Reversing the title makes it different! The clerks watch the 2020 Grimm fairytale horror adaptation directed by Oz Perkins (son of Anthony Perkins) and starring Borg Queen Alice Krige, Sophia Lillis, Samuel Leaky, and Jessica De Gouw.

Also, Frank saw Jurassic World Dominion, Orphan Black and Parks and Rec are connected, and Scott watched tons of trailers.

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Gretel & Hansel

Frank: blockbuster, Hollywood, and the independent

Scott: video store over. But the days of searching the shelves for hidden gems and overlook call classics is never ending. Join us while

Frank: we drown in a sea of streaming options and ask the question, what the hell

Scott: is a good movie.

Anyway, I'm Frank I'm Scott.

Frank: And where are the last video store clerks? why.

Scott: Great movie. They did it. Well, the first thing I saw when I woke up this morning was Gizmoto article, which I hate them. Their articles are misspelled. Like their headlines will be misspelled and Gretel & Hansel , but like , or they'll like, forget a letter and like, fuck you guys are doing there are fucking kidding me.

And, uh, first thing, when I woke up, they were like, it's a pile of Gretel & Hansel. Well, I don't believe it's Jurassic park, man. It's Jurassic park. Well, that's one of those things. Like I love star wars, but if you're gonna complain about a star wars movie, just go back and watch an old one, dip your toe in. They could

Frank: have really messed it up.

Scott: they didn't. Well, you're not gonna get like the dark night star wars movie. Yeah. Still gonna be like the old ones. I mean, I'm not the biggest fan of the prequels, cuz there's lots of fucking. Politics and stuff. I,

Frank: and with Jura about this whole thing with Chris Pratt, Andry STIs Howard mm-hmm of course it was tied into the original three

Scott: more, the first two

Yeah, but I remember somebody being like, it's gonna be like Dino riders and then the first Jurassic world came out and I was like, no, one's ride and fucking, I mean, sort of, you know, but not, not really. And let me tell

Frank: you, no, I can say that nobody rode dinosaurs in the third one. Nobody's riding the dinosaurs.

It brought everything together. You know, they tied it into the first series without the first series, even

Scott: knowing. Yeah. I'm excited to see it just cause I wanna see those people together. Again, lots

Frank: old faces, lots of old faces. That's all. I won't go into it. Just lots of old faces. They kept up with the throwbacks again.

Fucking Les. I didn't remember that you blinking you miss it. It's it's one of those nonstop

Frank: action. Well, okay. Not nonstop. Lots of action. You know, at first I was concerned about the CGI. Some movies are just some scenes like moon fall. Why did they have to do that much CGI and moon fall?

Scott: It, it wasn't, it was fine.

I didn't care. There's uh, the context has a lot. If you're doing stupid,

Frank: I thought for a second, they used miniatures in scenes, in moon, fall in Jurassic park, this new one, I feel like they went back to animatronic. In some scenes. Oh, that's fair. For some of the bigger ones. It just looked too like real, you know?

Yeah. I like that. I don't mind it too. I could

Yeah. They're making a new, uh, American world in London apparent. Oh, what is, is this three or? Well, they made American worldl in Paris. I know. It's not

Frank: as, yeah, I know, but it's kind of, you know, similar. Yeah, it was sort of a remake. I had no idea. I saw a preview for the new Thor movie. Oh, I can't wait. It was different than what I'd seen online.

So I was like, ah,

Scott: I can't wait for a taco TV star wars movie too. There's a lot of star wars Gretel & Hansel. I'm really interested in coming out. I'm just so far behind. I think they're making a, a Bo tan series with Katie sack off. Oh, there there's that show. And. That's a rogue one prequel. I had no idea stoked about that.

That that looks good. I still haven't caught

Frank: up on outer range. Oh Jesus Christ. I know, man. I'm slipping. Yeah. You've

Scott: falling behind. I keep watching these older. You watch, you watched the first episode of the boys though. Yeah. And we won't spoil it or anything like that. Cause

Frank: it's right in line with the first two seasons fucking bat.

Scott: Garth Ennis bad. Guys are the best off the

Frank: hinges, man. The look in his eyes sometimes. And did you notice that one scene where he turns it off?

You know what I'm talking.

Scott: Do you remember that? Oh yeah. Yeah. I know exactly what you're talking

Frank: about his face. Yeah. That was amazing. Cause I, I knew what they were gonna go for and sure enough they did, but it's the way he did it. Just the emotion. Is

Scott: he a robot? God, everybody

Frank: in that's so good. No, I miss the boys.

I'm glad. And that was a pleasant surprise. Until a couple weeks ago. I had no idea. I saw June 3rd. I said no way. Well, for

Scott: the love of God, when you, when you're done with it and you feel lost and you need some more watch fucking peacemaker, dude. so good. So

Frank: good. See, that's why I'm saving it. Yeah. That's why I haven't watched, I'm saving it for after the boys.

That's exactly what it is.

Scott: Other than that, I just finished stuff. All you finished things. Yeah. Like I, I got through stranger things, which was fucking great feat of storytelling. As far as that last episode goes,

Frank: I've heard nothing bad about season four from anybody who's watched

Scott: it. I, I really liked it.

Frank: behind. I have to watch three, right when the little one was born. Oh, that's born two weeks before it came out. So we missed it. Then we were, you know, we'll get around to it.

Never got around to it. And now for out

Scott: the first summer of the pandemic, I was like, where fuck is stranger things. everybody was always, I was like every goddamn summer.

