Dr Demartini explains why you seek or avoid others on the outside when they remind you of, or represent unconscious parts of you that you pridefully like or shamefully dislike on the inside.

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You only judge people on the outside for parts on the inside of you that you

haven't balanced and loved.

The topic today is on a bit of a,

I guess you could say an edgy topic, called racism,

which involves discrimination and prejudice and many other subtopics there.

And so I'd like to just go off on a bit of a rabbit hole here,

go down a rabbit hole and just elaborate on this and put it into a different

context. So if you have something to write with and write on,

you may be interested in taking some notes. Every human being,

regardless of what their background is, their gender spectrum,

their culture, et cetera, their age,

lives moment by moment by a set of priorities, set of values,

things that are most to least important in their life.

And that is called the hierarchy of their values.

Now this is evolving and changing, but at any moment,

they have a set of values that they're living their life by.

And every perception, decision and action they take is based on it.

That's why you probably have noticed that whenever I do seminars I mentioned

values because it's the foundation of human behavior,

the drive of human behavior. Now what's interesting is,

anytime we run across another individual, run into them,

and have them communicate or do something that we perceive as

supporting of our values or challenging of our values,

we tend to open up to them or close down to them.

And what we found in the study of values is whenever we see more

similarities to somebody than differences, we tend to open up.

That's how you gain rapport with people if you're communicating,

finding common threads, and if you have more differences than similarities,

you tend to close down.

So when you infatuate with somebody and admire somebody,

if you look very carefully and they list the things they admire about 'em,

they'll find things that are more similar to them than different.

And when they're resenting them,

they'll have more differences than similarities.

And this has been demonstrated over and over again in the presentation I do

called the Breakthrough Experience, which I've done for many, many decades.

And what's interesting is now, whenever we are supported,

we tend to call that the in-group. And whenever we are challenged,

we tend to call that the out-group,

we tend to seek and we wanna be attracted and open up to 'em or repel and

wanna avoid them and you know, get away you might say.

One is an impulse towards, one is an instinct away. One is seeking.

One is avoiding. One's attraction, one's repulsion.

And when we are similar,

we tend to have a tendency in our brain, in our amygdala,

our subcortical area of our amygdala, even though it's in the telencephalon,

we tend to have a desire for them versus a desire away from them,

and we have a subjective bias that we tend to accentuate to

create an attraction and adrenaline to get closer to them,

just like if we infatuate, we got to be with them.

And when we are subjectively biased in a way that sees differences we want to

get away from them. And we do that as a protective mechanism,

a survival mechanism to get food, prey, and to avoid predator,

because anything that supports our values represents prey in our brain,

anything that challenges our values represents predator in our brain.

And so we go into a subjective bias, a survival response,

to make sure we don't starve and make sure we don't get eaten.

And so anytime somebody accelerates

either one of those sides,

by doing things that support our values in our perception or challenge our

values, we tend to have this polarization.

This subjective bias tends to accelerate and accentuate and

subjectively bias and opinionate us and increases our prejudice.

And so our amygdala in our brain is sort of our prejudice center.

And so anything that supports it, we tend to be prejudice towards, the in-group.

And we tend to, you know, it's almost like if you're in a political arena,

for instance, and you're on one side or the other of this spectrum,

left or right, you might say, you tend to think, well,

our group is the right group and the other group is the wrong group,

and we tend to moralize this and polarize our perceptions and subjectively

bias our perceptions because of this. And we end up having prejudice.

Now prejudice many times is associated with discriminating against,

but actually prejudice can be towards. You can be prejudice and think, well,

anybody that's similar to me, I'm gonna give more favor to,

and anybody that's different, not.

Even parents when they're raising children may have, you might say,

the individual child that is a little bit more easy to get along with versus the

one that's difficult, ones that's more obedient versus defiant,

and one that supports and challenges and we tend to favor it,

and we don't like to admit this,

but we sometimes have fluctuating favoritisms going on in our own family,

dealing with own children based on when it supports and challenges our

individual values.

So there's no human being that doesn't have this kind of prejudice and this bias

and this subjective bias state.

