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Money Management in Relationships: Avoiding Conflict and Building Harmony Together | Ep. 302
Episode 30213th February 2024 • Money Talk With Tiff • Tiffany Grant
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Welcome to a special Valentine's Day episode of the Money Talk with Tiff podcast! In this episode, Tiffany Grant dives into the often challenging topic of managing money in relationships. From reasons why couples argue about money to strategies for effective money management as a couple, Tiffany shares valuable insights and tips to help lovebirds navigate their finances harmoniously.

Whether it's discussing financial infidelity, income inequality, joint finances, or creating a joint financial plan, this episode covers it all. Tiffany also shares romantic financial planning ideas for couples to celebrate Valentine's Day.

So, grab a seat, cuddle up with your partner, and get ready for an episode that could make a positive impact on your relationship and financial future.

Timestamps

[00:00] Respect different perspectives to facilitate smoother conversations.

[05:31] Income inequality creates financial strain in relationships.

[07:40] Merging vs. separate accounts for couples' finances

[12:30] "Start joint savings challenge for a future date."

[15:12] Podcast host invites feedback and upcoming episodes.

Key Takeaways

  • Money issues in relationships: Different spending habits, financial infidelity, income inequality.
  • Managing finances as a couple: Merging vs. separate accounts, expense splitting, joint financial planning.
  • Communication and transparency: Open conversations, setting financial boundaries, discussing goals.
  • Building trust: Avoiding financial arguments, mutual agreement on expenses, regular expense review.
  • Romantic financial planning: Joint savings challenge, budget-friendly date ideas, DIY gifts.
  • Tailored approach to finances: N
  • No one-size-fits-all, understanding relationship dynamics, adjusting plans as necessary.

Additional Links & Resources

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Copyright 2024 Tiffany Grant



This podcast uses the following third-party services for analysis:

Chartable - https://chartable.com/privacy

Transcripts

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You know what it is. That's right. It's time to talk money with your

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money nerd and financial coach. Now tighten those purse

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strings and open those ears. It's the money talk with tiff

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podcast. Hey, hey, and welcome

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to a special Valentine's Day episode of the

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Money Talk with TIff podcast. This is usually

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Tiffany's take where I answer your money question. So to get your

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question answered on the podcast, just go to ww dot

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moneytalkwitht.com xtiffany. But since

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we're so close to Valentine's day, I figured, why not do a

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couples in money episode for all the couples and lovebirds out

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there? I know that managing money in a relationship

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is hard. I have been through it before,

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and I just wanted to share just

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some tips and tricks and things of that nature when

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it comes to sharing money with your partner. Now,

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I say partner because it doesn't have to be a spouse. I know that there

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are couples out there that cohabitate. They live together,

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and they share money, too. And so this is for

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people that do share money with their partner.

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This episode should help you out a little bit. So, first

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and foremost, what are some reasons why couples may

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argue about money? So, number one, and this is what I

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see most often in working with clients, is different spending

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habits. So one partner may be a saver while the other is a

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spender. Sometimes both are spenders, but what they spend on is two

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different things. They're like, well, why do you have to buy a car?

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Well, why do you have to buy clothes? That type of thing. So

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usually, different spending habits is one of the main

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motivators of why couples argue about money.

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And the thing is, nobody's right or wrong. And that

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is another thing that I see as well. You may be thinking, well,

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since this is how you spend money, this is the right way to do it.

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And the other person's wrong. Well, really what it is is we all

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grow up differently, and so we all have different things

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that influence us. We had different upbringings, so on and

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so forth. And so I urge you to take the approach of

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not saying, well, your way is the wrong way and my way is the right

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way. Have some compassion when you are talking

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to your significant other partner, spouse, whoever, and

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understand that their lens may be different than theirs, and then approach

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the conversation in that way. I can tell you that that definitely

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helps the conversation flow a little smoothly, a little more

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smoothly. So try to see things from

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their point of view. And if you don't know how

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your partner grew up. Ask them. I always

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tell people it's great to get to know who you're

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with on that level. Like, what were their parents like growing

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up? How did their parents interact with money? What did they see?

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All of these questions are great to

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dive a little deeper into their thought process. And you can probably

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google some questions you should ask your partner when it comes to

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their money or what have you. Just make sure that when you do it, you

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do it from a place of love, caring, and truly wanting to

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understand, not as a method to attack. Okay.