Frank: No, they were out doing other things. Yeah. Most of them. Yeah.

Scott: most of them. Again, Mike got fucking tall and lanky. Yeah. And then they, they gave Willa, made him keep that fucking haircut and like, you see him in real life.

And you're like, you're a good looking kid now, you know, like SWA, like with the hair and yeah, like, uh, James ish, SWA and, and they're like, Nope. Bull cut for you, motherfucker. Keep it.

Frank: Yeah. I hardly even remember anybody's names from that. I, we might actually, we might have to watch one and two over again. I, the

It's insane. How much I like that show never circled back on. Did you watch Barry? Didn't watch Barry. We're caught up on Barry. It's almost over. Fuck that. Show's so good. it's so good. Bill hat. Fucking great. He writes and directs that show and he's in it. And fucking, uh, Fonzi is badass. he's funny as hell.

Fonzi you can tell he is such a nice guy , you know, in real life, cuz you can almost see it on his face when he is like being kind of a Dick. He's just a friendly chum. Huh? This hurts me to be a Dick. Arthur Fonza re . Oh, we finished. Made for love. It's great. HBO series two seasons, both seasons. I thought there were over Ray.

Romanos in it. The oh, oh, Ray girl from, uh, was it Palm Springs. Okay. The mother from how I met your mother. Mm Ray.

Frank: You know, he made so much money off of, yeah. The show.

Scott: I like Ray Romano a lot more. Did back then.

Frank: I can't think of an example of him, but when you see him in a movie or TV show and he is just the smallest part, I, I

like

Oh, he? Yeah. Cuz he'll play dirt bags sometimes and I really like it.

Frank: Yeah. Just asshole. Yeah. Yeah. He does it so good. He is just so short. I like his small parts. Yeah.

Scott: And it doesn't come off. Like, uh, when Bob Saggot used to do those, like brash Bob Saggot parts and you were like, eh, yeah, you're still like America's dad.

like. Shame poor Bob Saggot man. Speaking of which I watched nor McDonald's special as well. It. Kind of heartbreaking to watch. Yeah, he did it at a computer. Mm. I was thinking it was a special and then I went into it and it's just, he wanted to get the material out before he died. And then at the end of it, like Dave Letterman, uh, Dave Chappelle, Molly, Shannon, Adam Sandler, a couple other David spade, I think.

Is there too. Somebody else also? Oh, Kona. O'Brien they like sit around and talk about him afterwards. They just watched it too. So it's like this weird energy.

Frank: I'll probably stay. I can't bring myself to watch. The

Scott: Val Kilmer.

Scott: ah, yeah.

That's like, I, I find it really hard to watch Michael J. Fox struggle. Yeah. Bothers me. Did you watch anything good? you know, what's real funny. I like when you make that laugh, please, it always means that you watch something fucking weird. I

Frank: watched this movie. I don't know if it's called pop. Fucking never stop.

Never stopped. No Gretel & Hansel. You started sending me things in the text. And so I watched it that night. I didn't tell you, cuz I wanted to tell you right now. Oh God. So yeah, I, you know, I got refresher on pop star. Who's in it. Who's in

Scott: popstar. No,

Frank: no. You'd be surprised in the credits at the end. So many himself and herself, himself, herself, himself, herself, the whole credits are just very stacked cast of real celebrities.

um, I, we also watch just the first episode of the boys. Not much else. I, I finished up speed, which I feel like I talked about last. Yeah. yeah,

Scott: quiz hot shot. Still watching speed. Huh? Still watching speed.

Scott: watched any like of the trailers of stuff coming out?

What'd you see at the beginning at Jurassic park?

Frank: the beginning of jurasic park was store door was the biggest one, uh, trailer for Nope, of course nopes coming.

Scott: mid-July is it a new trailer or same one?

Frank: I think it was D it seemed longer. I'm not sure if it just wasn't the experience of the big ass screen and the surround sound was pumped.

I know that it's been a while, but the Gretel & Hansel was just loud. and at times during the movie, when it was just a single line with the background sound and the volume just, I felt like they had it up too loud. You know, but it was just somebody screaming, but you've got dinosaurs killing Gretel & Hansel in the background.

You couldn't make out what they, they said all the way. Cause I'd look. And she was like, I don't fucking know. And you know, we went with two other people. They were like, ah, oh, weird. I didn't hear 'em either weird. , you know, love Alamo because of everything they play before the movie, they had all the YouTube videos of, you know, they replaced the dinosaurs with cats.

Scott: Oh, yeah. I've seen that.

Frank: Yeah. So they had like a whole compilation of

Frank: haven't. It's my favorite thing. Oh man. No. Um, I watched a movie that we're gonna talk about just last night.

It was a weird week. I bounced around to some different things. I started a bunch of I'm in the old movie S. It's comfort stuff. Yeah. I

Scott: mean, I'm still watching

Frank: X files. I'm scared to venture out. Yeah. Right now I'm timid. I feel like the last couple things I've tried. I, I stopped them. So, I mean, they didn't even make it to the 20 minute rule.

Oh, 20 minute mark. Yeah, really? It's just a bunch of fails. The prey trailer.

Scott: Did you watch the whole thing? I saw the

Frank: new, yeah, man, it looks good. I'm that's August.

Scott: Isn't it? I think everything I watched a trailer for is August, August. Like Sandman comes out in. Looks really good. The Neil game comic book. So yeah, I hadn't

Frank: seen anything

Scott: on that.

