For Christmas we watched the stop motion Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer from 1964. It's so goddamn weird. Elvish dentists, lions with wings, and bouncing Bumbles.

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Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer

[00:00:09] Frank: Hollywood and the independent video

[00:00:22] Scott: Does this hold up? And just what the hell is a good movie anyway? I'm Frank Roll. I'm Scott Moran. And we're the Last Video Store Clerks.

[00:00:37] Scott: by faster in December. Thank God. I am so overwhelmed and this is going to be kind of a mini episode, so I can apologize for our release rate because I have two jobs at the moment, not enough time we'll get with the cults though.

[00:00:54] Frank: it's a lot going on. Anxiety. You remember back when you were a kid and it was just like wonder what I'm gonna get now It's like

[00:01:17] Frank: year look I've been a bit of a Grinch from time to time I've had a year or two in life where I was like We don't

[00:01:31] Frank: this year We got a tree that I cannot even wrap my arms halfway around is it real?

[00:01:39] Frank: Good old Home Depot man, they're taking out the competition. It's like an eight footer for like 79

[00:01:48] Frank: tree Douglas fir smell good.

[00:01:51] Frank: great. I do love it It's just a

[00:01:56] Frank: It's a free air freshener. And we don't have cats because we're dog people. So,

[00:02:07] Frank: Does it look better than Kevin McCallister's tree?

[00:02:15] Scott: Yeah. It's dinky. I mean, this one you can see the wooden pole in the middle. His is

[00:02:22] Scott: I'm sure yours is not that scrappy. If you look closely, you can see the hot glue where they glued the. Oh. The branches in place. Aight. And you have to like, kind of smash it to get it in the box. So like, It sits for like a whole year.

[00:02:52] Scott: My mom made cookies, we ate junk food, and put a thousand ornaments on a giant tree. And there was like

[00:03:03] Scott: had the real, terrible for the environment tinsel. Yeah. We threw it all over the tree. Oh

[00:03:13] Frank: You're a kid playing in your room and it's like in your Ghostbusters car.

[00:03:22] Frank: you have the icicles? Oh, yeah. The icicles were also, like, a staple.

[00:03:29] Frank: We didn't even do, like, I didn't know what mistletoe was until later in life.

[00:03:33] Scott: that we had. I think we did popcorn strings a couple times, too. We never even

[00:03:43] Scott: Yeah, and as soon as we were done, our cat would fucking climb that shit. And then we'd spray it with water and it would pop a lightbulb.

[00:03:59] Scott: those cats. We had a cat in elementary school that my mom would ball up a soft cigarette pack of cool milds, and she would throw the cigarette pack for the cat. The cat would just carry this shit around in its mouth all the time.

[00:04:13] Frank: it an empty pack or did it have cigarettes in it?

[00:04:21] Frank: Get them all nicotine ed out,

[00:04:27] Frank: like, what you been up to today? Cup of coffee.

[00:04:48] Frank: Ugh! I'm definitely not, uh, I shouldn't do that. Ha ha ha ha ha! Gonna feel that one

[00:04:56] Scott: Not good. Not good.

[00:05:06] Scott: I refuse to be inconvenienced by the holiday. I like Christmas a lot. I'm not gonna be like, what a pain in the ass this is. Can't be that. I don't have children though, so.

[00:05:21] Frank: No, I did watch, uh, Christmas Chronicles 2. Kurt Russell. The Netflix original one. Oh. There was one a couple years ago, Christmas Chronicles.

[00:05:31] Frank: Well, the little Santa's helpers in that one, they're like, batshit crazy furbies.

[00:05:42] Scott: I guess I have to watch this movie. They're

[00:06:03] Frank: So it's been a minute. Overboard was on TV a couple weeks ago. That was cool. But um, outside of that, I haven't really watched, I watched 2012 to go to sleep over the course of like three nights. Because I can go to sleep watching 2012. You know, it's a quality film.

[00:06:31] Scott: Uh, no, no. Nah? No, not at all. Okay. Just playing video games. Playing video games. I wish I time. Having too many jobs, not being able to really think enough to, uh, do the other things I'm supposed to do.

[00:07:10] Scott: There you go. But they'll all come out. They'll all come out eventually.

[00:07:17] Scott: work. I'm sleeping pretty well. Damn. But I mean, like I do. I sleep. From I fall asleep around 11 30. Yeah, I wake up it like somewhere between 1 30 and 4 and then I'm awake for like a couple hours And then I fall back asleep and then I wake up I Take the dogs on a very long walk and then I go back to work

[00:07:46] Scott: I hate it.

