Ridin Sidesaddle On An E-Bike

Dash: 00:00:11

Welcome to Queernecks, the podcast that puts the

2

: 00:00:13

Yee Hall in y'all means hall.

3

: 00:00:15

I'm your host, Beck,

4

: 00:00:17

and I'm your host.

5

: 00:00:17

Dash.

6

: 00:00:18

Welcome to today's episode.

7

: 00:00:23

Can you-- Look what I chose

8

: 00:00:25

Beck: Goes what?

9

: 00:00:25

Oh, your hair?

10

: 00:00:26

Dash: Yeah

11

: 00:00:27

Beck: What is the choice?

12

: 00:00:28

Dash: Shaved it

13

: 00:00:30

Beck: Oh.

14

: 00:00:31

It's very short

15

: 00:00:32

Dash: I know.

16

: 00:00:33

This, uh, act- so that was like actually

a week ago, so this has grown out a bit

17

: 00:00:37

Beck: Wow.

18

: 00:00:38

I have a haircut Friday

19

: 00:00:40

Dash: I bet there might be barbers and

stuff in the town where my campus is

20

: 00:00:44

Beck: I bet so.

21

: 00:00:45

If they're students, there's…

22

: 00:00:46

Yeah

23

: 00:00:47

Dash: Uh, I mean, you know There's,

there were students in Morris and

24

: 00:00:51

there was no barbers Like, not even

there weren't, like, Black barbers,

25

: 00:00:55

right, There weren't barbers.

26

: 00:00:57

Nobody could have a haircut.

27

: 00:00:58

Beck: Right

28

: 00:00:59

Dash: bo- my boss drove

to a town called St.

29

: 00:01:02

Joseph, which was, like,

two hours, to get haircuts

30

: 00:01:05

Beck: Oh wow

31

: 00:01:06

Dash: Stupid

32

: 00:01:07

Beck: Seems like somebody could make some

money if they set up a business there

33

: 00:01:11

Dash: Why wouldn't you?

34

: 00:01:12

I think it's 'cause nobody moves here

35

: 00:01:15

Beck: You could call it

36

: 00:01:16

Hair Shack.

37

: 00:01:17

I'm sorry, bleep that out.

38

: 00:01:18

I didn't mean to use your real name.

39

: 00:01:19

I'm sorry

40

: 00:01:23

Dash: We're professionals, people.

41

: 00:01:24

Beck: yes

42

: 00:01:26

A haircut

43

: 00:01:27

Dash: yeah.

44

: 00:01:28

Beck: Did I already show you?

45

: 00:01:30

Dash: Yeah, but I don't

think it was on the show.

46

: 00:01:32

I think we were just hanging out

47

: 00:01:34

Beck: Oh, come here, Brute.

48

: 00:01:35

Yehaw

49

: 00:01:36

Dash: Yeah, I, she

50

: 00:01:37

Beck: Oh

51

: 00:01:37

Dash: this, like, the

melting toddler thing.

52

: 00:01:40

Like, when you pick her up,

she's like, "I'm a dead fish."

53

: 00:01:42

Beck: Well, she goes

straight-legged and, like,

54

: 00:01:45

Dash: Yeah.

55

: 00:01:45

Beck: As, uh, stiff as a

board is what she does.

56

: 00:01:49

But she…

57

: 00:01:50

Yeah, she's funny.

58

: 00:01:51

I don't think she ever had anybody pick

her up and love her before us, you know?

59

: 00:01:55

Dash: Oh, that's a good point.

60

: 00:01:56

It was probably bad news when somebody

picked her up in her last environment

61

: 00:02:00

Beck: Yeah.

62

: 00:02:01

But she's getting there.

63

: 00:02:02

She's figuring it out.

64

: 00:02:03

Dash: Poor

65

: 00:02:04

Beck: We have a rule.

66

: 00:02:05

She gets at least 25 kisses per day.

67

: 00:02:07

That's the rule

68

: 00:02:08

Dash: Right

69

: 00:02:09

' Beck: Cause she has a lot of years

of no kisses to make up for, and

70

: 00:02:13

she likes to give the kisses out,

so I gotta help her stay stocked

71

: 00:02:18

Dash: How old did they say she was?

72

: 00:02:20

Beck: Five.

73

: 00:02:21

Dash: Hayır,

74

: 00:02:22

Beck: She'll be six.

75

: 00:02:22

Her, th- her birthday according

to her paperwork is September 8th

76

: 00:02:25

Dash: How do they know that?

77

: 00:02:26

I think they just make that up

78

: 00:02:27

Beck: I don't know.

79

: 00:02:28

I mean, she came from a breeder, so if

she was registered, which she probably

80

: 00:02:32

was to be if she, if they were selling

puppies she's was probably registered,

81

: 00:02:37

and so they would've known, they

would've had to have known the birthdate

82

: 00:02:41

Or the approximation.

83

: 00:02:42

we always said Wenda's birthday

was May 4th 'cause she looked like

84

: 00:02:46

an Ewok, and it's Star Wars Day

85

: 00:02:48

Dash: you know I actually chose

May for Oscar's birthday as well,

86

: 00:02:52

Because he was a baby when we

found him, and it was July So I

87

: 00:02:58

sorta guessed that it was the end

of May or the beginning of June

88

: 00:03:01

Beck: Yeah.

89

: 00:03:02

That's how we figure, uh, Pita is a,

a late November baby because we found

90

: 00:03:07

her in June, and we think she was about

six months old when we found her, which

91

: 00:03:11

would have made her a Christmas dog.

92

: 00:03:13

So she was probably born in November

around Thanksgiving so that she

93

: 00:03:17

would have been ready for Christmas.

94

: 00:03:19

So Pita's a Sagittarius

95

: 00:03:22

Dash: Uh, what are you?

96

: 00:03:24

Beck: A Virgo

97

: 00:03:26

Dash: a Virgo.

98

: 00:03:26

Okay

99

: 00:03:27

Beck: 100% a Virgo.

100

: 00:03:29

Yep

101

: 00:03:30

Dash: I'm a Libra, so

102

: 00:03:32

Beck: I know this 'cause you and

Shanna share, share a birthday

103

: 00:03:35

Dash: I don't think, I

don't think it applies

104

: 00:03:38

Beck: No

105

: 00:03:38

Dash: The, no, the things I, the things

people say about Libras or whatever.

106

: 00:03:43

I don't know enough to actually,

you know, say that, but

107

: 00:03:47

Beck: Yeah.

108

: 00:03:47

Well, I'm pretty Virgo-like.

109

: 00:03:49

I don't know if I believe in

it, but I find it interesting

110

: 00:03:52

the folklore of it, I guess.

111

: 00:03:54

Dash: Mm-hmm.

112

: 00:03:55

Beck: and the…

113

: 00:03:57

Because any of those predictions

or horoscopes, you can make them so

114

: 00:04:01

general that they'll fit just about

any kind of situation, you know?

115

: 00:04:05

And I think, I just think it's

interesting the way that people

116

: 00:04:08

frame things and say things and

117

: 00:04:13

Dash: believe that, kind, what time

of year a person is born could shape

118

: 00:04:18

their identity, could shape their

experiences, their personality.

119

: 00:04:22

I don't think it has anything to

do with other planets or stars

120

: 00:04:26

Beck: Right

121

: 00:04:27

Dash: Uh, it's much more

likely to be closer to home.

122

: 00:04:30

Beck: Do you know your Chinese signs?

123

: 00:04:32

Dash: Oh, I used to.

124

: 00:04:35

Beck: I'm a water horse

125

: 00:04:37

Dash: Yeah.

126

: 00:04:38

what is, what is it?

127

: 00:04:39

Is it Chinese zodiac?

128

: 00:04:41

Isn't it, like, a little more precise?

129

: 00:04:44

Like, it's actually, like, w-

how, what year you were born too

130

: 00:04:47

Beck: Oh yeah that's exactly what it is.

131

: 00:04:49

The, your, it, the, the zodiac is b-

uh, so everyone born the year I was

132

: 00:04:53

born is a horse And then depending

on what year you're born of the

133

: 00:04:59

horse years, 'cause it's every 12

years I think that, so another 12

134

: 00:05:03

years you'll have the horse again.

135

: 00:05:05

And those go in cycles of

air, water, fire, and earth

136

: 00:05:09

Dash: Lunar calendar, five

elements, compatibility.

137

: 00:05:13

this isn't loading, so hopefully

this infographic is accurate.

138

: 00:05:18

Beck: Widdle bit

139

: 00:05:19

Dash: Oh, this is kinda hard to read Okay.

140

: 00:05:22

I'm a cock

141

: 00:05:28

So, uh, is that it?

142

: 00:05:32

This doesn't say anything about…

143

: 00:05:34

This one doesn't have, like,

months or anything on it,

144

: 00:05:36

Beck: It doesn't go by months.

145

: 00:05:38

Yeah, it goes by years.

146

: 00:05:39

It doesn't go by month.

147

: 00:05:40

Dash: Okay

148

: 00:05:41

Beck: Yeah.

149

: 00:05:41

The other big, like, not tarot

style or whatever, another belief

150

: 00:05:46

system is in your blood type in

several Asian coun- countries.

151

: 00:05:52

Your blood type determines

what kind of person.

152

: 00:05:54

I have the bad one, so I'm the bad boy

153

: 00:05:57

Dash: Blood, type.

154

: 00:05:58

Is this, would you call this zodiac?

155

: 00:06:00

I don't know what zodiac means

156

: 00:06:02

Beck: It'll know what you mean by that

157

: 00:06:04

Dash: Yeah.

158

: 00:06:05

Blood type personality theory, also

known as Ketsueki-gata, is a popular

159

: 00:06:10

belief system in Japan and parts of East

Asia that links human blood types to

160

: 00:06:14

specific personality traits and tempers K

161

: 00:06:19

Beck: I'm a B positive,

which is hilarious to me

162

: 00:06:22

Dash: We, uh, none of these clunky

ass Wix websites want to load

163

: 00:06:26

right now, so Keep having a go by

infographics I forget what I am.

