You know that classic line, “It’ll happen when you least expect it”? Yeah, we're diving deep into that one today. I mean, how many times have we heard it, right? It’s like the universe’s favorite one-liner, but let’s be real—it often feels more like a dismissal than solid advice. I share my own experiences where, despite not actively searching, love was playing hide and seek like a champion! We’ll explore how this phrase can come off as a little condescending and why it doesn’t always hold true for everyone. So, grab your favorite drink, kick back, and let’s unravel this together, because finding love isn’t about waiting for a random moment; it’s about knowing yourself and being ready for whatever comes next.

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We dive into the oh-so-familiar phrase, "It'll happen when you least expect it," that gets thrown around like confetti at a wedding. Everyone's heard it, and honestly, it can feel like a bit of a punch in the gut for us singles. Wioleta, our charming host, shares her personal journey through years of being single, where she was *definitely* not on the lookout for love, yet still, nothing came knocking at her door. She reflects on how this phrase often feels dismissive, especially during those times when it seems like no one is interested in even having a conversation, let alone a date. Wioleta humorously points out that just because your friend found their soulmate while they were busy binge-watching their favorite show doesn’t mean it’s a universal truth. She emphasizes that wanting a partner isn’t something to be ashamed of and that it’s perfectly normal to put effort into finding love, much like one would when searching for a job. After all, we don't tell job seekers to just chill and it will all work out, right? This episode is a heartfelt reminder that self-awareness and understanding what we want in a partner is crucial, and Wioleta encourages listeners to embrace their journey, reminding us that sometimes, the search for love is just as important as finding it.

Takeaways:

• The phrase 'it'll happen when you least expect it' often feels dismissive to singles, right?
• Finding a partner isn’t just about luck; it involves self-awareness and knowing what you want.
• Many people believe they found love without looking, but that’s not the whole story, folks!
• Wanting a partnership and putting effort into it is completely normal and should be celebrated.
• Dating advice from coupled friends can feel like clickbait; it just doesn't apply to everyone.
• Understanding yourself and your needs is crucial before you can meet a truly compatible partner.

It'll happen when you least expect it. Or will it? Welcome back to All About Being Single. I'm your host, Wioleta. Or welcome if you're new here.

This is another episode in our series on the quote unquote advice that coupled up people give to us singles. So this one just angers me so much. The don't worry. It'll happen when you least expect it. We'll discuss that first part. The don't worry another time.

So we're going to focus mainly on the it'll happen when you least expect it. If you're single long enough, people start offering this just clickbait one liners meant to comfort you.

And often, obviously not always, but often they do mean well.

But it can feel, and it does feel dismissive when being said to you when, especially if there's been so many parts of your life, so many times in your life where you really were not looking and you never got into a relationship. And that's been the case for me.

There's been years, separate eras of my life, like a few years here and there where I just wasn't looking and then I just wouldn't be asked out by anybody all those years because surprise, surprise. The fact that they believe this doesn't make it true. It suggests that you are too invested in finding a partner.

And also, shouldn't we be invested in the most important investment of our lives? It also insinuates that all you do is look for a partner, that there aren't times when you're not somehow.

Which just doesn't even sound right for just about anybody. Sure, there might be some people who really do look for one constantly, but that's got to be so, so uncommon.

I've just been living my life so many times and again, not looking and just never found anybody. And even the times in my life I was trying to find a partner, it wasn't on my mind with anything I did or anywhere I went.

You know, it's like I was constantly looking for me anytime I'm not looking at all. Men hardly ever approach me to ask me out. So this is just so extra untrue in my case.

Unless I start a convo with a guy, he is most likely not going to even approach me.

I had periods of years of just not focusing on dating at all and just going out with my friends just to hang out with my friends and not even looking around to see if there any good looking men were around like some of my other friends were doing. And I still wouldn't. It still wasn't happening for me. Like, not once during that time did a man find me.

I just wouldn't even get any dates or any even conversations with men those times. And I'd be out and about at the bars, at restaurants, on vacations, and not once did a man even approach me.

Also, that statement is reducing finding a partner to kind of like a $100 bill that's just supposed to fly into you randomly and into your house and you know, your house window and just you're supposed to catch this thing that you're not trying to find. Just so you know, this is the third episode of its kind, so I will link the other two episodes in in the show notes.

I bet you guys are going to enjoy listening to the other two that talk about this advice and other different kind of advice that. That. I'm sorry, not singles, but that coupled up people usually give us singles.

Or what's even worse is the person who recent randomly finds somebody and all of a sudden they act like they've been coupled up for 20 years and then try to give us this kind of advice too. Anyhow, the no like to stand on most couples who say this. It's because their relationship happened when they weren't looking, right?

So they weren't actively looking and met someone randomly. And so they believe that that's just how love happens because that's how it happened to them.

