Today we're joined by the remarkable Risa Kostis. In this episode, Risa shares her life-altering high school car accident, which led her on a journey to become a successful stylist and entrepreneur. She even created the Rescue Kit Company which creates fashion emergency kits to empower brides and beyond.

Risa's story is powerful as she discusses her accident at 17, battling memory loss, depression, and societal pressures. She candidly shares her path to overcoming adversity after leaving college, finding resilience, and a supportive community. Her story emphasizes the importance of embracing self-discovery, building confidence, and standing tall despite self-doubt.

In the world of fashion, Risa's accidental discovery of her passion led to a thriving business, and her unique approach to wardrobe styling shines. She also introduces the game-changing Rescue Kit Company and her charitable partnerships, offering listeners a 15% discount. This episode is a must-listen!

What you'll hear in this episode:

[0:00] Accident in high school and its impact on life.

[5:45] The impact the accident had on her life.

[12:35] Overcoming challenges and finding success after dropping out of college.

[18:30] Building confidence and overcoming self-doubt.

[25:20] Self-discovery and decision-making.

[28:55] Self-discovery, pivoting, and authenticity.

[34:15] Navigating societal expectations and personal desires.

[41:20] Self-care and personal growth practices.

[46:10] Career path and styling.

[49:20] Building a successful wardrobe styling business.

[54:25] Creating a successful product line for everyday use.

[59:10] Empowering women through styling kits and charitable partnerships.

CONNECT WITH RISA

Follow Risa: @ristyle_consulting

Check out Risa's amazing services at her website: https://risakostis.com/

Use the code GOALS at checkout for 15% off your rescue kit: https://therescuekitco.com/discount/GOALS

CONNECT WITH KELSEY

Follow Kelsey: @thisiskelseysmith

Follow Momma Has Goals: @mommahasgoals

Download the app for Apple or Android

Learn more at https://thisiskelseysmith.com/

Join our text list. Text "Goals" to (707) 347-0319

Speaker 1 0:00

And there's this place that you can go to. And you have to make a conscious choice, a confidence building. And I just said this on a talk that I gave this morning too, is like brushing your teeth. It has to be a daily practice. And I knew that nobody else had an understanding of where I was at. So if I was going to survive what I had just been through, it was absolutely necessary for me to build myself.

Kelsey Smith 0:32

Let's reimagine mom life together. Well, the high schools is your hub for relatable support and helpful resources that help you fuel yourself alongside motherhood. Your identity is bigger than moms, and whatever your goals are, together, we're making them a reality. When I started my my high schools, it was really important to me that we had conversations about how motherhood looks different for everyone. And we so often come into motherhood many different ways. And our guests today, that's one of the things we talk about how Currently she's a dog, mom, but she is very open that she's an aspiring mom. She wants to be a mom, but it hasn't happened for her yet. She's waiting to find a partner to support her in that journey. And she knows that her time is potentially limited. We talk about that very open in this conversation, what that's meant for her some of the things that she has done throughout her journey when this hasn't happened for her. And we talk about also an accident that she went through in high school where she had to have reconstructive surgery. And some of the things to be thoughtful of when you as a parent or as a child are going through a really hard time. She ended up stepping out of school and not finishing college and redefining what was next for her and what that meant. She has now gone on to start a styling business and a also a product that helps support women through either their bridal days or whatever they need to be able to support their outfit needs called the rescue kit. We talked about calling off an engagement and when you know when a yes should become a no transitions and so much more. Risa Costas is the season style expert speaker and entrepreneur based in Phoenix, Arizona. She's the founder of a top Arizona styling company Risa Costas creative and the CEO and co founder of the rescue kit company, which is a fashion emergency kit for brides and beyond. As I mentioned, she has an extensive background in hair styling and makeup artistry, public relations, production and development event planning personal shopping and styling for personal clients, celebrities and weddings. Her 20 plus years in the fashion and beauty industries have been recognized internationally from San Francisco and New York City to Florence, Italy. Her work has been featured on The Today Show Good Morning America Vogue Italia, Huffington Post authority magazine thirty.com Miss Rachel songs for littles Thrive global in the IE channel to name a few Risa and I have crossed paths through personal friends. And when I started hearing a couple of her stories unfold, I knew we needed to take it a level deeper here on the podcast. So I hope you enjoy this conversation. It was one that I truly loved. And hearing her story in the many layers I think is very relatable to many of us. So jump on in Risa, I'm so excited to have you here. As we were just chatting before you clicked record, there are so many good things that we're going to unpack today. And so I just want to bring everyone up to speed on some of the reasons I love you outside of that intro is just your energy is always so positive. And that is one of my favorite things about people's when you can rely on them to be real, like they're not going to cut out the hard stuff. But they're also going to find a positive lens that they're going to look through and show up with. So I'm super excited to unpack some of both of those today, some of the harder things as well as how you've taken it on for your life to be able to just live this really inspiring life of all these different layers. And I want to go back to the one of the first reasons I messaged you to come on here was you shared a story about your childhood and something that you had been through. And I want you to walk us through that story. And what happened as we bring everyone up to speed where you're at today, because that was a really pivotal moment in your life. I'm sure. So there was an accident. And you were in high school. Is that correct? Yes. And so tell us what happened and how you have gone through that and what came out of it?

