Today, we dive into the vibrant world of happiness and the habits that can help us cultivate it, featuring the insightful Michelle Phillips, a happiness and performance expert. Michelle shares her journey of turning personal challenges into a blueprint for success, encapsulated in her book, "Happiness is a Habit." We discuss how small, consistent habits can lead to significant changes over time, and why it's crucial to start with manageable steps. From physical activity to emotional check-ins, Michelle emphasizes the importance of understanding our feelings and making intentional choices. Join us as we explore practical strategies to enhance well-being, create meaningful connections, and ultimately lead a happier life.

Today, we're diving into the exciting world of habits and happiness with our guest, Michelle Phillips, a seasoned happiness and performance expert. Michelle emphasizes that happiness is not just a fleeting emotion but a choice we make through our daily habits. She shares insights from her book, "Happiness is a Habit," highlighting 44 simple rituals that can boost our energy and well-being, proving that small changes can lead to significant impacts over time. We discuss the importance of starting small, the power of saying no, and how to cultivate meaningful connections in both personal and professional lives. Join us as we explore how to elevate our connections, courage, and overall impact on the world around us!

Takeaways:

• Happiness is a choice that can be cultivated through simple daily habits, such as exercise and mindfulness.
• Creating impactful connections at work requires understanding each individual's strengths and encouraging their growth.
• Establishing boundaries and the ability to say 'no' is vital to maintaining a balanced and fulfilling life.
• Implementing small, manageable habits can lead to significant positive changes over time, especially regarding personal well-being.
• Regularly checking in with your emotions can help identify areas for improvement and foster greater happiness.
• Surrounding yourself with positive, growth-minded individuals can significantly influence your happiness and success.

Jaclyn Strominger welcomes Michelle Phillips, a seasoned entrepreneur and author of "Happiness is a Habit," to discuss the importance of happiness and daily rituals in achieving a fulfilling life. Michelle shares her personal journey, which includes overcoming challenges in her marriage and discovering the power of habits to maintain her sanity and joy. She emphasizes the significance of making small, manageable changes in our routines, such as eating healthier or exercising, and how these can accumulate over time to create a happier and more productive life. This episode dives deep into the neuroscience of happiness, the importance of choosing joy, and how we can all take actionable steps towards a more positive mindset. Michelle provides listeners with valuable insights on identifying their own habits and the right steps to nurturing their happiness, making it clear that happiness is indeed a choice we can all make.

Takeaways:

• Happiness is a habit, and incorporating small daily rituals can significantly improve our well-being.
• Identifying and nurturing our emotional state is crucial for achieving personal happiness.
• It's essential to set realistic goals and start small to build effective habits over time.
• Surrounding ourselves with positive and growth-oriented individuals can enhance our happiness and success.

Links referenced in this episode:

• energizeyourresults.com

Well, hello everybody, and welcome to another amazing episode of Leap to Lead. Elevating connections, courage, and creating greater impact. I am your host, Jaclyn Strominger.

And today I have the amazing guest to share with you, Michelle Phillips. And let me share with you a little bit about her background. So first of all, Michelle is the president of Key Performance.

She has a 25 year entrepreneurial voyage that has etched an enduring mark on the corporate, corporate world. I can speak today. She has a amazing book called Happiness is a Habit.

Simple daily rituals that increase energy, improve well being, and add joy to every day, which is so important. And as a happiness and performance expert, she blends neuroscience habits and positive psychology, offering an actionable formula for success.

Michelle, I am so glad to have you on the podcast. So welcome.

Hello. I'm happy to be here. Hello. Thank you for having me, Jaclyn.

All right, so I have to ask because happiness is a key. It's a choice in a lot of ways. Right. So what got you to, to write this book?

Yeah, of course. Write that. What's the Carpenter song? The best love songs are written with a broken heart. I'm dating myself, but I love that line.

It's even before my time, that song.

I love the Carpenters, but listeners are like, if you don't know, I'm just going to share. I will put a link in there because they are like an old, I.

Think that, I mean, I was a kid, but I remember that line. The best love songs are written with a broken heart.

Right?