So they're just projecting their own beliefs, their own lives onto you while.

And the smug ones, even if it's subconscious, think that their love is somehow better because it randomly found them when they weren't actively looking for that type of love. So they think that their type of love is even better. But anyhow, just because it happens to someone doesn't mean it'll happen to everyone.

So even in these cases, one of them was possibly looking, which is why they started a conversation and how the relationship even started. It's not like you're gonna have two people not looking and then it hap. Well, I'm sure it can.

Anything can happen in this life and I'm sure that happens sometimes too, when two people maybe literally walk into each other and then start dating, but usually at least one of them starts the conversation because they are looking in some kind of a way. So even this whole you'll find him or her when you're not looking is so untrue because usually at least one of those people was looking.

Never again will I believe any of these one liners because none of us have a crystal ball none of us know when we're gonna meet the love of our lives or if we're even gonna meet one. We just don't know what's gonna happen.

Even the couples that do believe they have their person can break up or get divorced or realize they've been living a lie. You never know. You never know what could happen, which is a good and a bad thing, obviously.

But sometimes when people say this stuff to us singles, it feels like people are saying that people are saying we're too much, that we're trying too hard, that we're thinking about it too much, that we're expending too much energy on finding a partner. But wanting a partnership is normal. Thinking about it is normal. Putting effort into meeting people is normal.

No one tells someone looking for a job that it'll just happen when they're at least expecting it because they would starve. And we might starve of love and connection if we just give up on our search as well.

So a hill I'll die on is that some people meet their life partner in school, some through friends, some at an event, some when they call a repairman or woman at their house, some on a dating app, although the least likely option probably some on social media. Some meet their person in their teens, some in their 20s, 30s, 40s, 50s, 80s, 90s, or any time in their life. Some might never meet their person.

So a hill of Diane is.

While we don't know where and when we will meet this person, if it'll happen or if it'll happen, I do truly believe that we only ever meet a truly compatible partner if we ourselves are self aware and truly know ourselves, our values, our wants, our needs, our red flags or green flags for our partners. And if we're not afraid of being our authentic selves until then, all the partners we have are just lessons essentially.

And they're also important to our souls and our soul's evolution.

So I'm not saying they're not important because I've learned so much through each one of my exes and I'm happy for those experiences because I learned so much about myself.

And actually, I think knowing yourself and truly being happy with your life is more important than finding the life partner we will once we're ready to meet them.

So the note to self today, and this is a question for if you're listening, tuning in for the first time, this is a question I ask and then I give you about like a 30 second little break when I dance. So you can either come up with an answer to the question or dance with me. And I do believe dancing daily is such a positive thing in our lives.

But just answer this question honestly to yourself. Or better yet, if you'd like to go to allaboutbeingsingle.com and send me a voice note so I can feature that in a future episod.

Do you think you're ready to meet your life partner? Why or why not? Okay, I'm back. So I definitely think I'm closer as far as the note to self, by the way. So this is my answer.

I'm definitely closer to being ready than I've ever been. I've done a lot of self improvement work. I understand my wounds a lot more. I have worked on so many of my own triggers I feel they're still stuck.

Stuff that I can work on, but I've done a lot of work. I've learned a lot of lessons from my previous relationships, from my current friendships and family relationships. All of that too.

I know what I want and what I need. And I know what I won't stand for ever again too, which also helps.

And I definitely think there needs to be a balance of don't only know the red flags because you might just focus on them too much. Also know what the green flags are of people that you're trying to date.

Okay, if you haven't already, please take a moment to rate and review this show. Especially if you're on an Apple podcast, you can actually review the show.

I really appreciate that and thank you so much to those of you who have left the review. I really appreciate it. Okay, this is the last thing the Glow up my favorite part.

So if there are some things you would like to work on that you think might make you a more well rounded partner to another person, write them down this week. Well, honestly, you can probably just focus on like one little thing. It doesn't have to be like a bunch of things.

So just maybe, maybe one thing that you can start working on this week. And I'm going to leave you with this. Please send any suggestions that I can use to improve this podcast.

I'm seeing a lot more and more listeners each day. I've been doing this for about seven months now, I think seven or eight. And I'd love to make this podcast really work for you.

It definitely works for me because I'm getting a lot of my thoughts and feelings and ideas out that I've had all these years of being single, so it's definitely already helping me. But I also want to make sure that I'm providing more value to you.

So if there are any suggestions on how I can improve the podcast, if you don't like any of the segments or some segments that you think I can drop or maybe switch up whatever it is that you think would make this podcast better for you as a listener, please either email me at all about being singlemail.com or just go on the website and leave me a voice note all about being single dot com. Either way, thanks so much for listening. I always want you to remember that even if we're late, we're right on time.