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It's Never Too Late for Self-Care
Episode 8 • 29th March 2023 • The Fire Inside Her; Authenticity, Self Care, and Wisdom for Life Transitions • Diane Schroeder
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Each of us will experience a lot of transitions as we move through life. We will find ourselves at multiple crossroads trying to discover the best way to adapt and advance into our next phase.

Billie Schroeder's husband passed away just as everyone moved into quarantine because of the Covid-19 pandemic. She had married young and never lived alone. Now, she was not only living alone for the first time, but also during a time of mandated separation and isolation. She was also in her late seventies. Her story may not be what you would expect from where it begins. It seems that finding ourselves, caring for ourselves, finding our voice, and finding our joy can happen at any age. So settle in for a wonderful conversation that will help you see that growth doesn’t have to stop, that sometimes self-care is an important tool at any stage and age, and that people’s capacity may surprise you.

The best part of this episode- Billie is Diane's mother. So there is a bit of laughter, some moments of insight, and some extra layers and depth that you will really enjoy. Including the lesson that showing up and letting others take their path really is a good strategy. You can see how well it worked in Billie’s parenting, and in her finding her own way.

Thank you for being part of The Fire Inside Her community and continuing on this adventure of meeting the incredible people that are already at Diane's table and part of her journey to authenticity. Take a moment and share this episode with someone who has a parent they are trying to connect with, or who could use some insight on how to care for themselves as their life is changing.

How to connect with Diane:

www.thefireinsideher.com 

Diane@Thefireinsideher.com 


Instagram -

@TheRealFireInHer 

LinkedIn-

www.linkedin.com/in/dianeschroeder5/


Are you excited to get a copy of the Self Care Audio download that Diane mentioned?

You can get that HERE –TheFireInsideHer.com/audio


If you enjoyed this episode, take a minute and share it with someone you know who will find

value in it as well. You can share directly from this platform or send them to:

https://TheFireInsideHer.com/podcast

Transcripts

Diane:

Welcome to the Fire Inside Her podcast, A safe space for

Diane:

leadership, self-care, and community.

Diane:

I'm your host Diane Schroeder, and it is my privilege to be your guide

Diane:

on the journey to authenticity.

Diane:

Now that I'm a mom, I can't tell you how many times I reach out to

Diane:

my mom and apologize for things that I did when I was younger.

Diane:

Just a few weeks ago was the first time my little man told me how

Diane:

much he hated me and that hurt.

Diane:

So I sent my mom a message that night and apologized for all the horrible things

Diane:

I said to her when I was a teenager.

Diane:

One of my earliest memories of my mom and I and the struggles of being a

Diane:

parent to a two year old and a newborn was I was probably about two years old.

Diane:

My mom taught at the high school just up the street from our house,

Diane:

and my grandmother lived in between the high school and our house.

Diane:

Both of my parents worked.

Diane:

My grandma retired when I was born, so she had the opportunity to take

Diane:

care of my younger brother and I.

Diane:

My mom would pull up in the driveway, leave the car running, pick up my

Diane:

brother and I, and take us home.

Diane:

This particular day, I decided to go out the door.

Diane:

Without my mom hop in the driver's seat of our Oldsmobile Cutlass, four

Diane:

door, boat/car, and put it in reverse.

Diane:

The car was running.

Diane:

I put it in reverse and the car started to drive down the driveway.

Diane:

My mom quickly realized what was going on.

Diane:

Ran out the door, holding my little brother in her arms and

Diane:

tried to get the car to stop.

Diane:

Eventually, after it rolled down the driveway, cuz I couldn't reach the pedals,

Diane:

it rolled up into the driveway across the street and we were able to put it in park.

Diane:

Everyone was safe except for my mom's knee.

Diane:

She gashed it up pretty good and I feel really bad about that.

Diane:

I was terrified.

Diane:

I just remember being really scared and I remember that my mom just handled it.

Diane:

And I guess that's kind of what she did my entire life and continues to do now.

Diane:

She is the definition of tenacity and perseverance and grit.

Diane:

She and my dad met when they were really young, got pregnant unexpectedly with

Diane:

my older brother and started a family.

Diane:

She was able to finish college, being a young mom and started teaching.

Diane:

My dad worked the same job for 40 years.

Diane:

My mom taught for 32 years, and they worked really hard for the family.

Diane:

My brother was 11 years old when I came into the picture, and then my younger

Diane:

brother was born two years later.

Diane:

So not only were they a busy working parent family, they were raising kids,

Diane:

a tween and two toddlers, essentially.

Diane:

And my mom was always there.

Diane:

There's a lot we can unpack about our relationship.