Uh, it looks very Neil gamey, but that's like his, his benchmark thing. So I'm really excited. The band I was in for fucking years was named after a Sandman comic book, it was called the high cost living. It was the death comic book. which I didn't even know that that's why our drummer had picked that name.

Frank: what movie it was.

I really haven't seen her since orphan black. I saw her in one movie post orphan black.

Scott: I love orphan black. So good. So

Frank: good. You told us about. It was streaming on something, but you couldn't find the last season anywhere. So we bought the last season on Amazon.

Scott: Just, I think I did that too, just to finish it.

Yeah. Yeah. Cause we were, we had to have it at that point. Yeah. It was, it was like crack. It was so good. Especially if you binged it and that intro music always

Frank: got me

Scott: too. Do you remember? Oh yeah. It was like, uh, sort of sounded like a massive attack song. It might have been a massive attack song for a while.

Frank: Yeah, no, she was awesome. You know, and back in the, we talked about how she deserves so much more credit for doing what she did

Frank: I mean, that's a good thing.

Uh, those guys who are trying to get split taken off

Scott: these are clones. Ask me about a human cloning. No,

Frank: I mean, I'm sure that somehow they would tie it into the category. Geez. I'm pro-human

Scott: cloning.

Frank: watching interviews with her. She was always so fun. And she'd talk about how she was from Aina. Up there in

Scott: Canada.

Yeah. It's like, yeah. And she was like in parks and rec and I was like, I feel like they just like her no like two or three episodes. She's dating Tom, like near the very end of the show. No way. Yeah. Totally. No way. Yeah. Sorry to God. Are you sure promise. Okay. I mean, I'll have to fact check it when I. Mix this episode, jump and then bullet train with, uh, Brad Pitt.

Have you seen this trailer? I haven't seen the trailer. The poster did not look all that.

Frank: Cool. I've seen teasers. No Gretel & Hansel like five to 10. Second things. I have not seen a trailer for it yet.

Scott: This is like kind of a bubbly part for him. And I love it. Like I like seeing fun. Brad Pitt mine needs in new caravan pet, wiggle blue, honestly.

I like, I haven't really liked the Superman stuff, but, uh, I didn't

Frank: finish wonder woman, 84.

Scott: It was fine. I mean, wait, was it 84? There were, but I get that way. There were plot things that really pissed me off, you know, like I was like, uh you're okay with this, him stealing this guy's body. like, like, it's just fine.

And then you're gonna have like a, but I don't want you to go like moment about it. Like. He's walking around somebody else's body he needs to give that Gretel & Hansel back. Was

Scott: Yeah. I just, I couldn't, the Euro was born. You too. Me too. Yeah. You're the rat. We were born in the year of the rat.

I don't know what that means. It's a Zodiac thing. It's a Chinese Zodiac thing though. Isn't it?

Scott: Yeah. We, the year of the links is there fucking links there year of the mole rat? no, ,

Frank: you're the fucking Womba I don't know, year of the Perra dog keep 'em on their toes.

Frank: that I haven't seen

Scott: anything. You didn't watch dark.

Frank: Did. I think I started darken as one of those

things

Scott: I didn't have time for dark is the best time travel show I've ever seen. Oh, never mind.

It's a perfect time. Travel story. German. It Germans. Z Germans. Tommy. Yes. Always a little bit of incest. Just a little bit of incest.

Frank: uh, every. Everybody's always fucking with Germany, man. Like, you know, they're fine now in Germany. yeah, they're fine. Now they're fucking

Scott: kooky. Sometimes I like Germany. They're weird ass fucking weird ass. Yeah. Even their porn is weird. Oh, dig it. Any country has weird porn. They're probably pretty cool.

But then at the same time, like it's like tentacle, dicks,

Jesus. And it makes me wonder, like, if they make tentacle Dick porn, like live action, tentacle, Dick porn, are they gonna blur? They're gonna make, gonna be blurred out a fully form technical Dick and then blur it out. Special effects guys. Just woo

Frank: No. I mean, they're pretty bold in both those countries. Speaking

Scott: of accents, this movie sort of had accents only sort of though, sort of the little brother we watched, uh, GRE and Hansel. And I would call this the Robin hood prince of thieves of horror movies. really Robin hood prince of these it's because everybody like is either doing the accent a little bit or not at all, or.

They're British.

Scott: Yeah. I mean, I could name up like Highlander is another one. Yeah. It's like the accents go out the window here and there.

Frank: Or, and they do that a lot, but this one, there wasn't even Gretel. She was just like flat out. She was floating

Scott: right in and outta that.

Yeah. In the beginning, it was exactly like the first five minutes of Robin hood prince with these Kevin Costner does the accent. And someone was like, nevermind. . But then they kept that footage, even Morgan Freeman, isn't doing it all the time. in that movie. And then Christian, Slater's just awful. And then of course, Alan, Rickman's amazing cuz he's British.

Yeah. But that was the first time I ever saw Allen Rickman. So yeah, this, this was an interesting pick. This was an interesting pick. Yeah, but I like a, a fairytale horror movie. I, I dig it. I felt

Frank: as if what happened was. They lost their target audience or what was, who was their target audience? You know, I think something got mixed up.

Scott: 13 horn.

Frank: It was PG 13, but like really PG 13.

I mean, without feeling like a complete douche, I'd probably let a 10, 12 year old watch. Cause some things,

Scott: PG horror movies, polar guys are very PG, scared the fuck outta me. Oh

Frank: yeah. But they don't let kids watch Gretel & Hansel that we watched at 10. Well, some parents do, but I mean, it's, I feel like it's different now.