Speaker 1 4:21

Absolutely. And first of all, I never thought I'd be on a podcast called mama has goals. So thank you for having me and for reaching out because I think when the story resonates with even one person, I feel like I'm reaching so many more than that. So thank you for being captivated by that because it has taken a long time to share some of the details of that night even though people that are in my life and that are on my social media page and have been following me for a while know that there was some kind of accident. If they haven't listened to a podcast interview or had an intimate moment with me before behind closed doors really chatting and getting to know me they might not know really what happened. I do think going back to that all the layers and this layer of positivity that I have, it didn't just happen, it's taken a long time, just let it shine, and let it all out and be proud of where I'm at today. So when I was 17, I was, it was a normal day, I had just graduated high school, and I was hanging out with a couple of my guy friends, one of which was a very close family friend, my dad's best friend's son, who I had known my entire life. We were just swimming in the lake and just being kids, and there was no drinking no substances involved in any of our activity, because that's the first question that people ask. And I think that's the first thing that parents want to know is what was going on. And why did this happen? None of that it was just a carefree Lake day and we were swimming and having a great time. And I got in the backseat of his car, he was going to drive me home. And the other kid that we were with was in the front seat. And the car caught a soft shoulder and from a small town in Maine, very close to some lakes. And everything was a back road, not well lit, and people treated it like their own playground when you were driving down those roads. And the car caught a soft shoulder. And the driver apparently asked the passenger to take the wheel while he reached down on the side console of the car, for I'm not sure what his cell phone, I'm not really sure. And he let go of control of the wheel. And the radio was up the front windows were down. And the car caught a soft shoulder and spun around in the back end hit a tree and it happened so fast. I wasn't even wearing a seatbelt. And what are they always say these accidents happen a mile from your house and we were less than a mile from my house, no doubt. And when the impact happened, I thought that I just bounced forward. I was sitting in the middle seat and I was unbelted. And I thought that I just bounced forward and hit my head's on one of the seats. But apparently I was thrown through the right side of the car window and back all the way to the left side of the car. And when I finally came to and was conscious, I felt this huge gash from my face. And I knew something was really wrong. And the driver turned around and looked at me and said, Oh no your face in some other choice words. And I said What's wrong with my face and I just I it's like I knew but I was still like in this weird stream of consciousness like and concussed and not really sure what was happening. And I just remember the most important part of that day was the fact that I took my right hand and held it to my cheek and held a piece of my face and the sorry that this is graphic, but held a piece of my face together. And had I not held on to that piece of my cheek that was hanging by a thread. They would have probably had to pinch my face to sew it back together and it would have been disfigured for sure. So I was able to climb out of the front driver's side door. I think it might have been the window that they pulled me through. I'm not quite sure. While holding my face. We all got out of the car. I know they made a phone call and his brother was on the scene very soon because they lived right there. And we walked up I couldn't even believe I could walk. We walked up to this woman's house, who happened to know my parents and she knew who I was. And so she called my mom she got my phone number. And they just remember they put like dry paper towel on my scar and on an open wound and the feeling that I felt I was just like, What is going on? Because of course it wasn't a scar. At that point. I was just an open laceration and got rushed to the hospital and had reconstructive surgery. They took me to one hospital that could not perform the surgery and then they had to quickly get me to the closest city which was Portland, Maine, and had I had reconstructive surgery late that night. So it was quite an ordeal. It was July 2, and of course fireworks were happening the next day and I just remember hearing the fireworks from my window being bandaged and thinking what is just happening, what has just happened what is about to happen to my life. While everyone was out celebrating and doing sparklers and fireworks and watching the water ski show on the lake. I was sitting there thinking my entire life is about to change. And I think at 17 You're preparing to go off I was preparing to go off to school I was going to be a cheerleader in college at the University The main and I was so scared about what my face was going to look like under that bandage because I hadn't seen it. I had aspirations of being a singer and an actress and a Broadway performer and I was my big dream. My big dream was to be a singer, actress dancer, I was in theater my whole life, I was a cheerleader. And I was supposed to be a cheerleader at the University of Maine, like I said, and I still did go to cheering I still when I went to training camp, probably not a good idea to be thrown in the air as a flyer at the college level, a month and a half after this type of traumatic accident where I then later found out a year and a half into school that I did have some brain injuries and memory loss, major memory loss, I didn't even know what time my classes were, I would be sitting outside of a class thinking it was an hour earlier. And I was super early to class when my class would file out. And I had missed big presentations and group projects and things and got yelled at by classmates saying Where were you Where were you when I was just patiently sitting outside of the classroom door really not knowing having any kind of idea what day or time it was, there was I was so disoriented in my brain. And that's when I realized the depression set in and the crying the confusion about what my brain was telling me, I knew that it was time to leave school and try to figure out what my next step was going to be in trying to get some help to get some therapy to get somebody to look at my brain to really process what had happened, which is not something that you're really able to do I think at 17 I think people nowadays there's a lot more conversation around brain health and around TBI, traumatic brain injury, and accidents related to but at that time, it was the conversation was more around, it's really taboo if you don't finish college. So yeah, you better go to school, because that's the plan. And that's what everyone else is doing in this small town. Because the people who don't go off to school are probably staying here and getting into trouble. So my parents weren't having the conversation with me around. Hey, how are you? What, what can we do to help you? Are you ready to go to school? Is this something that you think that you can handle right now? I think perfectionism growing up in the 80s and 90s. I think perfectionism and people pleasing is a lot it was a lot more widely accepted than it is now. And I think it was expected, not just accepted. Yeah. It was a journey for sure.

Yeah. And it's so hard. Because our parents, I see this often with the women in our community, and also myself in my own story, and I hear this in yours is your parents wanted the best for you, right? They're trying to guide you into what they believe is going to put you in success. But while doing that, they're actually not doing what you needed in that moment. And it's not to talk down on them in any way. But it's awareness for us now to look back and like you said, have more of those conversations of how are you doing? What do you need now? And what are some of the ways that a parent can receive support to help their child if they don't know. And that's something that's also come to be a little bit more normalized is parents saying I don't know how to deal with this. I don't I need help. Like, I'm not sure what the next steps are, and being able to find those new versions of normal. So bring us through some of those details after choosing to leave school. And we know now that you've created such a beautiful life for yourself, you are a multi business owner, very successful, beautiful dog, mom, and definitely no sign of the scars on your face. Shout out to the surgeons that have worked with you. But what did that kind of in between process look like? I'm sure there were days that were very dark and very hard. And how did you pull yourself? Yeah,

