Shownotes
[18+] Work sucks, but when Elijah finds an old friend, he figures out how to pass the time.
Today’s story is “Free Samples” by Dirt Coyote, who, when he’s not causing all sorts of trouble on twitter, is writing a novel, a series, and short furry fiction. His story featured on The Voice of Dog, “I’m Just Your Stud” was nominated for Coyotl’s Best Short Story of 2021. Find him at DirtCoyote on Twitter for future updates.
Read for you by Rob MacWolf — werewolf hitchhiker.
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https://thevoice.dog/episode/18-free-samples-by-dirt-coyote
Transcripts
Today's story concerns adult subject matter for mature listeners.
Speaker:If that's not your cup of tea,
Speaker:or there are youngsters listening,
Speaker:please skip this one
Speaker:and come back for another story another time.
Speaker:You’re listening to The Voice of Dog.
Speaker:This is Rob MacWolf, your Fellow Traveller,
Speaker:and Today’s story is “Free Samples”
Speaker:by Dirt Coyote, who, when he’s not causing all sorts of trouble on twitter,
Speaker:is writing a novel,
Speaker:a series, and short furry fiction.
Speaker:His story featured
Speaker:on The Voice of Dog,
Speaker:“I’m Just Your Stud”
Speaker:was nominated for Coyotl’s Best Short Story
Speaker:of 2021.
Speaker:Find him at DirtCoyote on Twitter for future updates.
Speaker:Please enjoy “Free Samples”
Speaker:By Dirt Coyote The breakroom entrance squealed noisily to Elijah’s dismay. The cacomistle’s slender muzzle poked out the crack, sniffing for scents
Speaker:and listening for voices.
Speaker:Fortunately, no one was around.
Speaker:With the coast clear, he slipped inside and walked over to his locker, pulling out his associate’s vest before
Speaker:tapping on a tablet hanging against the wall.
Speaker:A catalog of names dropped from the screen
Speaker:and he clicked on his to clock in.
Speaker:“Uh oh!” a cartoon mouse in his own associate’s vest erupted.
Speaker:Comically sized drops of sweat flung off his brow and he tapped at his wrist watch correctively.
Speaker:“Looks like you’re late again.
Speaker:Here’s some helpful tips,”
Speaker:the rodent said in a plastic patronizing tone.
Speaker:Every time Elijah lost his patience and tried to skip ahead of the lesson
Speaker:it would start over from the beginning.
Speaker:He didn’t remember it being this annoying last time that he was late three days in a row, but the company was always developing new ways
Speaker:to make things worse.
Speaker:It wouldn’t be a big surprise to anyone if all employees would eventually be chipped with a device that would shock them for being a minute late.
Speaker:Finally finishing the prompts, it allowed Elijah to clock in,
Speaker:now ten minutes late instead of five.
Speaker:He rolled his eyes and reminded himself to show up early tomorrow if he didn’t want to get anymore digital chastising.
Speaker:Two more late shows and he’ll get a warning slip.
Speaker:Three warning slips will
Speaker:get him a tardy card.
Speaker:Then if he collects five tardy cards, they’ll bring him in for a performance review.
Speaker:After about a dozen of those,
Speaker:they might think of actually
Speaker:firing him. Who’d want that?
Speaker:Grumbling, Elijah put on his vest and worked his way out the double doors leading into the store.
Speaker:Bright fluorescent light disoriented the cacomistle momentarily.
Speaker:As he worked his way towards his section of the store, his tail coiled loosely around his leg.
Speaker:Shoppers in the megamart took little heed of his long striped whip, more concerned with their grocery list than the associates.
Speaker:He was all too familiar being run over by the wheel of a cart.
Speaker:Spotting a wolf cub reaching for a box of cereal, he hastily stepped in before she could try to climb the rack.
Speaker:“Here, lemme grab that,”
Speaker:he said, working some sincerity into his voice.
Speaker:He snatched the large box and leaned over her.
Speaker:“Coco Flakes. Those were my favorite growing up.”
Speaker:She took the box gingerly, thanking him before studying the back in awe.
Speaker:Puzzles and riddles distracted her as Elijah walked towards a wolf staring him down.
Speaker:Just as he approached his cart, the customer gave a low growl,
Speaker:“Thanks jackass. Now she’s gonna want it.”
