Love is a synthesis of complementary opposites. It includes peace and war, good and bad, up and down, happy and sad and all other pairs of opposites. We live in a world of chaos and order and both make up a universal form of love. Join Dr John Demartini and gain a deeper understanding of the role of peace and war and how to appreciate this balanced truth and become grateful for all that is and all that is not. When our minds become balanced, our hearts essentially open to the fullness of life.
USEFUL LINKS:
Free Masterclass | Discover The Hidden Order That Unites and Empowers Us All: demartini.fm/hidden
USEFUL LINKS:
Learn More About The Breakthrough Experience: demartini.fm/experience
Learn More About The Demartini Method: demartini.fm/demartinimethod
Determine Your Values: demartini.fm/knowyourvalues
Claim Your Free Gift: demartini.fm/astro
Join our Facebook community: demartini.ink/inspired
Mentioned in this episode:
The Breakthrough Experience
For More Information or to book for The Breakthrough Experience visit: demartini.fm/seminar
All pairs of opposites are born together, they rise and they contract,
Speaker:and agreements and disagreements, and the laws of similarities and differences,
Speaker:and the law of the one and the many, the union and division process,
Speaker:have been sustained through time.
Speaker:The study of peace, the study of peace is a
Speaker:topic called irenology.
Speaker:And the study of war is a topic called polemology,
Speaker:polemology.
Speaker:And these two studies have been studied all the way back to ancient Greece and
Speaker:possibly before that,
Speaker:but we can find literature to it and there's been a discussion of it and it's
Speaker:been discussed as inevitabilities. In other words,
Speaker:both of those sides of life are part of our nature.
Speaker:Every human being has a set of values,
Speaker:a set of priorities they live by and when their values are supported by someone,
Speaker:they tend to open up and are passive and more peaceful.
Speaker:And when their values are challenged,
Speaker:they tend to close down and they can get more challenging and,
Speaker:and more wrathful if you will, more conflict oriented.
Speaker:And so every human being has the capacity for being a pussycat,
Speaker:or being a tiger.
Speaker:I know in my own life that I've when people are supportive of what I want,
Speaker:I'm pussycat, but if they start to challenge it and interfere with it,
Speaker:I can be a tiger. So I think we all have inside our nature,
Speaker:the capacity for both those polarities.
Speaker:And I like to think of them as a magnet. They're kind of inseparable.
Speaker:When we have one side, we also have the capacity for the other side,
Speaker:and we have a tendency to want to get rid of one half of ourselves and
Speaker:have only one side.
Speaker:And I'm going to do what I can to explain that that's not going to happen.
Speaker:yourself. It's not going to work.
Speaker:It's also been shown that when you put those two together,
Speaker:you maximize your growth and development. In other words,
Speaker:if you look very carefully,
Speaker:you've got people that fit in and join the crowd and others that stand out.
Speaker:And the people that stand out are usually brought in by the people that are
Speaker:trying to be a group, trying to, you know,
Speaker:ostracize them and try to get them into the group,
Speaker:but they stand out and they cause sort of a revolution and a challenge.
Speaker:But then that's what progress has made. It's been the, you know,
Speaker:the troublemakers, if we will,
Speaker:or the misfits or whatever that sometimes cause evolution and revolution of
Speaker:ideas.
Speaker:And so it's been shown that these things are essential for our development on a
Speaker:larger scale and an inner scale.
Speaker:I have had the opportunity to speak at some peace conferences.
Speaker:I've actually been two major peace conferences. And what's interesting is,
Speaker:I'd had some fun one in one time in Austria,
Speaker:we had very interesting people there. Dalai Lama was there,
Speaker:and a bunch of other people were there,
Speaker:and imagine him having to listen to me
people, I'm standing up in front of this,
Speaker:there are 200 delegates from around the world.
Speaker:And I asked them 'How many of you have moments of inner peace?'
Speaker:And of course at a peace conference,
Speaker:everybody's going to put their hand up and smile.
Speaker:They all put their hands up really quick. And I said, great. I said,
Speaker:'how many of you have moments of inner turmoil and conflict?' And everybody kind
Speaker:of looked at each other and didn't wanna put their hand up,
Speaker:because they're at a peace conference and they're supposed to be representing
Speaker:peace, right, this hypocrisy.
Speaker:And they all kind of looked at each other and finally,
Speaker:a few people started to put it up and you could see them hesitant because they
Speaker:didn't wanna be rejected. And I said, 'well,
Speaker:I certainly do.' And I listed some times when I was in turmoil and conflict.