164

: 00:06:32

I knew for…

165

: 00:06:33

'Cause what they had to type me

for surgery Well, these all seem

166

: 00:06:38

like, you said, you know, like you

could just sort of go like, "Yeah,

167

: 00:06:41

this is exactly like me and every

168

: 00:06:43

Beck: Yehaw

169

: 00:06:45

Dash: breath."

170

: 00:06:46

Beck: Yeah.

171

: 00:06:47

You will drink water today.

172

: 00:06:49

Whoa

173

: 00:06:51

Dash: How did you know that?

174

: 00:06:53

Well, I don't know.

175

: 00:06:54

I mean, speaking of Those kinds

of, what would you call that?

176

: 00:06:57

Superstition?

177

: 00:06:58

I don't know

178

: 00:06:59

Beck: Belief systems is the best

description I can come up with

179

: 00:07:03

Dash: Yeah.

180

: 00:07:04

Especially, you know, I mean, a belief

is earnest, so if a person subscribes

181

: 00:07:10

to it, it probably does shape part of

their worldview at least, and maybe even

182

: 00:07:15

Beck: Oh yeah.

183

: 00:07:16

Dash: lives

184

: 00:07:17

Beck: There's a lot of girls that … I

saw a meme the other day that says,

185

: 00:07:20

"My son called and asked me what

day and time and where he was born."

186

: 00:07:24

And I said, "You get away

from that girl right now."

187

: 00:07:27

Dash: Yehaw Yeah.

188

: 00:07:30

The first, like, queer, relationship I

was in, like actually out, the person

189

: 00:07:38

would admit that we were dating and we

would go out together and stuff, was the

190

: 00:07:42

summer after I graduated high school.

191

: 00:07:44

It was this, this girl I met down in,

at the bar in Knoxville, and she came

192

: 00:07:50

up to visit me at Mom and Dad's house.

193

: 00:07:53

She would come up at like

midnight and I would sneak her in.

194

: 00:07:57

She brought that…

195

: 00:07:59

There's this tome of a book, like

you could, you know, uh, stop

196

: 00:08:04

a runaway car with this thing.

197

: 00:08:06

You like…

198

: 00:08:07

It about relat- about dating the

astrological signs and things.

199

: 00:08:14

She brought that.

200

: 00:08:14

It's like a compatibility thing And I

was like, this is the first time I had

201

: 00:08:18

met anybody who took the sign seriously.

202

: 00:08:21

Beck: Right

203

: 00:08:22

Dash: this is the first time I heard, I,

like, learned about how deep that can go.

204

: 00:08:27

Like,

205

: 00:08:28

Beck: Yehaw

206

: 00:08:30

Dash: like, whole-ass libraries written

about it that people will consult

207

: 00:08:33

before they make decisions about who

to date, also how serious, how quickly

208

: 00:08:40

s- queer relationships can get serious.

209

: 00:08:42

It was a, a very unnerving

experience for me

210

: 00:08:46

Beck: Sounds like it

211

: 00:08:47

Dash: about the way I j- I

just kind of ghosted her.

212

: 00:08:49

talking to her Did that so

many times Sorry, everybody.

213

: 00:09:00

Beck: I think we've lost Shanna

214

: 00:09:02

Dash: Lost her?

215

: 00:09:03

Beck: Yeah, she was sitting here

and now she's been gone for a while,

216

: 00:09:06

so I don't know where she's gone

217

: 00:09:07

Dash: She taking a nap?

218

: 00:09:09

Beck: Maybe.

219

: 00:09:10

That would be likely

220

: 00:09:11

Dash: Well, let us know if we

need to swear out a search party

221

: 00:09:15

Beck: Okay.

222

: 00:09:16

Have you ever heard the,

uh, the Mitch Hedberg joke?

223

: 00:09:19

Probably not.

224

: 00:09:20

It's so random.

225

: 00:09:21

He's like, you go to these restaurants

and you sign up and put your name

226

: 00:09:24

on the list, and those places,

they're like "Dufresne, party of two.

227

: 00:09:29

Dufresne, party of two."

228

: 00:09:31

And if they never come up, they move on.

229

: 00:09:32

"Jenkins, party of two," right?

230

: 00:09:34

And he's like, but what happens,

what happened to the Dufresnes?

231

: 00:09:37

"Jenkins, search party of two."

232

: 00:09:39

That's what we gotta do?

233

: 00:09:41

You can eat when you find the Dufresnes

234

: 00:09:46

Dash: Yeah, what happened to them?

235

: 00:09:48

Well, I guess that, that segues us into

the wheel of what have you told us,

236

: 00:09:52

uh, said that this week is joke thief.

237

: 00:09:55

We…

238

: 00:09:55

That can mean whatever we want.

239

: 00:09:56

So how did you interpret joke thief?

240

: 00:09:58

Beck: I thought that I would go,

that's why I have Mitch Hedberg

241

: 00:10:01

on the brain because he was

my choice for that this week.

242

: 00:10:04

He's got some really good ones.

243

: 00:10:06

The one that I pulled up specifically

hang on, let me pull it up here, is

244

: 00:10:10

maybe one of his most famous jokes.

245

: 00:10:13

Queernecks now are Joke thief, here we go

246

: 00:10:17

So here's the quote, "I bought a donut

and they gave me a receipt for the donut.

247

: 00:10:21

I don't need a receipt for the donut.

248

: 00:10:23

I give you the money and you give

me the donut, end of transaction.

249

: 00:10:26

We don't need to bring

ink and paper into this.

250

: 00:10:28

I can't imagine a scenario where I'd

have to prove that I bought a donut."

251

: 00:10:32

Chet Berg And then he goes on in the

a- show, he says, "So they gave me the

252

: 00:10:35

receipt and I filed it under D for donut."

253

: 00:10:43

And you will once in a while see

that printed on a donut shop receipt,

254

: 00:10:46

and it always makes me laugh.

255

: 00:10:48

Dash: I think one of the signs

of, like, human evolution was

256

: 00:10:52

receipts becoming optional.

257

: 00:10:54

Now they ask you, "Do you want a receipt?"

258

: 00:10:56

Beck: Yeah.

259

: 00:10:57

Dash: thank you.

260

: 00:10:58

I

261

: 00:10:58

Beck: Yeah

262

: 00:10:59

Dash: for my overpriced coffee."

263

: 00:11:01

Beck: Another one of his good

jokes was, uh, "You man, uh, man,

264

: 00:11:04

I'm sick of chasing my dreams.

265

: 00:11:05

I'm just gonna meet up with them later."

266

: 00:11:10

Dash: Oh, man

267

: 00:11:11

Beck: He has another bit about

escalators can never really break,

268

: 00:11:14

they can only become stairs.

269

: 00:11:16

Sorry, escalators temporarily stairs.

270

: 00:11:19

Sorry for the convenience.

271

: 00:11:21

He is so funny.

272

: 00:11:22

Dash: Yeah, he, like he really was

a bullseye of observational comedy.

273

: 00:11:27

Like, he never missed,

274

: 00:11:29

Beck: Yehaw

275

: 00:11:31

Dash: began to stray into the bizarre and

where are we going, his delivery and his

276

: 00:11:39

command over the audience still kept it.

277

: 00:11:41

Like the Slappy the Frog,

278

: 00:11:43

Beck: Yeah.

279

: 00:11:44

Dash: Smacky the Frog?

280

: 00:11:45

Beck: Smacky the Frog.

281

: 00:11:46

Dash: That's when, you know, I was

like, "Okay, you're high, we get it.

282

: 00:11:50

Like, you're not in your right mind.

283

: 00:11:52

But what are we doing?

284

: 00:11:53

Where's this going?"

285

: 00:11:54

And he did eventually land it, but

that bit to- is so, like, not about

286

: 00:11:59

the gotcha moment that his other bits,

his earlier bits are- kind of are,

287

: 00:12:04

that I don't even remember how it ends.

288

: 00:12:06

I remember him doing the hand

motion and saying, "I wish a frog

289

: 00:12:10

would come and settle next to me."

290

: 00:12:14

Like, you…

291

: 00:12:15

I remember, like, how we got

to the place and not the place

292

: 00:12:20

Beck: Right.

293

: 00:12:20

Dash: jokes

294

: 00:12:21

Beck: He's, he was by far, he's

by far one of my top 10 comedians,

295

: 00:12:25

favorite comedians ever, for sure

296

: 00:12:28

Dash: If, do you think that you could

say, like of a set or special or

297

: 00:12:33

whatever, what your absolute favorite is?

298

: 00:12:36

Not the best, you know, not, you know,

you don't have to prove that it's

299

: 00:12:40

better, just what's your favorite

300

: 00:12:42

Beck: Probably that JonBenét stuff

that I, uh, showed you guys last,

301

: 00:12:46

the last time we did this bit.

302

: 00:12:48

The whole raviolis and a nap, that is

really and truly my life mantra, you know?

303

: 00:12:52

Like, I'll be doing something

and I'll be like, "I get some

304

: 00:12:54

pizza and a nap after this.

305

: 00:12:56

If I just get through this, I'm gonna

get, you know, raviolis and a nap.

306

: 00:12:59

Raviolis and a nap.

307

: 00:13:00

Raviolis and a nap."

308

: 00:13:01

So that is w- by far one of my favorites

309

: 00:13:06

Dash: didn't he pass away

310

: 00:13:07

Beck: Yes, he did.

311

: 00:13:08

So did Mitch Hedberg.

312

: 00:13:09

Did you ever see Mitch on That '70s Show?

313

: 00:13:12

Dash: Uh,

314

: 00:13:13

Beck: He played the little restaurant

that they would go to, he played the guy

315

: 00:13:17

behind the counter in a couple of episodes

316

: 00:13:19

Dash: Oh, I only remember Tommy Chong

317

: 00:13:22

Beck: Yeah, no, Mitch Hedberg played

the guy behind the counter a couple of

318

: 00:13:25

times in a, just a couple of episodes.