Speaker:“Just doing my part,”
Speaker:the cacomistle replied, clicking his tongue.
Speaker:The annoyed wolf barely made it halfway down the aisle before his cub was begging him for the cereal.
Speaker:He took it, turning back around in frustration
Speaker:before reluctantly shoving it inside his cart.
Speaker:Elijah turned away, almost out of the isle when the wolf
Speaker:knocked over half a dozen boxes with his tail
Speaker:and let out a facetious,
Speaker:“Oops.” “Fuckin’ hate this job,”
Speaker:Elijah muttered while restacking the shelf.
Speaker:“Free samples!” a nasally voice called out.
Speaker:Both of Elijah’s ears stood
Speaker:and a curious smile crept up his muzzle.
Speaker:There’s no way in
Speaker:hell. Elijah quickly stuffed the last box on the shelf, not caring if it was flush.
Speaker:There was a giddiness in his steps,
Speaker:excited to confirm his suspicions.
Speaker:There, as he turned the corner, stood a lanky glasses-wearing raccoon
Speaker:huddled over a table of trays.
Speaker:They made eye contact,
Speaker:but the raccoon didn’t seem to recognize him at first.
Speaker:He was wearing the same ugly yellow associates vest over a long sleeve orange checkered shirt,
Speaker:and had latex gloves over each paw.
Speaker:With a net over his headfur, he was almost unrecognizable.
Speaker:If not for his voice,
Speaker:Elijah would have missed Ian Baker passing out microwaved hot dogs.
Speaker:“The fuck is this?”
Speaker:Elijah asked with a chuckle, approaching the raccoon.
Speaker:It took Ian a second to remember
Speaker:the cacomistle
Speaker:and his eyes shifted away when he did.
Speaker:“Free samples?” “Is this a joke or something?” Elijah extended his paws and shifted around in a half circle. “Or,
Speaker:maybe a social experiment?”
Speaker:The raccoon, annoyed, leaned in and whispered,
Speaker:“Just take the sample and go. I don’t need this right now.” “Elijah!” The sharp familiar snarl of his manager was enough to shut him up, at least for a second.
Speaker:The tall hare came storming up to him with a finger waving.
Speaker:“Late. Always late.
Speaker:Could you please not soil our new associate with your poor behavior,”
Speaker:he said in a kettle whistle voice.
Speaker:It was sharp enough to duck both
Speaker:procynid’s ears reflexively.
Speaker:“Sorry Sean, you know traffic these days,”
Speaker:Elijah joked with a shrug.
Speaker:“Traffic?! Traffic!?
Speaker:I can climb on the roof
Speaker:and throw a rock far enough to hit your little bum fu—”
Speaker:Sean pressed his buck teeth to his lip,
Speaker:closed his eyes, and took a
Speaker:deep inhale before letting it out slowly.
Speaker:“Not today. You’re not doing this to me today.
Speaker:This is a good day.
Speaker:We have a new associate for your department.”
Speaker:With that, the black and white hare extended both arms to the raccoon in a Ta
Speaker:-da fashion. Neither were impressed enough to react
Speaker:and Elijah was the first to break the awkward silence.
Speaker:“We’re familiar,” he started, looking over Ian cautiously.
Speaker:“So he actually works here? Wow.
Speaker:The great Ian Baker.
Speaker:In my department no less.”
Speaker:The hare shared a downward glance between the two before warning,
Speaker:“Hey, you’ll tell me now if I hired another lazy good-for-nothing—”
Speaker:“Ian?” Elijah barked a laugh.
Speaker:“Don’t you know? He was my class valedictorian.
Speaker:Had a whooooooole speech and everything”
Speaker:—he passed a wink to the uncomfortable looking raccoon— ”He’ll
Speaker:be a great fit.” Sean bounced on his feet, clapping paws together tightly before announcing, “Good! Good,
Speaker:good, good!
Speaker:That’s exactly what I like to hear and love to see.
Speaker:Go grab Miranda so she can take over here.”
Speaker:“Saw her on a break as I was walking in,”
Speaker:Elijah interjected.
Speaker:Sean threw his arms up and stamped his large lapine footpaw hard. “Always on breaks!
Speaker:I swear, you each take one every five minutes.
Speaker:Just go. Show him the ropes.”
