Shownotes
This week on The New Truth, Kate has an incredibly powerful conversation with her Soul Healer and Spiritual Teacher Chris Dierkes, for a conversation that every woman needs to hear.
If you’ve ever felt disconnected from your sexuality, confused by your desires, or like you’re carrying old stories, shame, or conditioning that isn’t yours - this episode is for you.
They explore what it actually means to untether from trauma and shut down, and actually feel safe in your body to explore and expand into your sensuality and sexuality as a woman.
You'll learn:
- Why sexuality is one of the most distorted and misunderstood areas for women
- What you need to feed internally, to feel safe externally
- How to identify what you're carrying that is not yours to carry
- The connection between sexual empowerment and sovereignty
- Why so many women feel numb, shut down, or confused sexually
This conversation isn’t about fixing yourself. It’s about coming home to the woman you’ve always been. She's waiting for you.
About the Guest:
Chris Dierkes is a soul interpreter and spiritual teacher. He combines the best of traditional teachings with a contemporary style. Chris works with individuals looking to align to the sovereign embodied nature of their being.
Program: https://goldenguidance.online/so/a6PgTKQNa?languageTag=e
Substack: https://cdierkes.substack.com/
Chris Dierkes Soul Interpreter http://chrisdierkes.com
About the Host:
Kate Harlow is the founder of The Unscriptd Woman, the creator of The Expanded Love Coaching Method, and host of The New Truth podcast - ranked in the top 1.5% globally. With over 15 years of experience teaching, coaching and facilitating transformational retreats worldwide, Kate has helped hundreds of thousands of women break free from outdated relational patterns, old patriarchal ways of thinking and unspoken rules to live by.
Her infallible methods guide women to release the deeply ingrained scripts that keep them stuck- empowering women to step into their highest, most magnetic, and fully expressed selves. Through her coaching, retreats, podcast and upcoming book The Unscriptd Woman, Kate is redefining what it means to be an empowered woman in today's world, showing women how to stop waiting for permission and start creating a life and love that aligns with their deepest truth.
Known for her rare ability to see exactly where women are out of alignment with themselves, Kate offers a path back to unwavering self- trust, meaningful joy and true fulfillment. Her work is a revolution - one that liberates women from societal expectations and invites them into a life of radical authenticity, thriving relationships and unshakable self-worth.
Website: https://www.theunscriptdwoman.com/
The Immersion in Corfu, Greece April 26- May 3, 2026 https://www.theunscriptdwoman.com/the-immersion
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Transcripts
We all basically have to unlearn and relearn to connect with our
Speaker:native energies in this regard. To some, some,
Speaker:like we said, like, the conditioning is so
Speaker:problematic on so many levels. Like everybody's gonna have to go
Speaker:through some decontamination. Like it's just part of it. It's not
Speaker:personal to anyone. It's not an attack on anybody. It's just like
Speaker:there's gonna be a period of just undoing and unlearning and
Speaker:unraveling. And that's whether you're in relationship. We're always
Speaker:in relationship to ourselves, whether part not so. So we just
Speaker:start with that. We start with trying to like just a lot of gentle
Speaker:disentangling, as we've been saying, and differentiating and
Speaker:some space to then have some consent and some
Speaker:permission for these other parts of us to have some room to speak and start
Speaker:to familiarize ourselves with what's really going on here. And not
Speaker:the conditioned responses, but also just to notice, gain awareness
Speaker:when the conditioned responses happen, because they are going to still happen.
Speaker:Hello, my loves. Before we dive into this week's incredibly important
Speaker:episode, I want to tell you all about the magical man that I have
Speaker:on to talk about sexual empowerment with women. You might be
Speaker:wondering why it's a man. Chris Turkeys is the
Speaker:most soulful, thoughtful, loving, kind,
Speaker:gentle man you've ever met and absolutely brilliant, so
Speaker:wise. And he was one of my most significant healers along the
Speaker:way and mentors and guides in the beginning of early
Speaker:on in my business, actually I worked with, with Chris and he really helped me
Speaker:awaken my sovereignty and drop into the sovereign woman that allowed me
Speaker:to have the capacity to carry this work in the world, to
Speaker:launch this podcast, to have my business, to support all the women that I
Speaker:support, but also to awaken my sensuality, my power,
Speaker:my sexuality. Because he taught me to really create that
Speaker:safety inside of myself and really, really taught me how to
Speaker:root into my sovereignty. And that is everything that you need in order to
Speaker:become a sexually empowered woman. So, and his, his work in world is
Speaker:now around polarity and couples and relationships and
Speaker:sexuality and really reawakening our
Speaker:desires. And so this is his genius, his is
Speaker:his zone of genius. And he's also been so
Speaker:profoundly significant on my journey. So I wanted to bring him in to have this
Speaker:incredibly important conversation. So spread the word, share
Speaker:it with all the women in your life who you know, need to hear this
Speaker:message, enjoy it and please let me know how it landed. Send me a
Speaker:message. Love to hear from you and. And enjoy.
Speaker:Hello. Hello, beautiful. Welcome to the
Speaker:New Truth podcast for this very spicy episode.
Speaker:I mean, I think it'll be like, a gentle start, but I'm
Speaker:so happy to be here with you. Hi, Chris.
Speaker:Oh, hello. Hi, everybody. Welcome back.
Speaker:He's back for the second time, but he actually hasn't been on the New Truth.
Speaker:He's only back for the second time because my Internet cut out last week
Speaker:when we tried to record, and we were, I don't know, maybe 10, 15
Speaker:minutes in, but it was so good. I was. I was quite devastated,
Speaker:but also, you know, trusting that we were meant to have another experience.
Speaker:So here we are. How to feel sexually empowered as a woman.
Speaker:And I love that I have a man on right now. First off, actually,
Speaker:we'll start there. It's. I haven't had a lot of men on the podcast.
Speaker:We. I'll say we. I think maybe a handful
Speaker:of men on the podcast over the years. And, Chris,
Speaker:you were. I was just saying to friends of mine today that
Speaker:you were my first male healer that I worked with.
Speaker:And how do we describe you? I'm like, Chris, my soul guy. I.
Speaker:The soul dude. My soul guy. My soul healer.
Speaker:You were so, so, so, so, so significant
Speaker:in my journey of. At the beginning of this work. I mean, I remember
Speaker:sitting in your office before the very first immersion and
Speaker:before inviting women to come to Italy with me, and I'd never
Speaker:done anything like that outside of, like, on my own.
Speaker:And I was beside myself, terrified, and I had
Speaker:so much stuff coming up, and you held me and you
Speaker:saw me and you reflected
Speaker:my gifts and my magic, and you have absolutely been so
Speaker:integral to the foundation of everything I teach in my work.
Speaker:So just want to start there. Thanks for being here.
Speaker:Thank you. That's so sweet.
Speaker:Yeah, I'm happy to share you with the world. And so why don't we
Speaker:start with the. The journey of the soul? Because
Speaker:sexually empowered, of course, as everything that we talk about on the New
Speaker:Truth really comes from what's happening inside.
Speaker:And so would love to hear if you can just share a little bit
Speaker:about, you know, what. What you do,
Speaker:how you do what you do, and just your perspectives
Speaker:on the journey of the soul.
Speaker:Yeah. Thank you. So maybe let's start
Speaker:with some terms. Is always good for sort of defining our terms.
Speaker:So I kind of. It's a map, you know, like any map.
Speaker:It's good if it's useful to go somewhere.
Speaker:It's not just to study maps all day and have
Speaker:conceptual maps. And that's Great. And then not take any journeys. But
Speaker:so the map is, you could say self,
Speaker:soul and spirit keep the S's together.
Speaker:And importantly, it's
Speaker:imagining them on a horizontal spectrum,
Speaker:on a horizontal line, not
Speaker:vertically. Which, as we'll see, is really important in a moment.
Speaker:Why that is because if they're vertically
Speaker:stacked, however much people may say otherwise,
Speaker:it's inevitably going to create the idea that one or another
Speaker:is better and superior and higher,
Speaker:literally, if it's vertically set up and therefore
Speaker:figuratively more important or better than some other part.
Speaker:And therefore the idea is you're supposed to move away from one
Speaker:and to another, whichever is defined as on
Speaker:top. And this idea is. Instead
Speaker:use the word integral. This is an integrative idea
Speaker:that if we put them on their side, we actually
Speaker:get a view of the wholeness of our being,
Speaker:which ends up being made up of our humanity,
Speaker:personality structure, nervous system, our
Speaker:soul, which I would define as our uniqueness,
Speaker:and then spirit, which is the part of us that's universal.
Speaker:And a lot of times I think people conflate
Speaker:soul and spirit, or they just maybe think they're the same thing, or they
Speaker:haven't really ever thought about it. Or the words get used kind of depending
Speaker:on who's using them interchangeably. But I think it's actually
Speaker:really, really helpful to differentiate and distinguish them.
Speaker:So an image for that could be that
Speaker:spirit is like the sun,
Speaker:and there's one light
Speaker:and there's one source.
Speaker:So spiritual language is typically the
Speaker:language of we're all children of God, or
Speaker:everyone has Buddha nature or something. We're all
Speaker:part of the universe. You know, whatever the language is is some
Speaker:version of language of universality.
Speaker:Which is important because at its best,
Speaker:spiritual teaching makes us all humble. We're all
Speaker:equal. There's nobody more or less
Speaker:Buddha nature than anybody else.
Speaker:And that's really important, and
Speaker:that's its beauty. But it also has a flip. It has a. Not a
Speaker:shadow side, but just a limitation, let's say,
Speaker:in that because it's so universal
Speaker:and we're all the same. There's a good side with that. But the flip side
Speaker:of which is we can sometimes lose a sense of what's our
Speaker:uniqueness. So if we have the image of the
Speaker:sun and then we add the part about there's rays
Speaker:coming from the sun, and we allow those rays
Speaker:to be all the same light and all from the same
Speaker:source, but they're unique and really singular
Speaker:as rays, then we're adding in the
Speaker:soul piece along with the spiritual. So we get
Speaker:to retain both the sense of our really deep
Speaker:uniqueness, which I think is profoundly important overall
Speaker:and certainly in the realm of intimacy and sexuality,
Speaker:as well as the fact that we're all one and
Speaker:universal together. And then also we're
Speaker:humans. And this human thing is.