We tend to see things that support our values with confirmation biases on the

positive side, and disconfirmation bias on the negative.

And when we see things that challenge our values,

we have a confirmation bias on the negative and a disconfirmation bias on the

positive.

A false positive on the positives when we're admiring them and a false positive

on the negatives when we're despising them.

We're seeing things that aren't there.

And we're not seeing things that are there. And we bias this.

Now this could be anything that supports or challenges us,

we could be doing this with. So let me give you some samples of this.

This could be political,

anybody that's similar to us in political views we can be a bias towards,

anybody that goes against us in political views we can be biased against.

So we can have a mechanism of a bias and a prejudice discrimination

based on that topic. And believe it or not, under the topic of racism,

part of race could be many variables.

A lot of the issues that we hear about racism isn't about anybody different,

cuz we're all homosapiens, we're all the human being that's a homosapien.

Anytime we can procreate with somebody it's the same species.

So it's not really about anything other than these other discrimination factors

that we have. So it could be political.

You could actually associate combinations of variables that can

make a discrimination, a prejudice that could be classified,

subclassified sort of as racism and not even about a particular

culture or color or anything like that. Color could be one,

culture could be another, political affiliation could be another,

sex could be another one,

or the spectrum of where they are in the sex if it supports or challenges your

views, it could be gender, the way you're demonstrating your,

not just sexuality, your sexual preferences,

but your gender preferences could be part of that.

You could actually have belief systems,

they believe that money's good and you agree with them and verse money's

bad or something. It could be values, individual values,

people that have similar values get along easier and people have different

values may not. It could be social classes,

where you are in the socioeconomic position, the way you dress,

what you drive, anything

that's similar or different can create these amygdala responses and have a

subjective bias and we can be discriminative and we can be prejudice

and we can now classify these people and we create the same biological response,

and we could actually create something we would die for on the people that

support us,

or we would demonstrate almost a genocide or a killing on something that goes

against us. It could be taken to those extremes in some cases,

because of its supportive or challenging of our values.

We could have people that are in different social classes, in other words,

we could have disabilities.

I saw a gentleman just yesterday that I was interested in wanting to go talk to

that I happened to be driving by, but when I came back on the drive,

I actually wanted to get out and actually have a chat with him,

but he had a physical deformities and he was sitting out and waving to everybody

as people going by. And I thought what an amazing situation,

but I could see that many people would probably be awkward interacting with him

because of the physical deformity he has, but he was extremely friendly.

So he's doing one thing that's supporting and another thing that might be

challenging to a value system, counterbalancing it,

so there's a heart that opens.

It's been shown that whenever there's a balance of support and challenge,

in our perception, it tends to open our heart and be grateful.

Maximum growth and development occurs at the border of support and challenge.

But when we see more support than challenge or more challenge than support,

we tend to be prejudiced and biased and create these opinions of people that are

usually distortions, exaggerations. We're not seeing both sides.

In fact, if you look carefully,

every human being has got another side and every trait that we can ever judge in

somebody also has another side.

I've been teaching the Breakthrough Experience program,

which is my signature program for 3 decades and two,

three years now,

and I've seen people come in with these prejudice and these challenges

and these racial issues and discriminations, and

Because what we've done is we've taken those nitpicky things that they're

judging, those little bitty components, and sometimes it's more than one,

and we are neutralizing 'em by having reflective awareness and owning it because

the reality is that we only judge things on the outside that represent parts of

us that we're judging on the inside, but we're unconscious of it.

We're too proud or too humble to admit we have what we see in other people in

our form. And then we think ours is better or worse.

And our amygdala tends to wanna make us proud and project our evaluations onto

people and assume that's reality and a generalization is born.

A lot of discriminations are just generalizations that are not even facts.

They're preconceptions of what people are because of these associations we've

made in our brain. Our subconscious mind stores all previous experiences.

So if we've met an individual, that's a woman, that's blonde or whatever,

and we had this experience,

we'll stack that in our subconscious mind and now we'll be on the lookout in

case we see another blonde or with those behaviors,

and then we can then judge accordingly. And these are accumulated in there.

They're not facts about people. They're just opinions about people.

