Linda Beard will discuss one of the vital maintenance boundaries to sustain the benefits of living a "Bold Enough" life. She will give examples and tips on what to do in the workplace and in romantic relationships, which often require more boldness to ask the necessary questions.

Are you "Bold Enough" to ask questions and not fear the answers?

Copyright 2024 Linda Beard

Linda Beard: Welcome, welcome, welcome. It's Linda Beard, your host of Bold Enough and the upcoming book Bold Enough. I am so excited. That book will be coming out on February 14, so look for more information to be posted out there on social media. How are you doing? How are you doing? Really well. Thanks, um, so much for allowing me to come into your world, because I know that you have a lot of options, but I am hoping that each and every show that you are getting more and more and more encouraged to be bold enough to be authentically you. Today I'm going to talk about being bold enough to ask. So in my book, there are the key foundational things that you must do to begin and to hold on to that bold enough life that you now have decided to do, to be, to want. And then there's a portion of the book that has some maintenance things that you have to do on a regular daily basis, and it kind of cautions you about these things. And one of those maintenance to do of being bold enough is being bold enough to ask. And I will share with you that I had so much mental distress or baggage that was going on in my mind that it was a warfare, because sometimes I would be assuming I had the answers to something, and I was too afraid to ask the questions to make sure that I was aligned, uh, with the other person. I was just too fearful to ask because I feared the truth. I feared the truth. So that created this warfare, this constant. Is this true? What's happening? Or am I just going to go along with what I believe versus asking the question? Now, this question could be in the workplace. I don't want to ask because I don't want to feel embarrassed by asking the question. It could be I don't want to ask because I am fearful that I may lose my job. Some of you out there may be in a position where you don't even know where you stand in your current employment, and you're just going through a lot of mental distress waiting for someone to come to you to give you some answers. So until then, you've got all of these thoughts that's stressing you out in your head, wanted to know if you have a job, don't have a job, whether you're going to get promoted, not get promoted. If someone likes your work, they don't like your work. You're probably right there right now saying, oh, she's so right. But I don't want to ask because you're afraid to get the truth. You're afraid that it's going to cause you to have to take some type of necessary bold action. I have been there. Sometimes it's a relationship, you know, that that relationship, romantic relationship that you're involved in is starting to be different, and your mind is starting to go downhill. But in your mind, you're thinking, oh, uh, it's going to be okay, or I just don't want to know the reason why. Because you are afraid of losing perhaps that relationship. And it may not be bad when we ask a question. So I am going to share with you that I have been afraid to ask. It wasn't until I went through the healing process that I started loving myself first that I really realized my value. Once I realized my value, the fear began to subside. And I became much bolder at making sure that when I'm interacting with someone in conversations, if I don't understand, I ask a question. I ask a question to clarify, to bring alignment to what the conversation is all about. I no longer put it off because I don't want my mind in a state of distress, stress warfare. This happens on a daily basis when we are wondering what the reality really is. So I'm not fearing any longer. I'm not fearing the outcome of being able to ask the question, whatever that question is, whatever setting that is in family, work, relationships. And when I speak of relationships, not only romantic relationships, but friendships. So if you have situations in your life right now and you have resolved in your mind, I'm not going to ask the question, I'm just going to let it roll and see what happens. You are too important. You are too valuable. You've got a whole future ahead of you. But we don't know how long that future is, right? Because tomorrow's not promised. So live your best life now, free, without the unnecessary stress. We have control over more than we think that we do. So ask the question. Be bold enough to ask the question. Now let me give you some tips on what you need to do to, uh, get to the point where you can ask those questions or how do you ask the questions? Where do you start? So when you start asking a question, you want to make absolutely sure that you are not coming across defensive. Because when we come across defensive when we're asking a question automatically, the person on the other side is not going to feel really good about answering your question. They may just say, uh, I don't want to answer it. They may become agitated or they simply are not going to tell you the truth. When you ask a question in a way that is clarifying, that gives you the better opportunity to be able to have dialogue regardless of what environment it is, work, family, friends, and that romantic relationship. Now, for some of you to have a conversation with, family may be easy, right, because you don't see that there's going to be a big loss that's valuable to you. Our, uh, families tend to love us unconditionally. We may get mad at one another, but we're back together very soon, right? So if you need to practice, practice on your family. Families are very forgiving most of them, right? So when you get into a situation and you have a question, the first thing you want to do is keep a short time frame of clarifying. So as I mentioned a little bit earlier, you're talking with someone, you have all of these thoughts going in your head, uh, basically of what they're saying. You're not really sure what they're actually saying or you want to confirm. Then you want to ask the question. So what I typically do is I say, you know what, I was thinking about what you just said. Or I want to make sure I'm on the same page of understanding what you said and then ask the question. It can start out just that simple. Now, I do know that there are situations where you ask the question and uh, the person may give you a vague answer. So if it still doesn't answer your question, it's okay to ask a follow up question. It is okay. So you could say, thanks for sharing with me your thoughts, but I really want to know this. What is on your mind that you really want to ask? So sometimes we can do that selfclarifying and you don't get the answer that you don't get the answer that really resolves in your mind, is it this or that? So then ask another question or acknowledge to the person that you really want to know this because this is your understanding or this is what you're seeing by that person's actions. So you're asking for clarification. Now when someone