Speaker:Yeah, this human thing is not just the meat suit
Speaker:or whatever to my really immaterial true self that's going
Speaker:to flip out of here once I'm dead or whatever, but
Speaker:that a human nervous system and human development
Speaker:and human emotions and needs, and
Speaker:particularly in this topic, in the realms of things
Speaker:like safety, the need for really slowed down experience
Speaker:and deep safety and trust that is equally
Speaker:important as to being seen in our spiritual side as well
Speaker:as being seen for our radical soulful
Speaker:uniqueness. Yeah. Wow. I think that
Speaker:that description is incredibly profound. The breakdown of those
Speaker:three things, three aspects of ourselves, I guess
Speaker:I'll call them. I've never
Speaker:looked at it like that before. In those three separate ways. I think I
Speaker:talk about soul and spirit quite interchangeably. I don't talk about them
Speaker:as the same thing, but I love how you break that down,
Speaker:is that the spirit is like the interconnectedness, the
Speaker:synchronicities, the magic, the flow that life is leading
Speaker:us. We are divine and we're all connected.
Speaker:And you know that we can connect with every
Speaker:being on earth and we all really are the same deep down. We
Speaker:have these beautiful hearts, love this
Speaker:interconnectedness. But the unique piece, I
Speaker:mean, and the human piece is so important too. But I think as you're describing
Speaker:them, I'm thinking like, gosh, some people only live in their human. And then
Speaker:they feel fucked. They feel like people that only live in their human
Speaker:feel fucked. They take drugs to numb their
Speaker:pain. They just feel horrible because they're so
Speaker:disconnected from the fact that they're supported by
Speaker:life, that there's so much more for us to experience here.
Speaker:That we are divine, that we are all connected. And they're also
Speaker:disconnected from the unique essence. And I think
Speaker:human, like so many humans I've worked with that are disconnected from
Speaker:the other two. I feel like on the journey I take women on, they really
Speaker:connect with both of those aspects, all three, but the human
Speaker:self without the other two. There's this always trying to
Speaker:find purpose, uniqueness, specialness, because
Speaker:they're trapped in the believing that they don't have it. And I think that's one
Speaker:of the gateways and gifts that I got from you so early
Speaker:on. God, that would have been nine years ago because it was the Beginning
Speaker:of my work. And I did my first immersion in.
Speaker:Well, I started my work in 2016,
Speaker:but my first immersion was 2017 and
Speaker:you were there with me the summer before. So
Speaker:nine years ago you told me my soul centers was such
Speaker:a big part. I remember you specifically. And you could talk
Speaker:about the soul Centers if you feel called to. I'm sure everyone's going to want
Speaker:to hear. They're also going to want to know what theirs are. But
Speaker:when you told me my soul centers, you explained, I think the first one was
Speaker:peace, harmony and balance. Second one was love,
Speaker:love and trust or something. And then the last two were
Speaker:communication and self expression or no, communication and
Speaker:creativity was one. And you
Speaker:explained, okay, Kate, the first two are all about other people. So
Speaker:your nature is going to be always geared towards. I'll
Speaker:never forget this, like God, you told me this nine years ago and it comes
Speaker:up in conversation regularly with my friends as I'm navigating growth in my business,
Speaker:my work. But you said to me, your
Speaker:soul is so other people focused naturally, you'll never stop
Speaker:being that way. So put all your attention and energy into
Speaker:self expression and creativity. You're back to. Because that will bring you
Speaker:into balance within yourself is focusing on just creating and
Speaker:expressing. And you said you need like a podcast or YouTube channel.
Speaker:And I remember at the time being like, what? I didn't
Speaker:know. I don't even think I'd ever heard the term podcast before.
Speaker:YouTube channel. I had, but I was like, really? And you're like, yep, you're a
Speaker:preacher, not a pastor. Don't go into the hospital with people. Don't be holding
Speaker:people's hands like, and being on their deathbed. You're on the soapbox preaching
Speaker:a message. And here we are on the New truth podcast five
Speaker:years later, you know, well, okay, you told me that nine years ago. It took
Speaker:me four years to start a podcast. It took me a bunch of other people
Speaker:also and encouraging it. But I was thinking how
Speaker:knowing that information and it's not like
Speaker:at the time, because of course then the human self wants to get a hold
Speaker:of these things and try and control them. But
Speaker:it's like those were seeds that needed to be planted for
Speaker:me to step in more and more and have more permission to really
Speaker:live from my soul. And they're all just
Speaker:so important. So I would love to hear you, I mean, definitely go deeper into
Speaker:the soul centers if you feel called to and just talking about the importance, importance
Speaker:of all of them and what you've seen.
Speaker:Yeah. So the that model, there's, there's a
Speaker:number of different sort of soul mappings. So once we first get a
Speaker:clarification of, okay,
Speaker:we've got this kind of self or humanity bucket
Speaker:category, what are the kind of practices
Speaker:and kind of modalities that tend to be out there that are at their best
Speaker:supporting that side. So things like
Speaker:nervous system work, things like
Speaker:internal family systems or something like that to help people get a
Speaker:healthy, you know, intuitive movement type stuff or
Speaker:somatic work to get a good healthy connection
Speaker:of body and mind going.
Speaker:And then you think, okay, spiritual, well,
Speaker:that's like meditation and prayer
Speaker:and spiritual awakening or
Speaker:enlightenment kind of teachings. Okay, so the
Speaker:soul is usually the kind of like middle child,
Speaker:the sort of forgotten sister or whatever sibling.
Speaker:And then people especially in, if I'm
Speaker:speaking sort of, you know, I'm speaking from the North American context, but the west
Speaker:generally, you know, a lot of the spiritual stuff
Speaker:came in from the 60s and there was a big spiritual revival.
Speaker:And then there's been a lot of therapy and
Speaker:somatic work and personal development type things more self oriented,
Speaker:which are important. But the soul has often been this kind of
Speaker:forgotten third character. And so when we say
Speaker:that, then we say, okay, well, what are the kind of traditionally, what are the
Speaker:kinds of practices and teachings that exist for coming
Speaker:to discover, understand our soul and express and
Speaker:embody? And one of which, one of the classic forms
Speaker:is a soul reading. And then there's different
Speaker:styles. So the centers as you were talking
Speaker:about is kind of basically sort of a chakra version, more or less using
Speaker:them as kind of where they tend to get more
Speaker:energy or less and develop a strategy for an individual. There's
Speaker:human design, there's gene keys, I work with those two. You can
Speaker:astrology, I mean, there's a lot of different ways of
Speaker:doing it. And some seem to gel for some people and
Speaker:not as much for others, and then they gel with another kind. And that's fine,
Speaker:just go with what works for you. And
Speaker:those are really maps just
Speaker:to get in the door, really, to get a journey going. We don't
Speaker:have to be like fundamentalists about our soul maps. I mean,
Speaker:ultimately the uniqueness and the radical
Speaker:total singularity of a soul could never be encompassed by
Speaker:any single map. But you know, like any
Speaker:good journey, it's helpful to have a good map or maybe even a
Speaker:couple maps. Especially if your human self doesn't believe that you have
Speaker:gifts and uniqueness then. And then you get,
Speaker:you know, you have these even if you still don't Believe it. At the time
Speaker:you're having a reading of some sort, it's planting seeds for you to be
Speaker:open to it. Later, when the time is that you're. The time comes that you're
Speaker:ready to explore that gift and that life leads you there. Yeah,
Speaker:yeah. Because otherwise it's quite vague. What do I. Okay, I find my
Speaker:purpose. What is it? Under a rock? What is it? People are always saying? They're,
Speaker:like, using all these metaphors, I notice, of discovering their
Speaker:purpose or finding it or locating it. Like, what's it hiding in a tree?
Speaker:Like, wherever. Where is it? It's not out there.
Speaker:So it's not buried pirate treasure.
Speaker:So instead
Speaker:we're just trying to come home. Because at the
Speaker:end of the day, especially with Soul Domain,
Speaker:we are trying to come within. And then what
Speaker:creates the safety to do that and
Speaker:to know ourselves and
Speaker:appreciate on all of these
Speaker:levels is to start to become intimate
Speaker:to ourselves, first of all. And then,
Speaker:as you were saying earlier, if people are wanting intimacy with
Speaker:another, but they're not even intimate to their own being
Speaker:yet, then it's a real crapshoot, to put it
Speaker:mildly. Like, it's a total. You know, you're just
Speaker:blindfolded and throwing darts at a board. Sure,
Speaker:you might hit the bullseye, but the likelihood is not.
Speaker:Not super high, really. And
Speaker:the truth is, otherwise, things just tend to play out karmically
Speaker:based on, as you were saying, people's wounding. And whether it's their own
Speaker:individual wounding or they play let's play the. You
Speaker:know, two people play the game of, like, let's. Let's trigger each
Speaker:other's stuff and then play what I
Speaker:call let's play that game. And
Speaker:then I call that game trauma hot potato. No, you take it. No, you
Speaker:take it. No, I don't take it. And then it's just back. So
Speaker:it's. I'm laughing. But obviously in real people's lives, it
Speaker:can be pretty brutal. Yeah, it's pretty brutal. But I also like the
Speaker:laughter because it just shows that you can get to a place because
Speaker:we've both been there. I'm sure you have. I have. And
Speaker:it's nice to know. No, I imagine for women who
Speaker:are still in that place of playing the trauma hot potato,
Speaker:it's nice to know that you can get to a place where that's not your
Speaker:reality anymore. And it doesn't mean you don't have stuff come
Speaker:up, but when you have all of those parts online. God, I love
Speaker:the clarity of this. I'm going to use this. This is so clear. It's
Speaker:amazing to have the clarity of
Speaker:those three aspects of self. And as long as you are attending to each one
Speaker:of them and you're connected and plugged into each one of them, you can
Speaker:navigate whatever arises in relationship. Would you agree?
Speaker:Yeah. You get to be first in terms of a relationship with
Speaker:oneself. You get to be at peace with
Speaker:yourself. And again, this is why I was saying
Speaker:it's really important to imagine it and visualize and
Speaker:experience it along a horizontal continuum.