But we could also have disability as a factor,

the discriminate between capacity. You know, we now have the special Olympics,

right? Where all of a sudden people that have challenged capacities

physically have gone and excelled and done some extraordinary capacities.

I had a lovely, amazing woman in my program, the Breakthrough Experience,

who was a gold medalist in a particular field and she was in a

wheelchair and she's done amazing things. So that was once a discrimination,

now it's been neutralized because people are now realizing, wow,

they've done an extraordinary thing,

but that could be a source of discrimination, disability.

It could also be your own sexuality, not just your sexual behavior,

but your sexuality as you're perceived, your gender positioning as I've said.

You could actually have where you actually come from part of the world,

it could be a location geographically. They could do it.

You come from that geography.

There's presuppositions that people have from past experiences and these past

experiences may not be our own experience, it may be the mother's, father's,

preachers, teachers, conventions, traditions,

or mores of our particular culture versus a different culture.

And somebody from the past may have had a bias about something and we're now

taking it on and inculcating it into our experience without even having to have

an experience.

And I found that that can be carried down just from that, ethnicity.

We could have language.

I notice that when somebody is speaking the same language,

you tend to be open up to 'em, when they speak a different language,

you tend to close down, you feel more proximal or distal from that. That's not,

unless you know it. Now, when you know a language,

I love when I go in and I have, I was in Houston,

I had a Japanese airline come in with a whole crew and

I said 'arigato' to all the to the people that I saw and

they all smiled and they 'arigato' and everything else, because I knew one word,

I warmed up a communication that otherwise I would have probably a distance

from. So it could be language. It could be nationality as I said, or geography.

It can be complexion, you could have rough skin, smooth skin, frizzy hair,

dark hair, smooth skin, smooth hair,

there's different complexions that could happen. Beauty. I know I've fallen,

without a doubt I've fallen to that.

I've seen myself interact with people sometimes that are attractive in my

ideas, somebody else may not see them as attractive,

but they could be at attractive in my ideas,

they meet my search image and I notice that I'm a little bit more open to them

than somebody that doesn't match my search image. So I can see that I have that.

I don't think anybody escapes these prejudices or these sort of racial

behaviors.

That's why I don't think it's wise to point our finger at somebody else about

race.

I think it's wise to take a look at ourselves and

variables that we're dealing with as a human behavior. And we don't wanna,

you know, judge somebody else, because if we wanna look at our own,

point the finger at ourselves, pluck the mote outta your own eye,

before you pluck it outta somebody else's, as the old biblical statement said.

But it could be beauty. It could be height. ,

I've seen people that are very short or very tall,

and I've seen them being discriminated and opinionated,

'oh you could never do that because you're too short.' I had a woman that became

a very beautiful supermodel but she wasn't as tall as the other ones,

but she had to flare and a magnetism that counterbalanced it, so,

there were two different variables that people were judging by,

but we can be judging people by height. We could judge people by occupation.

I've watched that happen one time when I walked into a restaurant in Chicago,

I had just come in from doing a seminar, it was about midnight.

And the only place we could find to eat was this little taco place,

we went in there and there was some quote blue collar versus

white collar.

And I watched people all of a sudden when some white collar people sat next to

some blue collar people, the blue collar people that were talking, quieted down.

And I watched that behavior because they,

and it didn't start until they saw the white collar.

So you're gonna have discrimination against social positioning in business,

that could be a factor. And what's interesting is,

they could be very friendly in other areas.

Some of these other areas that might be discriminitive might not even be a

factor, might get along and have great friendships, cuz they both like soccer.

And that could be another one, sports. I have seen people that go,

I don't believe in that sport, that's crazy sport.

They could have discrimination on sports. It could be on levels of education.

It could be on criminality. 'Oh I was in prison.' 'Oh,

well I don't want to ever talk to you because you were in prison.' But yet I've

met some people in prison that went out and did something extraordinary with

their life and did philanthropic things and built businesses that were

extraordinary. So we sometimes have discrimination on

It could be sport team affiliation.

I saw people fighting over a baseball game because of somebody said something

about derogatory, about the baseball players and that team and that city.