Speaker:And once I did everybody put their hands up and they all giggled and laughed,
Speaker:because comedy is coming outta tragedy and tragedy is not living by the ideals
Speaker:and fantasies that people have. And I said now,
Speaker:so you have moments of inner calm and moments of inner turmoil.
Speaker:And people agreed with that. I mean,
Speaker:you really have to be kind of crazy not to see that that's showing up in your
Speaker:life. I said, 'then when you get together and you find your mate in life,
Speaker:regardless of gender, you find your mate,
Speaker:how many of you have total peace?' And they,
Speaker:of course they giggled and laughed and they go, oh God, no. I said,
Speaker:'well I have moments of calm and you know, peace.
Speaker:And I have moments of turmoil when I'm in a relationship.
Speaker:How many many of you have that?' And they gradually put their hands up,
Speaker:but they didn't wanna admit it at first. But they did. I said, 'well,
Speaker:so you have moments of calm and moments of turmoil?' And they go,
Speaker:'yeah.' 'So in yourself you have moments of calm and turmoil.
Speaker:When you're in a relationship with somebody else,
Speaker:you have moments of calm and turmoil, agreements and disagreements,
Speaker:cooperation and competitions.' And they agreed. And I said,
Speaker:'Now when you are in moments of agreement and you make love and you
Speaker:have a child that's now formed, when the child is born,
Speaker:how many would agree that you finally get total peace?' And of course they all
Speaker:laughed and then they go, no. I said,
Speaker:'well there's times when it coos and times when it poos, if if you will,
Speaker:there's times when it you know,
Speaker:has pleasure and laughs and giggles and other times when it's not,
Speaker:and it's sometimes screaming and you're wanting to conflict, you want to go, ah,
Speaker:crazy.' And I said, 'well,
Speaker:how many of you have moments of calm and turmoil when you have kids?' And they
Speaker:all agreed pretty on that one pretty quickly. I said,
Speaker:'now when you get with your family and you get your brothers and sisters family,
Speaker:in a family reunion,
Speaker:how many agree you have total peace?' And of course they laughed because nobody
Speaker:had a peaceful family. They had a peaceful and turmoiled family,
Speaker:agreements and disagreements were there. I said,
Speaker:'so now your family has agreements and disagreements and cooperation and
Speaker:competition, and pleasures and pains, and nice and mean, and kind and cruels,
Speaker:and peace and war.' And they all agreed. And I said, 'now,
Speaker:when you go to your business and you have people working in your business,
Speaker:how many agree that you have groups that are clicks that are kind of in groups
Speaker:and out groups and moments of peace and moments of conflict?'
Speaker:And they all agreed. They come to that realization. And then I said,
Speaker:'now I got a question for you.
Speaker:How does world peace come about when in all levels of dynamic
Speaker:there's both sides?' And they all just pause for a second.
Speaker:Here they are at a peace conference and wanting to create world peace.
Speaker:But then I stopped and I was the misfit in the group. And I said, 'well,
Speaker:at what point does world peace somehow miraculously come about when no
Speaker:individual or group or family or whatever comes to that realization?' And then
Speaker:they kind of paused. And they were like hit with this kind of obvious thing.
Speaker:I said, 'Are you familiar with the global peace index?' And some of them were,
Speaker:and some of 'em weren't, most of 'em weren't. I said,
Speaker:what they do is they take 99.7% of the world's population
Speaker:And they monitor it for a certain criteria, I think 26/7 criteriaS.
Speaker:And they monitor the degree of peace and war in the world.
Speaker:And they've been monitoring them for decades now.
Speaker:And what's interesting is when they actually measure it,
Speaker:it fluctuates around a medium point, of peace and war.
Speaker:So you see on a global scale, a balance of peace and war,
Speaker:and they have an index on the amount of peace and war going on in the different
Speaker:countries. And so my observation was on that scale, you still got it.
Speaker:There's evidence of it. I mean, profound evidence on that.
Speaker:And if you look at the historical boundaries of any nation or any
Speaker:continent for that matter, particularly Europe,
Speaker:and you look at it over 1000 years,
Speaker:you can go online and actually look at the boundaries changing online,
Speaker:in time lapse photography of where the country's expanded and contracted.
Speaker:And every one of them that had conflicts and peace treaties that were there,
Speaker:you'll see that it's a constant emergence and submergence of a country growing
Speaker:and declining, et cetera through time.
Speaker:And we're in the middle of that right now.
Speaker:But we tend to think that the way it is right now, that is the way it is,
Speaker:and that's the way it always will be.