Speaker:Because as you were saying, then we're attending to all of them because
Speaker:each of the three are a piece of the. Of an integrated
Speaker:puzzle. There's not a better and a worse. There's just
Speaker:the gifts and the strengths as well as the limitations of
Speaker:each one. And we're not asking. We're not asking our
Speaker:humanity to do the work of our soul. We're not asking our
Speaker:spiritual side to do the work of our soul. We're not asking our soul to
Speaker:do the spiritual work. Like, each of them has their
Speaker:area of focus, each of them has their area of strength.
Speaker:And then it becomes a building up of the
Speaker:strengths, allowing each to be in its own of genius and do
Speaker:what it's meant to do and be liberated and trust that the other ones will
Speaker:handle the other stuff. Like, you know, if we go into the spiritual
Speaker:side, then it's, you know, and then you get asked a question about, okay, like,
Speaker:well, what should you do in life? And the spiritual side's like, just be,
Speaker:bro, everything's good. What
Speaker:are you. What are you worried about? Which is totally the experience from the
Speaker:spiritual side. And isn't that beautiful and lovely
Speaker:to be able to access that. That can be cultivated consciously.
Speaker:And it's wonderful to have that sense of, like, in the big, big,
Speaker:big picture, everything is, well, everything
Speaker:is totally okay. But also we're
Speaker:also in smaller pictures where things are maybe need some help or
Speaker:support and aren't really necessarily working out the best way and
Speaker:just both can be true at the same time. So we're not asking the part
Speaker:that's like, you know, I always like people
Speaker:tease or, you know, whether it comes to the big topics, birth
Speaker:and sex and death and, you know, all the rest. And you go to the
Speaker:spiritual side, it's like, I'm just here. I'm just
Speaker:at peace and just resting. So I'm good, you know, which
Speaker:is great. But that doesn't really help you for. But I also. But your, Your
Speaker:uniqueness and the sense of purpose and
Speaker:what do you do. With it money and surviving. And also what do
Speaker:I do about my family? And what do I do about my. Yeah, so then
Speaker:the other parts need to come in too. And then you get
Speaker:more of this sense of. Over time, you get like a sort of concert
Speaker:kind of feeling or a symphonic feeling, which is
Speaker:these parts of us really appreciate the permission and
Speaker:the consent and the green light to just be allowed to be who
Speaker:they are and not have to be something else that they're not.
Speaker:And this work for me grew out of my experience that I was
Speaker:putting all my eggs in the basket of the spiritual.
Speaker:Tell the story if you're open. Well, yeah.
Speaker:Whilst I was this heavy duty, like in my 20s, late teens,
Speaker:20s, I became a heavy duty spiritual seeker.
Speaker:And the kind of cosmic joke of it, which at the time,
Speaker:like, I didn't think was funny, it took me some years to get. Because this
Speaker:is a good joke, but it's a bit of a rough one. I
Speaker:wasn't laughing at first, but eventually. But
Speaker:I was asking my spiritual part to fill in my
Speaker:humanity. And I didn't know about this map. So I put
Speaker:everything in one category and I had all the spiritual experiences, or at least a
Speaker:good number of them. And then it turned out I still didn't know how to
Speaker:be human and I still didn't really know about what it was to be me
Speaker:while also being connected to everything. And.
Speaker:And the spiritual side was like, buddy, you're asking the wrong
Speaker:guy here. I don't have the answers for you on this. I want
Speaker:to meditate on a mountain. And just be bliss
Speaker:and just. Just radiate love and peace all day.
Speaker:Why are you asking me about you? Stoned all the time. Just like
Speaker:psychedelics, like we're all one. Can't you see
Speaker:the interconnectedness of the planet? Yeah. Which is
Speaker:true. And that is completely from the perspective
Speaker:of that part of us. And then it turned out, and I was meditating one
Speaker:day, classically I was still trying to do the. Trying to work with my strength
Speaker:area and then ignore the parts that actually needed the sport. And
Speaker:I was sitting. I'll never forget this. And
Speaker:this voice. I heard this voice. I usually don't. I feel a lot
Speaker:of things, but I usually don't get like, hearing things. But
Speaker:it was very audible and it was very clear and it
Speaker:was just like, hello, can I have your attention, please?
Speaker:And I, honest to God, my eyes were closed. I
Speaker:honestly thought I was so disconnected from this part of myself.
Speaker:I honestly thought somebody had walked in the room and was Talking
Speaker:to me. So I opened my eyes and looked around because I
Speaker:had a jolt. Like, who just walked in? And
Speaker:there's nobody there. Okay, wait. Was someone playing Slim
Speaker:Shady, though? Can I have your attention, please?
Speaker:Well, the real Slim Shady was, like, knocking.
Speaker:I was, like, knocking. I thought somebody was. Someone was figuratively
Speaker:knocking on the door. I thought someone was. Literally walked in.
Speaker:And. And then I took a moment, and then.
Speaker:So then I finally did the move of, like, okay, well, who are
Speaker:you? Somewhat. With a lot of trepidation.
Speaker:And then the response was, I'm your soul.
Speaker:And could I. Could I have the
Speaker:floor? Could I offer you some insight on this particular
Speaker:situation you're going through? And, like, I'm saying, I was so.
Speaker:At that time, I was so disconnected that I didn't
Speaker:even write. I literally thought it was someone else or something
Speaker:else. And it turned out it was the soul of
Speaker:me. And so that is kind of where this work started or the
Speaker:journey of. Who was this character? What was this
Speaker:character that I was so disconnected from?
Speaker:And that led to a long journey. And along that journey,
Speaker:also then I had put so much
Speaker:emphasis. The joke was that if I was, like, driving
Speaker:around in my car back then, the sign on the back would have said,
Speaker:enlightenment or bust. And then the joke
Speaker:was, it shouldn't have been or it should have been. And,
Speaker:like, I got the spiritual thing. And then everything in my
Speaker:life kind of busted apart and fell apart as a
Speaker:consequence of that, because then I
Speaker:had to learn things that at the time, seemed elementary. But I
Speaker:found, as it turns out, culturally, they're not. They're foundational,
Speaker:but they're not simplistic. Like, my emotions actually are trying
Speaker:to tell me something. And they're valid. They're not just these weird
Speaker:feelings in my body. And I either like them or don't like them. And I
Speaker:like what. These emotions are signals. They have
Speaker:intelligence. They have communication. Oh, you mean
Speaker:my nervous system is an actual thing that I have to listen
Speaker:to, and it sends me signals, and I can learn to
Speaker:interpret those signals, and I can do it consciously or not consciously.
Speaker:And if I don't listen to those signals, then the
Speaker:signals tend to get louder and less pleasant.
Speaker:Who knew? That's the. You know, I thought this was some,
Speaker:you know, esoteric secret in the universe. Turns out
Speaker:it's not, but it. It.
Speaker:And that's. So that led to a whole number of years of
Speaker:having to learn about, okay, I might have all these spiritual experiences. But the thing
Speaker:was, is I couldn't handle it. My humanity
Speaker:and My soul as kind of the energy
Speaker:vessel or vehicle couldn't. My
Speaker:circuits would get fried. They get overloaded. So
Speaker:I had to build up emotionally,
Speaker:nervous system wise, energy wise enough
Speaker:container to be able to say, okay,
Speaker:here's this really long spectrum from the
Speaker:most egoic, shadowy, this
Speaker:good old human personality level to
Speaker:these subtle stories that we all
Speaker:come tracking in life, to the most like,
Speaker:transcendental, transpersonal, universal
Speaker:aspects. And just to draw a really, really big
Speaker:circle around the whole thing and say,
Speaker:I'm all of these. This is me.
Speaker:Yeah. Wow, that's amazing. So then. So the.
Speaker:The. The voice of Eminem. Yeah. I have your
Speaker:attention, please? Well, the real Slim Shady. So that
Speaker:led to your soul unlocking, which led to your
Speaker:exploration of the human. Is that kind of how it went? Like, you went on
Speaker:a journey of starting to get, like, what? Can you tell us a little bit
Speaker:about the tangible things that you did? Yeah, and
Speaker:also, like, the work basically became
Speaker:like, do not do as I did. Don't. Don't do what
Speaker:I do. It's like, go in the opposite order. I went in the
Speaker:wrong direction. I recommend the
Speaker:other way, but that makes sense. Like nervous
Speaker:system, body stuff, and then soul and then spirit. Yeah,
Speaker:yeah. I mean, of course it can all be. But as a general
Speaker:thing, yes, like, to me, it's really helpful.
Speaker:It was basically, I had to learn about spiritual bypassing. And then to my
Speaker:chagrin and, you know, some humble pie, it was like I was a
Speaker:textbook case, you know, it was just like reading the book and
Speaker:it's like, ouch. Yeah, ouch. Check. Did that one.
Speaker:Check. So it was
Speaker:a humbling. It was good humility. It was a little bit of difficult
Speaker:medicine to take at the time, but it was good medicine.
Speaker:So, yeah, I generally say it's really important to start with things like
Speaker:the nervous system type, work
Speaker:and emotional kinds of things. Learning the language.
Speaker:Learning the language of our emotions. What's the purpose of anger,
Speaker:for example? Oh, it's to have clear
Speaker:boundaries and to tell us what our values are.
Speaker:Yeah. What's the purpose? What's the message of sadness
Speaker:or grief when we've experienced loss
Speaker:and we need to mourn, and then we can still have joy even though
Speaker:we've lost, as we all will.
Speaker:Those to me, are really foundational
Speaker:pieces because, you know, culturally, depending on
Speaker:kind of gender stuff, various,
Speaker:you know, at least in the culture I'm raised in, girls and women
Speaker:are taught to be very emotive. At least certain emotions
Speaker:are not a lot supposed to be angry. For example, Then you get called
Speaker:really bad names if you're a woman.
Speaker:But generally speaking, supposed to be
Speaker:theoretically emotionally fluent or at least be
Speaker:emotionally fluent to other people's emotions.
Speaker:But it turns out to actually have a conscious relationship to one's own
Speaker:emotions is not necessarily culturally
Speaker:developed. So actually to turn within and not
Speaker:be caretaking and not be pleasing and not be
Speaker:rescuing or overly empathic like you were talking about and to be able
Speaker:to learn, oh maybe there's grief inside. Oh maybe I'm actually really,
Speaker:there's a lot of resentment there. Oh, there's a lot of
Speaker:maybe I. Don'T want to do this thing. And that's why
Speaker:towards doing it, you know, whatever the thing might be. For example.
