Join host Tessa Lynne Alburn and guest expert in the field of the subconscious and plant medicine, Amanda Elo’Esh. Amanda delves into the topic of codependency, shedding light on how it manifested in her life. She reflects on being groomed from a young age to prioritize others' needs over her own, navigating familial expectations and societal pressures. Amanda shares her journey of recognizing and breaking free from codependent patterns, emphasizing the importance of self-awareness and reclaiming personal sovereignty.  She offers insights into how codependency can impact relationships and hinder personal growth and urges listeners to cultivate self-love and authenticity.

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Check it Out!

• Unravel codependency: distinguishing between societal expectations and personal empowerment

• Amanda’s transition into elderhood, and the importance of life experience to accrue wisdom

• The impact of familial conditioning on self-worth and the setbacks that brings

• Reclaiming personal sovereignty

• Keep releasing limiting beliefs and societal conditioning, and distinguish between external pressures and inner truth

• To truly be empowered, begin to honor your sacred gift of life and embrace your inherent worth

About Amanda Elo’Esh

Amanda is the Founder of the Living Wisdom Church & San Francisco's Leading Purpose & Prosperity Mentor - Creating dogma-free, safe & sacred gatherings for our diverse community to learn, heal, & grow together. 

Successful spiritual seekers work with Amanda to heal childhood trauma, religious trauma, Depression, Anxiety, PTSD, and connect with their unique spiritual path, which helps them to live a deeply satisfying, purpose-led life. Amanda is also an author and is celebrating her second book publication, Elevationship: Replace Conflict with Greater Intimacy.

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Connect with Amanda, and receive her Free e-gift by going to https://livingwisdomchurch.org/elevationship/ 

You’ll receive an e-version of her book! 

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https://livingwisdomchurch.org/home/

Amanda’s Book

If you’d prefer a paperback version of Amanda’s book, Elevationship: Replace Conflict with Greater Intimacy, here’s the link:

https://www.amazon.com/Elevationship-Replace-Conflict-Greater-Intimacy/dp/B0CKHXNHDT

* About the Host * 

Tessa Lynne Alburn is a soul connection business coach, author, podcast host and explorer. Tessa believes that every woman has the ability to learn to express their true voice, be heard, and fulfill their dreams.

Her mission is to help women entrepreneurs bring their ideas and authentic feminine voices into the world, so they make a real difference and receive compensation that reflects their brilliance!

Tessa’s Free Gift: Get access to Tessa's Roadmap to a Soul-Connected Business and Say YES to Your Soul! http://www.tessafreegift.com/ 

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May You Say YES to Your Soul.

Hi there. My name is Tessa Lynne Alburn, welcome to Say Yes to Your Soul. This is where we're gonna talk about how you can get past your spiritual plateaus, raise your feminine energy, and express your true self with sparkle. Hello there.

Today our guest is a woman with a lot of presence, grace, and power. Her name is Amanda Elo'Esh. Amanda is the founder and president of a dogma free sacred entheogenic, living Wisdom nonprofit. She's been receiving visions and guidance for these very powerful times of uncertainty and transformation For more than 40 years, she's had a very unique life and studied and trained with world class teachers, healers, indigenous wisdom keepers for more than 20 years. And she's done academic studies as well in psychology and personal development. As a spiritual success mentor, Amanda helps you clear subconscious blocks and activate your spiritual gifts. She utilizes re-patterning sacred feminine archetypes and plant medicine ceremonies, and she's also celebrating the recent publication of her second book entitled Elevation Ship. I'd love to give her a warm welcome. Welcome, Amanda, to say yes to your soul.

Thank you, Tessa. Thanks for having me here today.

You're so welcome. And you know, we've been getting to know each other over the last few months or so, and some of the things that are seeming to want to come forward today are probably around the unraveling codependency. So this concept of caretaking and sacrificing as a woman, you know, sacrificing oneself for others. And I'd really love for you to go ahead and connect with our listeners today as you bring them into your world.

Beautiful. Well, what I have found is that even though my life journey is unique, as as everybody's, I find that there are certain experiences, lessons, feelings, that, um, we can all relate to the heroines journey, which is a bit different than the hero's journey. Um, and I'll, I'll start by where I am right now, and today is my birthday, . Woohoo. And I, I've had the, the honor of working with a couple of different Mayan shamans and then another teacher who studied, uh, Mayan, uh, cosmology, the Cosmovision. And in the Mayan tradition, when you turn 52 is when you can step into elderhood. And like up until that point, you're busy learning and doing and raising and, you know, doing all the practical things. And at 52, you step in as a wisdom keeper. If, if, if that's your calling. It doesn't just auto, it's not automatically given, but it's, it's the gateway.