there were some dark days for sure. For a long time. I think that when we look at people, especially social media does a great job of this just painting a beautiful picture. But the days were really dark, and I was really scared. And I think I had to build a resilience and grit and perseverance that not a lot of other people were doing at 1718 1920 Like everyone else who finish a four year degree and party and like they're they had a lot of structure, right? They were away at school and everything was mapped out for them. You may talk a lot about how there's this lack of mapping and this lack of planning in my life. And the survival mode that I had to be in has served me greatly. But also when I finally was old enough to stop and think about what I had been through. I had to take a huge deep breath and huge like, sigh of whoa of overcoming I would say not a relief but just whoa I did that the days that were are dark, felt really lonely? I learned a lot about what it's like to be alone, and to sit with yourself in what you're going through. And I think nowadays, you built this and a lot of the women around us have, but community wasn't really a thing back then, how to find it. I felt like I was on an island by myself, especially because I was a pretty good student, I would say I didn't apply myself as hard as I could have, because I was more creative. But I was an honor student. I was a secretary of my class in high school, I was a cheerleader, a varsity lacrosse player, a soccer player, a dancer, I played instruments I sang, I had I checked all the boxes of extracurriculars. Yeah. And so when you think about where you're going to end up after you built the resume like that growing up, you don't think about college dropout, and you just feel so alone. So when I did finally leave school, I would say because my mom was a pretty hardcore educator, the understanding of the why behind me leaving school wasn't quite there, that I don't ever want to blame my parents for not understanding where I was at, because again, it wasn't really widely talked about, it was very taboo not to get your college degree. But I started to learn how important it was at that time. And I think about this now, the listening to my gut, and how it was that I supported myself in that moment. And I think that goes back to listening to yourself, and how that inner knowing no matter what all the other parents are doing with their kids, you probably have an inner knowing as to what works with your kids. And I use this with my dogs all the time, too. That's why I have a whole binder on how to watch my dogs because like, there's this and I'm sure parents have this too. There's this inner knowing that when you're around your children, you know what they need. And I think I started to really culminate that for myself. When I was around myself, I really figured out what I needed. And I didn't know that this was something that I had tapped into, until I really started to think about it and talk about my story now. Well, I would say as dark as the days were, I started to really listen to what I needed. And I was able to navigate, I did get myself into cosmetology school to start to hone in on this love of wardrobe and beauty. And my mom was a seamstress growing up, and I was into costuming, because I was in theater. So these were all passions of mine. And I was always the one doing everyone's hair and makeup and dressing them like that. That was just what I thought was like fun sleepover moves was actually like the semblance of my true passion, which is taking care of people and helping them look and feel beautiful. And then doing the work and knowing my gifts, and then complimenting them and making them feel like they're the most beautiful person in the room. That was something that I was always doing. But I learned this this entrepreneurial spirit just because I was my own cheerleader, and I got it a trade under my belt, like going off to cosmetology school in Boston. And that sort of sparked this, whoa, if I can do this on my own. I can do x, y, z and all the other things in the alphabet. And I started to really realize my own potential. And I felt like I unwrapped my own gift of a sense of self. And this entrepreneurial spirit, I think was always like brewing from a very young age.

I love that. And we're gonna unpack how this has shown up in your journey as you continue of having that own blueprint that you're creating for yourself, and really showing up for yourself. But for someone that's maybe listening, and they're like, Yeah, I just haven't found that internal confidence to push through, or I haven't been able to believe in myself enough to take that step forward. There were moments from what I hear that you just had no other choice like you had to move through. And then there were other moments where you were like, Hey, I did that. And I know that I can do what's next and I'm going to believe in myself. But when you're in that moment where you haven't found that confidence yet, what are some ways that you do put one foot in front of the other? Is there anything super tangible that you can look back on and go, maybe was signing up for cosmetology school and kind of having to show up or maybe it was something that you just had to put yourself out there? How did you do it when you felt so alone, and you didn't know if you could make it through

competence was a necessity for me, it was not an easy thing to culminate, I had a dig really deep. I was bullied a lot growing up by mean girls for years fifth grade through high school, it never stopped maybe for a year or so. And my competence could have easily been shot to the ground and there's this place that you can go to and you have to make a conscious choice, competence building And I just said this on a talk that I gave this morning too is like brushing your teeth. It has to be a daily practice. And I knew that nobody else had an understanding of where I was at. So if I was going to survive what I had just been through, it was absolutely necessary for me to build myself up. And I think I also knew that I wasn't done giving to the world, like I was, like, if I stop now, like, if I just crawl in this hole, nobody's gonna get to experience me. And I knew that I had something to bring to the table. And there there's a lot of skills that I unpacked over the years based on like jobs that I had, after going to cosmetology school, I packed up and moved across the country after that to San Francisco with some girlfriends sight unseen, I had never been there. And that's like, the third time I've done like a sight unseen, just like pack and move across the country. But I had no business doing that. I mean, like, what was I even doing, I had no job, I had no place to live, I had no plan. And this like, no plans, life that I've built, has all just been based on the fact that I knew there was like something out there. For me, it was more I knew I had to experience things I knew also, and anyone who has been through something life changing, like my car accident, or a loss of someone, or a great change in their life, anyone who has experienced that will tell you, after that thing, whatever it may be, you feel invincible. I just experienced that. There isn't anything that I can take on, right? Yeah. And if you don't have that feeling, maybe there's something even bigger that you have to go through. So if you haven't experienced that yet, you will. And how you tap into that feeling that you get afterward. It's almost like finishing a marathon, or I don't know, accomplishing some great big thing. After that. You're like, oh, bring it, God, whoever you believe in whatever you think is out there that's bigger than you just bring it on. If I got through this, I can get through this. And I don't know, I think there's just there has to be a daily practice and belief in yourself to though, you can feel all your feelings, you can feel your down valleys. But when you decide that it's time to move through that, and that you're ready to get to the other side of it, you better be like 100% in flow. And I think you have to like experience that. That feeling of what is it that is waiting on the other side for me. And for me, it was just knowing that there's a lot of gifts in here, like you said a lot of layers to this onion, and I want to see what they are. And I want to share them with people. So don't let that lack of confidence don't like get the best of you, because you are the owner of that. And I think if I can share anything with anyone that might be struggling with their confidence. It's like what really do you have to lose? Or Jesse Itzler talks a lot about not feeling any embarrassment. And I think that is a huge piece of the puzzle. I think with the minute we can get past ourselves and the embarrassment, embarrassment, we might feel around trying something new or failing or falling on our face or looking weird. As soon as you can get past that you're golden. Really all people that stopping people most times is they think people will think of them. I stopped worrying about that. Because guess what world I already had this huge scar on my face and I went on to have multiple surgeries on it. Three more surgeries after the reconstructive. So for total, and I had a year of healing after that, like staying out of the sun putting on zinc oxide on my face if I wanted to go to the beach with people and having white streaks on my face, so I wouldn't get any sun penetration. I think I had to get over the embarrassment pretty early. And I did get over this fear that people are actually worried about what I look like it was really how do I feel about how I look show people that I'm not bothered by how I look than they shouldn't feel bothered by it. Getting over that and allowing myself just this, I don't know, freedom to be me. Truly freed me. It did. And I think for people who are struggling with that, what is the blockage that you are creating for yourself because people don't really care about you. They're so busy in their own lives. And I don't care about what people think about me. But it's hard not to in your 20s that's all people in their 20s think about is what does the world think of me right now they're so worried and so impressionable. And for me, I had to grow up really fast. So I had to fast track that. And I had to be like, while these other people are all caring about what they look like, and getting married and settling down, and all the things and having babies, I'm out here networking, and I'm using my superpowers to build relationships that are going to serve me in my 40s and 50s. Sia later.