Speaker:Yeah, yeah.
Speaker:So rather than these emotions being considered positive or
Speaker:negative, they
Speaker:become, do we have a conscious or unconscious relationship to
Speaker:them and do they have enough containment?
Speaker:Do they have a healthy container so that they can
Speaker:go if they've been say, suppressed. People are you know,
Speaker:worried that it's going to be like a volcanic, you know, say if
Speaker:it's anger, oh my God, if I acknowledge I'm sitting in this
Speaker:powder keg or this volcano of rage, it's just gonna like they're gonna blow
Speaker:their top. And
Speaker:so then they maybe push it back down some more, which is only just going
Speaker:to increase the likelihood that one day they might blow their top
Speaker:or it might implode, which would show up maybe as like a
Speaker:depression period or a lot of self hate
Speaker:or self critical kind of judgment that can be harsh.
Speaker:And so we do a lot of work to just create enough of a container
Speaker:so that the energy underlying the emotion can move
Speaker:safely. More like in your volcano
Speaker:example, instead of just blowing the top off the volcano,
Speaker:those like nice Hawaiian volcanoes where it's kind of like
Speaker:constantly a little bit of lava is just like always coming out and
Speaker:everything's super verdant and the soil is super nitrogen
Speaker:rich and there's greenery everywhere because it's just like
Speaker:just a healthy regulated amount
Speaker:creates this kind of third option between
Speaker:suppression or unconscious expression. And
Speaker:that same valence. By the way, whether it's
Speaker:about anger also applies to say like desire,
Speaker:libido, sexual energy to have enough
Speaker:safety to not suppress or not just
Speaker:have it unconsciously come out and play in
Speaker:terms of again, whether it's caretaking or
Speaker:trying to please a partner and then internally feel
Speaker:depleted or a lot of rage or feels like a sort of
Speaker:desert, intimacy wise, it's the same
Speaker:process. Whether it's grief, whether it's
Speaker:anger, Whether it's fear or whether it's desire.
Speaker:You know, I'm seeing. This is so beautiful. I'm
Speaker:seeing this like learning how to create
Speaker:the healthy container of your emotions.
Speaker:So that because women have been
Speaker:so programmed to believe that their safety is in a man and in a
Speaker:relationship. And I can't even. Like I had a dollar for all the women
Speaker:I worked with over the years and met over the years who, you know, are
Speaker:married and have sex or a divorce, but had sex with their
Speaker:husband just because that's what you do. Because you're supposed to keep it going.
Speaker:And they're literally like, there's nothing safe about. Like your safety isn't out
Speaker:there. And I'm just feeling the. The power and
Speaker:the beauty and the empowerment of
Speaker:everything you're saying and having this incredibly
Speaker:healthy relationship to all of your feelings so that
Speaker:you can create that safe container internally. And
Speaker:then, I mean, and take us here. But I imagine you
Speaker:would experience a very different. Well, I certainly have experienced
Speaker:it myself, but I imagine then women can experience a very
Speaker:different sexual relationship with
Speaker:men and even who we choose because we have that
Speaker:healthy relationship with those feelings. Yeah,
Speaker:thank you for saying that.
Speaker:The point around the containing and the containment is really important.
Speaker:Containment is like healthy riverbanks.
Speaker:You know, it's not a dam or a swamp
Speaker:that has no movement and everything gets stagnant. And then there's, you know,
Speaker:mosquitoes everywhere or whatever and it gets stinky.
Speaker:But it's also not a chaotic flooding type experience.
Speaker:And so a lot of people, again, whether it's about their
Speaker:sexual energies, whether it's their sensual,
Speaker:you know, erotic type dynamics, just sensuality of
Speaker:life again, whether it's these kind of emotional experiences, whether it's
Speaker:nervous system stuff, you tend to get this
Speaker:yo yo ping pong game where it's either
Speaker:suppressed or then it unconsciously expresses. So
Speaker:the person has been suppressing certain desires, then they leak out
Speaker:in some way and maybe they had a couple glasses of wine or something and
Speaker:then they feel, you know, hangover and shame,
Speaker:hangover the next day or whatever the case may be. Or
Speaker:they push their anger away and then all of a sudden it comes out either
Speaker:passive aggressive or it comes out hostile. And then they feel terrible
Speaker:about it and then they push it back down. It's oh my God, see, anger
Speaker:is bad. And whatever the case may be.
Speaker:And instead there's this option, this third way here.
Speaker:And
Speaker:to be able to develop the container within oneself
Speaker:so that we can be with our humanity,
Speaker:we can be with our Soul we can be with our spirit.
Speaker:And then even they start to, you know, dance with each
Speaker:other. They start to weave. At first,
Speaker:they're usually all mushed together. And at
Speaker:first it's actually really helpful to differentiate them and create some
Speaker:healthy space. So one of the practices
Speaker:we do in the work is actually, like, have people, like, create, like, put like,
Speaker:three pillows on the ground in a line. And like,
Speaker:this is the self, this is the soul, this is the spirit one. And then
Speaker:they can just, like, walk into them, and it becomes like kind of a.
Speaker:Like, almost like a constellation. Like, they actually get to walk
Speaker:into the space of, like, how's myself doing? Oh, this isn't on my mind.
Speaker:Or, oh, this emotion's coming up. Or, you know, whatever. But then you walk into
Speaker:the soul space and then it
Speaker:changes because they actually are at different frequencies. They're
Speaker:in different worlds were made up of a combination
Speaker:of them. And then you, like, walk into the spirit circle and
Speaker:it's a totally different experience altogether again. And like, oh,
Speaker:wow, this is different. And so we can do that
Speaker:sort of in a general sense, but we can also do it, like, with a
Speaker:specific topic. In this case, maybe
Speaker:what's the self's relationship in history around its sexuality? What's
Speaker:the soul's experience? What's the spiritual
Speaker:experience? And then again, we're like. We're all of
Speaker:them. It's good just having the self experience. But they're
Speaker:not connected to their soul or their spirit again, because I think that's just
Speaker:like. Without the soul and the spirit, the self is just dysregulated in a
Speaker:trauma state. It's often living in a survival.
Speaker:A survival. Survival programming. I can't
Speaker:see any other way. If you don't. If you are not connected in any way
Speaker:to your spiritual self or your soul, I cannot see any
Speaker:other option than being in your patterns and in survival in the
Speaker:self. And I think of so many women
Speaker:and men, but of course, we're mostly talking to women here.
Speaker:Are having sexual experiences from the self without the other
Speaker:parts. And how deep down are craving the
Speaker:spiritual experiences, are craving the soulful experiences.
Speaker:And are having these experiences that just keep
Speaker:reinforcing trauma or their wounding or their beliefs
Speaker:about themselves or about men or about. Yeah.
Speaker:Holy. This is so important. Yeah. And
Speaker:that's where the. That's where it gets really
Speaker:tender. Yeah. Because
Speaker:there can be a lot of hurt there. Yeah.
Speaker:And the
Speaker:soul and the spiritual parts of us have different
Speaker:sets of desires. And again, it's not the
Speaker:one set are inherently the true or real ones, and
Speaker:the other ones are false or superficial or fake.
Speaker:Again, in this approach, the idea is like, listen to all of them.
Speaker:Everybody gets to put their input in. And
Speaker:then sovereignty, which is the. The fourth s. The kind of
Speaker:the big circle that circles the other three circles,
Speaker:then has to kind of figure out, okay, I got these human
Speaker:desires, I got these soulful desires, I got these spiritual desires. There's a lot
Speaker:of desires, and some of them we're going to be able to meet, some maybe
Speaker:not, and some partly.
Speaker:But all of them will appreciate being heard,
Speaker:being fundamentally allowed. Just
Speaker:like any part of us, it just really wants to be loved,
Speaker:understood, allowed to speak, not
Speaker:shut down, not silenced, not told it's stupid, not
Speaker:ignored, not made to be the final answer
Speaker:and have to have. Oh, oh. If I just touch in this one part of
Speaker:me, it'll have all the answers, and I won't have to be in charge of
Speaker:my life anymore. I say, no, that's not going to work either. But,
Speaker:I mean, I often say, for me, it's like the experience of.
Speaker:I love the Muppets growing up and the band, the Muppets
Speaker:band, where they had the big, crazy psychedelic bus that they would tour
Speaker:bus in. And this is like, there's a lot of colorful
Speaker:characters on the bus. Was Jim Henson that did the
Speaker:Muppets? Was he a psychedelic user?
Speaker:I don't know. It might have been. I could see. Yeah.
Speaker:But I mean, the joke for me is always like, I already
Speaker:start at 10, so I don't take it. My life has
Speaker:been like, trying to, like, turn the volume down so I can have containment,
Speaker:so I can be here. Because I pick up too much. I was like, People
Speaker:always ask me, like, have you done this or that thing? I was like, I
Speaker:wouldn't come back if I did that. I don't think I'd make it back.
Speaker:So. But just the, like. I love the, like, tour bus
Speaker:idea with, like, all the character, all the Muppets on the bus. Like, I'm
Speaker:not necessarily. I'm not giving. Giving animal the keys to the car, like,
Speaker:under the bus. Like, that's. He's not going to drive. But you can
Speaker:have some colorful characters who can be on your tour
Speaker:bus. It can be lots of fun that way. And
Speaker:the sovereign part to me is the one that's like, okay, well,
Speaker:somebody's got to drive this thing. But the other people can play their
Speaker:music and tour along, and it makes it for a more colorful experience,
Speaker:to be sure, in terms of
Speaker:the intimacy piece to
Speaker:know oneself and to have the container of one's own being
Speaker:so that we can actually suss out what are
Speaker:our genuine desires and what are the ones that have been implanted,
Speaker:the supposed tos and the shoulds, or
Speaker:alternatively, the ones that we actually really feel but we were told are bad
Speaker:and wrong. And. And then they've gone into the shadow.
Speaker:And then maybe they've taken on sort of shadowy characteristics and we
Speaker:confuse them for what they really are. Like, well, that one's.
Speaker:Oh, that's not okay. And again,
Speaker:connecting to these parts of ourselves doesn't mean giving them the keys to the
Speaker:car. It doesn't mean containment, doesn't mean automatically,
Speaker:oh, I connected this dire, so I have to go out and act on it.
Speaker:Like, no, but that's not necessarily wise.
