Is cutting people out always the answer? In this Love Note, Rhonda dives into the boundary backlash so many are feeling—and offers a gentle, nuanced guide to holding your ground, communicating with love, and choosing whether a relationship is worth the effort to grow.

Today, let’s talk about something that so many of us are facing: cutting people off. Maybe you’re putting up boundaries for the first time, and you’re not sure what to do when someone runs right through them. Maybe you’re tired, frustrated, and it feels easier to just shut someone out than teach them how to love you differently.

I see this everywhere—not just in my own life, but in my clients and my friends too. Most of us were never taught how to stay connected when things get messy. We weren’t shown how to keep our heart open and communicate, even in the face of repeated boundary-breaking. Instead, we flip the switch—one “whoops” and you’re out.

But is that really what you want? Are there relationships worth “training”—helping someone learn how you need to be loved? And when is it time to let go for good?

If you’ve ever wondered how to draw a line in the sand with kindness—or struggled when your needs haven’t been honored—this episode will give you new language, fresh hope, and permission to practice staying connected, even when it’s hard.

What You’ll Discover

• Why cutting people off has become so common—and why it’s often a sign that we’re still learning healthy boundaries
• The real reason so many people break our boundaries (hint: they’re not thinking about us every minute of the day!)
• Why training someone to love you in a new way takes time, patience, and conscious choice
• The difference between non-negotiable boundaries (safety, abuse) and boundaries worth working through in long-term relationships
• How to decide if a friendship or family tie is worth the “training” and how to have those ongoing conversations gently
• Real-life examples of boundary requests, and what to do when they’re forgotten (again and again)
• The cost of shutting people out after one mistake and what it means for long-term trust and connection

Key Takeaway

You don’t have to cut people out to keep yourself safe—sometimes, the most loving choice is helping someone become the friend or family member you need, one conversation at a time.

Key Quote

“Is the relationship worthy of training? If it is, help your friend remember and build up the skills so you can have the difficult conversations. Ask, ‘How can I help you remember?’”

Resources / Mentions

Journaling Prompt:

What boundaries have I put up lately, and where have I rushed to cut someone off instead of inviting them to learn with me?

Invitation

Before cutting someone off this week, ask yourself if the relationship is worth the training. Start the conversation—and be willing to teach, remind, and stay open, one step at a time.

Did this episode touch your heart? Forward it to a friend who might need it today!

And reply with your own story: Have you ever cut someone off when a boundary was crossed — or managed to “train” a loved one into new and healthier patterns? We’d love to hear from you.

Share your story with @LoveNotesFromRhonda, and make sure you’re subscribed for more gentle, fearless guidance.

Explore Fearless Living tools and daily encouragement at fearlessliving.org.

Welcome to Love Notes From Rhonda. Today I want to talk about cutting people off. I feel like it's a phenomena right now. It's a pendulum swinging the opposite way, right?

So many of us in the past have been people pleasers and. And we haven't put a boundary up.

And when we start putting boundaries up many times, we're not sure how to hold the boundary or how to handle the boundary breaker if in fact they break it. So we cut them off. I've experienced this over and over in client sessions as well as in my own life, as well as in friends lives.

It is amazing how many people simply don't cut people off because they don't know how to communicate. They do not know how to handle conflict. They do not know how to move through something.

They don't know how to connect, stay connected, in the midst of a disagreement, a challenge, a hurt. So this is what I want you to hear. I love. If you're starting to put boundaries up, that's awesome, right?

If you say, please don't say that to me again, or, you know, please quit giving me advice, I really want to make this decision on my own. And you say it, awesome, you did it. But the person keeps giving you advice, right? You say, I, please don't give me advice.

I want to make this decision on my own. And the other person just keeps giving you advice. They just keep giving you advice.

How many times are you willing to say to them, whoops, remember, I don't. I'm really working on no advice. Would you please honor that? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, okay, okay. That's what my response would be. Oh, I'm sorry.

Gosh darn, I forgot. And you might have to tell me not to give you advice. 10, 20, 30, 40 times. It might last our entire relationship. But this is what I want you to hear.

The response I give you is, oh, gosh darn it, I forgot. Oh, my goodness. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, I forgot. You know, right? It is one of, oh, darn it.