And I, I had let go of practicing my in shamanism, uh, actively, although it's definitely woven into my consciousness, indigenous wisdom's woven in, uh, many different lineages of, uh, shamanic and indigenous healing practices perspectives. I had let it all go. And so I hadn't really thought to give it the, the ceremony and then in a ceremony for somebody else, a private retreat. It came in, a powerful initiation came in and, and I was given guidance to, to do this rebirthing. And so that's just what I, I did yesterday with some dear friends in, into the wee hours of this morning. And it's just been a profound experience. I feel incredibly grateful for my life. I I know that source is with me and guiding me and available in every moment. And I wake up each day grateful to be alive and knowing how to connect and get the answers that I need.

And I feel a sense of my own divinity and power on a level that I never conceived possible as a human being. When I was a child, I before the, the traumas of being a human, which I can talk about in a minute, which we've all, we all experienced if we're in a human body, um, before it had taken its toll on my belief and connection with my own source self, my own infinite power. Um, I had profound visions and, uh, samati, I, I was raised Mormon, so that vernacular wasn't, I didn't have that vocabulary or even concept, but it was happening directly when I would tune into God or infinity and, uh, just ponder or just allow my myself to connect, uh, a natural way. And so I've had that connection throughout my life. And then I've also experienced the human reality of being raised as a female by a mom who was born and raised during the depression in Southern Utah.

And not really knowing her self-worth, not really seeing the true power that she held, not seeing her gifts, and, uh, not really. And she had her own traumas, uh, that impacted cer, you know, activated survival and scarcity programming and doing all of her magical, amazing mother, uh, loving me and raising me and four other children who are significantly older than me, uh, still passed on a significant amount of, of those survival programs and conditioning and limiting beliefs. And some of those are that I need to take care of everybody else. And that taking care of myself was selfish and that I needed to be just like Jesus Oh my goodness. Uh, needed to be just like Jesus and take care of Yeah, heal everybody, heal the sick, and feed the hungry, and, uh, shelter the homeless. And, you know, and I, and I am a, I'm a powerful woman, and I, I am a powerful manifesto, and I accomplished a lot and did a lot.

And, you know, was got a lot of accolades. And fortunately, given a, an amazing, surprisingly amazing education for growing up in the public education system, I was seen as gifted and some of my gifts were cultivated. But then our human life, the, the tragedy and trauma that we experience is that it's full of a lot of trauma and survival and scarcity and systems of oppression that started thousands of years ago with dominating empires that created systems of control that would continue to operate in the consciousness of everyone and all of their descendants. That's why they were created. It's, it's actually not a, a conspiracy theory. You can just read. I mean, you can read about it. It's, it's pretty, the Romans created these systems, uh, school systems and governmental to create control over the people that they conquered. And we've adopted all of them, uh, and, and our, our divine self that is limitless and innately connected with source.

And all beings is traumatized when it's told by the people who came before us, our caretakers, our teachers, people in authority who passed down usually with a hundred percent good intentions and full belief, like these limiting beliefs and these scarcity programs and survival programs. Like this is just what you have to do to survive. And it's traumatizing because it's not real, and we know it in our soul, but there's pain and suffering, involved, uh, whether we follow it or don't. And, and I believe that we're on this human journey to, especially right now, this is a great time of awakening, uh, and the, the awakening's been happening and it's, it's continuing. And, um, it's time for us to really let go of these old systems, which are, you're not good enough. You can't take care of yourself. You're selfish. If you're taking care of your life, you are, um, not gonna make it if you actually listen to what your inner truth tells you to do, if it's a, goes against what other people's expectations of you are or what authorities say you should be thinking and doing and buying and following. Uh...

Amanda, yes. I'd like to just pause here. It, it's such a, I I love what you're bringing here and I mean, you've done so much work, right. And who you are today just doesn't reflect that old stuff very often.

Yeah.

And just to, if you can give an example of like one of the oppressions that was, that really had a hold on you as a young girl and how that impacted you.

Well, I became a caretaker for my mom and everybody else. I was groomed to be aware of everybody else's needs and to, to be able to show up in profound, you know, ways as a leader, uh, you know, making sure that, you know, I was, I was the person that, you know, oh, we didn't, we didn't, uh, prepare for this. And we don't know things are falling apart. Like, I, I feel like I, I would step in. I just stepped in as a leader.

At what age did that start?