Speaker:But the reality is it's constantly under dynamic transformation going on.
Speaker:So go and take that,
Speaker:look it up on the 1000 years of the boundaries in Europe or whatever,
Speaker:and you'll see this, not hard to find.
Speaker:So I'm not a promoter of one sidedness.
Speaker:I'm not a promoter of you're going to agree all the time.
Speaker:I'm not a promoter that you're going to conflict all the time.
Speaker:I'm a promoter that you're going to have both in life and to expect a one
Speaker:sided world, a fantasy of one side,
Speaker:is going to end up leading you to the other side.
Speaker:only one side of the magnet. And you go, 'well,
Speaker:I just want the positive poll the magnet.
Speaker:I don't want that negative poll of the magnet.' And you cut it in half and you
Speaker:get a positive and negative, and a positive and negative,
Speaker:and you cut that in half and you get a positive and negative,
Speaker:positive and negative, positive and negative, positive and negative.
Speaker:No matter what you do, you get those pairs of opposites. And Heraclitus,
Speaker:the Greek philosopher, I don't know if that's pronounced, right but,
Speaker:if all of a sudden you take his teachings from way back,
Speaker:2,500 years ago about, you'll find out that he was referring to this,
Speaker:all pairs of opposites are born together. They arise and they contract,
Speaker:and agreements and disagreements, and the laws of similarities and differences,
Speaker:and the law of the one and the many, the union and division process,
Speaker:have been sustained through time. And no matter what we have,
Speaker:even in the law of chaos, modern chaos theory,
Speaker:there's a law of a eristic escalation that the second you try to impose order on
Speaker:people, chaos ensues, and the second you try to create chaos, order comes about.
Speaker:We see that all the time. And so if you look very carefully,
Speaker:you'll see that these are pairs of opposites. And now the question is,
Speaker:is why is this that way? Why is there a pair of opposites sitting there?
Speaker:And why is it futile to try to get one side without the other? Oh,
Speaker:you may have a moment like that.
Speaker:You may have a moment of calm and then you'll have a moment of turmoil. In fact,
Speaker:if I ask people, and I've asked thousands of people in my seminars,
Speaker:in my Breakthrough Experience program, and my other programs,
Speaker:how many of you have moments of calm and moments of turmoil?
Speaker:Everybody puts their hand up.
Speaker:How many of you had both peace and war in your family?
Speaker:Everybody puts their hand up pretty well, even though they don't want it.
Speaker:And what's interesting is we have this delusion that it's a dysfunctional family
Speaker:if it has both. That is a higher function,
Speaker:not appreciated. Now that leads me to a realization of something.
Speaker:You have a set of priorities,
Speaker:and you know I'm not going to go through any talk without talking about values,
Speaker:but you have a set of priorities, a set of values in your life,
Speaker:things that are most important to least important in your life. And
Speaker:whatever is highest on your value is where you're spontaneously inspired to act
Speaker:and where you activate the executive center, when you're acting that way,
Speaker:and you're more centered and more balanced in your orientation.
Speaker:But if you try to do something that's low on your values,
Speaker:you're going to need motivation to do it. And when you do it,
Speaker:you're going to feel unfulfilled. And you're going to go and activate,
Speaker:not the executive center, but the amygdala, the subcortical amygdala.
Speaker:The amygdala wants to avoid pain and seek pleasure. Avoid predator, seek prey.
Speaker:It's in survival. It's a survival center.
Speaker:The executive center is a thrival center.
Speaker:A thrival center is where you're more objective and objectivity means neutral.
Speaker:And when you're highly polarized in your amygdala and wanna avoid pain and seek
Speaker:pleasure, you're going to seek pleasure, but you're also going to seek pride,
Speaker:because you don't want to have shame, you wanna be proud.
Speaker:And you're going to seek fantasy and you wanna avoid a nightmare.
Speaker:So as a result of it, you set unrealistic expectations and you get arrogant,
Speaker:when you're down in your amygdala. And you think you're right.
Speaker:And when you get arrogant,
Speaker:you tend to project your values onto people and don't meet their needs
Speaker:and then they have conflict, to humble you away from the fantasy and the pride.
Speaker:So nature has a way inside you automatically that
Speaker:unfulfilled state, living by lower values,
Speaker:you automatically activate this amygdala,
Speaker:you look for fantasies which are unrealistic, that you project onto people,
Speaker:and you go into addiction of pride and you wanna be right.
