Ever wonder why your partner thinks the way they do — and why no amount of explaining seems to change it? Matthew and Nancy took the Gallup CliftonStrengths assessment through a leadership class at their church, and the results were equal parts validating and hilarious. Matthew's strengths — Learner, Achiever, Futuristic, Belief, and Responsibility — put him squarely in strategic thinking mode, always planning, always visioning, always reaching for what's next. Nancy's strengths — Communication, Consistency, Significance, Harmony, and Responsibility — make her a powerhouse of influence, relationship, and execution. The twist? His top two are her bottom two. Her influencing strengths are nowhere in his top 10. And somehow they've been making it work for 37+ years without knowing why.

In this episode they unpack the four quadrants — executing, influencing, relationship building, and strategic thinking — and what it looks like when a couple brings completely different ones to the table. About why Nancy doesn't need to be a strategic thinker, and why Matthew needs to stop requiring her to be one. And yes — about the moment Nancy dictated an entire list to Claude AI during a 45-minute drive just to get Matthew his beloved bullet points.

Stop trying to fix your weaknesses. Stop trying to change your partner's wiring. This episode makes the case for leaning hard into what you're actually great at — together.

📋 Takeaways

• His tops are her bottoms — and that's actually the point
• Weaknesses aren't meant to be fixed, they're meant to be acknowledged and handed off
• Four quadrants: executing, influencing, relationship building, strategic thinking — and most couples don't bring the same ones
• When you stop trying to change your partner's wiring and start working with it, everything gets easier
• Hire, delegate, or partner to cover what you're not wired for
• Nancy's son called her "spicy" years ago — turns out Harmony's description of "straightforward" basically confirms it
• Matthew has been futuristic and strategic since 2014 — the top two just swapped
• Executing is where they both shine and where they get things done together — selling the house proved it

🧑‍🤝‍🧑 People Mentioned:

• Mel Robbins — mentioned in reference to the 5-4-3-2-1 rule

🏢 Companies/Organizations Mentioned:

• Gallup CliftonStrengths — the assessment Matthew and Nancy took
• GrowthDay — referenced as a past personal development experience
• Claude — Nancy's shortcut to making Matthew's beloved list (yes, really)

Welcome to. We should Probably Edit this, but we won't.

This is about our life's messy journey. It's unscripted talks about growth, real laughs sometimes.

Real laughs sometimes just the chaos and. And we think there's a little bit of comedy here.

Everything.

It's about our 37 years of marriage and our experience. I'm Matthew Greger.

And I'm Nancy Greger. And we're your host of We Should.

Probably Edit this, But we won't. And we probably should have edited that. So here's our next episode.

Yes. Hi.

Welcome to our next episode.

Wow. Two in a row. We're on a roll.

Well, it's not two in a row. We had a week. So anyways, today's topic is going to be on our strengths. We're not going to focus on our weaknesses too much, just our strengths.

No, the objective is don't worry about your weaknesses. Because the idea of this, examples, if you will, is that I think weaknesses fall in line with people trying to change.

Right.

So there's abilities that we each come with. If we focus on our weaknesses so much, we're trying to change that, or if we.

If the partner focuses on the weaknesses of the other, that's just room for problems. Yes, it's epic. But it's also really important that we understand, you know, that we understand the strengths of each other.

And I think actually until we just took this lead class at church at.

The Gallup Poll is what we ended up taking at church.

Right. But until we took that course, we knew of each other's strengths, but we didn't really hone in on it.

And I think this, the strength finder really just shed light to where we work good together, what defines us and what quadrant we're good at and where the other one excels versus the other. And, and we've just played. We haven't really focused in on that too much of. Of letting the other person drive their strength in our relationship.

We always expected, or I have, I expected that you should understand what I'm talking about.

Sure. Okay. And I do allow you to just to express your strengths to some extent, though, that.

You mean my. Express. Express my desire for you to understand something that you really don't want. That you really don't want.

Let's pull it back.

Okay.

What were your top five strengths? Okay, start there because that. That will lead people to understand.

Understand the two of us a little more. Okay.

Correct. So what were your top five?