Um, when I was in elementary school, uh, I was in this gifted program that I mentioned. Mm-Hmm. . And, uh, I remember being in fourth grade and the teacher, I don't even remember how it got started, but I would read to the class in, I read to the class starting in fourth grade, and by fifth grade I was giving spelling tests, . Oh, yes. I was just seen as a little adult because I, I was, I was physically very mature and tall, and why, you know, I just looked like an elder, I guess, from, from a very young age. And people just treated me that way, and I was groomed to be that way. So it just, uh, so you

Weren't allowed to be a child along with everybody else at your current age?

Yeah, in a lot of ways. I mean, unless I was by myself. So I learned to be a lone wolf, you know? Mm-Hmm. . Like, I could go into the magic if I was on my own, I would step into the fairy realms and play with the elves and the unicorns and, and go into my magic world. But that's one thing that I realized was that I had all these profound, multidimensional experiences, but they did, I didn't see how they fit into three dimensional reality. And so I, I, I realized like, oh, I have to, I have to learn how to be a third dimensional human. And so I did my best to,

Okay. Wait a second. Like, when you were young, what were you starting to think, you know, at age 10, 12, 14, were you like, I gotta be more human, like I'm doing okay in my fantasy world or my dream world, or how did you really think, you know, what were your thoughts and how did you talk yourself through it?

Well, um, I know I, I don't know how long, how far back it goes except that I, I have a memory around the age of eight, which in the Mormon church is when you get baptized . Mm-Hmm. . And you're given the gift of the Holy Ghost. So your intuition, and it was kind of like, I've, I've already had this, like, I've already been

Tuning into this greater, what seems like God, you know, infinite infinity. And I would have these profound, ecstatic, I couldn't even wrap a thought around it because it was, it was the infinite. And then when I would be, you know, trying to wrap a thought around it would boot me out, back into third dimensional, you know, 8-year-old or whatever age consciousness. And I realized like, oh, that's, that's what my, that's what my spirit is doing and has access to all the time. I'm in a human body right now. And it's, it's finite. It's not infinite. And I'm here to, it's like a game. Like I'm here to learn things. I'm here to share things. I've got gifts, I've got challenges, um, and I need to just figure out how to be a human. And so then I got really good at like, I'm gonna do the human thing really good and be a, a good obedient person.

So I got really good at school and gr good grades and, but the, and, and trying to follow the rules as best I could, but there's this wild, holy, wild part of me that doesn't conform to these systems of oppression because the systems of oppression are made to disconnect us from that. And that part, there was that part of me that was still alive. And so the natural questions of like, why, why are you treating the girls differently than the boys? Mm-Hmm, , this doesn't seem fair. Why? You know, why are, why are you behaving this way? Why are you, why did I hear this about, uh, God and in this class, but now this plays this other class, it's different. And why do people of color get treated different? You know, all these different, why are you, why is this happening?

Why is this happening? Why are these rules not making any sense?

Exactly. But you

Were like a young disruptor.

Yeah, but I didn't, the funny thing is that I wanted to be good. I wanted to do the human thing. I wanted to be a good little human, but my natural passionate questions about trying to understand it all really riled people up, because Yeah, bet the questions pointed out inconsistencies and hypocrisies and got me labeled as a troublemaker. And so it was, that was also very confusing. 'cause it was like, but I, I think I'm a good person. I am really just trying to learn how to do this. And so, you know, I went through my own journey of trauma and feeling abandoned and feeling dropped and, uh, longing for spirit and realizing finally, you know, over the many bumps and bruises, like, this human life is a sacred gift. You know?

How how did you get to that Amanda? Like, you know, your young consciousness, how did you know that, how did it reveal itself to you?

It, I mean, it was, again, the heroine's journey. I mean, I, I had this entangled relationship with my magical mom and very codependent. And I had, I just, she went through a, a mental health crisis about the time that I was 10. And, and she couldn't show up in the loving way, you know, for me that I, that, you know, I'm sure she wanted to, but, uh, wasn't able to. And I interpreted that as I'm not worthy of being alive, you know, and it was already hard enough, and it was like, screw this. I'm just gonna check out. I'm gonna go back to that divine place. And I, I mean, they were really bad attempts. They were very ignorant, ignorant attempts that didn't really particularly do any real damage. But I, you know, I was serious about wanting to take my life at a very young age.

And many times, you know, this disease of thinking that I'm worthless, thinking that I'm not good enough, thinking that I have to be perfect just to be accepted, um, kept me on a driving path again, of trying to be perfect and then continuing to rock the boat and stir things up and like, wow, I didn't mean to do that. I'm trying to be good, but I have all these questions and none of this make sense. And, uh, so it, you know, it what I would say, you know, a big turning point, and I have to just say, this is a, a trigger warning about, about a suicide in my life. Um, I was married at the time, very, very young. I got married very young,

Like in your teens.