So it's like when you're in that point, when you realize what got you through this point. So in my early life, in my 20s, I just wanted to be fit and sexy and healthy. So I learned how to work out, how to eat right.

So I was on this trajectory of habits. And then I was learning how to manage my finances, relationships, all these different things, career. And then I was happily married until I wasn't.

And when, you know, I chose to leave the, the marriage, which was in a horrible marriage, it just wasn't satisfied anymore. We were just growing in different directions. I realized the things that kept me sane in my most brokenhearted time were my habits.

I always went to the gym. I always ate good food. I had a really strong circle of support with family and friends. I had amazing playlists on my ipod.

I read books that inspired, motivated, and educated me. And then I was, I went, I even went to another seminar where they were saying all the things I was doing and I was like, I'm writing my own book.

Right?

This is the recipe I've been using to keep me solid, even though I'm sad. And it could be a recipe other people can use. So it's 44 habits. They're my habits.

But I say you pick and choose which ones resonate with you and then you try them on and you be the judge.

I absolutely love that. And okay, so we have kindred spirits here because I.

Because what you've just said, you know, that those habits, you know, exercise, eating well, reading. Although I will say I will add to that. Like, sometimes I will binge watch, like, you know, law type shows like csi.

Because I don't know like why, but because they're addicting.

Because they're addicting. Like, stop. It's like my, I guess, you know, my bad habit. Whatever, my advice, but. But it's so true. Like, we talk a lot about those habits.

Like getting up in the morning, you know, doing something that gets your heart going. It's so important, it. It actually releases those endorphins and it puts a smile on your face and it keeps you going.

And the studies have shown that if you engage in something mental, physical, spiritual and emotional a few times a week, you actually feel better.

So the premise of the book was if you pick one little thing like eat an apple for 90 days, then eat, then walk around the block, what happens is if you just pick one small habit that's easy that you can't fail at, in five years, you will have accumulated 20 powerful habits. And habits are the things you do without thinking.

Right? And something that you just said too, that's also really important that I want people to understand, that is really like a quintessential thing.

Pick something like, start small and do it. Do a little bit. It's like you can't decide today that you're going to go run the marathon next week.

You have to start small to build up and do something that you can do.

Like, that's why we fail, because people, they hold themselves to unrealistic standards. I'm going to meditate every single day. Well, you probably aren't. Or I'm going to run around the block or I'm never going to eat chocolate.

It's like, give yourself a break.

You know, if the more of the time you're consistently doing, working out, eating, and you have an ice cream oven, you know, your life isn't going to shatter, but you're on the right trajectory versus people try on January 1st to just, you know, cold turkey or whatever. And that's why they fail.

Right? So how do you work with your. With clients? And what do you, you know, what do you know?

Because, you know, we want to help people take that leap, you know, so what is the biggest? You know, pick one. But how do you get them to pick?

Yeah. Yeah. Good, good. Really good question, Jaclyn. So I have a survey.

I have a questionnaire that I give all my clients, and it's pretty long, but it's just like me. I call it Me Incorporated. It's all the story of your life, you know, who are you? What's working, what's not working, what do you want more of?

What do you want less of? You know, So I just. There's all these questions and what the beauty of the questions, I tell them I want you to. Not. I want you to use paper to pen.

Pen to paper.

Pen to paper, Right. Yep. Yeah.

I want you to sit down with your favorite beverage of choice away from your computer, your desk, and I want you to answer these in longhand because I want you to slow down. And what bubbles up are themes.

So throughout the course of three or four pages of writing, the theme might be, you know, added confidence or decisiveness or, you know, speaking my true. Whatever it is. Or it could be I just need to move my body or learn French. I mean, I've got everything.

So from that, we pick two to three goals to work with in our coaching relationship that we're going to. And then, like you, I've been doing this so many years. I'm like a wealth of information. I just. Once I know what you need.

I'm like Edward Scissorhands. I've got a. I've got an exercise. I've got a book, I've got a TED Talk. And, you know, they.

They have exercises they do and work, work on while we're working together.

So, you know, when you're thinking about people being happy, you know, are there, like.

