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Hello and welcome. I'm your host, Joseph Devlin, and I want to talk about something that families often don't realize until they're standing in it, and that is what happens after your loved one stops using
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because here's the truth,
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stopping the substance isn't the finish line. It's the beginning of a very different kind of healing. Recovery isn't just about not drinking or not using drugs. It's about learning to live again, to feel again, to find meaning and purpose in a world that for a long time, felt unbearable without that substance.
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I want you to imagine
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this for a moment. You've been running on a broken leg for years, and one day, someone finally sets the bone, but the healing still hurts. You still have to learn to walk again, to trust that leg, to build strength where there's been weakness. That's what recovery is like for someone coming out of addiction, they're learning how to walk again in a world that once felt too painful to face and as family members, that means our role shifts too. Once the crisis calms down, we may feel a strange kind of emptiness because the chaos is gone, but so is the constant focus that gave us purpose. And we might think, Okay, now what? How do I support them now that the substance isn't in the picture, so let's get at it. All right, addiction has often been called a hopeless condition of mind and body, and for so many who recover, it's true, they come from a place of total hopelessness, where the substance became the only thing that seemed to work. It wasn't just the problem, it became the solution to the pain, the anxiety, the fear, the loneliness. So when your loved one stops using the question becomes, what takes the place of that solution? What fills that void. Because, make no mistake, that need for relief, for purpose, for connection, is still there. That's why supporting someone beyond sobriety means helping them build a life worth staying sober for a life filled with purpose, contribution and belonging. One of the most powerful shifts I've seen in people who sustain long term recovery is when they start helping others. That may mean sponsoring someone in a 12 step program, volunteering at a food bank, mentoring someone at work, or simply being of service around the house, mowing a neighbor's lawn, helping cook dinner, cleaning up after family meals. There's something about shifting from I need help to I can help that transforms a person's identity. It builds dignity. It replaces that shame with strength. I remember one family I work with, their son had been in active addiction for nearly a decade. When he finally entered recovery, his mom told me, I thought the hard part was over, but what I didn't realize was that I needed to stop treating him like he was still sick. He needed a role in our family again. So they started small. He began helping his dad repair things around the house, little projects at first, and eventually he started volunteering with a little a local youth
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group, teaching woodworking
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that became his purpose, and slowly, the family noticed something. Their conversation shifted. There was laughter again. There was trust being rebuilt, not just through words, but through doing life together.
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Let me tell you another. Story,
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a mom and a daughter I coached were both exhausted after years of living through addiction. The daughter had gotten sober, but was struggling. She was still anxious, restless, unsure of what to do with her time, and the mom was terrified of doing it wrong, of saying something that would push her daughter away. So together, they decided to volunteer once a week at an animal shelter, nothing big, just two hours on Saturdays, their plan was they'd go walk dogs, clean kennels and talk to the staff, that's it.
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And one day,
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the mom confided in me and said, for the first time in years, I wasn't thinking about her addiction. I was just spending time with my daughter. We were both giving back and we were both healing. That's the heart of this. Recovery is not just an individual journey, it's a family one, when we create opportunities to serve, to grow, to rebuild purpose together, we're not only supporting our loved one, we're helping ourselves heal too. So let's talk practicality. How do we do this as families? When addiction ends, the family has a type of blank slate, but that can feel very scary. For years, everything revolved around the problem. Now you get to decide what your home stands for. Maybe it's faith, maybe it's service, maybe it's creativity or health or community. The point is you get to rebuild intentionally.
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Start asking questions like,
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what do we want our home to feel like?
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Then how can we each contribute to that feeling, and what does it mean for us to be a family in recovery, not just a family with someone in recovery. And as you ask these questions, don't rush the answers. Let them unfold naturally before we close today, I want to leave you with three prompts, simple but powerful exercises you can use as a family this week.
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First, take
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15 minutes together and make a list titled What brings us peace. These things that bring you peace could be as small as morning, coffee, prayer, cooking, dinner together, sitting quietly on the porch. Talk about which of these things you can do more often together Next, find one small act of service you can do as a family this week, something that helps someone outside your home. It could be bringing a meal to a neighbor, donating clothes, maybe even bringing up your neighbor's garbage cans or writing a thank you note to someone who's helped you. Last ask your loved one, what gives you a sense of purpose right now?
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Then really listen.
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Maybe it's helping others. Maybe it's creating something. Maybe it's simply showing up to meetings or even dinner. Whatever it is, find one way
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to support that purpose together.
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These aren't solutions. They're starting
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points. They open the door to connection, meaning and shared healing. So today, we've talked about how recovery doesn't end when the substance use stops. In many ways, that's when the deeper work begins, learning how to live, how to connect and how to help others as families, we go to walk alongside our loved ones in that process, not by fixing them. But but by building with them, we can remind them that they're not broken, they're becoming whole, and we can remind ourselves of that too. Hey, I know we covered a lot today, stories, ideas, things to explore, and maybe you're feeling both hopeful and unsure where to start, that's okay. These are just the first steps, and every family's journey looks a little different. If you'd like to explore how to apply this more personally, I'd love to connect with you. You can reach out to me. I'd be honored to walk alongside you and your family as you build your version of healing and hope. Thanks for listening today, and take care of yourselves and take care of each other, because, remember, sobriety is a family affair.
