Shownotes
What if the mind isn’t something to control—but something to understand? On Mind Over Matter, hosted by Saima, Rev. Amitha Khema shares a grounded, honest perspective on meditation beyond surface-level calm.
This episode is for anyone who feels restless, overwhelmed, or “bad” at meditation. You’ll discover why discomfort is not failure, how awareness rewires your experience, and how small, consistent practice can quietly transform your inner world and relationships.
About the Guest:
Rev. Amitha Khema is a Buddhist monk and mindfulness teacher with over 15 years of experience guiding people toward clarity, compassion, and inner peace through practical meditation.
Episode Chapter:
00:00 – Introduction to meditation beyond control
02:15 – Why understanding the mind matters more than controlling it
06:40 – The biggest myth about meditation (and restlessness)
10:25 – Why feeling uncomfortable means you’re on the right path
14:50 – The role of focus and insight in meditation
19:30 – Why consistency matters more than duration
24:10 – Simple ways to start meditation today
Key Takeaways:
- Meditation reveals your mind—it doesn’t immediately calm it
- Restlessness is awareness beginning, not failure
- Start with 1–2 minutes daily to build consistency
- Guided meditation helps beginners stay anchored
- Community support makes practice easier to sustain
- Inner calm improves relationships and emotional balance
How to Connect With the Guest:
Website: https://buddhameditationdc.org
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/buddhameditationdc/
Weekly Online Meditation (Thursdays, 8:00-9:00 PM ET): https://buddhameditationdc.org
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Transcripts
00:00:08 Saima: Welcome to mind over matter. The space we've explored, the strength of the human mind and how awareness can quietly transform the way we live, think, and respond to life. I'm Simon, and today I am joined by Amita Sharma, a Buddhist monk and mindfulness teacher who has spent over fifteen years guiding people toward clarity, compassion, and inner peace through simple, practical meditation practices. In this conversation, we're exploring something many people talk about, but few truly experience deeply the real benefits of meditation beyond the surface level. Calm Zometa. Welcome to the show.
00:00:53 Amitha Khema: Hello and thank you, sir. I'm happy to be with you in your podcast.
00:01:00 Saima: Your warm welcome. Amita. So before we get into the practice itself. I'm curious, what first drew you personally toward meditation, and how did it begin to shift the way you experienced your own mind?
00:01:17 Amitha Khema: Yeah. So that as a Buddhist monk, my primary goal is that attaining, you know, the liberation or the enlightenment. So that's why we practice meditation. So by practicing meditation, what we got is that the main thing is that the, uh, that, uh, the control over our mind rather than just mind controlling ourselves like, uh, it's like, uh, we, uh, how to say that it's like that, uh, this we, we can change our world, but, uh, we can change the way we react to things. So that's the one thing we got. And the other thing I believe that meditation allows us to see the world as it is, rather than just seeing through kind of a point of view. So when we see the world as it is, so that the benefit we get, uh, is like, uh, we are not like a narrow to a particular way of thinking. And, uh, in the same way we call it a delusion. And then when in that delusion arises, uh, so we are some to some people, we may feel like we are heroes, but to the others, we may feel like stereotype or to some, we feel we are heroes, to others we like. We are. So all those narrowed mind or like, uh, like, uh, um, uh, polarized ideas, uh, it's the common way of our mind. So once we understand our mind, we can, uh, go beyond that instead of representing representing a vision or something or point of view or something. Uh, we can see how it happens in our mind. So those are the benefits we get when we practice meditation.
00:03:17 Saima: Mhm. That's a really profound way to look at it. I really appreciate how you have shifted the focus from trying to control everything externally to understanding the mind itself and the way you described it, that through practice, we move from the mind controlling us to becoming aware of it. It feels like such a powerful turning point. And I also like how you touched on perception, how different people may see us in completely different ways. Like some may admire, some may judge and some may misunderstand. And yet, once we truly begin to understand our own mind, we are no longer bound by those labels. And I feel there's a kind of freedom in that, like going beyond the rules, like you I said, beyond the stories, beyond, beyond even the need to. Be seen in a certain way. And that's a really deep inside. Now the. You know, staying with that idea, there's this common belief that meditation is about emptying the mind or achieving instant peace. But for many people, Linda said quietly, they actually feel more restless. So what do you think people misunderstand the most about meditation?