All right, so let's do. I'll do my top Five. Then you do your top five and then we'll talk about where they fit into it.

Get to it.

Hey, go ahead.

Top five, let's go.

That must be one of your strengths right there that you're trying to push me into. Okay, so the first one I have is learner. And this is about being curious. Curious, inquisitive and studious.

Second is achiever, driven, diligent, ambitious. Third is futuristic, imaginative, forward thinking, visionary. I love to think about the future. Belief, certain, passionate, committed.

And the fifth one is responsibility. Dependable, committed and responsive.

I like them. Those are good. Those are good. Okay.

Okay, so what are your, what are your top five?

My first one was communication.

Say she's trying to get me to communicate.

Always communication. Good at storytelling. Not afraid of speaking in front of a crowd or speaking on a stage. Never been my.

Or continuing to talk, period.

Consistency. I'm a creature of habit and I tend to stick with certain things until I. Something falls me off.

But then I always remember how good it is to remain on a consistent level. And that's routines. That could be just routines and rules of how you follow significance.

So for me, there has to be some underlying passion that I feel when I'm talking about something or I'm trying to express something. There has to be some significance to it that I think is going to be helpful. Harmony.

This was funny because one of the key descriptions to Harmony is people that are straightforward as well, as well as what we would call spicy.

And did it actually describe.

It does.

In, in the, in the description.

Yeah, in the further around in the description, it talks about people who are.

Straightforward and describes them as being spicy.

Spicy.

Which I thought was, was very funny when I, when I heard it because years ago I asked my older child, my son, how he would describe me to, you know, people he wanted to introduce me to or whatever. And he would say, my mom's spicy. Which at first I was like, I'm not sure what that actually means, but okay. And then the last part for me was.

Before you do.

No, I'm finishing off mine. Don't interrupt.

No, I want to, I want to talk about the spiciness.

So the last part was responsibility. Okay.

So we both.

I am a type of person who is very loyal and very responsible. I'm.

Those for me, honesty and loyalty are very, very critical parts to a relationship that I have with anyone, whether it's my husband or whether it's friends. It's the aspect that those are two values and qualities that I, I have inside. And so that's what I'd like other people in my relationships to have.

So those are my.

That's. I mean, we both are. Have that responsibility as number five. So I think. I think we're definitely in tune there.

But, you know, about going back to the spiciness for a minute. I mean, I will have to say that, you know, the best way to describe that is when you get a really good spice. It lingers.

It could go either way.

Well, I mean, it could either have. It could be bad or it could be good. But. But it, but it does. It does linger. And it. There's that punch that a good spice gives you, and I think.

I think you definitely give a good punch.

Well, what I. What I realized in doing this is that some of that has. When I said I was straightforward, I don't. I don't mince words.

If I know you come right to the point. I'm afraid of saying things. I mean, I don't want to. I take someone else's feelings in place, basically. On how.

No, no, no. Don't make it seem as though I don't take your feelings into.

No, but you don't worry about them.

I don't worry about it.

Okay. You know, I will overthink about. I will, I will. I will overthink. I will overthink how somebody's going to feel about it. So I.

So I take way too long to get it out.

Right.

You know, even. Even years throughout. As long as I can remember, I hated confrontation. And I would do everything I could not to have to confront something.

And you're still that way.

Correct. And I don't know where that fits in.

No confrontation.

That just tells you that there are things about each other in a relationship that my strengths and his strengths, when we meld them together, probably make us an altogether better human and abilities to do things and move forward. I think in every relationship, if you are both exactly the same in everything,.

Then you can be butting heads.

Yeah. I think you're. You're going to find that you're not really doing what's feeling adequate enough, if you will.

But I do think that there's a good blend. One of the things we're really good about together, though, is in. In. In the areas. Yeah.

So let's talk about that for a minute. Then we'll talk about. We're really good. So there's four quadrants that these fit into.

Y. Yes.

One is executing, the other is influencing, then relationship building and strategic thinking.

So guess what quadrant we are in so I'll have to say that of my top 10 strengths, four are in executing, five are in strategic thinking, and one is in relationship building.

