Hi everyone!  Welcome to the A to Z of Sex.  I’m Dr Lori Beth and I am your host.  We are working our way through the erotic alphabet one letter at a time.  Just a reminder this podcast deals with adult content, so if you don’t have total privacy, you might want to put on your headphones. Today the letter is F  and F is for Forum

I am podcasting from the Yourtango Expert’s event and have  asked all the helping professionals here to ask me some questions about sex and sexuality.

This is a shorter podcast than usual as it was part of a workshop on Podcasting!

I threw the floor open for any questions about any topic of sex and sexuality. Everyone one was great and we ran out of time before we ran out of questions.   First question we talked about the fact that often it is more of an obsession than an addiction.  I was asked by a matchmaker what to do when a client tells you that he likes to wear women’s underwear and whether the client should tell the prospective match or the matchmaker should take this into account and secondly when to tell someone about your kinky desires.  I said that sometimes doing some pre-screening to make sure that the people you are matching with this man are at least open to alternative forms of sexuality. 

I was asked about the most common fetishes and said that transvestism is very common.  I was asked to talk about the value of outercourse instead of intercourse and spoke about how important outer course (which is sex that doesn’t involve penetration) is in so many situations particularly when there are sexual problems.

I was asked about people who are note having sex because the man is spending so much time with pornography.  I highlighted the fact that I unpick that and find out when this started.  Sometimes people use pornography because the sex in the relationship stops.   

How do you work with survivors of sexual abuse was the next question.  I started by saying the first thing is to make sure they have done their trauma work.  After that is done, then work on creating sex.   First that usually involves shame and guilt.  Fully 50% of the people I have worked with over the years who have suffered sexual trauma have a memory from that time that turns them on. And they are devastated by this.  They have a memory from something that was horrifically traumatic and they did not consent to and yet it turns them on.  When talking about childhood sexual abuse, your body responds to touch.  It does not know any better, it simply responds.  You must work through the shame and the guilt and allay their fears and then begin to create safety again. 

Couples who have been together a long time and they just stop having sex – what are your thoughts about that?  Well they usually don’t just stop having sex.  There are reasons they stop having sex.  So for example, women with low libido some advice is do it anyway because once you get started it feels good.    I need to have some idea of why they stop and for how long because it becomes a habit.  What really upsets me is that they stop touching and stop being affectionate too which has a negative effect on your physical and mental well being too.

Additional questions that didn’t make it on this podcast will be answered in future episodes.

Thanks for joining me this week for the A to Z of Sex. Write in with your questions to drloribeth@atozofsex.com and visit both websites www.atozofsex.com and www.the-intimacy-coach.com to learn about alternative sexual choices, types of sexual relationships and to learn to sizzle and create that ideal lasting intimate relationship.   For a free 30 minute session with me, head over to www.atozofsex.com and click on the button that says ‘book now’.   If you have enjoyed this podcast, please leave a review on iTunes and/or Stitcher and please subscribe! Join me next week when the letter will be G and G is for Group Sex.