Speaker:Ian was shoved out behind the table by the hyper hare putting on his own set of gloves.
Speaker:The raccoon handed over his apron
Speaker:as Elijah led him away towards his section.
Speaker:Elijah nudged the other’s shoulder.
Speaker:“So, looks like we’re partners again. Remember Woodshop? We used to get in so much trouble.”
Speaker:Ian scoffed, “We were, like, twelve.
Speaker:I barely remember what I ate for dinner last night.”
Speaker:Elijah waved a paw in circles excitedly as he jogged his own memory.
Speaker:“How could you forget that time we painted a doe’s white spots pink when she fell asleep in class
Speaker:or the puzzle box you gave the teacher that he couldn’t solve.”
Speaker:A chuckle escaped the raccoon’s muzzle.
Speaker:“It was just a block of wood I cut some grooves in.
Speaker:Took him ten minutes to realize that,”
Speaker:Ian said, his reminiscing cut short with a shake of his muzzle. “That
Speaker:was in the past.
Speaker:I’d rather focus on now.”
Speaker:Rebuffed, Elijah snorted and said,
Speaker:“Maybe I can just show you how to work the intercom so you can get your big speech out of the way early.”
Speaker:Ian stopped, sticking a finger into the cacomistle’s chest and growled,
Speaker:“Would you just drop that?”
Speaker:Elijah held his paws in the air dismissively,
Speaker:"Fine, fine. Let’s get this over with.
Speaker:with." He stepped to a row of video games and pointed at them.
Speaker:"You know how to stack things so the title is facing outward?" "Uh,
Speaker:yeah?" the raccoon replied looking perplexed. "Awesome. You're already a better worker than half the store,"
Speaker:Elijah said as he led him over to a circular kiosk holding the electronic department’s registers.
Speaker:He reached underneath and pulled out a key hanging from a nail.
Speaker:"Now, you know how to turn one of these bad boys.
Speaker:boys." Ian searched around and
Speaker:pointed at a case with several expensive headphones inside.
Speaker:"A key? For the stuff behind the glass?"
Speaker:Elijah whistled with some satisfaction.
Speaker:"Fast learner. That easily puts you in my top ten!"
Speaker:The raccoon fiddled with his glasses and stood dumbfounded.
Speaker:Elijah just slapped him on the arm teasingly and stuck his tongue out.
Speaker:That got a surprise yelp from Ian and he rubbed at his arm.
Speaker:"Hey, don't hit me," he whined with his muzzle facing the ground.
Speaker:Elijah just shook his head.
Speaker:"Oh, lighten up, dude.
Speaker:dude." The cacomistle leaned up against the register and pulled out his phone,
Speaker:sending off a post on his social about his new coworker.
Speaker:He then scrolled through his feed,
Speaker:only looking up when Ian waved a paw in his face.
Speaker:"What?" Elijah asked, annoyed. "I thought
Speaker:you were training me?"
Speaker:Ian hissed, holding his paws
Speaker:out. "Aren't you gonna show me where everything is? What if a customer has a question for me?"
Speaker:Elijah got a cocky grin as he put his phone away.
Speaker:"That's easy," he teased, his paw pointing upward.
Speaker:"You see all the signs hanging.
Speaker:You just look for yourself and point them to wherever they ask.
Speaker:ask." Ian's maw went agape,
Speaker:"That's it?" "What were you expecting?
Speaker:I guess you're not as smart as you bragged," Elijah
Speaker:teased. That got a huff from Ian, folding his arms and turning away.
Speaker:Elijah, not wanting to leave the nerd sour,
Speaker:reached forward and tapped his shoulder.
Speaker:He jumped and spun back around.
Speaker:“Do you have to be so
Speaker:touchy?” Ian snapped.
Speaker:"Jeez, once we started high school, you became so cagey,”
Speaker:Elijah spat with his arms folded.
Speaker:“You haven’t changed at all,”
Speaker:Ian retorted, his arms crossed.
Speaker:“You never take anything seriously.”
Speaker:“What’s there to take seriously?
Speaker:This is the easiest job on the planet. All you gotta do is ring up people’s items from this section and
Speaker:occasionally say 'I highly recommend these earbuds' when
Speaker:someone's got a dumb fucking question for you.
Speaker:If Sean comes around, grab a rag and start wiping shit or look like you're stacking things.
