Still married — but are you actually still in it?

In this companion game episode of The Iconic Midlife, we take the conversation around “quietly quitting” out of theory and into real life.

Joined by journalist Monica Corcoran Harel and style influencer Melissa Chataigne, we play a rapid-fire game designed to test the line between emotional disengagement and active commitment in long-term relationships.

I read a series of scenarios many women will instantly recognize — and for each one, we ask:

Is this quietly quitting… or are you still in it?

No advice.

No judgment.

Just honest reactions, surprising admissions, and moments that hit uncomfortably close to home.

We cover scenarios like:

• Sleeping in separate beds without ever discussing it

• Stopping complaints because nothing changes

• Feeling single in your own mind

• Lowering expectations to avoid disappointment

• Protecting your finances “just in case”

• Redirecting emotional energy outside the marriage

This episode isn’t about telling anyone what to do — it’s about recognizing where you are.

If the full interview made you think, this game will make you feel.

🎯 This episode pairs with:

Why Women Are Quietly Quitting Their Marriages

Listen to both for the full picture.

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You know, everyone talks about 401ks and investing in your future. I'm like, you need a friend, 401k, not just your husband.

Hobbies and friendships are very important.

Yeah. I didn't know that you wanted me to call you. I didn't know that you needed my support. So. Saying what you need.

Yeah. It doesn't have to be a guessing game then.

Or you can open up your marriage. You know, a lot of people are.

Doing that, but I personally don't like to share my toys. I'm a super scorpio.

Me too.

I will have someone else, but I don't want to share you. I'm with you.

Okay. Welcome back, everybody. So excited. We have Melissa and Monica joining us for their special bonus game episode. It's going to be fun.

Nervous.

Here we go. So this is going to be super fun, this game, and it's going to be called quietly quitting or still in it.

So basically, I'm going to read off a few scenarios and you just say whatever comes to mind. Um, is it quietly quitting or are they still in it?

Okay.

Okay.

So the first one, you stop sleeping in the same bed. But neither of you ever talks about why.

Quietly quitting. Quietly quitting.

For sure you're quietly quitting.

So without talking about it. Right.

That's problem.

What about lulls in intimacy? How do you know if that's quietly quitting or if it's just, you know, maybe it's like a dry spell that you're kind of going through.

I think it depends on your relationship. If you guys are used to having sex three, four nights a week, and then it goes down to0 for four months. Someone's sitting on someone else's face.

I will say that. But it all depends on your, you know, your intimacy. Um, but you can go through lulls if you're busy, you're tired. I think it's.

If you don't talk about it, then it becomes weird.

And it also depends on the quality of if you're not coming or he's not coming, someone's coming somewhere else, and then that's where you know it's a low.

Yeah, I think, you know, you can talk about a lack of intimacy. Talk about how maybe you're in a sexual rut.

But if you don't talk about it, let's say you're watching a movie and there's a sex scene and you both freeze up because you feel weird about it. You shouldn't say, oh, that looks good. Maybe we should try that. Or Acknowledge that we haven't done that in a while. What's going on?

Why aren't we having sex? I mean, start a conversation around it.

It's all about the communication. True.

Yeah.

Communication. Okay, next scenario. You fantasize about being single again, not because you want to date, but because you miss who you used to be.

Oh, still in it.

Still in it.

Oh, natural.

Yeah. Because you're just thinking about it, but you're not taking any action like who it used to be.

That.

That's more about you. That's not about your partner.

I agree.

You've emotionally stopped complaining because you already know nothing will change.

Quietly quitting.

Quietly quitting for sure.

Okay.

If you stop talking, if you stop communicating, you are quietly quitting.

Yeah. Operative word, be quiet.

Yes.

Okay. You love your husband but no longer desire him and you're not sure you ever will again.

I think it depends. Honestly. You can. I mean, I could still have sex with my husband and fantasize about someone.

Else, or you can open up your marriage.

You know, a lot of people are doing that, staying together and either bringing in a new partner for each person or bringing in a new partner for both of you to share. I mean, there are a lot of options out there. So polyamory is growing.