[00:07:51] Frank: I passed out at 830 but then woke up at 1030 and that, that's where the

[00:07:58] Frank: That's where the trouble, because two hours is pretty solid, you know? And then when you're awake at 1030, when you have to wake up about 7? No bueno.

[00:08:16] Frank: shopping for two people at this point and it's pretty close in our world.

[00:08:21] Frank: Yeah. I haven't been this bad in

[00:08:29] Scott: So like you got yours. Uh, yeah,

[00:08:49] Frank: But, um,

[00:08:58] Frank: there? I'm just We're

[00:09:08] Frank: Look, if there's a chick popping fat ass on your screen right now, you're in trouble, buddy.

[00:09:26] Frank: the older The cartoon one? Yeah, like, well wait, like the stop motion, like the There

[00:09:33] Scott: Was it?

[00:09:44] Scott: Yeah, I don't really want to watch a Christmas Story anymore.

[00:09:52] Scott: there's not ones I really want to watch from when I was a kid.

[00:10:14] Scott: You're definitely the weird one. That's like the greatest of all time.

[00:10:22] Scott: was amazing.

[00:10:29] Scott: ritual. What was the one with the heat miser and the, uh, I'm

[00:10:33] Frank: Snow. Yeah,

it

[00:10:40] Scott: now. It didn't stick. But Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer was every fucking year. Did that one getcha? Yeah, I was excited about it every time. Yeah. Uh Now I think it's fucking weird and you shouldn't show your children.

[00:10:58] Frank: It's from another time. Things were different in 64.

[00:11:04] Frank: I had the opportunity to watch this with her. She made it fi She picked it. She picked it. I was very excited about this. Um, She made it 15 20 minutes in and then started building stuff out of pillows and blankets.

[00:11:31] Frank: So I'm like, okay, talk about that Talk about that. Don't forget about that My mental notes were gonna be strong though, but then 15 20 minutes in squirrel So I had to watch it last night when I woke up at 10 30 after passing out for two hours so Pass out just from being exhausted wake up and watch Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer like 10

[00:11:51] Frank: pretty weird for you.

[00:12:10] Frank: I have no idea whose

[00:12:15] Frank: do they taste like chocolate dipped cookies? Why does it feel so

[00:12:24] Scott: Um, but no man, it's some weird shit. That's what I posed to you was I was like, this is the weirdest shit ever. Like it's the weirdest thing to show to kids now and confusing.

[00:12:46] Frank: It's

[00:12:50] Frank: It's so much like dude from the second Rudolph is born. It's like toughen up and hey

[00:13:00] Frank: Donnie in this was an old white guy in 64 Or like an old white person,

[00:13:07] Frank: So, like, really angry on the inside trying to make a kid's special.

[00:13:25] Scott: one. I still think that Jim Carrey movie is an abomination.

[00:13:28] Frank: like the cartoon over the Jim Carrey movie.

[00:13:38] Frank: it. I wouldn't do it.

[00:13:49] Frank: Why is that cover so weird? Anyway,

[00:13:52] Frank: um, I mean, from the get go, I got a weird feeling from Mr. and Mrs. Claus for like the first time ever. I'm like, this could be a horror flick if you went the other

[00:14:07] Frank: you know? Yeah, and this Santa is a lazy shit.

[00:14:15] Frank: a while. Well, like you're saying, the PC is, uh, non existent here almost. Was anybody smoking in this? At least, I guess none of them were smoking, huh? Uh,

[00:14:29] Scott: I mean, it would make sense, he's a snowman.

[00:14:41] Scott: Man, we used to have the record of a Burl Ives Christmas, and it was like all of his Christmas songs.

[00:15:02] Frank: Mrs. Donner. Yeah. But I mean, yeah, they tell him, uh, better normal up.

[00:15:07] Scott: Yeah, they're immediately like, look at this fucking abomination in Santa Claus. Is the worst of all.

[00:15:16] Scott: Yeah, until they could figure out how to make a prosthetic nose. What kind of That gave this kid a speech impediment. Yes.

[00:15:28] Frank: is. And

[00:15:36] Frank: And that was a song

[00:15:40] Frank: that Santa was so fucked.

[00:15:50] Scott: What a fucking asshole.

[00:16:02] Scott: I don't know. Who are they fighting off? There is a lot of weird stuff going on up there.

[00:16:14] Frank: Which I want to talk about a lot, but what about Hermie?

