Artwork for podcast The Voice of Dog
“The Embrace” by Lou le Loup (read by Carrizo, part 1 of 2)
22nd June 2026 • The Voice of Dog • Rob MacWolf and guests
00:00:00 00:28:26

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Today’s story contains mention of self-destructive ideation, and self harm. Please listen at your own discretion.

When a friend drags Jay to his first pride event, he has to come to terms with aspects about himself and his dark past.

Today’s story is the first of two parts of “The Embrace” by Lou le Loup, a biologist and internet wolf who writes in his free time as a hobby. He posts his work to his Furaffinity.

Read by Carrizo, Your Coyote in the Court.

thevoice.dog | Apple podcasts | Spotify | Google Podcasts

If you have a story you think would be a good fit, you can check out the requirements, fill out the submission template and get in touch with us.

https://thevoice.dog/episode/the-embrace-by-lou-le-loup-part-1-of-2

Transcripts

Speaker:

You’re listening to

Speaker:

Pride

Speaker:

Month

Speaker:

on

Speaker:

The

Speaker:

Voice

Speaker:

of

Speaker:

Dog.

Speaker:

This

Speaker:

is

Speaker:

Rob

Speaker:

MacWolf, your

Speaker:

fellow

Speaker:

traveler,

Speaker:

and

Speaker:

Today’s

Speaker:

story

Speaker:

is

Speaker:

the

Speaker:

first

Speaker:

of

Speaker:

two

Speaker:

parts

Speaker:

of “The

Speaker:

Embrace”

Speaker:

by

Speaker:

Lou

Speaker:

le Loup, a

Speaker:

biologist

Speaker:

and

Speaker:

internet wolf who

Speaker:

writes

Speaker:

in

Speaker:

his

Speaker:

free

Speaker:

time

Speaker:

as

Speaker:

a

Speaker:

hobby.

Speaker:

He

Speaker:

posts

Speaker:

his

Speaker:

work

Speaker:

to

Speaker:

his

Speaker:

Furaffinity.

There

Speaker:

are

Speaker:

the

Speaker:

usual

Speaker:

excuses

Speaker:

of

course:

course:

it

course:

was

course:

what

course:

I

course:

was

course:

taught.

course:

I

course:

was

course:

only

course:

lashing

course:

out.

course:

I

course:

didn’t

course:

know.

course:

It

course:

was

course:

only

course:

the

course:

cycle

course:

of

course:

abuse,

course:

as

course:

was

course:

done

course:

unto

course:

me,

course:

I

course:

could

course:

not

course:

help

course:

but

course:

do

course:

onto

course:

others.

course:

All mere

course:

excuses,

course:

even

course:

if

course:

some

course:

of

course:

them

course:

are

course:

true.

course:

None

course:

of

course:

them

course:

change

course:

the

course:

fact

course:

of

course:

what

course:

must

course:

be

course:

done.

course:

Whatever

course:

parents

course:

we

course:

disown,

course:

whatever

course:

church

course:

and

course:

state

course:

we

course:

defy,

course:

whatever

course:

hostile

course:

strangers

course:

we

course:

face,

course:

the

course:

first,

course:

and

course:

last,

course:

homophobe

course:

we

course:

each

course:

must

course:

confront lies within.

Please enjoy


“The

course:

Embrace”

course:

by

course:

Lou

course:

le Loup,

course:

part 1

course:

of 2.

They

course:

say

course:

that,

course:

in

course:

the

course:

moments

course:

before

course:

you

course:

die,

course:

you

course:

see

course:

your

course:

life

course:

flash

course:

before

course:

your

course:

eyes.

course:

Maybe

course:

not

course:

your

course:

whole

course:

life,

course:

but

course:

at

course:

least

course:

the

course:

most

course:

important

course:

and

course:

impactful

course:

bits

course:

show

course:

up

course:

all

course:

at

course:

once.

course:

I had

course:

always

course:

wondered

course:

if

course:

this

course:

would

course:

happen

course:

to

course:

me

course:

when

course:

my

course:

time

course:

finally

course:

came,

course:

and

course:

what

course:

I

course:

would

course:

see

course:

when

course:

it

course:

happened.
There

course:

were

course:

times,

course:

many

course:

times,

course:

that

course:

I

course:

thought

course:

about

course:

finding

course:

out

course:

for

course:

myself

course:

on

course:

my

course:

own

course:

terms,

course:

once

course:

and

course:

for

course:

all.

course:

The

course:

day

course:

came

course:

when

course:

I

course:

decided

course:

to

course:

finally

course:

follow

course:

through,

course:

though

course:

in

course:

the

course:

end,

course:

I

course:

couldn’t

course:

bring

course:

myself

course:

to

course:

do

course:

it. I

course:

still

course:

didn’t

course:

have

course:

my

course:

answer,

course:

and

course:

I

course:

only

course:

felt

course:

bitter

course:

with

course:

myself for

course:

being

course:

a

course:

coward.
But

course:

years

course:

after

course:

I

course:

backed

course:

away

course:

from

course:

the

course:

ledge

course:

at

course:

the

course:

end

course:

of

course:

that

course:

old

course:

dirt

course:

road,

course:

I

course:

couldn’t

course:

be

course:

more

course:

grateful

course:

for

course:

my

course:

supposed “failure”.

course:

Years

course:

after

course:

this

course:

happened,

course:

I

course:

got

course:

my

course:

answer.

course:

Only,

course:

not

course:

in

course:

any

course:

way

course:

that

course:

I

course:

would

course:

have

course:

ever

course:

expected.

~~~~

“JAY!” Lav

course:

shouted

course:

my

course:

name as

course:

she

course:

banged

course:

on

course:

my

course:

front door. “JAAAAAAY!!!!!!” Pound, pound, pound.
Jolted up from

course:

the

course:

couch

course:

at

course:

the

course:

sudden

course:

noise,

course:

I

course:

rushed

course:

to

course:

answer. “What

course:

the

course:

hell

course:

is

course:

it??”

course:

I

course:

asked

course:

as

course:

I

course:

swung

course:

open

course:

the

course:

door.
The

course:

deer

course:

looked

course:

straight

course:

at

course:

me.

course:

She

course:

looked

course:

nice,

course:

all

course:

dressed

course:

up

course:

pretty

course:

in

course:

makeup

course:

and

course:

a

course:

typical

course:

outfit

course:

for

course:

going

course:

out.

course:

Her

course:

urgent

course:

demeanor

course:

faded

course:

as

course:

she

course:

feigned

course:

innocence. “Hi!”

course:

she

course:

said

course:

softly,

course:

putting

course:

on

course:

a

course:

smile,

course:

and

course:

lifting

course:

a

course:

hoof

course:

to

course:

wave

course:

at

course:

me.
I

course:

stared

course:

at

course:

her

course:

for

course:

a

course:

few

course:

seconds,

course:

contemplating

course:

closing

course:

the

course:

door

course:

again. “...Hi.”

course:

I

course:

eventually

course:

said

course:

back

course:

to

course:

her.
She

course:

looked

course:

me

course:

up

course:

and

course:

down,

course:

arching

course:

an

course:

eyebrow. “Oh,

course:

you

course:

are

course:

not

course:

wearing

course:

that

course:

tonight,

course:

you

course:

hobo,”

course:

she

course:

said.
“What?”

course:

I

course:

said,

course:

looking

course:

down

course:

at

course:

my

course:

stained

course:

t-shirt

course:

and

course:

sweat

course:

pants.

course:

I

course:

had

course:

no

course:

idea

course:

what

course:

she

course:

was

course:

talking

course:

about.

course:

For

course:

all

course:

I

course:

knew,

course:

I

course:

was

course:

just

course:

going

course:

to

course:

stay

course:

in

course:

and

course:

play

course:

video

course:

games. “Wearing

course:

this

course:

to

course:

what?”
And

course:

her

course:

frantic

course:

demeanor

course:

was

course:

back. “DID

course:

YOU

course:

NOT

course:

GET

course:

MY

course:

TEXT?”

course:

she

course:

practically

course:

yelled

course:

at

course:

me.
I

course:

put

course:

my

course:

paws

course:

into

course:

my

course:

face. “You

course:

know

course:

how

course:

much

course:

I

course:

hate

course:

texting,”

course:

I

course:

said. “I

course:

can’t

course:

figure

course:

the

course:

damn

course:

cell

course:

phone

course:

out

course:

and

course:

my

course:

stupid

course:

fat

course:

thumbs

course:

are

course:

too

course:

big

course:

for

course:

those

course:

tiny

course:

buttons.

course:

Just

course:

call

course:

me

course:

instead.”
“Oh,

course:

you

course:

know

course:

that

course:

won’t

course:

happen,”

course:

Lav

course:

scoffed. “I’m

course:

not

course:

regressing

course:

back 10

course:

years

course:

just

course:

because

course:

you’re

course:

too

course:

old and

course:

decrepit

course:

to

course:

figure

course:

out

course:

how

course:

to

course:

use

course:

a

course:

flip

course:

phone."
“Wow.

course:

Burn.

course:

You

course:

got me,

course:

yeah, 24

course:

is

course:

ancient,” I

course:

said.

course:

With

course:

how

course:

much she

course:

had

course:

helped

course:

me

course:

out

course:

the

course:

past

course:

year,

course:

I

course:

wanted

course:

to

course:

be

course:

polite

course:

and

course:

humor her,

course:

but

course:

at

course:

the

course:

same

course:

time,

course:

I

course:

wasn’t

course:

in

course:

the

course:

mood. I

course:

just

course:

wanted

course:

to

course:

disappear

course:

into

course:

my

course:

room

course:

for

course:

the

course:

night.

course:

Same

course:

as

course:

every

course:

night.

course:

But

course:

I

course:

knew

course:

she

course:

wouldn’t

course:

let

course:

me

course:

have

course:

that,

course:

not

course:

when

course:

she

course:

got

course:

like

course:

this.

course:

So

course:

I

course:

just

course:

asked, “Why,

course:

what

course:

was

course:

the

course:

message?”
Lav

course:

looked

course:

more

course:

than

course:

annoyed

course:

to

course:

pull

course:

out

course:

her

course:

own

course:

cell

course:

phone,

course:

but

course:

I

course:

knew

course:

she

course:

was

course:

just

course:

joking

course:

around,

course:

always

course:

the

course:

drama

course:

queen.

course:

She

course:

showed

course:

me

course:

the

course:

message

course:

she

course:

sent

me:

“u.

me:

me. pick u up at 7 2nite. ur GOING.” Attached to

me:

the

me:

message

me:

was

me:

a

me:

picture

me:

that

me:

was

me:

too

me:

pixelly

me:

to

me:

make

me:

out,

me:

but

me:

I

me:

recognized

me:

what

me:

was

me:

in

me:

the

me:

photo. It

me:

was

me:

a

me:

bright

me:

pink

me:

poster

me:

in

me:

a

me:

hidden

me:

corner

me:

of

me:

the

me:

campus

me:

that

me:

Lav

me:

had

me:

spoken

me:

to

me:

me

me:

about.

me:

Every

me:

time

me:

I

me:

passed

me:

it

me:

by

me:

myself,

me:

I

me:

stared

me:

at

me:

it

me:

a

me:

bit

me:

too

me:

long.

me:

It

read:

“First

read:

Rainbow

read:

Social

read:

of Fall ‘06!

read:

All

read:

are welcome! BYOB!”

read:

with

read:

a

read:

location,

read:

time,

read:

and

read:

today’s

read:

date

read:

at

read:

the

read:

bottom.
My

read:

blood

read:

went

read:

cold

read:

as

read:

I

read:

realized

read:

what

read:

it was,

read:

and I…
I…
I was 12, in

read:

middle

read:

school,

read:

wondering

read:

why

read:

my

read:

friends

read:

wouldn’t

read:

stop

read:

talking

read:

about

read:

the

read:

girls

read:

they

read:

liked.

read:

I

read:

wondered

read:

if

read:

I

read:

should

read:

talk

read:

like

read:

them,

read:

too.

read:

I

read:

wondered

read:

why

read:

I

read:

never

read:

thought

read:

about

read:

girls

read:

like they did,

read:

why

read:

I wasn’t

read:

normal,

read:

what

read:

was

read:

wrong

read:

with

read:

me…

read:

I

read:

hated

read:

myself

read:

for

read:

it.
I

read:

snapped

read:

back

read:

to

read:

the

read:

present. “Lav,

read:

I

read:

don’t

read:

know

read:

if

read:

I’m

read:

ready…”
She

read:

must

read:

have

read:

seen

read:

my

read:

change

read:

in

read:

demeanor,

read:

because

read:

her

read:

dramatic

read:

façade

read:

dropped

read:

and

read:

she

read:

became

read:

the

read:

supportive

read:

friend

read:

that

read:

helped

read:

me

read:

get

read:

back

read:

on

read:

my

read:

feet

read:

the

read:

past

read:

year. “Hey,

read:

hey,”

read:

she said, “it’s gonna be okay. This will be

read:

good

read:

for

read:

you!

read:

It’ll

read:

get

read:

you

read:

out

read:

of

read:

the

read:

house,

read:

and

read:

you can

read:

meet

read:

other

read:

g-”
I

read:

flinched. “Please,”

read:

I

read:

said,

read:

trying

read:

not

read:

to

read:

sound

read:

like

read:

I

read:

was

read:

begging.
Lav

read:

nodded. “Other…

read:

people

read:

like

read:

you.

read:

Look,

read:

you’re

read:

not

read:

going

read:

to

read:

meet

read:

anyone

read:

else

read:

cooped

read:

up

read:

in

read:

here,

read:

and

read:

everyone

read:

who’ll

read:

be

read:

there

read:

might

read:

just

read:

be

read:

able

read:

to

read:

understand

read:

what

read:

you’re

read:

going

read:

through.

read:

And

read:

besides,

read:

a

read:

big

read:

scary

read:

wolf

read:

like

read:

you

read:

should

read:

have

read:

nothing

read:

to

read:

fear

read:

around

read:

there!

read:

They

read:

should

read:

be

read:

scared

read:

of

read:

YOU!”

read:

she

read:

said,

read:

lightly

read:

punching

read:

my

read:

shoulder.
     “Lav…”

read:

My

read:

voice

read:

was

read:

shaking. “That’s

read:

what

read:

I’m

read:

afraid

read:

of.

read:

I

read:

don’t

read:

think

read:

I’d

read:

be

read:

welcome.”

read:

My

read:

throat felt

read:

dry. “And… and what if Matthew is there?”
     “Well, it’s

read:

been

read:

over

read:

two

read:

years.

read:

He’s

read:

had

read:

some

read:

time

read:

to

read:

heal.”
     “But

read:

what if

read:

he

read:

hasn’t

read:

yet?”
     Lav

read:

paused

read:

briefly. “Do

read:

you

read:

want

read:

him

read:

to

read:

stay

read:

hurt

read:

and

read:

upset

read:

with

read:

you

read:

forever?”

read:

she

read:

asked.
     “Of

read:

course

read:

not,

read:

but…”
     “Then,

read:

if

read:

he’s

read:

there,

read:

tonight

read:

would

read:

be

read:

a

read:

perfect

read:

opportunity

read:

to

read:

apologize

read:

and

read:

start

read:

to

read:

make

read:

up

read:

for

read:

it.”
     “Lav…”
     “Jay,”

read:

she

read:

said. “Look.

read:

You

read:

skipped

read:

out

read:

on

read:

all

read:

of

read:

these

read:

meet ups

read:

last

read:

year,

read:

and

read:

you’ve

read:

always

read:

been

read:

mad

read:

at

read:

yourself

read:

about

read:

it.

read:

I

read:

know

read:

you,

read:

and you’ve

read:

grown

read:

so

read:

much

read:

since

read:

then.

read:

Even

read:

if

read:

you’re

read:

scared,

read:

I

read:

know

read:

you’d

read:

regret

read:

not

read:

going

read:

more

read:

than

read:

you’d

read:

ever

read:

regret

read:

going.”
I

read:

sighed.

read:

She

read:

was

read:

right.

read:

Although

read:

I

read:

was

read:

petrified

read:

to

read:

go,

read:

deep

read:

down,

read:

I

read:

was

read:

so

read:

sick

read:

of

read:

wallowing

read:

in

read:

my

read:

own

read:

self-pity.

read:

It

read:

was

read:

now

read:

or

read:

never.

read:

So

read:

reluctantly,

read:

I

read:

let

read:

Lav

read:

take

read:

the

read:

lead. “...Okay,”

read:

I

read:

finally

read:

managed

read:

to

read:

say.
“Okay,

read:

big

read:

guy!!!”

read:

she

read:

cheered,

read:

and

read:

brought

read:

me

read:

in

read:

for

read:

a

read:

hug.

read:

The

read:

sudden

read:

full

read:

body

read:

touch

read:

surprised

read:

me.

read:

I

read:

didn’t

read:

know

read:

how

read:

to

read:

react,

read:

and

read:

I

read:

didn’t

read:

hug

read:

her

read:

back.

read:

She

read:

seemed

read:

unphased

read:

by

read:

this

read:

as

read:

she

read:

let

read:

go. “Now

read:

come

read:

on,

read:

it

read:

starts

read:

soon,

read:

and

read:

I won’t

read:

be

read:

caught

read:

dead

read:

with

read:

you

read:

in

read:

those

read:

nasty

read:

pajamas.

read:

What

read:

is

read:

that,

read:

tomato

read:

sauce?

read:

On

read:

a

read:

white

read:

t-shirt?

read:

Girl.

read:

Let’s

read:

get

read:

you

read:

changed.”
Lav

read:

took

read:

me

read:

by

read:

the

read:

paw

read:

and

read:

led

read:

me

read:

to

read:

my

read:

bedroom,

read:

opening

read:

the

read:

closet

read:

door.

read:

I

read:

sat

read:

on

read:

the

read:

bed. “I

read:

have

read:

no

read:

idea

read:

what

read:

I’d

read:

even

read:

wear

read:

to

read:

this

read:

sort

read:

of

read:

thing,”

read:

I

read:

admitted.
“What

read:

do

read:

you

read:

mean?”

read:

Lav asked,

read:

going

read:

through

read:

the

read:

button-ups

read:

on

read:

my

read:

hangers,

read:

taking

read:

them

read:

down

read:

one

read:

at

read:

a

read:

time

read:

to

read:

get

read:

a

read:

good

read:

look. “You

read:

should

read:

just

read:

dress

read:

like

read:

yourself!”
“Well,

read:

I

read:

don’t

read:

think ‘myself’

read:

would

read:

really

read:

fit

read:

in.

read:

Like,

read:

I

read:

don’t

read:

really

read:

act

read:

feminine,

read:

or

read:

dress

read:

like

read:

a

read:

woman

read:

or

read:

anything,

read:

not

read:

like

read:

you

read:

do.”
Lav

read:

turned

read:

back

read:

from

read:

the

read:

closet,

read:

a

read:

tired

read:

look

read:

in

read:

her

read:

eyes. “Excuse

read:

me?”
Oh,

read:

fuck,

read:

I

read:

thought. “I’m

read:

sorry,”

read:

I

read:

said, “I

read:

didn’t

read:

mean

read:

to-”
“I

read:

don’t

read:

dress

read:

like

read:

a

read:

woman,

read:

I

read:

dress

read:

this

read:

way

read:

because

read:

I

read:

am

read:

a

read:

woman.”

read:

Her

read:

usual

read:

drama-queen

read:

act

read:

was

read:

gone.
“You

read:

are,”

read:

I

read:

said. “I

read:

misspoke.

read:

I’m

read:

sorry. It…

read:

Everything,

read:

this

read:

whole

read:

thing,

read:

it’s

read:

still

read:

all so

read:

new

read:

to

read:

me.”
She

read:

sighed. “I

read:

know,”

read:

she

read:

said. “I know you’re going

read:

through

read:

a

read:

lot

read:

yourself,

read:

and

read:

you’ve

read:

been

read:

really

read:

good

read:

to

read:

me,

read:

all

read:

things

read:

considered.

read:

Anyway,

read:

don’t

read:

worry,

read:

that's

read:

just

read:

a

read:

stereotype,

read:

not

read:

all

read:

men

read:

in

read:

the

read:

community

read:

dress

read:

or

read:

act

read:

feminine.

read:

Just

read:

be

read:

yourself.”

read:

She

read:

took

read:

a

read:

breath. “And

read:

I’m

read:

sorry,

read:

it’s

read:

just

read:

hard.

read:

I

read:

was

read:

feeling

read:

great

read:

about

read:

how

read:

I

read:

looked

read:

tonight,

read:

but

read:

on

read:

my

read:

way

read:

here,

read:

some

read:

dude

read:

I

read:

passed

read:

on

read:

the

read:

street

read:

yelled

read:

out

read:

to

read:

me

read:

and

read:

called

read:

me

read:

a ‘fucking

read:

tranny’.

read:

I

read:

try

read:

to

read:

ignore

read:

it,

read:

but

read:

it

read:

catches

read:

up

read:

to

read:

me

read:

sometimes.

read:

I

read:

guess

read:

I’m

read:

still

read:

a

read:

bit

read:

on

read:

edge.”
I

read:

flinched

read:

at

read:

her

read:

use

read:

of

read:

that

read:

word,

read:

and

read:

I…
I…
I

read:

was 13,

read:

hanging

read:

out

read:

with

read:

boys

read:

who

read:

were

read:

a

read:

few

read:

grades

read:

older

read:

than

read:

me

read:

in

read:

town

read:

after

read:

school.

read:

A lion

read:

wearing a sun dress walked past

read:

us

read:

down the street, with

read:

their mane tied

read:

back

read:

in

read:

some

read:

places

read:

and

read:

trimmed

read:

down

read:

in

read:

others

read:

as

read:

much

read:

as

read:

possible.

read:

I’d

read:

never

read:

seen

read:

someone

read:

crossdress

read:

before. The

read:

other

read:

boys spat out hurtful names to the lion,

read:

so

read:

I did

read:

too

read:

to

read:

fit

read:

in.

read:

The lion quickened their pace and

read:

didn’t

read:

turn

read:

back

read:

to

read:

look

read:

at

read:

us. I

read:

later

read:

told

read:

myself

read:

that

read:

we “only

read:

said

read:

words”,

read:

as

read:

if

read:

those

read:

words

read:

weren’t

read:

hurtful

read:

enough.

read:

I

read:

didn’t

read:

like

read:

hanging

read:

out

read:

with

read:

those

read:

boys.

read:

I

read:

still

read:

continued

read:

to.
I

read:

didn’t

read:

have

read:

the

read:

right

read:

to

read:

feel

read:

scared

read:

for

read:

myself,

read:

not

read:

after

read:

the

read:

pain

read:

that

read:

I

read:

had

read:

caused.

read:

And

read:

yet,

read:

I was

read:

still

read:

terrified

read:

of

read:

the

read:

same

read:

thing

read:

happening

read:

to

read:

me,

read:

if it

read:

was

read:

ever

read:

obvious

read:

that

read:

I

read:

was… if I

read:

was

read:

ever

read:

caught

read:

with

read:

other

read:

people

read:

who

read:

were… I

read:

still

read:

couldn’t

read:

even

read:

bear

read:

to even

read:

think

read:

of

read:

the

read:

word.
The

read:

only

read:

thing

read:

I

read:

could

read:

manage

read:

to

read:

say

read:

was, “I’m

read:

so

read:

sorry

read:

to

read:

hear

read:

that.”
“Eh,”

read:

she

read:

shrugged. “It