Are there signs almost that you could say to somebody like, you know, you can talk to somebody and be like, maybe they could use a little bit more happiness, or there might be. Well, it's not that it's stamped on their forehead. Right.

But I like to sit in.

I'm in airports a lot, as I know you are, and I sit in the airport sometimes and I just look around at people, and you could just look at people and know who's having a good day and who's not or who's having a. People. We wear, you know, we wear our energy on our face.

And in a recent airport episode, I was Watching these two little children from across this, you know, the, the carpet just having the best time with each other.

And I'm thinking they're the having the most fun of everybody in this whole airport because we take ourselves so seriously and I think we've become such an achievement oriented culture. Like, you know, how many likes do you have and did you post today and did, you know, I get caught up in it and I'm like, oh my gosh, am I happy?

Am I breathing? Did I put my feet in the grass? So you know, for me, I'm a believer that people should come to me. I don't go to you.

So even if a CEO or a leader of a team says, michelle, I want you to work with Dave, I'm like, does Dave want to work with me? So that's the chemistry fit call. And I talk about how I work and if Dave's up for this, I'm ready to go. But really I want people.

I always say I'm looking for the believers. If you don't believe in this, if you don't think working out or reading or is gonna then move on to somebody else.

Right, right. It's, you know, it's, you know, what you just said is so true.

We wear our energy on our faces and our, you know, and, and just made me think about, you know, how many people don't walk around smiling.

Yeah. I've been told I smile too much because seen as weakness or I don't know what it's seen as, but I'm like, I don't know what's wrong with smiling.

I tend to try to make sure that we're smiling more often because then you find that you're more like, you're more open. Right.

So, so when you're talking to people, I mean this is like, to me, it's such a huge thing because the impact it has on somebody's life is, is huge. I mean it has such a huge impact.

So what are some of those key things that like if somebody's thinking like maybe asking them the question, like am I happy? Like when do I know that I might need to change something because maybe I'm not really happy? Like, what are the signs?

Yeah, there's two things I just ask people to really pay attention to the when are you laughing? When are you smiling? You know, really start to notice what you're doing in those moments. Again, we're such a achievement rushing culture in the West.

You know, I got 15 minutes to meditate, then I'm going to yoga and, you know, and I'm like, we're kind of missing the point. So I asked my clients, I want you to ask yourself two questions repeatedly during the day. I want you to take a stop. How am I feeling?

The shamans have a saying. If you can name it, you can tame it. So what am I feeling? Because we don't even check in with how I'm feeling. Am I feeling anxious?

Am I feeling overwhelmed? Am I feeling content? Am I feeling sad? And then am I happy with my results? And if you're.

If the answer to one of those questions doesn't satisfy you, then you need to do something different. And it really is about the now moment. It's not about the past moment or the future moment. And sometimes I think happiness definitely gets a bad rap.

I love how Esther six says, nobody's asking you to put a smiley sticker on your empty gas tank and keep driving. It's not just ignore it and smile. It's what's causing me this angst, this overwhelm.

And if you can identify it, then that's what I like to teach my clients. If I'm feeling overwhelmed either, I've said yes to too many things. I'm trying to do.

Overwhelm is a choice, I always tell people, because I can only do so much at once, and I'm trying to do too much. I'm saying I'm going to do more than I actually can.

So, again, it's really starting to name your emotion, then name the emotion you want, which is writing your outcome. I want to be calm and confident.

I want to feel calm, confident, in control, and then saying, okay, well, if I want to feel calm, confident, in control, what's my next action? My next action is I have to cancel an appointment, change an appointment, make some white space on my calendar.

You know, something that gives you the. I feel like we went off on a tangent, but. So happiness is, you know, how you're feeling, right? People don't even check in there.

And that's. You know, I think that's. And listeners, I think this is actually just the thing that two things that you just said are so important.

Number one, put white space on your calendar. But. But. But. Or let's make it not white space.

Let's, like, pick a color code that you can use that, you know, when you see that color code on your calendar, it means, like, walk away. It means get up and walk. It means, you know, take a little, like, happy dance or something. Right? You know, Right. Like, you know, like, move, right?