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All right, so number two, financial infidelity. So this

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is like concealing large purchases, debts, or accounts from one

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another. And the social media post was saying, should I tell my

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fiance because she just got proposed to, that I have six figures in

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student loan debt? And in the comments,

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the answers really varied. One person I

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remember, though, they were like, no, secure the ring first. And I'm

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like, woo. Red flag. You should

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absolutely have these open conversations

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with whoever you are looking to marry

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because it could help or hurt one or both of you,

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honestly. And so sometimes you'll realize that

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having these conversations and understanding what each other's

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goals are, you make him work together. Like, what

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if in that situation, she told him that she has six

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figures of student loans? Maybe he already paid off his, and he's

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like, you know what? I can help you get these paid off.

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You don't know unless you have those conversations, right? So

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please, I urge you, going back to the first

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point, have these conversations openly and honestly. If

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someone's willing to judge you about your financial situation

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and then therefore not get married or not be in a relationship

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anymore, maybe that's what needs to happen.

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Honestly, you need to be with

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someone that can understand and fully support you in

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whatever way you're coming to the relationship.

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And then with the couples that are already together,

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you shouldn't have to hide purchases. If you do, you

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should really evaluate what is going on here, because

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usually financial infidelity

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stems from something else. And so kind of dig a

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little bit and see why do I feel the need to hide these purchases?

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Or why do they feel a need to hide these purchases? Is it because I'm

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judgmental? Or is it because I feel guilty?

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Like, what is the feeling behind that? And then that'll help you kind

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of dig into that. Okay, the next one. Income

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inequality. So disagreements can arise when one partner earns

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significantly more than the other. I have seen this at play

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a few times where one person feels like they

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should be making more than the other person, but

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that's just not how things play out. And so they're like,

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okay, well, you still need to come up with half of everything, which

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is fine, if that's what you all agree upon. But do

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understand, if there's an income inequality,

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then how do we make this where one person's not struggling

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and the other person is living their best life? So

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really think about how can we make this an equitable

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situation if there's some income inequality there?

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All right, so according to a survey by

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SunTrust Bank, 35% of respondents name money as

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the primary cause of friction in their relationship. Financial

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disagreements increase the likelihood of divorce and can lead to trust

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issues. I mean, imagine if you are dealing with

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financial infidelity or you are the one that is financially

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hiding things, then how is the other person supposed to trust you?

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Or how are you supposed to trust the other person? So that's

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why money is usually one of the main causes of

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divorce or issues in a relationship. So, now that we've

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talked about money talk in a relationship, let's talk

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about money management in relationships. So I get this question

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quite often, how should we manage our money as a couple?

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And I always say, it depends. Okay?

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Because really, it depends on your

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relationship dynamic. It depends on what will make

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you all feel more cohesive as a couple.

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Sometimes merging finances. So that is when

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you have one bank account, you are both working from the same bank

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account. Sometimes that can go well, but in other

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situations, it can go really bad. So you have

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to look at both positions. It could foster

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unity and transparency. You can't hide anything.

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You are both working together from the same pot of money,

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usually towards the same goals, but it can also lead to

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disagreements over your individual spending. So, for

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instance, if you like to order Uber Eats or

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Doordash and the other partner doesn't agree with that,

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well, if you merge your finances, then they're going to

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see every time that you spend on Doordash. And if it

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starts inching into the goals that you all set, it's

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going to be a problem. And so

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merging accounts and having one account does have its pros and

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cons. Now, let's talk about separate, right? Because

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you each can have your own separate account and then work

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from that, and then make sure that you just have your

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portion of the bills or however you all want to do it. Now,

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that allows for financial independence, so you don't have to answer to anybody

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about how you're spending any of the money. But it also could

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potentially create communication gaps because you don't really have to talk about

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it, all you have to do is make sure you have your half, and that's

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it. Okay? So really think about

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will merging our finances work, or will

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maintaining separate accounts work for us? And like I said, it just depends

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on the couple. So there's no one size fit. All. All that social

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media talk you see. Oh, if you're married, you should definitely have a joint

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account. Not necessarily. It doesn't work for

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everybody. I've seen couples that don't have joint

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accounts that are super happy in their relationship and never have money

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issues because they realize that separate accounts actually

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just works better for them. It's okay. Now, you could

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also do a combination of the two, where you have

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one joint bill account where all the bill money and

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everything goes, and then you have your separate accounts for separate

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spending for all the things that you want to do. Now,

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I've seen this work for couples as well. We have the transparency

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aspect, where we're merging for the bills and all our

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joint financial plans, which I'll talk about later. But then

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we also have a separate account where if I decide that I want to eat

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doordash or uber eats, it's fine. I can do that as long as

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I have money in this account. So that's a way where you can do a

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combination of both. And I've seen that work as well.