I know that's important to you, and in my enthusiasm, I forgot, please forgive. So I'm not looking at you saying, ah, you're trying to shut me down. You're trying to stop, tell me what to do. You're trying to, right?

I'm not projecting onto you. I am simply saying, oops, darn it. You have to ask yourself if the relationship is worth the training.

Now, we're not talking about if somebody is hitting you or is an alcoholic and is abusive in any way. We're not talking about Those boundaries, those are non negotiable.

But we're talking about friends and family members who you now feel more centered, more strong, more amazing, more you. And you're like, I am no longer gonna take advice. I am no longer gonna accept that behavior. I'm no longer gonna let them talk to me that way again.

All wonderful yet. And this is a yet, yet, yet, yet. Are you ready and willing to train that person? And is the relationship something that is worth the training?

I recently had a friend do it to me and she basically said, oh, you're not honoring my boundary. She said something to that effect. And I'm like, what boundary? And she goes, well, I didn't really want to hear about blank.

And I'm like, okay, well, I'm sorry, I didn't know that I did that. Yes, you did it. Oh, okay. Please forgive that person.

I'd been in relationship with almost 25 years and after I, whoops, did the thing they asked me not to do, they cut me off.

And I find that so shocking that a 25 year relationship is not worth the effort of training, is not worth the effort of building a new neural pathway in the brain of both of you so that you can have a more honest, more loving relationship. And in fact, you put the boundary up, say, please don't give me advice.

And then if I continue to give you advice, and after I do it once, twice, three times, if we're really fun and really close, it could even become a game.

What I've noticed is because we haven't been good at boundaries, when we finally do put it up, we think that the other person is going to miraculously remember it and miraculously honor it. Because of course they remember it, and of course they're thinking about you every minute of the day, but in fact, they're not.

And they forget, no matter how important you are to them, no matter how much they love you, they forget. So this is what I would like you to hear. Are there people that are not worth the training? Yes, they're not worth the training. Got it.

Are there people that cross the line too horribly, too horrifically, too abusively? Yes, yes, absolutely. I want. Yes, I want. Those people need to be cut off. Yes.

But the people that you have had a good relationship with, not saying perfect, I'm not saying 100% healthy. I'm just saying they've been a friend or a family member for a long time. It may be worth the effort to train the other person.

On this new request you have. I was talking to a friend of mine and she was giving me an example of this in her life.

She has a friend who gets into all the details of medical things, right? Like, and then they did this medical procedure, right? And my friend hates to hear all that stuff.

So she's asked her, franiel, please don't tell me that gory stuff. I don't want to hear about your medical procedure and every single detail of it, right? And the friend's like, sure, sure, of course.

But the friend does it every time. And my friend has to go, remember, I don't like that gore. Oh, yes, yes, yes, I'm sorry.

She's been doing this with this friend going, don't tell me, for 30 years.

My friend does not take it personally, does not feel unheard, does not feel insulted, does not feel like they're breaking her boundary, does not feel A, B or C. She knows her friend is passionate about every single solitary detail of medical exams and in her passion is enthusiastic and cheers. And my friend is responsible for taking care of herself. Taking care of herself.

And if she doesn't want to hear it, she'll say, ah, don't want to hear it. So instead of cutting somebody off, ask yourself, is this relationship worth training? And if it is, then do it. Train the other person.

My friend cut me off and then two years later she came back and said, oh, I would like to have an olive branch, I'd like to reconnect. And how I feel is I don't feel completely safe and comfortable because she cut me off after one whoops in a 25 year friendship.

So we have to have long talks and she may or may not want that and that's okay.

But what I know is I don't want to have a friend that I can't whoops with, that I can't forget for a minute what they want or need from me and they don't take it personally and think that I'm a horrible person or that I'm selfish or that I'm not paying attention or that, you know, et cetera, et cetera. We're all in our own passions, in our own problems, and we forget. So is the relationship worthy of training? If it's not, then okay, don't.

But if it is, help your friend remember and build up the skills so that you can have the difficult conversations. Ask the person, how can I help you remember? And if they're like me, they'll be like, no, no, I'll remember. And then they won't.

Not because they don't want to, but because life happens. Until next time, be fearless. I love Sam.