Speaker:And whenever you wanna be right and you hold onto a fantasy and then you expect
Speaker:others to live in your values, you automatically end up with conflict,
Speaker:to humble down that amygdala's addiction to peace.
Speaker:It's looking for prey trying to avoid predator.
Speaker:The prey makes you feel supportive of you and it's anabolic to the body.
Speaker:The predator is catabolic and it's challenging to you
Speaker:That's why you have an autonomic nervous system with a parasympathetic and
Speaker:sympathetic for building and destroying inside your own body.
Speaker:You have reduction and oxidation, which is in your body.
Speaker:You have mitosis and apoptosis, which is in your body,
Speaker:which is build and destroy. You have a parasympathetic sympathetic,
Speaker:which build and destroy. You have pride and shame,
Speaker:which is built up and destroyed. You have inherently these pairs of opposites.
Speaker:You have facilitation and inhibition in your neurology,
Speaker:which is build and destroy.
Speaker:And what's interesting is you're constantly having
Speaker:homeostasis. Walter Cannon wrote a book, The Wisdom of the Body,
Speaker:it's trying to bring your body into homeostasis, a balance of these two.
Speaker:And when you have that, you have resilience and adaptability,
Speaker:and you're actually most adapted to a changing environment and you're most
Speaker:fulfilled in life.
Speaker:So when you live by your highest values and you go into objectivity and your
Speaker:executive center, you thrive by embracing both sides.
Speaker:And when you go into your amygdala and you're in survival,
Speaker:you wanna avoid one side and seek the other side because you're afraid you're
Speaker:going to get killed. And so in the process of doing,
Speaker:it then leads to the other side. The more you're addicted to peace,
Speaker:the more you attract a conflict, to balance it out.
Speaker:It's almost like the more you try to eat prey,
Speaker:the more the predator comes and eats you.
Speaker:And then the more you're addicted to one side,
Speaker:the more the other side is drawn into your life.
Speaker:It's an old proverb that whatever you try to run away from you keep running
Speaker:into.
Speaker:So nature automatically has these pairs of opposites.
Speaker:And when we finally appreciate these two sides and understand the importance of
Speaker:them, we stop looking for a one sided world.
Speaker:And what's interesting is if you study peace and war and I've been doing that
Speaker:for quite a while,
Speaker:you'll find out that as there's peace going on in one part of the country,
Speaker:another part of the world, war's breaking out. When the iron curtain came down,
Speaker:we ended up having all these conflicts in Africa. And so it's migrating around,
Speaker:and I remember reading a book from Harvard called the Balance of Powers and it
Speaker:showed that there was a complete balance of peace of war across the planet going
Speaker:on and it was just migrating around. And if you look very carefully,
Speaker:when you're at peace with somebody in your family,
Speaker:sometimes you'll have conflict at the office. In fact,
Speaker:sometimes I noticed whenever I would have conflict at home,
Speaker:then I would end up having peaceful, all the people where like me at the work,
Speaker:and sometimes I'd have the like at home or like at work and then
Speaker:I'd get the conflict at home.
Speaker:So I stopped the fantasy of looking for a one sided world.
Speaker:And I embraced the idea that you need both. The same for praise and criticism.
Speaker:The more you're addicted to praise,
Speaker:the more criticism hurt and the more you're going to be frightened and run away
Speaker:from it.
Speaker:And the more you're going to get addicted to a support and pride building
Speaker:situation,
Speaker:which eventually humbles you because you tend to project your values onto people
Speaker:and expect them to live in your values and think you're right.
Speaker:So pride before the fall.
Speaker:And the criticism is a necessary part to break the addiction to the pride.
Speaker:So these are two sides of life. They're two pairs, the pair of opposites,
Speaker:if you will.
Speaker:And maximum growth and development occurs at the border of the two sides.
Speaker:And love is the synthesis of the two sides.
Speaker:I've demonstrated that in my Breakthrough Experience program,
Speaker:which I've been teaching now for many years, 33 years, and shown that the,
Speaker:go to the moment where somebody's criticized you and you'll find out there's
Speaker:somebody supporting you and vice versa, but you may not be aware of it.
Speaker:And it's unconscious.
Speaker:And I always say that peace is an unconsciousness of the conflict.
Speaker:And war is an unconscious of the peace.
Speaker:When George Bush was there and he brought down Saddam Hussein,
Speaker:he thought we finally have peace. No,
Speaker:we just end up with a different set of turmoils in different locations and
Speaker:initiating different conflicts.
Speaker:The idea that we've got a one sided world is futile.
Speaker:I'm not going to promote that.