319

: 00:13:27

So

320

: 00:13:28

Dash: Cool

321

: 00:13:29

Beck: they were gonna try to make

him a character, but it, they,

322

: 00:13:30

nope, he didn't really fit in

323

: 00:13:32

Dash: Well, and that's not his…

324

: 00:13:35

You have to be really

reliable to be on a sitcom

325

: 00:13:38

Beck: Yehaw

326

: 00:13:41

Hang on, there's a dog behind me.

327

: 00:13:43

My dogs like to get right behind me

and squeeze between me and the couch.

328

: 00:13:46

I don't, uh, Peter likes to just sit

back there and Rue I think is trying

329

: 00:13:50

to go over there, but she doesn't know

what to do now that she's stuck behind

330

: 00:13:53

me It's an adorable con- quandary

331

: 00:13:56

Dash: I d- I don't really watch that

many, uh, stand-up things anymore, but I

332

: 00:14:03

think the most, maybe the most interesting

one I can remember is fairly recent.

333

: 00:14:08

Well, recent, hell, probably 10

years ago at this point, was, uh,

334

: 00:14:12

Hannah Gadsby's special Nanette,

335

: 00:14:16

Beck: Yeah.

336

: 00:14:16

I have a friend who's obsessed with her

337

: 00:14:18

Dash: She's very funny.

338

: 00:14:20

Beck: She reminds me of myself kind of

339

: 00:14:22

Dash: Yeah, she reminds me a lot of my

of a few of my, like, more like butcher

340

: 00:14:28

masculine presenting lesbian friends.

341

: 00:14:31

Beck: Yeah

342

: 00:14:31

Dash: a, kind of, I don't know, a

way of kinda laughing at the world

343

: 00:14:36

from that particular perspective.

344

: 00:14:39

But is interesting because…

345

: 00:14:42

And I, I still don't know if this

was really what she was going into

346

: 00:14:46

it with, but sh- it was her quitting.

347

: 00:14:49

made a special out of quitting comedy.

348

: 00:14:51

Did you see it?

349

: 00:14:52

Beck: Oh, it's been a while.

350

: 00:14:54

Yes, but it's been a while

351

: 00:14:56

Dash: But then it went viral

because it was so fucking good and

352

: 00:15:00

Beck: Yehaw

353

: 00:15:02

Dash: offered her another one.

354

: 00:15:04

It was a few years later, but

then she ultimately did it, and

355

: 00:15:06

so she made one called Douglas,

which is the name of her dog.

356

: 00:15:10

But Nanette was interesting to me

because of the way she was funny

357

: 00:15:14

in it, b- but she also explained w-

like, her reason for quitting for

358

: 00:15:20

falling out of love with comedy the

perpetuation of the traumas, right?

359

: 00:15:24

The way that, like, using comedy…

360

: 00:15:26

She didn't say this, but using comedy as

a coping mechanism is a way of kicking the

361

: 00:15:32

can down the road on healing from whatever

it is that you're coping with, right?

362

: 00:15:37

Because that's work and it requires the

time and the space and the resources

363

: 00:15:41

to do, and people who are having to use

comedy to cope don't have those things.

364

: 00:15:46

And so she was kind of articulating,

like, "Every time I get up here and

365

: 00:15:48

do this and I make comedy out of the

things that have happened to me, I

366

: 00:15:52

have to leave out this really important

piece that's the actual painful part."

367

: 00:15:56

And I just loved the way she…

368

: 00:15:59

was art, right?

369

: 00:16:00

It was narrative.

370

: 00:16:01

It was performance.

371

: 00:16:03

And it was, I don't

know, super cool to me.

372

: 00:16:06

But then, and she has a degree in

art history, so she was able to, you

373

: 00:16:12

know, pull in those kinds of things.

374

: 00:16:14

But there's a moment in Douglas where she

talks about how people criticized Nanette.

375

: 00:16:20

She was like, "I didn't really

expect for y'all to watch that."

376

: 00:16:22

It wasn't designed to go viral.

377

: 00:16:25

she said, "You know, lots of people

said I was lecturing you know, I

378

: 00:16:29

was being pedantic and whatever."

379

: 00:16:32

And she goes, "That's not a lecture."

380

: 00:16:35

And then a whiteboard shows up behind

her, and she pulls out a clicker

381

: 00:16:38

and she says, "This is a lecture."

382

: 00:16:40

And she begins to give a full on

PowerPoint presentation on art history,

383

: 00:16:45

but also still making it comedy.

384

: 00:16:47

It's part of the arc of the special.

385

: 00:16:49

And so, like, that to me,

there's a very, like, uh,

386

: 00:16:52

unassuming, what was I gonna say?

387

: 00:16:55

Scholarly kind of humor to

388

: 00:16:59

Beck: Undertone

389

: 00:16:59

Dash: ivory…

390

: 00:17:00

Not, yeah, not ivory tower, not

actually pedantic, but that- that's

391

: 00:17:04

the things that she knows are in there.

392

: 00:17:06

Beck: Yeah.

393

: 00:17:06

Well, I have to say, I have, as somebody

who is a professor, you know, or has

394

: 00:17:10

been for many years now I just finally

have the title it helps to be funny.

395

: 00:17:14

You know what I mean?

396

: 00:17:15

Like, the that's a good way

to get your point across.

397

: 00:17:17

That's a good way to break

tension a lot of the time.

398

: 00:17:20

So the funnier you are, the

better professor, or at least

399

: 00:17:22

usually that's what they think.

400

: 00:17:24

My Rate My Professor has hilarious

as a tag on, like, 10 of the

401

: 00:17:27

entries, so I'm pretty proud of that

402

: 00:17:35

Dash: Well and humidity, humor

and intelligence are not…

403

: 00:17:40

What, intelligence isn't the right word.

404

: 00:17:42

Like, excuse me.

405

: 00:17:44

These, like, LaCroix are eating me up.

406

: 00:17:46

I keep burping.

407

: 00:17:49

It's because I haven't eaten anything of

substance But like educated, you know?

408

: 00:17:53

Like someone who is, very, is educated,

humor doesn't have to be inaccessible

409

: 00:17:59

Nothing is made for everybody, but

anything could be made for anybody

410

: 00:18:04

Beck: Right

411

: 00:18:05

Dash: Which, so that got me thinking

about jokes and things from my childhood,

412

: 00:18:08

like dumb hillbilly redneck jokes.

413

: 00:18:12

I was putting that tent

on the top of the truck.

414

: 00:18:15

My neighbor, he's the, like a

Minnesota version of a redneck.

415

: 00:18:18

He used a joke that my mom always uses.

416

: 00:18:22

She, when we were kids, and I think she

probably still does it, he referred to

417

: 00:18:27

the instructions as the destructions.

418

: 00:18:29

Um, Like stupid but also kind

of, kind of smart, you know?

419

: 00:18:34

Beck: Yeah

420

: 00:18:35

Dash: and it's that wordplay

kind of jokes that my, I grew

421

: 00:18:38

up appreciating from my parents.

422

: 00:18:39

I talk a lot about how funny my dad is.

423

: 00:18:41

My mom was funny, too.

424

: 00:18:43

She just didn't have as high a tolerance

for the kind of humor that is mocking.

425

: 00:18:46

Like, we didn't get to, like,

make fun of her or ourselves

426

: 00:18:50

But, you know, a lot of, like, Appalachian

dialect or dialects, because there's

427

: 00:18:55

more than one, are heavily idiomatic.

428

: 00:18:59

There's a lot of idioms, like

wordplay, heavy reliance on simile,

429

: 00:19:06

my dad would always say, that he was

feeling c- S- so it's lazier than

430

: 00:19:09

cairn, but did you ever hear that?

431

: 00:19:11

Lazier than

432

: 00:19:12

Beck: No.

433

: 00:19:13

That's a new one

434

: 00:19:13

Dash: cairn is carrion, uh, a

dead body, a rotting dead body.

435

: 00:19:17

It's actually a

436

: 00:19:18

Beck: Yehaw

437

: 00:19:19

Dash: fancy word for it.

438

: 00:19:20

Carrion is an ACT word.

439

: 00:19:23

But, uh, cairn, everybody who's, you

know, says cairn, that's just the,

440

: 00:19:28

the regional pronunciation of carrion.

441

: 00:19:30

And so D- Dad was saying he

was lazier than a corpse.

442

: 00:19:34

Beck: My dad had some colorful

expressions, my adopted dad.

443

: 00:19:38

One of his best pieces of, of advice

he ever gave me and I carry this with

444

: 00:19:42

me today, "The only way to get on

your feet is to get off your ass."

445

: 00:19:46

That was his wisdom

446

: 00:19:48

Dash: True.

447

: 00:19:49

Beck: Yep.

448

: 00:19:49

Dash: your ass if,

449

: 00:19:50

You can't stand, scoot.

450

: 00:19:51

Fuck it.

451

: 00:19:52

Beck: Yeah.

452

: 00:19:53

Do something with your ass.

453

: 00:19:54

That's really all that's important here.

454

: 00:19:56

Dash: And yeah, so a lot of, like, the

things my dad and my mom, like, their

455

: 00:19:59

jokes were wordplay that I have since

discovered are really intelligent.

456

: 00:20:05

One I always loved, I think my

dad's, funniest ones he called

457

: 00:20:10

sauce what's-his-here sauce

458

: 00:20:15

And the more I thought about it, the

funnier it got to me because one, no-

459

: 00:20:19

you know, the joke was how the fuck

do you pronounce Worcestershire sauce?

460

: 00:20:23

And so what's his here sauce?

461

: 00:20:25

And

462

: 00:20:27

Worcestershire sauce, I just

call it what's his here sauce.

463

: 00:20:30

Beck: What's this here sauce?

464

: 00:20:31

On the internet it has become

famous as washer sister sauce

465

: 00:20:35

Dash: The washer sister, yeah.