read:

is

read:

what

read:

it

read:

is.

read:

I

read:

think

read:

he’s

read:

just

read:

jealous.

read:

I

read:

mean,

read:

who

read:

wouldn’t

read:

be

read:

of

read:

all

read:

this?”

read:

She

read:

struck

read:

a

read:

few

read:

poses

read:

like

read:

a

read:

runway

read:

model,

read:

and

read:

started

read:

laughing.

read:

I

read:

wasn’t

read:

in

read:

the

read:

mood

read:

for

read:

laughter,

read:

but

read:

her

read:

confidence

read:

was

read:

inspiring

read:

to

read:

me.

read:

I

read:

loved

read:

her

read:

for it.

read:

She

read:

returned

read:

to

read:

the

read:

closet. “Besides,

read:

that’s

read:

why

read:

gatherings

read:

like

read:

this one

read:

are

read:

so

read:

important.

read:

There’s

read:

nothing

read:

like

read:

finding

read:

community

read:

with

read:

people

read:

who

read:

go

read:

through

read:

the

read:

same

read:

shit.

read:

I’m

read:

excited

read:

for

read:

you

read:

to

read:

see

read:

what

read:

that’s

read:

like.”
My

read:

heart

read:

was

read:

pounding.

read:

Though

read:

I

read:

was

read:

conflicted,

read:

I

read:

still

read:

yearned

read:

to

read:

feel

read:

the

read:

same

read:

warmth

read:

that

read:

Lav

read:

felt.

read:

Before

read:

I

read:

could

read:

think

read:

of

read:

how

read:

to

read:

respond,

read:

Lav

read:

said “You

read:

really

read:

don’t

read:

have

read:

a

read:

sense

read:

of

read:

fashion,

read:

do

read:

you?

read:

Like,

read:

seriously,

read:

gray

read:

and

read:

white

read:

shirts

read:

on

read:

gray

read:

and

read:

white

read:

fur?

read:

I

read:

mean,

read:

come

read:

on,

read:

give

read:

me

read:

something

read:

to

read:

work

read:

with!

read:

Well,

read:

I

read:

guess

read:

my

read:

clothes

read:

from

read:

the

read:

before-times

read:

weren’t

read:

much

read:

better.

read:

You

read:

sure

read:

you

read:

don’t

read:

wanna

read:

dress

read:

like

read:

a

read:

woman?”

read:

I

read:

threw

read:

my

read:

pillow

read:

at

read:

her. “Aagh! Ugh,

read:

fine.

read:

This

read:

shirt

read:

will

read:

do,

read:

I

read:

suppose.”

read:

She

read:

tossed

read:

me

read:

a

read:

generic

read:

button-up

read:

and

read:

left

read:

the

read:

room.

read:

From

read:

the

read:

hallway,

read:

she

read:

called

read:

out, “Now

read:

hurry

read:

up!

read:

We’re

read:

running

read:

late!!

read:

Come

read:

onnnnn!!!”
Although

read:

every

read:

part

read:

of

read:

me

read:

was

read:

terrified

read:

to

read:

go,

read:

of

read:

not

read:

being

read:

accepted

read:

by

read:

the

read:

world,

read:

or

read:

even

read:

by

read:

my

read:

own

read:

people…

read:

I

read:

couldn’t

read:

say

read:

no

read:

to

read:

Lav.

read:

I

read:

just

read:

hoped

read:

that

read:

she

read:

was

read:

right,

read:

that

read:

it

read:

would

read:

be

read:

good

read:

for

read:

me.

read:

I

read:

found

read:

a

read:

pair

read:

of

read:

clean

read:

jeans

read:

and

read:

a

read:

hoodie

read:

to

read:

go

read:

with

read:

the

read:

shirt

read:

she

read:

chose, and

read:

I

read:

quickly

read:

got

read:

changed.

read:

And

read:

although

read:

I

read:

was

read:

trembling,

read:

I

read:

grabbed

read:

the

read:

last

read:

two

read:

bottles

read:

of

read:

beer,

read:

and

read:

followed

read:

her

read:

out

read:

the

read:

front

read:

door.
The

read:

walk to

read:

the

read:

meetup

read:

was

read:

short,

read:

so

read:

the

read:

brisk

read:

air of

read:

the

read:

autumn

read:

evening

read:

didn’t

read:

bother

read:

me

read:

too

read:

much

read:

with

read:

my

read:

hoodie

read:

on. I

read:

gave

read:

Lav

read:

one

read:

of

read:

the

read:

beers,

read:

and

read:

she

read:

thanked

read:

me

read:

for

read:

it

read:

before

read:

cracking

read:

it

read:

open

read:

and

read:

taking

read:

a

read:

few

read:

big

read:

swigs. I

read:

cracked

read:

open

read:

my

read:

own, and

read:

she

read:

noticed

read:

my

read:

scrunched

read:

up

read:

snout. “I mean, I’ll

read:

take

read:

that one too if you don’t

read:

want

read:

it,”

read:

she

read:

said. “Why

read:

do

read:

you

read:

even

read:

drink

read:

beer

read:

if

read:

you

read:

hate

read:

it

read:

so

read:

much?”
I

read:

thought

read:

of

read:

my

read:

father,

read:

and

read:

I…
I…
I

read:

was 16,

read:

and

read:

I

read:

just

read:

told

read:

my

read:

father

read:

that

read:

Belle

read:

had

read:

broken

read:

up

read:

with

read:

me.

read:

He

read:

assumed

read:

I

read:

was

read:

sad

read:

because

read:

I loved her. I didn't tell him that the real

read:

reason

read:

was

read:

that

read:

I

read:

never

read:

did,

read:

and

read:

I

read:

was

read:

too

read:

scared

read:

to

read:

face

read:

the

read:

reason why.
“Aw, c’m’ere. Your first breakup’s always the hardest, son. Now

read:

you're

read:

beginnin’

read:

to

read:

see

read:

what it’s

read:

like

read:

to

read:

be

read:

a

read:

real

read:

man.

read:

Y’know what,

read:

go

read:

grab us

read:

some

read:

beers.”
“Really?

read:

But I’m

read:

not

read:

old

read:

enough

read:

yet.”
“Bullshit,

read:

if you’re

read:

old

read:

enough

read:

to

read:

get

read:

your

read:

heart

read:

broken,

read:

you’re old enough

read:

to

read:

share

read:

a

read:

drink

read:

with

read:

your

read:

old

read:

man.”
And

read:

I

read:

did

read:

as

read:

I

read:

was

read:

told,

read:

because

read:

I

read:

was

read:

desperate

read:

to

read:

prove

read:

myself,

read:

to

read:

be

read:

a

read:

real

read:

man,

read:

because

read:

real

read:

men could

read:

overcome

read:

whatever

read:

challenges

read:

they

read:

were

read:

faced

read:

with.
I

read:

forced

read:

myself

read:

to

read:

take

read:

a

read:

sip,

read:

and

read:

shrugged

read:

to

read:

Lav. “It’s

read:

what

read:

men drink,”

read:

I

read:

said.
Lav

read:

rolled

read:

her

read:

eyes. “Oh.

read:

My.

read:

God.

read:

Shut

read:

up.”
“What?”

read:

I

read:

asked,

read:

feeling

read:

a

read:

bit

read:

defensive.
“Not

read:

drinking

read:

beer

read:

doesn’t

read:

make you any less

read:

of

read:

a

read:

man,

read:

just

read:

like

read:

drinking

read:

beer

read:

doesn’t

read:

make

read:

me

read:

any

read:

less

read:

of

read:

a

read:

woman.

read:

That

read:

rule

read:

is

read:

so

read:

stupid.

read:

Just

read:

drink

read:

the

read:

fruity

read:

drinks.

read:

No

read:

one

read:

will

read:

judge

read:

you

read:

for

read:

drinking

read:

the

read:

fruity

read:

drinks!”

read:

I

read:

glanced

read:

over

read:

at

read:

her,

read:

arching

read:

an

read:

eyebrow. “Well,

read:

no

read:

one

read:

who

read:

matters,

read:

anyhow.”
     I

read:

took

read:

another

read:

swig

read:

from

read:

the

read:

bottle.

read:

I

read:

shuttered. “Tch. I

read:

guess

read:

you’re

read:

right,”

read:

I

read:

said.
     “I

read:

am.

read:

Seriously

read:

though, I’ll

read:

take

read:

that

read:

one

read:

too

read:

if

read:

you

read:

don’t

read:

want

read:

it.”
     “I

read:

think

read:

I

read:

need

read:

the

read:

social

read:

lubricant

read:

tonight,”

read:

I

read:

said.
     “Y’know

read:

what,

read:

fair.

read:

I’ll

read:

drink

read:

to

read:

that,”

read:

she

read:

said,

read:

raising

read:

her

read:

bottle

read:

and

read:

then

read:

finishing

read:

the

read:

rest

read:

in

read:

a

read:

few

read:

big

read:

swigs.

read:

I

read:

just

read:

stared at

read:

her,

read:

wondering

read:

how

read:

she

read:

could

read:

do

read:

that

read:

without

read:

gagging.
     I

read:

was

read:

feeling

read:

more

read:

anxious

read:

than

read:

I

read:

had

read:

in

read:

a

read:

few

read:

years

read:

when

read:

we

read:

arrived

read:

at

read:

the

read:

building,

read:

a

read:

simple

read:

community

read:

gathering