[00:16:22] Frank: why I have a theory is with Herme.

[00:16:25] Scott: a, a, the voice of a gay uncle. He's looks like a five-year-old boy. Yes. He is into dentistry, which is really upsetting

[00:16:41] Scott: notice the supervisor's voice when he was in front of Santa Claus was like I was like higher No, it's not gonna hurt me.

[00:16:49] Frank: boy. Fuck

[00:16:57] Frank: idea. I didn't pick up

[00:17:04] Frank: He's a dick So, do you want to hear my theory about Hermie?

[00:17:20] Scott: Um, he, I mean, Hermie is fabulous.

[00:17:33] Frank: Why just cuz he's a little different cuz he's a misfit. I don't know man finish the job where you're fired. Like I said, it's just

[00:17:43] Frank: Yeah, I mean, can he go to the shop next door another shoppy? Does he get to go work in another shoppy?

[00:17:51] Scott: Well, I was

[00:18:07] Frank: It's all

[00:18:11] Frank: know. No, that's okay. I'll mesh in my mind to make the story a little happier because this shit was kind of dark.

[00:18:27] Scott: Also, what kind of superpower is that he can taste precious metals? He's licking that fucking pickaxe all the time. Is that like

[00:18:37] Scott: No, I don't know. I don't know. This ain't a good copper. He strikes me as more of like a Canadian trapper.

[00:18:47] Scott: burly, right?

[00:19:14] Scott: I mean, he had that whole song about silver and gold, but Peppermint mine.

[00:19:22] Scott: Well, first they get stuck on a, an iceberg. And like, the narration would lead you to believe that they were in control of this iceberg. They were headed off on an adventure.

[00:19:34] Frank: drifting. Maybe Yukon Cornelius had slipped like a rudder on there and we just didn't know it. You know, like he had one in his satchel. He's like, Oh!

[00:19:49] Frank: mountain man who bounces.

[00:20:11] Frank: And I guess I never really paid attention that much to be like, he bounced. That's how he lived.

[00:20:26] Frank: And is that when they get to the Isle

[00:20:30] Scott: Where they end up where they belong. Yeah, belong.

[00:20:37] Scott: mean It would have been the other way around but yes, I know same storytelling device same same but different. Yeah Dark Knight of the soul stuff.

[00:20:50] Scott: But fucking King moon racer and his fucking

[00:21:00] Frank: That was

[00:21:07] Frank: it was a good little kingdom, huh?

[00:21:21] Scott: He's not wearing any clothes. Just a hat. It's a crown. It's not keeping him warm. Who gave him this job? He flies all over the world? Picking up misfit toys?

[00:21:33] Scott: did know a guy because he didn't even know Santa Claus and he's a fucking neighbor practically.

[00:21:39] Scott: the boundary? He's like an elder god? Like Santa? Is a saint?

[00:21:45] Scott: districts, okay? Nightmare Before Christmas? Hunger Games. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha That's North America.

[00:22:01] Frank: Did you see like the alien Eskimos? Do you know what I'm talking about? No,

[00:22:07] Frank: I didn't know what, like I want to say the abominable snowman was, you know, wrecking shop I saw like little characters we'd seen before but at one point these little houses or huts got knocked over and they looked like Eskimos But they had these big alien eyes and I was like, oh that's I don't know what that is.

[00:22:25] Scott: come from? Just out of the blue?

[00:22:32] Scott: you notice that the Abominable Snowman was like the Cloverfield Monster? It was like constantly changing sizes. Like it would be like big, giant, bigger than the mountains.

[00:22:53] Frank: Hermey and I want to be a dentist. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. With his little fucking crude tool. Like that's how he get, his double tap is, I'm gonna yank every tooth out of your mouth while you're knocked out.

[00:23:03] Scott: anesthesia. I bet that was sore as fuck when he wakes up. And so when Yukon Cornelius goes and fucking tries to push him off a cliff. He's just confused. He goes over with

[00:23:15] Scott: Fucked up. It's just fucked up. The

[00:23:20] Frank: Then he walks right through his legs, and you're like, Oh, Hermie, you're brave as fuck. And it's like, oh, I got this fucker's teeth. No, I

[00:23:33] Frank: dentist. I finally got to be a dentist!

[00:23:43] Frank: Uh, yeah, like it was like a deal. Like, kind of an unspoken deal. Like, maybe he thought that might happen? Who

[00:23:53] Scott: Because it's fucking All of a sudden we're in the Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe.