Diane:

This episode is focused solely on her and how in the last three years since

Diane:

my father passed away, she has blossomed and is really thriving and taking care

Diane:

of herself and putting herself first because for the first 80 years of her

Diane:

life, she took care of everyone else.

Diane:

When she was born, my grandpa was away at World War II.

Diane:

I don't think she ever got the quality childhood that she had hoped for.

Diane:

Being a young mom, she worked really hard, and then my dad got sick and she

Diane:

was his primary caregiver taking care of him, making sure that he was eating the

Diane:

right foods, getting to all the doctor's appointments in the right amount of

Diane:

time, and she was by his side the entire time they were married for 55 years and

Diane:

my dad passed away right before Covid.

Diane:

My mom talks about the experience and she's very vulnerable and honest

Diane:

about her feelings, and it's just a very meaningful conversation.

Diane:

Without further ado, I welcome you to the conversation between

Diane:

my mom, Billy Schroeder and I.

Diane:

Good morning, mom.

Billie:

Good morning.

Diane:

I wanna know what your first concert was.

Billie:

Barry Manilow with you and Noni 1983.

Diane:

I think that's awesome that your first concert was my first concert, then

Diane:

I took you the last time you saw him.

Diane:

So your first and last time seeing Barry Manilow was with me.

Billie:

Yes.

Diane:

And you realize you kind of started a thing with me and live music.

Diane:

Ever since that concert, I've been obsessed with going to live

Diane:

shows and I couldn't really start enjoying it until later on in

Diane:

high school or after high school because you and dad never let me go.

Billie:

Right.

Diane:

All right.

Diane:

Well I'm really glad that we're talking this morning.

Diane:

One of the things I wanted to talk to you about was really just self

Diane:

care and it's been really neat to see you blossom in the last few years.

Diane:

For those of you who don't know, we're a couple days away from the three year

Diane:

anniversary of my dad passing away.

Diane:

Well, that was harder to say out loud than I anticipated it to be.

Billie:

Uh, me, too.

Diane:

Um, and my mom and dad were married for about 55 years

Diane:

and for the last 15 to 20 years, my mom was his primary caregiver.

Diane:

He was still mobile and could get around, and he didn't really

Diane:

take great care of his health.

Diane:

So my mom was his caregiver, his dietician, his scheduler, all the

Diane:

things to keep him healthy-ish.

Diane:

Then he got really sick towards the end and, you know, it just,

Diane:

we, we couldn't do anymore for him.

Diane:

He passed away January 31st, 2000, which as you all know, was Covid.

Diane:

And so when Covid hit, we were all isolated and it was a pretty scary time

Diane:

for me cuz I was really worried about you,

Diane:

How were those first few months of Covid with you?

Billie:

You know, I keep looking back at it and people say how awful

Billie:

it was, and I often feel guilty because it wasn't awful for me.

Billie:

, it was the first time in my life I, I had been alone.

Billie:

I had lived alone and the first few weeks I didn't really know what to

Billie:

do because I had always, you know, my days, we were both retired and I

Billie:

had just spent my days taking care of medicine and meals and everything.

Billie:

And once that was gone it was, it was relief.

Billie:

Very soon it became just a sense of peace that everything was okay.

Diane:

Mm-hmm I know.

Diane:

So my life really didn't change much in Covid except for I was now

Diane:

a stay at home teacher or homeschool teacher on my days off because the

Diane:

fire department couldn't shut down.

Diane:

So even though we were locked down and on quarantine, it was, you know, swinging by

Diane:

dropping off the dog on the way to work.

Diane:

My mom shares custody with my dog, May, and so when I go to work

Diane:

for 48 hours, she watches her.

Diane:

And so I think from my perspective, I was really worried about you at first

Diane:

and then you were like, I got this.

Diane:

I'm okay.

Diane:

And you started purging the house.

Billie:

I did.

Billie:

Your dad, he, he never threw anything out, especially magazines.

Billie:

He loved magazines.

Billie:

Can we talk about Playboy Mags?

Diane:

Absolutely.

Diane:

We sure can.

Billie:

That was going to be, His nest egg.

Billie:

I think way back in the sixties he started subscribing and he never,

Billie:

well, he did finally stop, but um, he thought he would, make a fortune.

Billie:

Eventually selling them all.

Billie:

Well, having two sons that he didn't realize that they were

Billie:

not gonna stay in mint condition.

Billie:

But anyway, I needed to get the magazines out of the house.

Billie:

There were, there were magazines everywhere in the basement.

Billie:

And, I spent literally several months bundling them and then

Billie:

gradually getting them outside.

Diane:

Mm-hmm.

Billie:

And then it was just, it, it felt so good.

Diane:

I wonder if it was part of the grieving process for you.