feels that they're not ready to answer the question, particularly if you're in a romantic relationship, particularly if you're in a work relationship and you're asking the question on your job as to whether or not your boss sees you as a person that is going to be promoted. They may not want to answer that question. Right, because they don't want to show their cards. So they could say, well, I can't answer that right now. That clarifying question then would be, how do you see my skill set and do you, what do I need to do to be in a position to be promoted? See how I just changed the question so it takes them off of the defense and from answering directly, are you promotable? To what are my skill sets that you see are promotable? Or what do I need to obtain to be promotable? If you're in a romantic relationship and you are trying to figure out where is this relationship going? So you're kind of like going along with the flow right now. You get mixed messages from the person you're in the romantic relationship with. Is this exclusive relationship? Is that what you want? And you're trying to figure out if that person wants that? Or do you feel that if you ask the question, it's going to put that person in an awkward position that they're not ready to answer. So the same thing, uh, that I just shared with you about how you would approach in the workplace, you would just take that person off the defense, but not off the hook. We don't want to take anybody off the hook. You want to come back and say, I am really loving spending time with you, and where do you want this relationship to go? So you're not asking for now, but you're asking, where do they see the relationship going? Why is it important that you clarify in the workplace and in the romantic relationship of those two examples? It's because you are valuable. You are worth it. You are loving yourself first. If you are in situations where your value is not noticed, you have control of making the necessary decisions and taking the bold enough actions. So, yes, it is important to be bold enough to ask. Then you will know if you're making forward movements, you are lined, in this case, that work and in that romantic relationship, because I gave those two examples. If you're aligned, then, uh, your mind is relieved and you're happy and you're moving forward, right? If you get an answer that you don't like, you don't want to hear, well, guess what? You got to move towards the healing process again. It's a cycle. You got to acknowledge that this is the truth. You can't deny the truth. The truth is the truth, and the truth never changes. Once you identify that, then, yes, you're going to be hurtful. You're going to have to grieve from it. But this time around, because you've already got rid of all that baggage, of everything that has collected over the years, the healing process is easier. It doesn't mean the situation isn't painful or hurtful. But you know what you have to do to heal from the current situation. And you've already seen on the other side, you're going to be better. So you're encouraged to say, okay, I'm going to deal with this. I was bold enough to ask. The answer is not what I wanted to hear. So let me bring closure, in this case closure to my work, closer to my romantic relationship situation. You have the ability, once again, to have control. Do not fear. Do not fear the answer. Because if you're feeling the answer, you're not going to do it. The answer also may not be what you think it's going to be. So it's not always bad. But I will share with you that when you have an instinct that something is off, it's probably off. So there's a difference, however, in trusting your instinct when you have healed and trusting your instincts when you haven't healed. So let me start with trusting your instincts in order to be bold enough to ask when you have not healed. When you have not healed, you have all of this baggage. So no matter what someone does, you're going to be in the negative rim you're going to expect negativity the answer is going to be bad and everything is doom and gloom. But when you have healed, you have forgiven all of that past stuff. You've reconciled. You're loving yourself now. So now you're seeking what actions you see right now. Not anything that's reminding you from the past, but you're addressing anything in your instincts that make you feel uncomfortable because it is between you and that person or individuals in this situation today. You're not coming in broken saying, oh, I've seen that before and I know what's going to happen now. You're not bringing that past forward. You're learned from your past, but you want to give each interaction, it's fair chance. Each situation, it's fair chance looking at things positively. And in this case, I love myself, I'm valued, I'm worth it, and I have a whole life ahead of me that I want to live freely, full of peace and joy. I'm, um, not going to have this warfare going on in my mind, is it this or that? No. You're simply going to ask the question. And I say simply, and I know that it's hard, particularly if you really want something. And you know that the answer may be no. It may be no. I can tell you that my boldness now supersedes fear because of, uh, the healing process and knowing that on the other side, good happens. So can you be bold enough to ask? I will always share with you, every single week, you can take little pieces of my encouragement and tips and put them into action, and you will get some rewards. But until you decide that I'm going to completely go through the foundational steps to be bold enough to be authentically me and put into action the everyday boundary setting, which one of them is being bold enough to ask so I can maintain this bold enough life to be true to me? Authentically you will not get the full value of how to sustain being authentically you. You will, as they say, dibble and dab. Um, so take these tips. Try them. But I want you to consider the full enchilada, the fullness of you being authentically. You going through the foundational process and learning what those boundary settings are to live that great life. So will you be bold enough to ask? You answer that question for yourself. But I see you. I see your value. I see your worth. Don't waste your time mentally in a state of warfare. Ask the question. Be bold enough to ask. So, folks, that's all I have today on one of the boundary setting maintenance tips of being bold enough to be you. Remember to go onto the website, let me know that you've decided to join the bold enough challenge. Get some, um, gear to remind you to be bold enough and to start the conversation and help others to be bold enough. And if you have a great bold enough story. I'd love for you to reach out and let us know that as well. Boldhyphen enough. Continue to put your comments in the live chat as we are, uh, going throughout each show week after week. Definitely, I will try to address as many as I can and those that are left behind, I will definitely answer those, um, after the show. So be bold enough. It's a new year. Let's do this together. Have a great week and I'll talk to you next week. Be bold enough. HM.