read:

space

read:

on

read:

campus. My

read:

heart

read:

was

read:

pounding,

read:

I

read:

didn’t

read:

know

read:

how

read:

I’d

read:

act

read:

if

read:

I

read:

saw

read:

Matthew. I

read:

forced

read:

myself

read:

to

read:

take

read:

a

read:

few

read:

more

read:

swigs of

read:

beer.
     “Ready?”

read:

Lav

read:

asked.
     “No,”

read:

I

read:

said.
     “Let’s

read:

do

read:

this,”

read:

she

read:

said.
     And

read:

she

read:

grabbed

read:

me

read:

by

read:

the

read:

paw

read:

and

read:

led

read:

me

read:

inside.
     I

read:

didn’t

read:

know

read:

what

read:

I

read:

was

read:

expecting.

read:

Maybe

read:

like

read:

a

read:

rave,

read:

filled

read:

to

read:

the

read:

brim

read:

with

read:

people

read:

shoulder

read:

to

read:

shoulder,

read:

all

read:

dancing

read:

and

read:

grinding

read:

up

read:

against

read:

each

read:

other to

read:

loud

read:

music

read:

and

read:

flashing

read:

lights,

read:

or

read:

something

read:

of

read:

that

read:

nature.

read:

From

read:

what

read:

little

read:

I

read:

thought

read:

I

read:

knew

read:

about

read:

these

read:

people,

read:

it

read:

could have

read:

been

read:

anything.
The

read:

reality,

read:

though,

read:

was

read:

so…

read:

chill.

read:

At

read:

the

read:

time

read:

we

read:

arrived,

read:

there

read:

were

read:

maybe 10 to 15 people, all sitting

read:

in

read:

their

read:

own

read:

little

read:

bubbles

read:

across

read:

the

read:

room

read:

with

read:

drinks

read:

they

read:

brought,

read:

chatting

read:

and

read:

laughing

read:

between

read:

sips.

read:

On

read:

the

read:

table

read:

at

read:

the

read:

front

read:

of

read:

the

read:

room

read:

lay

read:

a

read:

big

read:

sheet

read:

of

read:

brown

read:

paper

read:

with

read:

a

read:

rainbow

read:

drawn

read:

on

read:

it

read:

in

read:

marker,

read:

with

read:

other

read:

markers

read:

strewn

read:

about

read:

for

read:

others

read:

to

read:

sign

read:

their

read:

names.

read:

I

read:

couldn’t

read:

imagine

read:

why

read:

anyone

read:

would

read:

want

read:

to

read:

openly

read:

associate

read:

themselves

read:

with a

read:

place

read:

and

read:

a

read:

group

read:

like

read:

this.

read:

But

read:

everyone

read:

seemed

read:

so…

read:

at

read:

peace.

read:

Nothing

read:

like

read:

I

read:

had

read:

been

read:

feeling

read:

for

read:

the

read:

past

read:

few

read:

years.

read:

I

read:

still

read:

didn’t

read:

feel

read:

like

read:

I

read:

could

read:

ever

read:

belong,

read:

but

read:

I

read:

felt

read:

a

read:

twinge

read:

of

read:

warmth

read:

at

read:

what

read:

I

read:

saw.
As

read:

far

read:

as

read:

the

read:

actual

read:

people

read:

attending,

read:

everyone

read:

looked

read:

so…

read:

normal.

read:

But

read:

I

read:

challenged

read:

myself

read:

with

read:

that, and

read:

thought,

read:

what

read:

does

read:

being ‘normal’

read:

even

read:

mean?

read:

Although,

read:

I

read:

felt

read:

as

read:

though

read:

I

read:

stuck

read:

out

read:

like

read:

a

read:

sore

read:

thumb,

read:

because

read:

from

read:

what

read:

I

read:

could

read:

tell,

read:

I

read:

was

read:

the

read:

only

read:

man

read:

in

read:

the

read:

room.

read:

Still,

read:

I

read:

breathed

read:

a

read:

sigh

read:

of

read:

relief

read:

when

read:

I

read:

noticed

read:

that

read:

Matthew

read:

was

read:

not

read:

among

read:

the

read:

women

read:

present.
Moments

read:

after

read:

Lav

read:

and

read:

I

read:

entered,

read:

a

read:

coyote

read:

with

read:

long,

read:

side

read:

swept

read:

bangs

read:

noticed

read:

us. “Lavender!!”

read:

she

read:

exclaimed. “Hey

read:

girl

read:

hey!!”
“Wazzaaaap!!!!!” Lav

read:

shouted,

read:

sticking

read:

her

read:

tongue

read:

out and

read:

raising

read:

her

read:

hooves.

read:

Oh

read:

my

read:

god,

read:

I

read:

thought, and

read:

I

read:

took

read:

another

read:

swig

read:

of

read:

beer.

read:

Lav went

read:

over

read:

to

read:

hug

read:

the

read:

coyote. “How’s

read:

it

read:

hangin’?”

read:

she

read:

asked.
“Not

read:

bad,

read:

not

read:

bad!”

read:

the

read:

coyote

read:

replied.

read:

Her

read:

voice

read:

was

read:

deep

read:

and

read:

strong. “The

read:

turnouts

read:

here

read:

get

read:

bigger

read:

every

read:

year,

read:

it

read:

just

read:

warms

read:

my

read:

heart

read:

to

read:

see.”

read:

I

read:

was

read:

still

read:

standing

read:

next

read:

to

read:

the

read:

entrance,

read:

and

read:

she

read:

turned

read:

toward

read:

me. “And

read:

who’s

read:

this

read:

you

read:

brought

read:

with

read:

you?”
A

read:

few

read:

others

read:

across

read:

the room

read:

started

read:

looking

read:

at

read:

me

read:

too,

read:

and

read:

I

read:

just

read:

wanted

read:

to

read:

disappear

read:

into

read:

the

read:

corner.

read:

I

read:

managed

read:

to

read:

say, “Uh…

read:

hi…”

read:

raising

read:

my

read:

paw

read:

to

read:

wave.
     “That

read:

tall

read:

drink

read:

of

read:

water

read:

over

read:

there

read:

is

read:

my

read:

friend

read:

Jay,”

read:

Lav

read:

said

read:

in

read:

my

read:

place.

read:

Then, in a

read:

softer

read:

voice

read:

meant

read:

just

read:

for

read:

the

read:

coyote,

read:

but

read:

still

read:

loud

read:

enough

read:

for

read:

me

read:

to

read:

hear, “He’s

read:

a bit

read:

shy,

read:

he’s… new to

read:

all

read:

this.”
     The coyote

read:

nodded

read:

to

read:

Lav,

read:

and

read:

smiled

read:

at

read:

me. “Well

read:

Jay,

read:

it’s

read:

nice

read:

to

read:

meet

read:

you.

read:

I’m

read:

Reese.

read:

I’m

read:

the

read:

one

read:

who

read:

organizes

read:

these

read:

meetups.

read:

Now

read:

get

read:

on

read:

over

read:

here!

read:

All

read:

are

read:

welcome,

read:

we’re

read:

not

read:

going

read:

to

read:

bite.”
     I

read:

hesitated.

read:

All

read:

are

read:

welcome,

read:

she

read:

said.

read:

But

read:

did “all”

read:

really

read:

include

read:

people

read:

like

read:

me?

read:

But

read:

still,

read:

I

read:

swallowed

read:

it

read:

down and

read:

I

read:

made

read:

my

read:

way

read:

over

read:

to

read:

the

read:

table

read:

where

read:

Lav,

read:

Reese,

read:

and

read:

a

read:

few

read:

others

read:

were

read:

sitting.

read:

Those

read:

who were

read:

looking

read:

at

read:

me

read:

from

read:

across

read:

the

read:

room

read:

returned

read:

to

read:

their

read:

own

read:

conversations.
I

read:

took

read:

my

read:

seat

read:

next

read:

to

read:

Lav,

read:

who

read:

was

read:

catching

read:

up

read:

with

read:

everyone

read:

at

read:

the

read:

table.

read:

I

read:

was

read:

stuck

read:

in

read:

my

read:

thoughts,

read:

and

read:

I

read:

considered

read:

taking

read:

out

read:

my

read:

earbuds

read:

and my iDog

read:

to

read:

listen

read:

to

read:

music

read:

while

read:

everyone

read:

chatted

read:

around

read:

me,

read:

but

read:

I knew I’d get shit from Lav if

read:

I

read:

did.

read:

So,

read:

I

read:

just

read:

sat

read:

there,

read:

looking

read:

at

read:

Lav,

read:

looking at

read:

who

read:

had

read:

become

read:

my

read:

best

read:

friend

read:

over

read:

the

read:

past

read:

year,

read:

and

read:

I…
I…
I was 23, in the depths of

read:

rock

read:

bottom, and

read:

I

read:

was

read:

assigned

read:

to

read:

do

read:

a

read:

semester-long

read:

group

read:

project

read:

with

read:

a

read:

few

read:

people

read:

I

read:

vaguely

read:

knew,

read:

and a deer I’d never met. I wondered

read:

why he didn’t have antlers, since I’d never

read:

met

read:

a

read:

male

read:

deer

read:

who

read:

shed

read:

them

read:

before

read:

the

read:

end

read:

of

read:

winter.

read:

I

read:

didn’t

read:

have

read:

the

read:

energy

read:

to

read:

ask

read:

him,

read:

though.

read:

I

read:

went

read:

through

read:

the

read:

motions,

read:

and

read:

we

read:

worked

read:

together

read:

on

read:

the

read:

project

read:

for

read:

a

read:

few

read:

weeks.

read:

One

read:

night,

read:

he

read:

wore

read:

a

read:

skirt

read:

to

read:

the

read:

group

read:

session,

read:

and

read:

the

read:

other

read:

group

read:

members

read:

loved it

read:

and

read:

complimented him on it. But

read:

I

read:

couldn’t stop staring

read:

at

read:

him.
After

read:

we

read:

all

read:

said

read:

goodbye,

read:

the

read:

deer

read:

came

read:

up

read:

to

read:

me

read:

alone

read:

and

read:

confronted

read:

me,

read:

asking

read:

what

read:

my

read:

problem

read:

was.

read:

And

read:

I…

read:

I

read:

was

read:

just

read:

tired.

read:

I

read:

apologized,

read:

said

read:

that

read:

I

read:

didn’t

read:

have

read:

a

read:

problem

read:

with

read:

it,

read:

at

read:

least not

read:

anymore,

read:

and

read:

I

read:

was

read:

new to

read:

all

read:

of it and I

read:

just

read:

wanted

read:

to

read:

learn

read:

more.

read:

He

read:

was

read:

a

read:

little

read:

embarrassed

read:

after

read:

misreading

read:

my

read:

expressions,

read:

and he

read:

invited

read:

me

read:

out

read:

for

read:

drinks

read:

to

read:

talk

read:

about

read:

it.
After

read:

a

read:

few

read:

shots of

read:

Furball

read:

Whiskey, he

read:

told

read:

me

read:

how

read:

he

read:

got

read:

his

read:

pedicles

read:

removed

read:

so

read:

that

read:

his

read:

antlers

read:

would

read:

never

read:

grow

read:

back,

read:

because

read:

he

read:

only

read:

liked

read:

how

read:

he

read:

looked

read:

when

read:

they

read:

were

read:

shed.

read:

After

read:

a

read:

few

read:

more

read:

shots,

read:

he

read:

told

read:

me

read:

that

read:

he

read:

was

read:

actually

read:

a

read:

she,

read:

and

read:

that

read:

her

read:

name

read:

was

read:

Lavender,

read:

Lav

read:

for short. “But that’s so different from…” I started.
“That’s

read:

the

read:

point,” Lav

read:

said,

read:

cutting

read:

me

read:

off. “I

read:

hate

read:

that

read:

name,

read:

and

read:

I

read:

hated

read:

who

read:

I

read:

was.

read:

Lav is

read:

the

read:

new

read:

me,

read:

and

read:

I’ve

read:

never

read:

been

read:

happier.”

read:

She

read:

went

read:

on

read:

to

read:

tell

read:

me

read:

that

read:

she’d

read:

soon

read:

start

read:

living

read:

her life

read:

fully

read:

as

read:

a

read:

woman.
And after

read:

probably

read:

way

read:

too

read:

many

read:

shots

read:

of

read:

whiskey,

read:

I

read:

spilled

read:

out

read:

my

read:

entire

read:

life

read:

story

read:

to

read:

her,

read:

barely

read:

holding

read:

back

read:

my

read:

tears.

read:

How she

read:

met

read:

me

read:

just

read:

months

read:

after

read:

the

read:

worst

read:

moment

read:

of

read:

my

read:

life,

read:

after I

read:

failed

read:

and

read:

walked

read:

back

read:

down

read:

the

read:

old dirt

read:

road,

read:

and

read:

why

read:

I

read:

had

read:

walked

read:

up

read:

there

read:

in

read:

the

read:

first

read:

place. And

read:

she

read:

put

read:

her

read:

hoof

read:

on

read:

my

read:

shoulder

read:

from

read:

across

read:

the

read:

table,

read:

and

read:

asked, “Do

read:

you

read:

want

read:

to

read:

be

read:

friends?”
I

read:

normally

read:

wouldn’t

read:

seek

read:

out

read:

people

read:

like

read:

Lav

read:

to

read:

hang

read:

out

read:

with.

read:

And

read:

yet,

read:

because

read:

of

read:

our

read:

shared

read:

experiences

read:

and

read:

how

read:

much

read:

we

read:

could

read:

relate

read:

to

read:

each

read:

other,

read:

she

read:

quickly

read:

became

read:

a

read:

very

read:

close

read:

friend.

read:

I

read:

didn’t

read:

know

read:

where

read:

I’d

read:

be

read:

without

read:

her

read:

helping

read:

me

read:

through,

read:

and I was

read:

so

read:

grateful

read:

for

read:

it.

read:

And as

read:

I

read:

sat

read:

there

read:

staring

read:

at

read:

her

read:

catching

read:

up

read:

with

read:

the

read:

rest

read:

of

read:

the

read:

people

read:

at

read:

the

read:

table,

read:

I

read:

wished

read:

I

read:

knew

read:

how

read:

to

read:

tell

read:

her

read:

that.
“Jay,

read:

Reese asked

read:

you

read:

a

read:

question,”

read:

Lav said.
I

read:

snapped

read:

back

read:

to

read:

the

read:

present. “What?”

read:

I

read:

asked.
Reese

read:

chuckled

read:

a

read:

bit. “I

read:

asked

read:

what

read:

brought

read:

you

read:

here

read:

tonight,”

read:

she

read:

said.

read:

Her

read:

tone

read:

was

read:

warm

read:

and

read:

rich.
I

read:

hesitated. “I

read:

just…

read:

felt

read:

like

read:

I

read:

needed

read:

to

read:

meet

read:

others

read:

who

read:

were…

read:

I

read:

don’t

read:

know.”

read:

I

read:

looked

read:

at

read:

Lav,

read:

pleading

read:

with

read:

my

read:

eyes

read:

for

read:

her

read:

to

read:

save

read:

me.

read:

She

read:

picked

read:

up

read:

what

read:

I

read:

was

read:

leaving

read:

unsaid.
“Jay’s

read:

been

read:

my

read:

friend

read:

for

read:

a while,”

read:

Lav

read:

said, “and

read:

he’s

read:

been

read:

feeling

read:

isolated.

read:

He

read:

never

read:

really

read:

got

read:

the

read:

chance

read:

to

read:

meet

read:

other

read:

people

read:

like

read:

him in

read:

this

read:

community.

read:

Well,

read:

other

read:

than

read:

meeeee!”

read:

Her

read:

voice

read:

raised

read:

in

read:

pitch

read:

for

read:

that

read:

last

read:

bit,

read:

and

read:

she

read:

put

read:

her

read:

hoof

read:

on

read:

her

read:

chest,

read:

smiling.

read:

She

read:

looked

read:

back

read:

at

read:

me.

read:

I

read:

tried

read:

to

read:

tell her “thank

read:

you”

read:

with

read:

my

read:

eyes.
“Yeah…”

read:

I

read:

said, “growing

read:

up,

read:

this

read:

sort

read:

of

read:

thing

read:

was

read:

never

read:

accepted,

read:

so,

read:

y’know…”
“Ohh,

read:

yeah.

read:

Believe

read:

me,

read:

do

read:

I

read:

know,”

read:

said

read:

a

read:

sheep

read:

sitting

read:

next

read:

to

read:

Reese

read:

who

read:

I

read:

hadn’t

read:

heard

read:

from

read:

before

read:

now. Her

read:

wool was fluffy and all

read:

black,

read:

and

read:

she

read:

wore

read:

her head wool

read:

in

read:

an

read:

afro. “I’m

read:

Simone,

read:

by

read:

the

read:

way,

read:

I’m

read:

Reese’s

read:

girlfriend.”
     I

read:

looked

read:

back

read:

and

read:

forth

read:

between

read:

the

read:

coyote

read:

and

read:

the

read:

sheep,

read:

while

read:

trying

read:

to

read:

hold

read:

back

read:

any

read:

look

read:

of

read:

shock

read:

on

read:

my

read:

face.

read:

All

read:

I

read:

managed

read:

to

read:

say

read:

was, “...Oh!!”
     And,

read:

bless

read:

them,

read:

Reese and

read:

Simone

read:

just

read:

laughed. “Yeah,

read:

I

read:

know

read:

what

read:

you’re

read:

thinking,”

read:

Simone

read:

said. “Don’t

read:

worry,

read:

we’ve

read:

heard

read:

it

read:

all

read:

before.

read:

You

read:

should

read:

have

read:

heard what

read:

my

read:

parents

read:

said

read:

to

read:

me

read:

when

read:

I

read:

brought

read:

a

read:

coyote

read:

into

read:

my

read:

home

read:

of

read:

only

read:

sheep.

read:

And

read:

when

read:

I

read:

got

read:

to

read:

the ‘Also,

read:

by

read:

the

read:

way,

read:

she’s

read:

my

read:

girlfriend!’

read:

part,

read:

they

read:

kicked

read:

us

read:

both out

read:

right

read:

then and

read:

there.”
“Yeah,

read:

it

read:

was

read:

a

read:

very

read:

modest

read:

introduction,

read:

if

read:

I

read:

may

read:

say,”

read:

Reese said, “felt

read:

very

read:

welcomed.”
“Jeez,”