Speaker:You're probably thinking that's bizarre because everybody else is trying to,
Speaker:but I don't find that productive.
Speaker:I think if you wanna be able to end up having a communication with people
Speaker:and not alternating monologues,
Speaker:there's a secret you can help build this and bring these into moderation and
Speaker:appreciate them.
Speaker:A healthy dialectic of difference of opinions is essential for evolution.
Speaker:And so instead of sitting there and wanting everybody
Speaker:have a disagreement, it's wise to have a dialogue of communication,
Speaker:where you can perceive that what they offer serves you and what you offer,
Speaker:serves them.
Speaker:I teach people in the Breakthrough Experience program
Speaker:training,
Speaker:I explain to 'em that if you can see that what they're dedicated in their
Speaker:highest values is helping you fulfill what you're dedicated in your highest
Speaker:values, your increasing the probability of having a dialogue.
Speaker:But if you think that your values are right and their values are less,
Speaker:you're going to talk down to them,
Speaker:they're going to have their values challenged,
Speaker:they're going to activate their sympathetic nervous system,
Speaker:which is going to activate their testosterone,
Speaker:they're going to get aggressive back to you until you humble yourself back and
Speaker:level the playing field.
Speaker:It appears to me that everything that's going on in life is trying to get us
Speaker:authentic. And when we're proud, we're not authentic.
Speaker:When we're shamed and put down, we're not authentic. When we are ourselves,
Speaker:we're authentic. And so if we get proud, we get criticism to bring us down.
Speaker:When we get down, we get, you know, support to build us up.
Speaker:And so one is a challenge, which is conflict and war.
Speaker:One is support and that's peace. And so nature is constantly doing it.
Speaker:When you humble yourself, people are more peaceful to you,
Speaker:when you're challenged and get cocky, they are more aggressive to you.
Speaker:The tall poppy syndrome and the dole, you might say in some countries.
Speaker:So I'm not interested in trying to be one sided.
Speaker:I'm interested in integrating the pairs of opposites inside our nature and
Speaker:appreciating the differences.
Speaker:And what I've done in the Breakthrough Experience program,
Speaker:I've taken every trait that we've seen in other people and looked at where,
Speaker:and when you displayed the trait and when you find the similarities more than
Speaker:the differences of where you've done the same thing,
Speaker:you tend to move towards peace. When you see differences, 'oh,
Speaker:I would never do that, I pride myself on never being that',
Speaker:you got the conflict.
Speaker:So what happens is when you see a balance of similarities and differences,
Speaker:when you have a balance of the one and the many, union and division,
Speaker:peace and war, marriage and divorce,
Speaker:which is another one of those pairs of opposites,
Speaker:when you see the balance of those, you have love. In fact, if you have,
Speaker:if you look at it very carefully, the people you love,
Speaker:you're going to have the most you know, support and challenge by.
Speaker:You're going to have times when you wanna hug 'em and times when you wanna slug
Speaker:them. That's inevitable.
Speaker:So instead of sitting there living in a fantasy of a one sided world,
Speaker:it's wiser to embrace the two sides of life.
Speaker:And I find the people that have the most inner turmoil,
Speaker:like to search for peace and the people that have the most inner peace like to
Speaker:stir up and tease people and challenge people.
Speaker:I find that these are pairs of opposites again, inside our own nature.
Speaker:And so if you look on the world around the world, all seven areas of life,
Speaker:our spiritual quest, mental development, our business, our finance,
Speaker:our social life, our family life, our health, there's peace and war going on.
Speaker:We even have the war against cancer and the war against diabetes,
Speaker:there's peace and war going on at all times in the seven areas of life.
Speaker:And all we're doing is moving and migrating 'em around to balance out the
Speaker:agreements and disagreements, and cooperation and competition,
Speaker:the creative destructive nature of evolution.
Speaker:The evolution must have both of these to evolve.
Speaker:We need both of these to evolve.
Speaker:So what's interesting is we can put these things together and we can integrate
Speaker:'em when we live by our highest values, they're integrated.
Speaker:And when we're trying to live by lower values, we disintegrate,
Speaker:and we then tend to polarize. We tend to separate the inseparables,
Speaker:divide the Indivisibles, label the unlabelbles, name the ineffable's,
Speaker:and you know, divide the Indivisibles, when we are in our amygdala,
Speaker:and we tend to integrate them in our executive function.
Speaker:The highest part of the brain integrates the pairs of opposites.
Speaker:And so it has a dialogue. A dialogue is a communication with equal sides.
