When life starts "life-ing," it is easy to feel helpless and resigned to a pattern of setbacks. Things like business deals falling through, unexpected family matters, and job insecurity happen all the time. The hard truth is that there are some things that we cannot control. But the other side of that truth, is that there are many other things that we CAN control.

What happens when we choose to take radical control over the things that we can actually influence and impact? Join Temi Siyanbade, business and brand attorney, as she unpacks the power of radical responsibility.

Hey everyone, it's Temi here.

All right. So in today's conversation,

again, you know, we have a nice Little

Mix. Sometimes we talk about law,

sometimes we talk about life, sometimes

we talk about the both of them. And

today, what I want to talk about is

something that I think it has

implications for your business, for your

life and even for the law, honestly.

And it is this idea of radical

responsibility.

As I said it, I thought to myself is

there is it could there, could there be

something that sounds any less

sexy? But actually maybe

we'll talk about that another thing

'cause I was like, actually

responsibility can be a very attractive

thing. But I, I, I, I don't want to go

there. That's not what we're talking

about. But I do want to talk about this

idea and this concept of radical

responsibility and I want to bring take

you back, you know, sometimes I like to

do a little bit of story time. And and a

lot of these stories I'm finding seem to

go back to when I was teaching because I

learned some amazing things. And so

here's the background. When I first

started my educational career, so when I

started teaching with Teacher America,

they took us through a training and

intensive training in order to prepare us

for the classrooms that we would be in.

And with Teach for America, with programs

like that, you're usually placed in low

income neighborhoods where the

achievement gap is really huge. What do I

mean by that? I mean, I mean that when

they start to look at how well people do

in terms of their achievement and how

it's measured, for example, in like exams

and things like that, there's usually a

gap between the poor. And the rich?

Children who are in low income

neighborhoods and people in high income

neighborhoods and sometimes that threat

also goes with with race. But that

doesn't it's not an accurate reflection

of, again, people's capabilities. It's

usually based off of resources and a

whole bunch of other things that I'm not

going to get into right now, resources,

expectations, blah blah, blah. But

all this to say is we went through the

significant training and in that training

one of the things that has stuck with me.

You know, decades later,

almost 20 years later, is this

idea, this concept of locus

of control, When I tell you that this

principle, this idea

is. Not

groundbreaking, but perspective

shifting this is what it was for me

and essentially locus of control is

asking yourself, with as much

honesty and objectivity as

possible, what can you

really control?

Right. And it's not like what do I want

to control?You know, or

what should I control that? Those are not

the questions. The question is what can

you really control?And you have to be

brutally honest. And the reason why we

had to talk about this in terms of when I

was teaching was because oftentimes they

saw something that would happen to the

teachers who would come into these

environments. You'd come into this, this

environment and because you.

See so many challenges. You had so many

teachers who wanted to control so many

elements that were actually outside of

their control. Like we have the have the

opportunity to control our classrooms

couldn't necessarily control the things

that are outside of our classroom. When

our students leave our classroom, when

they're in the hallways, when they go

back home. We have limited control over

those things, but in our classroom we had

control. And the question was when we

were able to kind of distinguish between

the two, you're able to harness your

energy in a more productive,

meaningful and effective manner.

So again, let me step back and say this,

when you identify your locus of control,

when you identify what you can really

control. You are able to harness your

energy, harness your

resources. In a way that is

more effective, more

productive. Right. More

beneficial to you and to

whomever it is that you want to serve,

but it requires A radical

level of honesty and

and when you do that right you you

start to to identify and

shift the way you think about

responsibility. So again first and

foremost is identifying what can I really

control and then deciding that you will

exercise the control you have

meaningfully. And I want to say this

because again, as I started, I was like,

this is not about what you wish you could

control. I think the challenge for so

many of us when it comes to like, being

control freaks or looking at life as we

often want to control the things we have

no control over. But us exerting

energy towards the things that we can't

control, we neglect the things we

can. So

here's here's what I'm saying. Sometimes

we try to to to control other people.

I want to make you, this other person,

this external force do what I want you to

do. All right, I'm trying to exercise

that control. But guess what? You don't

have control over that. You may have

influence, but influence is different

from control. But we'll exert all of this

and attention, energy, trying to control

and essentially trying to manipulate

other people. And we have no control at

the end. And then when that, when we're

proven, when that's proven our lack of

control, we end up so frustrated. Why

couldn't I get this thing to happen? Why

couldn't I get this thing? Because you

didn't actually have control of that. The

thing you have control over is yourself.

