Introduction

1. Topic Introduction [00:56]

Main Topics

1. Understanding What Hospice Really Is [02:18]
2. The Emotional Resistance to Calling Hospice [04:17]
3. How Hospice Supports You as the Caregiver [05:27]
4. What the Final Days May Look Like [07:04]
5. Letting Hospice Help You is an Act of Love [08:17]
6. Closing [09:31]

Additional Resources

1. https://healingourgrievinghearts.com/
2. https://purpose.healingourgrievinghearts.com
3. https://healingourgrievinghearts.com/media
4. https://www.facebook.com/kay.fontana

00:00

00:27

I’ve faced many kinds of losses — from family members to beloved pets — and through it all, I’ve come to understand grief not only as sorrow, but as a sacred passage. My mission now is to help you move through the darkness with grace, to honor your own process, and to remind you that healing is possible — even if your heart is broken wide open. You are not alone. This is the Healing Our Grieving Hearts Podcast.

00:56

Welcome back my friends. I can hardly believe this is our 100th episode together. If you have been listening from the beginning, thank you for walking this sacred path with me. If you are new here, I am so glad you found your way to this space.

01:13

Today we are talking about something that many families struggle with, resist, misunderstand, or wait too long to embrace. The title of this episode is Letting Hospice Help You.

01:27

If you are caring for a husband or partner or anyone else whose health is declining, you may have heard the word hospice and felt your stomach tighten. You may associate hospice with giving up, with the final days, or with losing hope. I understand that reaction because I once felt it too.

01:48

This conversation is not about rushing toward the end. It is about support, dignity, and allowing yourself to receive help in one of the most tender seasons of your life. It’s not about death, but about comfort, care, and not being alone.

02:06

If you are in this season right now, or you sense it may be approaching, I hope this episode offers clarity, reassurance, and a little more peace in your heart.

02:18

There are many misconceptions about hospice. One of the most common is that hospice means you are giving up on your loved one. That belief is rooted in fear, not truth.

02:30

Hospice is specialized care for individuals who are facing a life limiting illness. The focus shifts from curing the illness to providing comfort, managing symptoms, and supporting quality of life. Hospice care can be provided in the home, in assisted living, in memory care, or in a hospice facility.

02:53

What many people do not realize is that hospice includes an entire team. Nurses, aides, social workers, chaplains, and volunteers all work together to support both the patient and the family. It is not only medical care. It is emotional, spiritual care, and practical guidance. I happen to be a hospice chaplain, and my patients are comforted knowing they have someone to pray with, listen to their stories, and provide emotional support during this time in their lives.

03:25

Hospice also provides equipment and supplies that many caregivers struggle to manage on their own. Hospital beds, oxygen, medications for comfort, and guidance about what to expect physically can ease enormous stress.

03:43

The earlier hospice is involved, the more support you receive. Hospice is not only for the final days. It can begin months before the end, allowing time for meaningful conversations, symptom management, and preparation.

04:00

Letting hospice help you does not mean you love your husband any less. It means you are choosing comfort over struggle. It means you are allowing professionals to guide you through something most of us have never been taught how to navigate.

04:17

Even when families understand what hospice is, there is often emotional resistance. Sometimes it feels like signing paperwork is the same as signing away hope. Sometimes family members disagree. Sometimes the patient resists because they associate hospice with dying. Sometimes the caregiver feels that accepting help means admitting they cannot do it all alone.

04:42

There is also anticipatory grief involved. Calling hospice often means acknowledging that the illness is not going to improve. That awareness can bring waves of sadness, anger, and even guilt.

04:57

If you are feeling any of those emotions, please know that they are normal. You can feel grief and still choose support. You can feel fear and still say yes to help. You can love deeply and still recognize that comfort is now the priority.

05:14

Hospice does not take away hope. It shifts the definition of hope. Instead of hoping for cure, you begin hoping for peace, comfort, meaningful connection, and dignity.

05:27

This is the part that many women overlook. Hospice does not only care for your husband. Hospice cares for you.

05:36

Caregiving is exhausting. It is physically demanding and emotionally draining. Many wives neglect their own health, sleep, and well-being during this season. Hospice nurses check on symptoms and medications, but they also check on you.

05:52

They answer questions at all hours. They explain what changes in breathing might mean. They guide you through difficult decisions. They reassure you when you are second guessing yourself.

06:06

The hospice aide may assist with bathing or personal care, which can relieve you of tasks that feel overwhelming. The social worker can help with paperwork, planning, and emotional processing. The chaplain offers spiritual support without imposing any specific belief system.

06:27

You also gain access to bereavement support after your husband passes. Hospice agencies often provides grief counseling for up to thirteen months. That continued care can be a lifeline.

06:44

Letting hospice help you creates space for you to return to being a wife instead of only a medical manager. It allows you to sit at the bedside and hold his hand without constantly worrying about the next medication or symptom. It allows you to focus on presence instead of performance.

07:04

One of the greatest gifts hospice can give you is preparation. They gently explained what physical changes might occur in the final days. They don’t overwhelm you, but they help you understand what is normal.

07:19

The body has its own wisdom at the end of life. Appetite decreases. Sleep increases. Breathing patterns shift. There may be periods of alertness and periods of withdrawal. Without guidance, these changes can feel terrifying. With guidance, they become part of a natural process.

07:39

Hospice nurses know the signs. They know when to adjust medications for comfort. They know when to say that the time is drawing near. That knowledge allows you to gather family, speak final words, and create sacred space.

07:56

The end of life can be deeply painful, but it can also be tender and intimate. Hospice helps create an environment where love, music, prayer, silence, and even laughter can exist alongside sorrow. It becomes less about crisis and more about comfort.

08:17

I want to leave you with this truth. Letting hospice help you is not surrendering your husband. It is surrounding him with care. It is recognizing that this chapter deserves as much support as the chapters that came before it. It is acknowledging that comfort matters. Dignity matters. Your well-being matters.

08:40

If you are on the fence about making the call, consider having an informational meeting. You are allowed to ask questions without committing immediately. You are allowed to gather information.

08:52

If you are already in hospice care and feeling overwhelmed, talk openly with the team. They are there to adjust and support you.

09:01

If you are listening to this after your husband has passed and wondering if you did the right thing, please hear me clearly. You did the best you could with the information and love you had at the time. There is no perfect way to walk someone home.

09:18

Hospice is not about ending a life. It is about honoring a life. You do not have to be strong every moment. You do not have to know everything. You are allowed to receive help.

09:31

As we close this 100th episode, I want to thank you for trusting me with your hearts. These conversations are sacred to me. They are born from my own journey of sitting beside the man I loved for forty years and learning what it means to hold on and let go at the same time.

09:50

The mission of Healing Our Grieving Hearts is to support women who are navigating life after the loss of a spouse or soulmate, and those who are tenderly companioning their husbands through illness. Through spiritual support, sound and vibration therapies, and reflective practices, I help women find meaning, healing, and renewed purpose.

10:11

For free resources, including tips on coping with grief and rediscovering joy, visit purpose.healingourgrievinghearts.com. And to connect with me on Facebook, you’ll find me at facebook.com/Kay.Fontana.

10:29

Thank you for listening to this episode of the Healing Our Grieving Hearts Podcast. Remember, you are not alone in your grief, and your experiences and emotions are valid. Join me next Saturday at 10am Arizona time as we continue to explore the human experience and Sound, Silence, and the Language Beyond Words. Until next time, may you allow yourself to receive the support that is offered to you, may you find peace in knowing you are not alone, and may you trust that love carries you through every season.