And like, get up. I mean, we all can. I mean, you know. You know, myself included.

Like, there are times when you're just like, o my God, I haven't gotten up off my chair. You know, my butt's gotta be really flat right now. Right?

Cause it's. You know, and that's why I say, go outside. Breathe. We overschedule ourselves. We're ridiculously overscheduled.

And the other key thing is to say no. Right. And so how do you get your clients to say no?

Yeah, so years and years ago, when I started this work, we were still using. I was using my Franklin Covey paper calendar, and.

And I used to go to the Month at a glance page, and I would take a yellow highlighter, and I would write no over the whole month to remind myself that I have the option to say no. And with my clients, I do this. I do. You know, I say to put it on their phone. Put. You have to write the word no. No is a full sentence someplace.

And do not respond to requests. Immediate walk away. Let me get back to you. I mean, nobody calls each other. Usually it's an email or something, a text.

So it's looking at your calendar and really being honest with your space. Does this. Yes, I want to do it, but does it fit into what I have right now?

And I think that is such a key thing because I look at people's calendars and I say, when do you have time to do your work? You're in a meeting, you're in meetings. Like, sometimes they stay. Someone told me the other day, I scheduled three meetings at 11.

I'm like, unless you have some magic pill I don't know about, why did you do that to yourself? So it's really. I think a lot of this craziness and chaos is we create ourselves by not being able to say no.

Right. Don't. Right. And. And, you know, in that same vein, like, what I.

What I love about being able to say no is, are you being able to look at what you have and what you want, and does it align with where you want to go? Right.

Really important. Especially when you hit on something. Really. With me.

The clearer you are, your vision and goals and what you stand for, your intentions, the more you're capable of saying no to things that take you off course. That's really powerful. You might be good at a lot of things, but are they in track with where you want to be going? So I love that. Yes.

Yeah. And, you know, and. And so, you know, I. I love this whole conversation because and, and I'll share this, like, right now.

And this actually literally happened yesterday. We have some backyard stuff going on. I was gone for three weeks on a vacation. Right. And while I was away.

That's fabulous.

Yeah, it was, it was totally great.

I highly recommend people go away for three weeks because the first week you're still like trying to struggle, like to, you know, break down and like decompress. And then the next week you're really on vacation. Like the next, you know, you get to calm down. Anyway, really great.

But what was really interesting is that I, you know, I, I had connected people together to work on the outside the project while I was gone because I didn't want me to. Me being away to hold it up, right? No, no, no. Didn't work. And so it came to a point, like literally yesterday came to a head.

I literally was trying to schedule all this stuff that was supposed to have already been done by the people that were doing the work. And I literally said to one of the people who was actually calling the most angst, I said, I'm done. I said, I went away.

I said, this is all supposed to be coordinated. It is not my job. This is not my job to coordinate this stuff.

And the person whose job it is has tried to connect with you to coordinate and you have been non existent. And so I'm putting everything on hold. I'm putting, like, I just can't do this.

Take a breath, take a breath.

Like literally take a pause. And it was amazing. You know what you're like, like that energy. And, and I'm sharing this because once I said that the.

You realize, like, I'm just saying no. Like, and, and that no was like, I can find somebody else who can do it. There's.

There's other, there are other people out there that can do that work. I found somebody. I've said no to him. And the calmness when you're talking, like the angst that I was sharing. And the thing is that I'm.

Even though this is a. And this is a personal thing, but it was creeping into my business.

Like, I literally sat there and I thought, this is, this is causing me not to get work done. This is causing me not to do the things that I need to do. So I love that you are working with your clients on this because it is so important.

Because sometimes and we don't realize that angst that is happening and you can't even think straight.

So I always say, what? You know, for me, the other thing I always say when I'M in overwhelm. I'm not connected to what I call my Einstein brain. Right.

So I know I'm not making my best decisions. I'm not being my most creative. So every time I'm like, Michelle, you're out of alignment. You need to take that pause, come back because. And again.

And I work with a lot of really high profile people and I know you do that are just go, go, go. And it's like morning till night and then entertaining at night and then the next day.