Diane:

It was letting go.

Billie:

I think so.

Diane:

You know, and, and you had to really grieve a lot of it alone and

Diane:

I, and then the fear of covid, cuz we didn't really understand it at the time.

Diane:

I know for me, I was like, look, I just lost one parent.

Diane:

There's no way I wanna lose both of you back to back.

Diane:

And it was really important that you stay healthy.

Diane:

And I think looking back now, you really did because you purged and

Diane:

you grieved and then it was this really kind of messy middle and you

Diane:

started to really embrace things.

Diane:

My mom will be 80 in about five months, so 77 years old.

Diane:

She.

Diane:

Was never really fully independent, like she said, never lived alone.

Diane:

Her and my dad got married when they were both really young, and so she would

Diane:

manage the house and the finances and my dad would spend the money and she

Diane:

always tried to keep things together.

Diane:

And that was kind of how their relationship dynamic worked.

Diane:

Right?

Billie:

Yeah.

Diane:

you guys were hardworking, blue collar family, both parents worked and

Diane:

you raised three really awesome kids and you raised three kids, spread out.

Diane:

So the favorite son, Vance, he's the oldest, by 11 years.

Diane:

And then surprise, you had Gary and I, my younger brother.

Diane:

So you were raising two different generations of kids.

Diane:

In a time where you guys were working really hard to keep things afloat

Diane:

and it was just really busy for, I would say probably most of our lives.

Diane:

And where most parents get to slow down a little bit when the children are close

Diane:

together and you know, you see high school and all that graduation and college.

Diane:

When your oldest graduated from high school, you had two kids starting their

Diane:

school journey . So it was a lot going on and for you to finally have just peace.

Diane:

And you and dad didn't really save up for retirement.

Diane:

He relied on his social security, he had small retirement, but you guys

Diane:

had been retired for almost 20 years.

Billie:

Yeah.

Diane:

And so how was that for you to now talk a little bit about

Diane:

your tenacity to make sure that you were gonna be okay financially;

Diane:

starting with Social Security.

Billie:

Well, first of all, he was really worried that if he died, I

Billie:

would be, I would become homeless.

Billie:

He, because when I retired from teaching, I took a lump sum, so I, I knew I

Billie:

would never have a pension from there.

Billie:

So when he died.

Billie:

So I, I would never be eligible for Social security.

Diane:

Is what you thought.

Billie:

Is what I thought.

Billie:

And it was true, as long as he lived, I wasn't.

Billie:

But when he died, I, I actually got an email I think from social security.

Billie:

At the same time they were giving their $250 death benefit.

Billie:

But, uh, it, it said you might check and see if, if I was eligible.

Billie:

That began a journey that lasted for a year and a half.

Billie:

For a good part of 2021, I guess it was.

Billie:

I was monthly talking to someone at Social Security.

Billie:

At first they said, well, you get a little amount.

Billie:

And they sent me a form and then in March of 21 I got a letter

Billie:

saying, oh no, we made a mistake.

Billie:

You have to pay back everything we sent you.

Billie:

and you don't get anything.

Billie:

And I go, wait a minute, that's not right.

Billie:

It took a long time and I talked to, I don't know how many pe- At one point

Billie:

I, I made a list and I think I had 12 different social security people.

Billie:

And it wasn't until the 11th one, a young guy who said, they're

Billie:

using the wrong information.

Billie:

They had, entered the wrong figures.

Billie:

So in October of 2022, I finally got it straightened out and they had

Billie:

to pay me back from when I started.

Billie:

It was October 21.

Billie:

21.

Billie:

That's right.

Billie:

Yeah.

Billie:

This is 22.

Billie:

Yeah.

Billie:

Uh, or just finished.

Billie:

But anyway, yes.

Billie:

Once that was straightened out, everything was absolutely fine.

Diane:

Well, and I think it was also, so the tenacity, if you can imagine, 18

Diane:

months of consistently calling Social Security, most people would've given up.

Diane:

You had practice in this because for years you were the advocate for dad's health.

Diane:

You learned to ask questions.

Diane:

So in some ways, , maybe not knowing it at the time you were prepared to do this,

Diane:

and yet time on your hands to do it.

Diane:

And what that allowed, when you got it all sorted out, was a financial freedom

Diane:

that you've never experienced before.

Billie:

Exactly.

Billie:

It wasn't until I, I turned 78 that I was totally out of debt for the first time.

Billie:

And financial peace, that is what I have

Billie:

. Diane: Exactly.

Billie:

And I think that's definitely a, a factor when we talk about self-care.

Billie:

And, you know, first you gotta make sure your basic needs are

Billie:

met, that you have a place to live.