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So another thing that you should absolutely talk about in your relationship

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is expense splitting. So discuss

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who should pay what ahead of time. So

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have a mutual agreement. That way, you avoid misunderstandings. And

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this is perfect for the money dates that I tell my

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couples to have. And even if you're single, have a money date with yourself. But

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that's for another episode. But the money date you all should have, where

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you're sitting down and you're talking about, okay, what

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do we want to spend our money on this month? How did we spend our

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money last month? Are we still on track for our goals? So

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on and so forth. So, during your money date, make sure that

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you agree on who is paying for what, what you're spending

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on. And that way, throughout the month, you're not having all of

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these little bitty fights that usually blow up into

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big ones when you already know ahead of time

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what's going on. So highly recommend that you have those conversations,

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and then also just regularly review your expenses, set

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financial boundaries, and always, always discuss your

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financial goals. Okay, so now let's talk about

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creating a joint financial plan. So the importance

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of this is it creates a sense of partnership and can help

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avoid financial arguments. Which we just talked about. It also

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allows for transparency about income, debts, and financial goals.

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And it's crucial to successful financial planning. So

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even if you all decide on separate accounts, you should still have these

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conversations because it's important to know what's going on,

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how you all are operating, is there anything you all can help each other

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with? And so on and so forth. Like if you're a spender and your

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partner is a saver, maybe they can help you spend less.

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Maybe you can help them spend more. But you don't know

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unless you have these conversations. Also, set some common

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financial goals. Decide on savings and spending limits,

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and regularly review and adjust this plan as

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necessary. So make sure that you all are

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creating a joint plan, even if things are

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separate, because it does help you both get

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further faster. So since this is a Valentine's Day

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special, let's talk about some romantic financial

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planning.

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So maybe one thing that you can do, maybe you

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can jump started on Valentine's Day, is a joint savings

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challenge for a future date or a holiday or a

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vacation. And with that, you're like, okay,

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let's save x amount of money, let's have it by this amount

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of time, and let's see if we can do it and kind of just challenge

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each other to save for that thing. Now, once you

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save for, it's something that will contribute

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to your relationship. So if it's a future date

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or if it's a holiday, or if it's a vacation,

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it's going to allow you all to spend more time together. And

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so that is your reward, right? So to help

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you out with this challenge, I will link to a savings

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challenge that I have put on in the past that can help you

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out. So you can either save $1,225

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or $5,050. And even if you're single and listening,

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definitely go check that out because it does work and it's really easy

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to follow. I will make sure that I put that link in the show

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notes. Now, another thing that you can do is just

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think about some budget friendly date ideas. So maybe have a home

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cooked meal, just the two of you. Do some DIY

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gifts. I'll be honest with you. The DIY gifts

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that I get, like, from my kids and other

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people in my life, they are way more

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meaningful than all this extra stuff that I have sitting around the house.

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So think about something that your partner loves,

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enjoys, and see if you can diY. I

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think just the thought that would go into that would really be

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touching. And then maybe you can do some outdoor activities like

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hiking together or just going out for a walk in

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the park. There are so many different things that you can do for free or

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low cost for your date night. So definitely think about

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that. So that wraps up our special

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Valentine's Day edition of the Money Talk with TIFF

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podcast. So just to reiterate,

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make sure you have open communication, mutual agreement

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on expenses, joint financial planning, all

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for a harmonious relationship so that way

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you don't end up in a situation where money

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makes you break up. Now I invite you to share

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your experiences and tips on money management and

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relationships. I would love to hear from you. You can do so

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at ww moneytalquat.com forward slash

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Tiffany. Also, you can send in questions or

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topics for future episodes. I'd love to hear from you what is on your

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mind when it comes to money, business or career, and I will

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absolutely make a podcast episode for it. So thank you so

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much for listening. Make sure you rate, review and subscribe

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and I'll see you next week. Next Tuesday I plan on going

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over 32 ways to make progress in your

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life, so that one's going to be a little lengthy, but I

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promise it will be good because I'm going to give you some tips and

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tricks that I use on a regular

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basis. So definitely check that episode out next Tuesday

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and then also check out the interview on Thursday. Every Thursday

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I do an interview episode where I interview someone else so that

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way you can hear about their money story. So until next time, I

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hope you have a wonderful Valentine's Day and I will see you next week.

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Bye. Thank you for listening, joining and

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being a part of the Money Talk with TIFF podcast this week. You can check

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TiFf out every Thursday for a new Money Talk podcast, but if you

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just can't wait until next week, you can listen to previous podcast

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episodes@moneytalkwitht.com

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or follow TIFF on all social media platforms at

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moneytalkwitht. Until next time, spend wise

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by spending less than you make a word to the money wise is

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always sufficient.