Yeah. And I think that caring what people think about you, I do think it continues past your 20s. But I think what changes is you have more life experience that you care less, because you have other things going on. Yeah. And when you're in your 20s, often, not everyone, but often we have less responsibilities, we have less things, it's really just about us and who else is out there. When you get older, you have maybe moved up in your career, you've birthed a business, you have other humans in your life, that you're responsible for different decisions that you've made, that then you start being able to distance yourself from those other opinions, because you have these other dynamics and variables. But there are women I talked to still all the time, like you said that are very worried whether it's before they start a business or they step into a goal, what their friend from high school is going to think or what their uncle is going to think are all these different people that really at the end of the day, when it comes to what it is that you're looking to achieve and take on, they don't really matter because they're not going to be a part of it. And sometimes that can be super tricky. And there, we were talking about UB and all of us being onions and having layers. And sometimes finding what is yours takes this trial and error of say, trying something on for size, if you will. And you've probably experienced this with your stylist clients of saying let's try this out. And then maybe it's not for them, maybe it's not their style, literally. And maybe it's not their goal or their dream or their path. And one of the things that you shared with me is that you were engaged once and you called it off. And that's an example of taking ownership in a decision where you've made a decision, you thought maybe was going to be correct. And then you decide you need to correct course, and you need to go a different direction. Let's talk a little bit about maybe that situation, or how else had shown up for you. And where you have to own Yeah, I thought maybe this was going to be the right path. And it's actually not, and how do you recollect that whether it's in business, maybe it's a business decision that you've had, or an engagement and anything else and just allowing yourself to say actually no, and moving the other direction?

A lot of that is is going back to that gut feeling too, right? Like how much are you tapping into that real knowing inside of you? I am a chronic people pleaser. I have been a people pleaser, my entire life. Perfectionism was a part of our childhood, a part of how we were raised, don't make a peep Don't cry in public don't show your emotion, all the things I think my it's, it was just that time of life. And I totally get that. And there are a lot of there's a lot of that I take into how I present myself in business or whatever it may be. But I think that that gut feeling I have had to make a lot of those pivots I had, I have had to set boundaries. For myself, I didn't even know what boundary setting was until very recently. But the first time, like you mentioned that I really had to turn a yes into a no was my engagement. I thought that I 35 If I was not engaged to the person that I had been with and living with at the time, which was the first time I really lived with somebody. I thought I'm a failure, if I don't have a marriage and get going on babies and all of the things that society expects of us or that maybe we just want for ourselves, right? It isn't just what society expects. It's about our inner knowing of what we want. I thought for sure this was my person. And it wasn't just me who said, Hey, this isn't working. I think the both of us really realized this is not working. This is not for either one of us were both he was thinking, Oh, I better settle down with this person. She seems pretty good. And I was thinking I better hurry up. And we've been dating for a couple of years. And he's 10 years older than me, we better get on it. And it was a really hard decision to make. Because at that time, one of the local magazines was covering restyle down the aisle and during this whole blog series on me and the wedding planning had begun and I had a big ring on my finger and it was just this whole production and I worked in the industry. So I was bringing in a lot of vendors to be a part of my process. And it's like shouting from the rooftops that you're going to do something and then retreating into like your little tortoise shell and being like, this isn't happening anymore. How embarrassing. I've already told the world I'm gay. Getting married. So now when people see me after X amount of time, they're gonna be like, Oh, congratulations on your engagement. I haven't seen you since which still happened for two years after that engagement. No. But Kelsey, I had to make a really hard decision that I knew ultimately would serve me in the end, because it's like that saying, I didn't come this far to only come this far, all the work that I had done on myself, and for myself, and all the alone time that I had spent and all the work that I had done getting to where I needed to get and connecting all the dots and doing all the jobs and meeting all the people and laying all of the groundwork for my career. This person wasn't supportive of my career, I found myself turning into somebody that I wasn't, I was not somebody who was going to cook dinner every night for this person, I was not going to be this just goes along with everything person, I was still a very, I'm still incredibly independent. And I know exactly what I want. I know what I want. When I go to the hair salon, I know what I want for coffee, I know exactly what I want, which is not something that I came out of the womb, knowing my mom would joke that I would want I make a decision and then cry because I didn't go the other way, like FOMO for my entire life. But now I feel pretty confident in my decision making. So when I started to realize that I was losing myself completely, I was out, I was totally out. And it was really hard for about a year. And then it was what was I thinking, attempting to get married at this stage in my life. And while everybody else was already like, I had friends who had kids in high school, at that time when I was just starting to get engaged. So society was painting a totally different picture. But I didn't even care. I like cut the noise, I set my boundaries. And I knew it wasn't for me. And I've done this in business too. Like you said, I announced last year or the beginning of the top of this year that I was gonna launch a podcast, I put my artwork out there, I hired a podcasting team, I made the Instagram, I did the whole thing. And then I realized, I don't have time for this, I already have two businesses, I want different things right now I need to put the time and effort into rescue kit. Another thing I had done, and I don't know, idea people raise your hands out there. entrepreneurs, people who are manifest errs, if you are familiar with human design, like ideas, I am constantly coming up with them, I want to execute on all of them. I own like 1000 websites, I sleep with a notebook next to my bed, my brain never stops, all I do is generate ideas. And I wanted to execute on this idea because I thought it was good. And when people have made suggestions to me about what they think I should do, again, it's like the people pleasing thing. You shouldn't podcast, you should write a book, you should have a TV show, we hear that all the time from people. And I think one of the ways that it manifested for me was in this whole other persona that I thought needed to be out there because that's what people wanted from me, because that's what they thought would be a great use of my time and expertise. And it was like going back to the pre therapy Risa and the person that was like, just there to do for others, because acceptance was how I got by for so long after the bullying and just after the car accident, and just needing to find acceptance, however I can get there. So the reason that I've had to do so many pivots, is because I didn't tap into my gut. I didn't listen to my knowing I didn't honor myself in that way. And I think the minute that we lose that authenticity, and we start to do things because we think other people expected of us. That's when we have to make those really hard turns from the yeses to the nose. And I'm sure we've all experienced it, whether that it's like announcing a business or ending an engagement or whatever it is, like whether it's really big, or just a really something small, like we've all had to really to pivot from those yeses to nose and it is embarrassing. And it's it's earth shattering. And it costs money. It costs friendships, it costs relationships. There's a lot of cost out there when we make those decisions. But those are short term losses for long term gains as far as I'm concerned.