466

: 00:20:37

Beck: Yeah.

467

: 00:20:37

She watched your sister's house

468

: 00:20:38

Dash: the craziest part of it is

pronounced Worcestershire sauce.

469

: 00:20:42

That's how you pronounce it

and then we didn't do that.

470

: 00:20:44

That's not redneck.

471

: 00:20:45

That's them English people

472

: 00:20:47

Beck: Redneck jokes.

473

: 00:20:47

W- we, we ha- I had a fondness

for Jeff Foxworthy You Might Be

474

: 00:20:51

a Redneck jokes when I was a kid.

475

: 00:20:53

I might have told this story before,

but we did a, it was called Cafe Ole.

476

: 00:20:57

It was … Come on you two.

477

: 00:20:59

Knock it off.

478

: 00:21:00

It was a talent show for, it was

a fundraiser or something for the

479

: 00:21:04

choir, and me and my friend Tara

got up and read lists of You Might

480

: 00:21:08

Be a Redneck jokes, and we killed.

481

: 00:21:10

Like, people were, like, rolling.

482

: 00:21:11

It was really funny.

483

: 00:21:13

We really like Jeff Foxworthy.

484

: 00:21:14

And then we went to see the Larry

the Cable Guy too, so we talked

485

: 00:21:18

about that last week I think

486

: 00:21:20

Dash: I don't remember much.

487

: 00:21:22

I, they, so the blue collar comedy,

there was four of them, right?

488

: 00:21:26

There

489

: 00:21:26

Beck: Yehaw

490

: 00:21:29

Dash: Bill

491

: 00:21:29

Beck: Billing Vo

492

: 00:21:30

Dash: Ron…

493

: 00:21:32

What was the other dude's name?

494

: 00:21:33

Beck: Run white, run

495

: 00:21:36

Dash: Yeah.

496

: 00:21:37

And Jeff Foxworthy

497

: 00:21:38

Beck: Yehaw

498

: 00:21:39

Ron White had a really funny bit

where he got arrested one time and

499

: 00:21:43

the cop was like, "What's your name?"

500

: 00:21:44

And he was like, "Tater Salad.

501

: 00:21:46

Dash: They call me Tater Salad.

502

: 00:21:49

A- and it's, and my son, Tater Tot.

503

: 00:21:52

The I really, the thing I liked about

that, that particular set too was that

504

: 00:21:57

was where he was talking about being

arrested for being drunk in public,

505

: 00:22:01

and he said, "I was drunk in a bar.

506

: 00:22:04

They threw me into public.

507

: 00:22:08

I was where I was supposed to be.

508

: 00:22:11

was play- I thought I was

playing by the rules."

509

: 00:22:13

I don't remember Bill Engvall that much.

510

: 00:22:16

some quizzes, so I was looking

that up, like redneck trivia

511

: 00:22:19

is what I was looking for.

512

: 00:22:20

it's, a lot of it is based on

either Jeff Foxworthy or some

513

: 00:22:26

bullshit like Hillbilly Elegy

514

: 00:22:27

Beck: Bill Engvall, he was

famous for Here's Your Sign

515

: 00:22:31

Dash: Oh, that's right.

516

: 00:22:32

Yeah, each of them kinda had

their own, like, little quip or

517

: 00:22:36

Beck: Yeah

518

: 00:22:37

Dash: Yeah.

519

: 00:22:38

Which I guess is why that worked.

520

: 00:22:40

That's how you have to be accepted by

majority culture if you're a hillbilly.

521

: 00:22:44

Like, you've

522

: 00:22:44

Beck: Yehaw

523

: 00:22:46

Dash: they can co-opt Um, he also

would make silly lyrics to instrumental

524

: 00:22:54

music, especially like theme music on

shows, always sang this, these lyrics

525

: 00:22:59

to the Star Trek theme song that go,

uh, "Here we go, we're flying to space.

526

: 00:23:06

We're there."

527

: 00:23:09

It's even funnier just

to s- just to say them.

528

: 00:23:13

' Cause the, it's like this

really, like, orchestral swell

529

: 00:23:16

of music, you know, "Here we go."

530

: 00:23:19

He would pronounce suave and

debonair as swave and deboner

531

: 00:23:26

Beck: Have you ever heard

532

: 00:23:27

Uh, what is that guy's name?

533

: 00:23:29

Uh, Henry Cho, I think is his name.

534

: 00:23:31

He talks about a friend that he had whose

name was JB, and when he went to the get

535

: 00:23:37

his driver's license, he put J- uh, J

and then Only and then B and then Only.

536

: 00:23:42

And when he got his driver's

license, it said Jonely Bonely.

537

: 00:23:47

And when he watched the same guy,

he said he watched, uh, Star Trek.

538

: 00:23:50

He's like, "When they going to Boldly Go?"

539

: 00:23:52

And he thought Boldly Go was a

place that they wanted to go.

540

: 00:23:57

Dash: There was somebody, uh, He was,

like, a friend of my dad's best friend.

541

: 00:24:02

he say, he would call

iodized salt idolized salt,

542

: 00:24:08

Beck: Okay.

543

: 00:24:09

Dash: would say, "Boy, it must be good."

544

: 00:24:13

Beck: Another one I quote a lot,

uh, from Henry Cho is he, he said

545

: 00:24:16

he was in a car with this same…

546

: 00:24:17

His friend was an idiot,

that was the joke, right?

547

: 00:24:19

He was like, and the guy was like,

"What's that clicking noise?"

548

: 00:24:23

He's like, "I hear some

kind of clicking noise."

549

: 00:24:25

And he, it turns out to

be the, uh, turn signal.

550

: 00:24:30

So every time you leave your turn signal

on I'm like, "What's that clicking noise?"

551

: 00:24:34

I recommend Henry Cho if you've

never listened to any of his stuff

552

: 00:24:37

Dash: never heard of him,

so I'm gonna look him up.

553

: 00:24:40

Mom liked the, uh, sort

of one-liner jokes.

554

: 00:24:43

So like, what do…

555

: 00:24:44

She, uh, made me laugh really hard

when I was a kid with what do you, or

556

: 00:24:48

how do you catch a unique butterfly?

557

: 00:24:51

Beck: You neck up on it

558

: 00:24:53

Dash: Yehaw

559

: 00:24:54

Beck: Do you know how you

catch a tame butterfly?

560

: 00:24:56

The same way

561

: 00:24:58

Dash: Nice.

562

: 00:24:59

Did I tell you about I was

at the tractor pull and…

563

: 00:25:02

No, it was the

564

: 00:25:03

The demolition derby,

565

: 00:25:05

Beck: My favorite

566

: 00:25:07

Dash: Yeah.

567

: 00:25:07

And so they had to like, you know,

kill time, and so the, the MC is

568

: 00:25:11

doing crowd work, and he sucks at it.

569

: 00:25:14

So he's asking people, "Does

anybody know any jokes?"

570

: 00:25:18

You're really asking for it

if you do that, by the way.

571

: 00:25:20

He deserved this.

572

: 00:25:21

You don't do that.

573

: 00:25:22

That's not crowd work.

574

: 00:25:23

That's not how you MC.

575

: 00:25:24

You never…

576

: 00:25:25

So anyway, a child, like, I mean, like,

little bi- little bitty baby voice a kid

577

: 00:25:33

asked for the mic and he goes, " What kind

of shoes does the child snatcher wear?"

578

: 00:25:39

And the guy, the MC was like, and before

he could stop him, he goes, "White Vans."

579

: 00:25:47

It just, the, like, ripple of

discomfort that went through

580

: 00:25:51

the crowd was so incredible.

581

: 00:25:53

It was palpable, and it

started the moment…

582

: 00:25:57

Like, the word child snatcher coming

out of this, like, eight-year-old

583

: 00:26:00

boy's mouth booming over the

mic system at the county fair.

584

: 00:26:05

It was amazing.

585

: 00:26:07

First of all, I had never heard that joke

before, so it was genuinely funny to me.

586

: 00:26:11

But

587

: 00:26:11

Beck: Right

588

: 00:26:12

Dash: the horror of,

like, so many questions.

589

: 00:26:16

Why does he know that joke?

590

: 00:26:17

Why does he know-

591

: 00:26:19

Beck: 'Cause he has a

brother, I'm sure, or an uncle

592

: 00:26:21

Dash: But why does he know

to call them child snatchers?

593

: 00:26:24

Like, that is such a specific phrase

594

: 00:26:26

Beck: Right?

595

: 00:26:27

True that.

596

: 00:26:34

Dash: this is not funny, this is a serious

thing, but Lexington, is it like…

597

: 00:26:38

I don't know.

598

: 00:26:39

K- some town in Kentucky has, is,

found a new way to bootleg Uh, have

599

: 00:26:45

you heard about these shock gloves?

600

: 00:26:46

I don't know what the company is.

601

: 00:26:49

Let me find out.

602

: 00:26:50

It just says a Lexington, Kentucky…

603

: 00:26:54

Oh, Compliant Technologies

604

: 00:26:56

Beck: That sounds not problematic at all

605

: 00:26:59

Dash: created a device which the

company calls the G.L.O.V.E.,

606

: 00:27:08

the glove, generated low

output voltage emitter.

607

: 00:27:12

That is some ChatGPT

bullshit if I ever heard it

608

: 00:27:15

Beck: Right?

609

: 00:27:16

Dash: But is, they're shock gloves.

610

: 00:27:19

They're gloves you can put on and

shock somebody into submission.

611

: 00:27:23

Beck: Jesus

612

: 00:27:24

Dash: yeah, ICE has just ordered,

put in a big order for them.

613

: 00:27:28

That's, you know, it's, its own thing.

614

: 00:27:30

But Andy Beshear up, 'cause

it's caused an uproar, right?

615

: 00:27:34

People are, there's the b- the bootlickers

who are like, "I support this."