I was 19. And in college, honors program, working full-time, doing all the things I was, was like, everything has to be perfect. I'm, you know, supporting myself, paying for my college honors program, cum laude, you know, all the things. And a year into my marriage, my husband's father killed himself in a very violent way. Hmm. And, and it triggered a lot of things. It triggered, I had become disconnected from my, my family. I had, uh, falling out with my mom, which needed to happen for me to claim my sovereignty and, uh, myself. Um, it was rough, um, but necessary. And I realized that death helped me to realize that, that despite religious or political or dietary or whatever belief systems, that life is sacred. And, and there are a lot of surface little level things that keep people from really connecting. And I just decided, I, I'm gonna, I'm gonna be as authentic.

I'm gonna learn how to be authentic, and I'm gonna learn how to show up with other people in my authenticity and the awkwardness and, and starting with my family. And it was really hard because their identity was so hardwired with, um, their religious beliefs. Yes. And, uh, and I almost didn't know, like, who am I if I'm not this, you know, part of this religion? Because it was so, it provided everything. You know, this is how you do your family. This is how you do your life. This is how you do everything. And I got to learn it on my own. And fortunately, I'm blessed with, uh, having a mom. My dad kind of just followed suit. Um, but both of them ended up ultimately seeing the love. They knew that I had gifts. They didn't know what level. 'cause I didn't know how to talk about it.

I didn't know how to share it. Um, I didn't think that anybody could possibly understand me. And it was ineffable anyway, so I just didn't bother. I just kind of like disconnected it and was like, well, that's for me when I'm in my alone time. . Mm-Hmm. . Um, but, uh, we, we, I, I, that's, you know, why I went into studying psychology was so that I could understand the human mind and understand, uh, you know, how do I, how do I bring this awareness of, of the, of the multidimensional layers that were, that are operating all the time? How do I bridge that for myself and how do I share that with other people? And so that was my life pursuit educationally, my own spiritual practices, my own curiosities, my own research, my own academic pursuits, and then into working with indigenous healers and wisdom keepers.

And from, from many different traditions, but mostly in the Americas, north America and Central Am America and South America. Mm-Hmm. and waking up and also working with plant medicine. Plants are rooted, plants are literally rooted and interconnected with all things. They are fully aware of the interconnection of the elements and the, the animals and the, and the soil and everything. And the master plants, the entheogenic plants, which entheogen means generating God within it's awakening and helping us to remember our divine source. Uh, that's what these plants do. Um, in working with them and in the other studies and the, help me to remember these divine connections I was having as a child, and starting to see all of the programming and the systems of oppression that had gotten in the way that I had bought into that we all kinda thought we had to buy into to survive.

Yes. Started realizing, oh, none of that's true. What actually is giving me life isn't a government. What's actually giving me life isn't a job. What's actually giving me life isn't any manmade thing. Hmm. What's actually giving me life is source. It is life force energy that is flowing through everything. It's in the earth, it's in the plants, it's in the elements. And choosing to take the enormous leap of faith, to let go of the survival programming, the scarcity programming, all of these limited conditioned beliefs. I've gotta do this, I've gotta do that. I've gotta get with this system, I gotta make this many Instagram posts this time like this to get the followers, to do that, to actually honor. Like, I'm gonna, I'm gonna cultivate my relationship, what's directly giving me life, which is source, and that is meditating, that is honoring treating my body.

My body is a temple. My body is, that's one of the Mormon beliefs that I'm so grateful that that has stuck with me. My body is a sacred temple. Not that they do it the way that I do. They do, they have different ideas about that. But my body is a sacred temple for my infinite divine spirit that is a part of source choosing to embody as me. It's this sacred union of material and spirit. And yes, I'm doing this dance, and I am trusting more and more to spend an hour at my altar to guide how I'm gonna do my day instead of that influencer that's got a course that says, you do it this way. Um, I sit at my altar and I listen, and I'm getting better and better, and I have miles to go. Uh, that was my ceremony last night.

I was like, oh, I'm gonna celebrate. It's gonna be great . And it was great. And it was perfect. And it was showing me, you still have a hard time listening and trusting. You're still trying to manage, you're still trying to take care of everybody else. You're tr still trying to, you know, approve that you're worthy by what you're producing and how you make others feel about you. And yes, service is the, the reason that you're here. But coming from a place of source guided, uh, behavior is the key. And, um, a word that came in, uh, a while ago, and it resurfaced and I'm really owning it, is I am a source Hess. And I believe that's where that word comes from, source. Ariss. I am a source ariss, and I'm here on this planet to help all those who have an inkling that that could be their reality.