Billie:

And you were never gonna be homeless, you know that.

Billie:

I mean, you were gonna either

Billie:

Oh, exactly.

Billie:

Right.

Diane:

Homeless was never gonna be on the table.

Diane:

I know.

Diane:

It reminds me actually back to when grandma, you know, last time I talked

Diane:

to your, your mom before she passed away about 12 years ago, she said that

Diane:

grandpa Myers told her the same thing.

Diane:

Was really worried how she was gonna survive, and she took a

Diane:

sip of her, Jack Daniels and she just kind of looked over at me.

Diane:

She's like, I've done pretty good for the last 25 years.

Diane:

And I think that's also part of the, you know, it's in our D N A as Ross

Diane:

Women Meyer women, to just be resilient and tenacious and keep moving forward.

Diane:

So once you got that taken care of, you discovered shopping for yourself, and

Diane:

not in a way that puts you back in debt, but just shopping for, for you and, and

Diane:

clothing from, you know, what you like to wear and you know what you like to eat.

Diane:

So tell me a little bit about that, how that kind of evolved

Billie:

Well, yeah, yeah.

Billie:

It's funny and because I was commenting on my closet.

Billie:

I realized that I was always wearing the same thing.

Billie:

I just never thought about shopping.

Billie:

I didn't really, I don't care about shopping.

Billie:

And I used to wear like, Don's old shirts and things like that.

Billie:

Well, when I taught, I had my own clothes, but again, with Covid, I

Billie:

was stuck at home and I discovered Amazon , Amazon Prime, and one of

Billie:

you kids put the app on my phone.

Billie:

Which is a good thing or a bad thing.

Billie:

But anyway, I have discovered shopping there and clothes shopping and you

Billie:

can return things if they don't fit.

Billie:

And cuz I always hated going and trying on things.

Billie:

And so now my closet is.

Billie:

Full of just my clothes and they're basically clothes that I've gotten

Billie:

in the last couple of years.

Billie:

Mm-hmm.

Billie:

and, and I wear them.

Billie:

Yeah.

Billie:

And if there's something I get tired of or I don't like, I no

Billie:

longer feel like I have to keep it.

Billie:

, I can, I can send it on to someone else to enjoy.

Diane:

I love that.

Diane:

And it's, it's been fun to watch.

Diane:

And I also recall a conversation that we had when we were talking

Diane:

about food and the grocery store.

Diane:

And you know how for the first time in your life, you're

Diane:

getting what you want to get.

Billie:

Right?

Billie:

Right.

Billie:

Well, you know, for, he became a diabetic in 89 and so for 30 years, I was focusing

Billie:

on, uh, sugar-free, um, fat-free.

Billie:

And then, you know, just trying to be healthy in between.

Billie:

And, a lot of what I fixed for him, I didn't eat, I didn't wanna eat.

Billie:

It became interesting trying to figure out what to eat.

Billie:

That was one of the bigger challenges and, and that's why I, I'm really

Billie:

happy with what we're doing now where I'm focusing on proteins and

Billie:

fiber and vegetables and fruit and thinking of food in a different way.

Billie:

Instead of a pretty presentation on a plate.

Billie:

I'm looking more.

Billie:

in terms of fuel, right?

Billie:

And what it can do for me.

Diane:

So we've got, you know, the finances taken care of for your self care.

Diane:

You're getting your groove back for your fashion sense and what you like to wear.

Diane:

You're, you're taking care of your health through food.

Diane:

And you also have been working out more.

Diane:

And one of the things that we started in 2020 was an app called Nimble,

Diane:

and it's fall prevention for seniors.

Diane:

And it's intentionally to try to, you know, keep you

Diane:

healthy, keep you from falls.

Diane:

And part of my responsibility is, you know, your daughter and someone who works

Diane:

in public safety is I see the impact of what happens when an older person falls.

Diane:

And you are so active.

Diane:

I mean, you still do all the yard work, you take care of the snow

Diane:

blowing and the shoveling and you know, which never changed in your entire

Diane:

marriage, your entire life, like to do.

Diane:

Yes.

Diane:

But then now you're more body confident.

Diane:

Correct?

Billie:

Absolutely.

Diane:

And, and you've been, again, that tenacity, that ability to be

Diane:

consistent and stick to something.

Diane:

Paid off in all areas of your life now that you're learning about what you like.

Diane:

And I think it's fascinating because generationally speaking,

Diane:

you're the greatest generation.

Diane:

So you're Before the baby boomers were born, And then Vance is kind

Diane:

of at the end of baby boomers and then Gary and I are Gen Xers.

Diane:

So there's kind of a generation gap for all of us.