Speaker:Depending on the nature of the thing. But also, it doesn't need to be made
Speaker:wrong or bad. It can just be like, oh, that's interesting. Look at
Speaker:that feeling in my being. Well, that's. I wouldn't have thought
Speaker:that might be interesting to me or potentially fascinating. What
Speaker:a fascinating experience.
Speaker:And still have discernment. But from a place where we
Speaker:over time are really learning to trust ourselves and to
Speaker:trust our own knowing. And then in terms
Speaker:of a potential for a relationship with another,
Speaker:if we have developed that kind of
Speaker:right container in relationship to ourselves,
Speaker:so we have intimacy with our humanity in a
Speaker:healthy way and our soulfulness in our spiritual nature,
Speaker:then we know. Not because it says so in some
Speaker:book, not because we're following some template
Speaker:from the outside, but we know in our
Speaker:bones what it is to treat ourselves right.
Speaker:And then we know from another, do they have the goods or
Speaker:not? Do they see us
Speaker:in our spiritual nature? Do they see our soul? Do they see our humanity?
Speaker:Do they slow down? Do they actually care about us
Speaker:more than just their own
Speaker:unconscious desires playing out? Does it actually become a
Speaker:space where we get to be free and love each other?
Speaker:Because you can feel it so much deeper when you care for yourself in that
Speaker:way. I almost would argue,
Speaker:can you even experience those things or know that
Speaker:you're experiencing those things? If you don't care for yourself in
Speaker:the way everything you just described, it
Speaker:won't stick. There might be a my experience. There might be a
Speaker:glimpse or two, but then it can easily be latched on as like, oh, I
Speaker:need this person again. It can become like a. And that can become sort of
Speaker:a codependent trajectory is like, this person
Speaker:is the one that makes me happy. This person is the one who gets me
Speaker:and of course, we all want to be understood. We all want someone to love
Speaker:us and get us and look at us with devotion. Of course we all
Speaker:want that. It's such a beautiful thing. And
Speaker:we need to know first that
Speaker:we are devoted to ourselves. And
Speaker:then we can share that and slowly learn that
Speaker:there's a lot of layers of intimacy when we
Speaker:create this map. Among its many. You know, there's a
Speaker:lot of positives with it, but one of them is there's so many zones
Speaker:of intimacy and people's senses.
Speaker:Okay, it's like, whatever in the movies, like two kisses and now up
Speaker:against the wall and the clothes are being ripped off or whatever. It's like, that
Speaker:is so there. You've just skipped 35 zones of
Speaker:intimacy. You just have just barreled right through
Speaker:each one of which we could slow down
Speaker:and learn to, like, be together. And again, in this kind
Speaker:of. This is a very. Kind of tantric idea, but like the
Speaker:alchemical, whatever you want to call it. Sit. Can you be with the
Speaker:valence? Does it go too quickly to, like,
Speaker:oh, getting, getting, getting. Okay,
Speaker:time to go to the next thing. And then that's already a form
Speaker:of dissociation. They've gotten too ramped up and they're too quickly,
Speaker:whatever it is, to. I can't handle
Speaker:that. That's too much. And just like, learn to grow
Speaker:our tolerance and our threshold
Speaker:to be close with each other. Because,
Speaker:honestly, we all want it, but we're also scared of it.
Speaker:It's okay to feel both at the same time. Yeah.
Speaker:And to remember that when you can just breathe through the fear and just
Speaker:experience it, you keep deepening and creating more
Speaker:capacity. And I'm just thinking, like, God, as you're talking, I'm thinking,
Speaker:how many women humans. But I'm going to speak
Speaker:to women think they know what they
Speaker:want. And everyone's saying the same
Speaker:fucking thing. Right? That's like, the unscripted woman is like, seriously,
Speaker:burn the script and, like, let life show you and let yourself
Speaker:notice the sparks and the weird desires
Speaker:you're talking about and the moments and the feelings and the people that are meant
Speaker:to cry your path. And all the divinity, the divine orchestrations of what
Speaker:we're here to grow into in our soul lighting up and all.
Speaker:All of these elements. Because I just think of how many women
Speaker:are just like, I just want to find my husband. I'm like, what, you're 25?
Speaker:Like, how do you even know you want that? If you haven't met someone, you
Speaker:have a compatible relationship. I just want to be with one person
Speaker:forever. Why? Like how? Like, honestly, like,
Speaker:why do you want to make a decision for your 67 year old self when
Speaker:you're 23? Like, how can that. And no,
Speaker:it's my desire. And they're so certain, you know,
Speaker:and you know, it's not our faults, but even what you're describing. And then of
Speaker:course, being a mom, like, how many women are like, I just want to be
Speaker:a mom. And it's like. And do you really like? Because some do.
Speaker:Some. I have a client who when we met, she was dating like a serial
Speaker:dater. And actually I had her on the podcast a couple years ago and
Speaker:we uncovered her truth and it was she wanted a child. No
Speaker:matter what, she wanted to be a mom. So she became
Speaker:a mom by choice on her own. And she said it was the best decision
Speaker:of her life because she got clear on her real desire and her real
Speaker:truth. And so as I think about this, because even sexual
Speaker:desires, like you're talking about how much
Speaker:of what we think we want just comes from movies.
Speaker:That's how we learned what life is, is literally from what we witness our
Speaker:families have and from the movies and TV shows we watched and are still
Speaker:watching and the love songs we're listening to. And
Speaker:so that's the program self. So what would you say
Speaker:for all of the women who are ready to
Speaker:get to know their truth, their true desires, they're all these parts
Speaker:of themselves. How, how do they start
Speaker:distinguishing the difference? Yeah,
Speaker:it's a big topic.
Speaker:I'm glad you named the songs. I was thinking my.
Speaker:I. I'm a dad to two daughters and
Speaker:one of whom is
Speaker:tween pretty teeny. And so I play a game with her in
Speaker:the car because she likes to listen to all the pop music. And I play
Speaker:a game called Is this. Yeah, she's been all.
Speaker:She's got all the. She's got all the things. Yeah.
Speaker:I play a game with her called Is this song codependent?
Speaker:So we listen to the lyrics. Oh my God, I need to play that with
Speaker:my clients. I just tell them to sing it to themselves instead of think of
Speaker:a guy. But that's amazing. And the
Speaker:answer is, the answer is almost always yes. It is yes,
Speaker:pretty much without exception. So,
Speaker:yeah, it's a huge, it's a huge cultural thing
Speaker:of whether it's, you know, romantic mythology
Speaker:or codependency or
Speaker:someone is there is the other half or is going to complete them or whatever.
Speaker:You just. It's everywhere in all kinds of ways.
Speaker:And so this process, for example, with the three circles, just
Speaker:as a beginning way, is like you can actually step out of
Speaker:the programmed conditioning circle,
Speaker:and you may not even known you were in that circle until you
Speaker:step out of it. And then can witnesses from a little bit
Speaker:of some space, from some observation, and go, oh,
Speaker:yeah, you know that scene in. I always love that scene in
Speaker:Monty Python, the Life of Brian, where they all think he's the messiah. And then
Speaker:he tries to give them the talk about they can be themselves and they
Speaker:can be their own individuals and they don't need a guru. And he's like, you
Speaker:can think for yourselves. And then they all say, back together. Yes, we can.
Speaker:We are all individuals, as they all say. It's like, perfect.
Speaker:It's like that. Yeah, yeah, it's exactly right where people are. So
Speaker:it's a cultural narrative that has now been embedded into
Speaker:their eye. And they think, this is what I want, this is
Speaker:who I am. And it can be. And this is where
Speaker:support is really important. Not just, you
Speaker:know, we all have our individual work to do, but it can be really important
Speaker:to have support because that's a jarring experience.
Speaker:It can be a bit jarring to step out of,
Speaker:oh, my God, what if. Whatever
Speaker:percentage, 50, 60, 70, 80,
Speaker:90, 95, 99, depending on who knows, on the persons.
Speaker:Like, what if that was actual cultural programming?
Speaker:And then there can be a real moment of
Speaker:disequilibrium, some temporary upset. And this is where it's
Speaker:important to have a support system. At that point, it's like. Like, I don't know
Speaker:what I want. And it can be scary
Speaker:to go there. I think, with so much in training,
Speaker:especially I see it with women. It can happen with men, too. But
Speaker:asking them what they want, they just kind of blip out often,
Speaker:particularly in the sexual realm just in general. But even
Speaker:here especially, it's just like, whoa. So there's a whole
Speaker:bunch of previous steps of just like,
Speaker:getting used to the soul of your being, getting
Speaker:connected to the spiritual nature, and
Speaker:then over time, starting to experience what do these
Speaker:parts of a person want and desire and long for?
Speaker:Because it might be. It might turn out, it looks like you're saying in the
Speaker:example of that woman, it might look like it's exactly the same from the outside
Speaker:looking in of what the cultural story is,
Speaker:but it's a totally different experience because she's coming at it from an entirely
Speaker:different place totally. Or it might be. Or it might be
Speaker:wildly different than what the cultural narrative is. And Then or somewhere
Speaker:in between. I as you're talking about the pain of it, I just had
Speaker:a flashback memory of when I broke up. I'm like
Speaker:trying to think if this was maybe before I met you. When I
Speaker:broke up with Charlie, my five year boyfriend and it was at 30 and everyone
Speaker:else had got married that I was friends with, with their partners. We talked about
Speaker:how we were getting married. I would talk about our Mexico wedding and our kids
Speaker:names and all that stuff. Even though inside it felt like wrong, but
Speaker:made no sense to me because I was like a fantasy love addict. He was
Speaker:a great guy. Like it was, it made no sense. But
Speaker:something stronger took over. I met, I met an activator,
Speaker:a man who I was like, it's that guy. But he was just representing
Speaker:my future self. Like he was conscious, he was a teacher, he was
Speaker:powerful and heart based and just this. And so
Speaker:I had this heart crush on this man. And that
Speaker:activated the stirring and the questioning. And then finally I left and I rem
Speaker:not for the man, but that he was definitely an activator for me
Speaker:to let go of the relationship that the container that
Speaker:was no longer fitting for who I was becoming now it
Speaker:makes so much sense now in retrospect, but I remember my first. I
Speaker:was living on my own for the first time in my life at 30, have
Speaker:my own apartment. I remember waking up in the middle of the night every night
Speaker:in agony that my mind and
Speaker:in my language I call my saboteur was screaming at
Speaker:me, saying, you are doing your life wrong. And I, I actually don't know
Speaker:if I've told this story. Like I forgot till this moment. You're doing your life
Speaker:wrong. What are you doing? You have to get married, you have to have kids.