616

: 00:27:38

And I know that those are mostly bots

on like the W- WLEX Facebook pages or

617

: 00:27:44

whatever, but I was in there commenting

like, "I bet you'll still support it

618

: 00:27:49

when they're around your neck, because

you're a bootlicking fool that ain't got

619

: 00:27:52

the sense to get in out of the rain."

620

: 00:27:55

So Andy Beshear is like, "I don't

have a problem with them existing.

621

: 00:27:59

I just have a problem with them being

distributed to, like, the least trained,

622

: 00:28:05

alleged, uh, peacekeeping force."

623

: 00:28:09

I'm paraphrasing him here, but he did

say, he t- did talk about their training.

624

: 00:28:14

I have a problem with them existing.

625

: 00:28:16

They, that shouldn't exist Besides

the fact that no human being

626

: 00:28:22

should be given that kind of

control over another human being.

627

: 00:28:27

There's no scenario in which

anybody should need that.

628

: 00:28:31

Certainly not the people who

already have fucking guns and

629

: 00:28:33

billy clubs and taser guns.

630

: 00:28:36

Y- they don't need that.

631

: 00:28:38

That is for control.

632

: 00:28:39

That's, there's no argument you

could give me that's for self-defense

633

: 00:28:43

Beck: Right?

634

: 00:28:44

Dash: So they already don't

need to exist in principle.

635

: 00:28:47

But those are gonna be

distributed to cops eventually.

636

: 00:28:51

It's gonna be cops who are G- like, I

don't know the percentage, but we know

637

: 00:28:57

that there's plenty of corrupt cops,

and we know that they sell the guns and

638

: 00:29:02

drugs that they confiscate because they

keep getting caught doing it I- you

639

: 00:29:06

know in Jellico for instance, like that,

they spent, they were the drug dealers.

640

: 00:29:11

They also are the They're the people who

pimp out young girls who get, you know,

641

: 00:29:17

caught for minor offenses or whatever.

642

: 00:29:18

That's…

643

: 00:29:20

anything that gets into the hands

of these corrupt cops will be on

644

: 00:29:25

the streets that day Child snatching

is what made me think of this.

645

: 00:29:29

How fucking easy is it gonna be to

kidnap somebody now if you can just grab

646

: 00:29:33

them and shock them into submission?

647

: 00:29:35

How much

648

: 00:29:35

Beck: Right?

649

: 00:29:36

Dash: violent crime gonna be?

650

: 00:29:37

So I have a problem with them existing

and I'm fucking tired of finding

651

: 00:29:43

new things to have problems with

652

: 00:29:45

Beck: Right?

653

: 00:29:46

It's exhausting

654

: 00:29:47

Dash: It's so dystopian, these things

655

: 00:29:50

Beck: Have you ever read 1984?

656

: 00:29:52

Dash: Yehaw

657

: 00:29:55

Beck: book, and there are many parallels

to where we are today to that book

658

: 00:29:59

Dash: Yeah.

659

: 00:30:00

It, you know, the thing that people

remember from that book most often is

660

: 00:30:03

the Big Brother thing, which, i- yeah.

661

: 00:30:06

But there's a lot of emphasis on

the rhetoric of public suasion.

662

: 00:30:13

Like for instance the idea that this

manufactured war is constant, the

663

: 00:30:18

ongoing war between Oceania and East

Asia, that, you know, it has both

664

: 00:30:24

always been at war, but also never.

665

: 00:30:26

There's not a war in Oceania.

666

: 00:30:28

So like, it's, the- they keep this

constant war raging to keep their

667

: 00:30:34

citizens aware of how violent

things could get, you know?

668

: 00:30:38

And like, "Oh, we're protecting you from

that," or whatever Anyway, comedy Uh,

669

: 00:30:43

kind of dumb thing is, like, dad jokes.

670

: 00:30:46

I don't understand why we even like those.

671

: 00:30:48

Like, w- what do we

672

: 00:30:49

Beck: We call them Aunt Beck

jokes in my family 'cause, 'cause

673

: 00:30:52

sometimes they're hilarious.

674

: 00:30:54

Like, what do you call

a judge with no thumbs?

675

: 00:30:57

Dash: I don't know

676

: 00:30:58

Beck: Justice Fingers

677

: 00:31:03

Dash: No, I'm not saying

they're not hilarious.

678

: 00:31:04

I'm asking why are they hilarious?

679

: 00:31:07

Beck: I think it goes back to just,

you know, a, a chi- not childish, but

680

: 00:31:12

childlike interest in The absurd, I

guess, you know, because it's, 'cause

681

: 00:31:18

that's why farts are funny, you know?

682

: 00:31:20

Because it's part of the human condition.

683

: 00:31:22

Everybody farts, and everybody,

you know, sometimes makes

684

: 00:31:26

plays on words accidentally.

685

: 00:31:28

That kind of…

686

: 00:31:28

it's, I love it.

687

: 00:31:29

I love it.

688

: 00:31:30

Do you know what a pirate's

favorite letter is?

689

: 00:31:32

Dash: R

690

: 00:31:33

Beck: No, 'tis the sea they love

691

: 00:31:36

Dash: Fuck.

692

: 00:31:39

Yeah, I, and I think also the fact

that they're lowbrow, uh, the, a

693

: 00:31:42

lowbrow aesthetic, that's exactly

what I was talking about earlier with

694

: 00:31:46

things that could be accessible by

anyone, but are, but not everyone.

695

: 00:31:51

You know, something doesn't

have to be for everyone to, but

696

: 00:31:54

something could be for anyone.

697

: 00:31:56

Like,

698

: 00:31:56

Beck: Right

699

: 00:31:57

Dash: m- write something

that's every single person is

700

: 00:32:00

gonna like, for instance, is

701

: 00:32:01

Beck: Right

702

: 00:32:02

Dash: You can't please everybody.

703

: 00:32:03

But

704

: 00:32:04

Beck: Yeah

705

: 00:32:04

Dash: something that any

given person could access

706

: 00:32:08

Beck: Do you know why Snoop

Dogg carries an umbrella?

707

: 00:32:11

Dash: or drizzle

708

: 00:32:12

Beck: Or drizzle You have to

say it as white as possible.

709

: 00:32:16

Four drizzle

710

: 00:32:18

Dash: Or drizzle, yeah.

711

: 00:32:19

And you cannot complete the

phrase if you are white.

712

: 00:32:23

Uh, okay.

713

: 00:32:24

I l- there was a storm last night.

714

: 00:32:26

I lost 25% of my roof.

715

: 00:32:29

Oof

716

: 00:32:30

Beck: Really?

717

: 00:32:31

Dash: No.

718

: 00:32:32

Beck: Oh.

719

: 00:32:33

Got it.

720

: 00:32:33

Sorry.

721

: 00:32:33

I was like, "Oh, . Why

didn't you lead with that?"

722

: 00:32:37

Dash: Ellie, we just now gotten there.

723

: 00:32:39

Beck: Yehaw Oof

724

: 00:32:42

Dash: What's the darkest joke you've

ever heard that you still laughed at?

725

: 00:32:47

Beck: I read one yesterday.

726

: 00:32:49

That's funny that you would bring that up.

727

: 00:32:51

You know s- why six is

scared of seven, right?

728

: 00:32:54

Dash: Okay, seven, eight, nine

729

: 00:32:56

Beck: Yeah.

730

: 00:32:56

Do you know why nine is afraid of 10?

731

: 00:32:59

Dash: No

732

: 00:33:00

' Beck: Cause it's right

in the middle of 9/11

733

: 00:33:02

Dash: Great.

734

: 00:33:04

Beck: Not the dark, joke.

735

: 00:33:05

No, that's just the most

recent dark joke I've heard

736

: 00:33:07

Dash: Hi, Ziggy.

737

: 00:33:09

Ziggy said, "I don't approve."

738

: 00:33:11

There was one on the Smosh show,

which I didn't ever actually like.

739

: 00:33:16

I…

740

: 00:33:16

Or not that I didn't like it, I didn't

actually watch that kind of stuff.

741

: 00:33:20

That was before I got into being

on the internet, basically.

742

: 00:33:24

But there was a challenge where, you

know, somebody would have to take a drink

743

: 00:33:27

of water and other- and people would

come out and try to make them laugh.

744

: 00:33:30

so told the darkest joke I think

I've ever heard, and I did laugh

745

: 00:33:36

at it, and then I sort of stopped.

746

: 00:33:37

So, so she said "Say what you will

about pedophiles, but at least they

747

: 00:33:42

drive slowly through school zones."

748

: 00:33:46

Yeah.

749

: 00:33:47

Beck: That's funny

750

: 00:33:50

Dash: Everything about it is funny.

751

: 00:33:51

Like the way it's structured, right?

752

: 00:33:53

Like, you open with, "Say what

you will about pedophiles."

753

: 00:33:56

And then to land it with something

that is, does actually work in the

754

: 00:33:59

form of the joke and it is also,

like, even more like, "What the fuck?

755

: 00:34:03

Oh my God."

756

: 00:34:04

Beck: That's funny

757

: 00:34:11

Dash: Oh, I watched, I know this

isn't a media report, but I watched

758

: 00:34:14

a movie last night that has been

on my radar since it came out.

759

: 00:34:18

called Teeth.

760

: 00:34:19

Do you know this movie?

761

: 00:34:21

Beck: No.

762

: 00:34:21

Dash: It's a horror, it's a horror

763

: 00:34:23

Beck: I have, I, I do not have my finger

on the pulse of horror movies these days.

764

: 00:34:27

I can give you, I can tell you that

765

: 00:34:29

Dash: Well, this one's from 2007, and I

think that's part of its significance.

766

: 00:34:34

it's about the vagina dentata,

767

: 00:34:37

Beck: Vagina would what a?

768

: 00:34:39

Dash: dentata, vagina

769

: 00:34:42

Beck: That's terrible

770

: 00:34:44

Dash: Yeah.

771

: 00:34:44

It's a, it's an old, it's

a, I think a Greek myth.