Yeah. So the first thing that comes to my mind when we talk about this is those are all decisions that we make, right? There are things that we can choose which direction we're gonna go and we can turn that yes into a no or even if we haven't said yes, yeah, we can say no, before we even there. But there's certain things that happen in our lives that feel out of our control. And I think about women that experience loss where they announced their pregnancy and they're not able to carry that through and they have people asking them about it and they have to share those stories, or people that haven't become a mom yet. You and I have talked a lot about this and I know you get questions from people are you thinking about this? What are you doing you just shared on your Instagram a really fun way to announce that you are getting a puppy, and did it very similar to how people announced a pregnancy, and kind of played on that and said, hey, you know, I've always wanted to be a mom. It hasn't happened for me yet. And right now, I am a dog, mom. And I want to celebrate this in a way that feels really good. I would love for you to talk a little bit about first, like, just how you've navigated the questions that come at you for things that you feel like you don't have control over. And we had talked about you saying, you're trying to follow a blueprint that you're writing as you're going, because there isn't another one out there. How do you navigate societal expectations, your own expectations, as you said, things that you wanted? When you there are certain things out of your control? How do you just take ownership of what you do control when you're like, go I want this to but I don't have the ability to execute that.

Oh, Kelsey, I love it so much. Because this is like my life. And there's there's there's no greater bait for people I think, than a single woman in her 40s who's just building a business and out there dangling like in the wilderness with no man on her side, like people just like love they live for. I get so many DMS like Are you dating anyone? Can I set you up with this person? What's going on? Why don't you post about any like, personal stuff, like, I get so many people dropping into my DM. So that was like a little parody moment of that post and giving the people what they wanted, but also making them think that maybe there's a pregnancy happening? Maybe not, but also like back off a little bit like to all those people asking those questions sometimes like, we don't always know the answer, right. And I don't know why I haven't had children yet. I don't know the answer to that. I've always wanted to be a mom. And there was a woman that I worked with years ago, who is in the mommy blogging space. And I was helping to write some of her content. And I asked if I can have my name on the byline for the things that I was writing. And she very clearly told me to my face, that you're not a mom. So I don't think that we should put that out there. And I was like, but I'm an expert in the styling space. And I know how to dress moms. It's telling an NFL coach that never played in the NFL, but as an expert, coach, like, are you going to tell Ted last? Oh, that he can't coach? I don't think so. Because you know what I'm saying? Like, it just felt so it felt so demeaning. And it felt so sad for me, because I was like, something that I want. And I'm an expert in that space. And so navigating some of these questions about the why I don't have an answer for you. But I know that I've always it's something that I, I've always wanted. But the universe had a different plan for me. And I think I'm 42, like I said, and I recently went out with this person, this guy who said you only have a small window that you can have kids, right, you know that and I was like, Thank you. Thank you for that. I do know that. And he was like, have you frozen your eggs? And I'm like, Are you going to pay for it? Because it's expensive. And you have to make a choice. There's a lot of choices that come into play? Do I want to put that money into my business baby? Do I want to put it into maybe saving for a house, like do I want to can't do I want to freeze my eggs and then hope that maybe there's a chance that will end or maybe there's somebody I wanted to raise these children with because I haven't met that person yet. And there's a lot of boundary setting, I think that comes with this position that I'm in I have to cut a lot of noise, I have to ignore a lot. I have to be sensitive to the fact that I have a platform and maybe somebody can benefit from me sharing a little bit more but I think it's just ultimately comes down to protection of self and also sharing like you said authentically, I don't have the answers to these questions. But I do know that these are things that I wanted and for the people that are out there that want to start the business or want to have the children can't or have lost babies along the way that have and have been actively trying and do have a partner that they want to do it with. We don't know why these things happen to us. We can't put our finger on it. We have to trust that there is a plan for us and all those noes are happening and all of those doors being slammed in our face so we can have the bigger greater Yes, it's just us. And I truly believe that sharing my journey about something that I want openly because like you said I can go out and pretty much do anything else that I want to do but I can't control having a baby and I don't want to do it alone. I don't a lot of people might I don't be a dog mom is really hard like I have to give them, like double duty dog attention, and I want to make sure that one if one is getting pet, the other is getting pet at the same time, I want them to feel all of my love at the same time. And if I'm gonna sell the one on the couch, I'm gonna sit on the floor with the smaller one. And it's really hard to be in all these places at once and have a business into it alone, I would love to do it with a partner, I really would. And so for the people out there that haven't gotten what they want yet, I'm I see you, that's all I want to say is that, I see you and I feel that with you. And I don't want to say, just be patient, I don't want to say it's coming for you. All I want to say is keep doing what feels good to you in that moment to get you through and honor yourself. And practice, self love as much as you can. Because you are with yourself for the rest of your life. And I think giving yourself grace that those things haven't happened yet. And knowing that it's okay, that you'll be okay. And there's a lot of energy that you can pour into people around you like I have nieces and nephews, I have friends kids that I try to create special experiences with. I like to volunteer for kids and mentor kids. So I find motherhood in everything that I do in life.