[00:24:05] Scott: has to be some sort of system in place that's going on up here.

[00:24:09] Frank: America where they kick people out of the hospitals because they don't have insurance and they might not have a home, so they just drop them. Was it this situation with Santa? I get

[00:24:26] Scott: But, not just Sid style, but Kids who grew up. Christopher Robin, leaving poo in the woods to become a serial killer. Yeah,

[00:24:45] Frank: Does that make it okay? The apology

[00:25:15] Scott: Like, apologizing for being an asshole in general doesn't, like, change you being an asshole. No, and I

[00:25:31] Scott: up. Yeah, you put, like, uh, a little cap over his nose.

[00:25:38] Frank: I mean, this movie did have a happy ending,

[00:25:54] Frank: all of a sudden. Yes. He was definitely disposable until he Proved himself to be valuable to Mr.

[00:26:01] Scott: Also In that window of time this man gained like 40 fucking pounds like in a day was he bigger at the end? Yeah, he was like back to the right size But I was like the storm rolled in and then he got fat again and that is unhealthy and Miss Claus was way too excited about it like she's like This motherfucker's gonna have a heart attack.

[00:26:26] Frank: and she's like I can go gum it up with all abominable She'll give him some cookies

[00:26:43] Scott: Straight there to get those fucking toys that nobody wants and they're like Also, this delivery system is half assed like they they use an umbrella For each toy and they just drop it like Santa's not coming down.

[00:26:57] Frank: No, and it's not very cost effective and where did all the umbrellas go? When you were a kid,

[00:27:13] Frank: world.

[00:27:22] Scott: Oh, man, Christmas was a big deal in my house. We did the whole ritual. You

[00:27:31] Scott: and watched you.

[00:27:34] Frank: Everywhere else growing up for me, it was a free for all. Like, as soon as it went, like, uh, I remember we thought it was cool at a certain point, you'd group everybody's presents in a big, huge pile for each kid. And then it was just like, go for it. Pffft. Nope.

[00:27:49] Scott: You had to drag that shit out for a few

[00:27:56] Scott: it should be done. Yeah, you gotta make it last a few hours. It works

[00:28:04] Scott: That's not fucking canon Santa lore. So, you failed me, Rudolph. Yeah. Also, weird as shit. I liked it. Creepy as fuck, though. But I enjoyed it. I enjoyed watching it again. The songs are jams. It's weird as fuck. It doesn't make any sense. Didn't age well. Also, the claymation? Not as astounding as I remember it.

[00:28:29] Frank: impressive. Yeah, we did watch that last year. I haven't watched it yet this year, but I watched it last year like a couple times. Man, that one, I like

[00:28:45] Scott: Do you remember that? Did you ever watch that when you were a kid? I don't know. It was like Mark Twain and like a weird elevator. And these two kids. And they like go to hell and meet Lucifer. Scared the shit out of me when I was a kid.

[00:28:59] Scott: Somebody has seen that. It's gotta be part of somebody's trauma. Somebody's trauma. Just like it's part of mine. I'm going to look it up and I'm going to show you a little something.

[00:29:13] Scott: Oh yeah, the peanut butter solution. There you go.

[00:29:15] Frank: would have never guessed that in a million years.

[00:29:30] Frank: DVDs and Blu rays are in a rotation.

[00:29:37] Scott: it pulls her in or not. It's gotta be at some point she's gonna be like, this is fucking weird. Maybe you should see some of the shit that's new. Yeah, what if your daughter ends up doing, like, a hologram cast?

[00:29:49] Frank: probably be, it's probably gonna be some shit we don't

[00:29:58] Frank: Uh, well no, and I can't wait to watch even more Christmas movies.

[00:30:04] Frank: Before, Scrooged, Christmas

[00:30:08] Scott: Scrooged is so

[00:30:17] Scott: Wait, are those, those Kevin Hart ones?

[00:30:20] Scott: uh Oh yeah. Will Ferrell and Mark Wahlberg.

[00:30:25] Scott: one. Always a good pairing. Well, I mean, Wahlbergen.

[00:30:32] Frank: don't make me laugh. Jesus. Do you have to pee

[00:30:38] Frank: out? I don't know, but I had Thai food yesterday and it just caused all kinds of issues. I'm old. With your pee? I swear to god, it's just like a gastro thing. Yes, the pee is involved.

[00:30:51] Scott: You're hitting bumps. I'm going to

[00:31:04] Frank: com.