00:04:28 Amitha Khema: Ah, first of all, they do not want to see meditation. It's like taking a pill or something. So meditation has two ways. I think Buddhist meditation, there are the other types of like physical well-being, like yoga also. And so that meditation just allow you to see your mind as it is and why. So when you see your mind as it is, you won't see a kind of a peaceful mind. You will see that restlessness in your mind, since you couldn't locate your restlessness in your mind. That's why you bring it to your daily life, and that's why you feel restless in your daily life. So once you figure out it within yourself and you don't feel that it anymore. So yeah, of course if someone's talking about it, they will see all the discomforts that we experience from whatever in you. So then there's once you feel that maybe it's kind of a discomfort, but you are in the right path and right track. So you can address that, uh, step by step, one by one. So, uh, you know that if that problem is inevitable, you can control that because you are, you don't have a worry in things in this world and people's mind. So. Right. So therefore, it's so you will see the actual way of your mind. And Then we can move forward with gradual, profound practices.
00:06:04 Saima: Yes, that's a really clarifying way to put it. And what you're pointing to is that this isn't a failure. It's actually the process working. The that moment when someone begins to notice the mind, to observe it rather than, you know, get pulled into it, that's already a shift. And it's subtle, but it's powerful. And I feel it almost reframes meditation from something we're trying to achieve into something we're learning to witness. And that takes patience, not perfection. And also that brings me to something many people struggle with in a very personal way. You know, when someone feels like they're bad at meditation, what's actually happening beneath that experience?
00:06:50 Amitha Khema: Right. So, um, so in that case, they need to understand two things. So when we say meditation, I like two completely opposite but going hand in hand parallel meditations. They are one we call something, the other one we call Vipassana. Something is calming meditation or is like focused attention because we focus to one anchor point. And Vipassana means seeing through or seeing things as it is like insight meditation. So when you focus, you will see your actual way of your mind. So with that focus, attention, when you see those things rising and falling, like disturbance or restlessness, you can address that with Vipassana. So likewise. So to answer for your question. So when you see that restlessness or any discomfort, uh, try to work with to try to work on that with focus, attention. And once you feel like it's not working, well, yes, you can try Vipassana or see what's going on without, uh, positioning you in, in, in that you can be the third person and see those things rising and falling. So basically say like seeing impermanence, seeing unsatisfaction and seeing none authority over the conditions.
00:08:20 Saima: Mhm. I really appreciate how you're not dismissing the discomfort, but actually inviting people to work with it through focus. And that's a really grounded way of guiding someone through it. And the way you describe it, when, when we focus, we begin to see things as they actually are. And from there we can address them. That feels really real and practical. And what stands out is that you're normalizing that discomfort, almost showing that it's not something to avoid, but something to understand instead of labeling the experience as bad or wrong, you are encouraging people to to stay with it, observe it, and gently bring the attention back. And that's a very different approach from what most people expect when they start meditation. It feels like you're shifting the idea from resisting the mind to actually building a relationship with it. Right?
00:09:17 Amitha Khema: Yeah. That's true.
00:09:20 Saima: Mhm. So if you look deeper, why is it, you know, so difficult for people to simply sit with themselves?
00:09:30 Amitha Khema: And because, you know, the one thing is they have they haven't practiced meditation and they are because we have a thing called in our mind that neuroplasticity, that means the way we train our mind, that's the way our mind works. So when we, we usually start to meditate once we feel like overwhelmed. Like then once we feel like no solution in the world. So then they have to practice in meditations. Like it's like a rewiring your brain. So it takes time. So that's why I think people may feel like it's really kind of a difficult thing. And, and the, the other thing is, uh, uh, you know, that when, when they couldn't find the best community. So because meditation, when you try to do it alone, it's really difficult to hang on to it because, uh, that's how our life is because when we start something new. So if you can find a good community where everyone meditate as a group online or in person. So then you see that the others are progressing in their meditation and it. And then you also feel like encouraged to practice meditation. I know there are some. You know that sometimes when you try to meditate with the monastic tradition, sometimes monastic traditions has its own authentic culture. Sometimes it may not the way you want and you have your expect and those things are possible. So yeah, so try to, uh, see that you are in a process and you are. It's not just taking a pill. And if you still feel difficult, difficult, find a kind of a good community online or in person. So in that way you can address that problem.