And even when it comes to yourself. You

have control over how you respond to

things. I'll tell you this. You know,

there's an idea that you can control your

thoughts. You can, but it's not the way

you think. All of us as human beings have

all these different thoughts that come to

our mind. Sometimes they're negative,

sometimes they're positive. Like the idea

that we all live in a La La land where

everything is positive is just false. And

if you do, you might need to get that

checked out. If you're living in the real

world, you get a mixture of negative and

positive thoughts that come and hit you

all the time. And and and that's outside

of your control. But guess what is in

your control?You get to control

how you analyze and think about those

thoughts, how you respond to them. So

if I have a control that a thought that

comes to me and says, Tammy, you know

you're going to fail, right? Because we

do that. Anytime you do anything that is

risky, anytime you do something that is

new, those types of thoughts kind of come

flooding in. So it's like, you know what?

You're going to try and launch this thing

and hey, you're going to fail. That

thought can come. But I can decide to

wait, pause on it and say hold on, let me

examine this thought. Let me look at it.

Is this thought real? Like is

it? Is it fact? Is it

law?Or is it a

prediction? And if it's a prediction,

right, where is this prediction? What is

it based on? Is it based on a pattern?

OK, If it's based off a pattern, is there

something I can control to shift that

pattern right? Like if it

if it's not based off of a pattern, what

is it based off of?The

other question you can start asking

yourself when you're looking at this

thing that you can't control is OK. The

stock came up. How long do I want to

entertain it? Do I want to spend all day

thinking about it, or do I want to think

about something else? Another thing that

you can do with regards to what you can

control? Again, you can't control the

fact that the thought popped up, but you

can decide. You know what you can decide.

I'm going to think about this. Is this

not beneficial to me?Right. All

of those things are things you actually

can't control. You couldn't control the

fact that the thought popped through your

head. That's that's you being human. But

you can control how you respond to it.

The same thing happens in life. Right.

You can interact with people. You can

want them to act a certain way, but you

can't control them. But you can choose

how you're going to respond to them. So

if you have someone who is consistently

acting in a negative way or a harmful

way, you can decide how long you're going

to entertain them. You can decide where

is this coming from? You can, you know,

be reflective and say, am I doing

something? Am I putting myself in a

position to receive this treatment? What

does that mean? Am I entertaining people

I don't have to entertain, like my

younger brother? We were talking about

this actually earlier today, and we were

talking about the use of no and and he's

way better at using no than I am. And he

says, I love the work that would just

roll off your tongue. One of the things

he's taught me and even my younger

sister, my siblings have been really

instrumental in this recognition is

that we have the ability

to even. Control what

we commit to, what we don't like.

Oftentimes we relinquish the control and

we say, Oh my gosh, I have no choice. No,

you have maybe two negative choices, two

things that an option is you don't like

to choose, but you have the control to

choose one of them. You can choose the

lesser of the two, right. And so

essentially when you start to think about

what it is that you can actually control.

Right. What you really control, the

next step is making a decision that

you're going to take radical

responsibility for it. Like I'm

going to be radically responsible for my

thoughts. I'm going to be

radically responsible for the

people and places I

use and spend my energy.

I'm going to be radically responsible for

the way I spend my time. I'm

going to own it and it's so uncomfortable

because. We all are within our

rights to find the things that influence

us, that impact us, right? We

all are impacted. Nobody is a silo.

Nobody is on an island. But when you

take that radical responsibility, it's

almost like you're saying I'm not going

to pay as much attention to those things

that I can blame. I'm not going

to empower those things that I can blame.

And that's kind of it can be unsettling

because you have to look at yourself in

the mirror, but you can always choose to

look at yourself in the mirror with both

truth and grace.

Right where you can be radically honest

and say I'm responsible for how I

responded and I didn't respond the best

way because I'm a human being, but I can

try again.

Yeah. So that's kind of what I want

you to take away from today's

conversation is I want you to think about

where are there areas in your life where

you can take radical responsibility,

where you can sit down and be honest

about what you really do control and what

you don't control. Like before we wrap

up, like that's so critical, like

identifying what you don't control and

saying I can do all of this. I can

influence to an extent, but I at the end

of the day, I can't control you. So I can

say everything perfectly. I can say

12345678910, not

skip a beat, but you can choose has a

person who has your own unique will. Your

own volition, your own personality to do

what you want with it. Right. Even if I

can try and predict the future, you can

choose a different future for yourself

because you are in control of you and I'm

in control of me. When I choose.

Radical responsibility, right? I empower

myself. I empower

myself. To be most

productive, I empower myself to channel

my energy in a way where I can actually

affect the most change.

And experience the transformation of the

change that I want in my life.

So just some thoughts for you to take

with you this week. I hope it's been

really helpful. And tell me what you

think in the comments section. Like

where has radical responsibility shown

up in your life? Are there places

where you have room to take more

in your business, in your relationships,

in your finances? Listen, we're not going

to talk about all the ones that I can,

there's so many areas, but but let's

think about that and reflect on that and

feel free to share it in the comment

section. Alright,

hope you are doing well. Until next time,

bye.