Speaker:Oh,"
Speaker:he paused, turning his head towards some rustling behind him,
Speaker:"and when some jackass tries to take one of the floor model TVs, stop them.
Speaker:Sir!" Elijah jumped to his feet, racing over to a moose trying to unplug a 45 inch television on a shelf.
Speaker:Even when the cacomistle halted the customer,
Speaker:the older man couldn’t be immediately dissuaded to simply take one of the boxes underneath the display.
Speaker:He argued that he meant to grab the floor model
Speaker:because he was sure that it was the exact size for his entertainment center.
Speaker:“I assure you sir that I’ll personally set up your next television
Speaker:if this one doesn’t fit,”
Speaker:Elijah said, tucking the box underneath his cart.
Speaker:Not even a second after the customer turned the corner did Elijah lean into Ian and muttered,
Speaker:“See, other than the occasional jackass, easiest job on the planet.”
Speaker:Ian slumped up against a shelf,
Speaker:paws clasping each side of his muzzle as he asked,
Speaker:“What am I doing here?”
Speaker:“That’s what I’m saying!” Elijah laughed, taking a spot next to him.
Speaker:“Aren’t you supposed to be, like, well, how did you put it?” “2,300 miles away from you bumbling idiots,”
Speaker:they said in unison,
Speaker:Elijah’s words cheeky while Ian’s let out in defeated exasperation.
Speaker:A long high pitched whine escaped out Ian’s lips as he slunk down the counter.
Speaker:Further and further
Speaker:did the raccoon sink until he was almost flat on his ass.
Speaker:Elijah didn’t mind watching the breakdown, especially since he got his own little shout out during the infamous graduation speech.
Speaker:“So what happened to beaches and rocket science?”
Speaker:Now, with his jaw resting on his knees, Ian mumbled,
Speaker:“Computer science.” “What
Speaker:—the fuck— ever. What happened?”
Speaker:There was a pause.
Speaker:Sounds of shopping carts strolling by leisurely over the non-offensive jingle jangle repeating endlessly on speakers overhead filled the silence between them.
Speaker:Elijah caught the thick gulp gurgling inside Ian’s throat as he worked up the courage to speak.
Speaker:He was about to lose his patience before the raccoon boy pushed himself off the ground and back up to his feet.
Speaker:“What do you think happened?
Speaker:It went viral! ‘Class Valedictorian Uses Graduation Speech to Tear Into Students, Faculty, and Family’.
Speaker:Someone recorded everything
Speaker:and uploaded it online.
Speaker:Hundreds of thousands of people saw me and my big mouth.
Speaker:Everyone thought I was a
Speaker:joke at UC Golden,”
Speaker:Ian whined, rubbing his eyes as he continued.
Speaker:“Those that didn’t think I was a joke, thought I was a jerk.
Speaker:No one would work with me
Speaker:and professors had it out for me too.
Speaker:The pressure just got to me. I packed my things
Speaker:and came back home.”
Speaker:Instead of the sympathy Ian might have expected,
Speaker:Elijah just laughed and said,
Speaker:“Tch, yeah, they really should have cut the mic at some point,
Speaker:especially when you started going to town on the principal’s bald spots.
Speaker:Nope, they just let you keep going until you
Speaker:insulted everyone in our class.”
Speaker:Elijah reached to slap Ian on the arm but managed to control himself.
Speaker:“Hey, ‘member what you said about me?”
Speaker:Ian’s ears perked up and he turned his head.
Speaker:Shades of pink and red blossomed under his gray cheek scruff.
Speaker:His tail twitched a couple times and he wrapped an arm around his chest to clench his shoulder. “N
Speaker:-no. It’s been months and most of that was improv,”
Speaker:he said, unable to make eye contact.
Speaker:“Yeah, I forgot it anyways,”
Speaker:Elijah lied, but pushed through.
Speaker:“What I didn’t forget was you comin’ out during the middle of it.
Speaker:Nice, dude.” Ian furrowed his brow, straightening himself out defensively.
Speaker:“Yeah, I’m gay. Not gonna be a problem, is it?”
Speaker:His words had some bite in them,
Speaker:but also felt shaky. “Woooooooooow,"
Speaker:Elijah said, giving him a couple claps for the performance.