And it's like there's no time that creative brain space that being. And I really, I have.

So I work with some really pretty cool leaders also that know that and that them modeling this for their people is so important that it does affect. Because our personal and professional lives are connected.

Yes.

And it's, you know, are you in that? You know, I call it like your course. Like when you're on two feet, you're steady and strong, but if you're standing on one leg, you're off balance.

Most people are living their life off. I always say they're living on the rumble strips. Like those rumble strips are there to say you're going off course, like get back to the center.

But we, we just think it's normal to be crazy in back to back meetings and not breathe. And it's such a cultural thing.

Recently I was at a client and I think I booked my flight for the next morning at like noon because I didn't feel like getting up at the crack of dawn and run into the airport and the night before. And they said to me, do you want to ride to the air the morning? I'm like, oh no, no.

I realized I was a little embarrassed to say I was going to take a leisurely morning. And I thought I do this for a living. I tell that.

But that this stigma about like oh, I'm going to sit in bed and have coffee and then go work out and you know, get, you know. So it's just so interesting that I catch myself, you know, taking my, you know, sometimes I had to take my own advice.

Right, right. Well, that's what we have to do. But what you just said too, I think is so again listeners, this is like a quintessential thing.

Modeling the behavior that you mod is your people, your peers, the people that you surround yourself. You know, it's what it. What takes to being a good leader. Not just leading. And you have to lead yourself first.

Yes.

And then lead others and not tell lead difference. Right. And when people can Model. That's huge.

And that's a big thing. It's, you know, I, I, so many people want to lead other people before they lead themselves. So, you know, I, I like to do checkups with people.

You know, what is your mental, the way you think is a habit. Your mental, spiritual, emotional, physical health. And you know, are you physically fit? Are you going to survive your own success?

You know, are you mentally fit?

Are you telling yourself you're like all the leadership stuff you talk about, you know, spiritually, do you have a connection to something greater than you? And emotionally, do you have those people around you? And again, earlier in my life, I think I was unconsciously happy.

And then as I started to learn this, these things, I started looking like, well, where is my spiritual connection? And when it came to people, I looked at the people I surrounded myself with.

They were some really good, hard, sincere working, you know, hard working people. But they weren't very positive, some of them, and they weren't really going where I wanted to go.

So I said, okay, Michelle, I need to make, I made, I wrote a goal that I wanted to surround myself with people that were doing something, growing, expanding. And I literally started meeting people that were three cube rows away from me at the company I'd been at for 15 years, but I wasn't looking for them.

So to anyone listening, it's you look at your spiritual life, your mental thinking life, your emotional life, who are the people around you and your physical life and then say, can I make a tweak? Can I make a change? Where, you know, where can I do something small doesn't have to be huge to get you a result.

Right? And that is so important.

And what you just said too, about surrounding yourself with people who are in, you know, number one, positive growth minded, like, where are you? And this is really important.

Like, and I would share this, like, if anybody, it, you know, as people are even just starting out in their careers, one thing that I think is the biggest thing to think about is making sure that you're also interviewing the people that you are going to be working for based on, like, look at them, are like, are you aligned with them? And ask the questions of, well, talk to me about some of the other people that you have been in your fold and where have they gone?

That's so good. And years ago I had a boss. It was so funny because I've always had this balancing in my life. Like, I love working, but I want, I want balance.

I want to have a life outside of work. And I had this one boss and he hired me and he was a workaholic guy. He worked so hard.

And I said to him, and as a young person, so to your point, having the courage, I said to him, I love this job, I would love to work with you, but I do not want to work the same hours you work. I am okay staying late once in a while, but you know, we don't have to stay late every night. This guy was there till 9 o' clock every night.

Like I would leave him at 6, he'd come in in the morning with this pages of notes. I'm like, when did you do that? I just, I left you at like 7 or you know, 6 o' clock last night. And even his wife, they had a thing on Saturdays.

His, he only could stay in the office on Saturdays till noon. So he was just a real workaholic guy.