People are a lot more, I feel like you should

Scott: scare the Gretel & Hansel outta your children. They're more instantly offended. Now. I, I really have fond memories of the things that scared the fuck outta me. When I was a kid legend, scared the Gretel & Hansel out of me. oh my God.

Frank: No, that was one of my big things was okay. Who the fuck?

Who did they make this movie? That was one of my big questions and I

Scott: couldn't explain, it was a weird choice to make a PG 13 and like, not, I don't know. It wasn't really scary either. Let's do a summary real fast. I, I got

Frank: it. And real quick, I just wanna say there were definitely witches in these woods.

there

Frank: Yeah, there's fucking, yeah. Couple witches in this movie, so right

Scott: on some witches. So we don't really need to summarize. Summarize summarize you.

Everybody knows the grim fairytale in whatever form you got it. Be it Disney ish, or really dark fucking story about eating children. . But in this version of the story, it starts with a man who's trying to save his newborn. It's the. Obligatory backstory mm-hmm for the witch. It starts with a guy who's trying to save his newborn by trading for an unknown cost to a witch that his child can live.

Oh, was it psychic teenager? Sort of Carish but was she the main, yeah, that's. It only went one season and they canceled it. Mm. It didn't really end on a cliff hanger necessarily, but like, she didn't have a lot to her credit. No, and she's good. Yeah. This was not her best work, but,

Frank: uh, well, and well, and based on what you said though, so they like her for the scary Gretel & Hansel.

They like her for the dark things.

Scott: Yeah. She's down to do that stuff probably.

Frank: Yeah. I mean, cuz it what you were talking about and then this creepy ass pedal

Scott: enhancer. Yeah. Well, I am not okay with, this is not. Dark. Well, it's dark, but it's not, uh, it's not

Frank: over really dark. Yeah. And we can get in the, I know exactly what you're talking about.

Yeah. There's several examples in the movie of how it was

a

Scott: little bit more like spontaneous. Mm-hmm kind of, it had that kind of tone to it. Uh, and then Hansel was played by Samuel leaky. Never seen him before. Kind of a cute little chubby kid. No, he did eventually chubby. Spoiler

Frank: Oh, well maybe they didn't like people wouldn't understand because this is grelin SEL not hands and GLE. Oh, right. Well, so it's this it's very similar.

Scott: sorry. Were you gonna say this very similar to the Jeremy runner movie?

No,

Frank: uh, you know, when you switch the names like that, It's edgy.

Scott: I, I don't know if they did that just cuz they didn't want to be confused or they wanted to focus a little more that this was a GLE story. Or can you

Frank: imagine that that's some Gretel & Hansel that took place during the pitch? Yeah. We're gonna do this remake of hands and GLE.

Stop it. Stop it. G griddle and handle we can work with .

Scott: It hasn't been that long since the, uh, fucking Jeremy renter witch hunt, which I never watched. I didn't either looked too much like, uh, van Helsing you know what I mean? Which. Which God hug Jackman.

Frank: Jesus. Well, just for comparison, comparison league of extraordinary gentleman, a lot of people think that that's one of the worst

Scott: movies ever made.

Frank: take that away.

Scott: It's this? Oh, it's an enjoyable bad movie. Yes. It's an

Frank: enjoyable movie. A hundred movie. Yeah.

Scott: Van Helsing. I yeah. Weird way for Sean Conner to go out too. you know, was he really in anything

Frank: after that? I think that's the, the whole thing was, that was the, uh, like he was like, I'm basically.

Yeah. .

Scott: Because I think he was done. I'm also be racist. Yeah. Came back

Frank: for that and then was like, all right, I'm out again. Thanks for paying my taxes for the next couple years. So I can,

Scott: now I can say whatever I want. Yeah. Just ride this out.

and then most importantly, the witch in the movie was. Played by Borg queen herself. Alice CRI fucking amazing mm-hmm always amazing. She did

Frank: great. And the star Trek pointed, you know, popped out to you. Sleepwalks sleepwalks ,

Scott: which was just the Stephen King movie, not based on a Stephen King book that he wrote that movie was.

Clancy. Brown is amazing in it. . I always forget that Clancy brown is the Highlander bad guy. I need to the motorcycle jacket and

Frank: everything. I need to rewatch it, man. I have not seen that. It's really

Scott: bad. In the beginning of it, a guy does like 30 handsprings through a parking garage for no reason. Oh my God.

Frank: Yeah, I need it's on something. You talked about it so much. Then I saw it somewhere the other day. Hopefully I, I tagged

Scott: it. It's also a really great bad movie. Sean Conner has some really great bad movies under his belt. yeah. I'm all over the place today. Things keep popping into my head.

Frank: yeah. Sorry. I'll let you finish hands

Scott: on.

Frank: the place. What the fuck was said, just said was all over the place compared to what happened in the

Scott: movie.

Wait, what happened? The I'm confused.

Frank: SEL and GRE are at home with mom. Mm-hmm they go into town to try and get her work. Cuz she heard somebody, oh, they're getting mom work. The mother sent them because she had heard that that guy was looking for help. But the guy that she went to talk to in town was just creepy old man.

Who was wondering if GLE was still intact

Scott: down there? Oh, I, I did catch that. Yes. I was gonna make it in comment about it. Yeah. Greta

Frank: being young. She, she was smart enough to know bad situation. Get outta. She goes home. Mom's lost her Gretel & Hansel. She's like, well, you and her brother can't be here anymore. Get the fuck out.