Speaker:If you're puffed up and proud and you talk down to somebody,
Speaker:you're going to project your values onto them and expect them to live in your
Speaker:values. When you're humble,
Speaker:you're going to inject their values and you expect to live in their values.
Speaker:Neither one of 'em are obtainable. They're futile. They cannot sustain.
Speaker:They're both non-sustainable. But when you level the playing field,
Speaker:and you can see that what they're dedicated to is
Speaker:to, and what you're dedicated to is serving what they're dedicated to,
Speaker:and you can actually appreciate them,
Speaker:even though there's differences and even though there's a different opinion,
Speaker:you can see how it serves you and you both can grow, that's a dialectic.
Speaker:And that's also a dialogue. And a dialogue is communicative.
Speaker:And these alternating monologs, where you're talking down, or you're talking up,
Speaker:walking on egg shells or telling 'em what to do, they're not sustainable.
Speaker:Anytime you hear yourself saying to somebody else, you
Speaker:you 'got to', you 'have to', you 'must', you 'need to',
Speaker:or you're saying to yourself, I 'should', I 'ought to', I 'got to', I 'have to',
Speaker:I 'must', I 'need to', you're basically in an imbalanced state,
Speaker:those are imperative communication systems, which causes resistance.
Speaker:So we have the capacity by living by priority and living in our highest values
Speaker:to get more resilient and get more adaptable and get more equitable,
Speaker:and have more likely to have communication and embrace the peace and war,
Speaker:instead of trying to avoid it. Embrace the challenge and the differences.
Speaker:I've said for many years,
Speaker:that if you're not pursuing challenges that inspire you your day is going to
Speaker:fill up with challenges that don't.
Speaker:When you can actually go and find out that the problems in the world are what
Speaker:give people the opportunity to be of service, to have fulfillment in life,
Speaker:those problems are conflicts in many cases, and having that, I mean,
Speaker:I've been hired to deal with conflict, my job helps dealing with conflict.
Speaker:That's one of the most common things I'm getting to deal with.
Speaker:People are having conflicts or whatever, and then I have a job out of it.
Speaker:So that must not be too bad because I'm making a living out of having people
Speaker:have conflict.
Speaker:And I also have people that are at peace and they're bored sometimes.
Speaker:So I've seen people that have necessity for both of these sides.
Speaker:And giving yourself permission to embrace both these sides is the key to
Speaker:fulfillment in life. So instead of searching for one side,
Speaker:embrace both sides of life.
Speaker:I guarantee you nobody's ever beat you up as much as you have.
Speaker:And nobody's built you up as much as you have.
Speaker:And if you sit in there and blaming somebody on the outside for these two
Speaker:polarities,
Speaker:you're not going to go as far as if you look inside and reflect and realize that
Speaker:you have 'em yourself.
Speaker:And when people remind you of what you don't love in yourself,
Speaker:you get retaliative.
Speaker:And they show that the orbital frontal region of the cortex,
Speaker:there's an area that's called the rage center.
Speaker:It works with the limbic system and the hypothalamus and it works with the
Speaker:amygdala and it can cause rage,
Speaker:and the same chemistries that are involved in peace are sometimes also involved
Speaker:in war, because it can just flip that switch and go in the other direction.
Speaker:We've all had it where all of a sudden you're in this really intimate moment
Speaker:with your spouse,
Speaker:and all of a sudden you find out that they had a telephone call by some other
Speaker:male or female or whatever, and now you will go into rage,
Speaker:and you can flip in seconds, just by having a change in perception.
Speaker:That's why I teach the Breakthrough Experience and
Speaker:because that's probably the most powerful way of integrating the pairs of
Speaker:opposites and integrating the peace and war components.
Speaker:The irenology and polemology of our existence.
Speaker:By going in there and asking yourself,
Speaker:where do you do whatever you see in others, you calm down the differences,
Speaker:level the playing field, which allows dialogue.
Speaker:And that means you own the things you admire because if not,
Speaker:if you can't own what you admire in people,
Speaker:you're going to be the underdog and you're going to be walking on eggshells and
Speaker:you're going to be injecting their values and you're going to have futility.
Speaker:And eventually you eventually get resentment and you say,
Speaker:I've sacrificed enough for you. And if you talk down to 'em,
Speaker:you're going to end up causing them to not listen and retaliate.
Speaker:So if you own the traits of people around you and find the heroes and villains
Speaker:around you, the peace and the challenges around you,
Speaker:if you go in there and own all those traits and discover
Speaker:you see in them and have reflective awareness, you level the playing field,
Speaker:you have equanimity within you and equity between them,
Speaker:and your dialogue is born instead of alternating monologues.