Yes. And in mine, I have four in executing. I have three in influencing and three in relationship building, and zero in strategic thinking.

So that just explains a lot. It really does for me because, I.

Mean, tell them what, what's in some of the categories here?

Let me, let me list you. I'll list you my, my five that are in strategic thinking. Then I'll list the other three that are in there.

Futuristic, ideation, input, learner, and strategic. And the other three are analytical, context and intellection.

Now this just explains a whole lot when she has none of those, you know, And I'm always looking into the future. I'm always planning, I'm always coming up with ideas. I'm very strategic about how I do things. And I don't, I never really understood what.

Well, why aren't you, you know, just what, what is it? Why don't you, why don't you understand what I'm talking about?

It just doesn't interest me. It doesn't. I don't see that as being one of the necessities in my particular life or who I am. But let's, let's rephrase that.

This helps you identify features about yourself.

So why don't you tell me in what, what's an influencing and relationship building?

So an influencing for me is activator, communicator and significance. One and one is communication. Significance was number three, activator was number 10. Because I looked at the top 10.

But if I look at the top five, two of my top five was in influencing and one was in relationship building, which is harmony. But the other ones were adaptability and relator.

And I found that that relator is probably very true about me because I'm not necessarily the person that needs a lot of friends or I don't really have a lot of friends, but the people that I feel are my friends is fine.

So you're good with a small amount.

I'm good with a small crowd. Like I couldn't, I don't think I could handle a large number of, of friends. Right.

Because I think that it gets diluted and I can't focus my attention because remember, I'm a loyalist.

It's like a networking event.

And so for me, it's, I, I can be loyal to one or two, maybe four people, but I'm not going to be loyal to 20. It's very hard for me to do that because I, I give so much of myself.

I'm the person who, who, if there was a need for you to present yourself right away and be right there, I'm there. I don't even think twice about it. You know, my kid calls me up and says, hey, mom, I need you to help me with Ba Ba Baba. Can you do it? I'm there.

I have to think about it.

Where, where he does, he thinks about it.

Because I have to get strategic with my response.

Yeah. Or what we're doing, you know.

So for me, you're just going with it.

I just go, I just, I just go to the point because I've built up a relationship with that individual, that person that I feel a lot of loyalty to and responsible for that I don't think twice if they were to call me up and say to me, hey, I need you to do this, I'm going to do it. I'm not even going to hesitate. I'm not even going to think about it.

I'm just, mom, I need your help.

I'm there. Let's go. What do you want? What is it that I could do to help you?

Whereas if they ask me and else and they'll say to me, well, I don't know about Daddy says, don't worry about daddy. We got to tell daddy things three weeks ahead in advance so he can wrap himself around the idea and the concept.

But I'm not reliant upon whether or not he agrees with it, whether or not he sees it, whether or not he wants to go along with it.

But the one, the one strength I have in, in the relationship side is individualization. And I think you have it in here. What's the discussion of what an individual is? Individualization is.

Okay, so, okay, it's people exceptionally talented in the individualization theme, are intrigued with the unique qualities of each person. They have a gift for figuring out how different people can work together productively, how different people can work together productively.

So I, I, I think that's, that's true about what I do with my relationships. I look to see what is it about you as an individual person. That's why I do better with my kids. One on one.

Correct.

Than all three together.

Than all three. Then, then the whole mix.

Yeah. Yeah.

But I will say that one of the things that we are almost kooky in, lined with.

Yeah, we both have four in that,.

We both have four in this category, and that is execution.

And I think nothing proved it more than that than our recent sale of the house and us getting where we want to be and what we wanted to do and just, Just all in on it.

I mean, that's the thing is if we can come up and we can agree on what we're doing, there's nothing that can stop us because we're going all in on it.

And so I looked at that today and so both of us have arranger and responsibility, and then I have achiever and belief, and you have consistency and deliberation. So I mean, that only leaves discipline, focus as the two that are outside and restorative.

Right?

Yeah, I mean, I think that's true that neither one of us have the focus or the discipline.

And that's probably the part that we struggle with the most, you know, staying on focus on what that is and then having the discipline to actually move forward and do it.

But here's. But we got.