Speaker:“News flash, Ian, but you weren’t the only gay among us, as you said, ‘Hillfolk’.
Speaker:Everyone knew I was passing out handjobs in the gymnasium bathroom since sophomore year.”
Speaker:Ian’s face drained of color
Speaker:and his eyes went wide. “Y-you were gay all along?
Speaker:No one told me! I thought I was—
Speaker:I thought it was just me.”
Speaker:“No, it wasn’t just you,
Speaker:dummy,” Elijah said, his tone annoyed.
Speaker:“There were a few of us.
Speaker:You were just stuck in your nerd group looking down at everyone because you played Demon: The Reckoning cards and watched dumb Doug Riot sci-fi movies." Quizitively, the raccoon let down his defensive stance and flicked up his ears.
Speaker:When he spoke, his voice kept low,
Speaker:"You gave handjobs in the bathroom?"
Speaker:Just as he asked, a vixen walked by with her little todd holding her paw.
Speaker:She gave Ian a deathglare and snorted loudly.
Speaker:The little boy looked up in confusion between the adults,
Speaker:trying to figure out what word he wasn't supposed to hear
Speaker:to save into his lexicon for later.
Speaker:"It's a Bargain Wurld, Wendy. If you wanted somewhere classy, there's a Tarjay up the road,"
Speaker:Elijah spat out as the vixen picked up her pace down the isles.
Speaker:Turning to Ian, he groaned out,
Speaker:"Smooth, dork." "Sorry,"
Speaker:Ian whimpered, nose towards the ground.
Speaker:Lightening up, the raccoon said, "Anyways, all the time.
Speaker:Heck, if you didn't take off so fast, I'd have done it right after you finished your speech."
Speaker:Ian's glasses nearly popped off his snout with how quick he flicked up his head.
Speaker:His eyebrows were arched high and he fought against a smile emerging at the corners of his lips.
Speaker:Another loud gulp choked down a large lump in his throat before he opened his muzzle and asked,
Speaker:“You wanted to do stuff
Speaker:with me...even after the speech?”
Speaker:“Hell yeah!” Elijah
Speaker:exclaimed, getting a nearby lynx to kick
Speaker:up his legs in fright.
Speaker:He scooted off, but not before giving the stink eye to the cacomistle.
Speaker:Calming himself down,
Speaker:Elijah continued in a whisper, “Dude,
Speaker:it was so hot.
Speaker:You told off everyone in the school.”
Speaker:He traced a paw down to his shorts and touched a finger to his crotch.
Speaker:“Kinda getting a little excited thinking about it now.”
Speaker:Ian’s eyes darted around,
Speaker:wondering if anyone could see them.
Speaker:Elijah knew he was well hidden, both behind the waist high counter of the kiosk and because customers barely saw him as a person to begin with.
Speaker:With the way the raccoon was getting hot, he wasn’t sure if because it was so public or if he was getting excited himself.
Speaker:Guess he'd test the waters.
Speaker:"You know, there's a bathroom no one uses that no cameras face," the cacomistle said slyly.
Speaker:Elijah gave him his best bedroom eyes.
Speaker:With a thumb underneath his cargo shorts, he beckoned Ian
Speaker:to look at the pubic fur he exposed to the air. The cacomistle’s
Speaker:thick white fur was tucked quickly back behind his clothes
Speaker:just as the other boy took a peak.
Speaker:Fog steamed up behin his glasses.
Speaker:Pulling them off his muzzle, Ian wiped each lens on his shirt as he stammered,
Speaker:"What if we got caught?
Speaker:Doesn't someone need to be up here?
Speaker:Won't Sean notice?
Speaker:Also, I dunno if I could do that in a bathroom.
Speaker:Maybe we should just try another time.
Speaker:time." None of his protests seemed to slow him down one bit as the cacomistle led him through the back.
Speaker:No one gave them any second glance walking together paw in paw, though their scent tagged along dangerously.
Speaker:Elijah hardly let the bathroom door close behind him before he was sinking fangs into the other’s neck.
Speaker:"Oh, shit. I'd, oof, I'm not really
Speaker:—this is kinda a—" Ian was cut off by a finger to his lips.
Speaker:Elijah got a few more kisses and nips at this throat before murmuring,
Speaker:"Shut up, nerd, ‘fore I change my mind.