Diane:

And what I'm grateful for is, you know, a lot of things I probably

Diane:

do take for granted, I got my first credit card when I was 18 years old.

Diane:

I didn't have to have a, a man cosign for me.

Diane:

I've been a homeowner since I was 20 years old.

Diane:

And those are privileges that you didn't have until you were

Diane:

older and you just recently, in the last couple months, got your very

Diane:

first credit card in your name.

Billie:

Exactly.

Billie:

I did not know the Sears card, which became a MasterCard, we got it in 78.

Billie:

and I thought it was a joint account.

Billie:

Well, turns out it wasn't.

Billie:

I didn't have a credit card and so I had inherited his little Fidelity account

Billie:

and I got an ad in the mail from them.

Billie:

Offering me a credit card, me in my name, and, so I just filled it out and, and sent

Billie:

it in not knowing whether, you know, an old lady with only retirement income...

Billie:

I'd come to find out I got an immediate response and a beautiful green credit

Billie:

card and, and a bigger, credit limit than I would ever consider using.

Billie:

The car is now in my name, but I've never, so this is really the first car that I've,

Billie:

I've owned on my own, and the house is in my name now, so, and, and it's paid for.

Diane:

And you took care of your teeth.

Billie:

I had not gone to the dentist over 30 years.

Diane:

I wanna say that's a generational thing because you

Diane:

guys were of the generation where high speed drills and stuff Oh yes.

Diane:

Were relatively new and they didn't think you needed Novocaine.

Diane:

Exactly.

Diane:

Or a numb thing.

Diane:

So I can only, I mean, dentist, the dentist stinks

Diane:

when you don't feel any pain.

Diane:

But that would be traumatizing.

Billie:

It was, and I, I was.

Billie:

In the drill and fill era.

Billie:

Growing up I was, you know, folks took us to the dentist all the time and

Billie:

then it was crowns in the eighties and I had a bad experience with a

Billie:

dentist who did some unnecessary work.

Billie:

And I just said, okay, I'm done.

Billie:

And so in the early nineties was I quit.

Billie:

Fortunately, I never had any, Pain, or I probably would've gone.

Billie:

But, uh, my youngest son found, he said, mom, you should come to my dentist.

Billie:

I've gone to him a long time.

Billie:

He's a nice older guy.

Billie:

He won't do unnecessary work.

Billie:

And, and, you know, after all this time I'm thinking, oh boy, you know,

Billie:

they're, they're going to think.

Billie:

But anyway, they were so nice to me.

Billie:

I just went with him one day and they were so nice.

Billie:

So I made an appointment and, he did all the extractions.

Billie:

He was able to save a whole bunch of teeth.

Billie:

And so I have some partials and my mouth is healthy and I'm brushing

Billie:

and flossing and, uh, at 80 I'm finally taking care of my teeth.

Diane:

Well, and I, I guess that's, you know, another question that I have

Diane:

is, how has the transition been from always taking care of someone else?

Diane:

You know, I, I spoke with Victoria recently and you know, she we're the

Diane:

same age and she's about, to be an empty nester and she talked about that,

Diane:

how she's gotta, you know, find a way to care for herself and kind of do things

Diane:

that fill her cup cuz it's always been about the family and her children.

Diane:

So, looking forward, you know, several years, how has that transition

Diane:

been for you to not have to worry about taking care of everyone else

Diane:

and really just focusing on you.

Billie:

You mean?

Billie:

How,

Diane:

how has that been for you?

Diane:

Do you get anxiety about it?

Diane:

Have it been an immediate transition?

Billie:

No, actually, I, I keep trying to think of a word content.

Billie:

I am, I am very content with my life.

Billie:

, I sleep well.

Billie:

I go to bed when I'm tired, even if it's seven 30 at night, and if I wake up at

Billie:

two 30 in the morning and, and I can't go back to sleep after a reasonable

Billie:

amount of time, I get up, I'll have a cup of tea, I'll, I'll watch tv.

Billie:

I do like to watch TV.

Billie:

I do needle point, a lot of needle point.

Billie:

My children's walls are covered with needle point.

Billie:

Some of them that is a fact.

Billie:

Yes they are.

Billie:

But, uh, I, my days are they, they come and go so fast and, um, I'm

Billie:

very, I'm very happy with my life.

Billie:

I don't need to go places to be happy.

Billie:

Some folks just can't stay put.

Billie:

Mm-hmm.

Billie:

, they have to go into town, go shopping, go here, go there.

Billie:

I'm happy to stay put.

Diane:

Well, and and you're pretty, you're fairly introverted.

Diane:

Yeah.

Diane:

I, I, you know, and there's nothing wrong.

Diane:

I'm introverted.

Diane:

I've learned.