It could also be music taste.

I've seen people that can condemn people that do rock and roll and then other

people that condemn classic, that could be a discriminate factors.

Then you could also have character, physical character traits,

just physical traits, big nose, buck teeth,

small bottoms, big bottoms, big breasts.

I've seen men have biases and discrimination and almost attractions or

repulsions on body size and proportions.

I don't think anybody escapes some of these things.

And various behaviors and mannerisms,

accent of language can be a part of it. Now,

if you take all of these different variations, and I've just mentioned a few,

there's a way,

there's probably thousands of different things that we could be discriminating

between people, and these sometimes are compounded.

You may find that 8 or 10 of those are things that challenge your values and you

now discriminated against somebody,

and it's because of not because of what is being classified as

it, color based possibly, that may be, you may, I had a gentleman who was,

had a darker melanin pigment and was one of the most intelligent individuals I

met, had a grand business, massive business,

was contributing philanthropically and everything else.

And I was sitting there I was looking up to this guy. I was going,

what an amazing man this is.

And I was looking at a whole lot of criteria and it was,

and it didn't matter what pigment levels they had.

It was just an astonishing, brilliant individual. I was fascinated by this man.

So you can actually have some things that you're discriminating for under one

person, and then a completely different set in another,

because these over here are counterbalancing those over here.

So the very net of all the things that you admire or despise or like or dislike,

or look up to or down on, or attract or repel,

that support or challenge your value system,

is gonna lead you to react with a prejudice towards or prejudice

away. Or if you balance them and completely balance that equation,

just open your heart to them.

Because it's been shown that when you have a balanced equation,

open heart occurs.

I've been teaching the Breakthrough Experience my signature program for many

years now, as I said, and I do in there a Demartini Method.

It's the method I do to be able to ask a series of questions.

I'd like to go through those questions to show how it could be helpful in this

particular topic. You take a trait. You ask this question;

what specific trait,

action or inaction do you perceive this individual displaying or demonstrating

that you admire most, that's an impulse towards, or despise most,

an impulse way, that you're discriminating and you're prejudice on,

but you may not call it racial, but it is a form of racism in a sense,

but it's just a different criteria that's adding up.

And you write that down and what that is.

Then you ask this question to yourself; go to a moment self,

where and when I perceive myself displaying or

trait, action or inaction. And you identify where it was, when it was,

who it was demonstrated in front of and who perceived it, or too.

And then you stack that up and you keep looking until you see it's

quantitatively and qualitative equal to what you see in them. At first,

you're gonna go, 'no,

I don't do that' because you're too proud or too humble to admit what you see in

others inside you.

But if you actually look and hold yourself accountable to balance the equation,

which I've done over a hundred thousand people,

I assure you that you only judge people on the outside for parts on the

inside of you that you haven't balanced and loved.

And that's really realization.

So really all the people out there that we have these discriminations of seeking

and avoiding to, are really our teachers,

they're there to try to teach us how to love the parts of us we haven't owned

and loved in our lives. And I've demonstrate it in the

And if you've never been to it,

it's an amazing experience to realize that everybody out there,

nobody's worth putting on pedestals or pits,

everybody's worth putting in hearts.

And any part you don't have in the heart is a part you don't love in yourself.

When you gotta be able to own all parts of yourself, the hero, the villain,

the virtue and vice, all of it inside you if you really wanna love your life.

And any part you don't is the button you push that you're too proud or too

humble to admit, and there's your discrimination,

your prejudice for and against as a result of it.

So we go in there and identify where we do it and we find out exactly

till it's the same degree. And at first you think that's not possible,

but I've been demonstrating it for three decades, well,

33 years almost, in March it'll be 33 years.

I've been demonstrating that ownership and how proven that is to many,

many thousands of people. Then we go in there and take the trait we admire,

that we look up to and we ask, what are the downsides?

How is it a disservice to me? And we take the traits we despise and we go,

what are the upsides? And how is it a service to me?

And we level the playing field,

because no behavior is anything but neutral until our

subjective biases and our narrow mindedness label it,

because of our own subconscious wounds that we've had in the past.