read:

I

read:

said. “I’m

read:

so sorry.”
“Eh,”

read:

Simone

read:

said, “par

read:

for

read:

the

read:

course

read:

with

read:

people

read:

like

read:

us,

read:

who

read:

have

read:

the

read:

audacity

read:

to

read:

try

read:

and

read:

be

read:

happy.

read:

Like,

read:

I

read:

didn’t

read:

choose

read:

who

read:

I

read:

fell

read:

in

read:

love

read:

with! And,

read:

despite

read:

all

read:

odds,

read:

it

read:

was

read:

mutual!

read:

Shouldn’t

read:

that

read:

be

read:

celebrated?

read:

That’s

read:

why

read:

we

read:

all

read:

meet

read:

up

read:

like

read:

this.

read:

Who

read:

am

read:

I

read:

to

read:

deny

read:

that

read:

for

read:

myself,

read:

and

read:

who

read:

are

read:

they

read:

to

read:

deny

read:

that

read:

for

read:

us,

read:

right?”

read:

Reese stared

read:

fiercely

read:

and

read:

proudly

read:

at

read:

her

read:

partner

read:

as

read:

she

read:

spoke.
I

read:

felt

read:

tears

read:

starting

read:

to

read:

well

read:

up,

read:

but

read:

I

read:

didn't

read:

let

read:

myself

read:

cry.

read:

My

read:

shame

read:

crawled

read:

down

read:

my

read:

spine

read:

from

read:

my

read:

neck

read:

to

read:

my

read:

tail.

read:

But

read:

more

read:

than

read:

ashamed,

read:

I

read:

felt…

read:

seen.

read:

I

read:

managed

read:

to

read:

say, “...R-right,”

read:

though it

read:

came

read:

out

read:

a

read:

bit

read:

choked

read:

up.

read:

Lav

read:

grabbed

read:

my

read:

paw

read:

and

read:

looked

read:

at

read:

me

read:

with

read:

pride

read:

in

read:

her

read:

eyes.
Some

read:

time

read:

went

read:

by,

read:

and

read:

the

read:

table

read:

continued

read:

chatting,

read:

catching

read:

up

read:

and

read:

sharing

read:

experiences.

read:

I

read:

found

read:

myself

read:

able

read:

to

read:

participate

read:

more

read:

than

read:

before,

read:

though I was

read:

still

read:

reserved.

read:

Eventually,

read:

I

read:

found

read:

the

read:

courage

read:

to

read:

ask, “So,

read:

why

read:

is

read:

it

read:

only

read:

women

read:

here?”
Lav laughed. “Well,

read:

you

read:

know

read:

how

read:

hard

read:

it

read:

was

read:

to

read:

get

read:

you

read:

here,

read:

I

read:

imagine

read:

it’s

read:

a

read:

similar

read:

story

read:

for

read:

many

read:

other

read:

men,

read:

too.”
“Yeah,”

read:

Simone

read:

said. “I

read:

feel

read:

like

read:

men,

read:

on

read:

average,

read:

aren’t

read:

as

read:

in

read:

touch

read:

with

read:

their

read:

emotions.

read:

It’s

read:

harder

read:

for

read:

them

read:

to

read:

be

read:

vulnerable

read:

and

read:

come

read:

to

read:

a

read:

stigmatized

read:

place

read:

like

read:

this,

read:

when

read:

they

read:

can

read:

keep

read:

everything

read:

a

read:

secret

read:

to

read:

keep

read:

the

read:

privilege

read:

they

read:

were

read:

born

read:

with.

read:

But

read:

women

read:

are

read:

stigmatized

read:

just

read:

for

read:

being

read:

women,

read:

so

read:

we

read:

have

read:

less

read:

to

read:

lose

read:

by

read:

coming

read:

here.”
I

read:

couldn’t

read:

help

read:

but

read:

feel

read:

a

read:

bit

read:

defensive

read:

at

read:

that,

read:

but

read:

at

read:

least

read:

for

read:

me,

read:

there

read:

was

read:

no

read:

lie.

read:

I

read:

tried

read:

to

read:

swallow

read:

down

read:

some

read:

of

read:

that

read:

frustration

read:

and

read:

I

read:

just

read:

said, “Mm,

read:

yeah,

read:

guess

read:

you’re

read:

right.”

read:

I

read:

played

read:

with

read:

the

read:

drawstrings

read:

on

read:

my

read:

hoodie.
“Men

read:

aren’t

read:

unheard

read:

of

read:

here,

read:

though,

read:

in

read:

case

read:

you

read:

came

read:

here

read:

to

read:

meet

read:

one,”

read:

Reese

read:

said,

read:

winking

read:

at

read:

me.

read:

I

read:

cringed

read:

internally. “In

read:

fact,

read:

we

read:

have

read:

one

read:

regular

read:

man

read:

who

read:

comes

read:

to

read:

pretty

read:

much

read:

all

read:

of

read:

our

read:

meets.

read:

Not

read:

sure

read:

where

read:

he

read:

is

read:

tonight,

read:

though.”
At

read:

that

read:

moment,

read:

the

read:

door

read:

swung

read:

open. “Hey hey hey!

read:

Sorry

read:

I’m

read:

late,

read:

everyone!”

read:

a

read:

man’s

read:

voice

read:

rang.

read:

I

read:

recognized that

read:

rich

read:

baritone

read:

ring

read:

instantly.
“Ah!

read:

Speak

read:

of

read:

the

read:

devil!”

read:

Reese

read:

said. “Welcome

read:

back!”
I

read:

didn’t

read:

have

read:

to

read:

turn

read:

to

read:

see

read:

the

read:

bear

read:

that

read:

just

read:

entered

read:

to

read:

know

read:

who

read:

it

read:

was.
“It’s

read:

good

read:

to

read:

see

read:

you

read:

again,

read:

man!”

read:

Simone

read:

said.
My

read:

heart

read:

sank

read:

down

read:

into

read:

my

read:

belly, and I…
I…
I

read:

was 8,

read:

and

read:

my

read:

father

read:

took

read:

me

read:

to

read:

the

read:

cliff

read:

near

read:

our

read:

house

read:

at

read:

the

read:

end

read:

of

read:

the

read:

old

read:

dirt

read:

road.

read:

We

read:

sat

read:

on

read:

the

read:

ledge,

read:

staring

read:

into

read:

the

read:

water

read:

far,

read:

far below as he told me how he and my

read:

mother

read:

met and

read:

got

read:

married.

read:

I

read:

loved

read:

hearing his

read:

stories.

read:

At the end, he said, “Son, you’re gonna make a woman

read:

real happy

read:

one

read:

day.”
“I

read:

am?”

read:

I

read:

asked,

read:

happy

read:

that

read:

he

read:

could

read:

see

read:

himself

read:

in me.
“You are,

read:

and

read:

I

read:

can’t

read:

wait

read:

to

read:

meet

read:

her.”
And

read:

because

read:

I

read:

didn’t

read:

know

read:

any

read:

better

read:

yet, I asked, “Does

read:

it

read:

have to be

read:

a

read:

woman?”
He

read:

turned

read:

to

read:

face

read:

me

read:

with

read:

a

read:

look

read:

of

read:

genuine

read:

disgust

read:

in

read:

his

read:

eyes. “...The

read:

fuck

read:

you mean, ‘does it

read:

have

read:

to

read:

be

read:

a

read:

woman’?

read:

I ain’t

read:

raisin’

read:

no

read:

goddamn

read:

faggot.

read:

You understand me, boy?”
I

read:

didn’t

read:

understand.

read:

Not

read:

his

read:

anger,

read:

not

read:

that

read:

word he always

read:

spat

read:

out,

read:

and

read:

not

read:

why

read:

he

read:

wouldn’t

read:

answer

read:

my

read:

question,

read:

not

read:

really.

read:

But

read:

still,

read:

I

read:

said, “Yes…”
He

read:

didn’t

read:

speak

read:

again,

read:

us

read:

just sitting

read:

in

read:

tense silence

read:

before

read:

walking

read:

back

read:

down

read:

the

read:

old

read:

dirt

read:

road.

read:

The

read:

sense

read:

of

read:

wonder

read:

I had

read:

felt

read:

before

read:

was

read:

gone.
Back

read:

in

read:

the

read:

present,

read:

I

read:

turned,

read:

and

read:

I

read:

saw

read:

him,

read:

staring

read:

back

read:

at

read:

me

read:

from

read:

the

read:

doorframe,

read:

a

read:

look

read:

of

read:

hurt

read:

confusion

read:

in

read:

his

read:

eyes.
Matthew.
Oh god,

read:

I

read:

thought,

read:

as the

read:

sight

read:

of

read:

him

read:

made

read:

my

read:

heart

read:

start

read:

pumping

read:

faster

read:

and

read:

faster.

read:

As

read:

much

read:

as

read:

I

read:

wanted

read:

to,

read:

I

read:

couldn’t

read:

look

read:

away

read:

from

read:

him.

read:

We

read:

just

read:

stared

read:

at

read:

each

read:

other

read:

for

read:

a

read:

long

read:

moment.
“Hey,

read:

you alright,

read:

Matty?”

read:

said

read:

a

read:

voice

read:

on

read:

the

read:

opposite

read:

side

read:

of

read:

the

read:

room

read:

from

read:

me.
“Huh?

read:

Oh, uh,

read:

yeah..

read:

yeah,

read:

I’m

read:

alright,”

read:

Matthew

read:

said,