Speaker:mind." That seemed to do the trick and Ian allowed the cacomistle to plant him down on the toilet.
Speaker:The raccoon's heart could be heard thumping loudly as his chest boomed out and in.
Speaker:Elijah was breathing just as hard himself,
Speaker:taking in the other's scent greedily and letting out little murmurs of his
Speaker:own. It'd been a minute since he'd done anything like this.
Speaker:Sean would usually get too clingy after they found themselves leaving the same bathroom.
Speaker:He traced a claw along the outline of Ian's bulge.
Speaker:It twitched in his pants, just as excited as he was.
Speaker:Working quickly, Elijah fingered at his shorts the same time he loosened the belt in front of him.
Speaker:Ian tried helping and their paws fought against one another awkwardly
Speaker:until finally his zipper was unzipped and his briefs were tugged down.
Speaker:Ian's cock bounced out of his underwear, springing into the air crowned with a pearl of pre.
Speaker:Not minding the grimey tile floor, Elijah dropped his shorts
Speaker:as he got to his knees.
Speaker:Wrapped tightly in his own paw was his six inch cock dripping pre out onto the ground.
Speaker:Taking a second to admire the sight,
Speaker:the cacomistle sized the raccoon's endowment with a devious smile. "Hmmm, I think I'm probably a tad bigger,"
Speaker:Elijah commented. "Wha— oh, can it, jerk," Ian hissed, glaring down at the raccoon.
Speaker:"You're the one that wanted to
Speaker:—" Ian cut off in a squeak
Speaker:right as Elijah gripped the base of his shaft.
Speaker:A gulp bounced against the walls, ricochetting loudly until it was replaced with the soft coo of delight.
Speaker:Elijah rubbed his cock in long slow strokes that pumped out pre freely.
Speaker:Drops rolled down the sides,
Speaker:leaving sticky trails along the cacomistle’s fingertips.
Speaker:He worked both paws in tandem, getting a steady rhythm between the two of them.
Speaker:Something about Ian,
Speaker:the scenario, the speech, or even just the setting
Speaker:did things for him that made his mind swirl in pleasure. Biting his lip, he gave both himself and the raccoon a squeeze
Speaker:and was rewarded dual moans that dared to escape the thin plywood walls.
Speaker:Elijah’s gaze was shared between Ian’s dick and his black mask,
Speaker:seeing pleasure written all over the raccoon’s bent whiskers.
Speaker:The glasses on his face were clumsily leaning towards one side
Speaker:and his tongue dangled out as he panted for breath.
Speaker:As if Ian could read his mind, he reached up a paw to wipe drool on his chin and whispered, “This feels really good.” That got a chuckle from Elijah, but he kept focused.
Speaker:Gradually, he quickened his pace in tiny increments.
Speaker:Every stroke that started from the base of his shaft met the tip of his cock ever so slightly faster.
Speaker:After several minutes though, he was pumping himself and Ian at full speed
Speaker:and swiftly approaching
Speaker:the point of no return.
Speaker:He knew it just as surely for Ian as he did himself
Speaker:and couldn’t keep from similarly gasping for breath.
Speaker:Ian gripped both paws to the toilet seat to steady himself while his shoes squealed against the tile underneath.
Speaker:His legs stretched out on either side of Elijah
Speaker:and he let out something that might’ve been a warning,
Speaker:too muffled to be intelligible.
Speaker:He wouldn’t have understood it anyways,
Speaker:caught up in his own orgasm
Speaker:as his first shot splattered against the toilet’s base.
Speaker:Moans of pleasure escaped from Ian loudly, unable to stifle himself each time a new rope of cum jetted from his cock.
Speaker:Most landed right back down on his own shaft, leaving a puddle over Elijah’s paw.
Speaker:His grip remained firm as he coaxed the last bits of his spunk out of him,
Speaker:only letting go at the end of his own orgasm.
Speaker:Curiously, he brought his fingers to his tongue
Speaker:and gave a lick at the jizz covered paw.
Speaker:“Not bad,” Elijah remarked, looking up at Ian.
Speaker:The raccoon had thrown his head back and was catching his breath,
Speaker:unable to see the cacomistle cleaning off his fingers.
Speaker:Elijah looked down and grimaced at the mess he’d left on the floor.
Speaker:Some of it was still clinging to the toilet, while the rest had pooled along the cracks in the floor.