Diane:

Be an extroverted introvert, but at the end of the day, I like to just

Diane:

have my quiet time to recharge as well.

Diane:

And I think that you do that.

Diane:

You do what you want.

Diane:

You're in a routine.

Diane:

And I also think you still are.

Diane:

, you have a social network that's primarily our family.

Diane:

Exactly.

Diane:

One of the cool things that I love about our family, there's a lot of things I love

Diane:

about our family, but the adults in our family have a family group text and we are

Diane:

always connected to each other somehow.

Diane:

And I think that in the seventies, you know, we, we had a different

Diane:

childhood than my kid has for sure.

Diane:

You guys were pretty busy doing whatever.

Diane:

We had a lot of freedom.

Diane:

And I don't know that you and dad ever sat down and said,

Diane:

okay, here's our parenting plan.

Diane:

Here's, how we're gonna raise our kids.

Diane:

Here's oh no, it's, here's our expectations.

Billie:

No.

Billie:

We never had a parenting plan.

Diane:

And yet you ended up with three pretty great kids.

Diane:

I mean, I know you don't have favorites.

Diane:

We joke about that.

Diane:

Just kidding.

Diane:

My brothers are really her favorites.

Diane:

But what do you attribute that to?

Diane:

I mean, if you look back and say, that was the one thing we did or didn't do?

Billie:

Oh boy.

Billie:

I think we always trusted that you guys would do the right thing.

Billie:

I mean, we just, it never, it never occurred to us that we

Billie:

should be worried about them.

Billie:

Which is why sometimes we're, I'm surprised 30 years later that I hear

Billie:

stories and like, oh, I missed that.

Billie:

We did discover a few things, but um, it was a, it was a different time too.

Billie:

I look back and yes, we were busy.

Billie:

Daddy was working and he was with the fire department and I was teaching.

Billie:

But we were always involved.

Diane:

Mm-hmm.

Billie:

We would go to your things.

Billie:

We thought we knew what you guys were up to.

Diane:

It was mostly me.

Diane:

My brothers were fine.

Diane:

I was the one that led slightly double life, my teenage years.

Diane:

But that's a different story.

Billie:

But we were always so proud of you guys and I think, I think

Billie:

Don's mom, your grandmother mm-hmm.

Billie:

was a, a major influence in, in all our lives.

Billie:

And, and that sense of family.

Billie:

We were always family focused.

Diane:

Mm-hmm.

Billie:

Our holidays were, were, you know, Thanksgiving, we were always together.

Diane:

Mm-hmm.

Billie:

and Christmas.

Billie:

Oh, your father was Christmas.

Billie:

And, it was a big deal.

Billie:

And so I think, I think that has, transferred to you folks.

Diane:

Mm-hmm.

Diane:

I, I agree with that.

Diane:

This is how I describe it, and we don't.

Diane:

This isn't the the time to unpack dad and I, we butted heads a lot, but what I

Diane:

always say about you and dad is you may not have had all the right words for every

Diane:

moment , but you guys were there for all the moments, even if you didn't agree.

Diane:

And I think that's one thing that I take from both of you

Diane:

is that you let us fail too.

Diane:

You guys didn't try to over control our lives, whether it was intentional

Diane:

or not intentional, but it was like, man, that's probably not

Diane:

a good idea, but that's her life.

Diane:

So, you know, and you were always there afterwards.

Diane:

It's the dependability and the loyalty and the consistency that you show up

Diane:

with every day, whether it's getting your social security or advocating

Diane:

that you guys were consistently there, and that's really awesome.

Diane:

And I do think it was very impactful on, you know, who we are as adults

Diane:

now and how we raise our kids.

Diane:

the other thing that I really respect is even with three kids, you're so accepting

Diane:

of who we are and it's never phased you if we go through different phases

Diane:

or if we may not make choices that you agree with or have the same beliefs.

Diane:

You accept us for who we are.

Diane:

And that was very evident when Chantel and Jessica got married and I think

Diane:

both, you know, dad was pretty crusty.

Diane:

We called him Archie Bunker for a lack of better terms.

Diane:

And so he didn't always understand the way some people live their lives

Diane:

or different lifestyles, and yet when Chantel and Jessica said, Hey, we're

Diane:

getting married and this is when we're getting married, there was never a

Diane:

doubt that you guys would be there.

Billie:

Exactly.

Diane:

And so I think along with everything else you've

Diane:

gave us is acceptance.

Diane:

You've always accepted us for who we are.

Diane:

Even if you didn't agree with us, even if you knew it was a disastrous decision or

Diane:

you could see it coming, you let us walk down that road, and then when we fell off,

Billie:

we were there.

Diane:

You were there.