00:11:31 Saima: Yes, yes, I completely agree with what you said. The idea that meditation is a kind of rewiring and it takes time, consistency and patience really helps take away that pressure of needing to get it right immediately. And that's such an honest and important perspective. And what you said about community really stands out. It makes so much sense. Doing this kind of inner work alone can feel challenging, especially in the beginning. Having the right support like you said, the right community, the right space, or even just people who understand the journey can make such a difference. And it turns something that feels isolating into something shared and supported. And I would say that it almost reminds us that this isn't just a personal practice, but also something that can be nurtured, nurtured collectively. Now it also brings up something interesting about the world we are living in right now. So do you feel our modern lifestyle, constant stimulation, speed, productivity has made stillness feel unfamiliar or even uncomfortable?
00:12:43 Amitha Khema: Um, no, because, uh, the reason is. That the way you see it. So if we. As an example. So this. This. The life. Now go goes going on. So it's an example. So to our meditation program. So even though we are a Buddhist monastery, like ninety five percent of the meditators are from different backgrounds, which means that, uh, uh, they are not coming to be a Buddhist, but they are, they want to relieve their stress and they don't mind, uh, exposing themselves for different culture, different tradition. Uh, so why so in this image, like, uh, so much of stress going on as a player. So when there are so many things going on around it, ask you to find a way to calm yourself and slow down and see the world in a different way because our body and mind. Sometimes it's really difficult to handle this kind of stress in this. Fast forward, fast moving lives. So I think, uh, rather than thinking it's a kind of a difficult thing, it's kind of a blessing to start meditation, but if you want to dive deeper, uh, it's, uh, then you need to commit like at least one or two hours every day. So in that case, your fast paced life is kind of a difficult thing then. Yes, of course, uh, you may need to, uh, uh, spend your vacation on meditation, uh, rather than traveling or finding a place to go and meditate in your vacation. So, uh, that's the way I believe this these days, people success in their meditation.
00:14:36 Saima: That's a really interesting way to look at it. And I like how you how you have framed it as a kind of blessing to even, you know, feel drawn toward meditation in the first place, like you said. And it shifts the perspective from seeing the, uh, fast paced lifestyle as only a problem to almost seeing, you know, it as a doorway, like something that pushes people to eventually look deeper. And, you know, the pace of life might be not stop someone from starting, but it can become a challenge when they truly want to explore beyond the surface. And I love that you hinted at finding ways like, you know, travel or stepping to different environments instead of travel. We can opt for meditation as a way to support that deeper connection, and it makes the whole journey feel much more flexible, not rigid. Right?
00:15:29 Amitha Khema: Yeah. That's true. That's I agree.
00:15:32 Saima: Mhm. So that brings me to something every practical in, you know, in everyday life. So in everyday life, honestly, stress shows up in so many ways, like overthinking, emotional reactions, burnout. So what tends to change in a person's daily life and begin a consistent meditation practice?
00:15:56 Amitha Khema: Right. So if someone meditates, first of all, they will find that the happiness, what they are looking for and which they couldn't achieve it. So that happiness may they feel not from the outer world, but within themselves, not because they receive something, but because they are just existing in this moment. And then once we they feel that inner peace and happiness, they will feel calm themselves. And when they are, they are ready to listen and they are ready to accept the other other person or others as they are. So all these loves, all these allows them to have more comfort in their life, and especially in relationships and everything. And this also feel more comfortable to be with someone who's calm rather than hot tempered. So it's like once you start to meditate, not just a proper sleep, but everything will be so it's like, uh, people try to migrate to another country to be happy. But once you find inner peace and happiness, you will find that, okay, this is the place I need to migrate.
