Being able to talk to you parents about money may be more important than you think.

• Wanting them to make the most of their money (01:29)
• Your parents likely come from a different money perspective than you (05:36)
• Ask basic financial preference questions without giving your input (06:46)

Quote for the episode: "The goal is to start a conversation, not tell them why they're wrong."

Securities offered through TFS Securities, Inc., Advisory Services through TFS Advisory Services, a SEC Registered Investment Advisor Member FINRA / SIPC. TFS Securities, Inc. located at 437 Newman Springs Road, Lincroft, NJ 07738 (732) 758-9300.

Welcome to the Enjoy More 30s: Family Finance

podcast, the only podcast dedicated to making life more

enjoyable for young families by hitting on the financial topics

that tend to weigh on us, stress us out and distract our focus

from simply enjoying life.

Hello and welcome to the next series, which I

really can't help but be pretty excited about for a couple

different reasons here. This series itself is called "Your

Parent's Money Mindset". And in it, we're going to tackle a

number of aspects to help you address many times what's the

elephant in the room, when it comes to your parents and money.

Parents and money can be one of the most challenging scenarios.

We are probably closer to them than most anyone else in the

world, however, many times money might as well be spelled

t-a-b-o-o, taboo. The biggest reason why this can be

challenging is because it generally doesn't come up until

a crisis hits. Mom or dad can't make their own decisions, maybe

should no longer be making their own decisions and don't know it,

or ran into some kind of an escalating expenses or health

may have declined. All of which can eventually hit their

children squarely in the face. Obviously 100% on board for

helping the people that you know raised us, took care of us, put

food in our mouths, put us on this track, this path to where

we are today. But that doesn't mean the best time to start

helping is when a crisis hits.

The other aspect is really the opposite of that coin. Parents

don't really know how much they have or what that translates

into kind of many times and that's really the whole theme of

this whole podcast. It's really not just them, it's everybody

when there's not a financial education kind of prerequisite

that's provided to all of us in school or growing up. And that

manifests in either not living their own lives to the fullest,

or maybe not really realizing that they're going to pass with

a lot more money in their pockets than they expect. So

when we speak with clients and show them what path they're on,

many times we literally have to tell them, "If you continue to

do what you're doing right now, you are going to die with a lot

of money in your pocket. Is that your goal? Is that what you

would prefer? Or would you rather get to share it with your

kids now through vacations, gifting, or anything else and

see that smile on their face when you're still alive." And so

in 13 years now, I've yet to have anyone state the goal was

to have really big stuffed pockets on their way out.

If your parents always had money for whatever you guys may have

needed, not that they were frivolous at all, but just you

know, dance camp came up, they somehow found money for that.

You had to go to college, they kind of somehow found money for

that. You needed a car, they somehow kind of found money for

that. You had braces, they somehow kind of found money for

that. And if that was kind of how your parents mentality was,

where they were kind of careful with money but they always were

able to come up with whatever they needed, many times that's

kind of the blueprint for this type of a person. They got to

where they are today by being a little bit more on the frugal

side overall, very careful with their money, making sure that

they had what they needed. So now when they're retired, and

maybe they have more than enough assets to be a little bit more

free with more enjoying life with, it's hard to just flip a

switch and say, "Okay, I spent the last 40 years really being

careful with every penny. And now all of a sudden, I have this

freedom to kind of spend." And it's not something that happens

overnight. For us, it might take three, four or five different

meetings with people to really convince them that, "Hey, you

have this extra money. Even if you spend an extra $5,000 a

year, the numbers say you're not going to run out of money even

when we account for all these things that could go wrong."

So today, we're going to cover what you need to know about how

your parents relationship with money is likely very different

from yours. And more importantly, what you can start

doing to take steps in bridging that gap between you guys. So my

daughter Avery is currently four years old. And as any four year

old, she asks a lot of why questions. Why is the sky blue?

Why can't we eat chocolate every day? Why does green mean go, and

red mean stop? I really kind of liked that one in particular, by

the way. But children have a completely different lens on the

world and that's so fascinating. And at the same time, it also

makes answering their questions somewhat difficult because

they're coming from that different, you know, innocent

perspective, that different plane compared to us. So

recently we read David and Goliath, a story I would expect

everybody to know. So if you remember in this story, David

hits Goliath with the rock. And Avery asks, "Why did David hit

him?" You know, this is supposed to be the crowning moment of the

story where David triumphs, and all Avery could see was that

David got angry and hit somebody else with a rock. So aren't we

not supposed to hit people? Is Goliath okay? Well, it certainly

caught me off guard. Am I supposed to, you know, go

against everything that we've been talking about with her and

just condone violence that, you know, if they deserve it, then

you can hit them with a rock kind of a thing. If you're

wondering, I instead went with a, "No, you shouldn't hit people

Avery, you're right. David was just frustrated. I think he and

Goliath probably afterwards used their words and became friends."

So right, wrong and different, that's what I went with, and

there you go.

