In this episode Sarah explores the nuanced concept of “safe spaces,” emphasising that safety is subjective and cannot be universally defined. While a space may be labeled as safe, it does not guarantee safety for everyone. FACT!
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Transcripts
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Hello, darling heart, and welcome to this episode of the drink less, live better podcast.
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This is the podcast that helps you to see that drinking less doesn't need to be stressful, lonely, or boring.
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I'm your host, Sarah Williamson, and I decided to have a year alcohol free as a little life experiment and haven't looked back.
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I'm a best selling author, expert speaker, corporate workshop facilitator, and life coach.
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I'm here to support you with your alcohol free or drink less adventures.
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Follow me on Instagram at drink less, live better.
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Find resources on my website, drink less, live better.com, and buy my book, drink less, live better.
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It's available in all the places you might buy a book.
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I hope you enjoy this podcast episode. Let's get straight to it.
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This is a safe space, or is it?
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Dear listener, lend me your ear while I take a moment to add some nuance to a conversation I'm hearing and allow me to say
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that not enough voices are contributing from this angle.
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The conversation topic, and in particular the line I'm hearing and seeing, is this is a safe space. I have thoughts. I'll start by saying this.
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No one gets to tell me that something they have curated or created is safe or not for me. It might be safe for them.
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It might be safe for some people they know, but I will always be the judge of the places I find to be safe or not.
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Just because somebody labels a place a safe space does not mean it is a safe space.
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To begin, let's clarify what we mean by a safe space.
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Ah, you see, we've run into a problem already because we, that's you and me, cannot define a safe space for both of us.
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I can't define it for you, you can't define it for me, Your needs are going to be different from mine. Okay.
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So let's talk about a fantasy safe space for a moment then.
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A safe space is not only about physical safety, although that is crucial.
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We're talking about an environment where people feel emotionally secure, respected, and free from judgement.
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I think we can probably agree that it's a place where someone can let their guard down and begin to process their experiences
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and emotions without fearing ridicule or dismissal.
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For those who've experienced trauma, the world can feel like a minefield and physical and emotional safety might not be easy to find.
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Everyday situations and circumstances might activate painful memories or overwhelming emotions, and that's a reason why someone
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finding a safe space is so important.
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Safe spaces provide a respite from that constant state of alertness and allow for genuine relaxation and reflection, a moment to find calm away from chaos.
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How can we possibly go about creating these sanctuaries of stability then?
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It certainly involves setting clear boundaries and expectations.
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If we are talking about a group setting, all parties involved need to understand and agree on the rules of engagement.
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This might include confidentiality agreements agreements, respect for personal space, and a zero tolerance policy for discriminatory language or behaviour.
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In a one to one setting, these are important expectations too. Of course, communication is key.
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We can encourage open and honest dialogue, but also respect when someone isn't ready to share.
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It's perhaps about finding that delicate balance between providing support and not always pushing too hard. Trust. Trust is so important.
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We cannot invite someone into a conversation and expect instant connection.
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I recently told my therapist a story that has taken me 18 months to get round to saying out loud.
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I've trusted her for a really long time, but it's a story I've kept to myself for many, many years, and I've been building
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up to telling her for a while.
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It does feel better to have said it out loud now, but I couldn't have said it out loud with her a year ago. Physical environment plays a role too.
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We can talk about soft lighting, comfortable seating, candles, and calming colours, but so often the safe spaces we're talking
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about today are online, be that a zoom room, a Facebook group, or any other type of online community.
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Group leaders or facilitators can never be in control of the group dynamic and how people respond or react to each other.
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That would be a cult, and I think we're all agreed that cults aren't to be described as safe spaces.
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Beware the offer to say whatever you want as not everyone might behave in a way that you find safe if you do say whatever you want.
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Sometimes whatever you want comes with rules that you didn't get to see or didn't understand.
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Sometimes these so called safe spaces are built to discuss potentially upsetting or unsettling topics on purpose, and yet
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not everyone is given the heads up and so they can't prepare themselves or opt out when they might need to.
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Consistency is your friend when looking for or building security and stability.
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People who have experienced trauma enjoy predictability.
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They enjoy knowing what they're going to get and how it's going to be delivered.
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Don't underestimate the power of small gestures.
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Acknowledging someone's presence or pain can go a long way in making someone see feel seen and valued.
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Remembering someone's preferences or simply listening to the truth of what they have to contribute is a powerful and meaningful way of going in the world.
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I recognize that cultivating a safe space isn't a one time task. It's an ongoing process.
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I'm prepared to adapt and evolve based on the needs of who I'm supporting.
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What feels safe one day might not the next, and that's okay. In fact, it's to be expected.
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It's not just creating a physical space, but an emotional one too.
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I encourage practices that promote inner safety, mindfulness exercises and or grounding techniques.
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Another really important point is the safety and security of the leader, host or coach. What training have they had? What accreditations do they hold?
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What code of ethics do they abide by?
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What professional bodies are they members of?
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Are they having therapy to look after themselves?
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And what professional supervision are they having? These are important questions.
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Cultivating safe spaces is as much about unlearning as it is about learning.
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Many of us have internalised harmful beliefs around trauma, mental well-being, and what it means to be strong.
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Part of creating a safe space is challenging these notions and developing an environment of genuine acceptance.
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In this safe space, well, the Drink Less, Live Better podcast is a monologue and not a dialogue, so I'm afraid maybe this isn't a safe space.
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But is my coaching practice a safe space?
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Well, I won't be the one to tell you that.
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It's very much for you to decide.
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There's a link in the podcast show notes to book a 30 minute complimentary Zoom call with me.
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You can ask me any questions about coaching, see what I look like, bring some emotions, and see how they feel.
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Look for safety, security and stability, and see where you might be able to find it. Thank you for listening in today. Come back again next week.
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Please subscribe, rate and review the podcast if you love it, and maybe just turn it off if you don't.
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Check out the show notes for a link to a hidden podcast episode that will help you with your 5 PM cravings and details about
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my one to one life coaching and sober coaching programmes, and PS, I believe in you.