Speaker:Thinking about someone else cleaning it up
Speaker:didn’t feel right and
Speaker:killed his afterglow before he could even let it settle in.
Speaker:He sighed, getting up off the floor and
Speaker:pulling up his shorts.
Speaker:Grabbing a few towels from a dispenser, he strolled back and was about ready to get to work before a sniffle caught his ears.
Speaker:Elijah looked down on the raccoon, still sitting on the seat with his eyes open staring into nothing.
Speaker:“Wait, what’re you
Speaker:doing?” Elijah asked, heart filling with dread.
Speaker:Another sniffle and the cacomistle got more defensive,
Speaker:“The fuck, you got a
Speaker:cold or something?”
Speaker:he asked, knowing that wasn’t the truth.
Speaker:A sad low murmur parted Ian’s lips before he sniffed again hard,
Speaker:snot already working out of his nostrils.
Speaker:Tears had built up and were blinked out of the corners of his eyes.
Speaker:His ears were folded back and his long tail had wrapped around his leg.
Speaker:He hadn’t bothered to clean himself up one bit before the first sob left his muzzle.
Speaker:“Aw, fuck no, please don’t—”
Speaker:“I’m sorry,” Ian snorted in a large glob of snot dangling from his nose before continuing,
Speaker:“it’s just, is this what my life has come to?
Speaker:Getting my first sexual experience in the bathroom of a Bargain Wurld
Speaker:from fucking Elijah Davies?”
Speaker:Several loud open sobs let out before he we,
Speaker:“Did I really fuck up this so b— OW!
Speaker:Hey! What’re you doing?
Speaker:Stop!” Elijah had begun throwing wads of paper towels right at the raccoon’s muzzle
Speaker:and when he was out,
Speaker:he assaulted him with light but unrelenting swats at his arms and ears. “Nuh uh.
Speaker:No fucking way, buddy. I’m not your fucking low point.
Speaker:I’m not your late teen crisis, jackass.”
Speaker:“Ow, fine fine.
Speaker:Just stop,” Ian begged as he feebly swatted away the paws coming at him.
Speaker:Elijah let out one more huff before
Speaker:spinning around and storming out the bathroom.
Speaker:He was practically fuming as he stomped through the hallway,
Speaker:pushing past anyone in his way.
Speaker:His wirely tail whipped at the walls and boxes carelessly.
Speaker:As he stepped out into the store, he trudged towards his department blindly.
Speaker:Only made it halfway there before a customer ran over his lashing tail.
Speaker:He let out a yelp in pain, but instead of an apology, he just got a glare and a snort from a weasel.
Speaker:“Be more careful,”
Speaker:the customer scolded.
Speaker:Elijah pulled out his tail from underneath the cart and kept it in his paws.
Speaker:The apology he was expecting never came,
Speaker:the man turning his attention to bread
Speaker:stacked on the shelves.
Speaker:It took all of his energy not to chew out the customer right there.
Speaker:All he could do was hold it inside and keep himself to low muttering
Speaker:as finally made it back into the safety of his kiosk.
Speaker:At that exact moment Sean was storming up with the question
Speaker:“Where the fuck have you been?”
Speaker:on his muzzle. A deadly glare in the hare’s direction
Speaker:sent him screeching to a halt.
Speaker:He looked around nervously, trying to find
Speaker:something else to fix his attention to
Speaker:before walking off as if he had better business to deal with.
Speaker:Elijah let out a sigh of relief,
Speaker:at least glad that Sean wasn’t going to pester him yet.
Speaker:He’d probably circle back around on him when he cooled off though and that wasn’t going to be pleasant.
Speaker:With his anger split between the hare and the customer, he wasn’t feeling quite as bad about Ian anymore.
Speaker:Part of him still felt awful though as he sulked over the counter. “H
Speaker:-hey,” Ian stuttered behind him,
Speaker:“I didn’t mean to imply, I mean—”
Speaker:Elijah cut him off,
Speaker:“Save it. I know what you meant. It’s fine. Just usually takes longer for people to realize I’m the biggest loser here.”
Speaker:He could hear the raccoon shuffling about behind him,
Speaker:nervously pondering his next step.
Speaker:A surprise paw resting on his shoulder eased him up enough to relax.