772

: 00:34:48

It to me is a spiritual sister to

Medusa, and the movie makes that

773

: 00:34:54

argument as well, of, uh, it's a way

that men justified or made sense of

774

: 00:35:01

maybe fear of the vagina that they

didn't understand or a feeling that it

775

: 00:35:05

had power over them that was dangerous.

776

: 00:35:08

And somebody, you know, in the myth,

a hero has to conquer the monster.

777

: 00:35:13

I don't know how it, it does it.

778

: 00:35:14

I'm not super versed in the myth.

779

: 00:35:15

I'm just kind of aware of it as a trope.

780

: 00:35:18

So the movie, it's a monster

movie, but the monster is

781

: 00:35:21

this girl's vagina, and she…

782

: 00:35:24

I- it's, I liked it.

783

: 00:35:26

You know, I li- I really liked it

because it takes that trope, tells

784

: 00:35:30

it from the perspective of a girl.

785

: 00:35:32

Like, what does knowledge

like that, what does having

786

: 00:35:34

knowledge like that do to a girl?

787

: 00:35:37

And this is…

788

: 00:35:37

They also, uh, tell it from the

perspective of somebody who's, she's

789

: 00:35:40

like an abstinence warrior, you know?

790

: 00:35:42

You remember those, like,

promise people that would put

791

: 00:35:45

Beck: Oh yeah, we talk

about them every semester.

792

: 00:35:47

Yeah, we talk about them

793

: 00:35:49

Dash: It, she's one of those.

794

: 00:35:50

Beck: Gotcha

795

: 00:35:51

Dash: and the, the movie works for a

number of reasons, but one is like,

796

: 00:35:55

I don't, they don't make them like

that anymore because It's, first of

797

: 00:35:59

all, it's really shredding these men.

798

: 00:36:01

They're getting their dicks

chomped off, and it shows it

799

: 00:36:06

because they won't stop raping her.

800

: 00:36:08

Like, uh, three of them, in

fact, three different kinds of

801

: 00:36:13

invasion, but it's a comedy.

802

: 00:36:15

It's a dark comedy.

803

: 00:36:17

And, like, I don't think it's

that we couldn't make that movie,

804

: 00:36:21

it's that these days, right?

805

: 00:36:22

I think it's that no one would try.

806

: 00:36:24

Because me saying that makes it sound like

the kinda thing that should not exist.

807

: 00:36:29

I assure you, it, it's

a good movie, right?

808

: 00:36:32

It handles the subject

matter a way that works.

809

: 00:36:37

It doesn't sound possible from our

current moment of cinema and rape

810

: 00:36:42

culture, but this was 20 years ago.

811

: 00:36:46

That's not to say rape culture has gotten

worse or anything like that, or that it

812

: 00:36:53

h- has at all changed,

but I don't think we…

813

: 00:36:54

What I'm getting at is this, this movie

made me think that I don't think we've

814

: 00:36:56

improved in our ability to talk about and

sit with the discomfort of rape culture.

815

: 00:37:02

think, I think we might have

actually gotten a little worse at it

816

: 00:37:06

Beck: I it, it is a difficult

topic to, to approach

817

: 00:37:09

Dash: Mm-hmm.

818

: 00:37:10

Beck: Because e- everybody knows

somebody who has been sexually

819

: 00:37:13

assaulted, but nobody wants to

believe they know rapists, you know?

820

: 00:37:17

And that doesn't quite mesh out.

821

: 00:37:20

Like, yeah, you do, 'cause it doesn't

take a quote-unquote bad person

822

: 00:37:24

that you would think of as a bad

person to do bad things, you know?

823

: 00:37:27

People that you think are good

can do definitely bad things.

824

: 00:37:31

Dash: And

825

: 00:37:32

movie it does that, right?

826

: 00:37:34

It shows different ways

that assault can occur.

827

: 00:37:38

It's, you know, there's the

one stereotypical version.

828

: 00:37:41

We see that.

829

: 00:37:42

But there's also a medical

scenario where he doesn't listen

830

: 00:37:45

to her boundaries, you know?

831

: 00:37:46

It wasn't sexual at all.

832

: 00:37:48

It was just an invasion.

833

: 00:37:49

There was a revenge porn

kind of scenario, right?

834

: 00:37:54

Where she wanted to s- to be with

this guy, but then later revoked her

835

: 00:37:59

consent because she found something out.

836

: 00:38:01

It…

837

: 00:38:02

I loved it.

838

: 00:38:02

I thought it did a great job.

839

: 00:38:04

and i- you know, it has some

blood in it, but it is not gory.

840

: 00:38:07

It's not even…

841

: 00:38:08

Dicks are chopped off, and it's…

842

: 00:38:10

I wouldn't call it body horror.

843

: 00:38:12

It probably is for cis dudes who see

that because it's terrifying, but it…

844

: 00:38:16

What I mean is it doesn't fit the

genre conventions of body horror.

845

: 00:38:20

just horrific, you know?

846

: 00:38:23

Beck: am personally pro

having dicks cut off, so

847

: 00:38:26

Dash: You should watch this movie.

848

: 00:38:27

I really think you'd like it, and I

think that it would give you something

849

: 00:38:32

to reference when you're teaching this,

you know, in, in, like, your courses.

850

: 00:38:37

Listeners, if you think I'm completely

wrong or whatever for that, th-

851

: 00:38:41

y- you have every right, right,

to think that, and I'm aware that

852

: 00:38:44

it's a problematic text, and I'm

aware that it's a difficult topic.

853

: 00:38:48

I'm aware that this

story was told by a man.

854

: 00:38:50

In a way, that's even more

interesting to me, but I understand

855

: 00:38:53

if that's a turn-off for you.

856

: 00:38:55

Like, he's…

857

: 00:38:56

And he's only made,

like, two other movies.

858

: 00:38:58

Beck: Interesting choice.

859

: 00:39:00

Dash: you make this?

860

: 00:39:00

Yeah, right,

861

: 00:39:01

the Obsession guy.

862

: 00:39:02

Why did you choose to tell this story?

863

: 00:39:05

I think I…

864

: 00:39:05

It sounds really judgmental, and it

is, but I'm genuinely interested.

865

: 00:39:09

Like, I wanna know how this happened

866

: 00:39:11

Beck: Yeah.

867

: 00:39:12

Speaking of bad movies, we went to see

Super Troopers at the drive-in, and it

868

: 00:39:16

was so bad we left before it was over

869

: 00:39:18

Dash: Aw.

870

: 00:39:20

Beck: Like, there were so many

things they coulda d- it just the,

871

: 00:39:23

the storyline just wasn't funny.

872

: 00:39:25

The storyline is that, uh, the, the

I'll Take a Liter of Cola guy is

873

: 00:39:32

marrying one of the guy's, one of

the other cop's brother or sister.

874

: 00:39:35

And it's just a whole bunch of wedding

jokes and dick jokes and like there were

875

: 00:39:41

no meows, Well, there was one meow, but

I mean, it was a throwback to the other

876

: 00:39:45

movie, but there were no like funny

scenes like that, you know what I mean?

877

: 00:39:49

'Cause that's what built Super Troopers

the first one were the little side quests

878

: 00:39:53

is what made that movie their pranks

and stuff like that, and they didn't

879

: 00:39:56

do nearly enough of that in this film.

880

: 00:39:58

It was just a money grab, you can tell

881

: 00:40:00

Dash: that was another one that was

about a, a sensitive topic, right?

882

: 00:40:05

Like that would, that's the kind of movie

that, the first one I mean, I don't if

883

: 00:40:10

we would, if anybody would make it these

884

: 00:40:12

Beck: Yehaw

885

: 00:40:14

Dash: and police corruption, and,

you know, they're sort of, they

886

: 00:40:19

gotta make the case that they should

be allowed to exist as police.

887

: 00:40:23

That's the whole point of that, the, the

plot of that movie is, you know, they

888

: 00:40:27

should be allowed to continue to police.

889

: 00:40:29

They're trying to save, it's

like trying to save the ski

890

: 00:40:31

lodge or whatever, except they're

891

: 00:40:33

Beck: Right.

892

: 00:40:34

Yeah

893

: 00:40:35

Dash: And so, you know, these days

if you wanna make that argument, I'm

894

: 00:40:39

like, "That's okay, just go ahead.

895

: 00:40:41

We don't need you."

896

: 00:40:42

You know?

897

: 00:40:43

"We have too

898

: 00:40:43

Beck: Yehaw

899

: 00:40:44

Dash: But it is still a hysterical movie,

900

: 00:40:47

Beck: follow, uh, WeRateDogs?

901

: 00:40:49

Do you know that, that webpage,

that Facebook account, WeRateDogs?

902

: 00:40:53

Dash: Yeah

903

: 00:40:54

Beck: I watched one of their videos the

other day, and they were talking about

904

: 00:40:58

police officers that came up, and the guy,

the regular guy that does all of their

905

: 00:41:02

things I forget what it, what the dog was

doing, but he said, "Unlike the cop um,

906

: 00:41:08

serves some sort of purpose in humanity."

907

: 00:41:10

And it was like, well,

that was a broad statement.

908

: 00:41:14

You know what I mean?

909

: 00:41:14

He was clearly anti-police in

his statement, which I found

910

: 00:41:18

super interesting, because

they, like, appeal to everyone.

911

: 00:41:21

Like, they're the most unoffensive company

that I've ever seen, and yet they're

912

: 00:41:26

coming out with their anti-cop messaging.

913

: 00:41:28

I was like, damn.

914

: 00:41:30

And then, it's, there's the election

for um, senator and for governor

915

: 00:41:34

in Michigan, and I get a lot of

Michigan, uh, news and commercials

916

: 00:41:38

and stuff here, 'cause I'm so close.

917

: 00:41:40

There's one of the guys that's

running for governor he basically

918

: 00:41:44

the news, the conservative news

outlets have called him dangerous.

919

: 00:41:47

So he's like, "Yeah, I'm real dangerous.

920

: 00:41:49

They call me dangerous."