So what you need to know about talking to your parents about

money is first that they come from a completely different

perspective than you do most likely. While they didn't

directly go through the Great Depression themselves, their

parents did. And because of that, they likely were very

influenced second hand by that Great Depression mentality, so

to speak. The pay off your mortgage, keep your money under

your mattress, in the banks kind of a thing. They perhaps don't

like paying bills online or prefer paper statements.

Finances overall may be very personal to them, very private

to them. They probably don't like using Venmo, publicly

posting that they are paying someone with, you know, a cute

emoji at the end of it. Because you may come from another money

mindset, it may be hard to have any money related conversations.

And just taking that topic off the table is probably much

easier many of the times. However, putting it on the table

is the first step to building that bridge, and that's what I

want to try to encourage you to do today.

So what you can do is ask questions without providing

advice or input. So that last part is very important- without

providing advice or input. Start conversations that involve some

financial aspect, just to start building a bridge of having that

topic be something you can talk about, even if it's to a minimal

kind of an aspect at the beginning. The initial goal here

is to start a conversation. In the episodes that follow in this

series, you're going to be able to build out your knowledge,

extend the conversation, speak intelligently, so they could

say, "Hey, you know, my kid kind of knows what they're talking

about here." Maybe I can have a little bit more of a back and

forth. But for today just focus on the goal of a conversation in

and of itself. So here's some examples of what you can talk

about. Again, careful not to tell them why you think they are

wrong, if you do think they're wrong, but just to open that

door, rather. For a lot of these questions, it's really just

about expressing concern for their well being, which I'm

pretty sure they'd appreciate.

"Hey Mom, Dad. Just curious, do you use one bank? Or do you have

a number of different banks that you use?" "Hey Mom, Dad. Just

curious, do you like paying most of your bills online? Do you

like paying them directly? What do you feel like works out the

best for you?" "Hey Mom, Dad. Just curious, do you use your

debit card mostly? Do you have a number of credit cards you use?

Again, kind of, what works best for you? What do you find to be

the best and most comfortable?" "How did you know when you

should start investing? How did you kind of figure that out? How

did you say, 'hey, I should start putting money away'? And

how did you go about doing that?" "If God forbid anything

ever happened to you, do you have some place with like

documents? Or some person I'm supposed to go talk to?" "Hey

Mom, Dad. You know, just urious, how did you know you

an even retire? Like, how did hat dawn on you? How did you

now, 'Hey, I have enough money for the next 30 years'? Did yo

have a financial advisor ever d like projections for you to kno

how much you could spend, or h w long your money might last

" "Hey Mom, Dad. Just curious, o you have medical coverage wh

n you're retired? I know I g t mine through work, but you don

t work anymore. Do you still ha e coverage? How do you know wh

t it covers and what it doesn t cover

Every parent now is different. So maybe none of these will open

the door even a crack, maybe there are other questions you

can think of that might be more fitting for your specific

parents. But coming from this place of concern, which you

likely have for them anyway I would assume, is the best chance

to have it be well received.

So a quick recap of today. First is to acknowledge that money is

hard to talk about. But there are significant reasons why you

should think about having those conversations with parents. The

first is to head off that bad track earlier than later. And

secondly is to get them thinking about making the most out of

their money that they've worked so hard to earn over their

entire lifetimes. They may have worked for 30 years or more, so

they really deserve to use that money and I'm sure that's what

you want for them too. Know as well that they are almost

certainly coming from a different mindset about money.

Remember, no public Venmo purchases with emojis at the

end. Lastly, start bridging that gap by asking very basic

financial preference questions, or those that express concern

without being invasive. I've said it many times again today.

The goal is to start a conversation, not tell them why

they are wrong.

Thanks for tuning in today. As always, if you are able to

implement what we cover, that's fantastic. You have less to

worry about than before, and can focus more on enjoying life. If

you are wanting help with these things though, or have questions

you need help in clarifying, check out the 'Ask Joe' section

on the show's website. www . enjoy more 30s .com, that's

enjoy more three zero s .com. If you enjoyed this episode

specifically, please make sure to subscribe and review us on

Apple podcasts or wherever you listen. There are literally

millions of young American families out there I'm trying to

reach and help just like you. Clicking a star, writing a

review really goes a long way. The next episode is "Your

Parents Trust Their Advisor", where we are going to extend now

into if you can open that door of conversation, who are they

probably taking advice from already, and what does that

advice maybe look like? Until next week, thanks for joining me

today and I look forward to connecting with you again soon.

The conversations on this show are

Joe's opinions and provided for general information purposes

only. They do not constitute accounting, legal tax or other

professional advice for your specific situation. You should

always seek appropriate advice from a financial advisor,

accountant, lawyer or other professional before acting upon

any content or information found here first. Joseph is affiliated

with New Horizons Wealth Management LLC, a branch office

of TFS securities Inc and TFS advisory services, an SEC

registered investment advisor member FINRA/SIPC.