Yes, it is absolutely your reality, and I'm a midwife for that to help you birth through it. I've gone through a lot of rough , rough entries into, you know, different dimensions and reentry back into this human reality through the shamanic journeys, through the medicine journeys, through the just the life journeys. And I know that I am, I am here to, to be of service, to help make the healing and the transformation out of those systems of oppression, out of the, that are, you know, trauma inducing. And then the trauma perpetuates it to help heal up that trauma with grace, with compassion, with loving kindness, so that we can all truly remember that we are children of source, whether it's God, goddess, the universe, the higher organizing principles that are without, uh, anthropomorphic form, uh, however you may see it, it's a piece of it. And it's not the whole thing. , however we see source, God, goddess, all of it. I say everything that's greater than me that wishes me well, there's no way in a human brain we can wrap our mind around what it is that is giving us life. So you're, you're, we're, we're all accurate and we're all not getting the, nearly the whole,

Well, maybe that's what the other 90% of our unused brains

absolutely is, are

Meant to do.

And the whole universe, all the Akashic records, and the whole universe is going in on inside there. And we used to have, our ancestors used to have access to that. It's these traumas and systems of oppression that have, uh, literally the English language disconnects us from the connectedness. There's a you and there's a me and there's, there's, um, uh, domination written into how we speak. The English language has written into it a lot of domination that we are not even aware of because we organize our thoughts, all of us who speak English as a primary language anyway. Mm-Hmm. , uh, my friend, dear New spirit sister, she's Japanese, and she was like, it was very shocking to come to America and hear the you and me. We don't have that in Japanese. Mm. And, uh, that many of my indigenous teachers, uh, one Martine Preto, talked about the how important it is to learn other languages and to, um, recognize that just the way that we organize our thoughts to express ourselves with English is innately disconnected from source.

One thing that came through, I mean, there's, there I can go, go into mystical sound seed syllables and the vibrations of the holy singing us into reality. And, but , that's a, that's a podcast. That's another wholly different podcast. But one thing that came in over this past week of, of being in a rebirth for myself is, um, is that talking, when we talk, it only really works one voice at a time. But when we sing, we can weave in a lot of different harmonies and liter. I'm not talking metaphorically. I'm literally like, singing helps get us into the other part of our brain that gives us a greater access to source wisdom, our imagination, our creativity. That's the part of us that is infinite.

Oh, I love that.

It's like helping us get into oneness. Yes, exactly. That's your sacred portal. That's your sacred portal,

Amanda, I know we could keep going here, but I wanna make sure that everyone knows how to get in touch with you. And you also have a free gift for them

I do. And I didn't really talk much about it. That's, um, but, but it's all kind of wrapped up in it. I wrote a book called Elevation, uh, and the subtitle is Replace Conflict with Greater Intimacy. And it, it shares how to, um, instead of avoid conflict in a relationship, to recognize that the conflict is opportunities for healing trauma and how to attend to it in a way that liberates yourself from that trauma and gets you out of the repeat arguments and, uh, the weird warpy hall of mirrors where you're both accusing each other of the same thing.

Yes, yes. Um, there are, there's a personal trigger breakthrough guide so that you can use it anytime you're triggered, not just in like a, a partnership, but any kind of relationship or any kind of life circumstance. It's very valuable. And, uh, I just published it on, in, on Amazon and on Audible, which I'm really excited about, but you can get it for free, um, by going to my nonprofit website, living wisdom church.org/elevation ship, and it's elevation ship, all one word, like relationship elevated, and you just scroll down a little bit, click on the button, it'll ask for your email and your name, and then look in your inbox for an auto response. That will give you a link to your free e-copy, including those guides that I mentioned.

Well, thank you. I really love that you're giving that as a free gift. It sounds amazing, and I'm gonna check it out for sure. I wanna thank you for being here today, Amanda.

Thank you. I, I'm surprised I wasn't totally delirious after three hours of rebirthing myself, but it seemed perfect because that's what I'm unraveling for myself, the hardwired, taking care of other people and remembering my life is a sacred gift, my primary mission.

I love that life is a sacred gift each of our lives. Yes, Amanda, thank you so much for being here today and being in the sacred space and just letting it flow and for sharing all these various facets of yourself. I really appreciate you.

Thank you. Thank you for inviting me.

Mm-Hmm, . Alright ladies I'd love to see you again next week. May you let go of codependency. May you listen to your soul, may you value your life more and more every single day. Bye-Bye for now.