00:17:14 Saima: Mhm. Mhm. That again, I, I have to agree with that point of view. Once you find that inner peace. Yeah. That's really beautiful. I love how you brought it back to something so simple, yet so profound. Like finding happiness from within. The way you describe it, it's not just about reducing stress, I feel. It's about creating that deeper sense of comfort within ourselves. Almost like, you know, we are no longer constantly searching outside for that sense of ease. And what stands out is how naturally it begins to ripple into other parts of life. Like you said, sleep not only sleep, but daily routines and emotional balance as well. And, you know, I feel that idea of inner peace you mentioned, it feels like it feels like a distant goal and more like something that gradually unfolds with consistency. And it's for sure it's very gentle but powerful transformation. So for someone who might be listening and feeling a bit lost at where to even begin? So, you know, for someone who feels overwhelmed and thinks, I don't know where to start, even so, how would you guide them into meditation in a way that feels simple and doable?
00:18:32 Amitha Khema: Yeah. So, uh, I mean, the best way is going with, uh, someone's guidance. You know, that we're joining to a guided meditation. So because I found because that's the best way as I feel like, because in our meditation classes, sometimes we do silent meditation. So they are like, uh, um, they are just, uh, uh, wandering in their mind, sitting in silent and they don't know what to do and they feel like it's a kind of a punishment to them. But when they join to the guided meditation, that means when we guide the meditation, they get amazing results within themselves. So again, answer for that is, uh, we practice guided meditation. There are also many online meditation programs. And so we as we also conduct online meditations. And if you find something nearby, join once in a while, at least in person. So those will be a good chance for you to improve your meditation.
00:19:42 Saima: Mhm. Mhm. That's really remarkable that you conduct online classes. And that's really reassuring. Like you said, you know, you have met the entry point feel so accessible. Like the idea of starting with guided meditation takes away a lot of the pressure, especially for someone who feels lost or unsure, and it gives them something to follow, something to gently anchor their attention to instead of feeling like they have to figure it all out on their own. And I also appreciate how you mentioned both guided and silent practices. It shows that there isn't just one right way to do it. People can begin with support and then gradually move into stillness at their own pace. And that flexibility makes the practice feel much more approachable rather than intimidating. So that brings up something many beginners often wonder about. So is it more about consistency over duration? Even a few minutes a day rather than trying to do it perfectly?
00:20:47 Amitha Khema: Ah, yeah. So that the forget about the increase in time, consistency and efficiency and the time when you practice that matters. Also start with one minute and a couple of times per day. And then once you're comfortable with that, start with the breathwork. Then you can continue. Yeah.
00:21:17 Saima: That's You know, simple yet powerful way to approach it. And like you said, just one minute, a couple of times a day, it removes that kind of pressure people often put on themselves to sit on, you know, for so long periods or to get everything right from the beginning. And it also, you know, stands out that it makes meditation feel like something we can gently weave into our day rather than something separate or overwhelming. And starting that small not only builds consistency, I would say, but also helps people build with build that trust with the practice without resistance. And it's for sure a very compassionate way of guiding someone into it. Right?
00:22:05 Amitha Khema: Yeah, sure.
00:22:08 Saima: So as we begin to close, I'd love to help people stay connected with your work. So for those who feel drawn to explore meditation with you or learn more. Where can they find you?
00:22:20 Amitha Khema: Yeah, they can find us easily on our website. Uh, w w w dot good meditation pc dot org. And so if anyone living nearby Washington, D.C., United States, uh, we are like forty five minutes away from capital. So yeah, you can visit us and join our meditations and we have a online meditation every Thursday, uh, eastern time, Washington, D.C. time eight to nine. And, uh, yeah, I think that's a one way to start up. And while we have the other meditations and courses you all can join.
00:23:03 Saima: Mhm. That's surely going to be beneficial for all our listeners out there. And listeners, if this conversation stayed with you, maybe that's you. That's your starting point. Not a perfect routine, not a big change, just a small pause, a moment of awareness. And from there, something begins. Thank you for joining us on Mind Over Matter. We'll see you in the next conversation.