Or she said something, you know, where guests, they lay down in the beds. And then the zombie guy, where did the zombie guy come from? Where did he come from? And then he chases him outside. Almost gets a little brother. She's gonna try and kill him with this rock. Then a fucking arrow comes flying through zombie guy's head.

They're rescued by a good Samaritan, but nobody ever talks about it. That was my note was like, um, Are we not gonna talk about the zombie guy? like, yeah, what the fuck are we

Scott: not gonna acknowledge him? Well, that's why, like, I was like, they were in bed. Were, are they at their house?

Frank: Oh, she did hit him. And it knocked an eyeball

Scott: out.

Oh yeah, no, it was for

Frank: sure a zombie, it was a zombie. And then this guy saves them, takes him to his house and he feeds him, lets him stay the night. And he's like, Hey. This is where you can go

Scott: find the, a fantastic actor. Yeah. Like I, I wanted him to come up again and he didn't so loose. Loose ends, zombie black hunter guy.

He had

Frank: no ter like there was nothing. Well, I mean, as

Scott: far as like grim fairy tales go, I thought he was gonna save them later.

So they're looking for, what did they call him? The woodsman, the good Samaritan. sent them. He was like, follow the river for two days. You'll you'll find what you're looking for. Yeah. Very vague.

Scott: The wood. Yeah. They're looking for a job in the

Frank: woods. Little bro. Handle

Scott: could find work as a yeah. And they got really hungry and they ate some mushrooms because they, they, they told them they were okay.

And then they tripped and I thought that was gonna factor into the story too, but it was just kind of an aside. It was a side

Frank: trip. Yeah. Handling GLE GLE. They balls out on some shrimps on a very

Scott: cartoon looking like ambo. Scary

Frank: mushrooms. They looked very animated, right? They were just, they had little

Scott: dots on 'em

Frank: and all that super red with

Scott: super white dots.

Frank: a rotating around the character scenes I could have done.

I agree with you all the way, but there were a couple of those where,

Scott: you know, it seemed higher brow filmmaking than this movie should have gotten mm-hmm yeah, I'll agree with that. But I liked it and, uh, the soundtrack was like diet Golin. You know, , it was like that, like the stranger things, music, you know, and at first I was like, what the fuck is this doing in this?

And then I, I started to kinda like it. Yeah. Build that synth in there. It was kind of all over the place, but then they find the witch and, uh, she definitely killed it from right off the, but she would deliver this Gretel & Hansel dialogue. Just with, she would give it this gravity. Yeah.

Frank: no. And they go straight from tripping shrooms to stumbling upon her house and it smells like

Scott: sweets.

Pretty much things go as you think, except it doesn't seem like she's trying to fat and GLE up. She's trying to fatten enhance up for sure. She tries to get a, be the biggest pie. She

Frank: trying fat and enhance it, but she notices that Gretel. Something's got got

Frank: She, yeah. They're she could like smell her scent, you know, she's like, oh, it's a fellow

Scott: witch.

Yeah. And I think right about that point, she has her period in the movie cause she like wakes up and is like, oh duh .

Frank: Yeah, but they noticed something's up. But right off the bat, I mean, her hands were like half black. Her fingers were

Scott: black and I was like the witch. Why are they? But I liked it because I never really explained why.

No, until the end of the movie, when it's kind of brought up again, you know, the only real other difference is, is she's clearly out to eat Hansel , you know? Yeah.

Frank: Hansel's just the filler. He, I mean,

Scott: but she seems to be encouraging GLE to become a woman and take charge of her life and be independent, more independent.

Yeah. Yep. And I kinda like that, cuz it wasn't heavy handed. No about it. So let

Frank: me, what did you think about, we mentioned the very beginning, they do the full backstory about this little girl who was, you know, uh,

Scott: that was poorly executed. The beginning part was great. Oh, when she kills the fucking horse and she like snaps its neck, that whatever they did for that special effects was really

Frank: cool.

Scott: Yeah. And then Sam, the versus neck, they left the impression that her mother died in childbirth. They did. And that was their twist later on. Lots of spoilers with this, but like, yeah, that was like the big kinda,

Frank: so towards the end end, I got confused though, because that was the most beautiful girl you'd ever seen in the pink cap.

That was the little girl who

Scott: did. Oh, who's wearing the cornucopia

Frank: on her head. Yeah. And so then she was banished to be with the Eris because people didn't like want her around anymore. Cuz well she's fucking killing people. Snapping horses next, doing weird Gretel & Hansel. Can't be in the village anymore. Obviously the most beautiful girl ever with pink cap.

So she, they show eventually she sent back with the enchant cuz that's who's in the carriage with her. So she goes off to the woods. The girl in the pink cap goes with the

Frank: that's what fucking, what

Scott: the fuck. And so the witch in the woods ate her other children to get this power.

And then she turns into this super hot goth chick with like goth tattoos. Oh. And

Frank: did you see, like, so that's an Australian actress who played that part? Uh, I've seen her in some other things. She's got a lot of credits, but no, she, I mean, she looked great for like the, you know, the younger, like goth witch, you know, she didn't really

Scott: have any lines was the end of the movie.

She had some lines, but so then you find out that it's not all that long ago and that she's actually like young and pretty, and she's disguising herself as an old lady,

Frank: but then that old lady turns out to be the mom at the same time. So, I mean, did the Ench, the daughter and the mom all turn into the same being, is that what it was trying to tell us?