Speaker:Because I was 30 and not married. Here I am in Africa where
Speaker:literally they're like, you're 44 and you don't have children. You're not. What?
Speaker:Like you've never been married. Like, what do you mean? Like,
Speaker:makes no sense here. Even though I've met a lot of divorced
Speaker:Kenyan women that are empowered and all of that. But, but to
Speaker:them they're like, we. Everyone has kids. Everyone. Like it's not even
Speaker:an option to not. And, and so it, But I, I look
Speaker:back to those moments and like that's when I started really
Speaker:working with healers and really working with mentors and really
Speaker:learning about my soul and having astrology readings and
Speaker:having human design readings and learning how to meditate and everything you're talking about.
Speaker:That was the next Three years before I met Jeff, who became my seven year
Speaker:partner. Who I think I was with when I met you,
Speaker:when I met Jeff is when I started my business. Those three years were
Speaker:my really homecoming
Speaker:party. That's when I really came home, was after I left
Speaker:that script behind because my gut was screaming. So
Speaker:I mean, God, everything you're saying is so valuable. I just can
Speaker:feel how much so many
Speaker:women will relate to this. And of course, to become
Speaker:sexually empowered, you have to be empowered in
Speaker:yourself, in your sovereignty and your self love and your relationship
Speaker:with yourself. Like in your soul, in your
Speaker:belief in, you know, that it's not all up to us and we don't have
Speaker:to control our reality. And.
Speaker:That. Yeah, thank you for
Speaker:saying that. And I appreciate you sharing some tender stuff in your own
Speaker:experience. I could feel that when you were sharing it. That's a
Speaker:tough. There are some moments of,
Speaker:yeah, it's important
Speaker:medicine, but it doesn't always taste good going down
Speaker:to notice the degree to which we're
Speaker:can be identified. You know what I was thinking of when you were sharing there
Speaker:is like, that's a survival voice. You have to get married, you have to have
Speaker:kids, you gotta be safe. Like that's like what kept the species
Speaker:alive for. That's how we got here.
Speaker:And then I think now I don't question my life and my
Speaker:choices for a second because I've never felt happier and more
Speaker:connected and more in harmony with myself, with my life,
Speaker:with my soul, with my sovereignty, with my feelings. Like I
Speaker:wouldn't trade that for anything. And it doesn't mean I'm not open to, I believe
Speaker:my next level deep partnership, whatever that looks like, is probably
Speaker:coming soon because I'm really expanded right now. I'm just imagined.
Speaker:And maybe that's not true, but. But regardless it is.
Speaker:So I'm. So I'm saying I'm totally open to that. It's not about the
Speaker:relationship, it's not about marriage, it's not about kids, it's not about any of those
Speaker:things being wrong or not the thing. But it's like when
Speaker:we don't have these connections to all of these
Speaker:aspects of ourselves, what part of us is choosing that thing?
Speaker:Yeah, exactly. And
Speaker:often it'll be some kind of voice of survival
Speaker:programming. Yeah, whatever it is that
Speaker:depending on someone's upbringing and depending on the
Speaker:culture and situation, they've developed some kind of
Speaker:survival programming. And survival programming
Speaker:also runs like in our families and our ancestry. It's in our
Speaker:epigenetics. Like at this Our Instagram,
Speaker:it's all over the place. And
Speaker:it takes an immense amount of courage. It takes an immense amount of
Speaker:courage for someone to be able to
Speaker:start to create the safety in the container, to be able to step
Speaker:out even for a little bit, even just
Speaker:for a few minutes, to start to dip their toes
Speaker:out or step out of the
Speaker:survival programming. And then,
Speaker:you know, on the other side of the survival programming kind of is two big
Speaker:things. One is
Speaker:all the stuff that wasn't felt, that was too big to feel,
Speaker:hence the survival programming came in and said, okay, we're just.
Speaker:We're going to hive all that off over here. That's just going to get parked
Speaker:over there, because
Speaker:that's too fast, too much, too intense,
Speaker:whatever. And
Speaker:those feelings will start to come back. They've never gone away, but maybe
Speaker:they've been pushed down. They're going to start to resurface.
Speaker:And also, if those can be finished and completed so that the
Speaker:past is actually really past and not
Speaker:officially in the past in linear time, but still is, like, echoing
Speaker:and reverberating, and still we're still reacting to
Speaker:it, and it's basically determining our destiny going
Speaker:forward. If that can be
Speaker:finished, if those feelings can be finished, the rage can be
Speaker:felt safely and completed. The grief can be
Speaker:felt and grieved and be done.
Speaker:The fear can be felt and felt through and completed.
Speaker:Then the. On the other side of that is where we
Speaker:start to experience the deep generative desires and longings and
Speaker:impulses of our being. And they're different than what we may
Speaker:have thought they were. There's always little whispers. I mean, the
Speaker:soul is always still trying to get our attention through our
Speaker:dreams or through interacting with other people, like you were saying, or
Speaker:stuff we see or books we read. And all of a sudden something hits us,
Speaker:and it's a big wave of something like, where did that come from? Those can
Speaker:be ways that the soul is, like, trying to. And it doesn't have
Speaker:maybe a clear green light or channel.
Speaker:It tries to kind of get in through the side door or the back door.
Speaker:But if we create, like, the front door is the better option here.
Speaker:Rather than have your soul, as I always say to people, like,
Speaker:it'll, like, do a nice little gentle knocking.
Speaker:And then if it's not listened to, it might get a little stronger. And at
Speaker:some point, for some people, sadly, it just, like, kicks the door down,
Speaker:which is an unpleasant way to enter an
Speaker:initiation on a soul level. It happens. It happens through
Speaker:terrible health stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Health stuff. Or
Speaker:loss of identity or. Yeah, a death of someone
Speaker:close or a whole life that they imagined. Or a really
Speaker:terrible divorce situation. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
Speaker:exactly. That's a tough way of having the door kicked.
Speaker:That's a door kick down initiation, which I, I don't
Speaker:recommend. It happens for some people and then it can still be
Speaker:worked with if it does happen. I, believe me, I've worked with a lot that
Speaker:way. Way. But generally the recommendation is create safe space
Speaker:so that when you start to hear the knocking, you can begin the process
Speaker:of actually listening and you can slow it down and
Speaker:titrate it. You know, you talked about three years. That's
Speaker:a nice window, you know, to give enough
Speaker:space of real concentrated committed time
Speaker:of homecoming. And also not like, oh my God, I have to have this figured
Speaker:out by like two weeks from now. I'm in the middle of a life crisis.
Speaker:Like, oi, that's not so helpful. And it's, it's not like I decided
Speaker:it was going to be three years, right? I was just like, I, I,
Speaker:and I remember when I left my relationship, I was like, I hate
Speaker:myself. Every time I'm in relationship, I'm jealous as fuck. I compare
Speaker:myself to everyone and I'm worried my partner's going to be with someone else. And
Speaker:I'm like, I'm in hell. And so I got to figure
Speaker:this out. Like when I'm single, I just need to be in relationship when I'm
Speaker:in relationship. So. And I'd already, you know, was five years into my journey. I
Speaker:was a coach. Like, had already started coaching, was in the business realm, but
Speaker:I, and I'd done lots of healing. But I was like, I gotta
Speaker:figure this one out. Like, I, I, I made that commitment. Like my
Speaker:relationship with myself is at the root of every I had been
Speaker:in. Like, this is the one, this is the one, this is the one, you
Speaker:know, doing that dance for so long. So I did make the commitment
Speaker:to myself. I certainly didn't know how long I was gonna be on that
Speaker:journey. And it's not like I said or. Where it was gonna take, where it
Speaker:was gonna take you or where gonna take me. No clue. And it's not like
Speaker:I stopped, like I never stopped feeding those aspects of myself. But now I'm in
Speaker:deep, reverent relationship with them. Like I, I'm even looking at you feeling
Speaker:like, oh my God, I'm a different person than I was when we worked together.
Speaker:I remember how much fear I was in all the time and anxiety
Speaker:and story and and just sitting in this seat
Speaker:now just looking at you and like, holy crap. I just feel
Speaker:like. More like I'm meeting you now. I feel more.
Speaker:Rather than like this little person me,
Speaker:I feel f. You know, it's amazing
Speaker:growth. When we're devoted, I always use the analogy of a musical
Speaker:instrument. It's like you don't just pick up the
Speaker:cello and one day you're a master performing in the
Speaker:auditorium or in, you know, in symphony halls all
Speaker:over the world. You have to devote yourself not only to that
Speaker:instrument every single day and practicing and working with teachers and coaches
Speaker:and mentors, but also probably the best musicians in the world
Speaker:also meditate and they also do certain forms
Speaker:of exercise. They also travel and they also have, you know, they
Speaker:probably have many practices that. That feed
Speaker:that thing and becoming a master at that thing. But you don't. A
Speaker:master doesn't ever stop practicing. They're not like, oh, I'm a master now,
Speaker:so I'm just not going to pick up my cello. Like, they. No, they practice
Speaker:still every day, as far as I know. I don't know anyone. Any
Speaker:personal masters at music, but I'm assuming they still practice.
Speaker:Um, so. So how to feel sexually
Speaker:empowered as a woman. Let's. Let's take this home,
Speaker:because you and I could probably do this forever, and it feels so good. And
Speaker:probably we'll do a part two, part three, but.
Speaker:But if you could break it down, because I just think of how many women
Speaker:have so much sexual trauma. You know, patriarchy, men,
Speaker:men not being properly educated on how to. How to
Speaker:navigate their feelings and their bodies and their needs. And
Speaker:women for so many centuries just submitting to
Speaker:men's needs because we didn't know any better, nor did men.