It is.

Again, I think it comes back to not being quiet, talking about it. Your partner might feel the same way. So there's a delicate way of approaching that and not saying, I don't think I will ever desire you again.

But maybe it's like, how can we enhance what we have? How can we mix it up? How can we bring more excitement to our intimacy? So that could go either way. I agree with Melissa.

I think it depends. But I personally don't like to share my toys. I'm a super Scorpio, so what's mine is mine.

I will have someone else, But I don't want to share you while I'm in bed with you.

Yeah.

I would imagine there would have to be a lot of non jealousy and a lot of communication. Right?

Right.

Yeah. You invest more emotionally in your female friendships than in your marriage. Quietly quitting or still in it?

Still in it.

I think, you know, everyone talks about 401ks and investing in your future and having money saved. I'm like, you need a friend, 401k, not just your husband.

And I've been wanting to write an article about this because my mom, when she was 84, had no friends. I wrote an article called my mom has no friends, which also went viral. And I Ended up developing into a sitcom, which was a lot of fun.

But the point is, she had enough money. She just didn't have anyone to share it with. She didn't have anywhere to spend it.

So I think female friendships, any friendships are so important, and you're probably going to outlive your husband, as women do if your partner's male. So those female friendships, they're the ones that are to help you when you're trying to decide whether to stay or go, too.

Yeah, Definitely those female friendships. I will say, though, my father has outlived my mother. He has a ton of money, no friends, nowhere to go.

So having hobbies and friendships are very important.

Yeah.

Yes. And perhaps having a retirement plan a la Golden Girls. Not such a bad idea. Right? Live with your besties.

You know, I'm about communal living.

You've quietly started protecting your money, just in case. Quietly quitting or still in it?

Quitting.

Quietly quitting. Quietly quitting.

If you're not talking about your finances with your partner and you're making arrangements outside of the marriage, that is quietly quitting.

I agree.

But it's also a good thing to do to protect yourself. Yeah.

You lower your expectations so you can lower your disappointment.

Quietly quitting.

I kind of feel like still in it, to be honest with you, because I feel like sometimes you lower expectations. Not saying it's healthy, but just to. Just to deal and find some. Find some common ground. Like to make concessions for your partner.

I found myself making concessions, and I wasn't even consciously aware I was doing it because I was trying to make.

It work for me.

I think it's being really clear about what your expectations are so that the other person makes a conscious decision about whether or not to meet them. Because a lot of times people don't know. We find this a lot in friendships. I didn't know that you wanted me to call you.

I didn't know that you needed my support. So I think just saying what you need, then you don't have to rejigger your expectations because they're out there.

And you can say to the person, you didn't meet them and I told.

You what they were.

Yeah. It doesn't have to be a guessing game, you know, you think, I don't want to blow up my life. I just want my life to feel like mine again.

I'll still win it. Because it's all about the contemplation. There's no action that's been made. But. Yeah, but that tells me that something's not right.

And you need to break down what that is and pinpoint where that ick feeling or originates.

Who's winning, Melissa or me? I think we're all so aligned. I know it better be a good prize.

Dick.

I hate to say that.

I'm like, it's a tie. Okay, last one. You're still married, but in your mind, you already feel single.

Oh, that's definitely quietly quitting for me.

Yeah.

Well, thank you so much, you guys, for playing this game. It was so fun. And everybody listening.

Go back to Tuesday's full episode, because you're going to want to hear all about quietly quitting your husbands. What that looks like, what that means, what it means for women in midlife. We touched all so many amazing points.

And you'll see exactly why this article went viral, because it is something we should be talking about. And I just want to thank my guests. They're amazing. Thank you so much, Monica and Melissa.

This has been so great, and can't wait to see what's next for you guys.

Thank you.

Thank you for all that you're doing. Roxy, this is amazing.

Yeah.

Thank you. Thank you so much. Now, you guys are amazing. I'm so grateful to have amazing guests like you guys.

And I think we should be talking about these things right and left, 100%.

And more sex.

Yes.

More sex, more dicks. All of it.