Yeah. And it's such a blessing when you're able to take a step back and say, Okay, here's how I'm going to find it right now. Because I can't find it in that other way. So you're not completely cutting yourself out from some of those same feelings, you're just finding a different way to obtain those feelings. Now, when it comes to focusing on yourself in this process, it's I wouldn't say I don't want to use the word a gift, it's a different opportunity for you to have this time to really get clear on you and focus on You. And people that step into motherhood so much younger. They don't necessarily take that time. And it shows up in different ways, right, and they've got something that you want, but they're also now maybe searching for something you've been able to achieve, which is the self confidence and this self ownership of your life. What tangibly on a weekly basis regularly do you do to step into like your power and find the strength to create the things that you have created to honor life now versus life that you hope and want for one day? How do you care for yourself on a regular basis? What are some of the things you do?

I do a lot of journaling and future gratitude thing. So writing things down that I'm grateful for that haven't actually happened yet. It's my form of manifestation. I've learned this from mentors. And I think it's my way of reassuring myself that those things are going to happen for me, because I'm putting them onto paper. And trust me, it works. For me, it works. I think the more we can practice expressing gratitude and just like being grateful for the moment that we're in, and the things that we know will happen for us. Because I am a person who sees the end of my story. I have seen myself, the head of the table in the boardroom talking about rescue kit to the people who will one day buy it like and still stay gone as CEO or creative director, but I've seen myself I've envisioned myself. So taking that time, whatever that practice means to you whether it's meditating, writing, for me, it's writing it down, I digitize everything. And then I manually write everything. So my to do list is do or die. Like I need it, I have to have it. And I have it in multiple places. I also I take a moment in the morning to be super quiet. It's been really cool having a new puppy because he gets up really early. And my other dog is not a morning dog. So we're not used to like super early mornings, just early mornings. So now it's like super early mornings. But I have seen the sunrise more times in the last month than I have probably in my lifetime. And so I found this moment in the morning, where both dogs are like falling back asleep after getting up work. It's still dark, the sun is starting to come up. I'm on the couch and I just get to be super quiet number one because I'm like don't wake the puppy again. But number two, because I have this gift of like starting the day in silence and just thinking about how grateful I am. So that has become a newer practice that I have not shared with anybody. So there you go. We're all Yeah, this quiet time of really thinking about what's going to get done today. What What am I grateful for look at these adorable sleeping dogs that just love me so much talk about lucky. Then moving my body in some way but it doesn't mean a hardcore workout. It just means whether it's like a morning salutation I do this when I get up in the morning. I do say how grateful I am to be alive. I know that sounds crazy. But I am really grateful for this life. I have everything that I need right now. And I feel like it's enough and it's not I I'm not a homeowner, that's another thing like, I don't own my home, I rent it. And all these things like that society expects expects you to, they expect you to own your home in your 40s they expect you to be married, they expect you to have babies, they expect you to have X amount of dollars in your retirement like, I have thrown the playbook completely out. So I think like my routine is it reflects that it's like kind of this just imperfect planning, I have built a business out of having a plan and being prepared with rescue, like thinking about all the things that could go wrong, but there is just this like imperfect plan to my life and, and throwing perfectionism like out the window. But I do live by my list. I live by that quiet time in the morning, I live by getting some kind of small movement in. And I also like to tell at least one person every day that I love them. Because empathy for people and love for people is one of my core values. I am obsessed with helping people feel good and expressing that to them. And I think when you can show that gratitude and that love for somebody, it feels really good in your heart and you feel like you have maybe made one person's day. And to me that's like the ultimate ROI in life is like how have I served others?

Yeah. And you do such a good job at it. It shines from like your social media. It's where I've heard you speak before to just how you show up in a room, you really do show up as that person so you are living it. Now we've talked about turning yeses into nose. We've talked about the ones that we have zero control over. But your businesses are the product of you following yeses, overcoming challenges and boundaries and creating something so beautiful in both areas. I'd love to know when I first started her hearing about stylists, I didn't know that stylists were like Main Street that everyone had a stylist I thought it was something that like celebrities had. But it wasn't something that everyone could take action on. I'd love for you to talk about, like how you knew this was like a viable career option? Or did you jump into it not knowing, and then also how you built on top of that to create something even bigger or different? And just expand on that through rescue cat. So Did you know Did you meet other stylist? Or were you like, I don't know, I just feel like I'm gonna step into the space and create it because it was something that once I have told people and I think I told you this, I hate shopping. I am not that person that wants to go pick out an outfit or shot. But I like to look good. And I love when someone else can deliver me an outfit and be like, hey, think this will look good on you put it on. But I do not want to do that. That does not bring me joy. And I have told people this for years. And finally someone was like, oh, you should get a stylist and I was like, ah, and they were like no people have stylists that are just like normal day people. And I was like, Wait, really? So I don't know, maybe I'm just out of the loop. And everyone else knows this. But I didn't know this. So I would love for you to just tell us how you stepped into this. And then also how you built upon it.