And I love him dearly, but I had the courage to say that to him and he said to me, okay, Michelle, I will, you know, honor your, you know, boundaries and let you, you know, go home unless it's an emergency. But you, you can help me take more time off and be, you know, less of a work, you know, working. I worked with this man for many years and I laugh.

I always think he probably got more out of me than I got. But you know, it's having the courage to have those decision, those decisions, those conversations even early in your career are very important.

And also to interview like as you're interviewing people, I mean as you're interviewing for positions, no matter where you are and as you're interviewing people for positions within your, in your, on your team, you know, I look at, I look at leaders like help your people rise up and help them find their happiness.

Because when people have that happiness, you know, they operate together as a family in a sense and a good family, like not your, not the dysfunctional families.

That we probably come from.

Not kidding.

But like you know, you're so aligned with the goal mind of what everybody is striving for and you, there's ownership and so it's like the work hard, play hard and be together to connect.

Yeah. And that's what's missing sometimes in this fast paced world that we live in is people think they don't have time to connect.

But I always, you know, I understand we don't have every, you know, I always say, who are your key stakeholders? I want you to Write down your 5 to 10 key stakeholders and then I want you to tell me how much time you spent with them.

Because just calling someone up or sending them an email when you need something is not a relationship. So it's really important to build those relationships. And again, early in my career I was blessed to have a boss who did just that with us.

You know, she would take us in these off sites to beautiful like Mohonk Mountain House. I don't even know that I do, I do go to Mohonk for team meeting and she would always personalize our gifts at the holidays.

And she really found out what was the strength in each of us and she let us shine in our strength. And we're, all of us are still really close to this day, I mean, 20 something years later.

But that's the strength of those relationships that are not always built these days in a zoom world or you know, telecommuting or whatever we're doing these days. So even just like you and I were in totally different areas, but you still, this connection is real, right?

So having that, making the time for that is so instrumental. Yes.

And you know, and what you just said about that leader who found out what the strengths are in this digital world, you can still do that.

Like you can still find ways to find out what people's strengths are and make them feel that appreciation and make sure that they feel that same connection with the people that they're working with. There are definitely ways to do that digitally. I mean, obviously it's so much better in person.

So many things are better in person, but that is such a great experience to have.

And I have a client that does it really well. I talk about them all the time. Here I go, I'm going to talk about you again.

They have ping pong tables, you know, in their, in their lunch, canteen, whatever you call, they play ping pong every day. This woman, I hadn't seen her in a month and I said to her last time I was there, I said, wow, you're looking fit.

And she goes, I play ping pong every day. And I was like, oh my God. I think it is a workout, right? And then they have tea time. I don't know if it's once a week or once a month.

And it's sometimes it's different nationalities and it's just tea time, 3 o'. Clock, I can't remember what time. Everybody goes to the canteen and they have tea.

So these, these rituals that seem old, maybe old fashioned, you know, in today's world really build the culture, build the community, build the foundation. And I love seeing when companies are doing it right like that.

Yeah, that is so important. That is. I love that. I absolutely love that, Michelle. I could talk to you for hours and hours and hours.

You're so, like, you're so amazing and you're so. It's like, so like just a great conversation. How can people learn about you? Get to know you? Get your book.

Yes, yes. So the easiest way to get me is. Oh, my God, I have too many websites. Let me think of which I want to. Oh, my God, I just went blank. Energize.

I have so many websites. Energize, your results.com is the portal to all of my social media, all my website. It's really just a landing page at energize.

Your results.com will link you everywhere to me. And I would love you to follow me. I would love you to connect with me, email me, and thank you so much, Jaclyn, for having me on.

Oh, my God. It's such a pleasure. Okay, so listeners, do me the favor. Okay? You got a couple favors that you're going to have to do for me.

Number one, reach out to Michelle and actually go to her website and connect with her. And then what I also really want you to do, hit subscribe.

And then lastly, I want you to actually share this episode with friends and colleagues because I think it is so important. It's such an important message for friends, colleagues, leaders to hear. So I really would appreciate that.

So thank you so much for all of you for listening and thank you, Michelle, for being an amazing guest. I am your host, Jaclyn Schromager. And again, again, hit subscribe and keep on listening. Than.