921

: 00:41:51

And they made that into, like,

a, a commercial where he says

922

: 00:41:54

it over and over, and it's c-

supposed to be like in a gotcha.

923

: 00:41:57

Like, even he says he's

dangerous, that kind of thing.

924

: 00:42:00

And they're like, he wants, uh, one

of the, one of the quotes in it is,

925

: 00:42:03

he says, "When I'm governor, we won't

spend a dollar of Michigan money to

926

: 00:42:07

enforce federal immigration policy."

927

: 00:42:09

I thought it was a, like,

pro-this-dude message.

928

: 00:42:14

And then I realized it was, like,

an attack ad, and I was like, what?

929

: 00:42:18

Dash: Yeah.

930

: 00:42:18

Fox News keeps, like, accidentally…

931

: 00:42:21

I mean, you know, they're, like,

saying shit that's supposed to

932

: 00:42:23

scare us, and I'm like, "That sounds

like a pretty reasonable platform."

933

: 00:42:26

Like, they have gone

934

: 00:42:27

Beck: Yehaw

935

: 00:42:29

Dash: that moderate sounds

inflammatory to them

936

: 00:42:38

well, so we didn't any

other homework this week.

937

: 00:42:43

We didn't do a sponso-

I didn't do a sponsor.

938

: 00:42:47

actually did her homework, but w- we

just decided we just can't this week.

939

: 00:42:52

We're sorry

940

: 00:42:53

Beck: Yeah.

941

: 00:42:53

Dash: do it.

942

: 00:42:54

Beck: We're sorry.

943

: 00:42:55

Yeah, we, y- you know, we're, we'll

do some extra credit to make up for it

944

: 00:42:59

Dash: Yeah.

945

: 00:43:00

And, you know, I have, I have some

ideas, but the, that sort of brings up

946

: 00:43:04

another issue of, like, the reason why

I didn't have time to do it is because

947

: 00:43:09

I'm starting a new job, and I have to

prepare a bunch of classes, and I have to

948

: 00:43:12

do a bunch of onboarding that requires me

to be in sessions all, for a full week.

949

: 00:43:19

So, w- we're sorry to say we're

gonna ki- take a couple weeks off.

950

: 00:43:24

we never have been the kind of production

that can record way ahead in the

951

: 00:43:29

future because it's just us putting

shit together with whatever we find.

952

: 00:43:35

Me having to teach myself how to

edit, uh, Beck trying to learn

953

: 00:43:39

how to format and write, uh, you

know, interesting sounding…

954

: 00:43:42

I can't imagine making a newsletter out

of whatever the hell we say, you know?

955

: 00:43:46

So it's just, we're just fucking

around and having fun, but that

956

: 00:43:49

has not lent itself to us being

able to get a long runway of

957

: 00:43:54

things where we can take some time.

958

: 00:43:56

So I'm not gonna do that obnoxious

thing some, uh, shows will do

959

: 00:44:00

because they still need to meet,

like, their download minimums.

960

: 00:44:03

We don't have to do that 'cause

nobody's paying us, where they'll,

961

: 00:44:05

like, just, like, drop an old episode

into the feed so it looks like you

962

: 00:44:08

got a new episode but you didn't.

963

: 00:44:09

I'm not gonna do that because I don't

understand why we would do that.

964

: 00:44:14

go enjoy some old episodes.

965

: 00:44:17

I thought it would be cool for us to

play some games again, and I can I can,

966

: 00:44:24

uh, edit those separately and post them

on the YouTube so you can go and some,

967

: 00:44:29

us do dumb shit on YouTube if you would

like i- while we're not on the, the

968

: 00:44:34

podcast apps for the next couple weeks

969

: 00:44:39

Dash-2: So if you would like to

know how we got from here to the

970

: 00:44:45

madness you hear in the next cut,

subscribe to the YouTube channel.

971

: 00:44:50

I'm gonna post those videos there.

972

: 00:44:53

And the information on how to

subscribe to the YouTube channel

973

: 00:44:56

is, in the episode description,

974

: 00:44:59

but it's also just queer neck.

975

: 00:45:01

On YouTube.

976

: 00:45:02

I forgot to put the S on.

977

: 00:45:04

I don't know how I did that.

978

: 00:45:08

Dash: 1.4?

979

: 00:45:09

Beck (2): W- yeah.

980

: 00:45:10

1.4.

981

: 00:45:11

All right, press sta- space to go forward

982

: 00:45:15

Dash: All right, you got it.

983

: 00:45:16

Beck (2): Oh, nope

984

: 00:45:17

Dash: Jesse Owens.

985

: 00:45:18

Wait a minute He just…

986

: 00:45:19

He's doing floor work

like a fucking drag queen.

987

: 00:45:23

Beck (2): That was just

m- minus two meters

988

: 00:45:25

Okay, minus 1.2

989

: 00:45:26

meters.

990

: 00:45:28

Everyone is a winner.

991

: 00:45:29

I don't know about that, Qwop.

992

: 00:45:31

I don't know about that.

993

: 00:45:32

I don't think everyone is a winner

994

: 00:45:34

Dash: This is like a

negative personal best.

995

: 00:45:37

This is the furthest

backwards anybody has gone.

996

: 00:45:42

Oh.

997

: 00:45:43

that was humbling.

998

: 00:45:45

Beck (2): Indeed

999

: 00:45:45

Dash: Qwop.

: 1000

00:45:46,715 --> 00:45:50,005

These are, they're called ragdoll

games, and I don't know if this was

: 1001

00:45:50,005 --> 00:45:53,374

the first one, I seriously doubt it,

but like I think it popularized it.

: 1002

00:45:53,384 --> 00:45:57,704

There, there are like ones now, I

saw some guy playing one that you

: 1003

00:45:57,754 --> 00:46:04,337

were supposed to do that, but like

jump through the security system.

: 1004

00:46:04,427 --> 00:46:05,347

Beck (2): Oh, Jesus

: 1005

00:46:06,323 --> 00:46:07,083

Dash: p- pulling that

: 1006

00:46:07,853 --> 00:46:09,083

get the man over the, the

: 1007

00:46:09,083 --> 00:46:09,893

starting line.

: 1008

00:46:10,101 --> 00:46:10,601

Beck (2): Right?

: 1009

00:46:13,522 --> 00:46:16,552

That would take some dexterity that

my brain is just not mapped for

: 1010

00:46:16,692 --> 00:46:20,786

Dash: I, I have tried to play

the, the shoot 'em up games on

: 1011

00:46:20,790 --> 00:46:23,005

the Xbox and, and PlayStation.

: 1012

00:46:23,415 --> 00:46:24,365

I tried to…

: 1013

00:46:24,443 --> 00:46:27,762

'Cause there's like the, each of

the, sh- what are these called?

: 1014

00:46:28,292 --> 00:46:29,102

do with your thumbs.

: 1015

00:46:29,362 --> 00:46:29,372

Beck (2): Uh,

: 1016

00:46:29,372 --> 00:46:29,992

Dash: Joysticks.

: 1017

00:46:30,002 --> 00:46:30,402

Beck (2): yeah

: 1018

00:46:31,112 --> 00:46:35,333

Dash: Controls a different kind of

movement, and so I, um, every time

: 1019

00:46:35,333 --> 00:46:40,998

I tried to play Halo, my dude just

did this, and so he just looked up at

: 1020

00:46:40,998 --> 00:46:43,388

the sky and spun around in circles.

: 1021

00:46:44,772 --> 00:46:48,456

And he would always wind up

in a corner doing that, just

: 1022

00:46:48,856 --> 00:46:50,196

looking up at the sky twirling.

: 1023

00:46:53,480 --> 00:46:58,040

Which maybe is what I would do in

a scenario like Halo, I don't know.

: 1024

00:47:00,137 --> 00:47:00,557

Fuck.

: 1025

00:47:01,357 --> 00:47:04,590

we hope that that was a little

amusing to, uh, listen to, or

: 1026

00:47:04,590 --> 00:47:07,159

watch, this winds up looking like.

: 1027

00:47:07,369 --> 00:47:12,427

If there is a YouTube video, there will

be a link in the top of the episode

: 1028

00:47:12,437 --> 00:47:16,193

description on whatever listening

app you have, or if you're already

: 1029

00:47:16,193 --> 00:47:17,773

watching on YouTube, you can just…

: 1030

00:47:17,823 --> 00:47:19,493

listening on YouTube,

you can just go there.

: 1031

00:47:19,813 --> 00:47:22,223

And then I'll post it on the social media.

: 1032

00:47:22,283 --> 00:47:25,267

It'll be in the, the newsletter,

you know, you'll have access to it.

: 1033

00:47:25,472 --> 00:47:28,822

Or you could just go to our YouTube

channel, which is just Queerneck.

: 1034

00:47:29,112 --> 00:47:32,082

I don't know why, but I forgot to put the

S on it when I made the YouTube channel.

: 1035

00:47:35,947 --> 00:47:39,047

Beck (2): We are

well-oiled, that is for sure

: 1036

00:47:41,236 --> 00:47:41,416

Dash: oiled.

: 1037

00:47:41,752 --> 00:47:43,512

Beck (2): Like hair that

haint been washed in a week

: 1038

00:47:44,254 --> 00:47:47,310

Dash: Oh God, I wanna tell you

this story before we leave because

: 1039

00:47:47,320 --> 00:47:48,570

it is really cracking me up.

: 1040

00:47:48,973 --> 00:47:54,266

My neighbor has a teenager, I, I think

around that age, who is at the age where

: 1041

00:47:54,986 --> 00:47:56,056

to find ways to look

: 1042

00:47:56,066 --> 00:47:56,976

cool, you know?

: 1043

00:47:57,356 --> 00:47:57,646

Beck (2): Right

: 1044

00:47:57,830 --> 00:47:58,700

Dash: And, uh, he seems…

: 1045

00:47:58,750 --> 00:47:59,970

He's a nice kid, right?

: 1046

00:47:59,970 --> 00:48:00,817

I'm sure he's great.