Yeah, I'd like to find viable career. Kelsey. Yeah, you know what, like, everything in my career. It's all been by accident. None of this was planned. I think I always knew I wanted to serve people. And I have years of customer service experience from working in restaurants. So I knew, and I'm the ultimate hype girl, as you said, I how I show up on social media and how I show up for people on their photoshoots. And when I'm giving a talk or on a panel or something that is really genuinely how I feel about people, I'm just like, let's go, let's get you dressed. Let's hype you up. Let's build you up. I live for it there. I like all those years of cheering like they are now like everybody else is It's my secret weapon. It's everybody else's state gets cash in on that. But I have 0% idea that this was going to be my career when I started in the fashion industry. When I was living in San Francisco, I worked at a day spa and I met a fashion designer and that's how I fell into the fashion industry. But even alongside working for her I was also down the street at this boutique shopping there so much and then I started dressing all the customers who came in and I was like, no, no, don't buy that than that's not going to be good for your body. I would literally start dressing people and the owner of the shop would be there on the weekends and say do you want a job here on Saturdays we'll pay you in a small hourly and you can get commission on what you sell. And I just remember like that, that was like Don't threaten me with a good time commission on what I sell like I will literally sell out this whole store on Saturday. And then she took me as a guest buyer to one of the trade shows in California and I was like yeah, this is cool. Like I love fashion and but I had no idea that I could turn it into some crazy career. But before I got this job with this fashion designer, I did have this inkling that now I had done the hair and makeup. I had done some buying. I started to realize like this head to toe look, I love the head to toe look of styling, and I thought maybe I could move to LA A because I was on the west coast. So I think I was more privy to what was happening in California and Hollywood and everything. So I thought maybe I could have a career as a stylist, like a costume designer or something in LA, but I never went to LA because that fashion designer hired me for a company. But I think I knew that career choice was always there for me. But like you said, I had no idea it could be so mainstream. I think I just cut it from nothing, too. I remember moving here. And thinking, I've got all this crazy fashion experience, I should do something with it. And I knew I loved weddings, because I started singing in weddings when I was 10. So I was around them for my whole life. And I knew I loved brides in the wedding day. And that feeling that I had like being behind the scenes with a bride doing her hair and makeup and getting her ready. I had a rush from that as like a huge dopamine hit. Wow, she feels like the most beautiful person in the room right now. And I contributed to that. So I knew that it was all starting to brew, right. And when I launched on the scene here, I do remember that I did my research and I figured out who was already doing what I wanted to do. And I wanted to make myself stand out in a way like that felt very different from them. So I built my website myself and I attached myself to an amazing family photoshoot photographer here, Katie rounds. And she said to me, like these families need some help picking out outfits, do you think that you'd be interested in packaging your services with my photo shoots and I thought, wow, yeah, built in customer base 100%. And I'm an I, I walked right into doing like 3040 families a season and way under charging, way under charging, but it got my name out there. And I also just started pitching myself to magazines as like the top Arizona stylists, What business did I have doing? I don't even know. But because I had public relations experience for my time in New York City working in the fashion PR world. I knew how to pitch myself and I knew how to position myself in the media. So I don't know it just happened. Like you said there. This blueprint there. There's no blueprint for how I created this business. But I love to see how much talent is out there with people. There are some incredible wardrobe stylists here in our community, who do such an amazing job of dressing all body types. And I think I always say my job is 90% therapy, and 10% talent, right? Like be able to deal with people, you have to know how to speak to people, because these are their bodies. These are their these are their fears. These are their challenges daily. But we all have to get dressed. So how can I make it an exciting and engaging and inspiring opportunity for them to love their body, but I don't, I don't know what business I had even starting in this industry, to be honest. So the fact that I would sell myself as an expert, what the heck, but I knew that I was good with people. And I knew that I had a knack for the find. And I love hunting for a treasure. And then I love putting this head to toe look together. But it's a lot of work. And you're like I said a lot of people's insecurities. And my style might be very different from this person style and this person style. So you cannot dress people for how you want to look. And that is the biggest challenge that a stylist will probably tell you is you will not stand the test of time with your clientele. If you don't know how to tap into that person's lifestyle, their wishes, their needs, their wants, their insecurities and their big dreams for who they want to be. If you tap into who they want to be, and you only have your agenda behind the scenes, you will not stand the test of time, you will not have a long standing and it won't viable, like you said viable. But I think it's because I love people so much that I've been able to maintain this clientele. And then of course, I saw a need for the problem solving that needed to happen behind the scenes with how to wear some of these clothes, which is how rescue kit was born and disasters that were happening behind the scenes. It's you can lead a horse to water, right? But if straps are breaking, and you don't empower people to solve their own problems, I wanted to know how I could be in the room with people in a way that wasn't an actual, actually physically me, like how can my brain be in the room with them? And how can I solve these problems? And that's how rescue kit came about.

And you can support more people now. And this whole conversation reminds me I was just listening to a podcast with Whitney Wolfe herd who's the founder of Bumble and she was talking about how she just ended up at a dinner one night that then put her into an incubator, which then brought her to working for Tinder and creating Bumble and all these seeds that were planted that she had no idea we're going to lead her to creating what she has. And I think it's the same thing of you create that confidence by just all these little seeds and if you hadn't been at that day spa to meet that stuff. The person in the fashion industry to then be able to expand and moving to Arizona and creating this for yourself. It's all these little things that added together. And I so often hear women that are looking to go after their goals or move towards something. And they're like, how do I get started? How do I do that? And it's you just have to take the first step. Like you have to just keep moving forward. And I hear that so much and everyone's story, but especially in years of saying, okay, and then once I was helping all these people create their outfits and their styles and this head to toe look, I was like, Wait, straps are breaking, they need a lint roller they these different things, that how can I deliver this in a way that isn't me physically being in every room or someone having a stylus every single day, they're going to have it for a package or different things like that. So let's talk a little bit about rescue kit. Before we wrap up and what some of the items are that are in there. I know you have a special for brides, but this is so much bigger than your wedding day, that you can have this package with you all the time. And our mom community loves having preparedness and whether it's throwing it in the car, having it in the diaper bag, or whatever it is so that you have the things that you need to make things a little bit less stressful. And that is literally what the rescue kit is. So let's unpack like some of the items that are in there. I know there's so many but what are like the top like favorites that people see on the day to day basis?