Speaker:And you liberate yourself from the angst of trying to get a one sided world down
Speaker:in the amygdala. The amygdala is looking for a one sided world.
Speaker:The majority of people are stuck in their amygdala.
Speaker:They're not fulfilled in their life. They're not living
Speaker:And they're projecting their values onto people with pride and addicted to
Speaker:fantasies. And they project that onto people. We see it in the news.
Speaker:We see it in the media. We see it in politics. We see it in religion.
Speaker:And we have these moral hypocrisies that born out of it.
Speaker:And those are the very sources, believe it or not,
Speaker:of the very polarities that we're trying to stop.
Speaker:And that's the hypocrisy that we face,
Speaker:we point our finger that even in biblical language,
Speaker:they know that if you point your finger, three are pointing back at you.
Speaker:What you see in others is inside you.
Speaker:So actually taking the time and do the Demartini Method or what I teach in the
Speaker:Breakthrough Experience and actually go in there and identifying exactly what
Speaker:you perceive in others, inside you. What specific trait, action,
Speaker:inaction do you perceive them displaying or demonstrating that you despise most
Speaker:or admire most?
Speaker:And then go and look at where and when you display and demonstrate those
Speaker:behaviors.
Speaker:If you go in there and look at them and find the similarities in them,
Speaker:you calm down that, you level the playing field,
Speaker:you start a dialogue and you end up embracing the support and the challenge
Speaker:equally. And this is where you have mastery of life,
Speaker:instead of trying to avoid it, you embrace it. You know,
Speaker:I have a meeting in the mornings with a gentleman here from Yale,
Speaker:he's a professor at Yale and he and I go, we banter back and forth. In fact,
Speaker:if you look in your relationship,
Speaker:the way you know you've got a match in a relationship is you can banter.
Speaker:See if you're basically walking on eggshells and you're the underdog in a
Speaker:relationship, you're afraid to say the negatives,
Speaker:you're walking on eggshells and tippy toeing.
Speaker:And then when you're resentful to somebody,
Speaker:you're afraid to say the positives because you don't wanna mislead 'em.
Speaker:You wanna keep your options open. But if you are balanced,
Speaker:you keep yourself in check. Praise plus reprimand builds respect,
Speaker:because you get the balance of agreements and disagreements,
Speaker:and that's what makes a healthy relationship.
Speaker:And we gotta just translate that into a larger scale on the world and we get to
Speaker:understand the perfection of that. It's not out of order.
Speaker:It's only when it gets to extremes, then we react.
Speaker:But when we actually stop and look at that on a global scale and measure it out,
Speaker:we find it's a balanced state, global peace index. Look it up.
Speaker:So I'm not here to promote the idea of a one-sided world.
Speaker:I don't find that to be productive. I stopped that at age 30,
Speaker:I lived in the fantasy that we're supposed to have peace.
Speaker:I remember reading in the encyclopedia Botanica Albert Einstein went to this
Speaker:peace conference and he realized it was partly a farce and realized you better
Speaker:prepare for the conflict that's about to inevitably there,
Speaker:living in the fantasy of that is not going to get you anywhere.
Speaker:And he said that that whole thing was sort of a farce, and go read about it,
Speaker:go look it up and it's interesting. And you look at what's interesting,
Speaker:many of the Nobel prize, peace prize makers,
Speaker:were all involved in conflict
Without the conflict they wouldn't have a peace prize,
Speaker:because that was what gave them their peace prize, the solving of the conflict.
Speaker:But the second they solved the conflict,
Speaker:if they looked very carefully in some of those peace prize winners,
Speaker:a new conflict was born, but then the people didn't,
Speaker:they had a false attribution bias and they gave a credit for a peace,
Speaker:but they were actually involved in another conflict.
Speaker:So I'm not interested in having a one sided world.
Speaker:I don't find that to be productive.
Speaker:I'm interested in helping you embrace the both sides of life.
Speaker:You don't need to get rid of half of yourself to love yourself.
Speaker:You don't need to get rid of half of them to love them.
Speaker:They're going to challenge.
Speaker:But when they challenge you and they're at war with you,
Speaker:they may be letting you know that you're projecting your pride onto them,
Speaker:expecting them to live in your values with a fantasy,
Speaker:they may be there to humble you, they may be there for a reason,
Speaker:and they may be there for you to grow.
Speaker:I really believe that everything that's going on in the world is trying to guide
Speaker:you to an authentic state, a place of equanimity,
Speaker:to try to find the equalities between the people.