read:

and

read:

he

read:

went

read:

to

read:

join

read:

that

read:

table,

read:

taking

read:

his

read:

eyes

read:

off

read:

me

read:

for

read:

the

read:

first

read:

time

read:

in

read:

what

read:

felt

read:

like

read:

forever.
Of

read:

course,

read:

the

read:

others

read:

at

read:

my

read:

table

read:

took

read:

notice. “Hey,

read:

uh,

read:

everything

read:

okay,

read:

Jay?”

read:

Simone

read:

asked

read:

me. “You

read:

two

read:

know

read:

each

read:

other?”
I

read:

stayed

read:

quiet,

read:

so

read:

Lav

read:

was

read:

the

read:

one

read:

who

read:

spoke

read:

first. “It’s

read:

a

read:

long

read:

story.”
“Yeah,”

read:

I

read:

said, “I’d

read:

uh,

read:

rather

read:

not

read:

talk

read:

about

read:

it

read:

just

read:

yet.”
Reese

read:

put

read:

her

read:

paws

read:

up

read:

as

read:

if

read:

she

read:

was

read:

surrendering

read:

for

read:

both

read:

herself

read:

and

read:

her

read:

partner. “Got

read:

it.

read:

That’s

read:

all

read:

we

read:

need

read:

to

read:

know.

read:

Right?”

read:

She

read:

turned

read:

to

read:

the

read:

rest

read:

of

read:

the

read:

table.
“Right,”

read:

Simone

read:

and

read:

the

read:

others

read:

said

read:

in

read:

response.
“But

read:

Jay,

read:

just

read:

know

read:

that

read:

this

read:

is

read:

a

read:

safe

read:

space,

read:

and

read:

we’re

read:

here

read:

for

read:

you,

read:

okay?”

read:

Reese said.
“Yeah,

read:

yeah,”

read:

I

read:

said, “thank

read:

you.

read:

I

read:

appreciate

read:

it.”
Reese

read:

smiled. “Of

read:

course.

read:

Just

read:

let

read:

us

read:

know.”
I

read:

nodded,

read:

and

read:

the

read:

rest

read:

of

read:

the

read:

table

read:

got

read:

back

read:

to

read:

their

read:

own

read:

conversations.

read:

I

read:

wanted

read:

to

read:

pay

read:

attention,

read:

but

read:

I

read:

was

read:

too

read:

distracted

read:

by

read:

Matthew’s

read:

presence

read:

to

read:

be

read:

able to, and I…
I…
I was 21 and I had just met Matthew at orientation in my first

read:

week

read:

of

read:

community

read:

college.

read:

I

read:

was

read:

intimidated

read:

by

read:

his

read:

size

read:

and

read:

species, but

read:

I

read:

quickly

read:

learned

read:

the

read:

massive

read:

grizzly

read:

bear

read:

was

read:

a

read:

gentle

read:

giant who

read:

spoke

read:

sweetly

read:

and

read:

softly.

read:

We

read:

became

read:

close,

read:

meeting up

read:

for

read:

lunch,

read:

to

read:

study,

read:

to

read:

drink,

read:

to

read:

play

read:

video

read:

games,

read:

and

read:

just

read:

to

read:

talk,

read:

sometimes

read:

for

read:

hours

read:

on

read:

end. He

read:

quickly

read:

became

read:

the

read:

closest

read:

friend

read:

I had

read:

ever

read:

had.

read:

It

read:

was

read:

only

read:

when

read:

being

read:

around

read:

Matthew

read:

started

read:

to

read:

feel

read:

like

read:

the

read:

sunshine

read:

penetrating my fur that I became too

read:

terrified

read:

to go

read:

on.
Lav

read:

grabbed

read:

my

read:

paw

read:

and

read:

turned

read:

to

read:

me

read:

with

read:

a

read:

gentle

read:

look

read:

on

read:

her

read:

face. “You

read:

doin’ alright,

read:

bud?”

read:

she

read:

asked,

read:

quiet

read:

enough

read:

for

read:

only

read:

me

read:

to

read:

hear.
“Uuuuggghhh,”

read:

I

read:

groaned

read:

in

read:

response.
“Sounds

read:

about

read:

right,”

read:

she

read:

chuckled.
“Is there

read:

anywhere

read:

we

read:

can

read:

talk

read:

in

read:

private?”

read:

I

read:

asked.
“Yeah.

read:

Follow

read:

me.”

read:

She

read:

led

read:

me

read:

through

read:

a

read:

door

read:

to

read:

the

read:

neighboring

read:

hallway. “What’s

read:

up?”

read:

she

read:

asked,

read:

once

read:

we

read:

got

read:

used

read:

to

read:

the

read:

harsh

read:

fluorescent

read:

lights.
“Reese

read:

said

read:

he

read:

was

read:

a

read:

regular.

read:

You

read:

knew

read:

he’d

read:

be

read:

here,

read:

didn’t

read:

you?”

read:

I

read:

asked,

read:

trying

read:

not

read:

to

read:

make

read:

it

read:

sound

read:

like

read:

the

read:

accusation

read:

that

read:

it

read:

was.
“Of

read:

course

read:

I

read:

knew,

read:

Jay,”

read:

she

read:

said. “He

read:

comes to

read:

every

read:

one

read:

of

read:

these.”
“And

read:

you

read:

kept

read:

that

read:

from

read:

me?”

read:

I

read:

would

read:

have

read:

felt

read:

more

read:

angry

read:

at

read:

her

read:

if

read:

I

read:

wasn’t

read:

so

read:

anxious.
“You

read:

never

read:

would

read:

have

read:

come

read:

if

read:

I

read:

told

read:

you

read:

he’d

read:

for

read:

sure

read:

be

read:

here.”
“Yeah, but

read:

this

read:

is

read:

way

read:

too

read:

much

read:

for

read:

me.

read:

I’m

read:

not

read:

ready

read:

to

read:

see

read:

him

read:

again,

read:

I

read:

don’t

read:

think

read:

I’ll

read:

ever

read:

be.”
“Jay,”

read:

she

read:

said,

read:

grabbing

read:

me

read:

by

read:

the

read:

shoulders and

read:

staring

read:

at

read:

me

read:

dead

read:

in

read:

the

read:

eyes, “you

read:

need

read:

to

read:

get

read:

the

read:

fuck

read:

over

read:

yourself.

read:

It’s

read:

time.

read:

You’ve

read:

grown

read:

so

read:

much

read:

since

read:

I

read:

met

read:

you.

read:

You

read:

are

read:

ready

read:

for

read:

this,

read:

I

read:

know

read:

you

read:

are.”

read:

Lav

read:

just

read:

had

read:

a

read:

determined

read:

look

read:

in

read:

her

read:

eyes.
“But-”

read:

She

read:

slapped

read:

me

read:

in

read:

the

read:

face. “Ow!

read:

Jesus!”
“No

read:

buts!

read:

We

read:

are

read:

going

read:

to

read:

go

read:

back

read:

into

read:

that

read:

room,

read:

and

read:

you

read:

are

read:

going

read:

to

read:

talk

read:

with

read:

Matthew.

read:

We

read:

can’t

read:

know

read:

how

read:

he’ll

read:

react,

read:

and

read:

I

read:

know

read:

it’s

read:

scary,

read:

but

read:

you

read:

cannot

read:

just

read:

ignore

read:

this

read:

anymore.

read:

But

read:

whatever

read:

happens,

read:

I’ll

read:

be

read:

there

read:

for

read:

you.

read:

Okay?”
My

read:

head

read:

drooped

read:

down,

read:

and

read:

I

read:

sighed.

read:

She

read:

was

read:

right,

read:

like

read:

always.

read:

And

read:

even

read:

if

read:

she

read:

wasn’t,

read:

I

read:

knew

read:

she

read:

would

read:

never

read:

take

read:

no

read:

for

read:

an

read:

answer

read:

with

read:

something

read:

like

read:

this.

read:

So

read:

I

read:

looked

read:

back

read:

up,

read:

and

read:

said, “Okay.”
“Yes!

read:

That’s

read:

a

read:

good

read:

boy!”

read:

she

read:

said,

read:

patting

read:

my

read:

head.

read:

Now

read:

it

read:

was

read:

my

read:

turn

read:

to

read:

slap her. “Aagh!!!

read:

Okay.

read:

Yeah.

read:

Deserved.”




This

read:

was

read:

the

read:

first

read:

of

read:

two

read:

parts

read:

of “The

read:

Embrace”

read:

by

read:

Lou

read:

le Loup,

read:

read for you by READER, with CALLSIGN. Tune in

read:

next

read:

time,

read:

to

read:

see

read:

Jay’s

read:

first

read:

conversation

read:

with

read:

Matthew

read:

in

read:

over

read:

two

read:

and

read:

a

read:

half

read:

years.

read:

What

read:

happened

read:

between

read:

Jay

read:

and

read:

Matthew?

read:

Does

read:

Jay

read:

deserve

read:

to be forgiven? Only Matthew

read:

can decide

read:

that

read:

for

read:

himself.

You

read:

can

read:

find

read:

more

read:

stories

read:

on

read:

the

read:

web at thevoice.dog, or

read:

find

read:

the

read:

show

read:

wherever

read:

you

read:

get

read:

your

read:

podcasts.

read:

Happy

read:

Pride,

read:

and

read:

Thank

read:

you

read:

for

read:

listening

read:

to

read:

The

read:

Voice

read:

of

read:

Dog.

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