I don't know, but because by the time it dropped a bombshell that, oh, the witch in the fucking house, fattening enough hands will trying to fucking recruit GLE is the mom of the, but

Scott: let me be very clear. None of this nonsense. Ruined the movie. No,

Frank: not at all. I know that. Yeah. It sounds like we're digging

Scott: at it.

Frank: it. Yeah. Whatsoever. I just, I got confused. With that part and the story.

And normally I'm really good at dissecting that, or even seeing things coming. Yeah, this, I mean, okay. That was the possibility, but then it was like, okay, that's her mom? Well, where's the eant where's the girl in the pink cap. Yeah. Is the girl in the pink cap? The goth chick

Scott: who's. The writing was sloppy.

This was written by a guy named Rob Hayes who has very few writing credits mm-hmm to his name, but, and that not even a deal breaker for me, as far as like the story was still intact and took me on a pretty good journey of a story I already knew. So I was okay with that. And then the. Director is Oz Perkins.

Who's Anthony Perkins son, Anthony Perkins from psycho. Oh, okay. Yeah. Oz Perkins. And then both of his kids are actors too. Apparently like child actors. No Gretel & Hansel. We're watching

Scott: the same thing, Oz.

Good. That's good Perkins, maybe something like that. I thought that was weird that Anthony Perkin's son directed this and he did a good, great job. He also directed, uh, I'm the pretty thing that lives in the house. Didn't see that. I think that's the name of it. It was a Netflix original movie. It was pretty good.

Oh, not that old. No, not that old at all. Okay.

Frank: Yeah. Yep. Didn't watch it, but I've, I, I recognize

Scott: the cover. I thought, yeah, Netflix has been hit or miss with their horror movies, but uh, that one was, I really enjoyed that one things seen and heard with Amanda. Seari don't fucking watch that movie. No. Don't Ugh.

You watched that too. Oh yeah. I don't even think I told you about it cuz I was so like, I guess I didn't tell

Frank: you. I watched it too. Yeah. Yeah. What I like to give her a chance, you know,

Scott: I like her a lot. Yeah. But fuck man, that was not a good movie. No, that, that was really lazy

Frank: writing. yeah. And this grelin Hansel.

I really liked it, but that aha shock moment, you know, at the end where it's like, oh, that's I, it fucking threw me off cuz I'm like,

Frank: yeah. I mean, This is obviously the witch in the house. She's obviously witch she's conjuring up food.

She makes potions. Yeah.

Scott: She builds houses and sheds that are remarkably designed for the time period. That shed

Frank: was like very modern. I liked it. I wore one very

Scott: masculine, very black. Black.

Frank: Yeah. This was like a black wood. She Ebony shed. Yeah. Very modern. I, I don't know all my art. Um,

Scott: yeah. Like the shingles and stuff like that.

I mean, she could move wood around with her mind. So just out there in the woods playing with designs. Yeah. And man, she owned a lot of axes. shed all those blades. Yeah. Shed full of cutting. I blades. I didn't see anything in that shed, but blades kinda spook. But there wasn't a lot of like, ah, like scary Gretel & Hansel in this movie.

No, not a ton.

Scott: when the, the witch goes and gets that like fat arm and puts it on the, because she's like turning Vira into six quar meals, the food transformation.

Frank: I liked that

Scott: scene. Me too. Kelly watched this one with me too. And she like laughed when Ooz came out of the wall and then she walked out of it. Kelly popped out her case. Yeah. And then it turned into her dress. And I was like, I kind of liked it. Yeah. I thought it was cool, but some of the fucking lines in this, oh, the abundance, when they figure out where's all this food coming from.

Yes. Abundance. That's a weird thing to say.

Frank: Well, cuz she explains to 'em what abundance is and it's yeah, they should have seen it coming, but then there's the. The change in attitude where then he's concerned and she's learning that she's a witch and she's like, no, there's lots to learn here. She has much, you know, a lot to teach.

So then she's changed her mind when he's kind of ready to go see who sucks him into the woods was the younger,

It lost me cuz I liked it, you know, but it could have just left all that Gretel & Hansel. It would've been fine. Could have started with the back story and then just never fucking explained it. And I would've been like cool. You know, but also the voiceover was fucking horrendous. It's fine. If you start a movie with a voiceover from the main character, and then even if you end with a little voiceover from the main character, all fine.

If you bring it up in the middle of the movie to explain what's happening and your story's still kind of confusing fucking dog Gretel & Hansel. Like there were very few really good voiceovers in movies. Blade runners, original cut was terrible, terrible voiceover, especially paired with the music in that movie. and I love blade runner, but that fucking theatrical cut is dog Gretel & Hansel and, uh, fight club.

It didn't help me. I still was a little confused

Frank: and it was mainly her voice throughout the movie. Right.

Scott: Because I mean, it was, yeah, it was like her backstory kinda her thoughts and, and that's when I, no, and I did like

Frank: realized I wish they wouldn't have confused me with. Plot twist that twisted too much or not enough,

Scott: or went, it was too much twist for sure.

You established it at the beginning, they strangled the twist. It was fine. As far as like storytelling things goes, I even like see here, I tried to reason it out. Oh, I, I built a story circle on the white board by my desk. And I was like, what do I need to include in this summary? How do I explain.

Backstory twist thing. And, uh, I can't,

Frank: you know, one of the lines I did like was, you know, she was like, yeah, we're trying to get to the woodsman or the Highlanders or whatever they were called. The mom witch was like, find his keepers. I hadn't heard finders keepers in so long. And I was like, that's awesome.

