earlier show was your meal plan for the school year, which, yes, that's the perfect.
::Example of scheduled but flexible. It's the perfect mix.
::Yeah. Cause I think you have breakfast for supper one day, and, like, sometimes breakfast can be, uh, you know, eggs and a whole bunch of different things, and other times you're rushed and, like, breakfast is a smoothie, because that's the, you know.
::Well, it's called wake up Wednesday, Andrew, so you need to get your terminology right. But, yeah, it's, uh, you know, macaroni. Monday, taco Tuesday, wake up Wednesday, tropical Thursday and fun Friday. And I don't feed my kids on the weekends. That's a joke. That's a joke, everyone. Geez. But, yeah, it's exactly, you know, like you said, people are going home, going.
::No need to feed kids on weekends. This is amazing.
::I just be more flexible. Yeah. You say wake up Wednesday, and it's like, perfect example. It is slightly scheduled. You know, that it's going to be breakfasty, but it's not like you must make eggs Benedict and have these four ingredients. It's like, what do we have? We have some frozen pancakes, we have some eggs, we have some this, we have some that, you know, and it's structured but flowing.
::Ooh, I like that. That's a good expression. Structured but flowing.
::Thank you.
::So somebody's listening to this right now, and they're like, I can see how, where I'm probably a little bit inflexible, I can see where I can be more flexible. Like maybe when somebody gets the name of the breakfast Wednesday name, what advice do you want to give the listener right now? Who is kind of going, okay, what do I do now? What do I do with this?
::Yeah, I think that's where the coping skills kick in. Right. The very first thing is to train yourself to pause and think. It's like when something kind of a bummer happens or something you weren't expected or a quick change in plans, you just want to pause and think, okay, what do I need to do next? Versus that instant reaction of, like, like, so frustrated, which changes your vibration, changes your mood for you could change your mood for the rest of the day. And so I think the very first step is to pause when the unexpected happens. Ask yourself, like, what good can come of this? Like, where could this lead you? And again, I liked your suggestion of just sort of practicing being flexible, like trying a new restaurant, trying a different place to work out, and just sort of exercising that muscle. Again, we don't have all the answers here. We're just sharing some things that have helped us to live a little bit more peaceful, calmer, and happier lives.
::I think if I was to sum up what I'm going to try to do and be more flexible, I'm going to do my best to switch from an, uh, to, uh, ooh, what's, what's going to happen next? And I think because that it's the same event. It's just your reaction to it and how you adapt to it. Just having that, like, excitement about what could this possibly be on a more flexible basis? I'm not going to say ongoing, because I got to be flexible with this. I think as you start to do this stuff, you know, you start to really enjoy the adventure of life, rather than feeling that life has to be this mundane thing that goes over and over again, and, you know, the slightest thing that trips you up can make you spiral. I think a good piece of advice for myself and for maybe for you listening is to go from an, uh. To an ooh. And that's gonna be a really bad sound bite somewhere. I know it. But here we are, trying to put.
::That over and over again. I'm gonna make it, like, into a rapid.
::Wait, is that your ringtone? Yep. Okay.
::Yeah, exactly. All right, well, we got a few minutes left, and how do we like to end every episode?
::We like to end it with a glimmer. So glimmers are these little things that make us happy and smile can be something as small as a. As finding a penny, or it can be as large as, you know, buying a new house or winning the lottery, which has not happened to me yet. So, kat, what's your glimmer?
::My glimmer is this new place, this new apartment. Like we said in the episode, I booked it sight unseen. Sign the lee. Sight unseen. I did ask them for, like, measurements and stuff, and they didn't give it to me, but. So it was sort of a little bit of a surprise, and I'm really happy with it. Like, I'm really happy with the layout of it. It's in a really cute town, which I knew when I signed the lease, but it has a lot more space and storage than I expected for an apartment. So I got rid of a ton of stuff, thinking I was downsizing into, like, this tiny thing, but I'm really enjoying it so far. It's been about a week, but things are going good.
::It's an amazing place. I really, really like it. I was very impressed when we started moving into it. Like, wow, that's pretty awesome.
::Yeah, feels good. How about you?
::You know, it's the end of school as we record this, and my glimmer is just that. It's nice out. It's just life is in a good place right now. The last episode we recorded was all about coming off antidepressants and stuff like that. From what I can tell, I'm completely off, and I just feel like life is just feeling really good these days, and I'm really, really happy about that. So it's not a specific thing thanks. I just feel really good in general.
::So it's nice, good to acknowledge when the good is here. So I love that for you, it is.
::Acknowledging it usually brings more of it. So I'm very excited about that. Well, thank you very much for listening, and as always, we'll see you next time.
::Hey guys, quick disclaimer, we're podcasters on the Internet. If you need to seek professional help, please go see your healthcare professional. Oh, and don't forget, if you want to get that advice from your future self, head on over to fiveyearyou.com future to get signed up.
::We're rooting for.