Speaker:And the equalities behind the people is not peace.
Speaker:The equalities behind the people are a balance of peace and war,
Speaker:a balance of similarities and differences.
Speaker:No two people have the same hierarchy of values.
Speaker:No two people can have the same viewpoint of life, vantage point.
Speaker:You're going to have differences. And if you look across the world,
Speaker:if you study values,
Speaker:you'll see that across the world there's a full spectrum of values from one
Speaker:extreme to the other.
Speaker:And what's interesting is you go out and you're looking for a mate,
Speaker:but you end up attracting somebody that's got a different set of values.
Speaker:You're almost,
Speaker:I joke with people in my seminar sometimes in the Breakthrough Experience that
Speaker:you know,
Speaker:the value of finding a mate is that you can find someone you can delegate lower
Speaker:priority things to, and they can delegate low priority things to you,
Speaker:because you have differences of values.
Speaker:And you have somebody that puts you to sleep at night when they talk about
Speaker:what's important to them sometimes. But if you can ask the question,
Speaker:how specifically is what they're dedicated to helping you what you're dedicated
Speaker:to, and how what you're dedicated to helping 'em
Speaker:and answer that a hundred times and make a link, you can have dialogue.
Speaker:And you can integrate that. That doesn't mean you're going to have peace.
Speaker:It means you're going to have a balance of peace and war in an organized
Speaker:fashion. When you do that, you have communication verbally.
Speaker:If it's not quite balanced, you've got gestural communication.
Speaker:And if it gets really imbalanced, you get aggressive communication.
Speaker:So we have the capacity to scale up into dialogue or scale down into fist
Speaker:fights. All of it's a form of communication.
Speaker:When you effectively learn how to communicate, you're
Speaker:When you're not effectively communicate, because you're down in your amygdala,
Speaker:you go into conflict,
Speaker:because you're setting up peace and war fantasies instead of embracing the two
Speaker:sides. So just as Heraclitus described that everything is born out of pairs of
Speaker:opposites and you can't have one without the other,
Speaker:when we finally embrace that and own both sides of ourself,
Speaker:the hero and the villain, the saint and the sinner inside ourselves,
Speaker:we're less likely to emotionally react with our executive center before we think
Speaker:we're more think before we react and we'll have dialogue and we'll appreciate
Speaker:the differences,
Speaker:and we can dialogue and converse about it and learn from each other because
Speaker:something that they're dedicated to can serve us and what we dedicate serves
Speaker:them.
Speaker:And there we embrace the balance of those two instead of escalate them into
Speaker:extremes.
Speaker:So I just wanted to take a few moments to talk about peace and war today.
Speaker:And hopefully that that little dissertation will make you think,
Speaker:but go and maybe study some of the topics I've just discussed and go study
Speaker:erinology and polemology, go study the great books of the Western world,
Speaker:the Syntopican volumes 2 on peace and war,
Speaker:and you'll see these pairs have been inevitably shown through history to be
Speaker:balanced.
Speaker:And go study the peace global peace index and go and put your thinking into it
Speaker:and look at your own life honestly.
Speaker:And you'll see that these things are pairs of opposites that are about what love
Speaker:is. Love is a synthesis and synchronous of pairs of pairs of opposites,
Speaker:and agreements and disagreements make up love.
Speaker:Welcome to the truth about life in my opinion,
Speaker:So I just wanted to share that with you and to help you on this find the hidden
Speaker:order in this chaos that we see in this world that we think is there,
Speaker:which actually has a hidden order to it,
Speaker:I have a free on-demand masterclass called the Discovering the Hidden Order that
Speaker:Unites and Empowers Us All.
Speaker:I know that the information in there on how to discover the order in the
Speaker:conflict will be worthy of the time spent. So come,
Speaker:please join me for the Discovering the Hidden Order that Unites the Empowers Us
Speaker:All. And so thank you for joining me for today.
Speaker:Please take the time to go and do the Value Determination process on my website,
Speaker:because it will help you understand how to live by higher priorities,
Speaker:where you're more resilient and adaptable.
Speaker:And if you can make it to the Breakthrough Experience,
Speaker:I'm telling you that will be an eye opener,
Speaker:learning the Demartini Method on how to dissolve conflicts and how to appreciate
Speaker:the two sides of life is gold. It'll help you in your transformation in life.
Speaker:So I look forward to seeing you next week. Thank you for joining me this week.
Speaker:Please take advantage of the master class and have a fantastic weekend and week