: 1047

00:48:01,197 --> 00:48:02,907

These are innocuous, you

know, he's not gonna…

: 1048

00:48:02,957 --> 00:48:06,317

Well, he might hurt himself because

the one I, the one that I most

: 1049

00:48:06,317 --> 00:48:08,177

recently observed is really stupid.

: 1050

00:48:09,427 --> 00:48:14,297

a lot of it revolves around the little

golf carts they all drive around here.

: 1051

00:48:15,147 --> 00:48:17,907

very common for people

to drive golf carts.

: 1052

00:48:17,907 --> 00:48:18,873

Like, the grownups do

: 1053

00:48:20,053 --> 00:48:20,913

and the kids do

: 1054

00:48:20,913 --> 00:48:21,663

it way too young.

: 1055

00:48:21,891 --> 00:48:22,261

Beck (2): Yeah

: 1056

00:48:22,534 --> 00:48:24,504

Dash: tiny children

driving golf carts around.

: 1057

00:48:24,675 --> 00:48:28,796

And so I saw him one day over the

summer, was driving it from the

: 1058

00:48:28,796 --> 00:48:31,301

passenger seat he had his foot over

: 1059

00:48:31,336 --> 00:48:32,036

Beck (2): Like a mailman

: 1060

00:48:32,241 --> 00:48:33,611

Dash: pressing the pedal down.

: 1061

00:48:34,016 --> 00:48:37,806

and he was reaching across steering, and

he was sitting on the passenger side.

: 1062

00:48:37,816 --> 00:48:39,756

And I was like, "Okay, whatever.

: 1063

00:48:40,956 --> 00:48:41,496

That's…"

: 1064

00:48:42,042 --> 00:48:44,402

It's the kind of thing yous, you

can tell he's doing to see if

: 1065

00:48:44,402 --> 00:48:45,708

anybody has noticed, you know?

: 1066

00:48:45,708 --> 00:48:47,888

It's like a, "Look at me, look

what I can do," kind of thing.

: 1067

00:48:48,888 --> 00:48:49,858

So whatever.

: 1068

00:48:49,908 --> 00:48:52,452

Stupid, dangerous, but probably

not gonna, like, kill anybody.

: 1069

00:48:52,452 --> 00:48:54,162

These, those things go,

like, 10 miles an hour.

: 1070

00:48:54,437 --> 00:48:56,407

But now he has…

: 1071

00:48:56,527 --> 00:49:00,167

The, the kids all around

here gotten into the e-bikes.

: 1072

00:49:00,217 --> 00:49:04,512

They, They, make these e-bikes that

are, like, they look like, motorcycles,

: 1073

00:49:04,610 --> 00:49:08,851

but they don't None of them have, like,

combustion engine powered things here.

: 1074

00:49:08,861 --> 00:49:10,251

It's all electric stuff.

: 1075

00:49:10,501 --> 00:49:10,761

So it's

: 1076

00:49:11,551 --> 00:49:12,661

cool doing anything on a

: 1077

00:49:12,661 --> 00:49:13,571

fucking e-bike.

: 1078

00:49:13,811 --> 00:49:14,231

Beck (2): Right

: 1079

00:49:14,458 --> 00:49:15,718

Dash: but I saw him the other day.

: 1080

00:49:15,718 --> 00:49:17,388

He, there was a girl with him.

: 1081

00:49:17,439 --> 00:49:21,694

She was riding just a regular scooter,

and he was on an e-bike like, he was…

: 1082

00:49:21,704 --> 00:49:22,604

steering it.

: 1083

00:49:22,687 --> 00:49:26,475

he had to twist around to grab

the handlebars, and he had

: 1084

00:49:26,475 --> 00:49:27,995

both of his legs on one side.

: 1085

00:49:28,165 --> 00:49:32,347

And I was like, "In your mind, that

looks incredibly cool, but I don't

: 1086

00:49:32,347 --> 00:49:36,797

think you realize that what you're

doing is riding an e-bike sidesaddle."

: 1087

00:49:37,717 --> 00:49:40,240

That's one of the least cool

: 1088

00:49:41,648 --> 00:49:42,668

Beck (2): That's hilarious.

: 1089

00:49:42,710 --> 00:49:43,810

Dash: never recover that.

: 1090

00:49:43,820 --> 00:49:46,256

If you did that your

: 1091

00:49:46,336 --> 00:49:46,976

life would be

: 1092

00:49:47,434 --> 00:49:49,724

Beck (2): They'd still be talking

about that in your obituary.

: 1093

00:49:50,544 --> 00:49:52,245

Dash: You'd have some sort of dastardly

: 1094

00:49:52,275 --> 00:49:52,915

nickname.

: 1095

00:49:53,000 --> 00:49:55,150

Beck (2): be called Sidesaddle

for the rest of your life.

: 1096

00:49:56,342 --> 00:49:57,232

Dash: that's right.

: 1097

00:49:57,912 --> 00:50:00,808

And I, and he was committed to

it too, because they stopped

: 1098

00:50:00,808 --> 00:50:02,058

at his house to do something.

: 1099

00:50:02,058 --> 00:50:03,905

And he got back on it that way

and still rode it that way.

: 1100

00:50:03,905 --> 00:50:05,295

I was like, "Oh, God,

he thinks it looks…"

: 1101

00:50:06,065 --> 00:50:08,428

his mind, he is just You ever, like…

: 1102

00:50:08,428 --> 00:50:11,977

see a young person and you

can feel them in the future

: 1103

00:50:15,253 --> 00:50:15,983

Beck (2): Well, that's a

rite of passage though.

: 1104

00:50:16,033 --> 00:50:16,533

You know?

: 1105

00:50:16,783 --> 00:50:19,003

Like, we all have things that we remember.

: 1106

00:50:19,013 --> 00:50:21,013

Like, I remember one time that I was like,

: 1107

00:50:21,673 --> 00:50:25,613

school and my … 'Cause I almost have

always had short hair, and I remember I

: 1108

00:50:25,613 --> 00:50:28,563

put like three different kinds of stuff

in my hair and thought that would make it

: 1109

00:50:28,573 --> 00:50:31,083

better, and it was just crunchy as shit.

: 1110

00:50:31,363 --> 00:50:33,563

And I was like, "Look, I put three

different things in my hair."

: 1111

00:50:33,573 --> 00:50:35,093

My friend was like, "Yeah."

: 1112

00:50:35,729 --> 00:50:39,462

Dash: Crunchy hair is a rite of passage

if you're, for, for people our age anyway.

: 1113

00:50:39,462 --> 00:50:40,212

I don't know what the kids…

: 1114

00:50:42,530 --> 00:50:43,130

related.

: 1115

00:50:43,345 --> 00:50:45,265

Beck (2): Yehaw

: 1116

00:50:45,380 --> 00:50:50,033

Dash: my mom just fucking pressured

and bullied me into wearing makeup.

: 1117

00:50:50,033 --> 00:50:56,791

And showed me how, but I was so

uninterested that I, when it was,

: 1118

00:50:56,801 --> 00:50:59,981

when it came time for me to do it,

I couldn't do it properly, and I

: 1119

00:50:59,981 --> 00:51:02,941

didn't wanna ask her because I didn't

wanna spend any time with her in

: 1120

00:51:02,941 --> 00:51:04,791

general, certainly not about makeup.

: 1121

00:51:04,909 --> 00:51:10,282

And so I got this, like, green eyeshadow,

think it was sparkly, and I painted

: 1122

00:51:10,282 --> 00:51:12,120

that shit all the way up to my eyebrows.

: 1123

00:51:13,100 --> 00:51:18,172

So it was like, it went from,

like, eyelashes to eyebrow.

: 1124

00:51:18,270 --> 00:51:20,744

- it wasn't a good look at all,

and I I think about that a lot.

: 1125

00:51:23,374 --> 00:51:24,034

Beck (2): We do have foot…

: 1126

00:51:24,034 --> 00:51:28,054

I let Shana do my makeup like a drag

queen's a couple years ago, and, uh,

: 1127

00:51:28,104 --> 00:51:30,054

my eye makeup, it looked fabulous

: 1128

00:51:30,651 --> 00:51:31,741

Dash: I want to do that.

: 1129

00:51:31,751 --> 00:51:35,789

Like, I think it would be really fun

for us to do, a, a makeup tutorial.

: 1130

00:51:35,789 --> 00:51:36,889

They're all over YouTube.

: 1131

00:51:37,043 --> 00:51:37,383

Beck (2): Yeah

: 1132

00:51:37,419 --> 00:51:38,259

Dash: follow one along.

: 1133

00:51:38,465 --> 00:51:39,965

maybe, we'll do that when we come back.

: 1134

00:51:39,965 --> 00:51:43,465

You'll look f- you can look

forward to that with season 2.5

: 1135

00:51:43,635 --> 00:51:45,175

premiere of Queer Necks

: 1136

00:51:45,442 --> 00:51:47,582

Beck (2): I mean, I already laid

the only way to get on your feet

: 1137

00:51:47,582 --> 00:51:48,712

is to get off your ass on you.

: 1138

00:51:48,712 --> 00:51:52,522

I don't know what kind of other brilliance

you're looking for from me today.

: 1139

00:51:52,932 --> 00:51:53,922

That's all I got, man

: 1140

00:51:54,418 --> 00:51:56,628

Dash: Yeah, be patient everybody.

: 1141

00:51:56,868 --> 00:51:59,868

if, if it's at all possible,

assume the person is trying their

: 1142

00:51:59,868 --> 00:52:03,394

best, work with what you got.

: 1143

00:52:03,775 --> 00:52:05,215

Beck (2): Yehaw

: 1144

00:52:05,425 --> 00:52:11,672

Dash: there Well, everybody, be good,

be good, and say hi to your mom and them

: 1145

00:52:11,986 --> 00:52:12,336

Beck (2): Bye

Share Episode

Shownotes

Transcripts

Follow

Links

Chapters

Video

More from YouTube