Once we go in there and find the downsides of what we have up,

we calm down the infatuation and the prejudice towards.

And once we find the benefits of that we think is down, that we resent,

that's the prejudice and discrimination and avoidance, we now open up.

And then when we open up and see that we are equals to that,

we're not fearing the loss of these people or fearing the gain of these people,

which cause our autonomic response of fight or flight or rest and digest,

and we're able to love and appreciate people and have resilience and

adaptability. And we actually benefit cuz we live longer with that.

Our immune system is enhanced.

The pro and anti inflammatory systems are balanced.

The heart rate variability in our body is expanded and we don't react.

We don't have a reaction. We get to see people objectively.

Objectivity means neutral, not polarized, not biased.

And by doing the method.

And there's a series of questions one by one that I explain in the Breakthrough

Experience on doing the method that allows to dissolve it.

I have seen people that are enraged with people,

wanting to literally almost kill them, at least that's the language,

they probably wouldn't do it, but they have a language 'I want to kill that',

they're literally enraged,

and they go and do the method and they're in tears of gratitude and put their

arms around them. I was in, literally in Dublin,

Ireland and I had the opportunity to work with the president of Ireland.

And they put together a pilot study where we took three women who had their

family members killed by the three people that killed them.

And they're in the same room, separated by a security system.

And I had 'em do the method. And there was a massive discrimination between,

in this case a various religious group from the Northern and Southern Ireland

group, and you know, the Catholics and the Protestants,

and here we have all of a sudden in clash and then when we got through,

at the end of the time we did the method, they were hugging each other.

Mind blowingly hugging,

even though this individual's the one in prison for killing that person's family

member, couldn't even comprehend that. And it was,

it transcended prejudice, it transcended discrimination,

it transcended this so-called racial construct.

And it was amazing to watch.

And the reason I'm mentioning this and talking about this topic is because that

tool is a gold mine for people who find themselves emotionally

reacting, and not wanting to be reactive,

but finding themselves reactive because they've got subconsciously stored wounds

or fantasies and nightmares sitting in their minds because of associations

of support and challenge in their values over time.

And if you don't have your own governance to be able to do that,

you will react probably. And we don't wanna admit it,

but we actually have these emotional reactions and these discriminations and

prejudices and racial concerns,

because I really believe that racism is not just about color or

nationality or whatever, it's any of those variables.

We can get the same behaviors that we've classified

that because of all these variables. Intelligent levels and what we dress,

I've seen people the way they dress,

I've seen people with tattoos and non tattoos,

I've seen people that have fake smiles and personas, oh, they're,

I've seen every imaginable type of variable,

but all of it boils down to a trait we're too proud or too humble to admit we

have. When we actually have reflective awareness,

true reflective awareness is what I call intimacy.

Intimacy is when you actually realize that everything you see in them,

you have in you, and you're not resisting it,

you're not attract or repelled from it,

you're just honoring it in both individuals.

When you can value their value system as much as your value system,

you've mastered your life. You have equanimity between, within yourself,

and equity between yourself and others,

which is the greatest place to have sustainable fair exchange.

And that's helps you. I've seen this discrimination in types of businesses.

I've seen discrimination in income levels, as I've said,

I've seen it in where you are in the, in the business, whether you're a worker,

whether you're an owner or a blue collar, white collar,

all of those have nothing to do with it. And my dad,

I have to say my dad when I was about four years old,

my dad was trying to give me an insight about this,

because he had me go out on work,

my dad owned a plumbing business and he had me go out and work with a gentleman

who was the ditch digger. And it was interesting and I said, well,

I I'd like to work with the plumber. And he says, no,

I want you to go out with the ditch digger.

And the reason he did is because he knew I would learn

something from this ditch digger,

he knew I would learn and not to put people into different categories so much.

And I went out there and I learned so much from him, because he was the most,

he was a master ditch digger. And his goal was to be able to dig a ditch,

repair a pipe and put it down and put the sods of the grass back in place

and put a water main in from the street to the house so perfectly that

the people would call and say, well, you didn't come. And he said, well,

we did come and it's all installed.

And but he wanted to make sure that it was so perfectly done,

and so masterfully done.