Speaker:Hesitantly, but with more sureness in his voice, Ian tried again,
Speaker:“I didn’t mean to imply that.
Speaker:You’re not a loser. I’m—
Speaker:I’m sorry for reacting the way I did.”
Speaker:Another long sigh released from Elijah,
Speaker:this one actually relieving some of the pressure built up inside.
Speaker:Still not looking at him, he tried his own apology,
Speaker:“Yeah, well, I’m sorry I laughed at you when Christopher Wood knocked the books out of your paws.”
Speaker:There was a pause between them,
Speaker:Ian’s paw tensing up on his shoulder before he pulled it off altogether.
Speaker:Elijah turned to meet his gaze only to see that the raccoon’s muzzle was facing the ground. “Y
Speaker:-you remembered?" he asked shakily.
Speaker:Elijah shrugged it off with a “Tch,”
Speaker:and raised his paws up in air quotes, imitating Ian's voice.
Speaker:“And fuck Christopher Wood for slapping my books out of my paws that one time. The only saving grace was Elijah Davie’s hideous honking laughter that came afterwards.
Speaker:And Elijah was too dense to realize everyone was laughing at him instead of me,”
Speaker:he punctuated his quote by confirming,
Speaker:“Yeah, I remembered.” A gulp choked down Ian’s throat loud enough to be heard from one side of the store all the way to the other.
Speaker:“I’m so, so terribly sorry
Speaker:I said that,” he whined,
Speaker:looking ready to break down again.
Speaker:“Oh, stop the pity party.
Speaker:Everyone got a taste of it that day, and you didn’t exactly leave unscathed either,”
Speaker:Elijah said, slapping a paw to Ian’s
Speaker:arm instinctively.
Speaker:“Though, I have to admit,”
Speaker:Elijah started with a chuckle.
Speaker:“I couldn’t laugh for a week straight after that.”
Speaker:Ian kept his muzzle down shamefully as he asked,
Speaker:“A week?” “Fuck dude, I didn’t think I’d ever laugh again,”
Speaker:Elijah snorted and shook his head.
Speaker:“T’was pretty dumb. At least it’s not as awful as your laugh.”
Speaker:“Mine?” Ian frowned and cocked his head to the side.
Speaker:“The hell’s wrong with mine?”
Speaker:“You serious? Your laugh sounds like you just got finished tying a woman to train tracks.” Before
Speaker:he finished, Elijah pinched his nose shut and threw his head back menicaly, “Nyahahahahaha!”
Speaker:Elijah’s own imitation was
Speaker:funny enough to make the raccoon laugh exactly as described.
Speaker:Ian covered up his muzzle in embarrassment,
Speaker:but hearing it made the cacomistle let loose a single
Speaker:genuine honking laugh of his own.
Speaker:The two stared blankly at one another for a second before erupting into a fit of laughter.
Speaker:Customers gave odd looks to the two filling their department with honks and nasaly snickers.
Speaker:When their throats and chest were too sore to continue, Elijah picked himself up and gave him a slap on the arm.
Speaker:“We good?” he asked, giving him a weak smile.
Speaker:Ian frowned at the slap but just shrugged it off,
Speaker:“Yeah, we’re good.” Elijah flicked his ears towards the side, and said,
Speaker:"Awesome, cause I took care of the last one."
Speaker:Ian cocked his head, confused, and asked,
Speaker:“Last wha—oh gosh. Ma’am!”
Speaker:Ian cried out as he raced towards an elderly rat ready to topple a 60 inch monitor
Speaker:right off the shelf.
Speaker:Bickering between the two filled the isle.
Speaker:The raccoon’s kindest explanations
Speaker:were dismissed by the stubborn rat struggling to fit the TV inside her cart.
Speaker:Elijah smiled as he watched,
Speaker:amused at the nerd's patience with the unruly customer.
Speaker:Work sucked, but having Ian by his side was already making the future brighter.
Speaker:And the handjob was fun too...
Speaker:too...for a free sample, that is.
Speaker:This was “Free Samples” by Dirt Coyote,
Speaker:read for you by Rob MacWolf,
Speaker:Werewolf Hitchhiker.
Speaker:You can find more stories on the web at thevoice.dog,
Speaker:or find the show wherever you get your podcasts.
Speaker:Thank you for listening
Speaker:to The Voice of Dog.