Diane:

That instills in us self-confidence, and for me, also learning to slow

Diane:

down and take care of myself too.

Diane:

To not go and go and go all the time and do all that, but to

Diane:

really just pause and slow down.

Diane:

And I, I'm grateful for that.

Diane:

So thank you.

Diane:

We talked about this a little earlier this morning when we were going over

Diane:

questions, and your answer really stuck with me, and I want you to share what

Diane:

is a time in your life that was really hard, but you made the courageous

Diane:

decision to be authentic and true to yourself, and how did that play out?

Billie:

The first thing that came to mind, um, immediately was, it was

Billie:

sort of out of the blue for everybody.

Billie:

Um, when I decided to quit teaching.

Billie:

I had taught for 29 years.

Billie:

The nineties were, were gradually less and less fun, I should say.

Billie:

Or maybe another way more and more difficult for a whole variety of reasons.

Billie:

The summer I turned 55.

Billie:

I got a letter from the retirement group, and I was in the, the

Billie:

right number group to, to quit.

Diane:

Mm-hmm.

Billie:

to stop.

Billie:

And I just decided I, I was done.

Billie:

I'm not quite sure exactly.

Billie:

You know, looking back, I can think of all the things that led up to it, but

Billie:

the bottom line is I was, I was done.

Billie:

I, I had changed schools for the last year, and things were changing in the

Billie:

district and there were a lot of changes.

Billie:

And my mother-in-law had died and that was a, a lot bigger thing than I realized.

Billie:

And, I just, it, it, I just wanted to do that.

Billie:

I, I needed to do that.

Billie:

I took a lump sum cuz we needed money to do, you know, there were a lot of reasons

Billie:

and, I probably should have discussed it with your father it really, it, it

Billie:

took him a little while to adjust to that.

Billie:

But , looking back, uh, it was the best thing I ever did.

Diane:

Did you have a plan?

Diane:

Did you think it out other than you just trusted your instincts, your gut,

Diane:

your everything that this is right.

Diane:

I'm done teaching and we'll see what happens next.

Billie:

And this will work.

Billie:

Because he was good to go.

Billie:

I mean, Sunstrand was going fine and he was doing fine.

Diane:

Kids were out of the house.

Billie:

Kids were gone.

Billie:

It was more about numbers.

Diane:

Survival really.

Billie:

And survival.

Billie:

And that, that had sort of been my M.O.

Billie:

was making things work.

Billie:

And it did, it, uh, it all fell into place.

Billie:

And I had five years, being retired before

Diane:

he retired,

Billie:

well, before they decided to close the plant.

Diane:

Mm-hmm.

Diane:

That's right.

Billie:

It was not his choice.

Billie:

He had his quadruple bypass in 2002, and, but he'd recovered and was not doing well

Billie:

with the diabetes, but he, he was working.

Billie:

Then in 2003 they closed the plant and he was one of the last ones.

Billie:

He'd never been laid off.

Diane:

Right.

Billie:

That was when he was able to, he didn't take

Billie:

retirement cuz he was 59 by then.

Billie:

Right.

Billie:

Um, or 58.

Billie:

But he was able to wait to retire and take that until he was 59 and a half.

Billie:

So, so everything fell into place and the finances worked out.

Diane:

How did you take care of yourself and what did your self-care,

Diane:

and maybe self-care isn't like, wasn't a word that you would use to

Diane:

describe it, but how did you take care of yourself for all those years?

Diane:

When did you make time for you from, becoming a young mom in college and

Diane:

then, navigating life with three kids and two different generations

Diane:

and dad and all his extra, drag racing or firefighting or whatever.

Diane:

When did you find time for you and what did you do to take care of

Diane:

yourself prior to three years ago?

Billie:

Um,

Billie:

basically I, well, in the eighties, Seventies and eighties, I would

Billie:

periodically play bridge with my sister and some other folks.

Billie:

Mm-hmm.

Billie:

or some of the teachers from school.

Billie:

I would do that once in a while.

Billie:

Other than that, we did things together.

Billie:

We would go bowling, we would, but I didn't do a lot by myself.

Diane:

How does it feel now to start doing things by yourself?

Billie:

It feels good.

Diane:

So Mom now travels by herself.

Diane:

she is up for more adventures.

Diane:

She helps watch the grandsons that are here in town and she just does, you know,

Diane:

basically whatever she wants cuz she can.

Diane:

She has a strong mind, strong body and the ability to do it.

Diane:

And I, again, watching the evolution kind of occur.

Diane:

as you said earlier, you're content, but it seems that way and I just wondered if

Diane:

there was any like hesitation sometimes of, Ooh, should I do this, should I not?