Frank: No. And I mean, that's almost like the

Scott: special, sorry. My allergies are terrible today. It really ties in special

Frank: out with the old end,

Scott: with the new that sort of, I'm gonna do it better.

And then like, she gets the black fingers thing. That's a nice touch. The, the children coming back was

Frank: stupid. Well, I think they were always there. Just that you were supposed to feel like they felt more comfortable, like they were free.

Scott: Where were they? Ghosts. Cuz they vanished, walked into the woods and then faded out.

Yeah, those were all the victims. Yeah, that's what I put. So they were like, you know, end of nose, Ferra, Christmas ornament. Yeah. They were

Frank: all hiding, trapped in the woods, you know, lost souls, unfinished business, their kids. And then when Gretel takes over the position, they were like, oh, We can kind of come.

Oh,

Scott: good. Witch is HAA.

Frank: Yeah. Now we can Folick in the woods as spirits. That's

Scott: what I felt. That's fine. Yeah. I don't think it even needed that though. If they had just ended with, uh, black fingers. Uh, oh, I would I had very

Scott: I liked the, uh, the very complicated cage cooking the child thing and the way she kills the witch with the stick.

Frank: Yeah, that was intense at the end. I like

Scott: that. Yeah. And it was also really simple. Mm-hmm , you know, it wasn't overly grotesque it wasn't she

Frank: just burned her. Remember let the right one in like that final sequence. Oh, in the pool, in the pool. Oh, so good. So it wasn't that good to me, but

Scott: you know, I, I like that, like, uh, like that's, what's so great about the original alien.

This is so simple. Just don't show us the alien. Not the whole thing. Just a little bit flashes face in the head. Yeah. And that was like a really simple climax scene. I liked it a lot. I liked the weird little door. I love little doors and houses. Yeah. Little doors. Yeah. If I ever design a house I'd like to watch, uh, I think he has another movie, another horror movie as well.

I'd be interested in seeing that, just to

You know, I

Scott: like a fairytale horror movie. What other fairytale, horror movies stick out in your mind, really? You know, uh, Sigourney Weaver, snow white. That one's the one that really stuck with me. I never saw that. It's not amazing, but it was, uh, it was creepy. It was a creepy fucking movie. I never saw that.

She's the, she's the witch and she's the stepmother in snow white. And then the daughter was, she was in Dawson's Creek. She was the one that like, uh, oh Gretel & Hansel. Oh God. I can't remember what her name was. I didn't watch Dawson's Creek Michelle Williams. Not, not Michelle Williams. Not Andy. I remember that girl's name.

Uh, she was another girl who was in Dawsons Creek. Oh fuck. I think she was. Pacey love interest or some Gretel & Hansel. Mm. I don't even remember. I fell off that in high, in high school. I started smoking weed and I was like, fuck this, I'll watching the WB

Frank: Yeah, no, he's all about. And how many cameos did he make in movies crawling in through a window because of Dustin's Creek? Wasn't it? The first scary movie was like the first one I've seen. I feel like he's done it in more than one movie where they Pardy it, you know?

I think so. Yeah.

Scott: He has a, he has a really good sense of humor about it. I like it. He's been doing H HEB commercials here in Texas. Have you seen those? Fuck?

Frank: No. Yeah. Is he? Yeah.

Scott: yeah. Yeah. Cause he's from

Frank: here.

Scott: James VanDerBeek he's not from Austin. He's from the Midland or something. Well, I, we

Frank: saw him in ELGAN when they were filming varsity blues.

Yeah. We saw my sister, um, she ran and jumped on him on main street in ELGAN. She ran and jumped on him. She ran and jumped on him. Did he hug her? So from what I, he didn't like fight it. Oh, right on. I mean, it was a hug. Yeah. It was, it was, he, it was acceptable. Yeah. And then

Scott: he got covered. And then you, oh, oh, that was a different time.

Frank: Cyclops.

Scott: I love disturbing behavior. When was the last time you saw that?

Frank: I, it was on something a while back and it was in my list. It was in the list for so long. It went off that service. So I haven't

Scott: seen it since I think it's either on Showtime or HBO right now. One of the two. No,

Frank: that's a, oh, and it has our boy that we were just

Scott: talking about in it.

Nick stall. Yeah. Yeah. Nick stalls the, yeah. Yeah. Also, uh, William sad. Yeah. He's like the janitor in the boiler room. You like Kurt V again.

and that is a dead on fucking impression of that character.

Scott: Jan role for rat. I really like that. I like a huge crush on Katie Holmes when I was like 14 years old. And in the trailer for that movie, there's like a sex scene with her happening in the trailer.

Mm-hmm not in the movie and my 14 year old SELT, just crumpled

and

Frank: was. Well, I feel like that's a movie that a bunch of us went to go see like the summer before freshman

Scott: year. Yeah. I, it came out that, that summer, yeah. Before

Frank: high school. So like we all went to go see that right before high school started.

It was

Scott: great. Yeah. But I like this movie. I liked it too. I'm into

Frank: it. It's a good movie. And I mean, if you can figure out what it's all about, let us

Scott: know. Yeah. It's worth a watch. Yeah. As far as the PG 13 horror movies go, uh, and I, wasn't not scary. I'm still, I'm looking for something to scare me again. No jump scares something.

Well, even like anything it's, it's getting really hard to fucking scare me lately. And it's a bummer I get in these slumps. I read so much horror mm-hmm and it's like Adam Neville, the guy who were at the ritual and, uh, No one gets out a lot. The dudes in the woods.