We got most of them in that category, and I think the, the ones we don't really shine on and maybe not even in the top 10 of what we are doesn't really play an issue for us when it's about us doing something. And I think that's not just a sign of, of what it was like when we were getting ready to sell the house. But I've.

Throughout the life, I've had close friends say.

Say to us that they've never met a couple who works at doing certain things together, like with a tremendous amount of discipline and wanting to get it done. So, for instance, there wasn't a time when we owned our own home that we didn't do things to work right on that home.

Not even our kids say, you guys are always doing something with the house.

We're always doing something.

And, and, and I think to some extent, you know, maybe I, I wished we would have spent a little bit more time focused on doing other things with the kids and getting that done. But we, we were very, very, like, attuned. And that probably comes down to what,.

What do you mean? You meant, you mean spending more time doing fun things with the kids?

Yeah, I mean, we spent a lot of time fixing things and improving things and upgrading things. Now, I want you to know that some of those things weren't just because aesthetically we wanted to.

Well, I mean, I mean, look, look at what we did with. At 25 Worcester Heights when we built a whole play gym. Right.

That's what I'm saying. That was for the kids. But we also. Outdoor fountain, water fountain.

Yeah. So they could. They. So they would stay outside instead of tracking the Dirt and mud inside to get a drink.

But, but, but in order to get prepped for that, we had to build a stone wall.

Yes.

Which I had to go. And I picked up every single stone by hand and moved them from one. From one person's house to this.

And that was like several months of rocks in the back of my truck. And then we did the fence and I got my hernia from. From that one. Yeah, we remember. Remember us putting the fence, digging the fence with the.

What I'm saying is, is though, even though if I.

When I look back now, there were things that we were very committed to, but it wasn't always about necessarily fixing of the house as much as is what could we do to improve upon the house that would make the rest of the family more comfortable in the.

House and to be able to enjoy it more.

And enjoy it more.

Right.

So like, we did that when we bought our first house, 25 Worcester Heights. We had our kids in mind with the backyard and we built a fantastical, you know, play gym for them in the back.

And then when we moved to the second house, which was 17 West Pine, we had a pool.

We put in a pool.

And the pool was again, so that.

In a big swing, which lasted until the tree got hit by lightning.

But we put in that pool because we felt the. Every. The kids and us, we were going to get enjoyment from the pool during.

The summer months, especially their teenage years. I mean, it was a lot of work to put it in and. But it's.

It's rewarding afterwards, after you accomplish and you're done executing, to actually sit back.

And I would hope that the kids enjoyed it while they were there. I think they did. They all went in it. Yeah, they all enjoyed, you know, the pool and when we had the boat.

They enjoyed going out on the boat with you on the lake. Those are, Those were like.

That was my first boat.

Your first month? Yeah. Only got 25. But.

But as far as executing. Yes. Now it's time to execute different things and maybe be able to spend more time with our children than. Than what we had in the past.

And this time it's doing something more specific and more fun or something like that.

From your perspective, it has to be planned. It has to be dedicated. It has to be timed out, it has to be written on the calendar.

It.

It has to be scheduled. If it's not, it won't happen.

Are you talking to me?

I'm talking to you, yeah.

Oh, so what, you'll just go?

I, you know what the the best part about moving and buy and moving into a condo and renting, by the way, not owning it, but renting it is that it was supposed to give us the freedom to do whatever we wanted to do when we wanted to do.

What. So what's the difference then now between me and you on that?

You're still having to plan. You're still having to schedule. You're still, it's very hard for you to not have a list. I don't, I don't do good with list. It's not my thing.

Yes. I mean, part of it's. That's still holding me back right now is my job, is that commitment to that. But I, I would agree with you. Yeah. Yes.

I may not have as strong responsibilities as you do with your job, but I still do have a job.

No, I know that, but you're, you're, you're, you're willing to just go?

No, I'm willing to say, let's do this and let's plan. Let's go. We're going here.

Yeah.

I think you're still thinking, well, I don't know if that's really going to be the good time.