And he said to me when I was driving home with him back to the, well,

not my home, but to the office. And he said to me, he says, you know,

I have the greatest job in the world. And I said, how so?

Cause I'm thinking he's a ditch digger. He said, because without me people die,

I bring water, and without water we die.

And his perception brought tears to my eyes thinking about it.

Here's a guy that's not necessarily socioeconomically at the top,

but intellectually, caring, personality, love,

as far as a human being, he was an amazing human being,

and so the ratios of all those judgements and all those variables we

could imagine, if they're balanced, we get to love the individual.

And sometimes we get caught on one or two little issues and narrow our mind to

one little trivial things in life.

Instead of look at the whole picture and find the balance and own the traits we

see in others.

If you can take the hero and the villain on the outside and realize that within

yourself and level the playing field and have equity between you and other

people, the prejudice,

the racial discriminations and all those things tend to melt away.

And so I just wanted to do a special presentation on that topic.

And I hope that people will consider joining me at the Breakthrough Experience

to learn how to do this method. Cuz this method is a gold mine.

It was amazing what it can do for people.

And I've seen it help thousands of people. Because we all have it.

Every one of us here have moments of discriminations and prejudices.

And the more we're living by our highest value,

the reason I tell people to make sure you fill your day with the highest

priority actions and delegate lower priority distractions,

is because when you're living by your highest value, you're most objective,

most neutral, least judging.

Think of a day when you got something done that was amazing,

it was the highest priority things,

you really knocked it outta the ballpark on your productivity and how resilient

you were and how adaptable when you came home.

And then think of a day when you had to do low priority stuff,

you were putting fires out, you go, my God,

I didn't get what I wanted to get done and how volatile you were and how

emotional and reactive you were when you got home.

When you're in your executive center you're more objective with reason and

you're thinking before emotional reacting,

when you're in your amygdala you're more likely to emotional react before you

think, and more likely to be prejudice. So, and the same thing when it comes to,

when you're doing something that's sustainable in fair exchange,

you grow your wealth and when you have more economic systems and you have more

stability, you're also more likely to be understanding of people,

more philanthropic. So I'm a firm believer that this tool,

the Demartini Method can help people transcend these

accumulated variables that we stack up, supportive or challenging to our values,

that are in a sense, stopping us from getting to love another human being,

which is nothing but a reflection of ourselves, we're not loving in ourselves.

So if you'd love to love yourself more,

learning to do the method can help you transcend some of these things that we're

trapped in. I have without a doubt been trapped finding my prejudices and my

discriminations,

but every time I've done the method on when I've become aware of them

cognitively, they dissolve. And it gives me the freedom to now realize people.

Cuz I travel all over the world.

I've been to 163 countries in my life and I get to meet people of all different

walks of life.

And I've yet to see anybody that's not caring enough to want to go and raise a

beautiful family, try to make a difference in the world,

make a contribution in the world.

Deep inside we all want to do something that's meaningful that makes a

difference in the world, way down inside.

But when we don't know how to manage our state,

don't know how to live by priority and don't know how to neutralize some of our

things,

we can accumulate this to such a degree that we can go to these extremes that

we have seen sometimes on television and the media likes to promote.

And I'm a firm believer that anything you don't love in the people around you is

a part of the things you don't love in yourself.

Give yourself permission to love yourself. When you're living authentically,

according to your highest value,

you have the highest probability of getting to surround yourself with amazing

people that you get to love.

So I just wanted to talk about racism for a minute and the discrimination and

prejudice associated with it,

which has sometimes 50 variables that are adding up and we sometimes

confuse what we're even upset about. And we haven't really broke it down.

But if we actually go in there and neutralize 'em all,

use the Demartini Method and learn to live by priority in life,

which is why I tell people to go on my website and do the Value Determination

process and live by top priority, and learn the method,

cuz it will definitely increase the probability of you having resilience,

adaptability, and a longer life potential. So that's my presentation.

I'm glad that you were able to keep up with me. Hope you took some notes.

Hope this was stimulating in some way.

And I look forward to seeing you at our next presentation that's there to help

you do something extraordinary with your life.