I know you moms love a stain remover. Okay, listen, like I know, I know you moms are walking around all day. And you might need a foot gel pad. Okay, I know you might want to double stick tape the pinkie to their hand. I don't know. I'm just saying like this product serves everybody. And the reason that we named it the rescue kit company and not just like the bride kit, which is what our bride kit is called. But we left it really open and I it's so funny because people always come to me and say, Have you thought about and I'm like, if I had a nickel for every time somebody says that, to me, I would be a millionaire. Of course we thought about it. We have huge plans. We want this to be on the level of a Spanx. We know that there, there's a lot of room to grow. And this thing has some serious legs. But before you run, you have to walk. And that's the other thing, Kelsey that you mentioned, I love the journey. rescue kit is going to be a lifelong journey. For me. It is not something I want to be an overnight success. If somebody were to come around tomorrow, and you can mark my words on this and say I will cut you a $10 million check right now to walk away and sell me this business or whatever. And I would say absolutely not. No, I've got a lot of life left in me for us. Yeah, we built it to serve brides and we built it to serve everyone who gets dressed in their closet every day. And we did launch just a few months before the pandemic hit. We launched in December of 2019. So we're about to turn four. And when we launched, it was all about the bride kit because that's what I know is styling brides and styling weddings and the wedding industry and also kids babies dogs, weddings, like you can't go wrong with those industries, they're always going to be around but the pandemic kind of scared us a little bit because it did hold weddings for a while. So we did pivot and we launched the closet kit, the event kit, the travel kit, the groom kit, all these things, but one of the best bits of advice that we ever received was Don't cast your net too wide. It's not worth it. You've got to make sure that you've got one hero product that does well and then you can grow from there. So once the pandemic kind of quieted down we went put all our all of our efforts back into the bride kit and our photo shoot kits. So the bracket has 22 items photoshoot kit has 19 and those are our sort of signature kits. So we serve rides and then we serve like media professionals, people who take the stage people who are podcasting like you or doing panels or doing TV or just the fashionista who wants to have all of the tools in her tool belt when she's getting dressed like double stick tape lint roller sewing kit, pre threaded needles, foot gel pads, deodorant, removing sponge, Body Glide for anti cheap anti blister. See I'm looking at everything right now hair and pin kid I'm out here in my headquarters and

like I've heard a lot about the sweat pads like oh, yeah, those in for when I could probably use those right now. I've heard a lot about those from Yeah, their clients. So yes, and then

one of the things that's most important to us is having a marketplace of these individual items as well and really being the authority for where to get some of these items. So launching our own products like we are in production with one of our own sprays that hasn't been released yet but we worked with the chemists to create it. And then our own glam and garment shield to protect your face and your makeup from transferring on to clothing set to protect your glam and then of course like when you're in the dressing room and you want to try something on its elastin your size, it's a white turtleneck and then you go and get your glam all over it. The last thing you want to do is buy that and take it home if you're a busy mom, you don't wanna have to go to the dry cleaner or wash it and then hair dry it because Zara, everything shrinks. These are all the things that I'm thinking about Every day when we're creating a product, we're like, how are we making people's lives easier? And how are we making them the hero, these products are not just like willy nilly, oh, that's a dupe of this, or a copy of this. No, these are like things that I use in my styling kit every single day things that everyone should have in their closets, they can feel empowered safety pins, and in four different colors, because we have to think about your fabric that you're wearing. And this kit is you can throw that in your car, you can throw that in your purse, it's got two different colored bobby pins, clear rubber bands, straight pins, you never know where you're going to need to create a quick hem for a photoshoot. double stick tape that him and you're good to go. We don't have time to run to the alterations place every time we buy something new. I want to empower people to be able to wear it right then and there and be their own hero.

And I am so guilty of being super last minute. And the other thing that I love about your kit is I don't find out until the day before my friend's wedding that I probably should have had an alteration, right? And so now I can be like, Oh, okay, I'm gonna figure out how to make this work, whether it's double stick tape, or it's yeah, having something myself and making it work. As much as I'd love to say I'm always on top of it, like we knew have different plates spinning all the time, something is gonna fall. And for me it is always like outfits and planning and that way. So I absolutely love what you've put together. So where can everyone get the rescue K every version of it? How can they follow you find you? And then I have one last question.

Yes. And I want to say too, in regards to the plates spinning you moms out there you human moms are doing so much you are managing everyone's lives. And you put yourself last often. And when we created this, because my sister is my business partner, and she is a mom. And we talked about this before the show that you didn't know I had a co founder. And I think what she brings to the table amongst all of her many spreadsheet and organizational brilliant talents. She brings motherhood to the table. And I think that's a great like full circle moment to for this podcast interview is to say I love having her on the team and as my partner because every day we talk about the struggle of motherhood and how hard it is. And so if we can do one more thing to make your lives easier than we want to and now I forgot your last question, because I hadn't tell you that.

Oh, yes. Okay, everyone get the rescue kit and where can they connect with you?

Okay, thank you. Yes, bring it back to that you can shop on the rescue kit co.com. And they'd love to give you a discount for your listeners they can use let's see what to do. Mama has goals, or do you want to do mama or Kelsey, you can pick and we'll get it in the show notes. Let's keep

it short for everyone with two MHGM HG

15. Okay, so everyone get 15% off their entire order every time they come to the site. And you can visit us on the rescue kit koat.com. for that. We are also at the rescue kit CO on Instagram. And then you can visit me on my website for any styling inquiries on Risa costas.com. And on Instagram is just at Risa Costas, that you can shop the product directly through Instagram, through Facebook, and of course on our website.

Amazing and we'll definitely link all that below. So for your last question, Marisa, what is something you're excited about right now you have so many things you just brought in your puppy, you have so many things you're working towards and succeeding at what is a goal? If someone were to say, what are you working on right now? What are you excited about? What would it be? Oh, wow,

I have so many. I'm like, remember who I said I was an ideal person? No, no, if so many. Right now, I'm trying to implement some give back into my life again, I used to work a lot with value theater, but I was running out of time. And I really want to bring that back into my life because I just love doing for others. So amongst all the business ideas that I have in the plans for rescue kit, which I keep a lot under the vest just because I like people just wait and see. Yeah, but there's a lot of charitable aspects that I have coming into my life and one of which is a partnership with actually my Puppy's namesake. Patrick Dempsey and his Dempsey center. Patrick is a Maine native like myself, and he has his cancer support center called the Dempsey center, and we have a really fun partnership brewing with them. So I think that that's going to open a lot of great doors for people to know about us and to know that we have giveback hearts. My sister has an occupational therapy background and loves to take care of people as well. So I would just say that I'm most excited about the bigger and better and really more exciting ways that we can serve people beyond making money with us. product but it's going to be in the partnerships and collaborations that we continue to have and do with people that are doing things that are bigger than us.

I love that so much Risa, thank you so much for being here. It was such a good conversation.

Thank you so much.

You your story and what you have to offer this world builds me up. I want to meet you join me on Instagram at this is Kelsey Smith. And let's create a ripple effect for mamas with goals together is better