Well, no, I mean, I will have to say that there's still an adjustment that I'm going through with, with this change that we have, you know, being, you know, debt free. I'm still, it still hasn't hit me having a little more freedom. Like every weekend. There was something we.

Else we had to do, you know, around the house or, or something like that. We had to go get firewood. We had to go take the garbage out. We had to go.

We had a routine every Saturday morning that we did and periodically throughout the week. And then we planned what's the spring projects, what's the next thing that we're going to do, you know, now that doesn't exist anymore. And I'm still.

Okay. I'm still in that mind shift right now that I'm going through, and that's going to take me. As you know, it takes a while.

As you know, it takes a while longer for me to adjust.

Next year we'll do the same topic. But I will say one of the things that I learned during this class that we took at church on leadership was whatever your.

Was it 34 items it was listed. Whatever your bottom weaknesses are, it's not about fixing them. It's simply about acknowledging them. They're there. That's not your area. Right.

And moving on and just focusing on your top five. That or even your Top ten. Because that's where you're. That's what you're really good at.

So why are you worrying about trying to increase your weaknesses?

Yeah, you can do so much.

Your weakness is a little bit up that scale.

You can do so much more by focusing on what you're really great at versus what you're not, what you're not good at. And it's just like, for me, one of them. I don't remember what the name of it is, but it's.

It talks about the past and about relating to the past, and I just don't like doing that at all. That's like my bottom. But what's unique about our bottom is that's in our top of the other person. So my bottom are. Are in your. In your top.

His. His. His tops. And what he had in his tops was Lerner Achiever. You didn't have.

No, I didn't have. I didn't have an election. But. But three of your bottom two of your bottom three were my top two.

His top two, which I, when I, when I saw that, I. I think we both laughed at it. We both looked at each other with such like, oh, my God. Because, you know, his is learner and achiever.

Let me see that.

And I'm always the type of person that, you know, he'll be after me and he'll say to me, you know, well, do you. Let's put our vision board together, or let's put your vision board together. Let's.

Let's figure out, let's plan, let's do this the first, the next six months. And I'd be like, well, you know, you're not that.

It wasn't something futuristic's not that far off here. That's number 12 for you.

Yeah, but it's not the top 10. And here's the thing about. In this time in our lives, this is what we ranked, right? Maybe 10 years from now when we. We take it again. And I.

And I think people should. Should do this again. I. I want to make. I want to have this so that I can send it to.

Yeah, I did. I did mine. 10.

I want to send it to the children and say to them, I want you to do this. I want you to figure out a little bit about yourself.

Right.

You may already know some of these. Some of these things.

No, I think, I think. I think it'd be really good, especially since you're working with your, your youngest son, you know, helping with him with his book.

He's got to figure out his top.

10, I think, I think, I think it would be really good to find.

Out we're probably exactly alike. That's why.

Maybe, maybe not. Maybe he can see where he can focus on instead of trying to focus on those.

Maybe it would be really helpful for him to know who, who he needs to hire to help him with his weakness.

I think it's just. Yes, that, and that that's a good.

And, and I think that's a good way. Whether you're running a group, whether you're, whether you're managing people, whether you're. Have your own business.

What you need to do is you need to make sure that you hire people that can help complement you and can. If you're, if you're not doing.

And that's, and that's. But that's the case for a marriage. Right.

There were certain characteristics about him that I recognized that I was like, those are areas that he's really good in, and I'm not. And I'm okay with that.

Like, you didn't know why.

I didn't know why, but I also didn't have a desire to have to change that. I think the problem with you is sometimes is you push and push and push until I finally have to put the hand up and say, if you don't.

Yeah, I think right now I'm gonna have to kill you.

And, you know, but I didn't really realize that really, until we took this test together.

I think that, I think what I'm looking forward to is this next, next phase, this next stage is that now that I understand where you're good, your strengths are, and, and they're not mine at all. That, that I, I, I will stop bothering you about it and I'll just share it with you.

No, I'll just tell you, strategically, this is what we're doing, and you're either on board or you're not.

Correct. And if I'm not on board, I'll tell you I'm not on board and why I'm not on board or what I need more.

I will, I will adjust it in.

So, but that, that, for that, for. I think the two of us was, was very enlightening that his top were my bottom.