Speaker:And I think all women carry that trauma and probably
Speaker:have experienced some version of it of our own in this lifetime. Certainly all
Speaker:the women I've worked with, including myself. It's just something we've all done,
Speaker:said yes when it's a no, or had experiences where
Speaker:we didn't even have a chance. Chance to say no. And there's just
Speaker:so much stuff sexually. So what would you say
Speaker:is the trajectory for a woman who got on this
Speaker:episode because she really wants to be sexually empowered
Speaker:and feel that and whatever that means to her and
Speaker:whether she's married or single, and yet right
Speaker:now she just feels so far away from it. What would you. Obviously, this whole
Speaker:episode is the answer to that. But. But how would you break that down
Speaker:really clearly? Yeah.
Speaker:To come back to first and foremost,
Speaker:first start to differentiate these three circles
Speaker:because there are three really
Speaker:different kind of worlds, if you like, or spaces or zones
Speaker:or dimensions or whatever metaphor you like that there.
Speaker:And
Speaker:that's for
Speaker:emergence to happen.
Speaker:Is the formula is first differentiation and
Speaker:then reintegration of the differentiated parts.
Speaker:So in this case, the emergence being sexual empowerment
Speaker:differentiation. First here is differentiating
Speaker:the self experience, the soul experience and the spiritual
Speaker:experience relative to this topic. And
Speaker:so a process that can be
Speaker:at the beginning really helpful. Something that you named I think
Speaker:very powerfully in what you were just sharing there
Speaker:is, after having a bit of time of getting used to these three dimensions,
Speaker:is clarifying a fundamental intention, a
Speaker:sovereign intention, which you named really powerfully,
Speaker:like you're committed to yourself, numero uno,
Speaker:no if, ands or buts about that. It's not up for a
Speaker:vote, you know, and not to press people that they have to have
Speaker:that. You know, you came to your own process to determine that for yourself.
Speaker:But when we spend enough time in these
Speaker:three parts of ourself and start to move in the. It eventually does
Speaker:crystallize some kind of fundamental
Speaker:knowing some fundamental intention
Speaker:about a life altogether. And specifically
Speaker:in this domain, when it comes to intimacy and
Speaker:sensuality and eros and the erotic in life and the
Speaker:sexual as part of that, like crystallize a
Speaker:fundamental intent. Don't force it, but just. It will
Speaker:automatically come out of
Speaker:the consequence of just spending enough time getting familiar with these dimensions of
Speaker:ourself and they start first being differentiated
Speaker:and then start to experience. Whoa, I thought this desire, but it turns out it
Speaker:was my parents thing, or it was society said this or it was this, you
Speaker:know, ancestral survival system.
Speaker:Turns out maybe I actually am interested something else altogether.
Speaker:And in the spiritual place, the soulful place relative to desire
Speaker:is always on some level to be seen in
Speaker:our fundamental uniqueness and
Speaker:to just be completely seen and
Speaker:adored and beheld and.
Speaker:And if you're not connected to be. Ourself, then how do you know that the
Speaker:other person is even? Exactly. And like the wounded self is gonna be like,
Speaker:it doesn't see me. I want to be seen. But it's like, do you see
Speaker:you? Have you. Do you. You know, like I just feel deeply
Speaker:once you're living and breathing it. Well now you're going to be
Speaker:magnetic to being seen in it and loved for it.
Speaker:And also. Exactly. And
Speaker:again the discernment. Because now when people say it's
Speaker:like I want to be seen, okay. Because actually being
Speaker:seen is amazing and it's also terrifying.
Speaker:And it's also like, completely beautiful and
Speaker:also brings up all this stuff and like,
Speaker:you know, it's all of it. It's all of the above option. So
Speaker:if we actually really see ourselves
Speaker:and learn to appreciate and love these dimensions of our
Speaker:being, from the shadowy ones to the
Speaker:most transcendental ones to the soulful ones, to like, the whole.
Speaker:The whole family, this whole multidimensional family,
Speaker:then we're gonna know, does someone else actually love us
Speaker:like that? And we're actually gonna, like, I
Speaker:mean, really know it in the bones. Not
Speaker:conceptually. Is this what it's like? I think maybe this is what it is and
Speaker:what my friends tell me it is or whatever. No. Like,
Speaker:no, there will be a. Here is a clear
Speaker:knowing and then a clear knowing for when
Speaker:it's happening. And also in every relationship, we all still remain
Speaker:totally human. There's gon. Oopses. There's going
Speaker:to be moments of. Ideally, hopefully there
Speaker:could be moments of profound intimacy. And then there's going to be times where we
Speaker:drop the ball, or they drop the ball, or we both drop the ball. And
Speaker:so repair and gentleness and patience
Speaker:and kindness is a huge part of this because
Speaker:we're all trying to
Speaker:undo, in this way of trying to transform from
Speaker:our intimacy were, as you're saying, going against
Speaker:however many hundreds of thousands of years or millions of years of
Speaker:conditioning. Right. This is not. No joke. This is not something.
Speaker:This is not something that. Okay, I'm done with that.
Speaker:All of that on the new truth here. Give me two weeks. I'll be good
Speaker:to go. Time. Just be a two week, you know. No, it's. It's good.
Speaker:Be an ongoing thing. But the good news is
Speaker:the more we connect to,
Speaker:there'll always be that part. Sure. There'll always be some conditioning
Speaker:and ongoing deconditioning. That's like
Speaker:generational tasks. This is not. But
Speaker:also it's totally possible to
Speaker:really start to experience what it is to feel actual love,
Speaker:to actually be loved and to love. And then we still have
Speaker:to figure out how to do that with safety and the world and other
Speaker:people's stuff, you know. Yeah. So that's a big endeavor.
Speaker:But the empowerment question or the sovereignty question is
Speaker:access your own sovereignty in a general way first,
Speaker:in an overall sense of life, I would say. And then start
Speaker:to. Specifically, if one feels particularly drawn to this
Speaker:dimension, start to experience that same
Speaker:fundamental map and that same fundamental process supporting. Okay,
Speaker:now that there's an understanding of the humanity and the soul and the spirit, and
Speaker:then the sovereignty connecting them. What are these
Speaker:different parts of us actually? What is their history? What is their experience
Speaker:relative to our sexual history? What are they longing for?
Speaker:What are they asking for? What kind of safeties do they need? Need?
Speaker:And this creates just so much more. As I was saying earlier,
Speaker:there are so many potential zones of intimacy.
Speaker:And again, the story of it has to immediately
Speaker:go to sex, and sex has to, you know, go like
Speaker:this. And then if, okay, and, oh, the person likes me. So now we have
Speaker:to do this, and then we have to do the next thing, and then we
Speaker:have to do the next thing. And,
Speaker:you know, know, one of the things that's possible is, like,
Speaker:by creating some differentiation, like, for people and couples. When
Speaker:we're working with couples, I work with a friend of mine, a woman
Speaker:named Sarah, and we do individuals, we work with couples, you know, one of
Speaker:the things we do often in the beginning is like, a little bit of differentiation.
Speaker:Some healthy, like, fasting to create some tension and some
Speaker:space between when it's too enmeshed.
Speaker:And so it can be fun to return to. Like,
Speaker:especially when you get in touch with the soul and the spiritual parts, our sensitivities
Speaker:grow deeply, so the sensitivity to
Speaker:pleasure grows immensely. Like,
Speaker:immensely. And all of a sudden, hand holding
Speaker:again can become profoundly electric.
Speaker:And eye gazing or cuddling or
Speaker:just kissing or almost kissing, but not. And like. And you know, it's
Speaker:like, everyone knows that feeling in the honeymoon, you know, but it's
Speaker:like to it later, I think is the most profound thing because
Speaker:that's what gets lost. It's like, that's how it is in the beginning. It's like
Speaker:you like someone and then you touch hands by accident. You're like, ooh. Even when
Speaker:you're young and you feel that feeling. And then.
Speaker:And then what happens in. In my experience of
Speaker:myself and witnessing other women when I. When my saboteur is running
Speaker:the show? It's. It's the, like, rush to the finish line. Like,
Speaker:okay, now we just gotta commit. We gotta move in. We gotta get to the.
Speaker:We gotta get to the next phase. And the next phase, the next phase. Next
Speaker:thing you know, they're cr. Their closet. Like, why hate my life? Like, I have
Speaker:all the things I wanted. Now I have, like, a sexless marriage and we don't
Speaker:even cuddle and we hate each other. And it's like, because we
Speaker:missed. Because exactly what you're saying. We're, like, not in the experience and
Speaker:not enjoying the magic of being able to be
Speaker:in the experience from all of these parts of self. God, this episode is
Speaker:so fucking valuable. It's crazy. So.
Speaker:So how did. How do women or couples. Women
Speaker:who are in relationship or not in relationship. Relationship. How do they go deeper with
Speaker:you? No pun intended.
Speaker:Slow down. We're not going deeper. Not bad.
Speaker:Yeah. So like I said, there's
Speaker:my friend, partner
Speaker:in work things, co facilitator
Speaker:Sarah. And we. We have a container we call liberated
Speaker:love, which goes through a lot of these dimensions. And
Speaker:it's great for someone who's maybe they're
Speaker:coming out of a relationship history or they haven't been in one in
Speaker:a while or they're single or solo. It's a
Speaker:beautiful process to learn. We all basically have to
Speaker:unlearn and relearn to connect with our native
Speaker:energies in this regard. To some.
Speaker:Some, like we said, like the conditioning is so
Speaker:problematic on so many levels. Like everybody's gonna have to go
Speaker:through some decontamination. Like it's just part of it. It's not
Speaker:personal to anyone. It's not an attack on anybody. It's just like
Speaker:there's gonna be a period of just undoing and unlearning
Speaker:and unraveling. Yeah. And
Speaker:that's whether you're inc. Relationship in
Speaker:relationship. We're always in relationship to ourselves, whether partnered or
Speaker:not. So we just start with that.
Speaker:We start with trying to like just a lot of gentle
Speaker:disentangling as we've been saying and
Speaker:differentiating and some space to then
Speaker:have some consent and some permission for these other
Speaker:parts of us to have some room to space week and start
Speaker:to familiarize ourself with what's really going on here.
Speaker:And not the conditioned responses, but also
Speaker:just to notice, gain awareness when the conditioned
Speaker:responses happen because they are going to still happen. Like,
Speaker:whoops, there went that again. There's that whole pie
Speaker:pattern like. And
Speaker:to read connect, especially if someone is
Speaker:coming to it more like wanting to change their own relationship to themself
Speaker:for the basis of either renewing an existing relationship
Speaker:or the potential of a future relationship. That's always
Speaker:the starting place is to get in touch with
Speaker:what do each of these three parts of us need?