Diane:

Or do you just do it now?

Billie:

I would say now, if it's something I want to do, I will do it.

Diane:

Mm-hmm.

Billie:

and I've gotten much better about saying yes.

Billie:

If, you or or Gary and them ask me, my default always used to be, no.

Billie:

But now I will say yes.

Billie:

Because I have been exercising more and doing more, I am

Billie:

physically able to do more.

Billie:

It's like last year, I went to the Braves game and we parked a long ways

Billie:

away and I, I was able to, you know, walk the hallway and it used to be I would

Billie:

get outta breath after a few blocks.

Billie:

I don't have a bucket list because, I'm not looking at at things that way.

Billie:

Right.

Billie:

I'm looking at things I just would like to do.

Billie:

It's like last summer we went back to New York and I'm still not comfortable

Billie:

like flying from Denver, cuz you have to, you can't go direct mm-hmm.

Billie:

to where my sister lives, but I could go direct from Atlanta up there.

Billie:

So there are possibilities, but, I never got back to New York very often

Billie:

because I didn't want to go by myself.

Diane:

Mm-hmm.

Billie:

I have gotten better about traveling by myself.

Diane:

So what would you say to my listeners, that have

Diane:

parents that are older than they are, cuz clearly they're parents.

Diane:

What would you say for advice, your wisdom and your experience?

Diane:

Like, is it ever really too late to start taking care of yourself?

Diane:

Or, there's a lot of like, well you should do this and you should do that.

Diane:

What kind of advice would you give to people who h ave been in similar

Diane:

circumstances or you know, can tuck away in case something happens and they

Diane:

can think of, oh yeah, I heard this once and you know what, Diane's mom's a

Diane:

badass and this is what she said to do.

Diane:

Cuz you do have lots of wisdom bombs.

Diane:

So what's some wisdom you would give on taking care of yourself, I guess?

Billie:

Well, you know, I would say don't assign yourself to, um, a

Billie:

box or, um, that you know well just because you're old, you're just gonna

Billie:

sit home and watch TV all the time.

Billie:

You can watch TV and still be very productive, , you can do other things.

Billie:

It's like I ride my bike now five miles in 25 minutes and I sort of made my promise

Billie:

if I'm gonna watch certain shows I will, I will ride the bike doing it . Mm-hmm.

Billie:

That's rather recent and I feel better.

Billie:

You're never too old to try to feel better, and just moving.

Billie:

I guess don't give up on yourself.

Billie:

Even if it's a little something that you want to do, I make

Billie:

myself go to the grocery store, just to get out among people.

Billie:

Even if I just have a few things to get, and I, I talk to people in the store.

Billie:

Vance was giving me a hard time at Christmas because like the greeters at

Billie:

the store, I would stop and talk to 'em.

Billie:

He said, mom, you don't have to visit with everybody.

Diane:

It's never too late to kind of be who you wanna be.

Diane:

Yeah.

Diane:

And you're not too old, and I'm assuming that you feel better not

Diane:

just physically, but kind of mentally.

Diane:

and, I just think it's very courageous that you choose every day to do what you

Diane:

wanna do and you choose to be present.

Diane:

From my perspective as your daughter, that I always thought you were not as

Diane:

strong as your sisters or Grandma Meyer or Grandma Kinsley, and yet, The entire

Diane:

time you worked behind the scenes, making everything work, and you have courageously

Diane:

advocated for dad, for your kids, for your grandkids, and yourself now.

Diane:

And so in my opinion, that's one of the strongest things you can be is that you

Diane:

choose yourself now and it doesn't matter.

Diane:

Age is just a number to you.

Diane:

You take care of yourself.

Diane:

I just think you need to hear that.

Diane:

I think that's really cool that, thank you.

Diane:

You've chosen to do that.

Diane:

So thank you for sharing your wisdom and your self-care journey with me

Diane:

and everyone else who's listening to this and sharing your story.

Diane:

I really appreciate it.

Billie:

Well, thank you.

Billie:

It, it was a lot more fun than I thought it was gonna be and I'm so proud of you.

Billie:

This is, quite a journey you've embarked on and, and I think

Billie:

you've got so much to offer.

Diane:

Oh, well thank you.

Billie:

So thank you for letting me be a part of it.

Diane:

Anytime.

Diane:

Friend.

Diane:

Thank you for taking the time to listen to this episode.

Diane:

I know how valuable time is and I'm very grateful you have chosen

Diane:

to spend your time with me.

Diane:

Be sure to follow the show on whatever platform you're currently listening to

Diane:

and head on over to TheFireInsideHer.com where I've created a free audio to help

Diane:

you kickstart your self-care routine.

Diane:

Until next time, be safe.

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