Frank: Oh, well the movie was the dudes in the woods.

Yeah. Well, I guess the book was, the

You know, which the filmmaker should have gone with that. The black metal kids were great. Like that, that sounds cool. Yeah. Cuz it was like mayhem was in the woods trying to summon an elder God and they were kind of dumb, you know, and he really got that whole black metal thing and that fucking book and the movie scared the Gretel & Hansel outta me.

Like a little bit at the end when you show me the monster, I'm always gonna be a little disappointed. Yeah. Like I would much rather you not show me the monster so I can keep the fear, but my, I really like Adam Neville scares the fuck outta me. He's one of those guys I'll read one of his books and if.

And the book is, uh, or the movie takes place in the states instead of England and all that LA, and then he wrote a book called last days. It also scared the Gretel & Hansel outta me. I'd really like them to make a show or a movie out of that one, because it's a cult. , you know how I feel about that? It's a cult.

Called freaks me out, man. But uh, finding a movie to scare me is getting fucking kind of

Frank: difficult. Like, well, you were telling me about this found footage documentary. You have only on VHS.

Scott: Yes. It's called the WBO incident. I know. And you can't find it anywhere else. I've never seen it anywhere else.

Seeing that freaks me out. Where the

Frank: fuck did you get this VHS

Scott: from? Uh, from the, the movie store. But

Frank: have you haven't seen another copy

Cuz I thought I was watching an alien documentary.

Frank: You came up on some VHS version of it

Scott: follows. I still have VHS copies of ring you and uh, ring two and uh, God

Frank: ring. I don't think I have anything scary on VH.

Scott: Those ones. I felt like they deserved cuz they're also bootlegged mm-hmm , you know, I put two VCRs together and there's something kind of poetic about 'em so, and they're in like plastic clear.

Do you have video

Frank: use the tracking buttons? To make it work

Scott: sometimes. I mean, I have the last VCR that was ever made when they put out that thing. They were, oh, combo. Yeah. I got the last, what they call

Frank: content. You don't want a slave system.

Scott: I mean, that was all you could get.

Frank: Do you remember the guys at the stores though?

There was like this whole thing for a while there, when you went into like, they were like, you don't want the slave system, you just wanna get separate unless you're trying

Scott: to oh yeah. And they try to talk you out. I thought it was really, really combo and stuff.

Frank: Yeah. I just thought it was like. The phrase was like slave system.

I was like, what is this is, I mean, is it gonna find,

Frank: not big on adjusting the tracking on some of those, you know,

Scott: I mean, I remember when you had to do it

Frank: a lot, you would have to on some of 'em.

Yeah. And it's like, you knew which ones you had to do it at least once. And it would be fine the rest of the movie, but at some point every now and then

Scott: you'd watch a movie that had that fucked up thing at the bottom. Yes. You know, the whole movie mm-hmm and, uh, Sometimes I'll watch like a YouTube video that's like of a tape , you know, and I'll be like, whoa, I watched the George Carlin documentary this week too.

I didn't mention that. Damn. Yeah. Oh, it's fucking great. It's Jud AAU people have told

Frank: me I've heard nothing but good things. It's

Scott: really good. Real dark, uh, such a dark man.

Frank: I'd started the new candy man. I've got 30 minutes left.

Scott: You and you're watching movies and shifts. It's frustrating. I sure it is candy.

Oh, the new Candyman. Yeah. It's not all that much different than the old one though.

Frank: It's it feels more frustrating

Frank: long? Mm-hmm it's just very frustrating. There was

Scott: a certain kind of movie then, you know, horror movie mm-hmm that was coming out at that time.

And I felt like the new one felt in the spirit of the original Candyman movie. Yeah. And it's a direct sequel. So I. Oh, I like, I liked all the little cartoons. Yeah, it was cool. I it's, I like it. Like the shadow box cartoons. So next time, what, what the fuck was the movie called? Oh, I think we're alone now.

We're next time. We're gonna watch a Tiffany video. get on your mall tour with Peter dage an

Frank: L fanning but yeah. Do you think they're gonna have that song in the movie? Uh, I hope. I know. I mean, it would ruin it, but I mean, there's just a connection.

Scott: Was that Tiffany? Or was it Debbie Gibson?

Frank: Tiffany Tiffany here.

Yeah. I'm I'm like, yeah, that was Tiffany. Um, cuz I think, yeah, she, anyway, I'm not gonna get into the Tiffany document. I watched at 1.0,

Scott: you watched

Yeah. Rick Asley and

Scott: Gretel & Hansel. Yeah. .

Frank: Never gonna give you up.

Scott: fucking, but yeah, I think we're alone now. You, this was, uh, this looked like, uh, the kind of movie I was looking for. Yeah. I mean, but is also 50 50 reviews. I could go either way.

Frank: Yeah. By the way, uh, grelin SEL on IMDB was a 5.4.

Scott: I'd say that's probably what I would.

Nah, maybe a little higher six. I'd give it a

Frank: solid six. Yeah. Uh, you know, the biggest negative, the biggest negative was just that

Scott: it's clunky. It was a really well made movie though. That fucking twist

Frank: though, man. Why did it have to fuck it for me? I don't

Scott: need twists all the time. You know, what it did recommend to me afterwards was the visit and Kelly has not seen it.

So I'm, I'm be making her, watch the visit with the grandparents. Yeah. The night Shalon movie, the found footage night Shalon movie. I'm

And you can find Scott@dispatchesfromthepit.com.