Speaker:The humanity small S
Speaker:self part of us needs safety and trust and
Speaker:reliability and for things to slow way down.
Speaker:Everybody is going way too fast in.
Speaker:This zone, in all zones, like in life.
Speaker:They're scheduling like God, no wonder.
Speaker:So that we can come back to. And then from like
Speaker:a nervous system point of view, how to experience what the nervous
Speaker:system feels like in a relaxed state. And how
Speaker:arousal actually requires relaxation and safety
Speaker:versus most people's experience of arousal
Speaker:physiologically is like basically kind of on
Speaker:the edge of being a fight or flight response. Like it's either they're
Speaker:numb or they're like, like too cranked up, you
Speaker:know. So to be able to slow down
Speaker:and experience gentle, healthy
Speaker:building of arousal so that it
Speaker:becomes more this, like the hot
Speaker:coals, you know, this like warm embers of the fire of
Speaker:a nice slow fire. Like that's
Speaker:actually what, what is sustainable. Not this
Speaker:go from zero to a hundred and then depletion
Speaker:and then whatever pornography. And then you get
Speaker:desensitized and then you need harder and harder. People watch
Speaker:more intense stuff and they get more desensitized and then they're in a
Speaker:numbing and addictive tendency. It was like come back to
Speaker:it's okay to actually feel pleasure in the body body. It's okay
Speaker:to feel the wind on your neck and smell the
Speaker:flowers and look at a beautiful face
Speaker:and just really come back to basic, foundational,
Speaker:relaxed, slowed down beauty
Speaker:appreciation, observation of all the wonder
Speaker:that's around us. Because really eros,
Speaker:capital E. Eros includes the sexual. But it's really just like
Speaker:the juiciness of existence. Like
Speaker:the food tastes better and the colors are
Speaker:crisper and the sounds are cleaner and like
Speaker:we can actually just start to live with
Speaker:way more pleasure and relaxation in our lives.
Speaker:Move to Greece or Kenya. That helps. That helped
Speaker:me so much because to live in cultures that are sensual
Speaker:and that are slower and that are where the beauties.
Speaker:Beauties everywhere on planet Earth. But to live in cultures where it's easier
Speaker:to move slower really helped me with that piece.
Speaker:But yeah, God, as you're talking, I'm thinking about the
Speaker:dating world now. I mean, I remember the exact opposite. Of all of
Speaker:that. It's the opposite when I was in Greece and I was like, okay, I
Speaker:have a podcast about dating and relationships. Guess I should try online dating because
Speaker:I'd never done it when I broke up with Jeff and moved to Greece. So
Speaker:I did it for a little while while. And then I met Patricio, my last
Speaker:partner. We. I actually met a partner on there. We had a great three year
Speaker:relationship and we grew a lot. But the date
Speaker:they got, the only reason Patricio made it, made it to the
Speaker:next level was because he didn't
Speaker:try anything because we had emotional intimacy
Speaker:texting. I actually got bit in the face by a dog two days after we
Speaker:met. Virtually like before, before we'd met in person and
Speaker:Then we started cultivating a couple weeks of just texting and voicing
Speaker:notes. And then after that and him supporting me through getting bit
Speaker:in the face by a dog. I had surgery and it was a, you know,
Speaker:and he was a football coach, so injuries and like he, it was so sweet.
Speaker:So that's how we started connecting. But then we went on our first date and
Speaker:it was eight hours of talking, you know, four hours of coffee and four hours
Speaker:of dinner. And he didn't try anything, walked me home, didn't try anything.
Speaker:Like said by at the door, gave me a hug, kiss on the cheek. And
Speaker:that, that stood out so much because every single
Speaker:date I went on, the guys were trying, they were trying, they were like eating
Speaker:my face and trying to go upstairs. And it's like everyone. And then I hear
Speaker:this from clients too. Like that's what's out there. But as you were
Speaker:describing the woman who's connected to the energy of
Speaker:Eros, I'm imagining this is how we change. Like
Speaker:I often hear women say, oh, but there's no like non of conscious men
Speaker:who are self aware lalala. It's like be the change in the world you wish
Speaker:to see. If you're the woman on the day date who's deeply
Speaker:slow and connected. The guys that are super fast get
Speaker:spat out so fast and then you start to attract the ones who
Speaker:move slower and you, you, you embody it. So you're,
Speaker:you're leading with it. Yeah,
Speaker:and there's absolutely. And I'm sorry for all those bad
Speaker:experiences on behalf of all man on. Planet earth, like
Speaker:Scowcros. Gross. It is
Speaker:so gross. I remember being like, seriously, is this all this other now? Like it's.
Speaker:Oh, it's awesome. It's like fast food. It's like McDonald's
Speaker:instead of Annalina, you know, it's just so gross.
Speaker:It's so gross. So, so yeah, no, go
Speaker:ahead. Well, I was saying, and that helps
Speaker:to cultivate, to speak like, you know,
Speaker:there's lots of layers and uniqueness for each person. But just on the humanity side,
Speaker:side, the self side, the nervous system side, we need safety.
Speaker:Right. And, and particularly, you know,
Speaker:you know, women have the history as you named, of their
Speaker:sexual existence being subordinate and
Speaker:submitted to their survival needs. And that's
Speaker:still in everybody's bones. No matter what
Speaker:our think happy thoughts and tell myself
Speaker:affirmations like, great, but you know, we're talking about stuff that's in
Speaker:your bones. So
Speaker:we need to know what safety actually is with each other.
Speaker:Right. And what are the actual signals. And one of the most important
Speaker:is the person is slowed down
Speaker:in themselves and they can be in slowed down space
Speaker:with another person. Person. Ooh,
Speaker:yeah, that's hot. That's. That's important.
Speaker:That's where, that's where slow
Speaker:burn. And like, then you can start to build
Speaker:some fun if it's there. And, and maybe, maybe
Speaker:it doesn't go in a sexual way. Maybe it just becomes this like sweet
Speaker:kind of brother, sister kind of dynamic. And then the slowed down is like, oh,
Speaker:you know, what's really here is like really sweet friendship.
Speaker:And isn't that a beautiful. Like, God knows, so many people are lonely
Speaker:and they assume that the only answer to loneliness is,
Speaker:you know, getting to bed with someone. Like, I don't know, there's the whole
Speaker:history of the world called family and friendship. Maybe that also is important.
Speaker:Actually, it's the fourth. It's the four things you named.
Speaker:It's the spirit, the self, the spirit, the soul and the sovereignty. And once
Speaker:we have that, we're never lost because you're with yourself. And then
Speaker:when you're with yourself, you're a magnet to being with so many. And then the
Speaker:love is abounding and you're not so desperate to just have one person fill that
Speaker:need. And then you can be much more discerning, as you said.
Speaker:And, and yeah. And enjoy the multiple
Speaker:kinds of loves. Like that comes out. Exactly. Rather than
Speaker:just trying to force everything to be this one thing that someone else told you
Speaker:you were supposed to have and want. It's insane. Okay, so
Speaker:again we're going to talk forever. So let's wrap
Speaker:up working with you because I imagine a lot of women are going to want
Speaker:to in some capacity. So the program is, Sarah, is that a group
Speaker:program or is it individual? Right now we've
Speaker:loselly been working with individuals and couples.
Speaker:We've thrown out group ideas. But mostly the feedback has been. Might change.
Speaker:But mostly the feedback has been like, ooh, too intimate for people.
Speaker:I don't know. So we're generally quite open to
Speaker:creating containers that are, you know, very
Speaker:dependent on what person wants and how they want to be flexible with it.
Speaker:So we have a general framework and then it has lots of possibility for
Speaker:the uniqueness of each person or couple or. Yeah,
Speaker:beautiful. Amazing. Okay, so if you're ready to become a sexually
Speaker:empowered women. Woman. Women. More than one woman.
Speaker:And starting with, you know, really building a relationship with those
Speaker:aspects of yourself, like I. So much of my growth comes from working with you.
Speaker:I. I think I worked with you for at least a year in the. That.
Speaker:That first year of my work in the world. There's no effing way I would
Speaker:be doing and have created everything I have in my life and in my work
Speaker:without you. That was the foundation. So I highly,
Speaker:highly recommend working with you and your heart and
Speaker:your. The safety that you create, even just in this
Speaker:conversation, in every conversation I have with you, in every interaction
Speaker:I have with you. And, yeah, just the brilliance of the
Speaker:holistic model that you teach and embody.
Speaker:So we will link below this episode
Speaker:any assets to. Or any links that you have
Speaker:to have women find you and
Speaker:join this program with you and Sarah. Is there a website you want to say
Speaker:out loud? Or social media or any links you want to say out loud?
Speaker:I have a substack, which is where I have
Speaker:my articles, and I also have sort of teachings,
Speaker:podcast style. So that's just. That's called
Speaker:Liquid Love is the name of the substack. And it's
Speaker:so you can hear lots of my voice and,
Speaker:like, versions of this teaching of the self and the soul and spirit. And
Speaker:there's other ones on specifically the Zone of Intimacy, and
Speaker:there's a lot more we can go into on that. But, yeah, that's. So that's
Speaker:my primary thing that I do. Amazing.
Speaker:Amazing. Check out his substack. That's so sweet. I was actually just thinking you're,
Speaker:like, a brilliant angel of love. I feel like that's your
Speaker:role in the world. You're, like, so brilliant and powerful, but such an
Speaker:angel. You just have such angelic energy. So I'm so grateful to know
Speaker:you and to share you with the community, and
Speaker:thank you so much for being here. Check Chris's substack out and all
Speaker:his other magic linked below this episode. What's your website?
Speaker:Do you have one? The substack is. What is it? I think it's
Speaker:just Sea Dirkies. I always forget I have to look it up even.
Speaker:It's Liquid Love is the name of it. And then there's Liquid
Speaker:Love. Yeah, yeah, that's the substack. And, Chris, thank you for having me. And
Speaker:obviously, your name will be on the podcast episode. They'll be able to find it.
Speaker:All right, love you so much. Thank you so much for being here and all
Speaker:your wisdom, and we will see y' all soon. And as always, share
Speaker:this episode with every woman you know who needs to hear it, which I believe
Speaker:is all women. And we'll see you next week.