And but that was okay because there were still areas what we, we really blended really, really strong in and then realizing, you know what? You're really good at that. And it was funny because I had a conversation, I think it was back in Scottsdale.

We were with another couple for breakfast.

And I remember that at that breakfast I had said to her, I go, you know, I don't think that it's a bad thing that whatever your spouse is doing for you to be able to support them and not necessarily have to be competing with them. I think he has areas that he wants to go in.

And if it meant that I was simply a supportive mechanism to that, that's what I was, a supportive mechanism to it. And there's no shame in that in a relationship. I think nowadays people tend to want to have like, that same level of compensation drive.

And I'm like, yo, you know what? It's okay if he has the drive. It's okay if he's got that ambition. And I think if I want to.

Achieve, I, I, I struggled with that. Of, why don't you have that? Why don't you want to do that too? Why can't we do that together?

Because I turned around and said, I married the guy who has those aspects that I'm not really good at. So I'm not going to force myself or try to change.

Because nobody even, even doing something like coaching, I don't understand. Well, why wouldn't you want to do that too? You know? And it's just like, it's okay. But for a while, I really, we even tried it.

We had Coach Gregor.com, you know, and even though we were going to coach different things, you know, we thought we could do that. And so here we are.

Doing, doing one thing that we kind of figure we could do well together, and that's this podcast. Right. Are there things that I might venture into separately, potentially? Are there things that he's going to venture onto? Absolutely right.

Because his DNA is about achieving. His DNA is about, about learning different things, learning it and achieving and accomplish. Where I'm kind of sitting back saying,.

It's okay as long as you can help influence and communicate and relate and build relationships around it with me, that would be great because I struggle with that. I struggle at that.

That's the ying and the yang part of it. But, you know, I think, like I said, the good thing about it is that we recognized, I don't think we did this test.

Before it was achiever and learner. That flip flop I had futuristic is number three.

I have to go back and see what the other one, the other two, I'm Pretty sure responsibility was there but I don't think belief was something else was in its place. Okay. But yeah, so my, my top two just flip flopped in 10 years.

Yeah, I unfortunately I don't think I ever took this test before. So for me these were not. There were a highlight as to some extent certain things I already knew, but not so much what I already knew.

It's what I realized weren't my strengths at all and you know, learner.

Well, having, having it now for me having that now in black and white, it's really helped me understand. I mean I don't think we need to take these strengths don't mean everything but they're a good part, they're a good guide.

They're a good part to help you understand the other person.

Yeah.

And now that you know that it comes out and it's actually okay. She really doesn't want to achieve the, those type of things she doesn't care about necessarily. It's not that I don't want to achieve.

No, I mean I'm leaving that up to you.

Yeah. Yeah. Strategically thinking and putting things in a strategic way.

You're going to leave that up to me and I'm going to say okay, then I'll just bounce off when I'm all done strategizing your list.

Yeah, if you write the list and I look at the list, I'm good with the list and I tend to like see the list and say but then we want.

Then, then what's. Yeah, it's going to say then what we're good at. We'll take that list and we'll both execute on it.

But if you just don't want to me for the list, I'm going to.

Say I know my eyes up. I asked you recently for a list.

I was so like I really don't want.

But how did you get the list done?

Because I was driving and I had Claude mobile on my phone and it was a 45 minute drive.

So I just hit, I hit the button and I kept talking to Claude and as I talked to Claude, I gave him, I just spewed on to Claude and then I made him summarize. I made him do all the work and then I said, and then I said okay, Claude put it in a, like an email version or a text version bullet points.

And then I copied, pasted onto an email and sent it to him and said here you go, here's your freaking list.

Now I got the list. I know it was a lot of effort, so. So on that note, we should probably.

Edit this, but we won't.

So if we would really like it if you could help us get the message out.

We're trying. We want to get more followers. We want to get more people involved. We want to get more, you know, communication.

So share. Like leave a comment. Leave a comment and a review. If you could leave a review, that would be wonderful.

And Lisa, give us an idea. Are we on the right course or not?

Yep. So until next time.

Bye.

Bye.